I’m in an interesting spot in my life, mainly because my story is exactly like J.D.’s.. I didn’t have enough money to eat half the time, so now that I have it, I want to use it. ^^;; Though, what’s more, is I feel I deserve to.

I just wanted to thank you so much J.D. I know that I’ve been trying not to think of ways to stop this before it get’s bad because I’m having so much fun spending. I loved the idea’s you have, particularly the one about taxing yourself. The good new is that, as much as I love shopping, I am not to the point where I’m spending so much I can’t afford my bills, but I’m so close to that right now.. It’s so stupid. ^^;; I genuinely feel great shopping, but the next it doesn’t even matter anymore. That coupled between my attraction to this guy at barnes in nobel is going to be the death of my wallet if I don’t watch out.

BUT YES! Thank you so much for this article. I’m changing this part of me and I’m going to force myself to do it, not because of money really, but because I hate not having control of myself. lol

About the causes…there are many, and I haven’t really thought about them properly until now. Like you, I grew up poor. I always wanted stuff, but could never have it. I wore old hand me downs and rarely had new toys. Other kids always had better things than me, or so it seemed. My family situation was bad too- my parents argued a lot and my dad suffered from alcohol addiction. I was very insecure and embarassed about my situation, and could be socially awkward at times.

It’s funny that you should mention the “rat’s nest” – I had something very similar. I’d collect things, mostly junk- colourful boxes, cut outs from magazines, old coins, junk mail, bubblegum and chocolate wrappers etc. I’d get a rush from addings new things to my “collection”.

Then our situation improved and we could afford more things. I’d pester my parents constantly and threw awful tantrums if I didn’t get what I wanted. I’d guilt them into buying me things by reminding them of the bad old times.

When I moved away to uni I changed- I was suddenly more confident, had more friends and more success with guys. I started dressing better and went out more. I had a student loan, a credit card and overdraft, and I felt invincible. However, I always had a nagging anxiety in the back of my mind- that I’d slip up and that people will see the “old me”- the scrawny, awkward kid in oversized hand me downs…or that if people knew about my past (my dad being an alcoholic, being poor etc.) then they wouldn’t like me anymore.

The solution was to spend money and to maintain a certain image. It escalated into spending even when I already had what I needed to maintain that image. I’d rationalise it- “I might this dress in the future….this is only half price, so I’m not spending a lot….I need these shoes to go with that handbag”. I’d get a kick out of going into shiny, expensive shops and spending forever trying things on. The rush when I bought something new was great. I wasn’t satisfied with buying “boring” practical things. The only way to get my fix was to buy luxury items- evening dresses, heels, make up, jewelry. Then when I got home the effect would wear off and I’d feel guilty about spending. I’d resolve not to buy anymore, but the next week I’d be at the mall again. I started going shopping on my own and hiding purchases from my parents. Money would just go and I didn;t even remember what I spent it on. I maxed out my credit card and overdraft, and I owe my parents money.

Now I’ve resolved to change, but it’s hard. I feel anxious if I’m “missing” something- if a handbad breaks, I can’t rest until I’ve replaced it, for example. I don’t really know where to begin, but I’m determined to change my spending habits, before I get into big trouble. I’ve re-paid my credit card and cut it up to start with.

It’s going to be hard, because I’m going to do it on my own. My family and friends always joke about me being a shopaholic, but they don’t know the full extent of it. I can’t ask for help because I’m afraid of failure (I’m a bit of a perfectionist) and I don’t want people to judge me. I’m relieved that I’m not the only one with this problem though, and it’s been good reading about other people’s experiences. I hope that my post has been of help too.

My name is Joseph and I am producing a new documentary film aimed to raise awareness of compulsive shopping and shopoholism in America.

Both I and the film’s director are recovering compulsive shoppers. I know the feeling of having an uncontrollable urge to shop and consume to fill something within, but only to be left with an emptiness at the end of the day. We seek to bring to light both the psychological and cultural forces that have brought about our epidemic of compulsive shopping. What is it that drives us to fill our lives with “things?”

We are searching for someone who would feel comfortable in front of a camera, and would like to share with us the motivations behind their shopping.

If you would like to raise awareness of the issue by sharing your story in our film, we would love it if you could send us some information about yourself – your name, age & general area of residence, as well as some insight into your situation. How does compulsive shopping affect your day-to-day life? Are you stuck in a cycle of shopping to make yourself feel better? Does compulsive shopping hold your life back through debt, or other financial obstacles? Has the ritual of shopping replaced other, more productive or personally beneficial activities you may have previously participated in?

Please just let me know if you feel you may want to participate.

Thank you so much and best of luck!

Joseph Ferrera
josephferrera1@gmail.com

I had an upbringing similar to yours, but I grew up in a kinda-nice (overgrown bushes, peeling paint, old shutters, haha) 2 story home (didnt know we were poor); My mother bought it for our family with inheritance money but the man she married slowly drained our funds over the span of their relationship. During the course of their marriage my parents kept expenses very secret and I had absolutely no knowledge of money or its nature in our society (taxes, insurance, loans, ect), they took care of all finances for me without my knowledge. To add to the ignorance, I had the learning disability ADHD but it wasnt identified until recently, and growing up in the school system I had particular difficulty with numbers.

Its my belief that the mixture of never understanding numbers and never being taught about money to be the reason I have poor financial habits today. After I graduated and turned 18 my parents divorced and my father got everything. My mother who was mainly a house wife had to declare bankruptcy and we went homeless for the summer and had to sleep on the floor of my sisters house until my mother found a job to saved up the money to rent a small home in an adult community.

Today I still live with her but im financially independent; I live paycheck to paycheck paying bills. In the beginning I spent money “living in the momen”t, divulging in the pleasures I always craved, now at 21 the reality of the world is hitting me and I realize now I need to change my habits.

My economics professor told my class all the time that statistics show that if an individual doesn’t learn how to properly manage there finances and SAVE by the age of 26, they never will. Im definitely focused on getting my act together before then!

I find that I get the same pleasure going to the library to pick up books and dvd’s as I get by buying them, without the guilt of spending money. You are satisfying the need for something new and inteteresting withouth having to pay for it.

On top of that you have a deadline for returning the items, which actually forces you to read the books whereas most people spend a lot of money on books for them to be sitting on their shelves!

Has anybody else experienced the library as a substitute for spending money on books and DVD’s?

[...] used to happen to me all of the time. I used to be a compulsive spender. It was difficult for me to enter a bookstore or a mall or even a supermarket without buying [...]

[...] Realize that buying things to make you feel good about yourself, often have the opposite effect. Consumer debt, even though it’s on the decline, is still an epidemic, and leads to depression, feelings of personal worthlessness and problems with interpersonal relationships. How many marraiges have been ruined through financial irresponsibility.  If you have spending habits that you hide from loved ones, chances are, you are in a downward spiral.  If you think you may be a shopaholic, check out these six steps to curb compulsive spending. [...]

First off, close your Paypal account and cut up your credit cards. Secondly, use the envelope system. Put your monthly spending cash into an envelope in your purse, when the envelope is empty, you’re done spending for the month. However, that will only treat the “symptoms” of your problem.

You need to determine the root cause of your behavior. Is it that you’re addicted to that four-letter word, “sale?” Are you spending because you’re unhappy or just plain bored? Or are you spending because you’re trying to “keep up with the Joneses”?

You could institute all the financial advice in the world, but the bottom-line is that it will be all-for-naught when you go on your next shopping binge.

If you don’t figure out what’s driving this behavior, you’re going to be in a world of financial hurt (if you’re not already).

Now don’t take this the wrong way, but I would recommend talking with a mental health professional about whatever problems you’re having that is leading to this (financially) self-destructive behavior.

My opinion is that seeking psychiatric help does not make you “defective” or “weak.” In fact, it shows that you’re bold, strong, and cognizant enough to take action. However, knowing you have a problem and doing nothing about it is the worst thing you can do.

Good Luck & God Speed,
Rob

It sounds like you have to cut up the virtual credit card, too. Close the PayPal account. Don’t think twice about it. You don’t need it. You don’t need to buy something on eBay a week from now or even a year from now. Close the account AND cut up your credit card. Next time you find yourself wanting to re-open it, hopefully you’ll be able to really think about it. Hopefully you’ll have tasted what it’s like to break free from the compulsion. And that should help you think twice about opening another avenue to overspending.

Jason

I’m a techie/geek at heart and is hard not to buy electronics every day, but have swayed myself from buying every want in the book with the waiting game. I did cave on my iPhone purchase which the bill is somewhat hefty, but the one thing I do monthly.

I stopped paying for cable TV and just use an antennae. In ‘cahoots’ with Hulu.com I don’t need to buy TV anymore, although internet is a must for me.

As noted in some comment before I saw my parents wasting money left and right (I still do) and don’t want to be like that. Why I have my automatic savings taken out each paycheck, and put in extra when possible. Paying my college off $700 a month and living in my parents old house with a friend for only $300/month. Takes some self driven motivation to keep on top of things. It’s hard sometimes, I know that.

[...] Credit Card is Not an Emergency FundAsk the Readers: How to Cope with Socially Obligated Spending?Are You a Shopaholic? Six Steps to Curb Compulsive SpendingReader Survey: How Do You Cope with a Limited Income?Ask the Readers: How Do You Prepare for [...]

[...] Get Rich Slowly blog has posted “Six Steps to Curbing Compulsive Spending.” They’re good ideas. Let me add one more, specially suited to the [...]

I’m on a very tight budget with little to no disposable income. While my wife spends her money to over fill “her” TWO WALK-IN closets, her son & daughters’ closets, the closet at the front door, and many large plastic tubs in the attic & basement with “HER CLOTHES”.

Several dozens of every apparel (shirts, pants, shoes, dressess, etc) most have been worn very few times when the next one is purchased. She has a compulsion that keeps her buy clothes for HERSELF all year & every year.

After many conversations (arguements) I’ve only been able to get her to pay for her own car, auto insurance & auto maintenance, her cell phone, 1/2 of the satellite TV bill, and her long distance calls on the land line.

We both buy clothes & toys for the kids, but I pay the most significant portion of the daycare & summer camp bills, & family vacations. I’m the one funding the two college 529 funds, and I’m the only one saving for retirement.

All the exterior landscaping, lawn care, snow removal, and interior/exterior home renovations & improvements are funded by me.

It seems like my money funds nearly all of the family needs and her money is hers; with very little exception. She’s very self centered & selfish; and she wasn’t that way before we got married. Getting her to spend any of her money on ANYTHING for the family is like pulling teeth, she expects me to pay everything. Her money is for HER.

Shopaholic? Compulsive shoppers? Selfish? Self-centered?