Ask the Readers: How Much Should I Spend on an Engagement Ring?

My partner and I bought gold Claddagh rings for each other for engagement rings — about $130 each, and part of our cultural heritage. Our wedding rings are plain gold bands — $50 each at a mall going-out-of-business sale.

We are both very happy with our inexpensive but sentimentally valuable rings, and are glad to have not started married life with wedding debt hanging over us!

Why buy a ring at all? It is an ancient sexist tradition. Is she going to buy you some expensive piece of jewelry? You are marrying her are you not? That should prove your unending love for her. She gets a wedding band too right? Why TWO rings? Refuse to by an engagement ring. It’s a scam like flowers at Valentines Day. Men forking over cash and getting nothing in return. Are we not all equal? There is a price for the feminist movement, engagement rings and flowers are but two of the costs. If she get miffed at you not buying a ring, move on. She wants an ATM no a husband.

I’ve read all the posts, and here is my feedback.
I have worked in the wholesale jewelry business for the past 12 years. I buy and sell diamonds and jewelry and loose stones to the independent jewelers. They would be the mom and pop family owned store in the downtown of your hometown.
I bought my engagement ring before I entered the industry, paid $1700 dollars and have since learned from my experience in the business. I have access to millions of dollars of inventory, and my wife won’t even let me attempt to upgrade the poorly cut, off color, included stone I bought her 17 years ago. It was the thought that counted then and now.
Before I go any further, let me tell you, I could care less about jewelry in general. I do appreciate the fine art that goes into designing an innovative piece, and the incredible craftmanship to build those pieces but that’s about it.
I like my business, because I absolutely enjoy mom and pop jewelers. I have found no other industry with people so interesting. I have customers whose family has been in the business for 100 years. I have former college professors, protestant ministers, pro football players, engineers, bodybuilders, astronauts, pilots, and war heroes as customers. Such an eclectic group, that just meeting them is enlightening.
To address some of the misconceptions above.

1. Don’t by at the mall, or from chain stores. The values are horrible the markup is high, and the quality is inferior.
2. The jewelry at your independent retailer is not overpriced. They make less than 100% markup.

They buy something for $100, they sell that piece for $200 or less. Consider the fact that what you buy has residual value of at least $50-$75 and you are being fairly treated. Don’t think so, walk into a clothing boutique, buy and unbranded (so that we are comparing apples to apples)clothing. If you spend $200, that piece cost the owner maybe, $50-$75 ( because it has even less residual value to them than jewelry to a jeweler) and the residual value to you is $20-$35 at a consignment shop. Jewelry, while certainly not a good investment, is worth far more than any other reatail purchase you will make.
3. I’ll tell you a secret….Bluenile is very,very competetive, and usually a great barometer for what you should spend on a given stone. The stones there are not owned by bluenile, but are merely listed there, and are usually offered by true wholesale dealers. Why would a wholesaler do that, you ask. Because he makes slightly more there, than he does with his retailers and he doesn’t risk his business with his retailers( The retailers would be furious if they knew the wholesaler was selling to the same customer base).
Diamonds are essentially a commodity, like gold, or silver, or copper, or pork bellies for that matter. Everyone in the industry knows what a stone of a certain quality trades for. Some retailers will only make 10-20%on a loose stone. The wholesalers can make less, depending on the stone, and how desireable it is in the market. So, any bump in profit that wholesaler can make is important.
4. The idea of scouring pawnshops is a pretty good one. They buy items off the street, at stupid low prices, and sometimes are not really sure what they have. That coupled with the fact, that they are not really interested in owning inventory, because all their moneyis made in the loan business.(ludicrous profits! they make credit card companies look generous)This often compells them to sell quickly and more cheaply.
5. Conflict diamonds, the Atlantic article, and the movie Blood Diamond, are over blown bunk. Every diamond that enters our country requires it to have a conflict diamond warranty to certify that is in fact not a “blood diamond”. This is a federal law/regulation, that carries severe penalties, and noone takes it lightly. Noone.
. Never ever buy a CZ, Moissanite, fracture filled, or enhanced diamond or these new “manufactured” diamonds. They are worthless. The have less residual value than the garment in the above example, and no matter what they tell you, are not as resilient as a real diamond. Each can mirror some of the qualities of a real diamond but not all.
Finally, on a personal note. Just my opinion, but if the woman you plan to marry requires/compels you to spend a small fortune on a ring, I suggest you take a good hard look at the relationship. One of you is placing too much value on this purchase. It is a thing, nothing more nothing less. There are far greater “symbols” of your love and commitment, that will be far more appreciated of the long hall. My experience in marriage and in this business has taught me that 20-25 years down the road, no one looks at a big diamond and says “Wow, he really loves me!” You will build better memories than that.

You can buy a beautiful, quality, large enough (1.00ct) round diamond for $2500-$4000 with a little legwork.

TWIW

I’ve enjoyed reading all of the responses.

Ironically, I just got off the phone with my girlfriend who was wondering, out loud, if she would be getting married in the next year.

MY main thing is I want to be out of credit card debt before taking any ‘plunges’. I should be out of debt By early August. It’s good to know that most financially savvy people try and keep it in the $1K-2K range as far as price.

I don’t think she cares much about the price though, pretty sure she’s more concerned with being able to say “I’m getting married” to everyone.

I bought my wife’s engagement ring diamond off of an expired ebay auction. We were looking for a very specific size and style (Tiffany’s Lucida Cut) and by buying it ‘second hand’ I paid 1/3rd it’s new price at Tiffany’s. The setting it came in was very worn. But I took it to Tiffany’s and had it remounted from gold to platinum which included the sizing. This only cost me $500. I think this a great deal as a platinum setting on blue nile was priced at $1000. End result; much bigger ring, brand new setting, much lower price.

Whatever you do, dont leave the price tag on it. My husband got a GREAT deal on my ring, $850 and no tax b/c it was bought at the Navy exchange. I thought he had spent at least twice that, but he left the price tag on the box so now I know the truth… I still love it and always tell people that story, lol!

Please avoid taking a loan or even worse putting it on your credit card unless you can pay it off by month’s end. Spending too much now will only hurt both of you in the future. This ring is not only a sign of the love that you have, but how seriously you are committed. Marriage is work and so by getting something resonable and saving for it, you showing respect for the work it takes for marriage to suceed.

Like a lot of you, I thought I didn’t want a diamond. I love gemstone jewelry and am definitely not a fan of parting with lots my hard earned money. But my fiance really wanted to go with a diamond.

We went with a diamond, and I’m so glad we did. We spent a nice amount of money, but it was worth every penny. It’s classic and gorgeous, and honestly, about a million times more beautiful than any other gem I’ve owned. Sure, diamonds are overpriced, but there’s still a good reason why they’re more expensive than other gems–they are just plain gorgeous.

My point? If you can afford a diamond, at least think about it. And if you can’t afford something large, consider investing in a nice mounting that’s pretty on its own, so it’s not ALL about the center stone. We went with an intricate design and some yellow sapphire accents, which added a lot of beauty that didn’t cost a whole bunch.

Don’t get a cheap stone, or it’s not worth getting it at all. Remember that size isn’t the most important factor. Set your minimum quality, and then go for the biggest you can get of that quality. My stone actually looks larger than it is because it’s a high quality cut with excellent brilliance.

Set your price before you go shopping, and whatever you do, AVOID CHAIN STORES LIKE THE PLAGUE. Go with an independent and make it clear that you’re comparison shopping (because you must, you absolutely must–we got quotes that differed by, literally, over a thousand dollars). My independent jeweler beat Blue Nile by 20% simply because I told him that’s where I planned to buy, and he obviously would prefer that I buy from him instead. Plus, we had the advantage of using his expert knowledge to find a diamond that was the best quality and size for our price.

I always knew I didn’t want a diamond. Way too common; I’m a funky girl. In my mom’s home country, it’s actually customary to give rubies, sapphires or emeralds.

I now have a gorgeous sapphire that’s just under 2 carats– we found that the round numbers tend to cost more, so a good way to save a buck is to go a few tenths of a carat under her “ideal” size. Believe me, 1.8 carats is way cheaper than 2, and it looks just the same on the finger. And if your lady is anything like me –doesn’t want a diamond and tends to be a tad clumsy– make sure you stick to the rubies and sapphires. They’re second in hardness only to diamonds.

I’m seeing comments about people spending $750 on an engagement ring? Where are you guys shopping? That is extraordinarily cheap, and I would not even have to question the size or quality of an engagement ring under $1,000.

Did I miss something somewhere?

I approached the ring purchase like any other big purchase is it quality (won’t fall apart) is the diamond quality. I refused to spend more than a one and a half months rent on the ring, that seemed foolish to me. Most rings aren’t an investment (it isn’t worth more in 10 years than it is today). Luckily my wife isn’t frivolous and would have been upset if I spent more on a ring.

It’s difficult to suggest how much to spend as I think everyone is diferent and it is wrong to try to advocate a “one size fits all approach”. In my husband’s case he wanted to get me a large Diamond but when he saw the prices of a top quality 1.5 carater it amounted to over $15000! In the end he went to http://www.bluenile.com where he bought a lower grade piece (SI1 clarity, M color) for $3000. A good idea as he got a much larger stone than he could have afforded in the top qualities but the difference to the human eye is so little that no one would know the difference anyway! I would say don’t be fooled by the hype on this – Diamonds are well over priced as it is due to the De Beers cartel – I notice Evan Rose on April 27th of this blog pointed out an excellent article on this phenomenon. My sister refused to have a Diamond after she watched the movie “Blood diamond” and her fiancee was between jobs so they went for a Tanzanite. They saved alot of money by buying the centre stone for $350 at this site http://www.lapigems.com and then buying two matching 0.15 carat Diamonds from Blue Nile (on my recommendation as we had a good experience with them, also in the SI1, K color range). They had the centre stone set by a local jeweler and the Diamonds added as sidestones. I must say the ring is very classy and only cost them $890 in all but looks much more expensive. Might be another way to go…but I still love my Diamond!

I just got engaged in October, and our wedding is May 30. My fiance bought a simple platinum solitaire with a diamond to start with, with the intention of customizing the rest of it with me. I have a very clear vision of what the ring will look like. We are getting a custom made wrap to fit the solitaire and a matching/fitting wedding band. All total, it will be $6800, plus the $1000 for the diamond and plat solitaire. I am incredibly happy that my man desires to spend as much as it takes to complete my vision. Engagment rings/wedding rings are VERY important to the both of us.

I think it’s a shame when people say “fit the ring into your budget, don’t fit your budget into a ring”. People are so poverty minded and have no faith. If you believe you’re poor, you will stay that way. If you dream for bigger and better things, you will achieve excellence. Trust me, it would take 3 months of both our salaries to pay for it out right. We are believing for increase and have had many other dreams fulfilled!

The very best is an heirloom ring.

50 years ago my husband’s grandfather bought his grandmother a nicer wedding and engagement ring set to replace the original small ones he’d bought when they’d married. Then he took the original “small” rings and had them made into a ring for himself. This ring, a large square gold ring with one 1/2 carat diamond and 6 smaller diamonds set in it, went to my husband when his grandfather died.

We had the same gold and diamonds re-set once again into a very pretty engagement ring for about $200.

I love it. It may not be the largest diamond in the world, but it represents my husband’s heritage and all that went into making him the wonderful man he is today.

The most original you can be is not to give her a ring. Don’t follow conventions, be original.

If she really loves you, she’ll love you even more. Thinking about money is just one of things that is wrong with marriage in america.

I just got enganged to my girlfriend. The other day we went to a pawn shop in our nearby city.

We found a really nice set that she loved and I paid $250 cash (Canadian dollars) which included all taxes and resizing.

No point to spend more than that because:
A) If you divorce, that money is wasted.
B) You can buy something cheap that still looks nice and put the difference into a house down payment, vacation, RRSPs/Investments, etc.

I am getting married in two weeks, I bought a engagement ring online…at bidz.com, I spent about 1 weeks pay…and she loved it..and she liked that I got a bargain…she’s frugal too!I ended buying the wedding ring at a large jewlery chain that I thought would be expensive, but it was cheaper at Jarred’s than any of the small stores we went searching through…and the wedding band cost half of what the engagement ring cost…we are trying to do the whole thing, rings ceremony party Mexico honeymoon<$10,000 total!
Don’t saddle yourself with debt….you know the statistic, 70% of divorces are at least part about money! No use getting off on the wrong foot!

engagement rings are waste of money.
diamonds don’t make a happy marriage.
our grandparents marriages lasted longer and they only had wedding bands.
in many eastern countries diamonds don’t even feature in jewellery shops and their marriages last longer.
As americans we are too materialic, superficial and brainwashed by the media and hollywood.
People need to start living in reality.
invest in something more worthile like your mortgage or your children’s educcation.
there are so many people in the world that work to live and don’t make more than 1 us dollar a day.
.people need to start focusing more on their innerself.
engagement rings are just about showing off to others how wealthy you are and that is pathetic.
a diamond doesn’t make a woman faithful. fidelity is a choice.

I ended up spending 1.5x what our ‘budget’ was… and it was still less than 1 month’s salary. I would spend that again in a heartbeat. Reason: Cultured Blue diamonds.

Realize that almost every diamond in a store is cut to maximize the carat value, so they can charge you more. But you want the diamonds for the ‘sparklie’. So get yourself to BlueNile and learn about diamond CUT. Since it’s the cut that governs light return.

Anytime my wife goes anywhere, she gets compliments. Random strangers grab her hand… it’s nuts. And I just stand there and smile, knowing I did a really good job and that 20 years from now she will still be getting compliments.

And one last thing. DON’T go into debt for the wedding or the engagement ring or the honeymoon. The wedding day is over before you know it, and you will have fun on your honeymoon no matter what happens !

My husband bought me a gem stone ring for our engagement. It only cost $150.00 (in 1985)and has one large, oval emerald in the center, four diamond chips surrounding the center stone, then two smaller round emeralds on the outsides. I LOVE this ring and would not trade it for all the diamonds in Africa. The green emeralds represent everlasting (like evergreen)love. Twenty-three years later I still look at my ring and feel the tender sentiments attached to it.

I hate diamonds, and my boyfriend knows this. I told him that rather than a ring, I would like an engagement necklace. However, he got me a beautiful pearl necklace for our two-year anniversary, and suddenly I didn’t want an engagement necklace anymore…I liked the one he gave me too much.

But still, I knew I hated diamonds.

Digging through an old jewelry box one day, I found a ring that my sister once gave (sold) to me. It’s a beautiful white-gold ring with a ruby in the middle.
And that’s when I decided that if I must have an engagement ring, there was no need to go out and buy one if I had a gorgeous one already on hand (haha, pun).
I plan to make it a family heirloom, giving it to my oldest child – whenever that time comes.

I’m still not engaged (there’s no rush for two college students), but when I do get engaged, I already have a ring…and my boyfriend won’t have to pay a dime.

Hooray!

Hahahahaha! Right, I’m going to spend a whole month’s salary on an engagement ring. Don’t think so. Any woman who demands that I spend a whole month’s salary on her ring alone (not to mention the cost of the wedding, wedding ring, and honeymoon) is a high-maintenance gold digger anyway.

I love my diamond engagement ring. There, I said it.

I consider myself a frugal person, I am generally anti-Stuff, and I think that living within your means is extremely important.

However, if I have to pick my top three possessions, I will pick: my car, my laptop, and my engagement ring. Sure, they’re probably the three most expensive things I own, but I truly use them every day.

I wouldn’t have wanted anything larger (and in fact I was envisioning and hoping for a smaller ring than I got), but I love the ring that my now-husband chose, and I really do feel that it is a daily reminder and external sign of our love. Of course, we don’t need it to survive or even to be happy, but as far as Stuff in my life, I don’t regret it for a minute.

I do, however, agree with many previous posters: don’t ever go into debt for a ring. It’s not as important as financial security.