Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too
Published on - November 8th, 2007 (by J.D. Roth) Think you need to spend a fortune to tie the knot? It’s just not so. Kris and I got hitched for a couple grand in 1993. In this guest post from JerichoHill, he explains how he kept costs down for his wedding last summer.
Weddings are expensive affairs. Couples often spend tens of thousands of dollars for an event that lasts only a day or two. I know, I know — the memories last a lifetime. But that’s the catch-phrase of the industry that’s sprung up around this occasion. In economics, this is called conspicuous consumption.
Ramit at I Will Teach You to Be Rich recently wrote an article about the cost of weddings. On average, a wedding costs $28,000. That’s more than half what the typical American household earns in an entire year!
I was married two months ago. Spending a lot on our wedding was not an appealing option, especially since we’re building a home addition at the same time. We managed to spend less than $10,000 on our wedding. You can have all the grandeur of a big wedding on a small budget. Here’s how we did it, and how you can, too.
Photography
With digital cameras, memory sticks, and a laptop computer, the difference between the equipment available to the average Joe and to a professional photographer has greatly diminished. An argument can be made that a professional photographer can capture that special moment better, but they’re also known to take a lot of pictures of the floral arrangement.
We decided that instead of hiring a photographer, we’d ask our friends and family to bring their digital cameras. Two of our friends are amateur photographers and were thrilled with a chance to use more fancy equipment for the wedding photos. One came armed with the latest techno gadgetry; the other came with an old-style camera (and I mean old-style!). Both friends had an absolute blast taking pictures.
For our reception photos, we asked that everyone take pictures of whatever they fancied, as we figured each social group at our wedding would take plenty of pictures of themselves. When guests left, they simply transfered their pictures onto our laptop computer, which was as easy as sliding the memory card into the appropriate slot and copying the files to our specified folder (which we made obvious).
By asking our friends and family to take pictures, we knew we’d get a lot of good variety, and perhaps a few more comical poses. We were able to pick and choose which to put in our own (free) online wedding album. Our friendly photographer posted the wedding album to PicasaWeb, and linked to a photo-making service so that guests could make prints of the photos they wanted. He added the pictures our friends took to the album, as well.
Chapel
Most colleges have a chapel, which is usually quite nice. Often, alumni of the college can use the chapel for their wedding, free of charge. During the planning stages, my fiancee contacted the chapel administrator at her alma mater. She filled out a few forms, and we had a nice place for a wedding for free because she was an alum. It was beautiful, but was even more meaningful because of her history!
Officiant / Organist
We weren’t picky about the type of religious ceremony we were married under. We were happy to be married by a friend of my wife’s family, who was licensed to perform marriage ceremonies. This added a personal touch. Another family friend was a retired organist, so he performed at our wedding. A deeply religious friend was honored to read from the Bible. Everyone did a marvelous job.
Reception
Renting a reception space is ghastly expensive. Why not have it at your home? My wife’s family welcomed the opportunity. Even though the reception was large, we found a way to make their space work.
Not only does having a reception at home save thousands on renting a space, but it can provide impetus for some much-needed home improvement! The money you would have spent on rent instead becomes new paint, a new patio, or dozens of other improvements that stay with your family after the big day has passed. For our reception, my in-laws’ house was repainted, the patio was re-laid, and the surrounding yard trimmed, pruned, and looked wonderful.
For music at the reception, we had an iPod loaded with tunes. We set that up to run into a speaker set, which an A/V friend of ours hooked up. When we had to interrupt DJ iPod for toasts, cake cutting, or our first dance, we used a switchboard from the local electronics store (very cheap). Otherwise, we hit the party shuffle, and off we went! Thanks, DJ iPod!
Rehearsal Dinner
We used a small restaurant and kept the rehearsal dinner invitations to main family members, the wedding party, and wedding officials. We met everyone else who came in that night at a local watering hole afterwards. I’ve been to some rehearsal dinners that were 60-100 person affairs. I can’t imagine how expensive they must have been!
For alcohol, we compared the restaurant’s wine prices with its corking fee. We found out that it was cheaper to pay the corking fee and just bring our own wine. After the rehearsal dinner, we had a night-time hangout spot lined up (a local bar/pool hall) where we could hang out with the younger crowd (that we couldn’t invite to the rehearsal).
Food
Catering is also expensive. We couldn’t believe how much it would cost for a large reception. Instead, my mother-in-law got creative with some foodstuffs from our local Costco. She enlisted the help of a women’s social club she belongs to — they had a good time getting creative on recipes. Folks marveled at the shrimp the ladies prepared — shrimp that was bought in bulk from Costco.
Clothes
I dressed my groomsman in black suits, since the occasion to wear a tux is normally few and far between. Since they had (or bought) the suit, I bought them matching ties and kerchiefs as their wedding party gifts. My wife was able to use her sister’s wedding dress, and I used an old family tuxedo. (Both fit us very well.)
Conclusion
These are just some of the many ways we reduced the costs associated with our wedding.
Our frugality led to creativity. We added a number of personal touches to the event, and our friends and family were able to help shape and sculpt our wedding day. Wedding memories aren’t made from expensive cakes, but from the oddest of quirks. (We’ll remember most our officiant’s wife telling him to speak up as we started our ceremony.)
Utilize your connections. Reach out and draw upon the community that you grew up in, and you might be surprised. With a good social network and some creative thinking, weddings do not need to be expensive affairs. (Unless you want them to be!)
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“Put your money in what you value! People will see and appreciate what you value, and be excited with you. Don’t just aim for the cheapest wedding as your guest will feel like that….that they are guests at a cheap wedding”
I agree. If you try to get the cheapest of everything and thats your only goal – why even have the ceremony in the first place?
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I got married in August, in the Bay Area. Total expenses were around $10k.
Connections, connections, connections. It is all about working your connections. We had friends do the day-of coordination, the officiating, the photography, the videography, the flowers, the cake (actually, cobbler), and we got the tea & coffee free from my husband’s workplace. Because we knew these people we had realistic expectations about what they would provide and across the board, they exceeded them.
Negotiate! Our ceremony/reception site manager originally told us the rental fee was $1500, but when we arrived to view the place my husband (admittedly, this was semi-accidental) said offhand, “So it’s $1200?” and the guy shrugged and said, “Sure, $1200.” It never hurts to try.
Don’t work with people you don’t trust. I gave five local caterers the same budget and only one came under it in her preliminary quote. I went with her and through lots of discussion about keeping costs down, we managed to keep to that budget. If the other caterers couldn’t meet my budget in purely theoretical terms, I had no doubt they would go even further over my budget later down the road. Food and drinks were by far the biggest part of our budget, and depending on the headcount, this expense can easily get out of control.
Other cost-saving moves on our part: I bought a yellow dress that I will wear again, for a few hundred dollars, and we didn’t have a lot of attendants. Just asked our siblings and one friend to stand up with us, and didn’t ask them to buy any special clothes. We bought the flowers at a farmer’s market the day before the wedding and arranged them ourselves in vases I bought used at a local salvage place. We even made the boutonnières and my bouquet – lots of good DIY information online. I designed our invitations and had them printed online. I spent a lot of time on the indiebride.com forums and ended up buying 1/2 of our glassware from another bride, 1/2 from IKEA, and then re-selling all of it to another bride after our wedding, saving hundreds of dollars on glass rentals. (Although we did have to wash them ourselves – but it was worth it to me.) DJ was an ipod, no live music.
Maybe a lot of our DIY stuff didn’t look professional, but we didn’t care. In the end we were married and our friends & family had a great time. That’s what we valued and we don’t regret a thing about how did it.
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Thanks again, J.D. & JerichoHill for an excellent post. You are right, JerichoHill: Frugality does lead to creativity and getting your family and friends involved makes it extra special for everyone even before the big day. And J.D., being like minded about the wedding is also key.
If I may, here are a few things from my experiences with weddings (friends & my own) that may help:
Invitations: I designed my own, and so have some of my friends. With all of the great artistic software available nowadays, it is usually easy to pick something up at Staples for $10 – $20 on sale and usually a bulk paper store will have plenty of nice stocks to choose from at reasonable prices. Trust me, it can be done tastefully if you copy a similar look from a professional piece
Cake: Usually, the fancier the decorations, the more expensive. Simple cakes are really classy and you can add your own real flowers around the base of the cake for color, if you like. Or, add some edible gold sprinkles for effect. My husband and I had a three tier / three flavor cake that was DELICIOUS & served 150 for around $200 because we kept the decorations to a mimimum.
Decorations: A friend of mine got married December 1st.
Her wedding was around 4:00, and she had a small sit down dinner for family & close friends at a nice restaurant afterward, followed by a bigger celebration at a bar with more friends later. Because of the holdiays, the restaurant was filled with beautiful pointsettas, candles and lovely ornamentation that she didn’t have to pay a dime for! Another friend had a similar experience with a church around Easter. Bottom Line: It’s not so much about getting married during a holiday as using potentially available resources that are already in place. Also: Check Craigs List or other free resources or post a note at a library or college bookstore about what you need – you may be surprised how much help you get!
Music: JerichoHill, I love your suggestion about the iPod. We used iTunes and it really worked out great. Another thing I thought was nice: the girl mentioned above was part of her college band, and she arranged to have a few members be roving violinists, play the flute and harp during dinner. They all dressed up in tuxes and you would have thought she spent a fortune! It was a romantic touch, and of course, very inexpensive.
Dates: Struggling with matching that special date you want with when everyone can get together? Here’s a thought: Get married on one day and have your party on another. That’s what my husband & I did (May 3rd & June 8th) and for as unusual we thought it was at the time (5 years ago) turns out it is becoming more common (at least that is what a caterer friend tells me). Anyway, we had a very special wedding day and wedding celebration AND because we told the caterer we were having a PARTY we saved almost 30% on the same arrangement that would have been served up for a wedding. In fact, when we were comparing prices, one caterer actually told us that she was going to have to re-quote us when she found out our event was wedding related!
Good luck to anyone making plans. Obviously, it is possible to have a beautiful day at a reasonable cost.
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@Celia
–The officiant was a long-standing family friend. That he was a highly respected retired judge was icing. That his wife had to remind him to speak up during the wedding was priceless!
@Rachel
–I dont want to put on airs that we were trying to be cheap. Rather, we could save money by doing things ourselves and involving our family and friends, who more than wanted to be involved.
@Maria
–I know several friends who got married and then had a party on a different date. Just as folks are now not immediately going on a honeymoon, splitting things up can make for less stress.
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We eloped, so our wedding cost less then $100.
We have great memories and an awesome story.
A friend is getting married this weekend and over the past couple of months I’ve been amazed at the transformation. She was so happy and cheerful, excited to be married and now she is completely stressed out and worried that everything must be perfect – because they are spending so much money on it. She offhandedly said they should have gone to Vegas, it was hard not to agree since it seemed the cost is what is changing her feelings of enjoyment!
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I couldn’t disagree more about the photographer. Getting good photos has NEVER been about available equipment, it’s ALWAYS been about having a trained eye and knowing how to use your equipment. An experienced professional can make photos with a disposable camera that are worlds better than what an amateur could with the world’s best gear. Out of everything you pay for, photos are the only thing that you’ll have with you for the rest of you life.
I’d splurge on photography if you’re gonna splurge on anything. Having an amateur do your photos is going to get you amateur results.
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I never understood the expensive wedding – ours in 2003 cost about $4k for around 100 guests – the majority of which was the reception, because that’s what we really wanted was a big party to celebrate with our friends.
- Rehearsal Dinner: $250 – beer and pizza for family and out of town friends. We didn’t have any attendants, special music, readings, or all that stuff – so we actually didn’t even have a rehearsal.
- Officiant: FREE my husband’s dad is a preacher, but I haven’t been to a paid officiant wedding in years. Everyone I know has a close friend they want to be involved in the ceremony go to The Universal Life Church website, get registered and perform the ceremony, Much better than a hired stranger.
- Flowers: $100. Spending thousands on flowers is just the most ridiculous expense ever. I ordered some fresh stems online, had them delivered a few days in advance, and the day before my new mother-in-law and I made boutineres and bouquets – simply gorgeous.
- Photography: $200 – a friend volunteered as our wedding present. Not a professional photog – but I’d seen her pics and they were good. She acted as the dedicated photographer – so we still got all the posed shots we wanted. She gave us the film and we developed into the number and sizes of prints we wanted. So that was the only cost.
- Dress: $175 – Brides for BreastCancer do a huge sales in cities all across the country every year in Jan and Feb. People donate their dresses, stores donate last years designs, runway samples, etc. and the prices are great. My dress was new – still had the original tag on it – $1100. I paid $175. And I donated it back 2 years later.
- Tux: $250 – my husband is Scottish and he had a custom kilt made. So he can wear it again for special occasions. Or Halloween.
- Cake: $200 – from a local bakery, simple but elegant smaller cake for the ‘cutting’ then a sheet cake on the side for most of the pieces. Much less than a huge fancy cake to feed everyone.
- Music: FREE – we made 5 CDs of music we loved AND works for a reception and put it on shuffle in a stereo. Sure, DJ’s can ‘keep a party going’ – they can also be bribed into playing songs you hate. We had a separate CD for walking down the aisle and exiting which a friend simply hit play and stop for.
- The remaining $3,000 went to the reception hall & food & drink: we got married at a brewpub/hotel in our area that is famous for it’s cool old buildings, so no extra decor was needed. The ceremony and reception were in the same room – we moved into a lobby area for a cocktail hour while they reset the room, then we provided a simple buffet meal of meats, cheeses, breads, fruits, etc. – wine and beer from the facilities own brewery and winery.
Oh – and it was Easter weekend so we spent about $50 on Easter baskets and candy for the kids in attendance.
The people working there said we were the most relaxed bridal couple they’d ever seen. ‘Cause we didn’t have to do anything to prep, we weren’t concerned about the budget we’d just spent, and we weren’t freaked out that something wouldn’t be ‘perfect.’ It was our wedding day – of course it was perfect.
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My two brothers have both gotten married in the last two years.
One brother’s wife was the only child of a wealthy wall street banker who paid for everything. The other brother had just graduated from college, got about $2000 from my parents but paid for the rest himself – and he and his wife had school loans getting to the end of their 6 month grace period. My younger brother probably spent as much on his entire wedding as my other brother spent on the alcohol at his reception.
The thing was that both brothers invited people they loved and cared about to the wedding, the guests all had great attitudes, and 6 months after the “wedding on the cheap” the memories aren’t all that different… My older brother’s wedding was fancier, but my younger brother was just as happy at the end of the night.
I have heard that a good, cheap photographer is the kid who does sports photography at the college newspaper – they can deal with all sorts of crazy lighting, are able to take good shots quickly, want to build up their portfolio, and aren’t too picky about what they charge. I’d guess the same thing goes for a photography student close to the end of there academic career. Neither of my brothers went that route though, so I don’t have any first hand results.
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Ken, are you a trained event planner? Have you had any experience in this field? If not, then you’re an amateur. Therefore, according to your own logic, listening to you will yield amateur results. So, I should not listen to you. Find the flaw in the logic yet?
A paid photographer can take crappy pictures just like anyone else can. My parents hired a photographer and videographer for their wedding, and they were not very good. ESPECIALLY the video guy. I likely could do better now, and I am merely a photography enthusiast. (Not even a hobby!)
I think the point being missed here is that Jericho’s friends were amateur in the sense that they did not do photography for a living. That does not mean that they are BAD at it, simply that their careers lie somewhere else. (No one is advocating giving a random guy in the street a camera to photograph your wedding.) Also, they were both HAPPY and ENTHUSIASTIC about what they were doing, which alone can work wonders. I can promise you that any paid professional photographer will be neither of these two things. (I’m remembering now how often I’ve had stone-faced, bored-looking photographers tell me to smile… I just can’t do it.)
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Some people make this WAY too hard – my husband and I were together 8 months before we got married, and we planned our wedding in 2 weeks (before I got shipped overseas for a year). We only spent a couple hundred on the wedding – we had it in his mother’s church (she’s an Elder in the Presbyterian church), reception in the basement. Used a CD player for music in the wedding and reception. Had only a handful of people (as not all family members could attend, especially on short notice in the Midwest in February!), they brought their own video cameras and photo cameras. I used my mother’s wedding dress and my husband wore a suit. We bought a boquet, a few flowers, a cake, and some food and champagne (and soda) for the reception. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now.
I also had a neighbor growing up who married in under a week at next to nothing because of their connections in the town, but if you don’t have that, keeping it simple is the most effective way. My grandparents and parents, and my husband’s grandparents and parents all went the simple route, though a few in their families also went a more expensive route. All in all, simple was the most well-remembered, and those are also the relationships that have lasted the longest (perhaps because they were on the same page financially more than anything else). Spend the money on your honeymoon, or save it for a vacation once you have the children you’ll eventually have. *grin*
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I was once reading a Dummies book about wedding planning, and just reading about all the things you have to do to protect yourself against caterers was stressing me out.
Finally I thought, why would we use caterers we’d never heard of? How about pizza delivery?
And then I started questioning all kinds of assumptions. There really are a billion and one assumptions about how weddings are supposed to be. But it doesn’t have to be a big, choreographed production event. The really sad thing is that a lot of people don’t even like to go to weddings. After all that work!
I actually started asking my friends, after they came back from weddings, what their favorite parts were. Mostly they said visiting people, seeing their old friends. Secondly they said the food.
Here’s my latest thinking.
1) Guests – invite all the people who would be upset if they missed your wedding. For me, that’s my mom, which means no eloping unless she gets to come, too. Everyone else is icing on the cake.
2) Ceremony – I’d rather have a semi-fake officiant saying something decent than some droning guy saying things that creep me out a little. In fact, I wouldn’t mind just standing in front of people promising aloud all the things we want to promise.
3) Clothing – I’d like to dress up. I wouldn’t mind wearing my favorite dress. I found a pattern I like and might sew that, though. I don’t care about bridesmaids matching. So, either they can agree on stuff that won’t clash with each other or I can have just one bridesmaid. Guys could agree on something, too.
4) Photography – I’m a fan of friends as photographers, but it’s good to take some time to pose people. Usually a lot of people you never get to see show up–make sure to get pictures of them. If there’s something you love like the cake or centerpieces, get pictures of them.
5) Cake – get the yummiest, not the prettiest. For me, that’s chocolate flourless cake. You can make these in little muffin shapes and organize them in some interesting way. I also want milk.
6) Food – I still like the idea of catered pizza. My favorite pizza place even caters lasagna and salad! There should also be healthy things like fruit and veggies. One guy I heard about really wanted lunch sacks. The lunch sacks would be white and all decorated, and they would have really delicious sandwiches, etc. inside. I kind of like that idea, too!
7) Activities – dancing, eating, and toasts are the obvious choice. But you should pick activities that are fun for you and that everyone can participate in. I do like the dancing, and I like having comfy couches around for old people to sit in. I’m also thinking of origami at all the tables.
9) Place – I want something big enough where everyone can fit inside if necessary, everyone can sit down at the same time, and people can dance while other people are talking. I like the idea of a place that’s naturally interesting and doesn’t need to be decorated. If I were religious, I’d pick my church. Currently I’m favoring state park buildings or community centers. I’ve also heard of people using funeral homes! I’ve seen awesome houses, too, but I don’t know those people well enough!
10) Honeymoon – One guy said that all that really mattered on the wedding night was a nice bed. He likes the idea of staying at a nice hotel in town. The more I think about it, the less I want to be organizing some big fantasy trip that starts the day of or day after a big fantasy party. I also don’t like the idea of running away just when I got a bunch of friends in town.
I’ve decided what’s important are 1) to be married to the right person afterwards and 2) to celebrate the marriage with loved ones. So basically it’s just a ceremony and a party. It shouldn’t have to stress you out and wreck your budget. Well, any more than other big parties stress you out and wreck your budget anyway.
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At some point JD, can you write an article on pre-nuptial agreements? The good, bad and ugly. Thanks.
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With all due respect, having a paid officiant is not a guarantee of a boring ceremony just as having Uncle Fred be ordained online (which is not legal in many states, so if you’ve been married by a Universal Life minister, you might want to check that out) is a guarantee of a great ceremony. Let’s be serious here; you want someone who does this for a living. A minister who does one ceremony a year, your Uncle Fred whose public speaking experience is limited to a toast on Thanksgiving or a judge who could honestly care less; they’re all bad choices. Your Uncle Fred is not going to coordinate with your band, dj, florist, photographer, maitre d, bridal party or the town clerk after the fact. A “semi-fake” officiant is going to do a “semi-fake” job. Do yourself a favor and look for someone real; look for a Celebrant. We are in all states, and our ceremonies are amazing. We are trained, legal, articulate and creative.
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Celia,
I think you are missing my point. We wanted to include our friends and family in it, so having a retired judge who was a very close family friend who wanted to do it made it that much more personal and intimate of a ceremony.
I understand you don’t want to have just anyone do it. But I think the point of the whole article was “use your connections, whatever they are, and be creative” One of our connections happened to be able to perform our ceremony, and it was a wonderful day.
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Jerico,
I think that is a wonderful and lucky situation to have; a close friend who actually does this, who knows and loves you. What bothers me is the general tone (not from your post) that the ceremony is an trivial, necessary evil to “get through” as cheaply and quickly as possible. It should be a moving, professional, articulate expression of your relationship. And, of course, it should be legal.
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Justin-
I am a professional wedding photographer. Even before I was, my wife and I didn’t skimp on our wedding photographer.
I have no interest in winning an argument here. I never said that amateurs can’t take good photos, nor that there aren’t pros who take terrible photos. I am making a generalization, and generally, you’ll get much better results from a professional than you will an amateur.
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My feelings about the photographs was that I could care less about a huge album with tons of photos. I just wanted one nice portrait of us in our wedding attire. So we hired a photographer to swing by the reception and take a picture of us. While he was at it, we also took family portraits of the two families as well. I have three beautiful photos from that, and as luck would have it, got so many great photos sent to me from family and friends that I ended up with the huge album anyway!
We also did the buffet, and I wore my mom’s dress. Another thing we did was that we had an 11am wedding & early reception. And I had a wedding cake from Carvel (can’t stand regular cake)
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To add to the testimony that it can be done for less: My husband and I married in 2005. We spent $5,500 total. That figure does not include the money spent by my step-mom to decorate the chairs, or the cost of ingredients to bake our cupcakes. Basically, we utilized our family and friends’ desire to help, their services (officate, food, live music) were gifts.
We also limited those invited to family (100 people).
We hired our semi-profession photographer friends to shoot the wedding for more than half the cost of hiring a professional. We already knew their work, and chose to hire both because we liked their individual styles (one being documentarian, the other portaiture).
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@public college student: My university has an interfaith chapel.
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My wife and I got married for about $700, most of which went to: A) her dress, B) the priest, and C) the photographer, and D) reception.
We got married at sunset, after a raging thunderstorm, on Edisto Beach, SC during our July vacation; our closest friends were vacationing with us (that was planned b/f our wedding). One friend went out and cut wild tropical tropical flora and arranged for us. We all had a great time and it was a wonderful event.
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[...] Rich Slowly blogs on saving money on weddings (at $28,000.00 wedding, I am clearly in the wrong [...]
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[...] Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It and How You Can, Too Our best wedding tactic was to involve everyone who came in from out of town in wedding preparation. We held a small party at the reception hall for out-of-town guests as well as the most immediate family, where everyone talked and very gradually assembled things for the reception. This eliminated hall setup costs and was a lot of fun. (@ get rich slowly) [...]
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Our very unconventional wedding only cost about $3k, but that was 13 years ago. We were the first “big” gay/lesbian wedding in our neck of the woods so we had to just navigate our own way. Neither my family nor hers were going to give us money fo the event- so we knew we had to really economize. SOmewhere in the middle, the families came around and helped out- but mostly thru gifting of time, not money. It has meant more on some level because of it.
We ended up deciding to take the time for making all the food ourselves. We saved money in planning for lots of insalate type dishes and had no foods that required heating. For an August wedding, it made sense to have exquisite chilled or room temperature foods.
We did not want the responsibility of alcohol- we did not have a bar or any drinking like that at our reception. We had a big juice punch and soda or bottled water available.
We used the reception hall of the church we had our ceremony at. The rental was very inexpensive and we had friends help us do all the decorating.
A friend made our cake for her gift to us. She had just finished one of those Wilton courses- it was fabulous and we were able to have Duncan Hines Cherry Chip as our cake flavor (yum!).
Another friend who is a nationally recognized photographer took wonderful pictures and gave us copies.
We did splurge on a really good DJ for the reception- the dancing was great and everyone got in on it.
My mom made my dress and my sisters (a witness). My mother in law made my sister in laws dress. We rented a nice tux for my hubby.
My mom and stepfather paid for the rehearsal dinner. A few out of town guests were also invited along.
Most of our money went for costs to our week in Provincetown for the honeymoon.
Our one big snafu was forgetting to plan for who would be keeping the buffet table filled with food. OOPS! But luckily, some of our relatives who weren’t quite as liberal as they had thought (and were nervous about being around so many gay or lesbian folks) stepped up and helped out in this department. It smoothed over the first hour then everything went fine.
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I recently got married and have a few tips for those of us with snobby fiance’s (like mine) that would never go for some of these awesome ideas..
In wedding planning, adding the ‘W’ word to anything automatically increases the price by a significant ammount. Let me give an example:
I was calling around for catered reception hall prices and found something very interesing. I got the price of having our wedding reception there then a few days later, I called back and asked how much it would be for a family reunion. The family reunion was almost three thousand dollars less for exactly the same setup. So, I booked our wedding reception as a family reunion. The reception hall manager wasn’t happy when we showed up, but they couldn’t do anything about it. We paid for it and had a contract. Our wedding reception was, in fact, a gathering of the family so it couldn’t be ruled out as a family reunion.
This goes same with the cake. I asked for a custom cake and told them what I wanted. I said it was for a party. It closely resembled one in their “wedding cake” book. I got it for $200 less.
Florist – Same deal with the ‘W’ word. Saved over a thousand dollars here.
Chair covers – I just couldn’t win this fight with the boss-to-be. The reception hall wanted $4 a person (we had 300 guests=$1200, ouch). I purchased new chair covers online for $2 a piece and split the cost with her sister who was getting married around the same time we were. They looked great and the deal saved us $900.
If you have to hire a photographer, avoid the “money saving” photo packages and get one that will customize their service. I found a high-end photographer that would charge me for her time by the hour and give me a dvd with all the high resolution photos. I took the dvd to the photo kiosk in the local pharmacy and printed them for cheap. Between her time, the dvd, and photos I spent a total of $750. The cheapest ‘wedding package’ I found was from a low-end photographer for $1700. My wife and I had fun picking out the photos and creating our own wedding album from a kit instead of someone else doing it for us.
Just wanted to share.
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Our very traditional wedding cost about $10,000, half what I estimated it would have cost if we had not done these things:
- Planned the wedding for Monday instead of a Saturday or Sunday.
- Got an estimate from a great professional photographer for the full deal on the weekend, ($2200), then bargained her down to $1000 by reducing the timeframe slightly and moving to Monday.
- Had a 2:00 wedding followed by hors’d'oevres instead of a formal reception dinner
- Hired a celtic harpist and violinist — the most gorgeous music and very reasonable
- Did our own wedding “programs” and got the invitations done via a reasonable internet printer.
- Likewise, beautiful wedding dress from the internet for $300
- Bought our own wine and champagne by the case. No hard liquor.
- Friend made the wedding cake as a present, an unexpected saving.
It was an absolutely wonderful, perfect day and we’ll remember it for the rest of our lives. It was my second marriage, the first was when I was in college and that was a $500 affair — I’m so happy to have finally had a “real” wedding!
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One of the things to weigh in a lot of these decisions is the risk vs reward. Sure you can do things frugally, but if the volunteers don’t show up, can’t help, do shoddy work, give all your guests food poisoning, it can put a mark on a friendship or create considerable family tension. It may be worth hiring out specifically to avoid some of those issues.
A lot of the “wedding hype” can be reduced by creating a list of stuff you want at the wedding and then ranking it in order with your future spouse. Not to mention that planning the wedding is a great exercise for many of the other challenges you will face as a married couple …..
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Ed,
The reason a wedding costs more than a reunion is that the numerous details you expect your banquet hall to be responsible for are vastly less for a reunion. The cocktail hour is probably going to be longer, you will expect events like a toast to be choreographed, and all of this takes personnel, planning and care; that translates into money.
Wedding professionals are expensive people by the hour because we know what we’re doing, we care about what we do, and we can only do it once; it has to be perfect. The difference between “cheaping out” and choosing refined, experienced pros to help you celebrate is often very little; it is the initial style decisions you make that drive the price. I’m sorry; if you feel that you need to have 200 people at a country club for a wedding, I have very little sympathy with any cost cutting motives like going to a photo kiosk for photos.
That being said, I don’t believe that throwing money at an event makes it a better one; there are simply some hard choices to be made at the very beginning.
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[...] Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too – Weddings are notorious for costing astronomical amounts of money (according to the article, the average wedding costs $28,000), but it doesn’t have to be that way. JD presents a number of tips that will help you save money on your wedding without sacrificing your idea of a “dream” wedding. (from Get Rich Slowly) [...]
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Hmm, somehow I am not surprised that the people who get paid big bucks to perform wedding services are the ones most stringently arguing against doing those services yourself!
Celia, you talk a good talk, but like another commentator, I don’t know anyone who got a “wedding professional” officiant for their wedding–and yet, somehow, their wedding was not ruined.
My ideal wedding would probably be held in a nice park or wildlife reserve with a few friends. Just hike to somewhere nice, and sit around and hold the ceremony. No crazy dresses or anything. Reception would be potluck and pizza, with cookies for dessert. It would be necessarily small and I’m OK with that. I have been told that asking guests to bring a small dish to the reception is tacky, as one is bringing them there to celebrate, not work. I see it as a way for people to make or bring their favorite foods and share it with everyone else. I haven’t decided which viewpoint is more “correct”.
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I get kind of annoyed by articles like this. “You, too, can have a cheap wedding, just get everyone you know to do something for free!”
If you don’t know anyone or are unwilling to draft people into service for you, then the tips don’t really apply.
My husband and I got married in Vegas last summer. Here’s how our wedding broke down:
Ceremony for 20 (at the Stratosphere Hotel chapel)and one dozen professional photos plus video:$800
Very nice four-course seated dinner and drinks at Fellini’s Ristorante (in the Stratosphere) for 20: $1200
Husband’s suit (very nice classic gray, he will be able to wear forever):$900
My dress (white summer dress from Macy’s): $80
Airfare/Hotel for us and some relatives: $2000
Misc accessories and travel items: $200
Pre-wedding bowling night:$100
Total: $5280
We did not have dancing, a rehearsal dinner, swan-shaped ice, or choreographed toasts. Everybody there was able to relax, including us. A couple of people gave spontaneous toasts, and it was a really fun, elegant night. Everyone had a good time. I would encourage eVeryone to consider which aspects of a wedding are really important. For us, it was feeding/boozing our guests. We didn’t care to have a guestbook, a DJ, an elaborate dress, or favors. I did kind of want a bagpiper, though
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Yeah E, I get paid “big bucks”. The average wedding that I write from scratch (including usually a two hour consult with the couple, three to five hours hours of writing and editing, numerous phone calls and two hours onsite plus any aftercare regarding the license) costs 600.00. Your plumber probably makes more than that; your auto mechanic certainly does.
I’m not embarrassed about my fees, nor am I embarrassed about my belief that some things (as someone else pointed out with the very real possibility of food poisoning) are worth paying for. The difference between a crappy, unprofessional job that will have you worried till it’s over or mortified as it’s happening is usually a couple hundred bucks.
Everyone has their priorities; mine happens to be the ceremony; thats why I do this work; to give beauty and dignity (and organization) to situations that are not in a church or a civil court. No one’s uncle, no judge, and no disinterested minister is going to create the service that I do. If you just want to be married, why not dispense with the whole thing?
The ceremony is a gift of inspiration and thanks to the people who support you (those same people who maybe made your decorations and made chicken cassaroles.) It’s insulting to them to make them sit through another dull ceremony cut and pasted by someone who doesn’t really care and doesn’t really write because they are not paid as the professional they are.
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My husband and I were just married in May and we payed for our wedding ourselves. Our budget was $10,000 and we did a number of things that helped us make it happen:
1) We saved — as soon as we were engaged, we decided upon an amount of money to set aside every month. And by doing that, we were able to have a wedding and a honeymoon without going into any debt at all.
2) Photography — Craigslist! We sent out an ad asking for a photographer and received over 50 responses. Yes, many of them were not appropriate, but we found an amazing photographer, just getting into wedding photography, who was willing to do our wedding for only $500. He is now charging over $2500 per wedding.
3) Flowers — Farmers Market! Now, if you have your heart set on a certain flower or a certain aesthetic, this might not be for you. But I wanted a natural feel to the flowers, so this was perfect. We found a vendor at the farmers market who was able to do all the flowers and prepare them, so all we had to do was wrap them. Cost for 1 bride, 4 bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen, 1 dad, 2 mothers: under $300.
We cut costs in other areas, but these three really helped us make it as painless as possible. And saving for the wedding in advance really helped my husband appreciate the value of saving in advance versus buying now and paying later.
And I think our wedding turned out pretty amazing:
http://flickr.com/photos/littlemissjenny/sets/72157600982423032/
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[...] Rich Slowly shows us how he saved money on his wedding. You need to read this article if you’re getting married soon, or ever plan to get married. [...]
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[...] Beating The High Cost of Weddings http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2007/11/08/beating-the-high-cost-of-weddings-how-we-did-it-and-how... [...]
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[...] Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too – a great piece that I plan on referring to a lot of my friends. I have a feeling this winter season many of them will be popping the question. They’re going to need some good advice on how to keep the wedding costs under control. [...]
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[...] Rich Slowly recently had a guest post Beating the High Cost of Weddings: How We Did It, and How You Can Too. It made me think about one of the costs that is hard to beat: being an attendant in a wedding. [...]
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Lori,
I’m with you on that. What’s wrong with doing less?
We invited 20 people (handwritten invitations), had 1 attendant each, wore clothes we already had, asked the friend who introduced us to marry us at the park we’d gone to on our first date, and arranged a buffet brunch and cake at the hotel we were having our honeymoon.
Total cost: under $3000, most of it on the honeymoon.
But look at what we didn’t do. We didn’t invite a hundred people; we didn’t serve booze; we didn’t hire a florist, a calligrapher, or a printer; we didn’t have clothes made for an army of attendents; we didn’t rent a hall.
And the funny part was that we didn’t skip those things to save money. We skipped them because we didn’t want to bother with them. Neither of us wanted to *PLAN* a Huge Big Event, and even more, both of us did not want to have to *EXECUTE* a Huge Big Event. We just wanted to get married.
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Celia wrote:
Ed,
The reason a wedding costs more than a reunion is that the numerous details you expect your banquet hall to be responsible for are vastly less for a reunion. The cocktail hour is probably going to be longer, you will expect events like a toast to be choreographed, and all of this takes personnel, planning and care; that translates into money.
Celia,
I’m comparing apples to apples. The services were exactly the same. Same bar hours, we had a toast but people just got their own drink from the open bar – no need to coordinate this with the reception hall.. We had a volunteer cut the cake.. All the reception hall employees had to do was serve food and clean up. The DJ took care of the rest (toast and such).
Wedding planning is not rocket science. I have been to two weddings planned by “professional” wedding planners and couldn’t tell the difference between them and weddings planned by the couples. In fact, I think our own personal touch to the planning made it more elaborate and meaningful.
The only value I see of hiring a wedding planner is if you’re so busy (and I mean you have to be BUSY) that you can’t make the accommodations yourself. During the planning stage, my wife and I were super busy and still managed to plan without a strain. We both had demanding jobs, she was going to night school for her masters, and I was going to night school for engineering.
No problem finding the time whatsoever.
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Forgot to mention..
Celia wrote:
I have very little sympathy with any cost cutting motives like going to a photo kiosk for photos.
Celia,
We put the photos right next to our engagement photos ordered from a photographer and you can’t tell the difference..
There is nothing wrong with spending less if you’re getting the same quality.
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Wedding planning is, in a way rocket science; when it works it’s great; when it crashes, it’s not. I’m not advocating a wedding planner for every situation; most weddings don’t need an extra level of administration, but skimping on the fundamental things that really make that day are decisions you make today that you may regret tomorrow.
You should decide what’s really important to you and skip the rest, as Lori said. And excuse me, the really important part is the ceremony. That’s why you’re all there, isn’t it? If you just want to “be married”, have a private ceremony with a judge and just have a party afterwards.
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i realize i’m reading this 5 months after the post, but thought i’d contribute our story…
My husband and i got married in southern california in aug ’07 for $5000…. it was beautiful! We had almost 100 guests and served dinner. Here’s how we did it:
1) the wedding was in a Huntington Beach city park ($300 fee)…. they had a little amplitheater, so no need for chair rentals or set up… (this park was also very important to us as we both spent our childhoods going to it!)
2) reception was at the public library that sat at the front of the park grounds– i think this was the largest expense at $2200…
3) thru craig’s list we found a digital photographer who had worked for a studio (and didn’t have rights/access to her previous work). She not only did the wedding for free (we still tipped her), but spent 7 hours photographing us for “engagement” photos.
4) for the catering– we told then it was for a “Family Reunion” (which pretty much is what a wedding is!) and it cost 1/3 of the exact same food that was on the “wedding” menu.
5) for the wedding cake, we did a nice sheet cake that was cut before-hand and kept in the kitchen, and had only a small wedding cake for cutting the first piece. (and our friend in Culinary school made that for the cost of supplies!) total cake costs were under $100
6) the library allowed beer and wine (only) which we purchased from sam’s and costco, chilled in coolers in the reception room’s kitchen… we were drinking the extra for a year after!
7) my wedding dress was a gift from a cousin– she had picked it up (for her wedding) at a discount store ($88, non-returnable) and later decided on another dress…
9) i had all the flowers done (boutineres, corsages, bouquets) done at a discount flower shop for $200
10) my husband and i made our own wedding announcements (cardstock, printer ink and ribbon) and table-centerpieces for bottom of the barrel prices… (and i think my mom returned all the glass bowls afterwards! lol)
however, we have yet to go on a honey-moon… it just wasn’t feasible at the time (we left days after the wedding to drive to NC where i attended school at UNC, so we’re working on that now….
hope this helps someone in their planning stages!
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As a CPA, I can appreciate the value of saving a buck. I was married, last century and we chose Jamaice and the bridal party consisted of four people from my size and four from my wife’s. We then had a reception for all of our friends back in the States a couple of weeks after the weeding.
I am also a professional wedding and portrait photographer and must add a note of caution. Wedding photography is an art and a science. The photographer must not only be in the right spot at the right time, but must also compose the image and provide appropriate condition compensation such as adjusting the flash exposure to the situation and correcting for the color temperature (daylight, Tungsten, Flourescent, etc). Lastly, these images are to last a lifetime and saving a few dollars on photography may not be as wise a choice as it first appears.
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I was married last month, and we also wanted it to be special, beautiful, simple, memorable, and not ridiculously expensive. Here’s how it went:
Officiant – Got a friend ordained: $0
Location – I scouted lots of public parks, hotel reception rooms, etc, for something nice and not too pricey. However, I live in San Diego, where not only are the park use fees pretty high ($250 and up), but a lot of places are having public events on a Friday evening in the summer. We had a short, no-decorations needed ceremony on a mountaintop park, guerilla-style (no permit): $0.
Reception: held at a friend’s house, in the pretty backyard. (Family and friends helped clean up before and after): $0
Dress: I’m so petite that wedding dresses were ridiculously huge on me, and there was no time for alterations. Sears’ prom department: $23
Groom & Groomsmen: Husband wore a smashing suit he already had, we bought the three guys matching dress shirts and ties at Mervyn’s: $74
Food (20 guests): Husband cooked a tri-tip roast, roasted potatoes, made pasta salad and steamed veggies. We also bought a spiral sliced ham, fruit tray, and a HUGE cake from Costco: $100
Drinks: Beer, water, soda, wine, champagne, one large bottle of rum: $120 (most of this we took home, the alcohol was barely touched)
Photographer: found a photographer with lots of experience but no wedding experience. He was also new to the area and looking for work. 3-4 hours of pictures, plus editing: $220
Hotel room for mothers: $300
Rental car for mothers: $100
Bouquets: bought fresh flowers from Vons grocery, snipped & rubber banded stems, tied with ribbon: $20
Hair: updo at SuperCuts: $45
Makeup: a friend’s mother helped: $0
Shoes: used some I had: $0
Jewelry: borrowed from a friend: $0
Music: made a playlist on the laptop: $0
Invitations: we just did phone calls: $0
Chair/table rentals: borrowed: $0
Decorations: wedding aisle at the dollar store and walmart (cute stuff!) $130
Paper plates, utensils, etc: Dollar store wedding aisle: $20
Total cost: $1150
I would say the biggest cost savers are:
A smaller guest list
Being flexible and creative about almost everything.
Good luck!
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