The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Book Contest

My cute little grandmother grew up during the Great Depression. She has two giant freezers and they are always packed to the gills. She throws NOTHING away.

I went to visit her one summer when I was 17, and when she offered some cake, I took her up on that offer. She pulled a couple of slices out of the freezer, and thawed them in the microwave. It tasted a little off, but I thought nothing of it. As I was finishing up my slice, she mentioned, “You know, that’s your parents wedding cake?!” That cake was 24 years old!!! Blech!

I’ve always kept my eyes peeled in parking lots and stores for loose change on the ground. When I worked for US Airways as a customer service agent, I discovered that the airport is a goldmine of dropped money. I became obsessed with it even going into the pilots’ breakroom and getting down on the floor to collect change from underneath the vending machines (to the humiliation of my then boyfriend now husband). I kept track for awhile to prove my point – I found between $10 – $35 every month!

Also, on Sundays I watched my boarding areas like a hawk so I could collect newspapers with the coupon sections intact that were left behind by passengers. (I have also nabbed these from my neighbors’ recycle bin). Sometimes I would have 5 or 6 of the same coupons which I would save up and then go into Wal-mart or somewhere that was having a sale on those particular items and stock up.

Finally, although I swear that I always returned left behind items if possible, I frequently found books left by passengers. I love to read so if they were any good I would read them first and then sell them on Amazon.com’s used book area. Made about $50 doing that.

In high school there was a band t-shirt I wanted but I was broke. So I asked all my friends if they would “donate to the Holly’s cheap and wants to buy a t-shirt fund.” I actually got enough loose change to cover almost 100% of the price…but never got around to going to the mall to get the shirt (something I’m not that proud of).

Oh dear, I just remember a friend of mine who came to visit me when I was still living with my parents. He was going to stay as a guest some nights and he brought me a videocassette of a nice film as a present (we both love cinema).
One night we went to have dinner with friends, we had to pay alla romana but since he had yet to get some cash at the teller, I paid for him in advance. Later he told me: “Erm, the videocassette is my payment for the dinner, ok?” Nice present indeed.

And I remember a girl who used to steal the whole selection of tea bags brought with the pot at the tea room…

My parents were horridly cheap – not frugal… truly cheap. We were required to re-use Kleenexes because they were so “expensive”.

So cheap it cost us at times…

The farm I grew up on had about 7 or 8 black walnut trees in the yard. We had no squirrels (our dogs weren’t very squirrel friendly) and my Mom didn’t bake so my Dad would go around with a wheel barrow and pick up the walnuts before mowing. To save on gravel for our driveway he would dump all the walnuts in the driveway. The only gravel in the long driveway was from 30+ years ago before my parents had bought the farm. Our half mile driveway that climbed the tallest hill in about a 30 mile radius (we had a great view by the way) was a quagmire of mud when ever it rained to the point people wouldn’t come over if it was muddy out because they couldn’t get up the driveway. Our driveway emptied out on to a highway so people couldn’t just park on the road.

Now this part many of you may find sad/tragic however 15 years after the fact I find it kinda funny and it taught my Dad a horrid lesson. It also taught me a life long lesson in frugality gone too far that I still practice today. And also positive events that followed the tragedy have given me a deep faith that all things happen for a reason.

The fan had been sticking on our furnace all winter. The repair person recommended replacement of the unit as some part was beyond repair on the 20-30 year old furnace. It was scaring my Mom & I but my Dad wanted to wait till the end of winter when furnaces went on sale to replace it. Finally it got to the point we could hear it sticking all the time and the fan finally kicking in at the last moment. My father decided foohy on waiting till the end of winter & @ the end of January he had all 3 furnace people in the area come out & quote for a new furnace. Then he put a rush order on one. The new furnace came in to town on February 11th & was to be installed the day after. I was going to junior high in town by that time & I would go to the library after school for my father to pick me up there on his way home from his job. As we were driving home our hill came into sight & there was a slew of emergency vehicles at the foot of our driveway. The driveway being blind to highway traffic we thought my brother had a car accident on his way to work (night job). Then as we sat in the backed up traffic (the highway had been shutdown due to the emergency vehicles) we noticed smoke coming through the small forest that was our yard. As you’ve probably guessed by now it was the house. Dad had forgotten to shut off the furnace on his way out that day & the fire trucks were unable to go up the driveway due to the mud so they devised a swimming pool type thing on the road to pump water up to the house. No one was home when it started & no one was hurt – the only casualties were the fish & hamster in my bedroom.

A lighter hearted story – an old friend loved sales so much that when I went to help him clean/excavate his basement in 2004 I found 20 boxes of unopened cereal that had expired in 1996 and a couple dozen bottles of detergent so covered in dust they had to be washed off to read the label (detergent does apparently expire). This taught me that buying in bulk does have it’s down side.

My Mother raised 8 children (and sent us all to college) first on a draftsman salary and after my father died on her beginning teacher’s salary. To save on groceries, she bought generics, items in bulk, and day old items from the bread store, etc. One day I asked her why she bought some particularly unappealing – but definitely cheap – cookies. She didn’t skip a beat when she replied, “They are the only kind that last all week.”

One of the more unusual things that we did to save money was refilling fountain pen cartridges (our parochial school required fountain pens) using ink from a bottle and a syringe.

And when our cousins sent a pair of used ice skates we took turns wearing them, filling the toes with newspapers for those with smaller feet, until Mom was convinced that we liked skating enough and she could find skates on sale. While one child would skate, the others would slide around the pond in our boots.

Here’s a story from my childhood:

- We went to see a recreated old ship that was at port downtown, but they were having a wedding at the boat so they told us to go away. In the public bathrooms nearby they had put fancy paper towels & napkins at, which my mom loaded up in her backpack and every bag she had on her.

At my house we reuse plastic bags (all types), have a compost bucket next to the trash for food scraps, my wife made pads & nursing pads out of extra material to save money, we keep the TP cardboard rolls to use in the spring as plant starters, make our own broth and skim the fat for cooking other dishes. Bread ends are in the freezer for crutons, 80 lbs of potatoes picked up for $0.10/lb in our basement. Some of our dates consist of mystery shopping where we get paid. My wife made cloth diapers to save us money buying them. When I worked at fast food, I took tons of food home they were throwing out, I’m tempted to visit fast food places before they close to see if I can get some of it.

I went to my former mother-in-law’s home for a large family chicken dinner. When I was helping to clean up after we ate, I threw out a bowl of chicken bones that had been collected from each person’s plate. My mother-in-law said, “Oh no! I was saving those to make soup for tomorrow!” She probably got them out of the trash after I left. I did NOT show up for the next night’s dinner! I realize that boiling the bones would kill all “cooties”, but still….

In my story the cheapness was rather necessary due to circumstances. In fact I quite admire the willpower of the friend who carried it out.

In my final year at university we had a new house-mate in our house. He was a mature student and as a result he was a few years old than the other three of us. He also had a bit more life experience, and life circumstances.

He lived a pretty frugal existence. The main dilemma he had was (as he explained it) that he couldn’t get another job in that tax year for tax purposes (something I never asked why about, but that’s not the point).

Towards the end of the tax year the rest of us headed home for the Easter break. Our friend remained, having a jacket potato and baked beans for dinner every night. He was so diligent with his spending that he would swap between the local Kwik-Save and Tesco, depending on who was selling baked beans for a lower price at the time.

(N.B. He told us this after we had returned from our holidays. Had he explained this before we left I’m sure we would have done something to help him enjoy more variety.)

I’m not very cheap to be honest (which is why I need to win this book), but I do cut my own hair and do my own manicures and pedicures. I know that some women would never stoop so low just to save money, but I like saving the couple hundred dollars every year!

My friend grew up in a New York City apartment where his father, famous for cheapness, forced the family to make toast in the gas stove rather than the toaster. Why? Gas, not electricity, was included in the rent.

Here’s a bit of corporate cheapness for you.

Many years ago, I worked for a small twice-weekly newspaper, which was owned by a certain national newspaper chain. The corporate HQ types seldom came around, so the general manager of the paper pretty much had free reign in the operations of our local offices.

The cheapness showed up in some unusual ways, such as once when the GM tried to persuade me to use an empty wire newspaper rack as a shelf. “Yeah, just turn it upside down and you can put your scanner (or hard drive, or whatever) on it.” Never mind that the shelves collapsed inward when it was turned upside down, or that it really wasn’t strong enough to hold anything substantial. I politely declined his suggestion.

But the real kicker for me was what I encountered in the ladies’ room (and, from talking to my male co-workers, the men’s room as well): instead of real, actual paper towels, we had to use blank sheets of newsprint to dry our hands with. It didn’t really dry my hands – just got rid of the largest droplets of water while irritating my skin, so in many cases, it was just best to let them air dry.

This was the normal state of affairs for at least a couple years, then one month, the corporate HQ made their rounds to all the papers in our state. Somewhere along the line, they discovered our improvised paper towels, were suitably outraged, and literally the next DAY, we had real, actual paper towels. The GM got himself raked over the coals but good, and that was the end of that little episode.

(Oh, and yes, we DID have real toilet paper, mercifully)

Well I couldn’t read them all, but it’s going to be hard to compete with the hazelnut candy.

But here goes: my friend has to go to the hospital regularly, and whenever he does he refills a little Prell bottle with sanitizer they now have in every lobby.

You call that cheap?????

Cold snap today here in the East. I’m loath to turn on the furnace. My poooor wife say’s she can see her breath in the kitchen this morning.

“Great!” I said, “Now I can unplug the refrigerator!”

-Jeff Yeager
The Ultimate Cheapskate
http://www.UltimateCheapskate.com

PS – Kidding aside, you folks are pretty darn cheap! Keep ‘er going!

My friend and I were arguing about who was more “ghetto” growing up and sharing our cheapskate stories.

My story was about how I started to cut my own hair in an effort to save the $8 I had heterto spent on haircuts. I was terrible, and ended up coming to school with a shaved head for the next several months until I realized that saving $10 wasn’t worth the demolition of my social status.

But my friend beat me with his story. He said that growing up, his family was so cheap, that when McDonalds had their $.29 hamburger deal, they would buy about a hundered of them and freeze them to thaw out and eat for meals in the future. He also told me about how his mother would sneak in tupperware to the buffet and steal enough food to last a couple of days for his family of 3.

He was glad, but embarassed, to have won the argument.

This one is on the border line of ethical, but it works for my uncle. Every year before the holidays he buys saws, drills, and whatever tools he needs to manufacture projects for Christmas gifts.(This year it was bird houses.) He then returns the power tools to the various stores and gets his money back.
They say he built his house that way, but I don’t know if you can get a full refund on used cement mixers!
Anyway, my uncle doesn’t even pay for most of the lumber, he retrieves it from other peoples remodeling projects, with permission, of coarse.

In 2002, my husband and I moved to Orlando. After a couple of days in our new home, I decided I needed a few things from Walmart. I had no idea where the nearest one was, so I looked it up online and struck out to find it. The driving directions told me to get on a toll road for about 2 miles, and it cost me seventy-five cents. I was furious, and decided I could find my way home without that stinking toll road. I normally pride myself on my excellent sense of direction but, Orlando was the first place I had ever lived without mountains or water as landmarks, and it was high noon, so there weren’t even any shadows. Two hours later, I still hadn’t found home. I had wasted the better part of a day and a tank of gas, my groceries were getting hot. I decided to ask directions. Since no one is actually FROM Orlando, no one could help me (it didn’t help that I had gotten about 30 miles off track). I wound up filling up with gas and buying a map, all to save 75 cents. My attempt at extreme frugality cost me about $40.00.

OK, here are some cheap things a relative has done. Goes to McDonalds near her home and buys a double cheeseburger to go ($1). Takes it home, removes 1 burger and puts it on a bun she had at home and voila! Two cheeseburgers for a dollar!

Also, family of 4 goes to dinner. All order water with lemon. Everybody gives their lemon to the dad who squeezes them into his water, adds a packet of splenda and has lemonade for free!

My fishing buddy was so cheap that when he broke the inside door handle off his truck, he replaced it by attaching a pair of vise-grips to the door spindle. He reasoned that the pliers were in the truck anyway and they ought to be put to use.

When I was a kid I remember seeing my granddad drinking out of shampoo bottles! I used to think he was cheap or just crazy, but now I think he was trying to be frugal.

My grandfather is so cheap…

He stole advertising from his neighbor who took out an ad in the local paper for his garage sale. Upon hearing the news, my grandpa dragged some of his own crap out on the driveway just to steal the walk-by traffic. This resulted in a feud because it turns out grandpa sold a bush trimmer that the same neighbor had lent him…

While in his car, my grandpa will only “lift” or “push” his turn signal while making a turn, if you “click” the lever, it may need replacing in 10 years…

In order to save electricity, my grandpa puts a cold water filled tea pot on top of the pilot light in his stove before going to bed. This way, he can wash his hair in the sink with warm water instead of heating the hot water tank to shower. On top of that, the tea pot he uses was purchased at a garage sale for a quarter and leaks so he puts the pot on a plate to collect the leaking water. The water that collects on the plate is used for his cup of tea in the morning and he only uses one tea bag a week…

My grandpa collects the water out of the faucet before it gets warm in Cool Whip containers so as to not waste water if he needs it hot. His kitchen is full of the containers and he doesn’t need to buy or use electricity to run a humidifier…

Seeing as I am a descendant of my grandpa, I can be cheap too. One time my mother offered me a free, used blender for my apartment. I declined. When she asked me why I wouldn’t want a free blender, I replied that I didn’t want to spend money on the things I’d need to put in the blender.

I’m going to put a different spin on this. Yes, I grew up in a family of 6 where we re-used aluminum foil, washed plastic bags, used old margarine tubs, etc., etc., and I’ve also done the pantyhose trick (cutting off the leg with the run and wearing two of them), and I can’t throw away a teabag unless I’ve gotten two cups of tea from it. What makes my family interesting is the creativity added to frugality.

For all my life, my father has drawn us birthday cards and my mother anniversary cards. He likes to draw, and we might get Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, or another cartoon character wishing us a Happy Birthday. I don’t believe my father has ever bought a card. There have been many years when I’ve made cards myself, inspired by my father, and so have my siblings.

We didn’t get fancy birthday cakes from the store. Instead, my mother would make two flat, round cakes. One would become the “head” of a cartoon character, and the other would be cut up into smaller pieces for ears, or a hat, or whatever was appropriate. She’d “glue” the pieces together with frosting, then cover the whole thing with chocolate frosting, giving my father a blank slate to draw on. He’d use colored frosting and create a Mickey Mouse cake, Donald Duck cake, Goofy cake, train cake, – whatever you wanted for your birthday cake, my parents figured out how to make it! Later, as an adult, I made a heart shaped “valentine” cake using the same technique – impressed my friends and spent very little.

One year my mother needed to come up with Easter dinner using only the food that was already in the house (not much). She defrosted ground beef from the freezer, added some rice and canned milk and made a meatloaf, formed with one large oval and a smaller oval, creating the body of an easter bunny. She covered it with mashed potatoes, and added an extra dollop of mashed potatoes at the opposite end of the large oval for the bunny’s tail. Then she cut a carrot in half to make ears, and used part of another carrot for whiskers, eyes, and nose. She put broccoli around him for “grass.” We loved this so much we asked her to make it year after year (even when my mother wanted to, and could afford to, cook a turkey or a ham instead).

On the wrapping paper front: we not only used the funny papers for wrapping (and often still do), but I came up with a way to make bows out of the funny papers, too, by folding, cutting, and twisting just so.

When my parents needed a new refrigerator, they saved the box it came in, cut out holes for “windows” and had us kids draw shutters and flowers on the outside. We had an instant playhouse.

One of the years when I was putting myself through graduate school, I put on a cabaret concert (I’m a singer) and sent out invitations to my friends and acquaintances, asking for donations to help with school. I raised $900 in one evening, enough for the tuition for two classes!

I went to a family reunion a few years back where the hostess actually dug the plastic sectioned party plates (not dishwasher safe) out of the trash and washed them in her kitchen sink – pastic silverware too. This seemed even cheaper when you considered we were in her probably 2 million home (filled with memenots from world travel) that overlooks an expensive mountain village and that their house was paid for in cash when the built it. . . unfortunately, this was a fairly distant relative so we don’t exactly benefit from their riches; but still that was odd.

My dad once drove us from Colorado to South Dakota over the summer. When a fan belt broke on our car, he pulled over, pulled out two milk jugs full of tap water to cool the engine, (it wasn’t enough) then produced a brand new fan belt from the back of the station wagon. He KNEW the fan belt would break, but he had to get every last mile from it. So we sat in the middle of WY in 90 degree heat waiting for the engine to cool down enough to switch the fan belt.

One time, in my mom’s Caravan, my dad replaced a broken piece of the steering column with a plastic drinking straw from McDonalds. It lasted 7 years (it actually outlived my dad). The mechanic that found it told my mom my dad had been a genious! I think he saved about $400 in parts doing that back in the early 90s. I miss my dad.

Oh, our basement bathroom floor was completely uneven because my dad used two completely different types of used tile that he bought at a garage sale to tile it. The side by the bathtub was almost a half inch higher than the side by the toilet – and the tile did NOT match.

My grandma would NEVER throw away a tin of any sort, she used those popcorn tins as waste paper baskets – inventive, but she had SERIOUSLY 27 of them in her tiny trailer house when she died last year. She would NOT let me get rid of them while she was alive.

When I was a kid we had one black and white tv that had picture and one black and white tv next to it that had sound. Later my other grandma lost sound on her big old fashioned console tv, so she put a cheap little tv on top of it and would turn them both on so she could watch the bigger screen but still hear it from the little one – so she had two tvs running at the same time.

Those grandparents had only one bathroom in their little house, but in the crawl space my grandfather had about 6 used toilets that he “collected” so he would always have one should theirs break – they lived in that house for over 30 years and the toilet never broke.

I can’t think of anything else right now – except that my husband cleaned out the 25 cent mouse traps when we had visitors in our first house. Fine if he wanted to do it, but if I had to find the dead mice myself, the whole trap would have gone in the trash.

Forgot one – about the lights – my husband has our 3 and 4 year olds trained. When I put my makeup on in the morning, my son walks in, turns off the light, and says, “Mommy, it’s daytime, you don’t need a lights on in the daytime.” They also close cabinet doors and drawers if I’m not fast enough.