JM

You did fine, and a little escapism when we’re under stress is maybe not such a bad thing (a LITTLE.) That’s just what you got from the graphic novel, so embrace that, and as others have said–pass it on.

How about a further babystep the next time? Instead of going to the mall, take yourself to a thrift store or a used book store. That way, you’ll spend LESS for your stress relief. It’s a good way to dial down.

I know all about cold turkey. I did it SIX times trying to quit smoking. (I sucessfully quit, but it took a while!)

~JM

Stress-spending however is something I can completely commisserate on and the only helpful words I can think of are to realize how much you’ve grown and that you’re more in control of your life than you’ve ever been. It’s okay to not be perfect (as you know) as long as you remember that any mistakes are an opportunity to do better with the next temptation rather than a reason to forget about your resolve and just mope and spend mope and spend-a pattern I’m sure many people here are all too familiar with.

Best of luck, stay strong, and spend $15 on something that will take your mind off your troubles, this too shall pass.

I catch myself at the grocery store with a product that I normally don’t use, but convinced I’m going to make that elaborate meal I saw on TV. Two weeks later, I find myself dumping it in the compost pile.

Books or comics do have value. They can be shared, donated or resold for future goodies.

It is learning from the mistake that makes us better.

$12.99 seems like a good investment in reducing stress. Sure you could have borrowed it from the library but it’s healthy to allow yourself a little discretionary spending now and then.

It’s great you have been successful with saving money but don’t be so stingy with money that you don’t afford yourself some small luxury on occasion.

I think it’s good when you say:

“There’s no guarantee that I won’t react similarly in the future, but by consciously noting the choice and its implications now, I make it easier to do the right thing in the future.”

That paragraph shows your high regard for not being wasteful with money. But I’m concerned that your consternation over spending such a small amount of money will lead to a problem with being compulsive with penny pinching. The word to look for is “balance”.

Really, if you can commit yourself to saving a certain amount of money per year then I don’t see the problem in spending such a small amount of money on a luxury now and then.

Now, you’re more aware of your purchases and how little happiness it brings and how empty you feel – the money/stuff didn’t bring you as much happiness as you felt it did in the past.

It’s like a half-full, half-empty view. Your perspective has changed.

I read a long time ago in the book of virtues a story about a boy who saw a toy drum and wanted it really badly. He spent weeks saving up money and finally bought it only to have it break in one day. He realized it was cheaply made, and in fact found it later for sale for much cheaper than what he’d paid for. Rather than save up and buy the drum again, he took it as a lesson as he grew up. Any time he was faced with a frivolous purchase he’d say “I paid too much for my drum”. I probably butchered this story since I read it about 10 years ago. =)

You can have your own mantra. “I paid too much for my book”.

Also, I follow both this blog and GFS, in part because stress makes me do the worst thing for fitness and finances: when I’m totally stressed out I go buy sweets I can’t afford in a large enough volume to “share with the office”, but then I eat most or all of it. Ugh. My best friend introduced me to the concept of “splurging” on one York peppermint patty, which still feels like an indulgence but is cheap and not _too_ bad, and that’s helped me get away from the big bad splurges most of the time, but it’s a process. Your honesty (and all these comments) is encouraging.

Regarding the book … if seeing or thinking of it leaves you with regret then release it from your life. Thanks for blogging.

But J.D., you can. You probably don’t have the time right now, but if you can go through your mum’s stuff you can go through your own. Having a lot of stuff is overwhelming when you decide to start getting rid of stuff, but it’s not impossible – although you might need help.

Even better, now that you’ve stopped bringing as much stuff into the house, if you let these things go, it won’t fill up again. Of course you’ll be left with quite a lot of house.

This is an interesting point.

We spent several more hours down at Mom’s house today, continuing the effort to purge what can be purged. (We’re now down to stuff that she’ll have to decide about.) We rented a frickin’ dumpster for the weekend to get rid of stuff. It’s full.

As we were working through this, I again commented that I wished I could do the same thing with my own Stuff. Why on earth do I have a workshop filled with crap I never use. My workshop is basically a staging ground for all the Stuff I’ve bought but which is no longer useful.

More and more, I think that if I could start over, I’d have a small house (maybe on a big lot) and furnish it sparsely. I have a friend who has chosen to live like that, and everytime I’m at his house, it feels, well, liberating. It’s amazing. I wonder if I can get there myself.

Finally, I want people to know I’m not really beating myself up over this. It was a dumb thing, but it was a small dumb thing. I’m just trying to be aware of my choices…

Like others said, don’t beat yourself over a pleasurable indulgence. You just needed a break from thinking about your mom’s situation. We almost all do this type of thing in some form or another and like you said, it’s okay unless you see yourself going over the edge … and you’re not.

Maybe you lapsed because you deprived yourself a little too much of your old pleasures, and that, on top of the stress of your mother’s illness, broke your will.

I empathize with the clutter problem–been working on THAT for a year now, with no end in sight! Without buying anything new, stuff still seems to come out of nowhere!

Have you read “All your worth” by Elizabeth Warren and her daughter? I think you have reviewed it here…..

That book has changed my life and I constantly recommend it and love to discuss it. We use the plan described, the 50/30/20 plan and do a little Dave Ramsey mixed it. The bottom line is that if your spending is in balance and that 13 bucks came out of your “wants” money, all of your other obligations are cared for then “who cares?”. You have done this before, you beat yourself up pretty bad over a Wii game if I remember. I think that you’ve got a mental block and maybe a little bit of self inflicted punishment mentality to make up for your previous overspending.

That’s why I love and recommend the “all your worth” plan. Take care of the basics, get rid of debt, develop an emergency fund, set up retirement and other savings accounts and then take what’s left over and spend it on what you want, without remorse, without penny to penny tracking, life is good.

Although my finances are not yet as solid as yours, earlier this year I hired a personal home organizer (http://nycclutterbusters.com/).

TOTALLY worth it. We had a weekly appointment to go through things and get rid of TONS of it. Then each week he would assign me homework tasks. Since I was paying for his time, I usually did a lot of work during the week in order to keep the process on track.

Not that you need it JD , but for your other readers, I fell in love (after four years being single!) in the last stages of de-cluttering. I really think the two are related!!!

I *really* liked Allison’s idea to keep a small amount allocated to spontaneous purchases each week/month. I love to buy trashy magazines when I am stressed, but if I had a $5/week allocation, it would feel less like *cheating* and more like I was still planning my spending, but leaving myself room for unplanned purchasing. JD, what do you think of that?

I am also curious if “the new JD” ever buys books. I am slowly reducing my book budget (like you, a *big* problem for me in the past), and trying to figure out which things I will happy waiting for on the library waitlist, and which things I want to own. I do re-read favorites.

My new thought is if I really love it AFTER I take it from the library, I will then try to find it at my local used book store.

Our family went through a health crisis and I think I put on 15 pounds. That certainly didn’t make me feel better but for some reason I was attacking food.

I hoped you enjoyed your book.

Blessings

Your new role of Caregiver has physical, emotional, and spiritual requirements. Satisfying these may or may not take the form of purchasing comic books and eating Big Macs.

You may need a massage, you may need to cry or express anger, you may need to light a candle – but whatever you do, please take the time to recognize that you are in a new role…then reflect on what your needs are so that you can take care of your mother while still taking care of yourself. (Try Googling: caregiver care)

Keep up the great work!

and in this case, the indulgence seems reasonable. sort of a small bite. as long as this type of thing doesn’t spiral out of control, things should be fine.

Spending money on books rather than lifestyle products is not a terrible expense in my book, but that is just me.

And you can always sell off the book on ebay or pass it on to your friends who can benefit from the book.

Thanks for your honesty.

I’m in the process of buying new frames for pictures from my travels. I can only spend money made from selling my stuff and anything purchased must be on sale. Also, promised myself I would list one item per day, because it was so overwhelming, on Craigslist or Ebay until it’s all gone. So far this month, I’ve made $190! Getting rid of my “bad” purchases and using the money to shop more responsibly has been a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, my newer stuff is adopted after losing my mother 5 years ago. It was too difficult back then to part with many things. I go through her stuff every year and part with more and more, saving only very dear items. It’s very freeing.

PS-HRM’s are worth every penny!