My mother is in the hospital. Her health, which had been deteriorating lately, took a turn for the worse over the weekend. On Tuesday, she was admitted to a local hospital, where she’s likely to remain for a week (or more).
My brothers and I have been sorting through mom’s financial documents, trying to piece together a complete picture. It’s difficult. If she had used Quicken, the job would be relatively easy, but she’s Old School, and does everything by hand.
We’ve begun to realize there are a lot of unanswered questions.
- What are mom’s finances like? How much does she owe and to whom? How much has she saved? Fortunately, we’ve been able to answer this to some degree. She does have some savings (though we’re unsure if it will be enough to cover her medical expenses), and she receives regular “passive income” from the box factory.
- What is her health insurance like? Mom is covered through the family business, and has the same health insurance as the employees. We know how this works for routine things, but what is it like for extended hospital stays? We need to find out.
- How will she live in the future? Will she need live-in care? Will she need to move in with one of the family? This is a huge question, and one that we’ll be wrestling with over the coming months.
- What preparations need to be made in the case of mom’s death or incapacitation? The time to create a will or to draft a power of attorney is before a problem occurs, not after. We see that now.
As I ferried mom from doctor to hospital on Tuesday, these questions never entered my mind. I was focused on her health, on getting her help. In situations like this, money is not an issue.
But we all know that money is an issue eventually. The vagaries of mom’s insurance and her savings will have a huge impact, not just on her but on the entire family. This is a financial puzzle that we must all work together to solve.
Ironically, it was my father who seems to have planned the best for this situation. As he was dying from cancer in 1995, he explained his vision for the box factory. “I’m leaving the business to provide for all of you,” he said. “It’s going to give jobs to you boys, but it’s going to to be even more valuable for your mother. She doesn’t have any retirement savings. This is her retirement.”
Mom will survive this crisis, and we’ll move into the murky future. Obviously, her recovery is my primary focus right now. Get Rich Slowly is important, but family more so. I am distracted (and have been for the past week).
Starting Sunday, a number of great writers will be stepping to the plate to pinch hit for me. I’ll be back full time as soon as possible.
GRS is committed to helping our readers save and achieve your financial goals.Savings interest rates may be low, but that’s all the more reason to shop for the best rate.Find the highest savings interest rate from Ally Bank, Capital One 360, Everbank, and more.
This article is about Health & Fitness, Insurance, Planning, Real-Life, Relationships
Disclaimer: This content is not provided or commissioned by American Express. Opinions expressed here are author's alone, not those of American Express, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by American Express. This site may be compensated through American Express Affiliate Program.
Discover is a paid advertiser of this site. Reasonable efforts are made to maintain accurate information. See the Discover online credit card application for full terms and conditions on offers and rewards.
SEARCH FOR RECENT ARTICLES
I am very sad to hear about your mother and it’s very important that you be with her. I mentioned when we met in San Francisco that I had changed a lot of my blogging focus due to health issues with my wife so I know that this is a stressful and difficult time.
It’s sad to say, but one of the reasons I’m in Japan is due to healthcare costs. There are other circumstances as well, but that is definitely a major one. After living in several countries that provide universal health care, it really is a disappointment the way the US healthcare system is run and that the cost of healthcare should even be a concern in a situation like this. I could go on a long rant about this, but will save that for later.
I hope that you are able to take the time you need to be with her and that everything works out as well as it can. Take the time you need to go through those issues and find the best answers for them. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help.
loading....
J.D.–I’m sorry to hear of your mother’s deteriorating health. My mom is also facing some health issues, and while we focus on her health and getting her from one milestone to the next, it is difficult not to address financial repercussions.
Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers in the coming days. I think I speak for most of your readers when I say take whatever time you need to care for your family–we’ll be here waiting when you get back!
loading....
I really wish the best for a speedy recovery for your Mother and for time for your family to support her. Your willingness to disclose the financial impact of such personal situations is one of the reasons that I read your blog so faithfully.
While it is not health-related, I am facing some decisions about how to help my parents out of a possible foreclosure. For my parents, it’s embarrassing to admit to their children that they are facing financial difficulties and accept help. For me, it’s a bit scary to admit that I’m in a position to care for my parents.
loading....
Thoughts go out to you and your family. I hope all goes well with your mom.
My husband and I both have wills, written for us by my dad, the attorney, who ironically enough has not updated his and my mom’s since before I was born. I think a lot of the disorganization and procrastination stems from a refusal to contemplate the inevitable. At least with my dad.
Good luck to you.
loading....
I do hope your mother gets better. Remember to take care of yourselves too.
loading....
I hope all your mother recovers quickly.
Your post makes me think about what steps should be done to keep a record of what assets and bills a person has.
I use Quicken, but it’s password protected and it’s on my password protected laptop. Even if a person could access Quicken, I’m not entirely sure that all of the account numbers and passwords he or she would need would be listed there.
Also, I pay most of my bills online and usually pay them (after receiving an emailed bill) by going to each utility or billing company’s website, logging in and authorizing the payment from my bank.
I’m the only person that knows my email login information and the login information for the websites where I go to pay the bills.
I wouldn’t want my loved ones to struggle to figure out my finances if something happened to me, but also don’t want to give up my passwords unless it’s needed.
What do others do to make their information available in case of emergency, but safe if all is well?
loading....
JD, I hope your mom makes a swift & full recovery.
For years I’ve always had a sub-file titled “important documents” in my easily-accessible filing cabinet. It contains SSNs, a list of bank accounts with addresses and account numbers, birth & marriage certificates, and all the things I think my family would need in the event I become incapacitated. As I move to online bill payment & account statements, I wonder how this will translate. How would my husband or my sisters be able to locate all the important information?
Also, may I recommend the Five Wishes for those whose thoughts on this post turn to living wills? This is an outstanding document that helps you write out a rationale for your preferences, and will provide more support for your decisionmakers than a simple statement “pull the plug.” To find more information, Google Five Wishes.
loading....
Along with all the readers of your blog, I wish your mother a full and swift recovery.
loading....
I hope your mother is back to herself soon. And you reminded me…I REALLY need to get things in order for my husband. I do all the finances, and he doesn’t have much a clue where everything is! I’m only 30, so odds are that I’m not going to leave this earth soon, but it would be horrible for him if I did and he had no idea what to do with the money.
loading....
My sincere best wishes to you and your family in this crisis. I hope your mother’s health improves soon. As you say, that is the most important thing. We plan and save and strategize with our finances so that when these crises happen, we can focus on the health and family aspects, rather than the financial. Good luck, and as Celina says, remember to take care of yourself, too.
loading....
Best wishes to you and your family.
loading....
Nothing is more important than spending time with your mom right now. Nothing. Take care of her, yourself, and your brothers. We hope to hear from you soon, but completely understand any absenses. Don’t worry about us, we have our emergency funds and your good advice in our brains, we’ll be fine.
loading....
JD- Thinking of you and your family. Wishing your mom continued health and recovery.
We’ll miss you, but know that family and health- like you said- is way more important.
Take care.
loading....
Well wishes during this scary time.
loading....
My thoughts and prayers are with your family JD. Take all the time you need.
loading....
JD – take all the time you need. Here’s hoping for the best for your mom, and the rest of your family.
Unfortunately, it often takes a shock like this to spur us to take account of our records: when my co-worker’s brother passed away suddenly a couple of months ago (he was only 47), the ensuing mess she had to (and continues to) deal with as de-facto executor of his estate made me really think about what would be waiting for my family if I were incapacitated or worse: A pile of papers. I’ve been working on getting everything in order since then. It’s tough to think about, but leaving everything organized can help those who are left to sort things out, and we can never anticipate what will happen.
I do have some of the same questions as Ann: I’m still not sure how best to share things like passwords with my husband in such a way that they’re safe from everyone else, but accessible for him if the need would arise. Of course we don’t expect you to post on this any time soon, but hopefully when things have calmed down it would be a good topic to explore.
Take care.
loading....
JD-
I hope that your mom has a speedy recovery.
Family comes first, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. The sick cannot help the sick.
Best wishes to you and your family. You’ll be in our thoughts and prayers.
loading....
Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers in the coming days. Family is more important. I wish a speedy recovery.
loading....
I wish you mom a speedy recovery. Nothing is more important than family. We are all thinking about you.
loading....
JD,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother and I wish you all the best at this time; I went through something very similar – in my teens, I nursed my mother through her illness, and eventual death, from cancer.
I hope that your mother recovers soon, and fully; just remember to take care of yourself, so you’ll be able to be there for her and your family….
Like the reader above, I believe there is NOTHING more important than being with her at this time. In my own case, it broke my heart, but I wouldn’t trade the experience of being with my mother through it all for anything.
loading....
I wish your mother a speedy recovery. I’ve actually been trying to “shore up” my parents financially in the event that something similar happens to them.
This article definitely hit home.
Best Wishes!
-HIB
loading....
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I had been support to my mom over the last 9 years as my father battled with Parkinson’s. Dad went home in June. His job done here. In the mean time I have moved back to the city where I grew up, something I thought I would never do. And finances have been a big thing as we now look to take care of mom. As your dad did, the farm will is mom’s retirement. So in short. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ask lots of questions, network. You will do fine.
loading....
JD,
Please relax, and take time [away from the site] to be with your mother and family. When it boils down, life is all about family and friends, everything else can wait.
Thanks for all the advice, take care JD!
loading....
JD, best wishes to your mom and family.
loading....
Your family will be in my best wishes. I hope your mother recovers quickly!
I understand the craziness that can surround taking care of an ill family member. This past year has been the first time in my entire 28 years of life where my parents (and me, as I’ve gotten older) weren’t taking care of *someone*. If you’ve got multiple siblings, it can be helpful to designate someone as the primary contact for everything, especially when there’s hospital staff involved. It’s much easier for them to know who to talk to and much easier because one person will get all the details and be able to disseminate them than it is for multiple people to all have little pieces of the puzzle and have to put it all together. If someone has POA, it should probably be that person. Actually, getting a POA in place is probably a good idea, just in case.
loading....
JD,
I have a widowed mother who was diagnosed with stage III ovarian cancer earlier this year, so I can somewhat relate.
Her overall health is stronger, so she’s still looking at the bills. My brother is on her checking accounts with her, so that helps with access. But the health insurance is still scary.
From what I’ve been told so far (and who knows if this is the full picture), the health insurance has paid all but $1250. We were able to help her with the $4 prescriptions as much as possible and the really expensive cancer drug, she was able to petition the drug company to cover it for her because she has no prescription coverage. All of us did help her with that sort of thing, shopping around, letting her know to ask the doctor, etc. (She wouldn’t have done that on her own). The expensive drug runs $400 every time she has chemo (every three weeks).
loading....
I really like your site. I feel sad that such situations happen. Take good care of your mum and be there for her. Take care of yourself too. I guess we can’t really help much but give mental support. We will still be around. We will wait for you to come back.
loading....
Best wishes to your mom.
Events like this only reinforces the need for health and life insurance. As I’m currently living in a 3rd world country (e.g Philippines), I wonder if moving to another country with great universal healthcare (e.g canada,new zealand, paris) will probably help me erase from my mind future events like this. Dad’s got a hearth problem, same as mom. Obcourse, we don’t want our entire savings to disappear in a split second..oh well…
Sam
Fix My Personal Finance
http://fixmypersonalfinance.com
loading....
Best wishes to you and your family.
-Jessica
loading....
It is a stressful time for all of you right now. Take care of you mother and yourselves.
loading....
Take care and do what you need for your family.
That being said, I’ve been in your shoes with my own mom. Here are some of the steps I took:
1) Compiled a list of all of her accounts, assets and debts.
2) Understood when bills were due and made arrangements for them to be covered.
3) Gathered up important documents: Will, trust, investment account details, insurance, etc.
4) Made sure that I had access, either through a power of attorney or through direct consent.
Good luck. This can be a very stressful time.
Randy@FiscalZen
loading....
Good luck to you and your Mom. We will pray for her speedy recovery.
Take care.
Chetan
loading....
Best wishes for your entire family. I hope your mom is doing better soon.
loading....
J.D.–I wish your mother a good prognosis and speedy recovery.
I would like to say to everyone else, however, that one thing to watch out for–in the midst of grieving over a lost loved one–is SCAMMERS. It is sad to say that there are such low-life creeps out there, but there are, and they will not hesitate to scan the obituaries, look up the phone numbers of the immediate family, and call claiming to be creditors.
If you are unfortunate enough to lose someone close to you, please do not, in the midst of your grief, allow someone to scam you with such a call. If they are a legitimate creditor, tell them to send an invoice–they should already have the address if they’re legit!
This happened to my sister-in-law last year after my brother passed away from a heart attack. I’ve also recently lost a sister to ovarian cancer not quite two weeks ago, and I’ve warned her husband about my SIL’s experience as well. Please don’t let your grief blind you to the danger of being scammed–sadly, there are such vermin out there who will not hesitate to take advantage of you, given the opportunity.
loading....
JD – I hope your mother makes a speedy recovery and that you and the family are able to make the most of this time with her.
Last December we made a will for the first time (we’re in our 40′s). We had been requested to appear as witnesses in a courtcase the other side of the mountains from where we live. I did not like the prospect of leaving our 3 children for 2 days and travelling through the pass in the depths of winter. If anything happened to us I wanted to be sure they would be taken care of (we are expats with all relatives in Europe). We also gave each other Power of Attorney.
Later I discovered that my parents had only just made a will of their own too.It surprised me, but perhaps this is common practice for their generation.
loading....
“how to protect online accounts/passwords while still sharing them”
on my mac, i created an password-protected disk image and in that image is stored the “Important Documents” text file. the password to open the disk image is one known to people who need to know, and the disk image each night gets copied across my local network to those peoples’ machines.
in effect, everybody who needs a copy of the document which contains the keys to everything “online”, is always up-to-date and sitting on their machines.
i’m sure a similar method could be used in the windows world.
-david
loading....
So sorry to hear about your mother’s health. I hope she has a speedy recovery.
loading....
Best of luck to you and your family!
loading....
Hope your mom gets better and that you can work everything out. I think I speak for everyone when I say take your time and do what needs to be done.
loading....
Having gone through much the same thing with both of my parents, I understand the difficulties and your frustrations.
All the best in your planning and especially toward your mother’s health.
PS, my mother was either very unmindful with her bills, or was intentionally stashing them in very odd places. When I first jumped into her finances, I found statements and bills mixed with the kitchen linens, with cereal boxes, etc. So, a thorough search of the house would not be unwarranted.
loading....
JD, I pray your family will pull through this situation.
loading....
JD- let me add my wishes to the others for your mother’s recovery.
As to the other’s question about enabling access to accounts and passwords in the event of your incapacitation. I’m the US Submarine Force (hence the handle) and I have to worry about this everytime I deploy. The bills, my wife already has a handle on but my investment accounts and such she doesn’t have day to day interaction with. What we have worked out over the years is a document that we continuously update with all of our account numbers, statements and logins and passwords. We keep a copy encrypted in our computer and a hard copy in our fire safe with all of our important documents. I have also created a document that explains to her what all of my death benefits are and what she has to do to get what she is intitled to. It seemed a bit macabre when I first started out, but I want to make sure that she is taken care of if anything happens.
I also have a copy stored with my parents in case of complete house destruction.
loading....
First of all, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot to me.
Second, I apologize for being vague about her condition. It’s her wishes. It’s not life-threatening in a hospital environment, but she’s still suffering. The staff is doing the best they can for her, but last night was rough. I talked to her this morning, and she sounded as if she had not slept in weeks.
Finally, I love the discussion here about how to make info available to loved ones in the case of emergency. Kris and I are actually dealing with this right now with regards to the blog/business. “What if something happened to you,” she says. “How would I let people know?” So, we’re working that out. Also, I keep multiple-levels of passwords: low-security, medium-security, high-security. MANY people know my low-security password, but not even Kris knows my high-security password. I need to find a way to make sure she’d know it if I died.
Also, I recently received a life organizer in the mail from a fellow who wants me to review it. I keep putting it off. Maybe now is a good time to use it.
loading....
Good to hear that things with your mom are not life threatening! I hope she gets relief soon. in the meantine, she’s very fortunate to have you — someone one in a good position to help her — partly because of the good focus you’ve put on your own physical and financial health, and also because you’re able to control your own time to an extent that isn’t always available to most workers.
loading....
Good luck…I wish your mom a speedy recovery.
loading....
Take care, JD! My thoughts are with you and your mom and the rest of your family.
loading....
JD: Wishing your mum and your family the best.
This is a reminder that with aging parents it is time to have “that talk” about power of atty, and their wishes if their health is compromised, all acct information etc. I’m grateful my parents have this set up.
I certainly hope the proper insurance information was shared with the hospital. That will alleviate some potential problems. (Depending on her plan, you may want to follow up with the plan and verify they’ve been notified of the stay and she is being case managed. Speaking with case mgmt is also beneficial if she will be transferred elsewhere for rehab, or get home health care or PT or the like. It is just another way to be involved in your mum’s treatment plan).
I am sorry your mum is suffering. Please take good care of her and yourself.
loading....
God’s speed on your mother’s fast recovery!!
loading....
JD – Sorry to hear about your Mom, and hopes for a speedy recovery for her.
Like SubHuman, The hubby and I being ex-Army have had our system in place since the day we married.
Very similar, a simple document containing accounts and assests, with address and pertinent information (including webaddresses, log-ins and passwords). Simple directions on how the bills are managed. Scanned copies of Birth certificates, marriage licenses, copy of our will, a power of attorney (right now assigned to MIL).
We also keep hard copies of everything in a locked firebox and give the second set of keys to my MIL. She knows where the box is located and can open it if it is ever needed. But this also safeguards our accounts until that time.
loading....
i hope you mom gets well and that things get sorted out.
loading....