Ask the Readers: How Much Should I Spend on an Engagement Ring?
Published on - April 27th, 2007 (by J.D. Roth) Jim N. writes with a question that most frugal young gentlemen eventually face.
How much should I pay for an engagement ring? I realize that the ideal answer is, “Don’t spend a lot on the ring because she shouldn’t need material objects to realize you love her.” I agree, but that’s not very realistic. I want to buy her something very nice that she’ll be proud of, but I don’t know if I should try to pay cash, get a loan from the bank, etc.
This question falls precisely at that point where money decisions meet psychology and emotion.
It’s often said that a man should spend twice his monthly salary on a ring, but I have a strong suspicion that this is a marketing ploy from the diamond industry. (Which brings up another point: there’s no rule that you must give a diamond engagement ring.)
How should you pay for the ring? It’s best to pay cash, of course, but that can be difficult for a young man making his start in the world. And remember: you can often negotiate the price of an engagement ring. (Some people claim that buying an engagement ring is just like buying a car.)
I don’t recall how Kris and I set our budget when we went to buy her ring, but I know that I only spent $350. We were still in college, so this probably did represent twice my monthly salary, but that’s not why we chose it. We chose it because it was the ring that Kris liked best. I promptly charged it to my credit card. (If I were buying an engagement ring today, I would save for it.)
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My dream engagement ring is $78 at Wal-Mart. It’s yellow gold with a heart-shaped stone in the center and two smaller round stones on each side. The stones are cubic zirconia which look identical to (or sometimes–often–better than) high-end diamonds.
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To be truely frugal on a diamond purchase, you have to go where there is competition for your business – the internet.
It has been said before, but i will add my support – check out http://www.pricescope.com
In my opinion, a diamond is a commodity and therefore i was simply looking for the best value for the quality i wanted. If you want a High Quality diamond, I even more strongly recommend looking on the internet.
The forums here are great source of information and they have a search feature to see what diamonds are available for purchase: http://www.pricescope.com/
My search criteria: H Color, VS2 Clarity, 1.3 cts, AGS0 proportions (this gives high sparkle)
I ended up purchasing from Good Old Gold – a store located in NY, if you buy online from outside NY, No Tax! On a $10,000 purchase, that gives you more cash for buying what you want. http://goodoldgold.com/
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Wow, after reading most of these posts, I feel weird.
I’m buying a 2 carat, well cut- great quality ring for approx. $23k. It’s below retail, which is anywhere from $30-$50k. It’s been months but I finally found the stone and we’re having it custom made.
I’m already a homeowner, and have a decent job, with decent savings. It took a while to make the decision to buy such an expensive ring. I originally budgeted for $15k, but I really wanted to buy something over 2c. so I’m “sucking it up”
Based on the reviews I’ve already seen, I’ll probably get bashed for spending so much but like everyone says, this is what I can afford to make her happy. She didn’t want something this nice, she would of been happy with a smaller ring but I wanted to give her something that would be a reflection of my love for her.
I was just curious to see if anyone else is in a similar situation as me.
I’m 28 y/o.
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That ring will literally push back your retirement by years. Some might argue that making realistic steps towards a retirement together is a better symbol of love than falling prey to artificially scarce diamond scams.
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Aieee.
I do not have an engagement ring. I would have been horrified if my fiance had spent money that way – he’s worked so hard to fix his credit and pay down debt. The whole engagement-ring concept is nothing but a marketing ploy: I don’t know if I could marry a guy who fell for it.
We will have wedding bands; my parents’ rings were available since my mother passed away years ago and my father is remarried. Had those rings not been available, with their inherent sentimental value, I don’t think we would have wedding bands either. Maybe something funky/cool from Saturday Market for $20.
Seriously, for me, nothing is more romantic and special than a guy who plans for our future together.
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Well, on a positive note, we’ve both agreed not to have a big wedding. We’ll do something really small. I’d rather have a nice ring, and small wedding vs. the other way around.
BTW, I know cost of living is different everywhere. It would be nice to know where everyone is from.
I am from California, land of the 7 figure homes. I was having this conversation with one of my friends and he brought up a good point.
Some people’s homes cost $100k or even less, and if you’re talking about spending over $20k on a ring, it just seems absolutely insane.
I wish my home cost only $100k.. =P
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What about 7000
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Well,
I was with my boyfriend for 5 years before we got engaged. We both always worked until about two years ago where I was able to stop working and focus on school full time. He has a very stable job with a pretty good income for our age, while taking part time classes. We recently got engaged since I graduate in a couple of months. He spent about $3500 on my ring. I have NEVER been the materialistic type of girl, but I have always dreamed of my engagement ring and wedding. I’m just a romantic, traditional girl at heart and although the price does not matter, my ring always had to be something that I truly loved!
We are not in debt because of this ring, and we have savings to put into a house soon.
I think this is a decision that should be made by both people and it totally depends on how important a ring is to someone. In no way do I think people should go into debt because of a ring, but I think if the guy can afford it, and can crunch some numbers… it is definitely worth it. It’s an investment the woman will have forever.
P.S. Remember… 5 years of courtship… we both knew our economic capabilities at the time and we already have savings/bank accounts in both of our names. This would be another thing to make sure is important… Your debt is his debt, and her debt is yours!
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I’m a little annoyed by the people who seem to think there’s a correlation between not spending money on a ring and a happy marriage.
Of course we know that the relationship is the most important thing between a couple. No one thinks otherwise.
Just because someone wants to spend $3k, $5k or even $15k on a ring doesn’t mean they are doomed to an unfulfilling marriage.
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UMM… THE TWO MONTHS RULE IS RUBBISH… E.G MY BOYFRIEND EARNS 20000 EUROS A WEEK!!! DOES THIS MEAN HE MUST BUY ME A RING WORTH 160000 EUROS…..??? THERE IS NO RULE… YOU SHOULD JUST SET A BUDGET U THINK IS REASONABLE AND WORK WITH IT…. ALSO DO U PEOPLE REALISE IT IS OFTEN MUCH CHEAPER TO BUY A DIAMOND WEDDING BAND THAN TO BUY AN ENGAGEMENT RING CONTAINING THE SAME CARAT OF DIAMONDS…?? IT CAN ALSO LOOK MORE GLAMAROUS AND BLINGY TOO…
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I know this is an old post, but still getting comments… My engagement ring cost about a month’s salary, and, honestly, it was too much. I wanted the big diamond, and I love it, but there are way too many places/situations where I just don’t feel comfortable wearing such a valuable piece of jewelry. Meanwhile, the jeweler has trade-up policy, but not a trade-down policy, so I can’t even trade it in for a smaller stone. Oh, and it costs several hundred dollars a year just for the insurance.
I would not go into debt for jewelry or a wedding. Debt is best used for investments – education, housing, perhaps a car to get you to work. If the process of starting your lives together creates debt, you’re setting yourselves up to spend the rest of your lives together struggling with debt and possibly arguing because of financial stress. Pay cash.
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Let me preference what I’m about to say with.. I’m a tomboy. I don’t wear jewelry, I don’t wear make up.. I’m independently successfully, have my doctorate at 28… you get the picture.
But, I’d be difficult for me to accept an engagement ring less than 10K, not that the figure means everything, but if a man can’t afford that then he can’t afford to be married… and unfortunately, it’s important to me to know that if, for some reason, i had to rely on him, he’d put for the effort.
The engagement ring my now husband bought me was a total of 20K.
but to be honest, 90% was about the fact I wanted to make sure that in a bind he’d kill himself to provide for me… and the other 10% was to have one item as a “dazzler” because I’d never buy anything so frivolous as jewelry, as I’d likely lose/destroy it.
…… I have my engagement ring insured”
I also intend not to wear any other form of jewelery.. EVER, and I bought our wedding rings, which included the ring of his choice.. .. and his choice was a Stuart Moore Rose gold ring with the price tag of 8K. (Mind you, my ring has at diamond and he’s doesn’t).
Ohh, and before you all shoot me.. I paid for 90% of our wedding, and am likely the sole bread winner once the kids are born.
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Jewerly is just that, jewerly. Will you pass it on will you try to sell it. What happens when the couple divorces? What if you have no offspring? Do the couples split the 20 – 30 grand that was paid for a stone? I have been married 5 times. My first wedding, Was the “Big TODO” Dad walking me down the aisle, a full mass, matching bands, no diamond engagement ring, I inherted my grandma’s. (It has a carbon spot but I love it and think of her!) The bands were in simple yellow gold, hubby #2 – hummm, that was a mistake and I cannot remember if we had rings?! Beer tabs, maybe, hubbie #3 we had a beautiful park wedding with a fine reception provided by friends, again a simple gold band – grandma’s diamond still in attendance. Let’s move on to #4 – We purchased bands in the mall from a vietnam vet , who made them out of silver – we married in the courthouse and went bass fishing afterward. On to #5. A Very romantic, on bended knee presented me with a heart shaped diamond set in white gold and asked for my hand! I accepted. I was overwhelmed. I love the ring. However, I kindly told him that I will always cherish the ring, please it is enough. We went to the couthouse to get married after a five year engagement – a pawn shop provided us with a small gold band for the service (they did not have one for him (16). Anyway what else do you need. I agree that the relationship and future finacial success is more important that the dog and pony show of fancy rings and weddings. Good and loved friends understand!
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My girlfriend tells me that I need to spend 3 months salary on a ring. I haven’t even started my job yet out of college. Is this a problem.
If I spent $350 on a ring she would laugh at me and throw it in my face.
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Paying cash is a good idea, but I would strongly recommend putting a credit card in the middle. Pay off the balance at the end of the month, but use a card to take advantage of its perks.
I bought the diamond on-line through a broker, who provided the GIA cert and photos of the stone under a microscope before I placed my order, so he looked at it pretty well before giving me a thumbs up that this is a good stone. (It wasn’t his diamond; he got it from a supplier specifically for me, and he studied it himself before telling me to go ahead and place the order.)
It turns out the diamond had a scratch on its surface that was not mentioned in the cert; thus, the scratch occurred after the cert was made but before the photos were taken. (Probably during shipment to the broker.) I had no idea about this; my independent appraiser found the scratch very easily when she studied it under a loupe, which means the broker probably saw it as well.
In fact, when I went back to look at his pictures more closely, the scratch was there as well!!
Anyway, the diamond itself was good, and the scratch wasn’t a problem due to its location on the surface, but it still would reduce the value and cost money to polish away. So I had no desire to return it and start my diamond search all over again; I simply wanted the price lowered to accommodate this new discovery, and the broker refused to budge regarding price.
Since I already paid for it (using my credit card), he would not offer me a refund, and I was not willing to send back the diamond.
The credit card’s dispute department mediated and finally resolved the issue, saving me $400 that I would have otherwise lost had I paid in cash.
Moral of the story: Paying cash is good, but use a credit card’s perks for items such as this. Also, get expensive jewelry appraised ASAP. Even if you shop somewhere extremely reputable, careless mistakes are possible.
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I’ve been an attorney working in private bank trust departments for almost 20 years. I’ve seen how people with money acquired it and how they retained it. They are smart enough to know that you can never acquire money by spending it. They would sooner die than go into debt to buy consumer goods. They’ll go into debt but only to purchase property likely to appreciate.
These are the people who, instead of buying iPhone after iPhone and iPad after iPad, bought the stock of Apple when it was selling for about $7 early in 2003. Today, July 1, 2010, it sells around $260.
People with money don’t care about consumer goods, cars, big-screen TV’s or anything else that the masses “must have”. They know all this stuff is junk and that to buy it simply wastes money better deployed otherwise. In short, people with money got and kept it not by buying things but by buying the stocks of companies that sell things to other people…you for example.
I’ll leave you with this unsettling thought. Suppose you’d had $15,000 in October 1980 and that you’d been of a mind to “invest it”. You might have been lured to purchase jewelry, say a diamond ring, on the utterly untrue but long spread lie that diamonds are rare. Any jewelry store would have been happy to lure you in with a lot of special lighting over plush counters served by shills who are trained in how to try to induce you to put reason on hold and think romantically about how happy you would be if only you had a $15,000 diamond ring. They’d have told you it would be “AN INVESTMENT”. God help you if you fell for the scam. The ring you’d have bought on Friday, October 10th, 1980 for $15,000 would have been worth about $3,000 on Saturday, October 11th if you’d tried to sell it. It might not be worth even that today.
On Friday, October 10th, 1980, stock of Johnson & Johnson traded around $83 per share; you could have bought 180 shares for $15,000. That investment, a REAL INVESTMENT, would today, July 1, 2010, be worth over $500,000. After 48:1 stock splits, you would have over 8,600 shares of Johnson & Johnson paying annual cash dividends of almost $19,000.
You can be young in this country and be without money but this is no country in which to be old and without money. If you have no money, you have no power. If you want to end up parking cars for a high school kid who owns a parking lot, keep doing what you’ve been doing. Keep buying “diamond rings”. If you want to have some say about where and how you live and on what terms, leave the consumer goods on the shelves and buy the stocks of companies that sell things to other people. Just make sure you’re not the “other person”.
Good luck.
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what about vintage rings? tons at brimfield, plenty in shops everywhere else. you can get 1 ct plat ring for 1500, have it sized if needed.
different custom cool. and it’s fun to go…..
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What I have learned from reading the comments on here is nothing. Most of the people on here got cheap rings and tried to turn the subject to “its not about the ring size”. I know its not about the ring size, but just because 98% of you are CHEAP and don’t want to buy a “NICE” ring for your wife worth more than the TV setting in your living room doesn’t mean the people that do love their wife any less.
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My husband spent 1500$ total on our rings. My engagement ring was $1250, my wedding band was 150$ and his was about $100. This worked for us. That was two weeks pay for him. You need to think about how much money you make, the debt you already have what you have in savings and compare it to other purchases. I would say don’t spend as much as you would on a car but if you have lots of toys and don’t hesitate to spend upwards of one thousand dollars on a tv then you should be spending much more on a wedding ring than we did. Never take out a loan for it there are other things better suited for a loan. You need to spend enough to show her that it is an important purchase to you but you shouldn’t be comparing to the Jones’ Good Luck to everyone buying an engagement ring.for their woman!
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I see it from both ways.. But just wanted to say, A cheap diamond looks like a cheap diamond- they have quality ratings for a reason.. People saying they bought a ring from a discount store for a few hundred dollars and “Nobody can tell…” Everybody can tell, just nobody is going to tell you your engagemnt ring is cheap lol..
Don’t go in debt for a ring..
And there are many stores that have an upgrade policy, where you can trade in the diamond after a few years, and get the full purchase price to put towards an upgraded diamond..
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Even though we’ve already agreed to get married without rings, my partner is insistent that he spend three months salary on a ring. In our situation, I admit I do find it over the top. I already know I won’t wear it for the most part. (I can’t wear one at work, and due to nerve damage in that finger years ago can’t wear a ring for long at all.)
A beautiful ring is always a blessing and will always be a reminder of what it represents, but the most important thing to me would be making certain it’s something that will mean what it should to both parties. I would honestly rather have an engagement necklace because I can wear it and enjoy it.
For my parents, my father did the three months salary thing back in 1968. My mother had a beautiful wedding and engagement ring that she planned to divide between her sons … One for each as an heirloom. Unfortunately when she took it in for repairs because one of the stones was loose the jeweler (for whatever reason) decided to meld her ring together and form a new setting. That was almost 15 years ago and still brings her to tears when she thinks about it.
It might just be me, but I think that whatever engagement jewelry a couple shares (I did give my partner a ring … He’s just determined that I require one) needs to be something that has meaning for both of them, but should never be purchased with the intention of being an heirloom item.
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Mine was $68 and I think it’s beautiful! Not a big fancy diamond (which is just a big ‘OH HEY LOOK AT ME, MY RING AND MY STATUS’ type of thing I think.) I agree that the diamond industry did indeed make up that two month deal. I know that I DO NOT need to have $4,000 on my finger, ridiculous. Us ladies shouldn’t expect that either. Point is I’m married bitches.
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