Trying to downsize and get rid of the clutter but it’s a rather slow and difficult process. I feel attached and just shift things from one box to another. Some are stufff from work which I cannot throw in case I need em for later, but I guess I’m gonna have to give them away or donate them since I use em once a while.

My grandad was a packrat, and my mother keeps all sorts of stuff too. I keep my bedroom door closed at all times coz I got too much junk and the room looks so cluttered. When my bf saw my room for the first time, he said it’s clean but very cluttered. When I visit him/other ppl,I am very organized and am very clean (I even helped organized my bf’s house haha) It’s just with my own space that I do the hoarding.

Bf’s mom’s house is full of stuff too. Pantryfull of food and fridge filled to the brim w food. Trying to get food was a nightmare coz u nvr knw wats good and wats bad. One time I took the trouble of going thru her fridge w the help of the bf and we threw out take aways fr god knows when. Recently, he had some cider from that fridge, and got sick coz he didn’t realise it’s gone bad (it was 2 months old). When we visit we can’t use the bedroom upstairs coz the bed has a couple matresses on em and there’s no space to keep them so we sleep on the couch. I thought about what would happen when they pass on, a lot of stuff to give away/left for the next gen I guess.

Parting with stuff is very hard, esp when it has sentimental value attached to it. But I’m trying, coz I plan to move
and rather than doing it all then, I’d rather do it bit by bit now.

Thanks for sharing. And sorry for the superlong comment :p

Hoarders can be especially difficult to deal with, and when the hoarder is a parent, it makes it even harder. Up to what point should someone be allowed to live life the way they choose, and at what point do you call in the authorities? At what point do you force a clean-up, with the possibility of alienating yourself from your family forever (this is a very real possibility)? These are really hard decisions to make.

This disorder also has an enormous impact on children. The psychological and physical implications of growing up in squalor, the complete lack of cleaning/money management skills passed onto the kids, and having to lie to friends in order to keep people from coming to the house and revealing the family secret. In many ways it’s like being the child of an alcoholic.

The rest of the family thought that once she was moved into a nice clean new space, she’d eventually see how much of a problem exploded food, bugs in the kitchen, mouse infested boxes, and less than body width paths through the house had become, but no… she just continually berates us for all the treasures we took from her.

I blogged about it too and my coworkers thought it was supremely amusing isolated behavior. I think in realty, there are many people like this.

I try to live by the mantra “You will never have enough of what you don’t really need.”

Years ago my dear friend’s parents found two boxes in her grandmother’s house.

1) A shoebox tied with string and a tag “String Worth Saving.” Inside were neatly wound balls of good string.

2) A shoebox tied with string and a tag “String Not Worth Saving.” Inside was a bunch of crappy string.

They all had a good laugh.

1) You can also sell things on Craigslist and cheapcycle.org.

2)If you don’t want the hassle of selling things, check out freecycle.org. You post things you want to give away for free and folks email if they want it. You choose who gets it, tell them when and where to pick it up. Most communities have a freecycle group.

My sweetheart and I cleaned out my parent’s mountain home last summer and found the same things. Food from the early 90′s. Seven OPENED bags of flour in a closet. Empty deli containers. The crawl space was filled with empty boxes from, I swear, what seemed to be anything ever purchased in their lifetime. The list goes on and on.

I promptly emailed my daughter, apologized for anything and everything I may do to her when I’m old, and asked her to take me out in the north 40 and shoot me if I get to be like that. Then I started redistributing my own excess. I divided my belongings into two and ONLY two categories. 1) things I love 2) things I don’t love. It’s a good feeling to pare down and be surrounded by the things I really love.

My sister called when she found out what I was doing and asked me to start on Mom & Dad’s home here in town when I finished the mountain place. Ha Ha. I reminded her that SHE is inheriting that house. I already cleaned the place I’m inheriting.

Love and gratitude for all of you wonderful sons and daughters who take care of aging parents!

Chin up, just laugh it off and make humor out of the situation as best you can. Even if it is hectic and chaotic with the cleaning, enjoy it as a quirky behaviour of your mom. Some day you will have some funny tales to tell to your grandkids.

Cheers, Jolie

She lived in a rural area on the coast and when she fell and broke her hip shedecided (at our suggestion) to move up to Portland and live in an assisted living facility.

We went through all of her stuff, had an estate sale. We asked her what she wanted to move into her studio apartment and there were many things we wanted to save (a bedroom set that sailed around the horn with my great-great-grandmother, for example) but otherwise we sold so much stuff… I think she made about $1000 from her estate sale at dirt cheap prices, we just wanted it gone.

It was amazing… I hope I’m never like that but who knows.

I work for an elderly man–my actual job is to help clean out his house, which is in a very similar state–but I am in the same predicament as Maya:

“you’re lucky. my mom won’t let us clear out her clutter. she says there are papers that she needs in there and that she’s the only one who can go through them. but she doesn’t go through them…i’ve offered to pay someone to cart her junk away. she refuses. it stresses me out.”

It’s quite the mess at Dan’s house too. Wall-to-wall clutter, things he’s bought at Goodwill on seniors’ day because it was cheap, and a refrigerator that would render a team of horses unconscious. And he will not part with anything because he “needs” it all.

Does anyone know of any way to deal with this kind of predicament?

Very sad. Good luck fighting through all of the clutter and getting her well and back home. Remember to be with her when she gets home so she isn’t in shock

Best of luck.

Edit: I should have read over some of the other comments, people are pointing you in the right direction.

By the way, you truly are helping your mom in so many ways. I’m glad that she is not upset. My mother would be furious probably to the point of not talking to us if we did that to her home.

Is there a category of disfunction called “consumerist illusion of frugality” where you hang onto stuff you don’t need because someone paid money for it (maybe you), so it’s worth something, so it’s hard to give it away or throw it out? Hey, you might need it again someday!

Every time I go camping, I’m inspired to get rid of stuff when we get home, because it’s so relaxing to me to live with just the stuff we took with us — no piles of extra paper, spare bedding and towels (for the rare guests we have), more summer and winter clothes than we really need, junk/trash that hasn’t made it out of the house yet, etc.

Though my mom isn’t a hoarder, per se, she is a “collector” of things and some old rare books. One of my jobs this fall will be to go over and put post it notes in books that should be donated to a special collections library..which brings up donations…

Most local libraries, special collections libraries at universities and/or local geneological groups would be thrilled to receive some collections of things–especially anything to do with local history. Obviously not the junk but do think before you throw…. Remember that researchers of the future will visit these places to research US! Primary sources will always be important. If you think you’ve got something that somebody might be interested in, give one of these places a call.
Plus, it offers you a good tax deduction.

@DB…sigh, collector that I am, I would have loved to have helped you clean out the remainders of a craft store. That is MY weakness…. but it is used in products I re-sell, so I guess I should be called a re-cycler. For other readers that might encounter such stuff, please put it on craig’s list, ebay, or etsy. You will probably find a buyer, and quickly.

A friend of mine was cleaning out the attic of his family home (mother was a horder) and I knew that there would be stuff in there that I could use. I told them I would come help. A year later, at an art show I was in, the friend’s wife came up and saw something I was selling–hand molded reproductions of old figural Christmas lights. The first words out of her mouth..”I just threw away a TON of those from the attic.” ARGHHHHHHHHH

I know from talking with my mom, who gets overwhelmed by the paper/mail/magazine syndrome, that being physically unable to deal with some of it causes it to mount up. Once it starts to mount up, the anxiety/stress/depression about NOT being able to do something about/simply getting overwhelmed about it sets in. It is a Catch-22 for some folks up in years–and even my age, mid 50′s.

If you get BBC America, I suggest the show “How Clean is your House.” Two professional housecleaners go into some of the worst, filthiest, houses, almost always belonging to hoarders, and clear out the junk and do a deep clean, using things like vinegar, dish soap, baking soda, and essential oils. They have many useful tips and it’s good to see that others are in a similar situation.

Also, for the cat pee, Nature’s Miracle enzymatic cleaner really truly worked for us. But you have to use a LOT and let it air dry, which can take as long as a week or two. Also, most cats will ignore a litterbox that’s not completely clean, so maybe using some of the proceeds if you sell off some of the Stuff to purchase a self-cleaning litterbox will help the problem from getting worse, and help your mom, since it’s probably not an easy task for her to clean litterboxes daily.