Lady Kemma recently wrote with a question about money and ethics:
Last week I went out with my work department. After feeding 30 people, all with individual checks, I left the harried waitress a generous tip. My colleague said, “You’re leaving too much tip.” I said, “The poor lady earned it.” I left the money on the cash tray and got up to leave. My colleague proceeded to take some of the money off my cash tray and put it in her pocket. Since I only have to deal with this lady once a year, I let it go. Thoughts?
Dilemmas like this fascinate me. There are so many things going on at once, it’s difficult to make a smart decision on the spot. I like to think I would have challenged my colleague — I’ve waited tables, and if I leave a tip for someone, nobody had better touch it. On the other hand, I’m often afraid to make a scene, so maybe I would have kept my mouth shut. I don’t know. Just two hours after Lady Kemma sent her question, Kris and I faced a similar situation, but in reverse.
I took Kris to lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant last Saturday. The bill was $10.25. I left a $1.75 tip. “That’s not enough,” Kris said. “Why not?” I asked. “There’s a certain minimum you need to leave, no matter what the bill,” she told me. “That’s crazy,” I said. “I usually leave $6 when I order a $4.50 lunch on my own. That’s 33%!” When we got up to leave, she put an extra $2 on the table. Is there a minimum tip amount? What is it? (I’m not asking about 10%, 15%, 20% — I’m asking about actual dollars and cents.)
Finally, from the September 2005 Boston Review, here’s one of my favorite money dilemmas:
Mike is supposed to be the best man at a friend’s wedding in Maine this afternoon. He is carrying the wedding rings with him in New Hampshire, where he has been staying on business. One bus a day goes directly to the coast. Mike is on his way to the bus station with 15 minutes to spare when he realizes that his wallet has been stolen, and with it his bus tickets, his credit cards, and all his forms of ID.
At the bus station Mike tries to persuade the officials, and then a couple of fellow travelers, to lend him the money to buy a new ticket, but no one will do it. He’s a stranger, and it’s a significant sum. With five minutes to go before the bus’s departure, he is sitting on a bench trying desperately to think of a plan. Just then, a well-dressed man gets up for a walk, leaving his jacket, with a bus ticket to Maine in the pocket, lying unattended on the bench. In a flash, Mike realizes that the only way he will make it to the wedding on time is if he takes that ticket. The man is clearly well off and could easily buy himself another one.
Should Mike take the ticket?
The “correct” answer to this final moral dilemma varies from culture-to-culture. In the U.S., most people would say, “No, Mike should not take the ticket.” But, as the article explains, in other parts of the world, an overwhelming majority of people believe the right thing to do is for Mike to take the ticket — personal relationships and contractual obligations are more important. (The Boston Review article isn’t about personal finance, but it’s absolutely fascinating — read it if you have a chance.)
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#1. i would have asked the lady for the money back. if i decide to give it to the waiter, thats my decision. i did not decide to give the colleague the money. if i wanted to , i would have handed it to her.
2. there is no minimum, it runs by %. otherwise why wouldnt you go out for a nicer lunch all of the time, you will be paying for it anyways.
3. i might take the ticket, but i dont say that this is the right thing. this is just how i am, and it wouldnt be malicious, but sometimes i overstep the line if necessary.
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My husband and I always tip generously. We usually share meals at restaurants and drink water. So our bill is usually aroudn $10 or $15, but we usually tip as if we ordered separate meals. Granted we only eat out once a month or so.
I feel that being generous is part of good money management. Often when we start being frugal we can go too far and saving money becomes too important to us. I want to save money so I can be generous when an opportunity comes up.
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Outrageous that the colleague stole the money! She might as well have pinched it straight from LK’s wallet!
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#1- I would have told the lady off. It’s not her business how much I tip.
#2. I think it depends. When I worked as a waiter in undergrad, our restaurante would have .99 draw happy hour. People would come in and order tons of beer but no food. I had to work my butt of pouring and bringing their brew to them. If there was a table of 4 and each one ordered 10 beers, that’s 50 beers I had to serve. On top of that they always stayed a long time, thus holding up a table I could use for other customers. When they’d finally leave, each would leave about a buck for a tip. Not cool considering the work.
But other than that, I was happy just to get 15% from people. You’d be surprised how very few people actually tip that.
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(1) I would absolutely tell my co-worker to put the tip money back on the table. She certainly has no right to the money and I would be kind but very firm on that point.
(2) I’m with your wife on this. I do think there is a “minimum” amount that one should tip on a lunch or dinner. The amount of work for the wait staff for a $5 meal and $10 meal is the same.
(3) I don’t know. Anyway to take the ticket but then send the ‘rich’ man the money at a later date. I wouldn’t feel right about taking the ticket.
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My husband’s (former waiter) comment on #1 was that some people will do anything — even steal from a colleague! — to make sure the server doesn’t get “too much” of a tip! We usually tip 20%.
On #2, I don’t think there’s a minimum amount, except speaking to Brett’s comment, I do think it’s common wisdom that you should give a bartender about $1 a drink or at least $1.50 for two. And I think etiquette (and kindness) says you should tip a server what you would tip on the full price if you get a good deal. Otherwise, in most restaurants, the server is paying to wait on you — their wage usually doesn’t cover the taxes on what the IRS expects tips will be.
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I guess my opinion on tipping varies. My friend group has always left a minimum of $1 per person and goes up from there based on service and meal price. I’d say we average out to 20% most of the time, and we generally spend too much money when we do go out.
On taking the ticket, I couldn’t do it.
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#1- Settling checks for 30 people is damned hard work, and so, I think the colleague is a thief. How horribly presumptuous of this person to assume to take the money out of the tray and pocket it.
Shame shame shame.
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1. Wow. This redefines my definition of CHEAP. To *steal* a portion of a tip *someone else* gave because she thought it was too much. Just, WOW. If I was LK, I’d have very publicly announced what she was doing and made her put the money back for the waitress.
2. It’s a personal choice. For me I don’t tip less than $5 even if the meal was only $6. They way I see it, they’re doing the same job whether it’s $6 of food or $60 (which isn’t to say I only tip $5; I typically tip 20-50% of a tab). Tipping less is an insult to their effort imo, and only done when the waiter/tress isn’t doing their job.
3. I’d have given him back the jacket then asked if he could help a fellow out.
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Certainly it makes sense to leave extra tip for a larger party like that, but the colleague is a thief, no matter whether the tip was deserved or not. It wasn’t her money to take! How rude. I would like to say I’d have called her on it, but like J.D., I’m not sure if I’d be willing to make a scene.
Interesting comment from #6 about how that is not an uncommon sort of thing for people to do. It’s bad enough to leave an insufficient tip oneself, but to steal money that someone else left, how crazy can you be?
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The colleague is a thief. She voiced her opinion and should have left it at that. She wasn’t the one leaving the tip, it wasn’t up to her to decide how much was left. And to have the gall put the money in her own pocket is outright theft.
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#1 – Yeah that wouldn’t fly with me, I would tell the colleague to put the money back – that just aint cool on so many leveles
#2 While I do think there is a minimum amount, it’s personal decision that I think is pretty justifiable ither way
#3 It’s not just question of culture, it’s also a reflection of means. I think it’s easy for those who have plenty to get on a moral high horse, but many people are “forced” to morally difficult decision. Like the classic philosophy question posed about stealing to pay for drugs to save your daughter.
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1. I’d inform the woman that she has no business telling me how to spend my money, nor to help herself to it if she disagrees with me. I’d avoid going out with her in the future, if at all possible.
2. I tend to tip a higher percent if it’s a smaller bill, or, if I know I’m a lot of work. If I go out with friends & only get a cup of coffee, I may leave 2-3 dollars tip. The waitress refilled my coffee all night & we were probably not exactly easy customers. I think the whole tipping industry sucks though. Until you get into the *really* high-end restaurants were waiters are trained in wine & other things, it’s pretty much the same work to wait on you whether it’s a $7 meal at a diner or a $20 meal at a brewpub.
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#1. Unless the person was someone that I had a large stake in impressing (such as a potential business client), I would not only take back the money, but I would leave an additional tip if I could spare it just to spite the person.
#2. I don’t think there is a minimum that you should feel you have to tip. That said, I think tipping is a function of the service that you receive for your meal amount. For example, if the Chinese restaurant in question were a buffet and all the waiter did was refill drinks, I’d only leave a straight 10-15% of the bill. By counter example, if I only ordered a drink that costs $1.50, I would be inclined to leave at least 50 cents if I had gotten several refills and he did a good job of keeping up with when I needed one.
Interestingly, I know some people (such as my mother-in-law) who think there is a minimum percentage that you should tip irrespective of the service that you receive because “they don’t make a lot of money”. I completely disagree with this. The only way that they will learn to perform better is by recognizing that their service was bad and that they need to improve. If the person apologizes, I am more forgiving than if they are oblivious.
#3. If it were the only option remaining, I would take the ticket.
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1. That lady should definitely be confronted. Seriously, that is basically stealing from the waitress or you.
2. I think there is a minimum and I always round up to the nearest dollar for typical restaurant style dining.
3. It is wrong to steal. Seriously. Call your friends, relatives, etc… Stealing a loaf of bread to eat might be dismissed but anything beyond that is a moral lapse.
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Ok, as a former server and certified server-trainer, here are my answers.
On #1: a tip is, at its most basic, a gift from a customer to a service person; the person who “skimmed” the tip you left stole that money from the server every bit as much as if they took your kid’s allowance (which is also a gift from you to your kid).
On #2: no, there is no “minimum amount” to leave. The current etiquette is to leave about 18% as gratuity, but this is a *guideline*. If you do not get acceptable service, then it is perfectly ok to leave a smaller tip (or none at all) — if the server goes far above what’s required of them, leaving less than 18% is outright rude, and I’d even recommend tipping more if you’re there regularly. Servers remember people who reward service, and those who tip cheaply after getting good service — they work for tips, and will therefore allocate their efforts where they will make the most money.
However, please also remember that in many establishments servers are limited to taking a certain number of tables. If you come in when the restaurant is full and just order dessert, please realize that you’re taking up a table that might be dinners, and be a little more generous than usual.
My tipping guidelines:
* Meals are about 18% of the ticket.
* “Snacks” — going to a place that primarily serves meals just for appetizers or dessert, for example — get 20% of the ticket plus $1 or so per person if the place is busy at the time.
* Bar rounds are $1 per round, up to 4 drinks; more if I ask for involved or specialty drinks (like anything in a blender), or if it’s a large round. For very large rounds, I tip about 10%.
* Buffets with good drink and busing service, I leave $1 per person. If there are no servers, I will leave $1 or so per table depending on the quality of the busing service.
I use the bar rule for coffee baristas (except at one shop that pours art in my latte, they get larger tips, because that’s just awesome).
Also, poor service gets little or no tip — I prefer little because the staff then knows I didn’t just forget. However, if your service was poor enough to withold tip, please take the time to say something to management — no manager wants your experience to be that poor.
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Wow, #1 is really bad. That’s just flat out stealing. I may have let it slip if the colleague was your superior, otherwise I would have given them a piece of my mind.
#2 is a little more tricky. I do think there is a minimum that you should tip as long as the service is good. I think it really depends on the situation, how many people were being served, what kind of food was ordered, etc… However, I don’t think it’s $6 in most cases. I usually won’t go below $2 in most cases.
For number 3 I think the answer is absolutely not. Putting aside all of the moral questions about whether or not it’s ok to steal from the rich, there’s no way in our society that you can tell that someone is rich just by the way they dress. He could be a salesman who has to dress up for his job but makes very little money. He could be a poor college student wearing the only suit he has to an interview. He could be up to his ears in debt paying for all those fancy clothes. There’s just no way to be certain just how wealthy he is, therefore it’s wrong to take the ticket.
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Brandon said:
“The only way that they will learn to perform better is by recognizing that their service was bad and that they need to improve.”
Unfortunately I don’t think this is true. The problem is that there are a lot of people who leave crappy tips regardless of how good the service was. So if a customer leaves a bad tip most waiters aren’t going to blame themselves, they just think the customer was a jackass.
Like radiantmatrix said, a tip is basically a gift from the customer to the server, so just give them what you think they deserve. If they give you poor service, then feel free to tip them accordingly, but don’t expect it to change their attitude towards customers in the future.
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Ha.. There’s an old movie, “My Blue Heaven,” where Steve Martin’s character tips everyone, he says, “I don’t believe in tipping, I believe in overtipping.” At one point, he tips $100 to the FBI guy who arrests him.
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Wow. I’m stuck on #1! Yeah I would have confronted the woman. I might even have threatened bodily harm if she didn’t immediately rectify the situation. So very not cool.
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1. I agree with the herd. It’s stealing, and it’s stealing from the waitress.
2. Reading the discussion here has been interesting. First, I do tend to tip higher on smaller bills, sometimes substantially higher.
On alcohol, though… I was actually taught that you were not supposed to include the price of alcohol when calculating your tip, if you ordered it with a dinner. I see almost noone do this, however. It comes up most often in professional situations, for me, eg when taking a company guest out to a nice dinner where a not-cheap bottle of wine is ordered. Any thoughts?
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Lady Kemmas ‘colleague’ is a thief. That money CLEARLY belonged to the waitress. In any event, the money did NOT come from the colleagues purse and should never have ended up there. Moreover, the domineering ‘colleague’ was out of line for passing judgment on how much LK should tip. Management should be quietly informed of this, as it is revelatory of the other womans’ character.
There is NO minimum gratuity. It is a voluntary reward for service rendered and not an automatic part of the tab. Look up the word gratuity in a dictionary. When I get lousy service, the server gets a lousy tip. We’re even. When I get great service, the tip can be more than the tab itself. The server, in my case, sets the tip level. For ordinary service, I’ll give 15% – 20% … but the service involved in setting a cup of coffee on a lunch counter really doesn’t warrant a large tip. If that cup got refilled 6 times, the tip will grow exponentially because I know that the server could have been collecting percentage tips from customers with larger tickets.
I don’t know about the bus ticket. I think I like Andrews answer better than any other I could come up with. But, if that ploy doesn’t work, I also think that Mike needs to ask himself which is worth more … that ticket or his personal integrity. He has made a critical promise to his friend, but life is like that … sometimes our mouths make promises our tails can’t keep. Not being there on time might cost him the friendship. Stealing the ticket WILL cost him his integrity. When he explains to the friend what he has done, he may lose the friend anyways. I know that I am not comfortable trusting and associating with known thieves.
Meanwhile, back at the wedding, if his friend isn’t more concerned for Mikes welfare than about the rings, something was not right to start with. The wedding is still a wedding without the rings, but if I have put that much trust in someone and they didn’t fulfill that serious obligation, my first concern would be for the upset of my bride but, hard on its heels, I’d be looking into finding out what had happened to my best friend. Maybe what Mike should do is ask to use the phone so he can call the groom and let him know what has happened and let the friend begin a rescue effort by wiring Mike enough money to get a room and a meal for the night and a bus ticket for the next day.
If Mike still has sufficient conscience that the unattended jacket poses a dilemma and not simply an opportunity, the theft will dog him for years yet to come. (see 2 Timothy 3:1-5)
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I think this is an interesting topic, but as far as the third situation goes –
What happens when the guy comes back for his coat and is trying to get on the bus? (“Rich” guys don’t ever take the bus! So he will definitly come back for his coat!)His ticket is obviously been stolen and you have been running around begging a ticket off people and there you are on the bus! Who do you think is the first person everyone is going to turn around and look at?
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Rachel, that’s an interesting point.
Also, I’ve edited the post to add why other cultures might feel it’s okay to take the ticket. Like most people here, I think it’s stealing. But I can see how in other cultures it might be the lesser of the two evils…
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We tip well when we go out to dinner, we know we’re going to, so we just budget that in to the price of dinner. But, I don’t tend to use the tip jar at the coffee shop where I get my daily tea (I used to throw in my change but now the cost is $2.00 and I usually have the two bills)–somehow, I think that being a regular customer should mean something to the shop and in that kind of situation there’s no relationship to service, what is going on is that I’m helping the owner pay for sales help. That doesn’t seem right, to be responsible for wages in a coffee shop. I think in those cases the wages should just be more, and paid for by higher prices overall, not the kindness of some customers.
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#1. I would be LIVID. I would promptly and as nice as possible to put the money back. If they didn’t I would lose it no doubt. I can’t believe someone has the gall to do that. They had ZERO claim to that money. It was either the person who left it or the waitress PERIOD. Like another person said that is no different than taking straight from their wallet/pocket. I would not be able to trust that person after that. I often do the same and sometimes people comment but nothing beyond that. I do wait until everyone else has tipped though because I have noticed people will shirk their tip if I tip larger.
#2 I base it all on service. I never look at percentages. If they did good they can get a regular tip but if it was great service I have in fact tipped 100% on a lunch bill like that.
#3 sketchy. If he did take it totally write down the person’s name etc. Mail them an anon apology and some cash later.
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It blows my mind that her colleague would just take that money. I would have made a scene, just like I do for lazy people who can’t walk five feet from the elevator to the escalator when people with strollers or wheelchairs (who actually NEED the elevator) are waiting behind them. Or the people who jump in front of those with wheelchairs to get on an elevator.
I would have said politely, please put that money back I did not give it to you. If that didn’t work I’d start talking very loudly about that person being a thief (or something similar). I don’t like stupid people.
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1 & 2
My tips are based off of the total performance of the waiter/waitress alone. The food can take forever to get to me but what I care most is if the waiter acknowledges it and keeps me up to date. I would like to get my water refilled when needed without asking. Checking up regularly is great. I do not like places that tack on gratuity for you so in that case I do not leave a tip since they are forcing it. If the service is great I will tip a minimum 15%. If not, you get what you deserve. Being in IT, I do not receive a tip on my performance of fixing computers, especially when I do it quick but that’s because I get paid. Don’t waiters and waitresses get paid too?
#3
This is a tough situation. You can take the ticket and take down his name so afterwards you can contact him and apologize and tell him the story. On the other hand you shouldn’t because it is stealing. You are basically doing what had happened to you.
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1. My husband and I always start a waiter/waitress out at $15 when we go out to eat at a nice restaurant. (Our meals typically run in the $60 range but if it’s over $100 we start them out higher) If they “just meet our needs” they earn the $15. If they “go above and beyond” they earn an additional $5. If they are truly bad they lose money based on the level of bad. I have given as little as $1 and a note of explanation to a waitress that was exceptionally rude and have given the $20 twice to very good service.
2. I typically give a minimum of $2 in tip when we eat on the cheap. If we have “talked” or taken up a great portion of the time at the table I’ve been known to give as much as $5.
3. I honestly am not sure what I would do in that situation other than maybe try to seek out the man to return his coat and quickly explain the situation to him hoping he has a kind heart.
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#1 – I agree with the herd – the lady was WAY out of line! The moment is past now, but I would avoid associating with her as much as possible – at the next group lunch, wait for her to sit, then pick someplace far away from her!
#2 – local taxes ar in the 7-8% range, so doubling the tax amount is an easy way to figure out how much 15% is. Then I adjust up or down based on how well they served me. I have no problems with cutting the tip severely if service is poor. If it is really bad, I don’t bother talking to the manager, I just never return there. If I get what I consider to be exceptuional service though, I make a point to find the manager and tell them. I don’t think this happens often enough, because I usually find the manager by asking the server to send him/her over, and the poor server’s eyes get that worried look. I reassure them, so this way they know, and the manager knows.
#3 – very tempting, but I don’t think I could take the ticket, plus, as Rachel pointed out, you’ll be the obvious suspect, and how’s is your arrest going to help you get to the wedding? If the friends are true friends, they may be upset for a while about the wedding, but they’ll also be concerned about you losing your wallet. They’ll understand that life intervened.
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#1 – I think that, since this was a business lunch, office politics came into play. Otherwise I would openly and loudly ask them what they were doing, and to put the money back. Being sure all 28 of the other people realized what just happened. But when the politics get involved, you have to ask whether confrontation is more important than the money. Despite how furious I’d be, I probably would not have said anything either just to keep the air clear when performance review time comes around. I would definitely have thrown in more money to raise the tip back up again though, probably giving it directly to the waitperson at that point.
#2 – I will usually leave no less than $2 for a tip for lunch and $3 for dinner. Work is work, and if they took care of me then I feel the obligation to take care of them. Most of all, I have a tendency to frequent the same places (especially when going out to lunch from work). So I definitely don’t want to build a reputation as a low tipper.
I notice that you mentioned it was your favorite Chinese place JD, so I assume you go there relatively frequently. Why would you not want to reward the people who provide you with good service over and over again?
As a side note, at some places I’ll even build a relationship with the managers. That way, if I get exceptionally good or bad service, they’ll know they can trust me as a frequent customer and act accordingly.
#3 – I like Andrew’s (9) and BillinDetroit’s (22) answers. As someone who has left their wallet at home 2 hours away for a weekend before though, there is absolutely NO way to get money. Any place that wires money will require an ID for whoever picks it up. You’re basically screwed until you get some form of ID again. (Which is why I now keep about $20 cash and a state-issued ID card stashed in my car.) Luckily I was with friends and they covered me for the weekend, though I still felt like a jackass.
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1. It is clear that the woman was stealing, it’s not her business how much tip someone else decides to leave from their own pocket, nor was the money hers to take back.
2. It’s percentage as well as level of service. Relating to the above question – as everyone from the party had left individual checks for the waitress to process that is definitely worthy of a larger tip – anything that makes the waitress’ job more complicated should be factored in when you tip.
3. It would be interesting to know if this is a real or hypothetical example. In my experience of real life situations something usually works out. Bottom line – he shouldn’t take it, it’s stealing and that usually turns around and bites you in the butt later.
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@iarenoob (28):
Waitstaff may legally get paid below minimum wage. It is assumed that they will receive tips to supplement their income. This is why in places like grocery stores, they baggers are not supposed to take tips. If they accept tips, their pay can be reduced to below minimum wage also.
I also just thought of something for #3, probably the prime reason I would not just take the ticket. You have no idea why that person needs that ticket. What if he’s getting on the bus to see a dying relative, or some other important event same as you. This makes me want to support Andrew’s answer even more. Explain your situation. Show him the rings if you have to. (Actually don’t… Getting mugged because you’re carrying two expensive rings would be a bad thing.) Put the decision in his hands, and now suddenly he’s the one with the moral dilemma.
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I really dislike the tipping concept. I still tip at least 15%, but I would rather just pay 15% extra for the staff to get paid a living wage. I think it is the employer’s responsibility to pay their employees not the costumers. Plus tipping etiquette varies across professions. Wait staff, cab drivers, bell hops, and bar tenders all have different tipping standards and I don’t really care to keep up as I don’t go to bars, stay at hotels with bell hops, or use cabs.
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On situation #1, I was invited out to lunch by a co-worker who was at a much higher pay grade than me (I was a intern at the time, I think). The bill for the two of us came to $50 and he left a ridiculously low tip (around $2). He didn’t say anything about being unhappy with the food or the service– I got the impression that he was either a) really cheap or b) very bad at math. So we went back to the office together and I snuck out later and left some more money for the waiter with the hostess.
So for all the people out there who don’t understand why some people routinely tip >15%, it’s to make up for the other people who undertip.
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I have had many experiences that were similar to situation number one. They most often happen when a group of folks go out together and then when you count out the money everybody left on the table you realize that there is a sizeable tip left. Typically, if people feel that they each left the right amount, even if the total is higher than a normal tip, I say leave it. However, often people will leave more than they would normally because they don’t want to appear stingy infront of their frieds. In such case, if they want some of their money back, that’s fine too.
Taking money somebody else left is nuts.
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What a lot of folx seem to be missing also is that in a lot of states, servers make about $2.20 an hour. In Texas, servers make $2.13 an hour and we are taxed on the tips the government assumes we’ll get.
Yes, tips are a “gift,” but I will tell you that most of the time, unless I knew I was having a bad night (and I’m pretty honest about it) most people who don’t tip are just cheap jerks.
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@Shadox: Yeah, that’s a good point. I’ll often initially put in a bit over just to make sure we don’t collectively come out behind (or if I don’t have change), and then correct once we can see we’ve gotten enough… but, that’s pretty different from if it were all separate checks to begin with!
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1. I would have said something immediately. I would have smiled and said, loudly enough to be heard, “Excuse me, but what are you doing?” I’d use a tone that suggests that she made a mistake of some kind, if at all possible. I might even say, “Oh, I think you picked up the tip I left for the waitress by mistake.”
2. If I get good service, I don’t like to leave less than $5.
3. You don’t need a bible to tell you that it’s stealing. The guy isn’t going to starve or be otherwise harmed if he doesn’t make it to the wedding. The economic circumstances of the other person are irrelevant. You don’t steal from someone just because of an inconvenience. I could probably forgive someone for stealing if he were starving.
I’m appalled at the number of people here who have suggested that it would be okay to steal from another person just to go to a wedding.
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Situation #1 is plain-old theft.
That is *your* money while it’s on the table. When the waitstaff picks it up it becomes *their* money.
It’s no different than lifting it right out of your wallet.
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Maitresse (#38) makes a good point about the third question. Not making it to the wedding is just an inconvenience. The couple can still get married, you can still give them their rings later. It isn’t absolutely necessary that you be on that bus.
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Hi folks, just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences on tipping.
Considering how different things are here in the Philippines when it comes to tipping, I am not sure my comments will be entirely applicable. But just as an FYI, here, most people tip based on the money they have remaining. We would leave either a 20 pesos bill or a 50 peso bill (which is roughly 40-50 cents and 1.20 dollars respectively). There is generally no minimum customary tip in our culture, though there are those who do leave more, like 100 pesos or which is 2 dollars…
But we do have a ten percent service charge in most of our restaurants here, as well as a 12 percent Expanded Value added tax, so most diners feel we have paid for the service already, so to speak. Since I have been taught by my family to be relatively frugal, I leave 20-50 pesos only myself, sometimes less. It doesn’t make me a bad person, and the waiters dont give me nasty looks. Its just the way things are here. Just my two cents.
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#1- Is an act of theft. The money doesn’t belong to the co-worker.
#2- There is no “minimum tip”. A tip is a gratuity to the server because you appreciated their level of service. If I don’t feel like leaving my server a gift I’m not going to. If I feel like tipping $100 on a $5 meal, I’m going to do that. (Keep in mind that thus far I’ve never tipped $100 on a $5 meal, but I suppose it’s possible).
#3- Taking the ticket is an act of theft. Regardless of which culture you’re talking about I know of no nation that actively condones stealing (unless you’re a governmental official, in which case it’s called graft (no, it’s not taxes either, they’re specifically authorized by statute). Is “Mike” a governmental official?). If Mike takes the ticket he should be charged with a crime. This is arguably true for the person in scenario #1, however, for her she should start with a good lecture.
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Tradition (at least the way I was raised) where I live has would say good service gets 15% tip on the total ticket. Now, our sales tax here is 8.25%, so I usually double the tax and round to the nearest dollar.
I definitely agree that generosity is a key to financial contentment, but if you get poor service…the tip (or lack thereof) is how you communicate it. Unfortunately there are those who tip very little as their norm, no matter what quality of service they get.
However, if you will notice, many restaurants have begun ADDING 15% gratuity to parties of 8 or more. Do we tip again after the check is figured in a case like this?
To respond to the primary question, where the friend picked up part of the tip and pocketed it: that’s constitutes theft (either from me or the server), and I would question my relationship with that person.
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I think what colleague did was wrong, she tipped the waitress what she thought she deserved, doesn’t give the colleague the right to take money off the tray like that.
In that situation I would have let your colleagues leave and put the same amount of money back which the colleague had taken back, then confront the colleague away from the restaurant.
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Sheesh–the woman who took the tip money and put it in her pocket is a thief. Pure and simple.
As for the moral “dilemma” regarding the bus ticket–stealing the ticket is wrong. We’ve all heard “two wrongs don’t make a right”. “Mike” is just passing off his own trouble to another person–that’s not a solution.
Perhaps this “well-dressed” man is taking the bus to an interview, and he’s spent his savings to get his nice duds for the interview. I’ve been in similar situations myself when I was younger, but regardless no one has the right to steal from an innocent person to restore what was stolen from them!
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#1 I find it very interesting the ways people might handle this, especially in a work setting. I believe tipping to be a personal thing, and whatever an individual decides to leave is their business. However, I don’t believe scolding colleagues, even those rarely seen, to be a positive thing in public. If the co-workers were all at the same level, I’d put more money back in (even though it costs me more) and just give the total to the waitress directly.
If I’m splitting the bill with someone who is more senior than me who leaves a small tip, I’d find a polite and unobtrusive way to make up for it. It isn’t the amount of money a colleague makes that’s in question (in fact, I’d probably offer to pay, as this makes for good relations and networking. $80 is cheap for the insight and friendship they might offer).
Tipping, I’ve found, is a very personal thing and it is best to let people tip whatever they want. I’ve left tips in shared hotel rooms while my roomies left none, especially for longer stays. People can clearly see that you’re leaving money out and writing a note to the housekeeper saying “Thanks for a good job.” and they’ll put in money if they want to.
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Wait, you’re supposed to tip for hotel rooms? This had never even crossed my mind! Oh, dear. I hate this system.
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#1 That lady was way out of line.
#2 My husband and I have both worked food service gigs and we have a lot of friends who are bartenders. As they like to say, “Keep your quarters.” Rude? Maybe. But neither am I going to waste any time debating how much change to leave them. We leave whole-dollar tips, and if we’re eating at a sit-down place we never leave less than $3.
#3 I get that the situation is contrived exactly so that we feel conflicted, but this just wouldn’t happen – no way would the guy with the rings be taking the bus to the wedding. (I just got married, I should know.)
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I do believe there is a minimum tip you should leave. There’s a rather fancy restaurant around here that runs about $12-15 a head at lunch (and dinner is outrageous). But they offer a special on Mondays and Wednesdays for $7.95 if you get there early enough before they run out. Whether I get the special or one of the regularly-priced meals, the waiter still has to take my order, bring my food, clear my plates, keep my drink filled and process my check. Why should he get half the tip he’s used to just because the food was half-price?
Another scenario – the kitchen lost your order, the steak was overcooked, etc. etc. – so the manager comped your meal. Would you seriously not still tip the waitress if it wasn’t her fault? I would absolutely tip based on what the ticket WOULD have been.
So yes, there is a minimum tip not solely based on X% of the bill. I usually try to figure what an average bill would be in this particular establishment and then tip 20% of that number or 20% of our actual bill-whichever is higher. And of course adjusted up or down based on service.
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