Baby Boom: The Shockwaves of a Lifestyle Change
Wednesday, 12th September 2007 (by J.D.)This article is about Frugality, Health & Fitness, Kids
This is a guest post from Amanda, a Colorado tech writer and an activist for children with congenital heart disease.
I’ve been following Get Rich Slowly and Wise Bread lately, and I find myself fascinated by the reasons people have changed their lifestyles. If karma hadn’t kicked my butt, I wonder if I would have ever moved away from the consumerist culture in which I once reveled.
Once upon a time, my husband and I made almost $100,000 a year, had a mortgage payment of $900 a month for a house in a nice neighborhood, drove two new cars, had two cell phones, a full cable package, nice computer, went to a fancy gym with a sauna, ate out all the time, etc. etc. etc. Once upon a time, I had infinite free time and remodeled our kitchen for $2000, increasing the value of our starter home by $12,000.
Then came kids.
Everyone has to adapt to children. Furniture, diapers, breast milk storage bags, and all the baby accoutrements add up fast, but our first baby came with extras — five open-heart surgeries extra. Even with good insurance, our out-of-pocket expenses for all that — plus two c-sections, and cord blood banking (I support this for chronically ill children) — were $50,000 by the time our son turned three. Our second child was less expensive, but since she showed up only 13 months after her brother, we had a double diaper/crib/car seat challenge.
Daycare is not a safe option for a baby on oxygen, going in and out of surgeries, so we had nannies for a while. They were nice girls, but in the end, after payroll taxes and salary payout, it made sense for my husband to become a stay-at-home-dad. I had the higher salary and the better insurance options, and he was willing to give it a go.
Two and a half years later:
- We have one car.
- I ride my bike to work.
- I use the free gym at work.
- I use the free banking at work.
- We have only basic cable.
- We drink only water.
- I bring my lunch.
- Our family eats out only when it fits in our budget.
We pay cash for everything, we plan all of our purchases, and we, strangely, have far more cash saved than we ever did when we made significantly more. Even stranger, I am happier now, with my costly kids and leftover lunches, than I ever was burning through money.
Sometimes I want kick myself that we didn’t save more when we were younger. I can’t believe we used to have credit card debt when we had so much more income than we do now! But I figure life is too short and too precious to waste time regretting past mistakes. It’s far better to learn from them and make positive changes for the future.
I loved this article, my daughter was severly disabled after an accident two years ago. The state doesn’t allow us to leave her alone with her PCA during the day and because we like to sleep we use our alotted LPN hours during the night. This pretty much forces us to become a one income family so my husband is a stay at home dad as well. Thankfully we always tried to have the kids in day care as little as possible so we were used to a lower income before my daughter’s accident.
Her accident woke us up to the fact that we’re not in control of our lives and anything can happen. You can’t take out a lot of debt assuming that you’ll be able to work at the same job or that you’ll even have the same level of abilities next week. We’re working on becoming completely debt free and we’re slowly saving up for a van with a ramp in it. Hopefully we’ll have enough before she’s too big to pick up and carry!
I like this article because of it’s honesty and insight. I don’t have kids but I’ve made mistakes too (I’m still making some). I like how you state “life’s too short to spend time regretting past mistakes.”
What a great idea. Instead of feeling like a failure, take comfort in what we’ve learned and move on. Thanks.
Great article, and I think it meshes well with the whole “simple living” theme that JD has going. Sometimes we’re forced to learn that we really don’t need all the things we think we need.
I rarely hear family planning discussed in terms of finances. Something as simple as, “You can save money on cribs and carseats if you space your children x or more months apart” is good advice.
While we have no control over open heart surgeries, most parents do exercise some control over timing.
Interesting article.
Excellent post! I loved reading and can relate to the before-and-after story. And although we don’t yet have kids, we’re working hard to get to where Amanda and her family are (God-willing, minus the medical problems). We’ve whittled our lifestyle to a minimum, paid off our debts (except the house) and are preparing to live on one income for when little ones arrive. I’ve frankly never been happier!
What’s with the assumption that everyone will have kids? Given the state of modern contraception, you can choose to have kids (or not) just as easily as you can choose to live frugally (or not).
Great article! It helps you to realize how quickly things can change and how making sacrifices for the sake of family is important. I hope your oldest child is doing better. Health Insurance does not cover Private Duty Nursing as well as other medical needs. I wish you and your family the best!
Andrew’s right…not everyone wants to have children. If you do, that’s fine. It’s your choice and you’ll have to accept the consequences.
The post is interesting, but I would much, MUCH prefer the previous lifestyle w/out the kids. You can be frugal AND childfree.
You can be frugal AND childfree, yes, but in this writer’s case, they weren’t. Sounds like frugality started as a necessity. The good thing is that if it’s done right, frugality helps you focus on your priorities - which can make you a lot happier.
wow. I don’t want to hijack this comment stream,but I’m so glad we have a functioning healthcare system up here in canada. 50,000 in medical bills? our tax burden is slightly higher, but in return for that I have the security of never seeing a medical bill. ever.
We have a choice whether to have kids or not. But if we don’t object to having kids, shouldn’t we prepare ourselves for this major event emotionally, financially and educationally? We spend more time planning for vacations, colleges, or retirement, then we do for our future generations.
Wouldn’t it be great to start a family once we’ve established our careers, built our net worth to seven figures, gained wisdom through lots of practical and wise books, and achieved happiness in every day of our lives? …I think I am ready to have a child and give it the best that this world and I can offer.
@ Andrew and devil: FYI, conception, contraception and family planning are a bit more complex than what you’re making them out to be. It’s not always simple to perfectly space children, especially if a couple is already working against the biological clock or has fertility problems. No contraception, except abstinence, is 100 percent, so the idea that ALL couples are expected to CHOOSE when or when not to have children and how many years/months/days/minutes to space them apart, is absurd.
Wouldn’t it be great to start a family once we’ve established our careers, built our net worth to seven figures, gained wisdom through lots of practical and wise books, and achieved happiness in every day of our lives?
That would be great, except maybe for the part about the human race failing to perpetuate itself.
…I think I am ready to have a child and give it the best that this world and I can offer.
Best of luck with that. Be sure to come back when the baby turns one and let us know how it’s going. Some of the insight you may gain through all that practical and wise reading is that most people find that becoming parents for the first time is one of the most challenging situations they’ve ever faced–regardless of intelligence, education, income level, net worth, personal fitness, whatever.
If you luck out and it’s totally easy, (a) let us ask your wife if she shares your opinion [it's interesting how often two people can have quite different views on the subject] and (b) have a second. Guaranteed to be a whole different ball game.
Back to the original post and the first follow-up: Andrea and Sara, I really feel for your situations and I hope your kids are OK. It’s absolutely true that having children forces you to get your priorities in order, financially and otherwise. Be well, and good luck!
@MVP: Neither of us said that not having children was any easier or more difficult than having them. And neither of us said anything about conception or family planning. We just pointed out that it’s possible to choose not to have children - a possibility that the author of this post didn’t seem to take into account. The sentence “Everyone has to adapt to children” really got under my skin (as I’m sure it would have to anyone who was incapable or simply unwilling to have children).
I think when the author said ‘everyone has to adapt to kids’, she’s saying that when someone HAS a kid, there are a lot of changes that need to be made, and it’s hard to lead the same lifestyle once children are involved. She’s not saying that everyone (general) has to adapt to kids or everyone has to HAVE kids. She’s only saying that things change, and I think that’s obvious to everyone.
@Andrew:
I assume that what the OP actually meant was that every parent has to adapt to children. Which is almost certainly true.
FWIW I’m child-free, and I didn’t notice it when I read the article the first time.
Interesting how people jumped on the choice of having a child or not when the issue is more that unforsene circumstances arose despite planning. Saving and planning for a child is different from saving for a child with a severe disability.
Life happens rather quickly and it takes a lot of work to adjust to it’s changes. A friend of mine had saved for college. His freshman year he was in a freak accident that left him a quadriplegic. Insurance money covered most of his medical bills, but he still had to hire a nurse to be with him 24hours.
Another friend lost her job to downsizing. She had an emergency fund that covered rent for a few months, but then her building was sold and she now had to find a new place to live. Most apartments in NYC require brokers fees (15% of years rent) and she had to cut into that emergency fund so she could pay fee. She was already in Queens where housing is cheaper and had to move back in with her parents a few hours away commuting regularly as she went on interviews.
It’s difficult to plan for the unforseen - just when you think your bases are covered something that never in a million years would have crossed your mind happens - I think that’s the real issue being discussed. The insane happend so Amanda and her husband adapted. It’s easy to say “I’ll make an emergency fund” or promise to start saving/living frugally..but it’s easy to put that off until forced into a situation that MAKES you change.
Yes, “every parent,” is what I meant.
I am also child-free so I cannot relate to the article exactly as the author has. But I must agree — living frugally, being debt-free, and saving money feels better than the opposite. Knowing that (almost) no matter what happens that you are financially safe is a great feeling.
I just got a $1000 car bill (my mechanical child!) and had no worries paying for it because I have more than enough set aside for these expenses from years of frugal living.
Amanda — Illness certainly changes one’s perspective on finances and frugality. Thanks for this very thoughtful article on the topic.
[...] Baby Boom: The Shockwaves of a Lifestyle Change No kidding. All through the pregnancy, you know the changes are coming, then boom they hit and it’s completely different than you expected. My wife and I are vaguely looking at a “stay at home parent” situation. (@ get rich slowly) [...]
Well the article mentions “lifestyle change” not children specifically (I don’t have kids). It could just as easily be a long period of uneployment, an ill spouse or caring for elderly parents that throws your lifestyle out of whack.
andrew in comment 10: did you read the Globe & Mail article about why the middle class in Canada has grown so much, and is shrinking in other countries? It’s all of the government programs, keeps the country healthy and people’s financial security ticking over.
I am child free and living life king size (not too many occasions when i think too much to buy or not).The article gave me a new perspective. Better late than never.
As the articles and comments say, such unexpected events makes the impossible possible. The moral I get is that earn as much as possible and save as much as you can for the rainy days. U just never know when u ll be needing money.
Wow - Canada sounds nice. We have spent $50K in medical bills in the last six months. And we have health insurance!
Canada isn’t perfect. First, free health care is expensive, both in terms of higher taxes and real costs.
I was disabled due to back problems but the wait time for ‘free’ diagnostic tests was 9 months. I went out of province to buy a test which got me into recovery much faster. Despite not being able to work, I didn’t lose my job because I’m self-employed. But if I had a regular job I would have lost my income while waiting for tests. So while medical care is almost free, it is a long wait and that can have major $$$ consequences for people.
My husband had/s prostate cancer. We don’t know for sure, he had surgery, had negative psa readings for 17 months and now has positive psa readings but we have to wait 6 months before they’ll even do another psa test. We have to pay $30 for each psa test, plus parking ($13 each time sometimes x2 since they’ll make appointments for the same day but at two different hospitals).
We had to wait 5 months for the first surgery. The form of surgery was the old fashion, rip-him-open because that is all that is offered. Laproscopic and robotic surgery (much more common in the US) isn’t an option in our city (Canada’s 4th largest).
My girlfriend had to wait 6 weeks for a biopsy after a positive mammogram. And another 6 weeks after that for surgery. Women I’ve met in the US are out of surgery after only a couple weeks after they find a lump. My friend waited over 3 months from the first doctor’s appointment after finding her lump.
BTW: I pay $4K a year in additional Blue Cross coverage and $1800 a year in health tax surcharge on top of my almost 46% combined income tax rate.
Yes, Canada is nice in many ways, but don’t think for a minute that our health care is better. It is better in some ways and much worse in others.
Just like Canada is better in education (university is cheaper) but mortgage interest is not tax deductible.
And the stay-at-home parent is discriminated against. You can’t file a joint income tax return, family income isn’t taxed jointly. And working parents get to deduct the cost of day-care (and summer camp) but stay at home parents don’t.
Amanda, great post! I feel like you were telling my story (without the kids.) As you said, we all make our own mistakes. And it is so true that we often get our act together financially when we don’t have a comfortable cushion - when we are forced to.
Star Money Articles for the Week of September 10…
Here are some recent interesting posts from the MoneyBlogNetwork and beyond: No Credit Needed is on day 13 of 33 detailing how to save money and get out of debt. Get Rich Slowly details the shockwaves of a lifestyle change….
Excellent article, thanks for sharing your successes in both finance and shildren.
Noticed comments about birth control and family planning. As a Women’s Healthcare provider with many years of experience I strongly endorse both BC and FP however, the only 100% effective forms of these are abstinence. You go first!
Great post, Amanda!
This is something I will soon be dealing with - my wife has a bun in the oven, due mid-November. Our first.
We have a nice income, but I’m a little scared about what expenses will come with our son. Even so, I’m looking forward to the better quality of life of having my wife at home - mmm, her good home cooking again sometime. (Obviously not for a while after the birth, but eventually.)
And, once we finish paying off our debt (in addition to the mortgage, that is currently just 1x college loan, 1x car loan, and a 2nd mortgage) we should be in great shape.
[...] all of my friends having babies lately, here’s a great article from the great blog “Get Rich Slowly” (click the link and you’ll go there) for [...]
We’ve been trying to cut back as well, but it is difficult. Seems like it is one step forward and two steps backward, lol.
[...] Amanda described the shockwaves of a lifestyle change. [...]