From The Frumious Bandersnatch (“the least trustworthy source of news on the web — free and worth twice the price”) comes this list of 1000 Ways to Waste Your Money.
Weeks of research have been dedicated to the preparation of this “how to” guide to assist the American consumer in throwing away his or her money. We can absolutely guarantee that if you utilize this guide to assist you in purchasing goods or services, you will be had. But, unlike your fellow consumers, you will waste your money with your eyes (and your pocketbooks) open. You will be comforted with knowledge in some detail as to how and why you have wasted your money.
Suggested ways to waste your money include:
- Buying a new car.
- Buying a used car.
- Reparing your car.
- Charge it.
- Brand name vs. generic. “Always buy brand name goods as opposed to generic if you are serious about wasting money. [...] When you buy brand name you are telling the company you like the artwork, quality of printing, the color, and the type of container the product comes in, and you love their snappy television and magazine commercials. This will insure the brand name company will continue to strive to make their packages even more attractive, and continue to increase their advertising budget.”
- Buy by mail.
- Telephone sales. “Those in the know say telephone sales are an excellent opportunity to waste money.”
- Buy only in stores with carpet on the floor.
- Never read a contract. [Note: Kris and I drive places crazy because we actually read contracts. This makes closing on a home, for example, last much longer than is typical.]
- Long-distance telephone service.
- Sales.
- Fly first-class.
Canny observers will note that the article only provides twelve ways to waste your money, and not the promised one thousand. I suspect a not-so-subtle point is being made here. The piece concludes with the following General Rule:
Any enterprise that has been deregulated from government control is a good bet to be a potential opportunity to waste money. In the name of protecting consumers, government has thrown consumers to the wolves, stripping them of quality protection and price regulation benefits in order to cut the cost of government and allow those saved tax revenues to be spent on toilet seats for aircraft carriers.
Funny stuff, but oh-so-true.
[1000 Ways to Waste Your Money — Don't try this at home.]
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This gotta be the most useles blog entry in a while. Any person on earth can give you 268459 reasons on how to waste your money.
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Paying to host a gaming blog, for example.
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Having worked in grocery stores for over seven years… I don’t entirely agree with the “brand name versus generic”. Yes, in many cases, you get the same thing. But sometimes you don’t. I did stocking, and had a lot of time to look at the ingredients and packaging, because I wanted to know what the big difference was.
Store brands tend to save money by using far cheaper packaging. You’ll notice this with leaky milk. Their seals are never as good, meaning your food will often go bad sooner than “name brands” will.
Store brands also tend to use more water. Ingredients are listed in order of amount used, and you can compare shampoo, soda, even bread. Store brands will use more water, or more high fructose corn syrup, because they’re cheap but help fill the required weight in order to compare to a competetor. I’ve seen some where water is the number one ingredient in a store brand, but only third or fourth in a name brand. That can be a huge difference.
Compare the nutritional content as well. Store brands like to use “filler” (salt, water, corn syrup) that aren’t very good for you, but get the same taste. Crackers show this very well.
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And what about how ridiculous it is to suggest that purchasing any kind of car is a waste of money? Buying a new car; waste of money. Buying a used car; waste of money. Um…but cars are necessary for most of us, so how useful is it to suggest that buying a car, any car, is unwise. I would submit that it entirely depends on your approach. Buying a new car without doing any research, negotiating, and doing so on credit is unwise; but so is buying a used car without checking it out or evaluating the amount of repairs it’ll need and how much its REAL cost will be. Outright wastes of money are things like buying the sports package from your satellite provider; or buying cellular services you don’t need and/or don’t use; or drinking frequently and to total intoxication at a bar; or collecting useless items… But, then again, money is there to add to your life, so the important thing is to use money in ways that satisfy you in a thoughtful, considered way.
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When you lose sight of the fact that money is only a tool, you go wrong.
That could be by failing to save up for the things you really need in life, or the opposite case where you hoard money. This blog is flirting with an equally wrong way of looking at money.
Don’t be so stingy in life that you can’t enjoy anything.
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Speaking as a spendthrift who knows better, I think it’s sad that people genuinely believe you can’t both be frugal and enjoy life. (Referencing the previous comment.) Frugality IS keeping in mind that money is a tool. You wouldn’t abuse a tool to the point of breaking it, and you shouldn’t spend money foolishly to the point that you can’t make it work for you.
As for store brand versus name brand, I’ve also noticed differences in ingredients. It’s interesting–my favorite soda is Mountain Dew. I like the Kroger version of it better than Pepsi’s. But if I switch to diet, I like Pepsi’s better than Kroger’s, which tastes nasty. A look at the ingredients tells me why: Pepsi’s version includes sucralose, and Kroger’s does not. Sucralose tastes a heck of a lot better than aspartame, which is also in Pepsi’s version but is not the only sweetener.
Of course it’s cheaper yet to not drink soda at all. And better for your health too. I tell myself I’m missing out on a good thing when I don’t drink it, but on the other hand, I don’t enjoy being sick either.
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