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Think you need to spend a fortune to tie the knot? It’s just not so. Kris and I got hitched for a couple grand in 1993. In this guest post from JerichoHill, he explains how he kept costs down for his wedding last summer.
Weddings are expensive affairs. Couples often spend tens of thousands of dollars for an event that lasts only a day or two. I know, I know — the memories last a lifetime. But that’s the catch-phrase of the industry that’s sprung up around this occasion. In economics, this is called conspicuous consumption.
Ramit at I Will Teach You to Be Rich recently wrote an article about the cost of weddings. On average, a wedding costs $28,000. That’s more than half what the typical American household earns in an entire year!
I was married two months ago. Spending a lot on our wedding was not an appealing option, especially since we’re building a home addition at the same time. We managed to spend less than $10,000 on our wedding. You can have all the grandeur of a big wedding on a small budget. Here’s how we did it, and how you can, too.
Photography
With digital cameras, memory sticks, and a laptop computer, the difference between the equipment available to the average Joe and to a professional photographer has greatly diminished. An argument can be made that a professional photographer can capture that special moment better, but they’re also known to take a lot of pictures of the floral arrangement.
We decided that instead of hiring a photographer, we’d ask our friends and family to bring their digital cameras. Two of our friends are amateur photographers and were thrilled with a chance to use more fancy equipment for the wedding photos. One came armed with the latest techno gadgetry; the other came with an old-style camera (and I mean old-style!). Both friends had an absolute blast taking pictures.
For our reception photos, we asked that everyone take pictures of whatever they fancied, as we figured each social group at our wedding would take plenty of pictures of themselves. When guests left, they simply transfered their pictures onto our laptop computer, which was as easy as sliding the memory card into the appropriate slot and copying the files to our specified folder (which we made obvious).
By asking our friends and family to take pictures, we knew we’d get a lot of good variety, and perhaps a few more comical poses. We were able to pick and choose which to put in our own (free) online wedding album. Our friendly photographer posted the wedding album to PicasaWeb, and linked to a photo-making service so that guests could make prints of the photos they wanted. He added the pictures our friends took to the album, as well.
Chapel
Most colleges have a chapel, which is usually quite nice. Often, alumni of the college can use the chapel for their wedding, free of charge. During the planning stages, my fiancee contacted the chapel administrator at her alma mater. She filled out a few forms, and we had a nice place for a wedding for free because she was an alum. It was beautiful, but was even more meaningful because of her history!
Officiant / Organist
We weren’t picky about the type of religious ceremony we were married under. We were happy to be married by a friend of my wife’s family, who was licensed to perform marriage ceremonies. This added a personal touch. Another family friend was a retired organist, so he performed at our wedding. A deeply religious friend was honored to read from the Bible. Everyone did a marvelous job.
Reception
Renting a reception space is ghastly expensive. Why not have it at your home? My wife’s family welcomed the opportunity. Even though the reception was large, we found a way to make their space work.
Not only does having a reception at home save thousands on renting a space, but it can provide impetus for some much-needed home improvement! The money you would have spent on rent instead becomes new paint, a new patio, or dozens of other improvements that stay with your family after the big day has passed. For our reception, my in-laws’ house was repainted, the patio was re-laid, and the surrounding yard trimmed, pruned, and looked wonderful.
For music at the reception, we had an iPod loaded with tunes. We set that up to run into a speaker set, which an A/V friend of ours hooked up. When we had to interrupt DJ iPod for toasts, cake cutting, or our first dance, we used a switchboard from the local electronics store (very cheap). Otherwise, we hit the party shuffle, and off we went! Thanks, DJ iPod!
Rehearsal Dinner
We used a small restaurant and kept the rehearsal dinner invitations to main family members, the wedding party, and wedding officials. We met everyone else who came in that night at a local watering hole afterwards. I’ve been to some rehearsal dinners that were 60-100 person affairs. I can’t imagine how expensive they must have been!
For alcohol, we compared the restaurant’s wine prices with its corking fee. We found out that it was cheaper to pay the corking fee and just bring our own wine. After the rehearsal dinner, we had a night-time hangout spot lined up (a local bar/pool hall) where we could hang out with the younger crowd (that we couldn’t invite to the rehearsal).
Food
Catering is also expensive. We couldn’t believe how much it would cost for a large reception. Instead, my mother-in-law got creative with some foodstuffs from our local Costco. She enlisted the help of a women’s social club she belongs to — they had a good time getting creative on recipes. Folks marveled at the shrimp the ladies prepared — shrimp that was bought in bulk from Costco.
Clothes
I dressed my groomsman in black suits, since the occasion to wear a tux is normally few and far between. Since they had (or bought) the suit, I bought them matching ties and kerchiefs as their wedding party gifts. My wife was able to use her sister’s wedding dress, and I used an old family tuxedo. (Both fit us very well.)
Conclusion
These are just some of the many ways we reduced the costs associated with our wedding.
Our frugality led to creativity. We added a number of personal touches to the event, and our friends and family were able to help shape and sculpt our wedding day. Wedding memories aren’t made from expensive cakes, but from the oddest of quirks. (We’ll remember most our officiant’s wife telling him to speak up as we started our ceremony.)
Utilize your connections. Reach out and draw upon the community that you grew up in, and you might be surprised. With a good social network and some creative thinking, weddings do not need to be expensive affairs. (Unless you want them to be!)
November 8th, 2007 at 4:25 am
Great post… My wife and I were in a similar situation and managed to do our whole wedding for $8,000 including the honeymoon. We held the wedding and reception together at a local golf club with about 55 people. My wife used a second hand dress (only worn once
) and the catering was much less expensive because of the fact that it was held in the existing resteraunt portion of the golf club. For our rehersal dinner, we limited to the (small) wedding part and parents and held it at a local pizza shop. For the honeymoon we used my parent’s timeshare. The bottom line is that everyone had a good time and we saved a ton of money. We could have done it for much less if we had wanted to trim the reception.
November 8th, 2007 at 5:12 am
I love the idea of having guests downlaod pictures before they leave. It beats the disposable camera’s on the table idea.
I’ve only been married 7 years but it seems like there are so many more money saving options available today.
November 8th, 2007 at 5:37 am
So the lesson is: marry a woman who is well connected
November 8th, 2007 at 5:41 am
It is possible to do a wedding for next to nothing, but only if you and your intended are on the same page regarding cost. The key is to be tasteful, not cheap, and I think the post above is a good example.
When my wife and I planned our wedding, we talked to our grandparents for ideas to save money and to get ourselves into the right attitude. I found asking family members or friends who married during the Depression/WWII era to describe their weddings was very enlightening. As you can imagine, weddings were kept very simple and low-cost then due to the lack of jobs and the war effort. My grandparents, for instance, were married in clothes they actually wore regularly (my grandma’s best dress and my grandfather’s best suit) and held the reception at home, only inviting twenty to thirty people for cocktails and cake. They already lived in Niagara Falls so they didn’t need to travel for their honeymoon. =)
My wife and I did many of the same thing as the poster and his wife. If you can somehow eliminate the cost of renting a full-size hall for the ceremony and reception, keep the guest list to a manageable amount, and keep things tasteful yet cheap, then you’ll avoid the inevitable heart attack when you view the bills from that special day!
November 8th, 2007 at 5:41 am
Nicole,
Rather, utilize all the connections you both have.
November 8th, 2007 at 5:43 am
It’s crazy to think that people used to get married for $100.00, nothing fancy, not even a tux in most cases. Just a nice service and a reception in the church basement, now that’s my kind of wedding!
November 8th, 2007 at 5:43 am
My wife and I went to the courthouse and got married. $35 for the marriage certificate and the taxpayers of Carbon County, PA covered the judge.
Probably not for everyone, but we liked it.
November 8th, 2007 at 5:48 am
A quick tip would be to get married in December near Christmas. All the churches are decked out for Christmas and you don’t have to spend as much or any money decorating. The church my wife grew up in had hundreds of poinsettias all over the church and reception area. We were allowed to move them as long as they got put back. Another good side to getting married at this time of year is that the cruise lines run discounts the weeks before Christmas. This cut about 500 dollars per person off of our honeymoon cruise.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:00 am
I understand the desire to be frugal, but there are certain times and milestones in your life where spending a little bit more is worth it. You (hypothetically) are going to only get married once, and in the scheme of things, a few thousand dollars is peanuts over the course of a lifetime.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:03 am
My husband and I decided to keep costs down for our wedding in ‘06, considering that it was his third and my second. So, after getting our license (which was relatively cheap, but amusingly done in the same room as firearm licenses and probate filings), we got married in an Irish pub on St. Patrick’s Day. The pub management was kind enough to waive the cover charge for all our friends, and we had 500+ witnesses to our wedding (most of whom we didn’t know). This route is not for everyone, but we had a blast.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:11 am
Question: Did you pay for the house repairs and the food at Costco? That wasn’t clear to me.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:15 am
We did our wedding for $5000 (not counting photographer which was a gift from my inlaws). My dress was $150. It was gorgeous, but very simple. My veil was another $100. I have simple tastes. Our theme was “simple but elegant”. I designed everything, made the treats and centerpieces, etc. It was beautiful and we never felt like we were on a budget. It can be done. I think our wedding was prettier than another family wedding where the bride’s dress cost what my whole wedding and reception was.
My family had said, we’ll pay for your wedding, but we saved $5000 for you. Anything over that, you pay. Amazing what a budget and some creativity can do!
November 8th, 2007 at 6:21 am
Great post! Another thing to think about is saving money for your guests. When my wife and I got married, we visiting several nearby hotels nearby and played them off one another for the right to be included in our save the date note. Didn’t save us money directly, but we felt better being that many people had the expense of flying. Then again, it may have increased the size of our gifts!
November 8th, 2007 at 6:33 am
You have to be careful with DJ ipod. Make sure your playlist is music that is good for dancing/partying, not necessarily songs you like. When everybody is on the dancefloor, having a good time, you don’t want a 17 minute classic rock jam to come on.
A good wedding DJ will read the crowd to make sure everyone’s having a good time.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:38 am
I have been hoping that JD would post something about weddings! I am getting married in 2 weeks and both agree and disagree with this post. A lot of JerichoHill’s deals were lucky. We have to have a huge wedding because I have over 100 relatives (aunts, uncles and first cousins) who would be extremely offended if they weren’t invited. That rules out having the wedding in someone’s home. We are having an IPod DJ, although because we are having our reception at a restaurant we had to rent speakers and also get liability insurance, which added up.
I don’t agree with having amateur’s take your photos. If you are lucky enough to have friends who are semi-pro photographers, that’s nice, but otherwise I think you get a lot of unusable pictures.
Keeping your wedding inexpensive also depends on where you live. We live in Chicago, where everything is expensive. We opted to have our wedding in the far suburbs (about 45 miles outside the city, where my future in-laws live) and saved at least $10,000.
All in all it is possible to have an inexpensive wedding, but depending on where you live the definition of “inexpensive” varies. Our wedding is costing approximately $22,000 including our honeymoon, although we are only paying $6,000, which is very cheap for 200 guests in the Chicago area.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:47 am
Um, your college only has a chapel if it’s private (at least I hope so). That’s not really “most” colleges.
Great post otherwise, though. But, not everyone has a house big enough for a reception…
November 8th, 2007 at 6:48 am
I’d want a 17 minute classic rock jam to come on.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:12 am
Here’s a tip: Ignore the wedding industry.
I vowed not to give them a dime, and wound up with a fabulous 40’s themed wedding that could have been on the E channel for 300 folks and it was under $2500. ($1000 for the war plane museum we rented, $800 for a full course sit-down BBQ dinner.)
November 8th, 2007 at 7:15 am
I have read that the “average cost of a wedding” figure includes travel and lodging costs for guests.
My wedding cost me, my husband and our parents about $5,000. But more than 30 of our guests traveled across the continent and stayed in hotels, which could easily have driven the official figure for event up by another $15,000.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:16 am
Here’s what we did for the wedding:
* We were married by a judge at the county courthouse. This cost us $50. That was all there was to the “ceremony”.
* We organized the reception ourselves. Some close friends helped us with the grunt work.
* We obtained free use of a cafe at the university we had attended. We were able to do this because Kris had managed the place two years earlier, and because we both had good ties at the school.
* Again using those connections, Kris was able to purchase cakes (not a wedding cake, but actually delicious deluxe cakes) at wholesale rates.
* We prepared the other food with our friends.
* We used disposable cameras, which were new at the time.
* We basically created a mid-summer picnic atmosphere.
We had a lot of fun, and think our guests did too. We received a lot of compliments on the low-key affair. Obviously this sort of thing wouldn’t work for everyone. We were fortunate to be like-minded regarding weddings: a big church wedding didn’t fit our value system.
Our honeymoon was similarly cheap. We drove from Portland to Victoria, B.C., where we stayed for a week in a budget motel. Yes, we could have stayed in that deluxe place on the waterfront, but we would rather spend our money having nice dinners and going places and doing things.
We paid for all of this ourselves, which is something we’re still quite proud of.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:23 am
I’m going to agree and disagree with this post. I think its great to keep costs down and agree that if you can ignore the wedding industry you can save tons of bucks. On the other hand, I just got married last year (both age 35 it was the first and last wedding for both of us) and I figured (1) I waited a long time to get married I was going to have exactly what I wanted and (2) my husband and I were ‘adults’ and getting married in our back yard just wasn’t going to do it for us (but of course we could have gone that route - it just wasn’t for us). All in all we paid a good amount for the event focusing on and spending money on the things that were important to us: live bad, fabulous location, good food and a lot of alcohol. We spent more than we should of, but it was worth every penny to me, we still talk about our wedding a year later.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:33 am
A lot of this is good - BUT…
The pictures - If you want nice pictures, the family way is not the way to go. Yes, technically there will be pictures of your wedding - but if pictures are AT ALL important to you (to some people they aren’t) like even 8 on your top 10 list of things, then you aren’t going to get what you want in the end and you can’t just get a ‘do over’ on that. Remember, if you have any sort of drinking you may have nice pics of the wedding, but everyone puts down their camera to eat and drink. And we all know that drinking leads to, lets just say, ‘creative’ photography.
The food - we didn’t go with a fancy dinner, we got one of the cheapest packages the hotel had to offer. BUT a lot of time the food is what seperates your wedding from just another BBQ. If you have a nice house to have it at - great! But maybe use some of that money you saved to get great steaks instead of sloppy joes.
Location - if you have a great free place, awesome for you! But remember whether its your house or someone elses - all the work that has to go in to prep and a LOT of clean up. And I know the last thing I wanted to do after my wedding is go home and clean up after a giant party. And if it’s outside (most home weddings are) if it rains, consider where you are going to cram everyone in the living room next to the big ugly entertainment center.
And finally - the music. Yes, an Ipod can work. But don’t count on perfect timing for a first dance or anything like that. Or a random song that forgot to get deleted before the wedding. We hired a steel drum band and it only cost about $400 - much cooler than a DJ and everyone loved it.
You need to really sit down and decide what you will be sad about if you don’t have at your wedding. If you really want great pictures of your friends and family on the beach at fun reception, then by all means get a good photographer! But if you’ve never dreamed of a fancy dress, then go for something cheap!
We found that a compromise on what we truly thought we needed and what we could skip - made for a beautiful, resonably priced, day we were proud of.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:08 am
Kim - “simple elegance” was our theme too! I was tempted to fall under the spell of “this is a once in a lifetime thing, spend the money, blah blah blah” but we didn’t think it was necessary! We could have forked out money to have everyone we ever met show up, but instead invited only closest friends and immediate family; including the wedding party, there were just under 50 people present. We got married in my MIL’s humongous, 2-story sized sunroom; she also paid for the catering of tex-mex for the rehearsal dinner and wedding dinner. I spent $400 on flowers; MIL went to the flower district the morning of the wedding and filled the house with stargazer lilies and other arrangements. Dress and veil was from David’s Bridal, and a gift from my parents. They also paid for the videography ($800). Oh yeah, and we used an iPod for the ceremony/post-ceremony music as well. We only had one ‘mess up’ with cuing the music for the recession after the ceremony, but who cares. It made a memory! Photography was done as a gift from a friend, and we just paid for the prints we wanted. Honeymoon was a week in Vegas. I think in total, maybe $6-7k was spent. I had someone tell me that they liked our wedding more than their daughter’s $20k wedding. THAT has to tell you something!
November 8th, 2007 at 8:09 am
“A quick tip would be to get married in December near Christmas.”
I would have to disagree on this one. The points made in this comment were good - but if you are planning on renting any equipment or space the cost during the holidays usually triples. I used to be an event planner for a company and due to the huge amount of corporate holiday parties and charity fundraisers - space and equipment are at a premium. Even other vendors - like DJ’s and photographers increase their rates and are usually booked months, and months in advance.
Plus - how many friends/family members will already have plans for that time of the year? My guess is that Christmas/Thanksgiving with their families will be higher on their list than your wedding.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:11 am
We eloped to Hawaii in 1991. The week in HI plus the wedding in a park over looking a waterfall cost about $5000 total.
We’ve never regretted it.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:15 am
We had our wedding in St. Thomas, USVI and the total cost (wedding on the beach, harpist, JOP, champagne on the beach, cake, flowers, reception at hotel with steak and open bar) was about $7k US (we’re Canadian) for about 20 people — not including our week there, which was about another 4k (so wedding + honeymoon).
Still, we ended up doing things on the expensive side and had many guests for that kind of wedding. A basic wedding package and a cheap week at one of the best hotels on the island would have been about 4k total for my husband and I.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:21 am
I’m confused:
Photography - FREE
Ceremony Location - FREE
Officiant - presumably cheap
Reception Location - FREE
DJ - FREE
Clothes - FREE (with some frugal gifts)
And you still managed to spend $10,000? On food? (There are probably some flowers/decorations that you don’t mention, but still..)
I understand the mentality that this is a once in a lifetime event, and so it is worth spending extra on to make it memorable. However, it will be just as memorable without spending lots of money. And ten grand is a lot of money.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:23 am
As a pro wedding photographer, I have spoken to many regretful people who had an amateur or low-budget photographer shoot their wedding. The mistake they made that led to disappointment was expecting professional results.
An amateur will not deliver the type of results you see in bridal magazines or on the pro’s web sites. Uncle Harry’s landscape photos may look great, but he’s never done a wedding, and he doesn’t know how to shoot like that. There is no substitute for hands-on wedding and portrait experience.
As long as you have REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, and frankly they are pretty low, then hiring a amateur or low-budget photographer will work for you. But, you can’t go back and re-shoot your wedding after you receive embarrassingly poor wedding photos.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:25 am
My husband and I got married two years ago and honeymooned in Hawaii all for under $5000. We both are on the same page and value living within our means. Well, at the time our “means” were pretty meager. My family donated the 5K to the effort and his Dad gave us an awesome voucher for our trip to Hawaii which gave us the flights for free with a minimum stay of 7 nights at a nice hotel, which we paid for. THAT was fabulous.
We had the ceremony and reception in our backyard – we rent a basement apartment and the landlord who lives upstairs is a minister so she married us. We did order a big tent in case of rain (there wasn’t any!) but it was great for having shade in July. Instead of pure white, we went with the yellow one they offered at a discount – it went with our décor of sunflowers anyway.
We kept the guest list down and only invited people who we really wanted to be there. Neither of us believe in the “obligation” thing and had no intention of having anyone there that wasn’t over the moon happy for us. That goes along with how we live our lives so it worked out fine. People who weren’t that close to us but may have been offended either got over it or faded away, which is the natural progression.
We did all the decorations and food ourselves, relying on good old Costco for a lot of the staples. My mother in law did a lot of that stuff. We also had a family friend make our amazing cake, which was a gift from my mother in law. Our friends took fabulous pictures and gave them to us on CD. I have many lovely ones and am very happy with how they turned out.
I must give credit where it’s due – my husband is a genius when it comes to planning, decorating, and organizing. I joke all the time that all I did was show up, which isn’t that far from the truth! I also should say this all was planned in under 6 weeks and I got my lovely tea-length dream dress only 3 weeks before the big day. And it was perfect.
I truly believe that the beauty of our wedding was in being together with our loved ones while we exchanged vows. Everything else was window-dressing. Yes, we had a lot of luck but luck is what you make of it – finding and using resources unique to each of us to make life what we want it to be. THAT doesn’t cost anything. And what a wonderful gift we gave each other – starting our life together without getting into debt to do so!
November 8th, 2007 at 8:29 am
I’m getting married next year. A lot of the advice is good, and I’ve been reading frugal wedding books as well. However I think it depends on the couple and their families, and what their families’ cultures and traditions are.
We’re having 150 people at our wedding, and that is after we’ve axed a lot of people from the list and removed kids. So I guess I do save a lot of money by eliminating the others, but not nearly enough to keep it under 50 guests, as other posters’ weddings were.
I think the key is to prioritize what’s important to the couple. For instance, photography was a biggie for us, so we allocated more money to photography than other categories.
Unfortunately I don’t know anyone who has a large enough home that would be willing to open their space to us. So we had to go to the banquet route. However, we did get a good deal by not having it on a Saturday night- we saved $3-5000 just by having it on another night!
I also am a bit on crafty side, so am doing my own invitations, favors, etc. So that will help me save.
As far as my dress, I have a specific look in mind, so I don’t think I can do the whole “simple dress” deal, esp since we are getting married in a very ornate and old church. But I am considering ordering a dress online after I tried them on at stores.
It’s also a great idea to utilize the folks around you and use their talents. Weddings back in the day were organized by the whole family, not outside vendors or wedding planners. So if you have a relative who DJs, a friend who does makeup and hair, another person who does photography, ask them to use their talents at your wedding; it’ll be the best gift they can give!
On a final note, to those who haven’t gotten married yet and think that they’ll need to spend money on it, my biggest advice to you is to start saving now for your wedding. Even if you CAN keep it under $5K, it’s still money you’re going to spend that’s out of the ordinary. This also goes to people who are single, or who are in relationships but haven’t discussed marriage yet with their partners. Save now–the worst that can happen is that you find yourself at 90 years old single and with a wedding budget. Well shoot, now you can use it for something else! Point is, if you think you even have a slight inkling to get married in your lifetime, just save for it now, b/c it’ll really help you when it comes down to it (instead of saving up for it in a span of a year or two during your engagement).
November 8th, 2007 at 8:30 am
@public college student: A lot of older universities have chapels on campus. It doesn’t have to be a private institution, nor does a chapel mean that the college is a religious one. Virgina Tech has a chapel in the center of campus, William & Mary has a very prominent chapel that’s one of the oldest buildings on the campus (and in the US for that matter)… to name a few public universities.
—
I definitely agree that a really good photographer can make some amazing pictures, even if they are expensive. Shop around, find someone who fits your style, and then expect to pay a lot of money for some really great pics.
I do really like the automated uploading at the end of the night though, wish I had thought of that. Definitely easier than handing out disposable cameras, and how many people actually send the pictures they took back to one place.
I think combining the two (pro and amateur) would be a good idea.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:39 am
i got married last june. we spent $7000. the key is calling in every favor you have coming to you, prioritizing what you want, and being creative.
we saved money in a lot of areas, which we were then able to put toward the parts of the wedding that were really important to us: food, drinks, and photography.
we live in a live/work loft with a gallery in it, so we chose to have our ceremony there, which was free. my husband is a designer and had been on the design team for our reception venue, so we got that space for free. then we just had to pay for food, drinks and decor. i chose a fun white cocktail dress instead of a big expensive ‘wedding’ dress. now i can wear it again if i want!
we also chose to get married on a sunday afternoon, which meant we didn’t have to provide dinner for everyone, just some really good appetizers and yummy cupcakes.
so again, get creative and call in every favor you can think of!
November 8th, 2007 at 8:41 am
I think one of the biggest things to take away from this post, and applicable in other contexts also, is to USE YOUR CONNECTIONS. Social networking used to be the way almost everything got done. If you needed something done to your house, you didn’t go and hire some random person out of a phonebook. You knew someone, or knew someone who knew someone. And that person is a lot more willing to negotiate and do their best job, since there’s a traceable social connection between you. The power of this is underestimated and underutilized in today’s world.
I also love old cameras. My favorite camera I’ve ever used by far was my dad’s, that he bought in middle school and had refurbished.
Finally, @16:
Not really. Campuses will often have a chapel, even if they are public schools. Especially if they are older campuses, or were once private schools. They probably won’t CALL it a chapel, but it’s there. For instance, UF (my alma mater) has a beautiful chapel:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baughman_Center
UF also has an auditorium that I could see being used for a wedding. It has a nice warm feel to it, more like a performance hall than an auditorium. (And, in fact, there have been several musical performances there.) Not like the auditoriums they do now with whitewashed walls and uncomfortable seats.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:45 am
I just got married 6 weeks ago. I decided spending money on a reception hall I was going to be in for only four hours would be better spent on my own house. Now I’m married, I have a completely relandscaped backyard, my house is painted and cleaner than its been in seven years! LOL… I picked out my tablecloth color WAY in advance. I picked the new color of my house months later - imagine my surprise when the two colors matched perfectly! I have great pictures (taken by family/friends) that show a brilliant green backyard, gorgeous yellow tables that match my house and my honey and I absolutely glowing. We worked hard and we both thought the entire thing was perfect. That’s where you want to end up - perfectly happy.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:50 am
It’s funny, even though the author of this post linked to Ramit’s wedding article, he still did exactly what Ramit said in the post, and in the comments, not to do. That if you use your family and friends to do all the work you’re not willing to pay for, it’s going to be a bummer for them, and it’s not worth your imagined “savings” or what not.
My cousin had her reception at my parents’ house this summer. My mom and sisters and brothers and I worked our GUTS OUT getting that reception ready. My aunts cooked all the food for three days. I played the harp for free, my sister took the photos.
What happened the day of the wedding? We were running around stressed out it and didn’t really get to enjoy anything. The bride and groom were oblivious to this.
I definitely think having a space where everyone can enjoy your wedding and not have to put in a new deck or repaint walls or whatever the author of this post said, is just common sense for people being able to have a good time at your wedding.
As a professional harpist, I’ve seen a TON of weddings in my day, just my two cents. I’ve seen the crappiest and the most beautiful, and money you spend does not correlate. I will say this though: the wedding industry exists for a reason,- people are willing to pay for the extras, and sometimes its nice to have something extra special, like a harpist at the reception instead of an ipod, instead of making your family step up and do all the work.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:57 am
We also had an elegant but low-key and low-cost wedding and reception (almost 14 years ago!). We decided to get married 6 weeks after we got engaged, because I didn’t want to have to plan a wedding for a year.
I was a girl who knew what she wanted for the marriage and honeymoon, but who had never thought about the wedding. I just wanted to get it over with without being tacky or ticking off anyone, and I didn’t want to be in debt afterwards.
I have to recommend the book that helped me save my sanity: Bridal Bargains by Denise and Alan Fields of Windsor Peak Press (http://www.windsorpeak.com/bridalbargains). Weddings are one of those areas where fantasies and ignorance of the industry can kill you financially, and the book covers all areas of a wedding, reception, and honeymoon. It then discusses the price points of various choices and the angles played by the various vendors in the wedding industry, with ideas on how to find bargains and avoid overpaying.
(I have also loved and used their other books. I’m a big fan. I WISH I was associated with them, but I’m not).
November 8th, 2007 at 9:10 am
If you feel comfortable asking people to take off a day from work, you can get great rates on midweek weddings.
I had a very, very small wedding, immediate family only. Since it was such an intimate group, I was able to get everyone to take a weekday off from work. Our $800 reception (with prime rib and champagne) would have cost $1500 on a weekend.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:17 am
We had a cheap wedding mainly because we only invited our small families (20 guests). The next day we had a bbq at our house for friends (and family). Total cost was probably around $4000.
I hate push posts like this but my co-blogger wrote a post exactly appropriate for this discussion where he discusses his dream wedding which is extremely cheap:
http://cheapcanuck.wordpress.com/2007/09/07/dream-wedding/
November 8th, 2007 at 9:24 am
My sister and her husband got married three years ago for about $12,000 in the DC Suburbs. They are quite handy and did the invitations, food, flowers, and decorations themselves - and it was terrible. The months before the event were “wedding bootcamp” - grueling hours of hors d’oeuvre prep, tassel tying, bouquet making, etc. for the whole family. She’s not good with details, and many things ended up waiting until the very last minute - or getting cut from what she wanted.
On that special day, they spent the whole time running around and organizing things, and 10 minutes before the ceremony my sister was hanging decorations in the reception area and trying to stop the cake from falling apart rather than fixing her hair (which didn’t happen - she went down the aisle with her everyday hairstyle after months of research). She relied on friends to show up and help, and many of them showed up late or were preoccupied with their own children.
The next day, she asked if she could have another wedding that was done right. I hope it was a joke, but I’m still not sure.
There are corners to cut, but really think how you want to spend this day!! In the end, my sister wasted a lot of money on decorations that never got hung, food that didn’t get served (the hired waiters bailed early without telling anyone because their wage was so low), and alcohol that nobody drank. There was a DJ, but she got a cheap one who didn’t play the songs she had asked for. There was a photographer, but he did a terrible (missing heads!) job, and her amateur friends weren’t much better (and took 7 months to send the digital photos over, unretouched).
I don’t know what caused her lapses of judgment, but I learned a lot from it. My realistic big-city wedding budget for my event next fall is about $18,000, not including much transportation or the honeymoon. We’re renting a location, buying the expensive clothes that we want, hiring a caterer, a photographer, and a real DJ. We’ll make the invitations ourselves because we want to, and the same goes for many of the other elements (flowers etc.), but more importantly we’ll spend the next few months in love and looking forward to our future, not cramming in tasks and creating more stress in our already busy lives.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:25 am
I’m in my late 20’s. Sometimes I wonder how people in their early 20’s or even late teens (for some girls) get married and survive financially so early on in life.
I had student debt up the wazzoo with no savings to speak off during that time. Getting married and having to incur such huge marriage expenditures would have been financially crippling.
Those times are also when the effects of compound interest are most critical - the earlier the better when it comes to saving and investing.
-Raymond
November 8th, 2007 at 9:26 am
My best friend found an excellent way to trim the guest list of her wedding with a minimum of offense to relatives and friends — she was married on December 23rd. (She and her fiance got a sudden deal on a wedding venue that she simply couldn’t pass up.) As a result, she ensured that the guest list would trim itself to those who were willing/able to make the effort to be there. There were a few grumbles, but they mostly came from people who wouldn’t have been very good wedding guests in the first place.
The result was a small, fun, intimate wedding that was the best wedding I’ve ever been to.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:39 am
When my sister was getting married, she had all sorts of big plans - reception at the country club, big rehearsal dinner, etc. My parents were paying for the wedding and finally put their foot down. They told my sister that they would pay a certain amount, and any cost over that would be on her. Strangely enough, the plans got scaled back so that everything came in on budget. I’m not advocating dropping $20k on the event, or suggesting you should get by on $500. It seems to me that the trick is to decide just how much you want and can afford to spend, then adjust your plans accordingly.
I can tell you that my wedding was almost 30 years ago and I don’t really recall what exactly her dress looked like or what kind of flower arrangements we had. I seldom look at the photos from the wedding. I remember the excitement and happiness of being married, and I still feel that today - hard to put a price on that. FWIW, I’ve been kidding for years that we should have just gone to Vegas and gotten married by Elvis - she surprised me this year by suggesting that maybe we should do just that to renew our vows for our 30th.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:01 am
I just got married in August. I had wanted a Christmas wedding, too, for the same reasons others have noted (the church already is decorated, mostly). However, I had a friend last year get married the first week of January, and I have to second the suggestion NOT to get married around the holidays out of consideration for everyone’s vacation schedule. I hated taking so much time off work all at once.
A few other thoughts:
1. One of the most important things you can do is dismiss the wedding industry entirely. Also, this is not a contest - give up competing with your neighbor’s overblown bash. More money does not = more meaningful.
I tried on a few dresses at an upscale boutique (in the $1-10,000 range) and had to laugh when the salesperson said, “this dress, this says ‘forever.’” No, the fate of my marriage does not hang on which wedding dress I buy, thank you.
2. We designed our own invitations and had them printed at our alma mater’s print shop. We did the programs the same way, printing them at the community college’s print shop in my hometown. We paid less than $50 total for both.
3. Try Target.com for bridesmaid dresses. It’s a little scary ordering online for things, but I believe you can take it back to the store. Don’t think you need to buy “official” bridesmaid dresses; any nice outfit will do.
4. In the South, it’s not unusual not to serve a full meal after a wedding. Fancy hor’dourves are good, too. We didn’t go this route (my in-laws paid for the catering at the reception), but we did cut costs by having the reception in the church fellowship hall and going buffet-style.
5. We had the wedding in the morning. The ceremony started at 11am, the luncheon reception immediately followed, and it was all over by 3pm (at least from my perspective :)). No dancing no alcohol = lots of savings.
Remember when planning a wedding: You marrying a wonderful person whom you love surrounded by friends and family who love you. There are only so many things about that day that can go wrong.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:05 am
@ Velvet Jones
–Some of the repair items we did get done at Costco (or rather, through their contractors) along with food.
@ Michael Rubin
–I forget to mention that, but yes, we did play the hotels against each other. That was quite fun.
@ Icup
–DJ Ipod worked just fine, since anyone could come up and put on another song. In effect, our guests were our DJs.
–The average cost of a wedding figure I cited I don’t think included guests. Most of our guests didn’t come from more than 1 state away, and we specifically planned the wedding so that guests would not feel obligated to stay over friday night.
@ Sam
–I won’t disagree with folks who want a big wedding. Its good to recognize what your wants are. However, if you’re really not going to want a big wedding, I wanted to help out with some tips. That, and I think we got pretty frugal with the doing a wedding and our addition at the same time. That’s alot of checks!
@ Rachel
–Our two amatuer photographer friends took wonderful pictures. I believe this was a function of who they were, but we knew that going in. And thankfully, no one got drunk enought to take creative pictures. We didn’t buy enough hard booze for that!
@ Joe
–The 10,000 figure can be broken down into
1) Rehearsal Dinner = 1,000 (paid by my parents)
2) Painting and Updating Home = 2,000
3) Reception Food = 2,000
4) Gifts for wedding party / officiant = 500
5) Misc = 5,000
So we really should have changed it to 6,000
@ Amelia
–She has great comments. We also had a tent in case of rain.
@typome
–We had 100 guests at the chapel and about 150 at the reception
@bob
–The wedding was at W&M’s chapel
@Nicole II
–I can assure the wedding wasn’t a bummer for all involved. Our friends and family lept at the chance to help out, and we had to turn folks away from helping simply because so many people wanted a role. That to me is what friends and family are for. I’d do the same for them.
–In my opinion the wedding industry operates just like the diamond industry. They create demand through marketing. Weddings are, at their simplest, two families joining. There’s no reason to break the bank when its the memories of the little things (like our officiant’s wife yelling at him to speak up) that you’ll remember. Both Julie and I were not in a state of panic before or during or after the wedding. Patching up a sidewalk and a patio wasn’t that busting of a job, and I got to spend time with my father-in-law. Probably some families dont want to go through the work we did to save some money. So in that respect, you can’t fit the square peg in the round hole, so you gotta work with what you have.
Connections, I think Justin nailed it
November 8th, 2007 at 10:07 am
@Bethany
–Your comment on bridesmaid dresses is excellent. I think Julie picked up her bridesmaid dresses off the clearance rack at Macy’s. They were lovely dresses and looked way more expensive than what they cost. Plus, Julie made sure to pick something that her bridesmaids would look good in! (I hear that doesnt happen much)
November 8th, 2007 at 10:17 am
I see some people are concerned about not having the dream day for a good price. Or that our cheaper weddings must have been small.
I already said my wedding was $5000 (although admitted that the professional photographer was an inlaw gift, so not counted).
We had our wedding at a beautiful and elaborate chapel. There were almost 150 people there. It was on Jan. 6 (Twelfth Night, Epiphany) so the last day that Xmas decorations are in the church, so place was decorated already, saving us some).
Our reception was at a restaurant, in their banquet room. It was on the bay, overlooking the water and boats (made some beautiful sunset photos for the wedding album).
We rented 1950s fancy cars (one was in the Queen’s corononation in England) to take us from the wedding to the reception.
We had a DJ. We had a nice cake and flowers. I decorated the banquet hall. I made the bows for the flowers. I made the centerpieces (gold spray painted pots with ivy and ribbons planted in them).
It was lovely. And fit the budget.
You can do it. Don’t let the wedding industry convince you otherwise.
I saved money where I could. My dress was gorgeous, but I have simple tastes, which made it easy to save there. No one ever has said anything but lovely comments on my dress and veil. My bridesmaids wore simple long green dresses from a major department store. They were about $90, which is pretty good for this sort of thing. I didn’t look at wedding stores for their stuff, as most of that is too frilly for me, and rather expensive for what it is.
Be creative, folks. Establish your priorities and do some research, and don’t give up. It can be done!
November 8th, 2007 at 10:25 am
With all due respect for all the comments, and an equal disgust with the wedding industry, the one thing I wouldn’t skimp on it the officiant. Your ceremony is the reason for the entire day; to have some dry old judge open a book, read the same dull words and insert your names is sorrowful. It is your gift to your guests to provide an inspiring, moving, funny, and beautiful ceremony, and it’s something you’ll remember -they are also words, ideally, that will tide you through the inevitable rough times in any marriage relationship.
You will find creative, caring officiants through http://www.celebrantfoundation.com. We work all over the country and we create ceremonies that reflect you and your partnership. It’s not just about “making it legal” or “getting it over with” so everyone can party. A true professional, trained to handle that most vital part of the day, will make all the difference in the world.
Celia
November 8th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Joe, why would you think an officiant would be cheap or free? Why would you want someone underpaid to be in charge of the most important part of the day?
November 8th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Oh - one last thing from a former event planner!
YOU CAN NEGOTIATE!!!
Don’t let those vendors fool you! Wedding planners may cost money - but they know this secret. You know that you want your room on a day that they aren’t busy and they want you to pay $600 for it. Tell them the hotel next door has a room for $400. I would bet you the difference that the price will suddenly drop to at the very least $450. Also READ YOUR CONTRACT - some hotels are real jerks and charge you for stuff like electricity!! (no joke!) or if you have an event for like 30 people and they tell you that you need 3 bartenders. Just say no and write in what you had in mind - but remember if you don’t negotiate BEFORE you sign the contract you are stuck with what you put your name on. BUT SO ARE THEY! My hotel person wasnt expecting me to know what I was doing, so I crossed out the part about the hotel providing the booze and she signed it without looking for my changes. And when she found her mistake I held her to it - while we did let them provide the kegs, we managed to bring in all our wine ($14 a bottle compared to their $50 bottles) and cut back to one bartender.
You are paying a lot of money for a service that you have control over. You don’t like something, change it! But you can’t be a wuss - they will see that and talk you out of changes. Stand your ground and say that “xxx just isnt in the budget and something has to give” and they will make changes to fit.
I guarantee it!
(I also got my buffet dinner down from $28 a plate to $10 this way just by switching out a few items!)
November 8th, 2007 at 10:41 am
I almost think this post goes against the normal, fantastic frugal advice found here. I think better advice is to figure out your budget, and then put your money into what you value.
I’m an expensive, niche wedding photographer and couldn’t afford myself. My wife and I valued the “community” of our wedding and spent HALF of our budget on a live band. Our guests loved our outdoor ceremony, relaxed atmosphere, and the fantastic live party.
Put your money in what you value! People will see and appreciate what you value, and be excited with you. Don’t just aim for the cheapest wedding as your guest will feel like that….that they are guests at a cheap wedding
November 8th, 2007 at 11:06 am
“Put your money in what you value! People will see and appreciate what you value, and be excited with you. Don’t just aim for the cheapest wedding as your guest will feel like that….that they are guests at a cheap wedding”
I agree. If you try to get the cheapest of everything and thats your only goal - why even have the ceremony in the first place?
November 8th, 2007 at 11:28 am
I got married in August, in the Bay Area. Total expenses were around $10k.
Connections, connections, connections. It is all about working your connections. We had friends do the day-of coordination, the officiating, the photography, the videography, the flowers, the cake (actually, cobbler), and we got the tea & coffee free from my husband’s workplace. Because we knew these people we had realistic expectations about what they would provide and across the board, they exceeded them.
Negotiate! Our ceremony/reception site manager originally told us the rental fee was $1500, but when we arrived to view the place my husband (admittedly, this was semi-accidental) said offhand, “So it’s $1200?” and the guy shrugged and said, “Sure, $1200.” It never hurts to try.
Don’t work with people you don’t trust. I gave five local caterers the same budget and only one came under it in her preliminary quote. I went with her and through lots of discussion about keeping costs down, we managed to keep to that budget. If the other caterers couldn’t meet my budget in purely theoretical terms, I had no doubt they would go even further over my budget later down the road. Food and drinks were by far the biggest part of our budget, and depending on the headcount, this expense can easily get out of control.
Other cost-saving moves on our part: I bought a yellow dress that I will wear again, for a few hundred dollars, and we didn’t have a lot of attendants. Just asked our siblings and one friend to stand up with us, and didn’t ask them to buy any special clothes. We bought the flowers at a farmer’s market the day before the wedding and arranged them ourselves in vases I bought used at a local salvage place. We even made the boutonnières and my bouquet - lots of good DIY information online. I designed our invitations and had them printed online. I spent a lot of time on the indiebride.com forums and ended up buying 1/2 of our glassware from another bride, 1/2 from IKEA, and then re-selling all of it to another bride after our wedding, saving hundreds of dollars on glass rentals. (Although we did have to wash them ourselves - but it was worth it to me.) DJ was an ipod, no live music.
Maybe a lot of our DIY stuff didn’t look professional, but we didn’t care. In the end we were married and our friends & family had a great time. That’s what we valued and we don’t regret a thing about how did it.
November 8th, 2007 at 11:56 am
Thanks again, J.D. & JerichoHill for an excellent post. You are right, JerichoHill: Frugality does lead to creativity and getting your family and friends involved makes it extra special for everyone even before the big day. And J.D., being like minded about the wedding is also key.
If I may, here are a few things from my experiences with weddings (friends & my own) that may help:
Invitations: I designed my own, and so have some of my friends. With all of the great artistic software available nowadays, it is usually easy to pick something up at Staples for $10 - $20 on sale and usually a bulk paper store will have plenty of nice stocks to choose from at reasonable prices. Trust me, it can be done tastefully if you copy a similar look from a professional piece
Cake: Usually, the fancier the decorations, the more expensive. Simple cakes are really classy and you can add your own real flowers around the base of the cake for color, if you like. Or, add some edible gold sprinkles for effect. My husband and I had a three tier / three flavor cake that was DELICIOUS & served 150 for around $200 because we kept the decorations to a mimimum.
Decorations: A friend of mine got married December 1st.
Her wedding was around 4:00, and she had a small sit down dinner for family & close friends at a nice restaurant afterward, followed by a bigger celebration at a bar with more friends later. Because of the holdiays, the restaurant was filled with beautiful pointsettas, candles and lovely ornamentation that she didn’t have to pay a dime for! Another friend had a similar experience with a church around Easter. Bottom Line: It’s not so much about getting married during a holiday as using potentially available resources that are already in place. Also: Check Craigs List or other free resources or post a note at a library or college bookstore about what you need - you may be surprised how much help you get!
Music: JerichoHill, I love your suggestion about the iPod. We used iTunes and it really worked out great. Another thing I thought was nice: the girl mentioned above was part of her college band, and she arranged to have a few members be roving violinists, play the flute and harp during dinner. They all dressed up in tuxes and you would have thought she spent a fortune! It was a romantic touch, and of course, very inexpensive.
Dates: Struggling with matching that special date you want with when everyone can get together? Here’s a thought: Get married on one day and have your party on another. That’s what my husband & I did (May 3rd & June 8th) and for as unusual we thought it was at the time (5 years ago) turns out it is becoming more common (at least that is what a caterer friend tells me). Anyway, we had a very special wedding day and wedding celebration AND because we told the caterer we were having a PARTY we saved almost 30% on the same arrangement that would have been served up for a wedding. In fact, when we were comparing prices, one caterer actually told us that she was going to have to re-quote us when she found out our event was wedding related!
Good luck to anyone making plans. Obviously, it is possible to have a beautiful day at a reasonable cost.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
@Celia
–The officiant was a long-standing family friend. That he was a highly respected retired judge was icing. That his wife had to remind him to speak up during the wedding was priceless!
@Rachel
–I dont want to put on airs that we were trying to be cheap. Rather, we could save money by doing things ourselves and involving our family and friends, who more than wanted to be involved.
@Maria
–I know several friends who got married and then had a party on a different date. Just as folks are now not immediately going on a honeymoon, splitting things up can make for less stress.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
We eloped, so our wedding cost less then $100.
We have great memories and an awesome story.
A friend is getting married this weekend and over the past couple of months I’ve been amazed at the transformation. She was so happy and cheerful, excited to be married and now she is completely stressed out and worried that everything must be perfect - because they are spending so much money on it. She offhandedly said they should have gone to Vegas, it was hard not to agree since it seemed the cost is what is changing her feelings of enjoyment!
November 8th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
I couldn’t disagree more about the photographer. Getting good photos has NEVER been about available equipment, it’s ALWAYS been about having a trained eye and knowing how to use your equipment. An experienced professional can make photos with a disposable camera that are worlds better than what an amateur could with the world’s best gear. Out of everything you pay for, photos are the only thing that you’ll have with you for the rest of you life.
I’d splurge on photography if you’re gonna splurge on anything. Having an amateur do your photos is going to get you amateur results.
November 8th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
I never understood the expensive wedding - ours in 2003 cost about $4k for around 100 guests - the majority of which was the reception, because that’s what we really wanted was a big party to celebrate with our friends.
- Rehearsal Dinner: $250 - beer and pizza for family and out of town friends. We didn’t have any attendants, special music, readings, or all that stuff - so we actually didn’t even have a rehearsal.
- Officiant: FREE my husband’s dad is a preacher, but I haven’t been to a paid officiant wedding in years. Everyone I know has a close friend they want to be involved in the ceremony go to The Universal Life Church website, get registered and perform the ceremony, Much better than a hired stranger.
- Flowers: $100. Spending thousands on flowers is just the most ridiculous expense ever. I ordered some fresh stems online, had them delivered a few days in advance, and the day before my new mother-in-law and I made boutineres and bouquets - simply gorgeous.
- Photography: $200 - a friend volunteered as our wedding present. Not a professional photog - but I’d seen her pics and they were good. She acted as the dedicated photographer - so we still got all the posed shots we wanted. She gave us the film and we developed into the number and sizes of prints we wanted. So that was the only cost.
- Dress: $175 - Brides for BreastCancer do a huge sales in cities all across the country every year in Jan and Feb. People donate their dresses, stores donate last years designs, runway samples, etc. and the prices are great. My dress was new - still had the original tag on it - $1100. I paid $175. And I donated it back 2 years later.
- Tux: $250 - my husband is Scottish and he had a custom kilt made. So he can wear it again for special occasions. Or Halloween.
- Cake: $200 - from a local bakery, simple but elegant smaller cake for the ‘cutting’ then a sheet cake on the side for most of the pieces. Much less than a huge fancy cake to feed everyone.
- Music: FREE - we made 5 CDs of music we loved AND works for a reception and put it on shuffle in a stereo. Sure, DJ’s can ‘keep a party going’ - they can also be bribed into playing songs you hate. We had a separate CD for walking down the aisle and exiting which a friend simply hit play and stop for.
- The remaining $3,000 went to the reception hall & food & drink: we got married at a brewpub/hotel in our area that is famous for it’s cool old buildings, so no extra decor was needed. The ceremony and reception were in the same room - we moved into a lobby area for a cocktail hour while they reset the room, then we provided a simple buffet meal of meats, cheeses, breads, fruits, etc. - wine and beer from the facilities own brewery and winery.
Oh - and it was Easter weekend so we spent about $50 on Easter baskets and candy for the kids in attendance.
The people working there said we were the most relaxed bridal couple they’d ever seen. ‘Cause we didn’t have to do anything to prep, we weren’t concerned about the budget we’d just spent, and we weren’t freaked out that something wouldn’t be ‘perfect.’ It was our wedding day - of course it was perfect.
November 8th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
My two brothers have both gotten married in the last two years.
One brother’s wife was the only child of a wealthy wall street banker who paid for everything. The other brother had just graduated from college, got about $2000 from my parents but paid for the rest himself - and he and his wife had school loans getting to the end of their 6 month grace period. My younger brother probably spent as much on his entire wedding as my other brother spent on the alcohol at his reception.
The thing was that both brothers invited people they loved and cared about to the wedding, the guests all had great attitudes, and 6 months after the “wedding on the cheap” the memories aren’t all that different… My older brother’s wedding was fancier, but my younger brother was just as happy at the end of the night.
I have heard that a good, cheap photographer is the kid who does sports photography at the college newspaper - they can deal with all sorts of crazy lighting, are able to take good shots quickly, want to build up their portfolio, and aren’t too picky about what they charge. I’d guess the same thing goes for a photography student close to the end of there academic career. Neither of my brothers went that route though, so I don’t have any first hand results.
November 8th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Ken, are you a trained event planner? Have you had any experience in this field? If not, then you’re an amateur. Therefore, according to your own logic, listening to you will yield amateur results. So, I should not listen to you. Find the flaw in the logic yet?
A paid photographer can take crappy pictures just like anyone else can. My parents hired a photographer and videographer for their wedding, and they were not very good. ESPECIALLY the video guy. I likely could do better now, and I am merely a photography enthusiast. (Not even a hobby!)
I think the point being missed here is that Jericho’s friends were amateur in the sense that they did not do photography for a living. That does not mean that they are BAD at it, simply that their careers lie somewhere else. (No one is advocating giving a random guy in the street a camera to photograph your wedding.) Also, they were both HAPPY and ENTHUSIASTIC about what they were doing, which alone can work wonders. I can promise you that any paid professional photographer will be neither of these two things. (I’m remembering now how often I’ve had stone-faced, bored-looking photographers tell me to smile… I just can’t do it.)
November 8th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Some people make this WAY too hard - my husband and I were together 8 months before we got married, and we planned our wedding in 2 weeks (before I got shipped overseas for a year). We only spent a couple hundred on the wedding - we had it in his mother’s church (she’s an Elder in the Presbyterian church), reception in the basement. Used a CD player for music in the wedding and reception. Had only a handful of people (as not all family members could attend, especially on short notice in the Midwest in February!), they brought their own video cameras and photo cameras. I used my mother’s wedding dress and my husband wore a suit. We bought a boquet, a few flowers, a cake, and some food and champagne (and soda) for the reception. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now.
I also had a neighbor growing up who married in under a week at next to nothing because of their connections in the town, but if you don’t have that, keeping it simple is the most effective way. My grandparents and parents, and my husband’s grandparents and parents all went the simple route, though a few in their families also went a more expensive route. All in all, simple was the most well-remembered, and those are also the relationships that have lasted the longest (perhaps because they were on the same page financially more than anything else). Spend the money on your honeymoon, or save it for a vacation once you have the children you’ll eventually have. *grin*
November 8th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
I was once reading a Dummies book about wedding planning, and just reading about all the things you have to do to protect yourself against caterers was stressing me out.
Finally I thought, why would we use caterers we’d never heard of? How about pizza delivery?
And then I started questioning all kinds of assumptions. There really are a billion and one assumptions about how weddings are supposed to be. But it doesn’t have to be a big, choreographed production event. The really sad thing is that a lot of people don’t even like to go to weddings. After all that work!
I actually started asking my friends, after they came back from weddings, what their favorite parts were. Mostly they said visiting people, seeing their old friends. Secondly they said the food.
Here’s my latest thinking.
1) Guests - invite all the people who would be upset if they missed your wedding. For me, that’s my mom, which means no eloping unless she gets to come, too. Everyone else is icing on the cake.
2) Ceremony - I’d rather have a semi-fake officiant saying something decent than some droning guy saying things that creep me out a little. In fact, I wouldn’t mind just standing in front of people promising aloud all the things we want to promise.
3) Clothing - I’d like to dress up. I wouldn’t mind wearing my favorite dress. I found a pattern I like and might sew that, though. I don’t care about bridesmaids matching. So, either they can agree on stuff that won’t clash with each other or I can have just one bridesmaid. Guys could agree on something, too.
4) Photography - I’m a fan of friends as photographers, but it’s good to take some time to pose people. Usually a lot of people you never get to see show up–make sure to get pictures of them. If there’s something you love like the cake or centerpieces, get pictures of them.
5) Cake - get the yummiest, not the prettiest. For me, that’s chocolate flourless cake. You can make these in little muffin shapes and organize them in some interesting way. I also want milk.
6) Food - I still like the idea of catered pizza. My favorite pizza place even caters lasagna and salad! There should also be healthy things like fruit and veggies. One guy I heard about really wanted lunch sacks. The lunch sacks would be white and all decorated, and they would have really delicious sandwiches, etc. inside. I kind of like that idea, too!
7) Activities - dancing, eating, and toasts are the obvious choice. But you should pick activities that are fun for you and that everyone can participate in. I do like the dancing, and I like having comfy couches around for old people to sit in. I’m also thinking of origami at all the tables.
9) Place - I want something big enough where everyone can fit inside if necessary, everyone can sit down at the same time, and people can dance while other people are talking. I like the idea of a place that’s naturally interesting and doesn’t need to be decorated. If I were religious, I’d pick my church. Currently I’m favoring state park buildings or community centers. I’ve also heard of people using funeral homes! I’ve seen awesome houses, too, but I don’t know those people well enough!
10) Honeymoon - One guy said that all that really mattered on the wedding night was a nice bed. He likes the idea of staying at a nice hotel in town. The more I think about it, the less I want to be organizing some big fantasy trip that starts the day of or day after a big fantasy party. I also don’t like the idea of running away just when I got a bunch of friends in town.
I’ve decided what’s important are 1) to be married to the right person afterwards and 2) to celebrate the marriage with loved ones. So basically it’s just a ceremony and a party. It shouldn’t have to stress you out and wreck your budget. Well, any more than other big parties stress you out and wreck your budget anyway.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
At some point JD, can you write an article on pre-nuptial agreements? The good, bad and ugly. Thanks.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
With all due respect, having a paid officiant is not a guarantee of a boring ceremony just as having Uncle Fred be ordained online (which is not legal in many states, so if you’ve been married by a Universal Life minister, you might want to check that out) is a guarantee of a great ceremony. Let’s be serious here; you want someone who does this for a living. A minister who does one ceremony a year, your Uncle Fred whose public speaking experience is limited to a toast on Thanksgiving or a judge who could honestly care less; they’re all bad choices. Your Uncle Fred is not going to coordinate with your band, dj, florist, photographer, maitre d, bridal party or the town clerk after the fact. A “semi-fake” officiant is going to do a “semi-fake” job. Do yourself a favor and look for someone real; look for a Celebrant. We are in all states, and our ceremonies are amazing. We are trained, legal, articulate and creative.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Celia,
I think you are missing my point. We wanted to include our friends and family in it, so having a retired judge who was a very close family friend who wanted to do it made it that much more personal and intimate of a ceremony.
I understand you don’t want to have just anyone do it. But I think the point of the whole article was “use your connections, whatever they are, and be creative” One of our connections happened to be able to perform our ceremony, and it was a wonderful day.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Jerico,
I think that is a wonderful and lucky situation to have; a close friend who actually does this, who knows and loves you. What bothers me is the general tone (not from your post) that the ceremony is an trivial, necessary evil to “get through” as cheaply and quickly as possible. It should be a moving, professional, articulate expression of your relationship. And, of course, it should be legal.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Justin-
I am a professional wedding photographer. Even before I was, my wife and I didn’t skimp on our wedding photographer.
I have no interest in winning an argument here. I never said that amateurs can’t take good photos, nor that there aren’t pros who take terrible photos. I am making a generalization, and generally, you’ll get much better results from a professional than you will an amateur.
November 8th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
My feelings about the photographs was that I could care less about a huge album with tons of photos. I just wanted one nice portrait of us in our wedding attire. So we hired a photographer to swing by the reception and take a picture of us. While he was at it, we also took family portraits of the two families as well. I have three beautiful photos from that, and as luck would have it, got so many great photos sent to me from family and friends that I ended up with the huge album anyway!
We also did the buffet, and I wore my mom’s dress. Another thing we did was that we had an 11am wedding & early reception. And I had a wedding cake from Carvel (can’t stand regular cake)
November 8th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
To add to the testimony that it can be done for less: My husband and I married in 2005. We spent $5,500 total. That figure does not include the money spent by my step-mom to decorate the chairs, or the cost of ingredients to bake our cupcakes. Basically, we utilized our family and friends’ desire to help, their services (officate, food, live music) were gifts.
We also limited those invited to family (100 people).
We hired our semi-profession photographer friends to shoot the wedding for more than half the cost of hiring a professional. We already knew their work, and chose to hire both because we liked their individual styles (one being documentarian, the other portaiture).
November 8th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
@public college student: My university has an interfaith chapel.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
My wife and I got married for about $700, most of which went to: A) her dress, B) the priest, and C) the photographer, and D) reception.
We got married at sunset, after a raging thunderstorm, on Edisto Beach, SC during our July vacation; our closest friends were vacationing with us (that was planned b/f our wedding). One friend went out and cut wild tropical tropical flora and arranged for us. We all had a great time and it was a wonderful event.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:03 am
[...] Rich Slowly blogs on saving money on weddings (at $28,000.00 wedding, I am clearly in the wrong [...]
November 9th, 2007 at 5:31 am
[...] Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It and How You Can, Too Our best wedding tactic was to involve everyone who came in from out of town in wedding preparation. We held a small party at the reception hall for out-of-town guests as well as the most immediate family, where everyone talked and very gradually assembled things for the reception. This eliminated hall setup costs and was a lot of fun. (@ get rich slowly) [...]
November 9th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Our very unconventional wedding only cost about $3k, but that was 13 years ago. We were the first “big” gay/lesbian wedding in our neck of the woods so we had to just navigate our own way. Neither my family nor hers were going to give us money fo the event- so we knew we had to really economize. SOmewhere in the middle, the families came around and helped out- but mostly thru gifting of time, not money. It has meant more on some level because of it.
We ended up deciding to take the time for making all the food ourselves. We saved money in planning for lots of insalate type dishes and had no foods that required heating. For an August wedding, it made sense to have exquisite chilled or room temperature foods.
We did not want the responsibility of alcohol- we did not have a bar or any drinking like that at our reception. We had a big juice punch and soda or bottled water available.
We used the reception hall of the church we had our ceremony at. The rental was very inexpensive and we had friends help us do all the decorating.
A friend made our cake for her gift to us. She had just finished one of those Wilton courses- it was fabulous and we were able to have Duncan Hines Cherry Chip as our cake flavor (yum!).
Another friend who is a nationally recognized photographer took wonderful pictures and gave us copies.
We did splurge on a really good DJ for the reception- the dancing was great and everyone got in on it.
My mom made my dress and my sisters (a witness). My mother in law made my sister in laws dress. We rented a nice tux for my hubby.
My mom and stepfather paid for the rehearsal dinner. A few out of town guests were also invited along.
Most of our money went for costs to our week in Provincetown for the honeymoon.
Our one big snafu was forgetting to plan for who would be keeping the buffet table filled with food. OOPS! But luckily, some of our relatives who weren’t quite as liberal as they had thought (and were nervous about being around so many gay or lesbian folks) stepped up and helped out in this department. It smoothed over the first hour then everything went fine.
November 9th, 2007 at 9:12 am
I recently got married and have a few tips for those of us with snobby fiance’s (like mine) that would never go for some of these awesome ideas..
In wedding planning, adding the ‘W’ word to anything automatically increases the price by a significant ammount. Let me give an example:
I was calling around for catered reception hall prices and found something very interesing. I got the price of having our wedding reception there then a few days later, I called back and asked how much it would be for a family reunion. The family reunion was almost three thousand dollars less for exactly the same setup. So, I booked our wedding reception as a family reunion. The reception hall manager wasn’t happy when we showed up, but they couldn’t do anything about it. We paid for it and had a contract. Our wedding reception was, in fact, a gathering of the family so it couldn’t be ruled out as a family reunion.
This goes same with the cake. I asked for a custom cake and told them what I wanted. I said it was for a party. It closely resembled one in their “wedding cake” book. I got it for $200 less.
Florist - Same deal with the ‘W’ word. Saved over a thousand dollars here.
Chair covers - I just couldn’t win this fight with the boss-to-be. The reception hall wanted $4 a person (we had 300 guests=$1200, ouch). I purchased new chair covers online for $2 a piece and split the cost with her sister who was getting married around the same time we were. They looked great and the deal saved us $900.
If you have to hire a photographer, avoid the “money saving” photo packages and get one that will customize their service. I found a high-end photographer that would charge me for her time by the hour and give me a dvd with all the high resolution photos. I took the dvd to the photo kiosk in the local pharmacy and printed them for cheap. Between her time, the dvd, and photos I spent a total of $750. The cheapest ‘wedding package’ I found was from a low-end photographer for $1700. My wife and I had fun picking out the photos and creating our own wedding album from a kit instead of someone else doing it for us.
Just wanted to share.
November 9th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Our very traditional wedding cost about $10,000, half what I estimated it would have cost if we had not done these things:
- Planned the wedding for Monday instead of a Saturday or Sunday.
- Got an estimate from a great professional photographer for the full deal on the weekend, ($2200), then bargained her down to $1000 by reducing the timeframe slightly and moving to Monday.
- Had a 2:00 wedding followed by hors’d'oevres instead of a formal reception dinner
- Hired a celtic harpist and violinist — the most gorgeous music and very reasonable
- Did our own wedding “programs” and got the invitations done via a reasonable internet printer.
- Likewise, beautiful wedding dress from the internet for $300
- Bought our own wine and champagne by the case. No hard liquor.
- Friend made the wedding cake as a present, an unexpected saving.
It was an absolutely wonderful, perfect day and we’ll remember it for the rest of our lives. It was my second marriage, the first was when I was in college and that was a $500 affair — I’m so happy to have finally had a “real” wedding!
November 9th, 2007 at 9:37 am
One of the things to weigh in a lot of these decisions is the risk vs reward. Sure you can do things frugally, but if the volunteers don’t show up, can’t help, do shoddy work, give all your guests food poisoning, it can put a mark on a friendship or create considerable family tension. It may be worth hiring out specifically to avoid some of those issues.
A lot of the “wedding hype” can be reduced by creating a list of stuff you want at the wedding and then ranking it in order with your future spouse. Not to mention that planning the wedding is a great exercise for many of the other challenges you will face as a married couple …..
November 9th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Ed,
The reason a wedding costs more than a reunion is that the numerous details you expect your banquet hall to be responsible for are vastly less for a reunion. The cocktail hour is probably going to be longer, you will expect events like a toast to be choreographed, and all of this takes personnel, planning and care; that translates into money.
Wedding professionals are expensive people by the hour because we know what we’re doing, we care about what we do, and we can only do it once; it has to be perfect. The difference between “cheaping out” and choosing refined, experienced pros to help you celebrate is often very little; it is the initial style decisions you make that drive the price. I’m sorry; if you feel that you need to have 200 people at a country club for a wedding, I have very little sympathy with any cost cutting motives like going to a photo kiosk for photos.
That being said, I don’t believe that throwing money at an event makes it a better one; there are simply some hard choices to be made at the very beginning.
November 9th, 2007 at 10:33 am
[...] Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too - Weddings are notorious for costing astronomical amounts of money (according to the article, the average wedding costs $28,000), but it doesn’t have to be that way. JD presents a number of tips that will help you save money on your wedding without sacrificing your idea of a “dream” wedding. (from Get Rich Slowly) [...]
November 9th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Hmm, somehow I am not surprised that the people who get paid big bucks to perform wedding services are the ones most stringently arguing against doing those services yourself!
Celia, you talk a good talk, but like another commentator, I don’t know anyone who got a “wedding professional” officiant for their wedding–and yet, somehow, their wedding was not ruined.
My ideal wedding would probably be held in a nice park or wildlife reserve with a few friends. Just hike to somewhere nice, and sit around and hold the ceremony. No crazy dresses or anything. Reception would be potluck and pizza, with cookies for dessert. It would be necessarily small and I’m OK with that. I have been told that asking guests to bring a small dish to the reception is tacky, as one is bringing them there to celebrate, not work. I see it as a way for people to make or bring their favorite foods and share it with everyone else. I haven’t decided which viewpoint is more “correct”.
November 9th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
I get kind of annoyed by articles like this. “You, too, can have a cheap wedding, just get everyone you know to do something for free!”
If you don’t know anyone or are unwilling to draft people into service for you, then the tips don’t really apply.
My husband and I got married in Vegas last summer. Here’s how our wedding broke down:
Ceremony for 20 (at the Stratosphere Hotel chapel)and one dozen professional photos plus video:$800
Very nice four-course seated dinner and drinks at Fellini’s Ristorante (in the Stratosphere) for 20: $1200
Husband’s suit (very nice classic gray, he will be able to wear forever):$900
My dress (white summer dress from Macy’s): $80
Airfare/Hotel for us and some relatives: $2000
Misc accessories and travel items: $200
Pre-wedding bowling night:$100
Total: $5280
We did not have dancing, a rehearsal dinner, swan-shaped ice, or choreographed toasts. Everybody there was able to relax, including us. A couple of people gave spontaneous toasts, and it was a really fun, elegant night. Everyone had a good time. I would encourage eVeryone to consider which aspects of a wedding are really important. For us, it was feeding/boozing our guests. We didn’t care to have a guestbook, a DJ, an elaborate dress, or favors. I did kind of want a bagpiper, though
November 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Yeah E, I get paid “big bucks”. The average wedding that I write from scratch (including usually a two hour consult with the couple, three to five hours hours of writing and editing, numerous phone calls and two hours onsite plus any aftercare regarding the license) costs 600.00. Your plumber probably makes more than that; your auto mechanic certainly does.
I’m not embarrassed about my fees, nor am I embarrassed about my belief that some things (as someone else pointed out with the very real possibility of food poisoning) are worth paying for. The difference between a crappy, unprofessional job that will have you worried till it’s over or mortified as it’s happening is usually a couple hundred bucks.
Everyone has their priorities; mine happens to be the ceremony; thats why I do this work; to give beauty and dignity (and organization) to situations that are not in a church or a civil court. No one’s uncle, no judge, and no disinterested minister is going to create the service that I do. If you just want to be married, why not dispense with the whole thing?
The ceremony is a gift of inspiration and thanks to the people who support you (those same people who maybe made your decorations and made chicken cassaroles.) It’s insulting to them to make them sit through another dull ceremony cut and pasted by someone who doesn’t really care and doesn’t really write because they are not paid as the professional they are.
November 9th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
My husband and I were just married in May and we payed for our wedding ourselves. Our budget was $10,000 and we did a number of things that helped us make it happen:
1) We saved — as soon as we were engaged, we decided upon an amount of money to set aside every month. And by doing that, we were able to have a wedding and a honeymoon without going into any debt at all.
2) Photography — Craigslist! We sent out an ad asking for a photographer and received over 50 responses. Yes, many of them were not appropriate, but we found an amazing photographer, just getting into wedding photography, who was willing to do our wedding for only $500. He is now charging over $2500 per wedding.
3) Flowers — Farmers Market! Now, if you have your heart set on a certain flower or a certain aesthetic, this might not be for you. But I wanted a natural feel to the flowers, so this was perfect. We found a vendor at the farmers market who was able to do all the flowers and prepare them, so all we had to do was wrap them. Cost for 1 bride, 4 bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen, 1 dad, 2 mothers: under $300.
We cut costs in other areas, but these three really helped us make it as painless as possible. And saving for the wedding in advance really helped my husband appreciate the value of saving in advance versus buying now and paying later.
And I think our wedding turned out pretty amazing:
http://flickr.com/photos/littlemissjenny/sets/72157600982423032/
November 9th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
[...] Rich Slowly shows us how he saved money on his wedding. You need to read this article if you’re getting married soon, or ever plan to get married. [...]
November 12th, 2007 at 7:10 am
[...] Beating The High Cost of Weddings http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2007/11/08/beating-the-high-cost-of-weddings-how-we-did-it-and-how... [...]
November 12th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
[...] Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too - a great piece that I plan on referring to a lot of my friends. I have a feeling this winter season many of them will be popping the question. They’re going to need some good advice on how to keep the wedding costs under control. [...]
November 13th, 2007 at 6:25 am
[...] Rich Slowly recently had a guest post Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too. It made me think about one of the costs that is hard to beat: being an attendant in a wedding. [...]
November 13th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Lori,
I’m with you on that. What’s wrong with doing less?
We invited 20 people (handwritten invitations), had 1 attendant each, wore clothes we already had, asked the friend who introduced us to marry us at the park we’d gone to on our first date, and arranged a buffet brunch and cake at the hotel we were having our honeymoon.
Total cost: under $3000, most of it on the honeymoon.
But look at what we didn’t do. We didn’t invite a hundred people; we didn’t serve booze; we didn’t hire a florist, a calligrapher, or a printer; we didn’t have clothes made for an army of attendents; we didn’t rent a hall.
And the funny part was that we didn’t skip those things to save money. We skipped them because we didn’t want to bother with them. Neither of us wanted to *PLAN* a Huge Big Event, and even more, both of us did not want to have to *EXECUTE* a Huge Big Event. We just wanted to get married.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Celia wrote:
Ed,
The reason a wedding costs more than a reunion is that the numerous details you expect your banquet hall to be responsible for are vastly less for a reunion. The cocktail hour is probably going to be longer, you will expect events like a toast to be choreographed, and all of this takes personnel, planning and care; that translates into money.
Celia,
I’m comparing apples to apples. The services were exactly the same. Same bar hours, we had a toast but people just got their own drink from the open bar - no need to coordinate this with the reception hall.. We had a volunteer cut the cake.. All the reception hall employees had to do was serve food and clean up. The DJ took care of the rest (toast and such).
Wedding planning is not rocket science. I have been to two weddings planned by “professional” wedding planners and couldn’t tell the difference between them and weddings planned by the couples. In fact, I think our own personal touch to the planning made it more elaborate and meaningful.
The only value I see of hiring a wedding planner is if you’re so busy (and I mean you have to be BUSY) that you can’t make the accommodations yourself. During the planning stage, my wife and I were super busy and still managed to plan without a strain. We both had demanding jobs, she was going to night school for her masters, and I was going to night school for engineering.
No problem finding the time whatsoever.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Forgot to mention..
Celia wrote:
I have very little sympathy with any cost cutting motives like going to a photo kiosk for photos.
Celia,
We put the photos right next to our engagement photos ordered from a photographer and you can’t tell the difference..
There is nothing wrong with spending less if you’re getting the same quality.