Ask the Readers: What Can I Do If My Girlfriend Isn’t Serious About Money?
Published on - February 29th, 2008 (by J.D. Roth) In the Get Rich Slowly forums, DannyBoy has a question that I think many people face: “What can I do if my girlfriend isn’t serious about money?” He writes:
I’m the sort of person who essentially looks into every area of his life to save, start investing, and be smart about money as much as possible. Do you think that somebody like myself, who cares so much about where his money goes, can be happy with a girlfriend who doesn’t? Everything else between us is cool, fun, etc, But I don’t want the money issue to turn me off her.
We’re both young: I’m 19 and she’s 23. She says she doesn’t want to save for retirement because we could all die in a second, therefore it’s a waste of time and money to save if the worst should come around. I don’t really agree with this. I mean, chances are most of us will make it to retirement. (Unfortunately, some won’t.) How do you think I should handle the situation?
Should I talk to her again about how I feel towards this? Should I let it bother me? I’m into her, and I want to remain to be into her, but I don’t want something so simple as saving to get in the way of what could be. Should I grow out of it, get out of it, or just accept it?
It’s relationship questions like this that make money so complicated. What do you do when you’re in love with somebody, but you don’t see eye-to-eye on money? (Or any other issue, for that matter.)
The standard reply to a situation like DannyBoy’s is that this relationship probably won’t work in the long-term. If both partners are not on the same page financially, there’s trouble in the future.
On the other hand, Kris and I are proof that it’s possible to have a fantastic relationship despite initial differences. When we were married, Kris did all the right things with money. I did all the wrong things. (This is one of the reasons we maintained separate finances.) Eventually, I came around. Not everybody does.
Obviously, DannyBoy and his girlfriend are young yet. Is it too early for him to worry about money differences? Should he worry about them at all? Is there anything he can (or should) do to open his girlfriend’s eyes?
This article is about Ask the Readers, Relationships
SEARCH FOR RECENT ARTICLES
Looks like the key question to ask is this: is DannyBoy’s girlfriend open to changing her mindset about handling money? If she is even the tiniest bit willing to try out something different, then there’s hope.
loading....
Just wanted to chime in here. Don’t give up on teaching her about saving but take the cue to learn more about what she wants from life.
She has a point about not knowing what is around the corner, but lets take this one step further. It could be that she likes the excuse and uses it because it is convenient, after all, 20s are a great time to have fun and assume less responsibility. It could also be that she really buys into the excuse and will take you down a bumpy road before she thinks about the future and hitching hers to yours.
Talk to her about what she daydreams about and her to-do list. Perhaps you can point out that wanting to travel the world takes money. Everything takes money, even if you’re not going Dutch. How would she do that if her funding sources (like Bank-of-Parents/current job) suddenly vanished? They won’t be there for her retirement or maybe even tomorrow. Her own money is the most certain thing. A long life isn’t “the worst”.
You’re friends, right? So wanting to teach a friend how to save and plan for the future is a great thing. Even without the possible partnership aspect, look at it as a way to improve a close friend’s life.
loading....
I think DannyBoy is a little more mature financially speaking than his girlfriend is at this point and it should be a dealbreaker for their relationship if they can talk it out and come to a consensus. She’s right, there’s no insurance we’ll all make it to retirement age but statistically most of us will. We’re staying alive longer than ever (not counting Methuselah) and we’ve got to figure out how we’re going to pay for it. We can’t rely on Uncle Sam so that leads back to us. We need be responsible for ourselves.
loading....
I think their views on money are so far off that the chances of it working out are slim. For those who say it can work…consider how different your situation is from this couple – that can determine whether or not it works. If she thinks there’s no purpose to save for retirement, I say, run for the door. Let someone else support her in retirement…shoot, with her way of thinking, it’s going to be the Tax Payers of America.
With this being said, I agree with most other posters…odds are, due to their age, they won’t be together for ever. Yes, it works for some, but not for the majority.
loading....
I am in the exact same boat as comment #14 from Courtney. I run the whole financial side of my wife and my life. I give her money for ALL of her needs and make sure she has some money that has no strings attached to spend how she wants. Just like Courtney it doesn’t matter much to my wife how much it is just that she has freedom to spend without regret (these days it is $50 bi-weekly). She love the fact that one day we will be “rich” and that $50 could turn into $500 or $5000 because I’m managing the money well, but she just does not have the drive to do it herself.
For your situation, just keep your finances separate and do what makes you happy. Don’t make it a constant topic of discussion, but be open about how you use (or SAVE) your money. Let he see how the balance grows over time and talk about the activities and luxuries that can be made possible later in life by being smart with money now. It is very likely some of it will rub off as you two are together. She will see how saving hasn’t made you “miss out on life.”
If it does come time when you want to get married then you should probably get a prenuptial agreement in place and have a serious talk about how the money will be handled. Certainly take those steps before buying a house together and wait a couple years after that before starting a family. There should be no reason you can’t strike a balance in your lives that works for both of you.
loading....
The term “girlfriend” reveals two important facts: first, that they’re not married, and second, that he has not proposed marriage.
If you’re dating, and you enjoy each other’s company, who cares about philosophical differences.
But in terms of marriage (ie, a legal contract under which one person’s poor financial choices can adversely affect the other) he should absolutely not even consider marrying anyone who does not see eye-to-eye with him on this topic.
Dating is supposed to be the process by which we find the person with whom we are compatible for something more. He’s dating. She’s apparently not compatible.
DannyBoy’s real issue here is that she’s *close*, and rather than keep looking for someone that fits, he’s growing attached to someone that does not and trying to shoe-horn her into the role.
Man up, DannyBoy. You’ve got a long life ahead of you. Keep it casual with this girl, and keep looking for the right one.
loading....
This doesn’t sound like a financial problem so much as a maturity problem–she wants to be young and crazy and not care about tomorrow, he wants to be sensible and plan stuff. Since she’s older than he is… well, she might grow out of it, but I don’t think it’s usually a good thing to bet on… I’ve seen very bad things come out of those gambles.
loading....
Sorry if someone covered this already, way too many comments to read at work.
This immediately made me think of the global warming video I just saw that uses a grid to make decisions. The columns would be “Save” “Don’t Save” and rows would be “Die Young” “Live to be old”. Then write in each of the four boxes the results, you can’t control the rows, but you can control the columns. Pick the column that avoids the worst possible combination. Which I would think would be living to be old and not saving, but maybe not, I guess it depends on the person’s priorities and what they consider “worst”.
Also, he could use this method for deciding what to do if she doesn’t see eye to eye with him. The columns would be stay and go, and the rows would be she changes and she doesn’t.
loading....
There are very many retired people who struggle to make ends meet because they failed to plan. Or people who end up in state subsidized homes because they can’t afford medical care. Maybe opening her eyes to how difficult it is to be on a fixed income later in life will change her feelings.
Tell her that saving $5000/yr for the next 10 years will be worth $115,000/yr in income for 25 years in retirement. That just might do it.
loading....
I’m not a materialistic person so I have always had trouble with someone who expects to be showered with nice gifts.
I am sorry, but I really have a problem with this comment. Nowhere in the post does the author (or boyfriend) indicate that the girlfriend is materialistic and expects to be showered with gifts. This is a truly negative stereotype about women and one that is portrayed in credit card commercials, “news” articles, etc. Just because someone is irresponsible with their own finances does *not* mean they are golddiggers or materialistic!
That said (sorry…it was really bothering me b/c I see similar stuff on other finance sites I read), I think it’s wonderful that this man is thinking about things so early on.
I am now 29 and believe you me, just out of college, I was extremely irresponsible. Not massive CC debt or not making ends meet or anything, but just didn’t save like I wish I had b/c my expenses were a lot lower!
I think that communication is key. People can and do change their ways of thinking about such matters, and you are *both* young. A lot of people your age and your girlfriend’s age don’t come around to a more responsible way of thinking for a few years time (and some NEVER DO!)
My best advice would be: don’t nag her about it. Don’t pressure her. Try to find some blogs by younger people about finances who may currently be in or have been in the same sort of situation. Send those to her every now and again. I think it’s probably a bit early on for couples therapy or whatever, but it is something to consider if you’re planning on marriage.
DO NOT enter into any sort of financial commitment with her, though. Do not get an apartment together. Do not get a joint account. Don’t buy a car together. If those are things you both would want to do, make it abundantly clear that you won’t until she begins budgeting and sticking to it, and allocates money to paying off consumer debt and to saving. Don’t try to force her into it – baby steps are fine! Even if you are panicking and thinking “you aren’t saving enough!” you are both young and let her take it a step at a time. First, work on eliminating any debt in conjuction with accruing a modest savings. If she can do that, she will eventually come around to retirement savings, too.
Good luck!
loading....
When people say to me “Why should I save when I might not even make it to retirement. What if I’m hit by a bus…”
I then ask “What if you DO make it to retirement?”
loading....
I think people would be able to think more clearly about retirement if we didn’t call it “retirement”, as if it’s some product you consume when you reach a certain age. Instead of “saving for retirement”, we could say “saving for the future.”
Retirement is simply financial freedom, or being able to live without having to work, either because you can’t work or because you don’t want to.
I think that may be one thing that is obstructing her from thinking reasonably about her future. It may be indicative of other immature traits, or maybe just a radical world view, but I wouldn’t want to speculate too much without knowing her. The relationship may work, but maybe not.
loading....
Oh, although they are young, it’s not too early to think about their perspectives on money. If I thought someone was my soul mate I wouldn’t reject her because she doesn’t follow a frugal lifestyle, but it’s one thing I would definitely consider at the beginning of a relationship.
Also, it’s best not to get too attached, only to have to deal with big problems (money, politics, religion) later on.
loading....
The best thing he can do is be an example. I grew up with terrible examples of money management from my parents; my husband grew up with excellent ones. For many reasons I’m grateful he’s in my life, and one of the big ones is that I have skills I never thought possible in that area.
That said, it’s also possible that the two of them are in different life stages that make it difficult to see eye to eye on these matters.
loading....
Dan, do this.
Put her out of your mind for a while and go some place quiet without distractions.
Think about the kind of woman you would like as your future wife and mother of your children. Write down every quality that comes to mind that you would like your future wife to have – values, personality, experiences, mindset, etc.
Then ask yourself, does your current girlfriend fit this picture?
loading....
“Another problem is when your lover expects gifts all the time.”
This is a much bigger problem, I think. There are a number of ways to work around different philosophies about money, the simplest being to keep your finances separate.
There’s not much you can do except end the relationship if you’re frugal and she expects expensive, non-utilitarian presents on major holidays. She’ll feel you don’t care about her if you don’t spend enough, and you’ll feel you’re squandering money if you do. There is no win-win scenario.
I had a friend who broke up with her boyfriend because he refused to buy her a diamond for their one-year anniversary. He was a janitor and she worked at a hotel, so this was far from a trivial request. And furthermore, she had no intention of spending a similar amount on him. I just had to shake my head when she was telling me.
loading....
Wow. I never understand why people think they will die before retirement. I actually think the exact opposite. While I agree you could get hit by a bus one day, my family history has very long life spans. And medical science is improving every day. My great grandmother lived from 1899-2003. That’s 104 years old. When she was born in 1899 people lived to be something like 40 maybe even 50. She lived twice that. So if anything I’m worried what if I live for 200 hundred years? Or if they can download your brain in a robot and live forever. That’s why my retirement plan is to save enough to live off the interest. My wife is with me, but I think she’s a little doubtful of the live to 200 thing.
loading....
if she isn’t serious about money and jokes about retirement, have the ‘ol boy take a look at the girl’s indebtedness as far as non-student loan debt. how much she owes on credit and how she spends will tell volumes about what kind of a person she is with her finances. ‘ol girl probably burns through money AND spends credit faster than ‘ol Georgie Bush dealt away our national surplus like it was a game of monopoly!
loading....
I can relate to the girlfriend 100% because her attitude was my attitude. Her attitude has been my attitude for the past two decades and, while I do have something to show for it, my credit score is shot due to constant late LATE payments and a laissez faire attitude. I have no savings and my partner has no savings because I have spent all the money. I am finally getting with the program because I am about to lose everything, so Dannyboy can take a look at me and ask himself if he has the guts to stick it out for the long haul in this relationship? As in, decades.
loading....
“Tell her that saving $5000/yr for the next 10 years will be worth $115,000/yr in income for 25 years in retirement. That just might do it.”
Are you serious? How do you figure that? What investment vehicles would you be using?
loading....
“She says she doesn’t want to save for retirement because we could all die in a second, therefore it’s a waste of time and money to save if the worst should come around.”
That is a lousy attitude to have. If that’s the case, why do anything? Why cross the street? You could be hit by a car. Why practice any sport/skill? You could die tomorrow and that time would be wasted.
What you need to do, is have her read a book like the Automatic Millionaire that shows what saving and compound interest can do.
loading....
My guess is that she still has some growing up to do, and when she feels more mature, she will start paying attention to this stuff. My opinion is to not bother her about it or it might make it worse. Proceed with business as usual on the guy’s side, and perhaps she’ll see some positives and start thinking more about her future.
It takes people a while. I did not start thinking about things like retirement until this year, now that I actually have money, and I’m 26. My little sister is just about 22, dropped out of college, and only just now is mature enough to land a decent job where she can support herself.
Good luck.
loading....
I am in a similar situation, but ultimately you need to find the balance. The worse thing you can do is nag or talk over and over about her spending habits.
I like to used examples like credit card debt with my gf. I tell her the interest you pay is probably close to about 2-3 weeks working for someone else. That is a one or two of nice jeans or shoes that you giving away every year. And she picks up on these things. After 2 years, her credit card debt is nearly gone and now she is saving,she may not be investing but least she is not creating debt.
My girl is changing to be more money conscious but still she have her splurges but she is changing. Patience, cant happen overnight, all about nurturing and influencing.
Norm
loading....
Communication is the key. If couples don’t talk about what the expect from each other, they are doomed.
This sounds trivially obvious but it’s actually deep and dangerous territory. Our spending habits are hugely linked to parental example. What else is? A relationship, and how we interact with our partners.
It’s for this reason I think that money worries and relationship worries so often intersect (okay, and because not having money isn’t much fun!).
What should DannyBoy do? Talk – and listen. Don’t expect changes for a good while, and don’t preach.
loading....
Run Forest Run oh I mean DannyBoy.
loading....
I have to say I’m in the same boat, though a bit older. It’s sad (and perhaps a bit offensive) to say, but my girlfriend is from a different ‘class’ than me, and in her much harder life than mine, she’s had to struggle with bad relationships and with little hope for the future. As such, she’s a bit older than me, and has no money. No savings, no 401k, and limited education because she didn’t see the point.
I, on the other hand, came from safe middle class family and have operated since birth under the positive guise that we can better ourselves if we try hard and get a proper education, and it’s mostly come true.
My hope, and I’d like to think it will work out, is that she will gain hope for the future with me and see the value in savings and education. The things that make me feel this way are that (in no particular order)
1. she has no money, but she doesn’t have negative money, so that’s good.
2. i can be a positive and safe influence in her life
3. I can help her fill out loan apps to get her more education, which will lead to a better job.
4. she doesn’t engage in dangerous activites that i’ll have to get her to drop (ie no drug use, no hobbies that when caught involve jail time, etc)
5. I love her very much, so i think she’s worth the effort.
6. she is gainfully employed and spends every cent she makes (mostly on things she doesn’t need), but mostly lives within her means.
So with all these factors combined, i think it’s a fair bet. if any of those factors weren’t working out in my favor, then maybe i’d reconsider. would it be easier (and fiscally advantageous) for me to marry within my class? Yes, but we don’t really get to choose who we are attracted to, do we?!
Anyways and back to the point, i’d say build out your list of the reasons you can help your SO with their less than fiscally sound ways, and then do your best to help them.
loading....
[...] totally financially irresponsible, and my answer boiled down to: don’t. But what about a partner who just doesn’t agree with you about budgeting and saving? This person gets that bills need to be paid on time, but thinks when you get a windfall, you [...]
loading....
[...] Get Rich Slowly asks his readers what we can do if our girlfriends isn’t serious about money! [...]
loading....
Wow! This is a tough subject. But
it’s one that shouldn’t be
overlooked.
You should keep your finances
separate but, this doesn’t prevent
trouble from happening. Odds are
she’ll get herself into financial
trouble and talk you into bailing
her out of it. So, you still
loose.
To help prevent that, you need to
make sure she never knows how much
you make or how much you have
saved. NEVER. At least not until
she changes her attitude toward
finances.
loading....
Kick her ass to the curb.
loading....
I don’t like to give advice based on my personal experiences, as we all have different situations, but they are what they are.
When I was 19 I also had a 23 year old GF. We had completely different beliefs on just about everything. It went a lot further than differing future time orientations. We were really together for other reasons, and I’ll let you imagine what those were.
However, at the time I really thought we would get married and things would work out. At some point I never saw any other possibility.
In retrospect I should have known things would not end well. Perhaps now I am a bit cynical and I cannot imagine ANY young relationship with such disagreements endup working out. I hate to say it, but these situations are usually doomed to the “starter relationship” pile.
FWIW I am now married. I disagree with my wife about some of the same things. But I guess there is just an understanding and a level of maturity and responsibility at this stage where we are able to deal with differences and not really have it affect us. It has probably helped that I have grown to be a better listener and more open minded.
It might be too early to worry about these things ( I would also say Dude, dont get married until you are at least 50..okay maybe 25)and things might just work out naturally. It might become an issue or might not. In the meantime keep separate finances and I guess come to an understanding and decide whether to accept your differences.
loading....
I would be extremely careful if I were you.
On the one hand people are saying something that sounds quite reasonable, but is in real life almost impossible to do : keep your finances separate. I’ve never seen this work when the male made more money, only when the female did. Look around – women are very pragmatic and almost always marry up. Men are programmed to treat women as equals except when it comes to money. So while I’m sure people mean well when they say this, I seriously doubt you will be able to do it. But I could be wrong. IF you can keep your finances separate then I’d agree that you can see where the relationship will go. She might be lots of fun and a good complement for you, you two might even find yourselves moving closer to one another’s viewpoint.
IF that doesn’t happen, and if you guys decide you want to get married, I would DEFINITELY go to marriage enounter counseling (whatever they call it) where you meet with someone who asks you questions about tough real issues and how you both will handle them when, not if, they come up. I’ve seen cases where people come away from the counseling completely sure they had found ‘the one’ to marry, and cases where people were extremely relieved knowing that they had just narrowly avoided making the biggest mistake of their life.
You are right to be concerned about this issue, good for you for recognizing it and looking for more information. If you keep following your gut and don’t compromise what you truly believe in I think you’ll do fine.
Best,
Mike
loading....
I agree with those that point out that she probably doesn’t want to think about retirement because it seems so far off, like something to deal with later.
As their relationship matures, and their life plans are discussed, their are other issues that will come up long before retirement:
Whether or not she beleives that she will live long enough to retire in 40 to 50 years, I’d bet she expects to have children in the less far off future, within 10 years or so, and she may hope to stay home with them for some period of time. This is, in essence, a mini-retirement. Savings in hand will make it more pleasant, and can make up for the earnings hole of those few years. Having saved beforehand means you can buy a large enough house and vehicle beforehand, means you can choose what nifty items you want, rather than be subject to the whims and preferences of family gifts and hand me downs*. Means you can NOT WORK for 1, 2, 5 years.
And, following that realization should be the one that, if she has children and does not live to retirement age, would she want savings and investments for the childrens sake?
*hopefully, by the time the issue is pertinent, she will have learned to appreciate the savings to be found in the whims of family gifts and hand me downs. But cross that bridge later!
loading....
My fiance and I are both 23, and although neither of us is TERRIBLE at managing money, we have very different ideas of what to spend it on. He buys the cheapest groceries and most expensive technology, and I’d rather have quality wine with our meals and no flat-screen tv. It would not have been appropriate to argue about it while we were just dating, but now that we’re committed to each other it’s important. So this is what we’ve decided:
We’re going to have separate accounts plus a joint account. A certain percentage of each of our salaries goes automatically into the joint account for shared expenses (we’ll have to make a budget to work out what percentage), and another percentage goes into joint savings for a house deposit, retirement, emergencies or kids’ education. The remaining disposable income stays in our separate accounts, and we can choose to spend it on whatever we like or save it separately. That way I can’t complain if what he’s spending is not my money, and vice-versa (it works because we’re both graduating as professionals and will make a similar amount of money, but if one spouse makes significantly more than the other a different compromise might be needed). We may have to re-think in the (distant! distant!) future when I’m on maternity leave. I guess while he’s earning all the money he’ll have more say in how the disposable portion gets spent.
I don’t think it’s necessary or appropriate to argue about money while you’re just dating, but if you’re thinking of committing to one another you will need to reach consensus. With as differing views as yours, I’d recommend getting a marriage or money counsellor to act as a mediator. But until that time, all you can do is scold, and all she can do is try to loosen you up a bit.
loading....
I feel for you, Danny Boy.
I’m in the same situation… except I’m 26 and she’s 23, and we live together. Every week I get lectured about how we’re not having as much fun as we could be, and we’ve never been to India, and there’s no time to travel if you have a 9 to 5 job. I’ve been leaving newspapers and magazines around the house open on stories about economic recession, job loss, misery indexes, inflation– to see if they will act as subliminal messages, and impact her psyche. I try talking about it. She thinks I’m paranoid, or old. I also get the “what if we die tomorrow” answer.
loading....
#85, pasta a fagioli,
I’d figure out a vacation you _are_ willing to go on, however large or small that is – when you are entirely honest with yourself, then ask her to plan the trip in its entirety – including all of the budgeting. When she has all the planning completed, review it, and only after you’ve approved it – tell her you’ll be happy to go when he has half the money for the trip which she has just budgeted.
If she grumbles I’d either go to counseling or leave her. These kinds of problems only get worse, it’s probably the biggest cause for divorce, and you’ve probably noticed that there is absolutely no way you can win this argument. If you’re too lacking in vision, imagination, or aren’t adventurous enough for her maybe she’d be happier with more of a vagabond free-spirit type.
If you’re really attached to her you might consider reading ‘The Four Hour Workweek’ and seeing if you can work while you travel. Not many people can, but it might be an option for you.
Good Luck Bro!
loading....
I like Mike@86′s suggestion, about her planning, budgeting, and SAVING half the money for a vacation together. That’s a creative, painless introduction into a different way of thinking.
I think it’s very possible for her to change, especially with someone as sensible as you to work with, DannyBoy. It is painfully true that some people just don’t change. I’m sorry to say that Hydes Like Us and I had similar stories and similar problems, and that, in the end, it was a large part of what cost my husband our marriage. I married very young; I’d met him when I was a teenager and married when I was just out of my teens. The kicker is that he’s about twenty years OLDER than I am, and NOT a money manager, not a saver. I was a kid who didn’t know much – scratch that, I didn’t know ANYTHING – doing the best I could, with a husband who wanted toys, and changed his mind weekly about the toys he wanted most. I broke my 401K three times to get us out of debt, and after years of working hard, currently have NOTHING to show for it. He, on the other hand, was spiteful about the house I gave him – yes, the house that I gave him, bought and paid for without a penny of his – and he was bitchy because the house … needed some work. It was good enough to live in when I was paying for everything, but apparently I should have given him a better house. (I was well-trained at that point to think I was responsible for taking care of him, which is why I gave him the house. And the car. Which I was still paying off at the time.) He wasn’t interested in saving for the future; he had a wife who was 20 years younger than he was, who has taking care of him, and by the time I was ready to retire, he’d probably be dead, so why should he worry about whether there was anything for ME to retire on?
So it depends on the underlying causes prompting DannyBoy’s girlfriend’s attitude. Is she selfish and indifferent? Or is she afraid of growing old, and is that what she associates with “retirement”? I know I’d be in a better position today if my partner had been more like DannyBoy. If he can convince her that what’s being saved for is their FREEDOM together, rather than a doddering old age, she may look at it in an entirely different light. If she can see the value of being able to spend their time as they want in their 40s onward because of wise choices made now, there’s considerable hope for their relationship. If she’s otherwise irresponsible – late payments, bad credit, irresponsible driving, etc., as posted above (reflecting the “we could die TOMORROW!” attitude) – the relationship is better as a friendship, nothing more — and NO shared debts!
loading....
After 46 years of marriage and four children with someone like this, I have finally filed for divorce.
I know I am most likely older than anybody writing here, so I think I can safely say that I know where I am coming from. I’d give the person a chance and a certain amount of time to get their act together. If they can’t, forget them. Do it before you have a bunch of kids to support and raise.
Believe me, it gets harder, not better, as far as I can see, 90% of the time. In case you don’t know, your best efforts at birth control can fail abysmally.
loading....
Do what I did, say, “You’re better at some things, I’m better at others”, so since your always helping me _________, I’m willing to help you, so WE can build our future together:)
It really works, you learn, she will learn, you will see if she is serious about you and the relainship???
loading....
You have to ask yourself do I want the other person to change? If so, than how are you really able to love that person for who they are instead of what you want them to be. I was in the same situation with a two year relationship. I love him dearly, but he is happy working a part time job, living simply, not going into debt and not saving. I would rather work two jobs and save for the future. I know that because I want him to change and save for the future I am trying to change him. But changing him would make him a different person. I had to end it. It is hard, trust me. But I know after the heart heals my future self will thank me.
loading....