That will stop the damage and also hold them accountable in a way that will also benefit you financially, because they would be paying interest to you instead of to the bank.

Sending them to jail might teach them a lesson, but there are other ways for lessons to be learned and personal responsibility instilled. Plus, sitting in jail would prevent them from earning the income necessary to repay the debt and also cost tax-payers money.

Again, what they did was not OK, but people without the financial stability that you and your wife enjoy are naturally more tempted when the opportunity to commit a “white collar” crime presents itself in the form of an unsolicited credit card offer.

Yes, you earned the stability and good credit you have, and they did not.

But just for a moment, imagine yourself as someone working but struggling, basically law abiding and non-violent…someone who doesn’t rob banks or snatch purses or shoplift or burlarize anyone’s home or go around looking for anyone’s indentiy to steal.

Then one day, you open the mail, and there it is. You know that the intended recipient doesn’t need that line of credit, but even though you’re not destitute or lacking in basic needs, you could really use it.

So, you know it’s wrong, but you rationalize it by telling yourself that you’ll be responsible with it and keep up the payments so that it doesn’t hurt the person whose you name you put on the account. So, you accept the offer, getting a card your own name as an authorized user, and then have some fun with it.

But, instead of maxing it out and leaving the country without ever repaying it, you continue living in the same town, working at the same job, participating in family and community life and making payments on the account. Until you get caught, of course.

I’m speaking from experience here, because I once did the same thing your wife’s relatives did. The victim was my fiancially comfortable mother. I do feel shame and regret for my actions and have not repeated them. I also paid her back and am very grateful that she gave me the opportunity to do so, rather than calling the police and pressing charges.

In today’s world, credit and wealth are precious commodities, and when you have worked hard to earn them, of course you want to protect them. And nobody else, family or not, has the right to just help themselves. But…it happens, and not always with malicious intentions.

Please look at the big picture. If you and your wife are OK, and you don’t feel that her relatives are out to intentionally hurt you, let them know that what they did was not OK, you won’t tolerate a repeat performance of it, and they have to repay the debt. But please focus more on your family relationships and the well-being of everyone involved before you exercise your legal rights.

Fortunately, as a young college student I didn’t have a credit card she could charge 17,000 dollers on, tho in the space of 6 months she managed to get my limit nearly tripled and maxxed the thing out.

For the sake of “family” I would not press charges, but just begged and begged the credit card company to help me out, I ended up cutting a deal to pay off only a portion of the account, and dealing with bad credit for several years.

A few years later, said sister was of course doing the SAME THING again, only this time she included someone who wasn’t related to her in her group of scams and got CAUGHT. She ended up doing jail time (she was doing more with stolen IDs and checks at this point than she had been doing earlier) and her daughter (now 15) will have nothing to do with her.

I wish now that I had pressed charges the first time. She would have been caught and punished, but it wouldn’t have been as bad a situation as she get herself in later. Also, helping out her daughter would have been much easier then than it was the second time around – back when she was younger there were several people who were willing to take her in, but after living with her mom and sadly learning a lot of her worse habits the family is frankly scared to take her in (she’s accused guys falsely of molestation… no one in the family will put their husband at risk with her now).

TURN THEM IN. It will only get worse in the future if it is not nipped in the bud, NOW.

THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY HAS DENIED MY CLAIM SIMPLY BECAUSE DAUGHTER SAID THAT I KNEW. THE POLICE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING EITHER – WOULD APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE – DON’T HAVE ANY PROBLEM PRESSING CHARGES – DO YOU THINK THAT IS THE PROBLEM THAT I HAVE JUST FILED A REPORT AND NOT PRESSED CHARGES YET – I CAN’T BELIEVE THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY DENID ME – NO CHARGES WERE EVER SENT TO MY ADDRESS AND I LIVE IN A DIFFERENT CITY THAN SHE DOES. I NEED HELP.

I’d let the creditors know the true situation, give them the correct name and address of the borrowers, and then they could freeze the cards and deal with getting the debts paid back. Effectively it’d be like the debtors had gotten a loan under their own identities.
No need to get personally involved in ensuring the debt is repaid.

1. Put the fear of God into them by ranting/threatening them to the maximum that the social norms for your family will allow.

2. Rather than follow through on above mentioned threats, make the arrangement more official by dragging them into a local credit union and have them apply for a consolidation loan in their name and co-signing to help them out on qualifying.

This does 2 important things. One, it takes them off revolving credit in your name! That way they can’t wrack up more. The second is that paper reflects the reality. You are helping family get the means to get a handle on their debt, but it is their debt and your goodwill.

As I said, unsatisfying, but functional.

Last Year, I was taking steps to consolidate private student debt to a lower rate. I had always had very good credit, so I saw no reason this couldn’t happen. When the analyst on the other side of the phone told me I couldn’t qualify, I was shocked. A few days later, I began receiving calls from a collection agency saying I owed over $20K on a credit card that I didn’t recognize. It turned out that my older brother had opened the account over a year ago, and ran up so much debt that he couldn’t pay anymore. Not only did he open an account in my name, but he ran up almost as much debt in a card under my retired mother’s name.

The best I can do is tell you how the two of us have handled the situation and let you decide for yourself what to do. At first, we tried to make my brother admit his crime to the debt collectors, and have him assume the debt. when that didn’t work, I followed the instructions given to me here:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/idtheft/

It took a few months, but the creditors admitted their mistake and have cleared me of all responsibility. Also, the police have closed their case due to lack of cooperation from the credit card company, so my brother got lucky.

My mother, however, refused to file a police report against my brother. Her case is now in legal action, and he has had to retain an attorney. Additionally, due to her destroyed credit, she has had to change banks and com out of retirement. While I and my other siblings help with money as much as we can, she can no longer enjoy retirement, and I think the stress is affecting her health.

Personally, I’d protect yourself and file the complaint. This was done against you through no fault of your own. You deserve to keep what you’ve worked for.

If the prospect of reporting these crooks pains Southern Gent and Mrs. S.G., as it undoubtedly does, they need to get themselves some psychological therapy to help them deal with it.

The more you indulge people like this, the more they walk all over you. I speak from experience.

The S.G.’s should consider the possibility that if they DON’T report Mom and Sis and just let this float along, they themselves are defrauding the lenders. They become accessories to the crime, and a crime it is. We might use the word “felony.” They’re putting themselves at risk of criminal prosecution and a civil suit if they do not take prompt action.

Those two women are not going to come up with $17,000 in the near future (if they could, they wouldn’t have to hustle up three fraudulent credit cards).

Right now, today, the S.G.’s need to call the credit card issuers on the telephone, report what has happened, and have those accounts closed. The two “ladies” should be given an opportunity to mooch or steal 17 grand from someone else and use it to pay off the debts immediately. If they can’t come up with the cash, then the credit card companies and the S.G.’s should and must report this to the police. And press charges.

If they let this one go by, it’ll be one new antic after another, stretching into the future, forever and ever, world without end, amen!

And the four-year-old will continue to be used as a pawn to manipulate Mr. & Mrs. S.G. That’s what these people have kids for.

That said, take the physical cards away and contact the credit card companies to make sure the address and contact information is corrected. Otherwise, you could close the account and continue payments, hopefully with the cooperation of the mom and sister. Then, put a freeze on your credit (and SouthernGent’s, if needed) so credit can’t be extended without unfreezing it and watch your credit reports and score for anything odd. Besides that, I’d say never make money an issue of discussion with them again. That is, don’t ask for or lend them money because you will get burned again. You can’t stop some behavior, but you can prevent it.

Sometimes, you have to work hard to keep the peace in the family while not endangering yourself.

Confucius says “Opinions breed ignorance but examination of the facts breeds enlightenment”

I was in a situation similar to this once. I am not going to get into it but the other family member and I,had I not taken action could have ended up in severe trouble.

Look at the facts.

1 The people who stole are thieves.
2 If ,now that you know, you do nothing you
are condoning stealing and under the legal
system you may be held as accountable as
they are.
3 These people whom you know that did this
have made a statement.
4 It is up to you to respond to that
statement.
5 If you do nothing then you are just like
them by ‘omission’
6 Stand up and be counted. Tell them to pay
the debt by 7 days.
7 If they default get the legal advice and
follow through.

By the way the relationship is F***** and you did not F*** it these people did. The fraud itself is the worst thing take it from one who knows. Fraud is the misrepresentation of a fact with knowledge of its falsehood or recklessly without belief in its truth thereby causing and third party to act on the false fact as if it is true or actually inducing them to act on it.

LOOK AT THAT WORD RECKLESS AND THINK AM I BEING RECKLESS IN NOT RESPONDING TO THIS IN THE CORRECT MANNER?

IF IT CAN BE SHOWN THAT YOU BY NOT ACTING ARE BEING RECKLESS THEN YOU HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM THAN THE RELATIONSHIP BREACH AND YOU MAY BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE ENTIRE FALLOUT.

JOHN

It is critical you close the accounts and put a fraud alert on your files to prevent future abuses. You absolutely can’t let them have the credit cards. If their credit is so poor they need to steal your identity, they will default. You then will either pay the debt or be pursued by creditors. It will trash your credit. It will also destroy your relationship with your family, not just the mom/sister but everyone.

And this all needs to be done immediately. If you delay, you will be responsible and your legal position diminished.

This is a bad situation but needs to be addressed immediately, directly, and bluntly. What I’ve advised people to do in similar cases is:

1. Talk to an atty. Laws vary from state to state. You may need to file a police report or become liable for the debt.
2. Give your wife’s mom and sister two weeks to close the accounts. Let them know if they don’t you will be forced to file a police report. Put the responsibility back on them.
3. Talk to the credit card companies and let them know you want to close the accounts and set up a payment plan for your wife’s mom and sister.
4. Be prepared to deal with a lot of flack for being so tough. Stand your ground and put the onus back on them. THEY violated the law. THEY put you in a bad position. YOU are working with them to avoid legal action.
5. Be ready to be the bad guy. You have to stand firm. You may need to walk away from your family for a while. Yes, I just said this. It is just that important.

This sounds harsh. Remember, you are the loving family member trying to solve the problem. While the actions are firm, you can phrase it in a way that shows your love and support.

After reading all the posts about “the relationship” I say forget that. This person had already destroyed it.

This person had gotten away with theft for their entire life, stealing from my parents, their in-laws, their in laws friends, multiple employers AND NO ONE EVER PROSECUTED. All for “the relationship.”

I was the first person in this thief’s life that made them face the consequences of their actions.

No regrets here. Forgiveness? Yes. Allowing someone to screw ME..forget that.

http://www.thewisdomjournal.com/Blog/my-identity-was-stolen/

Not as a punishment, but a lot of bad things happen to kids in the official foster care system, and far too many children wind up given away to strangers because their own families will not step in and take responsibility for them. That is tragic. Southern Gent and his wife have a tremendous opportunity here to help make something good out of something very bad.

But… yeah. Definitely report it. It is the hardest thing they will ever have to do. I reported my then-husband for breaking and entering and grand larceny, both felonies in the state in which we lived at the time. It was gut-wrenching. But there was nothing else I could do. My heart goes out to Southern and Mrs. Gent.

@Kate — If a family member stole my identity, I would have to say our relationship would already have “permanent damage”.

I can only imagine how hard this situation must be. My immediate thought was REPORT IT. And after reading all the comments and thinking about it for awhile, I still think they should report it.

There are many repayment/restitution options offered by many other commenters (all good ideas, AFTER you report it), but there is really no way to protect your credit unless you report it. Unless you happen to have 17K lying around to pay it off yourself. But then you get into the situation of if they’ll pay you back like they promised…probably not. Almost certainly not. And then you’re right back where you started, deciding whether or not to involve the police. Just bite the bullet. Regardless of what other family members may think, you are not at fault here, in any way. THEY stole your wife’s identity, THEY opened the cards in her name, THEY ran up the debt. The time has come for them to reap what they sowed.