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I had breakfast at a local diner the other day. Over my blueberry pancakes, I eavesdropped on the next table over. (It wasn’t difficult — these folks were loud.)
Eight people from the wedding industry had gathered to swap hints, tips, and stories. They talked about networking, about wedding expos, and about dealing with problem customers. They also talked about some of the financial aspects of their business.
“I was really worried about how this economy was going to affect us,” said one woman. I think she was a wedding coordinator. “But it only seems to be hurting the venues.”
“Yeah,” said the guy across the table from her. “People are getting married in their parents’ back yard or on their grandparents’ farm. They’re spending less for the location, but not on anything else.”
“Do any of your clients ever try to dicker?” asked one man, a D.J..
“Dicker?” a woman asked.
“You know, try to bargain on the price,” he explained.
Everyone answered at once: “A few.” “Some do.” “Once in a while.” The consensus was that a small number of couples asked for discounts on wedding services.
“What do you do in that situation?” asked the D.J. Most of the people admitted they’d lower their prices to get the job.
“I say I’ll give them a discount, but only if they commit right now,” said the wedding co-ordinator. “I won’t do it if they’re just going to call around trying to play us off each other.”
“What about you?” she asked the D.J.
“Well, I normally charge $995, though I charge up to $1500 if they’re getting married someplace fancy,” he said. “I won’t come down if I think they have money. Otherwise, I’ll drop as low as $850.”
Think about that: If you’re spending a lot on other aspects of your wedding, this disc jockey will ask for more than he would normally. But if you ask for a discount, he’ll give you one. Basically, he’ll charge you as much as he thinks you can pay. And the other folks at the table would grant you discounts too — if you asked for them.
It never hurts to ask for a lower price.
This article is about Hints and Tips, Money Hacks, Planning Tuesday, 7th October 2008 (by J.D. Roth)
October 7th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Negotiating is always good - however sometimes in the rush of a wedding it`s hard to remember or bother to do things like this.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:26 am
it’s interesting that you have two posts in a row - one on making a hobby a career (which many wedding professionals do) and then another on how to pay the least amount possible for your wedding. how do you think these people stay in business?
October 7th, 2008 at 5:28 am
I think that you should always ask for a better price because that first quote is always higher as vendors anticipate you negotiating. It’s like paying the rack rate for a hotel room (check the back of the door in your room to see the full price rate), no one does it.
If you can’t get a lower price, you can always get more for what you pay in terms of services.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:30 am
one last thought - the best way for people to save money on their wedding is not by negotiating with lower quality vendors but by getting married off season such as jan-march. most people underestimate how much that saves (25-35%).
when people negotiate with me I think that they can’t afford it (don’t want to take the risk of defaulting on payment) or they don’t value the services enough to pay full price. I don’t negotiate, ever, and have a very successful business.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:46 am
The best way I found to save money on my wedding was to go outside the usual vendor channels. I’m not the first person to observe that as soon as you say the word “wedding,” most vendors tend to double their prices. Here are a few ways my wife and I saved for our wedding last month:
-We hired a student photographer. She had plenty of experience shooting weddings as an assistant to a much higher-priced photographer, and had even shot a few weddings on her own. Plus, we made a deal in which she would do only minimal post-production work and give us a DVD with all the photos, so we could make our own albums. She brought along an assistant, took great pictures, and the total cost was only $650.
-We hired a DJ we knew. I attend a pub trivia game every week with a fun, hip DJ, who I knew had done weddings before. Because I booked him directly, and not through the “entertainment company” his boss runs, he charged me $500. And did an awesome job.
-Our florist works out of her home. Although my wife visited several florists, this lady was the only one who asked about our budget first, and seemed committed to sticking to it. She put together some beautiful flowers, and the total cost ended up being less than $500.
-My friend and his father volunteered to play ceremony music. This is the biggest piece of advice I could give anybody who’s getting married: See who among your friends and family would like to help out. You’d be surprised how enthusiastic they’ll be — and how talented, too! The guys sounded great, and didn’t cost us anything but a small token of our appreciation. And it made the wedding day better to have people we cared about playing such an important role.
Besides all this, the peace of mind we have to be starting our marriage without wedding debt hanging over us is worth more than its weight in gold. Yes, a wedding is going to be expensive no matter what you do, but there are opportunities to save money on every part of it, while still having the celebration you want.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:14 am
“it’s interesting that you have two posts in a row - one on making a hobby a career (which many wedding professionals do) and then another on how to pay the least amount possible for your wedding. how do you think these people stay in business?”
Any savvy professional will know what they can and cannot afford to sell their services at. Suggesting that someone ask for a discount isn’t evil. Asking for a discount isn’t evil either. If the professional can’t afford it, they should say “I’m sorry, but these are my prices.”
There is a big difference between asking for a discount up front and trying to stiff someone after a service is rendered, and I don’t think it’s right to imply that someone is trying to run a businessperson out of work by asking if discounts are available.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:27 am
I had worked as a corporate event planner for about a year before I got married. I used every trick in the book I learned there!
1. Don’t forget to read the contract!! And before you sign clear up ANY questions you might have or cross out anything you dont agree with (if they dont like it they will send you a new one, they deal with scribbled contracts all the time from regular planners). Don’t be scared that they will be insulted and turn you away. They WANT your money! But more places than you want to know about will charge you for things like electricity. Groan…
2. This is YOUR wedding so only spend money on stuff that you think is important. Personally I think favors are the stupidest thing ever at a wedding - I don’t know how many I’ve been to where they put some dumb little favor for their guest that nobody even wants. Oh sure, one little candle only costs $1.25 each right? Well x 200 guests you just spent $250 on something you can bet only a handful of people will even take home. Want to do something really nice with that money for the guests? Get a shrimp platter! I promise you that wont go to waste!
3. You do not need an open bar. I REPEAT, you do NOT need an open bar! Order a keg and a few bottles of wine and let your guests drink those till they are gone (at ours they never ran out). If your Uncle Louie HAS to have his White Russians - let him pay for it himself. If you were having a party at your house you wouldn’t be expected to supply them with any drink they could think of! BUT - do cover the tip for the bartenders. Lots of people don’t have a lot of singles and don’t want to drink if they feel they have to tip every time. Tell them you will tip them after and to not accept tips or place out a jar.
4. Don’t use those disposable cameras!! Yes, a photographer is expensive, but I spent $1800 and got beautiful pictures from me getting dressed all the way till the very end of the night, plus all my prints and a cd with all the original negatives. The disposable cameras are a good idea….but…. (50 cameras x $6 per camera = $300) + ($11 developing x 50 cameras = $550) = $850! Yes, that is still a lot cheaper than $1800, but I got at least 300 beautiful, in focus prints - not just a bunch of blurry, black, red eye, pictures of people sticking their tongues out or the prints from the camera they gave to your 6 year old nephew of the tops of peoples heads.
A little here and a little there - can save you a lot!
October 7th, 2008 at 6:32 am
My philosophy in life is to pleasantly ask for what I want (whether it’s a discount or anything else) — while realizing the other person has no obligation to give it to me. I rarely have regrets or hard feelings, either one.
An item nobody gets discounts on that I know of is gas. While I notice it just came down another two cents per gallon, what impresses me is how much power of choice we have around our transportation expenses in general. We don’t have to be victims, even in the absence of discounts. For instance, I get such financial and social benefits from carpooling that I feel sad for people who drive alone. I discuss this at http://www.diamondcutlife.org/saving-money-with-carpooling/
October 7th, 2008 at 6:34 am
My husband and I are wedding photographers, and we would ALWAYS prefer a couple to ask for a discount rather than just disappearing when they decide we’re not in their budget. Sometimes we’re able to comply, and sometimes we’re not, but we welcome the conversation.
Here are a few scenarios that almost ALWAYS get a “yes” to the discount question:
-You’re getting married in the off-season (NOT April - October).
-Your wedding is less than 90 days away (at this point, we’re probably not going to book the date otherwise).
-You’re willing to get less for less money (e.g., you’ll take a discount and not use so many hours of coverage).
-You show your appreciation for our time and talent (this has to be genuine, but when we know a couple is really dead-set on having us there, we work harder to figure something out for them).
-You ask for a reasonable discount (50% off is insane, and you will most definitely receive a resounding “no”. Instead ask, “Is there anything we can do to reduce the price a little bit? My budget is $xxxx”).
-You are clearly cutting corners on other aspects of your wedding (getting married at home or in your church, etc).
And here’s now to get a sure-fire “no”:
-Your wedding is taking place over a year from now (we can and will find someone else to book the date who is willing to pay in full).
-You are getting married at one of the most expensive venues in the city (the rule of thumb is that photography should take approximately 10% of your budget. We can do math.)
Basically, realize that you are working with real people who love their job and are trying to make a living off of it. They will be MUCH more likely than a huge corporation to take your unique situation into consideration.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:49 am
I’ve always heard to price your reception as a family reunion. Don’t use the word “wedding”.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:49 am
The best way to save money on a wedding is to remember that contrary to what the wedding industry would have couples believe… this is Not the most important day of their lives, but is merely one of a series of life events.
Many couples spend more time planning their wedding than they do planning their lives together. And if a person truly believes that the wedding day is the most important day of their life, no wonder they overspend in a frenzy to make it perfect and no wonder so many feel let down afterwards. What more is there to look forward to, if you have “supposedly” already experienced the most important day you’ll ever have? How sad it would be, were that true.
After 25 years of marriage, I can assure any couple who is planning their wedding that is the days and years after the “big” day that hold the most important days.
So before making any wedding purchase…yes, ask for that discount but first ask: if this item wasn’t labeled, “wedding dress,” “wedding cake,” “wedding photography,” etc… but simply… dress, cake, photography… would we be willing to pay that price for that item for an event that rarely comprises more than 12 hours out of the 70 years we might spend here on earth.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:55 am
I’ve also heard that if you approach a vendor with a budget in mind and ask them what they can supply for that price, you are more likely not to overspend. Vendors might be more willing to negotiate what’s included versus going lower on the price.
For example, with a caterer - “I really love your recipes and presentation and would love to work with you. My budget is XXX. Is it possible to work with you on that? What do you think you could provide?”
October 7th, 2008 at 7:04 am
This may be out of place, but do people actually enjoy weddings? Seems like a huge expense that feels like a social obligation, rather than a celebration of love.
ThatGuy
October 7th, 2008 at 7:07 am
ThatGuy…I really enjoy planning mine but it’s extremely simple and elgant without tons of extra details (party gifts, attendant gifts, fancy location, grooms cake, etc). You just have to make a wedding your own. Most people try to do the cookie-cutter expensive wedding and it always ends up being expensive and stressful.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:07 am
I really enjoyed the illustration you chose for this entry. My husband and I lived together for 28 years before we got married (I was waiting to get married until gays and lesbians could get married, too) and along the way I did have the occasional sigh for the party and gifts and honeymoon trip we didn’t have. On the other hand, we weren’t ever in debt for a wedding, we didn’t have any of the emotional frazzles of that event, and we’re still together. When we did get married we had two guests/witnesses and had a lovely 10 minutes with a judge friend who married us in her courtroom. A few very close friends gave us wedding presents, which I think we treasure more than anything we would have gotten when we first got together. Although we didn’t go on a honeymoon when we finally got marrried, we have gone on an annual anniversary trip, and while I don’t expect US culture to change, I did want to testify that it isn’t necessary to go along with every aspect of it…
October 7th, 2008 at 7:23 am
My significant other and I are waiting to pull the trigger until we are both out of debt. But we definitely do not plan to incur more debt. Ever heard of the phrase, “USe your resources,” I live by it. We have a friend who runs a photography studio, who will do our photography. I have a brother who just happens to be a DJ. My uncle will probably be a judge by the time we are ready and will likely be legally qualified to marry us. And my parents have a huge backyard. The only large cost will be food, but my best friend is a culinary school graduate and a caterer on the side. You know I might, when the time comes, feel guilty for making everybody I love do all the work, but in the end it’s just a big party where everybody’s required to contribute something.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:29 am
Aya, in a way, you’re providing a preview of the follow-up post to this entry, which will go up later today.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:38 am
It never hurts to ask is my personal motto. Not only does it help when planning a wedding, but it can also help in all aspects of your life. If you are at dinner, if you are nice to your waitress/waiter, ask for a free drink. whats the worst that could happen? they say no and you move on. but about 75% of the time, especially if you eat at the same place regularly and you become familiar with the people who work there, you get a free drink. Remember people, IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK, and the worst thing that happens is the people say no. you’ve got nothing to lose!
October 7th, 2008 at 7:38 am
When we got married a few years ago, we ended up eloping to our honeymoon destination, Costa Rica. There we hired a photographer who took care of everything - photos, of course, lawyer, flowers, etc. for less than $1500. When we came back home, we had a catered party for about 40 people at our house - another cheap version for a reception. We are very happy with our choices, since we had a meaningful wedding day that was for us and not for our guests, and we had a very nice celebration at our house where we were happy to entertain our guests as newlyweds for the first time. Of course, we are not upset that the whole event did not cost that much money, either.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Aya…I do not agree with making your friends work for your wedding. You should have to pay for all of it.
Services = Payment
A reduced cost for those services is one thing, but free is rude. Your friends will be working their butts off before the wedding…that’s not right. You are the host, not them.
I had a friend who did the wrong “friends help out” wedding and it was absolutely horrible. We were up all night making last minute crafts for the wedding.
I was also the photographer and it was miserable. No drinking, no eating, no dancing, no actual fun. I had to gather up drunken family members and try to make them look presentable.
Anyone can legally marry someone by taking a $69.99 class online by the way, in case he’s not elected.
Brides: Don’t use friends. Use their companies for a discount or whatever but friends don’t let friends provide services for their weddings.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:52 am
A while back there was a show about how wedding companies would actually give there services for free - provided that you would advertise like crazy that you were using them. Perhaps you were having a huge wedding and your invitations would say flowers provided by blah, blah, blah. So this could be a option.
Christine Groth
http://www.101WaystoMagnetizeMoney.com
October 7th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Ah weddings. . . it seems like nothing will stir up more emotion or controversy. I got married over the summer and couldn’t have done it without the help of friends and family. I was paying off my debt and certainly didn’t want to add MORE debt with a wedding. So, everyone understood where I was coming from and was more than willing to help.
Desi, it sounds like you had some bad experiences helping out at weddings! I’d say it’s like anything else in life. Try to be considerate of other people’s feelings and show gratitude for the help you get. I made tons of timelines and plans and did a lot of the prep work myself. When it came time to have friends make the cake and do the flowers, I just stayed in a support role. I ran errands and did whatever they needed to do their “jobs.” Everyone had lots of fun, and I’ve gotten so many compliments on how “real” our wedding was. Yes, people helped me, but they certainly didn’t work for me! We all pitched in and had exactly the kind of wedding that I wanted: a celebration of my friends and family.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:02 am
My husband and I got married this past June on the day we moved into the our first house. We invited all of our friends to help us move in and then stick around at the new place to see us get married on the front lawn.
Instead of presents, we asked that everybody provide something to drink. We provided cupcakes and pie for everyone that one dear friend picked up while I hauled boxes into the new house.
No favors. No DJ. No official photographer - though we have a couple of friends who took beautiful pictures. No wedding dresses or tuxedos - we had t-shirts made up. Flowers from the local farmers market. A friend married us.
It was the BEST wedding I’ve ever been to (even if it was my own) because nobody was stressed out. AND we only spent a few hundred dollars for food and paper plates, etc.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:13 am
“Desi Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 6:49 am
I’ve always heard to price your reception as a family reunion. Don’t use the word “wedding”.”
I’m sure this applies in some cases, but not all. If you begin your relationship with a potential vendor by lying about the true purpose of your event, you don’t start off on a very good foot. Instead, find people who you feel you can trust to provide you with exactly what you want for a price that’s in your budget.
“ThatGuy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:04 am
This may be out of place, but do people actually enjoy weddings? Seems like a huge expense that feels like a social obligation, rather than a celebration of love.”
I’m sure this is true for some people. My own wedding was an amazing day. Never again in my life will we be surrounded by ALL of the people who know and love us. It just has to be kept in perspective.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:16 am
I’m with Desi on the not asking your friends to basically foot the bill for your wedding. If you are willing to pay them and they are willing to give you a discount, that’s fine. But as someone who occasionally gives my wedding photography in lieu of an actual gift, you HAVE to remember that you are not just asking for that persons time. With a lot of these suggestions you are asking for THEIR MONEY.
For three of my dear friends I did their photos for free - that was 12 rolls of film at about $3 each ($36), processing ($120), and prints (paper ink = $40) for a grand total of JUST SUPPLIES = $196. And none of that considers the cost of my time (10 to 15 hours including the wedding and all the work needed after) if I were hired by someone else. You will be off on your honeymoon and some of your friends will still be working on your wedding!
Normally I would give a wedding gift in the $30 to $50 range depending on the couple. But when you are asking your friends to do it for free out of the kindness of their hearts, not only are you taking away being a guest at your wedding from them (depending on what you are asking, yes you are!) and you are flat out asking for a REALLY expensive gift.
Please at least think about that before you ask your friend for a hand out. These were really close friends of mine and I SUGESTED taking pictures for them. But then their friends tell their friends, and their friends tell their friends, and you start getting requests like “Well, you did Frans for free and since we had a class together in college I thought you might do mine for $50?”
What would you say if one of your friends, even one of your super close friends, came up and flat out asked you for $196 in cash as a gift and then try to guilt you into giving it to them? And you may not think you are guilting them - but you can’t back them into a corner to ask! If you know your Aunt bakes cakes as a hobby you can bring up in conversation, “Yeah I never realized how expensive cakes were! We are really going to have to shop around!” - she might love to do your cake but be afraid she might mess it up or just plain cant afford to pay for all the supplies. (Yes, you still need to add up the supplies even for things like cakes! Mixes, special pans, special frosting, getting it there, storage…)
Helping to tie ribbions on bags is one thing - food, flowers, photos, DJ’s… are a whole different story.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:16 am
@Desi
I’d kick in a little something. I wouldn’t ask them to pay for necessary materials, now thats just not fair. Not to mention I would do the same for any of my family/friends. We are really a low-stress kind of people, my family/friends, and I don’t think anyone would be stressing out about not being able to drink and not getting paid. We have these kinds of events all the time. My mother, who often caters her friends’ events, giving away her time for free, calls it a labor of love and enjoys it. (I would not ask her to work at my wedding, btw) In addition, why start off a marriage with a load of debt?
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 am
I just got married earlier this year, and I definately went thru sticker shock. I didn’t necessarily ask for discounts but I did make sure the vendors stuck to the price they quoted me and made sure contracts were signed. I first called around and got price quotes and found out what their quotes included. Just b/c someone is cheaper, you might spend more money in the long run because their price didn’t include all the bells and whistles that someone else did.
The vendors that I felt the most comfortable with were the ones that I choose. If a vendor was rude or unhelpful then I quickly scratched them off my list b/c a wedding is stressful enough without having problems with your vendor. Some of the ones that I felt comfortable with were a little more than my budget so I would talk to them and figure out what they could do to work within my budget. For example, I did not need everything in the photographer’s package and essentially created a custom package. I got a good deal and was able to get the things that were important to me such as the negatives. My DJ couldn’t come down anymore so I decided to rework my budget and pay more for the DJ than originally planned and pay less for some item that did not mean as much to me so that I still stuck to my overall wedding budget.
Since I was comfortable with my vendors, I let them have some creative freedom. I didn’t specify a specific flower b/c that can get expensive if they are out of season. I gave a general idea of the colors and the atmosphere I wanted, and let the florist go at it. She created arrangements way more beautiful than I would have imagined. And since she was slightly outside the city limits, she didn’t charge as much as the downtown florists.
As far as passions go, several business ideas came out of all those months of planning. Dealing with bridezillas is not my passion but helping grounded people navigate the wedding chaos does sound appealing.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Well…for tent rental and food (if not using waiters) the vendor should not care.
I’m getting married in my in-law’s “backyard” so I don’t have a location vendor to worry about. It’s a huge house on the lakefront in which they bought the adjoining lots to we are definitely having a tent wedding. The tent people set it up the day before and rip it down the Monday after. I don’t feel I need to tell them if I am having a wedding. I call it a family gather, which it is.
A vendor you trust is not always an easy thing to get. Everyone seems trustworthy when they are giving you a sales pitch.
I hear you get the “real” price and have something to negotiate with. Everything is negotiable, just like real estate.
Aya… That’s what I mean. Make sure to contribute money of some type or exchange services. I didn’t mind doing the photos that much but the editing was so time consuming. I think the bride wasn’t aware of all the work that goes into editing bridal photos. It was about $1300 worth of work. She didn’t even pay for the materials. *sigh*
Also brides…if you are crafty you can order flowers wholesale and arrange yourself. That’s what I’m doing! I think it’s $300 for so many roses we can swim in them. I think the site is freshroses.com. Since roses are always in season in certain parts of the USA, they have really good rates. Using in season flowers helps out a lot also. And there’s also the silk flower route from Michael’s and Hobby Lobby.
And I’m not saying go in debt for a wedding. If a honeymoon is more important, only pay for that and do Justice of Peace. I’m paying cash for my wedding (not really, putting it on credit cards in case of disputing charges but have the cash to pay if off).
Also, stay way from bridal boutiques. You can get a better dress from a department store such was Neiman Marcus, Saks, Dillard’s, etc made much better than those plastic monstrosities sold in David’s Bridals and similar stores.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 am
@ Aya:
“You know I might, when the time comes, feel guilty for making everybody I love do all the work, but in the end it’s just a big party where everybody’s required to contribute something.”
Wow, I just wanted to make sure you re-read what you wrote. Your friends are ‘required to contribute’ to your wedding? And it’s not a big, multiple host party - it’s your party. Thankfully you paid all the people you listed but a LOT of brides take the whole “my day” thing just a little too far.
The last time I was invited to an event that I was ‘required’ to bring something was a pot luck and that set me back like $12 an a six pack.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I don’t think Aya meant it that way.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 am
@Desi -
I know that she didn’t - but that’s kinda the point. Some brides get so wrapped up in saving some money that they forget exactly what they are asking for.
I’m just hoping to remind some brides out there to stop and think for a second and ask themselves, if they would in turn do what they are asking that other person to do, and if it still sounds like a reasonable request.
If you are asking your Aunt Sue that you only send a christmas card to every year to bake you a 4 layer wedding cake with detailed decorations - stop and think, if she asked you to go in the kitchen and cook mashed potatoes for her 150 guests at her recommitment ceremony in two weeks, and you think you would find a way to get out of it - then maybe you shouldn’t be asking her in the first place.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:30 am
My husband and I were married this past January and we took advantage of off-season discounts. I was also very active on the Knot forums so I knew who was good and affordable. I emailed all of my vendors asking about availability, off-season discounts, and stating that I had heard of them via a recommendation on the Knot. Most vendors did have an off-season discount and a few added another discount for being a “knottie.” While we did go over budget in the end (we blame our mothers - long story, lol), we were able to get a good number of discounts - photographer, DJ, venue, etc..
Oh yeah - and we put everything on a 0% credit card. We paid on it while we were planning and finished paying for it after the wedding (before any interest kicked in). It’s not a plan for everyone, but if you’re good with paying off credit cards, it certainly does take some of the sting of wedding expenses by giving you more time to pay it off.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:11 am
I’ve always been the off-beat one. I’ve never dreamed of a big, white wedding. I plan on the most minimalist wedding, and splurge on the honeymoon. I’d rather have a really small wedding ceremony, and have everyone join me at the honeymoon destination where we can party. A lot more fun for everyone rather than sitting in a stuffy room in a rented suit.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:13 am
The off season tip is a great one! But be aware that at least for hotel ballrooms that doesn’t just mean wedding off season. Sure, most people get married in early summer and fall - but at Christmas time there are lots and lots and lots of corporate holiday parties that are sometimes booked a year in advance.
When the holidays rolled around the cost of these venues went up so much that we usually cancelled half our weekly events and for those we did have, we budgeted up to 30 to 50% more for room rental cost.
Keep that in mind for a Holiday Wedding theme!
October 7th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Thanks for this post!!! I just proposed to my boyfriend this weekend and, lucky girl I am, he agreed! We’re planning to get married in summer of 2010 — plenty of time to design a budget, see what we can request from the folks, what we need out of pocket, etc. No way I’m going in debt for this magic day!
Luckily, I’m beginning a career in event planning, my boyfriend has a lot of ties to the gourmet/wine industry, my housemate is the best meat expert in town, my best friend is getting her MFA in photography, and we know several amazing DJs. I can’t wait to celebrate my union with the help of all of my wonderful friends. And resources like GRS help a ton too!
I had my boyfriend read Your Money or Your Life and we’re getting practice in being financial partners by saving $1000 by February for a trip to Disneyland. I’m so excited to share a future with someone — and his understanding just how important personal finance to me is one of my biggest sources of joy.
edit to add: I’m glad to read all of these comments from people about not abusing the generosity of friends… one friend’s first reaction was ‘Can I please DJ your wedding?’ Another friend did a photo shoot for me for my birthday and was honored that I asked her to donate her time and talent instead of cash, while my sister is a veteran of wedding memory production (she filmed and edited a DVD o my mother’s wedding, since she is a talented visual effects editor @ a major movie studio). I’ll definitely discuss it thoroughly with everyone so we’re all on the same level of what contributions are expected, what is too much, etc.
I just got engaged on Saturday, however… so I’m so excited!
The fact that neither my fiance (eee) or I have consumer debt is a major source of pride. We have 2 years to be as creative as possible for this celebration!
October 7th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I’m a wedding photographer. Brides should understand that there are different tiers of quality among wedding professionals. Just like hotel rooms, cars, and restaurants, you generally get what you pay for. The best always charge full price. If you’re getting a big discount from anyone — that should be a significant red flag.
Many of the brides who saved money by using less skilled vendors don’t publicly admit that they made a serious mistake. Having lackluster photographs to keep for the rest of your life is not fun. Sometimes it’s better to pay a little too much for certain things than not enough.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Thanks for this article, JD! It would never have occurred to me to haggle over prices, or introduce a budget & see what I can get. So often, people who spend a small amount have a grandfather with a farm where they can get married and have friends who play 12 instruments and cousins who are professional photographers. It’s not a realistic suggestion for most people!
My extended family is full of engineers who live in the suburbs (in New Jersey!), so if I want someone to design a machine that dispenses alcohol or someone to construct an antenna that beams wedding footage into space, I’d be set. Catering, not so much.
My family has been looking forward to my/my sisters’ weddings since we were about 16, and I see no reason to deny them the opportunity to do the electric slide. It will be more expensive than my preferred wedding (drive-thru chapel in Vegas!), but ultimately it will be a good time for everyone. My family is worthy of my money.
Anyway, thanks again for writing a REALISTIC article on how to cut costs and not another “exploit your friends & family or fun & profit!” article.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I tried to negotiate with every vendor for my wedding. It really never hurts to ask, and when you win, you can win big. Some were quite willing to bend on prices, often for little or even no concessions. We did make strategic choices, like picking a Friday night instead of Saturday for our venue. We wound up saving almost $50 per person on catering costs between the Friday night choice and giving up one of four courses, all without sacrificing any of the good things the venue was known for. For a 100 person wedding, that’s an awful lot of money.
Also, vendors were willing to throw in extra stuff for no additional cost if they were unwilling to lower the total price or if they were concerned about our budget - just for asking. For example, the florist built up our chuppah above and beyond what we expected simply because they recently built something new for a previous client and she knew that we couldn’t go over our budget with her, but thought that it fit our vision so well. It helps to pick nice vendors, and then treat them nicely!
October 7th, 2008 at 10:48 am
My wife and I were married a few years ago and we did a real budget wedding. We didn’t have a lot of money to work with, having just finished our bachelor’s degrees, bought a house and gotten engaged all within a year and a half. It’s easy enough to save money on a wedding if you really want to, but you have to accept that you won’t have a celebrity style wedding!!
While we didn’t have a huge budget, we did pay for the things that were important to us. We hired student musician’s ($225 for a string trio) to play at the ceremony, we hired a talented commercial photographer who was just starting to build a wedding portfolio ($500), hired a DJ ($300) and decorator ($400), had the cake baked by a local hobby baker and purchased the flowers ourselves - the bridesmaids made the bouquets. We also hired a reasonable venue, a community hall that was quite affordable.
The real “shocker”, where we saved the most money, was on food. Instead of paying for expensive catering, we asked our guests who lived locally to each bring a food dish - potluck style - to the wedding. This might shock some people, as its customary for fancy food to be provided, however honestly our guests seemed thrilled to help out and the spread of food available at the wedding was far more impressive than any catered party I’ve ever seen. Many of our guests told us such after the fact, and 2 friends who attended have since done the same with their own weddings.
Overall everything for our wedding cost about $4500 for 100 guests, including photos, music, tuxes/dress, venue, etc. We had the time of our lives celebrating with our close family and friends and didn’t go into debt doing it. Anyone who would have been turned off or upset about the informal style of our wedding didn’t belong there anyway - we’re not those people!
In the end, it’s about what’s really important to you. For us, the wedding was about celebrating our love for each other with our loved ones, and not about throwing the most impressive party we could concoct. We had a great time and have wonderful memories that will last us the rest of our lives.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I think the thing that surprises me the most about weddings is the expectations that get set. People are consistently worried about not offending others and I’m curious how people managed the expectations of others. It’s difficult enough to deal with differences in opinion with the couple. My girlfriend and I are both pretty frugal, but it is already quite clear to me that she is the one who will drive up the cost of our wedding. Some of it is her and the “this is the most important day of my life” line of thinking (which I see as totally flawed — the wedding day is the commencement of that, it takes a lifetime to actually fulfill the vows). But some of it is just imposed by family. For example, and here’s another topic for you on wedding budgets: the rehearsal dinner. In my family and amongst my friends, these were reasonably low key events. Typically just a dinner in a restaurant. Best I ever attended was a BBQ on a lake. You invited immediate family and wedding party and their signifanct others, along with maybe a handful of other good friends or family. It wasn’t meant to be a huge blowout or an event for everyone who is coming to the wedding. In her family, it’s an unbelievably huge affair, with not just a huge number of guests but also entertainment. And of course the groom is expected to pay for it. And while I don’t think she likes the whole expense, the “I can’t offend my family” seems to be the driving factor in present discussions.
Just exactly when did rehearsal dinners become such an affair? Wedding budgets seemed ridiculous already, they had to expand the chaos into other days?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Here is what we did.
Wedding Dress. Found one for $350 bucks that we could alter to have it the way I wanted. And I had a friends mother alter it (we did pay her) but much cheaper than a tailor.
Wedding flowers: Again I had a friend do it, I did pay her to do them, but we got them cheaper that way.
My mother did all the table decorations. It was a spring wedding, so we used live flowers and “planted them” in baskets.
We got married at our local church, and it was free.
We had our reception at our local church and it was free.
We did not cater the event, I went out and purchased everything we needed, the food, the mints, the napkins, silverwear ect from different places. We used a bakery to make big sheetcakes as part of the refreshments.
My aunt made my wedding cake, this was her wedding present to me.
Now this was the day’s before digital, we did have a photographer, not cheap and frankly wasn’t that good. If I could do it over, I’d just have someone I knew do it, and pay them.
Tuxes we couldn’t get cheaper.
We printed our own invites
Back then I could drop off many of the invites and it was cheaper, but with gas now, it probably would not be.
No alcohol
I borrowed a hoop skirt (instead of purchase one).
I did spend good money on shoes though, not something to skimp on as your feet will hurt.
And our clergy that married us was free.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Being wedding professionals ourselves, we get people that ask us for deals. We usually don’t give them for several reasons:
First, we feel it’s unfair to all of our clients who don’t get one. Second, we don’t need to, we’re usually booked up and turning people away.
Third, it seems like when we used to give deals those were the clients that were most difficult to work with and expected you to go above and beyond your contractual duties even though they weren’t willing to pay your price (they’re usually the biggest pains and tried to take advantage of us later).
Fourth, we are expensive because we use top of the line well maintained equipement, all those little things that most vendors don’t do to save you a few bucks may cost in the final product (like putting new batteries in our microphones each wedding, using only new tapes, having 5 microphones set up at your ceremony, getting cameras serviced, having back-up cameras, having a dependable car).
Fifth, You can quickly get caught in the slippery slope of discounts and not end up making any money (you gave so and so a discount so I’d like one too).
We have noticed at the thousands of weddings that we’ve attending is that you get what you pay for. Usually the most expensive in the area command that price because they’re the best and they don’t have to give deals to fill slots. We turn away many people simply because we can’t take any more weddings each year.
My best advice to get a good deal is to plan ahead, we’ve booked client for 2010 and they’re locked in to our prices now. Clients who did that 3 years ago saved themselves 50% over our current prices. Choose good quality and don’t spend your money on places it doesnt’ matter, printed napkins, favors, etc.
And like all those others before: Friends don’t ask their friends to give them free services at their weddings. Real friends offer to pay and let the other offer or give something else. We refuse to work for friends in any case, don’t want any hard feelings or missunderstanding to ruin a friendship.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
The people saying that you get what you pay for all seem to be wedding professionals. How odd.
Here’s a counterexample. My cousin paid around $5,000 for a professional photographer for her wedding. That price included the photography and two wedding albums — it didn’t include the digital negatives, and anyone who wanted copies of any of the pictures got to order them from the photographer at $10+ per print plus $20 s/h.
My cousin certainly paid enough to get some damn good pictures. Unfortunately, she didn’t. While the pictures of the bride and groom turned out well, the family portraits were terrible*, and there were more pictures of wedding details like wrapping paper, bows, and ribbons than there were candid shots of family members.
Paying the fool money price doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get a great product.
*No, really, they were terrible. Very bad wide-angle lens action going on there.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
The completely ridicolously over-the-top weddings seems to be a US-thing. Speding $2000 on *photos* from the wedding ? That gets pretty close to what we spent on our wedding in *total*.
A wedding is about uniting two people in love. Not about tons and tons of tons of material crap. It’s not as if you’ll have a happier marriage with a $25K wedding than with a $5K one.
Use the money you save for something that DOES matter; securing your financial future. Financial difficulties, in contrast to $5K weddings, *ARE* among the most frequent reasons a couple break up.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’m surprised no one’s mentioned the cost of a big sit-down reception. We did the whole thing as a series of fancy hors d’oeuvre; like dim sum, those little plates add up and everyone got plenty to eat. (It also meant that while I was running around trying to spend time with everyone, I managed to get enough calories to keep from passing out.) We had chairs for those who wanted to sit and floor space for those who wanted to circulate or dance, and it was so much nicer than being stuck at a table with seven people you’ve never met and will never see again. It also let us use a smaller space, which saved a lot of money, and we didn’t have to do table centerpieces and all that ridiculous fluffy stuff.
I definitely second asking friends and family to help. My mother is a caterer; she did all the food and the cake, which let her feel useful and kept her out of our hair! My husband’s dear friend is a florist and did the flowers. We had the ceremony and reception at a restaurant where we know the owners. An ex-boyfriend of mine did the video and a former coworker took the photos. My first boyfriend makes books and bound our guest book as well as a little book that held our homemade wedding vows. My husband’s stepfather gave us the run of his apartment (conveniently located in Osaka; we paid for the air tickets with frequent flier miles) for our honeymoon so that we didn’t need to stay in a hotel. We didn’t need anything sleek and super-fancy; it meant a lot more that everything had a personal touch from someone we care about. When we offered to pay, some people insisted on making it a gift and others gave us discounts.
Finally, I heartily recommend DIY and avoiding the wedding industry for everything possible. Ask your bridesmaids to wear dresses in a certain color and then let them do their own shopping wherever they like; I ended up getting my maid of honor’s dress on eBay, and we bought our shoes at a little independent shoe store. Buy flowers wholesale and arrange them yourself. Print your own invitations. Research local non-chain hotels and go there in person to negotiate discounts for your traveling guests. Do your own wedding favors: ours were little jars of organic dried thyme and oregano (our favorite cooking herbs), which we labeled with stickers that had our names and the date and then put into little gift bags that were super-cheap from an online wholesaler. Not only do our friends love them and tell us that they enjoy cooking with them, but we kept the extras and still use them, with a smile every time.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Gunnar,
In the US many extended families only get together for weddings and funerals. “Photos” are a way of remembering all the people who came together to celebrate the previous stage of your life and the next stage in your life.
Photos are also a reminder of how you felt when you chose to marry someone. When half of couples get divorced, this can be an extraordinarily valuable asset to a relationship when times get tough.
Photos are not about material crap.
Ken
October 7th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
My plan for my wedding (that is at least 3 years out once BF finishes law school) is to make my dress, go to the court room and have a giant BBQ for family/friends at our family farm.
Even that will probably run us a couple thousand dollar between cost of food, beer/wine and renting tables/chairs for everyone. But it will be exactly what I want. I would die from stress if I tried to host an “event” instead of a fun party (I can do parties, I’m good at them! events stress me out)
October 7th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
The best way to save $$ on a wedding (from a father’s perspective) is to offer up X dollars to your kids and say that’s it!
Then, tell them…
1. You can spend it all - and more out of your pocket. (though I strongly discourage debt for anyone - especially newlyweds!!!)
2. You can spend less than X and I’ll give you the balance in cash
When it’s “their” money to spend - or not spend - I’ve found that they get a little more frugal/practical/efficient with the money.
My wife & I got married on less than $300 over 27 years ago… and we’re a whole lot better off than all of our siblings that spent much, much more - and they’re all divorced.
The amount of money spent on a wedding might…. or might not make for a great wedding, but it has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you will have a great marriage!!!!
October 7th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
My advice is spend money on what means a lot to you and less on things that you don’t care about.
Things that meant a lot to us:
Photographer: We paid $2000 for the best photographer in that price range.
Location: We had a scenic outdoor ceremony on the mountains.
Food: We like quality food.
Music: Hired a string quartet for ceremony only. CD music at the reception.
Dress: Custom-made but only $450.
Drinks: The caterer offered a bartender for $150 and we bought the all the drinks ourselves, no corkage fee or anything. So the guests were very happy.
Things that we did not care to spend much but still important:
No DJ, just CD music. We brought a CD changer. The best man did the announcements.
Flowers - bought everything from Costco $200. Arranged by friends and family.
Honeymoon: 5 days in NYC (not that exciting but good enough for us as we were preparing for a 6-month trip)
Cake: From a lady that works out of her home (with professional equipment)
Video: We bought a brand new video camera and had a student shoot the video.
Favors/centerpieces: Glass candle holders with ribbon filled with dried petals that my husband gave me over the years. More meaningful.
Limo: No need, the ceremony and reception was in the same location.
The focus was on family and friends: priceless.
-Charlotte
October 7th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I am a wedding photographer. http://www.williambayphotography.com I will share with you my costs so you can see where the money goes for those of you that think that a 3,000 to 5,000 dollar wedding is over the top:
Sales commission (15%): $450
Second Photographer: $300
Equipment rental: $300
Online Proofing: $50
Proof Album: $100
Subtotal: $1,200
This is just a basic offering. If you want an album then you would be looking at an additional $1,200. (the cost of the album and binding is $500, plus my time designing it).
I also use a super 8mm camera to capture some motion and incorporate that into a DVD slideshow. So I need to pay my editor.
So out of my base $3,000 package that is $1,800 that I profit… But wait there’s more. I spend a week editing the photos in addition to the 6-8 hours on Saturday shooting. It ends up being more than 40 hours for any given wedding.
Plus the fact that Uncle Sam wants 40% of my money.
It may seem like a lot of money for “just a bunch of pictures” but Ken said it right when he said that these are your memories. Along with your dress, the photos will be the only thing left to remember it. And you really want someone who knows what they’re doing. You may be able to skate by with a student or something (I remember shooting my first few weddings for $600 and still use some of those in my portfolio), but to get professional results it will cost you.
It is after all a business. And I run mine like a business. P&L, expenses, overhead, equipment. Not to mention experience and artistic value. It all factors in.
On the other hand I do work with people. And if people have the courage to ask for a discount because they like my work, I will do what I can to make it work out. Like Anne said above it must be short notice for a date I have available, they must be excited about my work, and there really should be budget considerations. I have done pro bono work, and have shot weddings for friends for the price of a roundtrip ticket and accommodations.
I don’t want to get rich by gouging people. My wedding pricing is pretty close to what my portrait work is when you break it down.
And, in fact I actually give half of the sales of my photo shirts to disaster relief (once a tsunami volunteer - always one).
But I still need to make sure that I am covering my operating expenses and still making a profit. The photographers that you find on Craigslist, etc. don’t understand that yet. And in this digital photography age it is easy to not see that there are still expenses to cover for each wedding.
I guess the moral is really… Just Ask.
October 7th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Gaurav here…Good information about wedding planning negotiating. DJs are willing to negotiate as well as photographers due to stiff competition. I always try to get up to 3 quotes and once I have the high- middle - low quotes, I know pretty much what my wiggle room is. That is a good negotiating start.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
In 1931 my grandfather sent a letter back to his hometown in Sicily to ask for a suitable bride to be sent to him in America. My grandmother was matched to him (an original mail order bride) and with money my grandfather have sent to her bought a third class ticket to join him in Cleveland. Once she arrived they went to the local Catholic church and exchanged vows and wedding rings (10 dollars a piece). From there they walked to my great grand mothers house to celebrate with a lunch cooked by relatives. This marriage sadly ended earlier this year with the parting of my grandfather.
So what I think we can all take from this is that just because you can spend oodles of money for ice sculptures and custom wedding DVD’s does not guarantee anything. Only a lifetime and investment in each other can yield a long and fruitful life together.
Some other fun facts about my grandparents:
-My grandfather was 17 my grandmother 14 on their wedding day.
-My grandmother did not speak English when she arrived and didn’t really learn till WWII.
-My grandfather was buried with his wedding ring, my grandmother is still wearing hers.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Saying an expensive wedding is a waste of money is like saying an expensive car is a waste of money. Or any expensive thing. It all boils down to what your budget can handle, and what’s important to you.
I personally had a lovely wedding for less than $7000. My cousin had a lovely wedding for less than $800. My best friend had a lovely wedding for less than $20,000. In all cases, everything from the catering to the photography was paid for in cash. The money had been set aside for this purpose, and each of us spent it in ways that made us happy and made our celebration special.
It sounds like a lot of people are pretty bitter about weddings in general, and I have to wonder why…?
October 7th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
We did our wedding for under $4,000, in a hot air balloon over Sonoma Country, CA, with ensuing champagne reception and an evening dinner, with about 10 guests, three of whom we flew in from other parts in the country, and for all of whom we paid for a nice hotel room (that’s included in the $4,000 mentioned above). Since everybody wanted to pitch in, and since we had two complete households and didn’t want any presents, everybody got to. My best friend is a passionate baker and wanted to make the cake–check. My other best friend is great with makeup and hair–check. Another friend put the bouquet and the boutonniere together–check–and yet another one is a really good photographer–check that, too. We took everybody up with us in the hot air balloon, where the pilot (an ordained minister) performed the ceremony, and we tossed rose petals in the air and blew bubbles at the unsuspecting people “down there.” The champagne reception was great (we used an iPod with speakers as “DJ”), as was the ensuing winetasting at Kendall Jackson for which I had downloaded coupons from the internet. We had booked the evening dinner (balloon weddings are in the early morning) as a family reunion in a hip gourmet restaurant (Rocker Oysterfeller in Valley Forge/ Sonoma County, CA), which meant that we got to eat a la carte and to listen to the live band there who, when they found out that we’d gotten married in the morning, played a few songs for us. Major check.
My tip: Keep it simple, the guest list short, and add one unforgettable moment to your big day that your guests will keep remembering forever (for us, this was the balloon ride). If you’re offered help from friends and family, accept it; it allows them to participate in your big day rather than being a “consumerist recipient” of the fun. And ditch the costly wedding planners–you can do this yourself if you’re organized and know how to use tools like those at theknot.com.
October 8th, 2008 at 6:09 am
is anyone else a little creeped out by the “eavesdropping” posts? i think i would be horrified if i found that my diner/gym/wherever conversations were being listened to, transcribed, and published on the internet, where anyone could read them at any time now and into the future. i guess the concept of privacy doesn’t mean much anymore.
October 8th, 2008 at 6:14 am
Well said Anne. Best post on here.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:45 am
The “just asking” tip works well for a lot of things, not just weddings. For example, friends of our saved 15% off of their medical bills from when they had a baby last year. Just because they asked.
Just ask - it can’t hurt - and could help a ton!
October 9th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
hey! i resent that! i work in the wedding industry and not everybody is like that!
but still… I do calligraphy and wedding invitations and I try to be fair with my prices all the time!
ok, I DO NOT resent it, I was just kidding
btw I have a blog of personal finances too, and Ive been following you since quite some time. Love your blog!
October 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Weddings have become like most things, a competition for the best or biggest. People feel others may not be impressed by a smaller or less expensive wedding, so they put on an expensive show. Remember, if your guests have fun, that’s all that counts (and skip the Electric Slide).
October 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
@ S. Flemming
I agree, a wedding is simply the first step in hopefully a life together. Our wedding cost perhaps $200 and almost 25 years later I’m still somewhat embarrassed by how hockey it was. On the other hand I’ve been to several top of the line expensive weddings, and at first it used to really bother me, but seeing all of them end in divorce after a year or two has tempered my feelings about our wedding.
I personally expect as America is forced to live within its means that low key weddings will become the norm again.
BTW I often tell people that I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life but marrying my Wife wasn’t one of them.
January 19th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
We are a videography/photography company here in Las Vegas. I would always work with anyone’s budget. I don’t think a bride and groom should start their life off together in total debt. I wan’t them to have the memories so I think videography and photography is important.
I disagree with Aya who says that he intends to have all his friends be the DJ, photogrdapher etc because they should be allowed to enjoy their special day rather than have to “work” so I think it is actually rude unless they offer.
October 20th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Great article. Wedding service fees are negotiable. (As most services are.) There is so much competition in the wedding services industry that most companies will offer a discount if you just ask. You can also save big by having your wedding in the “off season”.