If you're new here, you may want to learn what this site is about. I encourage you to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Does your infant sport clothes from Baby Gap? Does your three-year-old carry a Gucci handbag? Does your first-grader have a Playstation, an iPod, and $80 shoes? What sort of message does it send to children when parents give them these sorts of expensive things? What sort of attitude toward money does this foster?
Lynn writes with some thoughts on encouraging sound financial habits in children at an early age:
So many people focus on the cars, houses, and clothes, and that is the root of our debt problem.
When I find a teaching job, I’d like to do a book group or after-school group discussing consumerism, materialism, and marketing/advertising in relation to teens. Just to make them (especially girls) aware of how they’re being manipulated. I know there are quite a few books out there that can go along with this theme (Like We Care comes to mind as a fictional sample; No Logo and Branded are nonfiction titles).
I once had a discussion with a friend about how to curb the credit bug in children. We talked about setting up chores for the child as a way to earn privileges. At some point, we would introduce “credit” — the child can
have the privilege now and pay it back with chores later. We discussed intentionally letting the child get way behind — even encouraging it — and then allowing them to feel the strain of paying it back. This would lead to a discussion of credit and how easy it is to use it inappropriately.
This is a fantastic idea, probably most appropriate for kids in their early teens. (Younger children probably won’t grasp the lesson; older kids are too preoccupied with other aspects of their life.) Why is this important at all? Dumb Little Man has some thoughts on the consequences of failing to discourage materialism in kids.
A friend of ours has a 4-year old daughter. While she’s great now, she is going to have some issues later in life. I don’t blame her for any of this because it all comes down to the parents and how they set their kids’ expectations. Here are a few of the things I have issues with:
- By age 3 she had a little Gucci handbag.
- I don’t think I have ever seen her wearing clothes that don’t bear a Horse/Polo Player, the logo for Ralph Lauren.
- She has an 11×11 bedroom that has $5000 furniture.
[...]
We all want our kids to have the good life but at this age do they really appreciate it? Do you really appreciate giving them luxuries when there is no real reaction? What 4-year old jumps around excited for a Ralph Lauren sweater? None.
I think the bigger problem is that you are training them to buy brands instead of items and that expensive purchases equal happiness. This is a very rough road to head down. As your kids grow up, everything will become more expensive and even worse, you are going to raise someone that has a difficult time understanding the real value of anything.
Our book group recently read David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas. The most compelling section of the book features a futuristic world in which people live in a corporcracy (a government by corporations) and are called “consumers” instead of citizens. These consumers are trained from a young age to, well, consume. That’s essentially what is happening now, and it plays a huge role in our poor financial habits.
It’s all about personal choice, of course, but the important thing is for parents to train their children to be able to make smart choices. (Living Simply with Children addresses some of these issues.) What sorts of things can parents do to train their children to live debt-free, and to escape the consumerist mentality, at an early age?
.jpg "The Money Blog Network - Improving your bottom line")
August 1st, 2006 at 10:27 am
I try to lead by example. It’s hard though, with children being bombarded with TV, radio ads and older children to buy buy buy. We are making the attempt to teach our children the benefits of simple living. Our 9 year old has been asking for things, like a cell phone, and name brand clothing. We have informed him that he will receive none of those items until he his able to pay for them himself. Not to say we do not splurge a bit for birthdays, but some of the must have items {ok all} are frivolous, and bring nothing of importance to our lives. Another problem lays in the fact, that as much as I teach my children the value of self worth and that one has to work to receive pleasantries, there are other peoples kids that have not been taught a single thing. Those children make life hard on the children that do not have the “in” items. Putting pressure back onto the parent to make the child more popular, or at least less picked on. It all seems like a vicious consumer cycle. {stepping off soap box now}
Glad you like my blog, by the bye.
August 1st, 2006 at 10:55 am
Children have little way of appreciating the kind of work their parents did early in their professional lives. Whether the parents worked on scaffolding in 20-degree weather or sacrificed every free moment to read another law book, that six-figure salary started with hard work for little or no pay. The early parents can somehow impart that experience to their kids in a meaningful way, the more respect children will have for a dollar.
As Heathcliff Huxtable said to his kids, “We are not rich. I am rich. You have nothing.”
August 1st, 2006 at 11:03 am
My father was an entrepreneur, and had two successful businesses. But for most of my childhood, we were poor. I grew up craving the Stuff the other kids had. When I finally had money of my own, I bought Stuff like crazy because I could afford it and because I wasn’t going to go without. I even put myself into debt to get this Stuff. Crazy! But it’s because I had no conception of what debt could do to a person, and because I had such a hunger for Stuff. It’s still an urge I have to fight.
August 1st, 2006 at 12:03 pm
It’s not just parents - it’s society. You can raise your kids thriftfully, frugally, and then at school they are surrounded by one or two kids who have the $100 sneakers, the ipods, cellphones, etc. It takes one bad apple…
I went to a small Catholic school, and the whole ideas that uniforms prevented kids from being picked on - but you had to buy from their approved store (which was pricey) resulting in some kids have less clothing choices then others - and then still sporting $100 shoes and wearing pagers/name brand back packs, sporting certain items…
Plain and simple, it does take a community to raise a child, and unless you live in a small wooded community that is self sustaining your kids will start asking for stuff because someone else has it - my nephew at the age of 5 started asking for Pepsi - not Coke, mind you - despite not having a TV in his house, and my sister and brother-in-law did not consume it (they bought the cheap stuff, trying to show that it didn’t matter). He still comes at them with requests from other kids of stuff they have, stuff he saw driving to the store, etc.
I had the same problem as J.D. - I grew up the youngest of five so it was hand-me-downs all my life. When I got a job at 12 (newspaper) to working fast food (at 14) my checks were splurged too frequently. Now I work on salary and still attempt to focus my money on saving and only spending on necessities, not nicities, while focusing my career on making me happy and comfortable, not rich and spoiled.
August 1st, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Our oldest son craves trains. He knows everything about Thomas the Tank Engine. He knows their colors, prices, whether an engine has been discontinued, and etc.
About a year ago we decided to stop buying trains for him, instead, we gave him chores around the house (except for birthdays and Christmas). We pay him 50 cents for cleaning his toys before bath time. After cleaning he goes to one of our kitchen drawers and gets his 50 cents for his work. (funny, he knows where the money is but never takes it without working)
As he is earning his money, he saves it for an engine, tracks, or other train stuff he wants. He decides what to buy. It’s his money. During Christmas, he had saved $20 dollars and was ready to buy something. We went to the train store and he looked at all the train stuff. He knew what his budget was and was looking at all the items that were under $20. Things he could afford. He looked at an item that was $24.99 and told me “it’s to expensive”. So I put it back. I wanted so bad to “lend” him the money but I resisted. I believe it is important for them to know what they can afford not what parents can afford.
Lastly, We are also teaching him to give (tithe) from his earnings. We believe that charitable giving is an important aspect of money management. He was not very excited about this.
August 1st, 2006 at 1:31 pm
Good post. Important topic, as the comments suggest!
August 1st, 2006 at 1:35 pm
I’m not a parent, so don’t take my advice and know that I see things in black and white because I don’t have to deal with a rugrat. But I don’t understand why parents can’t actively talk about wants vs. needs or demonstrate to their kids that the best things in life are free?
August 1st, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Do you have a link to “Lynn”? Great excerpt, I’d love to read more of her.
August 1st, 2006 at 3:12 pm
A simliar strategy to letting kids get into debt with chores is to lend them money when they are around 12-14 year old.. Old enough make a couple bucks cutting lawns or from birthdays and such. Charge them interest on the money- say, 10% per month. Show them how hard it is to get out of debt in small amounts. Put the interest they pay into a college fund or savings account for them. This will keep them away from credit cards when they get swamped with offers the second they turn 18.
August 1st, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Hello,
I would have to recommend the classic book “Brave New World” by Huxley. Among many other issues, it takes a similar approach to consumerism, presenting a futuristic world where the goal is stability, partially through wasteful consumerism (for example, in the book the people may wear clothes only once, play games which use consume commodities, and other consumerist/materialist activities).
August 1st, 2006 at 10:18 pm
I don’t see the problem with splurging on your kids. If you have the money, why not let the people you love enjoy it?
A lot of people I know, including myself, had pretty thrifty childhoods, and we are no less better when it came to wanting and acquiring stuff later in life.
The conclusions being drawn from simply buying the kids stuff (like they are learning that expensive purchase equals happiness) is eventually unprovable. I know some grown-ups who had wealthy parents, were spoiled materially as kids, and they have good financial sense when they grew up.
If you want to prepare your children for their financial futures, I think it’s a great idea to focus on teaching them to save, budget their own money, and earn extra with chores. You’re not gonna ask your kid to budget for her own bedroom’s furniture, so why scrimp on it?
I honestly think the get them into debt idea is pretty silly. Why focus on teaching your kids negative stuff you don’t want them to end up in? It’s like putting the kids’ hand in fire so you can have a talk later where you tell them not to put their hand in fire.
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:47 pm
Setting a positive lead as a parent is critical in teaching your kids anything in life. If a parent is spending money like crazy, going into debt, always going shopping with their child then the child will do the same thing. Children do exactly what their parents do. I learned nothing about money directly from my parents but I did not see them spending exorbitantly or focusing on brand names. Teach your child through leading by example.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:52 pm
I would draw a distinction between the Gucci/Ralph Lauren example and the $5000 furniture example. I don’t think the issue with materialism in children is a factor of price. The furniture is probably expensive because it’s made of solid, well-assembled materials that will last a lifetime. The designer clothes & accessories are probably expensive because they have certain logos on them. If I were a rich parent (ha), I’d be fine with the former but intolerant of the latter. No need to teach children brand-based consumerism at such a young age, but no sense in buying cheap pressboard furniture that gets destroyed in 6 months either.
September 2nd, 2006 at 12:33 pm
[...] Aug. 1st: Some thoughts on discouraging materialism in children [...]
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Take a kid shopping at a resale or thrift shop. Are there Legos? Dolls? Plushies? Check the prices. Then compare the prices at Toys R Us.
Ideally there’ll be something similar, say, a Malibu Barbie for $1 at the thrift store and a Princess Barbie for $25 at Toys R Us. Ask the kid if they think the one is 25 times better than the other. They may not say no…but where would they rather spend their allowance?
(Yes, this approach is stolen from The Complete Tightwad Gazette.)
January 10th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Finding clothing for children without logos, brand names or cartoon characters on them is very difficult and the alternative brands with no external branding are much more expensive. So, we try to focus on buying used clothing and the lesson that we’re reducing waste by buying these clothes that have so much life left in them. I still scour the racks for simple colorful clothing, but if a top has the baby gap bear on it so be it.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:48 am
I feel very grounded in this area. My dad did a great job teaching us how to budget. Frustrated by four girls each wanting different shampoos and the likes, he had us develop a budget for what our monthly needs were. This included everything from school lunches to our school year books. When this started, it was 1977 and I was 13. My sisters and I all came up with different figures. After analyzing our budgets, he agreed to give us $50 a month. Whatever was left, belonged to us. We learned to use Suave shampoo and take bagged lunches to have more money for our wants, and even then our wants became fewer as we saved for the more important items. He did change our pay with inflation. By the time I was a senior, I was getting $100 a month. It saved him money, and the headaches of our demands. In the end we were all winners. Now today, my kids are learning from my example. They know they can get a lot more books for their money at the thrift store than through the school book orders. They never expect me to buy them a toy at Target, but they know they may get something if we stop at a rummage. They have learned to look for good deals and treasures from me speaking my thoughts out loud in a store when I think something isn’t worth the money. I often hear my daughter saying, “Wow, what a rip off.” So the lessons my dad taught me are standing the test of time, and shall certainly span into yet further generations.