Lately my personal focus has been on finding balance in my life. I’m trying to discover the proper place for money — and for time. Over the past few years, I’ve allowed money to become too important. I’ve worked too much, and that has hurt other aspects of my life. I don’t have time for anything else.
As part of this process, I’ve been reading the new edition of Your Money or Your Life, the classic book that influenced so many of us here at Get Rich Slowly. One of the authors’ main points is that time really is money. Or, approaching it from the other direction, money is time. They write:
Money is something we choose to trade our life energy for. Our life energy is our allotment of time here on earth, the hours of precious life available to us. When we go to our jobs we are trading our life energy for money. [...]
Our life energy is more real in our actual experience than money. You could even say money equals life energy. So, while money has no intrinsic reality, our life energy does — at least to us. It’s tangible, and it’s finite. Life energy is all we have. It is precious because it is limited and irretrievable and because our choices about how we use it express the meaning and purpose of our time here on Earth.
I know this sounds a little New Age-y, but it’s a profound concept. As it did for many GRS readers, this notion changed my life. But in some ways, it’s an abstraction. I can talk about trading my life energy for money, but I don’t know what this actually means in practice. I met somebody the other night who understands all too well.
Time is greater than money
When my friend Sparky died in January, a group of his friends met after the memorial service to share our memories of him and to reconnect. Most of us hadn’t seen each other since high school graduation, over 20 years ago. That first meeting was fruitful, and we’ve continued to meet once a month ever since.
We got together again last Friday, and this time Jonathan made an appearance. Jonathan was a good friend in junior high and high school, but I haven’t seen him since we graduated. He’s one of those people who just seemed to fall off the face of the earth. We spent some time Friday catching up.
I told him my story, about my struggles with debt and my current career as a professional blogger. “I don’t even know what that is,” Jonathan laughed. I explained that my goal was to turn my former problems with debt into something good, and to help others avoid similar mistakes (or to recover from them) in the future.
“What about you?” I asked. “What have you done with your life?”
Jonathan took a deep breath. “Well, after graduation I got a good job,” he said. “I didn’t go to college, but I learned a trade. I’m an electrician. I got married right after high school to a wonderful woman. We had a daughter and had another one on the way. We were married for almost eight years — but then they both died during childbirth.”
“Oh my god, Jonathan,” I said. My heart ached for him.
“Yeah,” he said. “We were deeply in love, and when I lost her, I was no good for a long time. I’ve managed to turn things around in the last ten years, but for a while it was a real struggle.”
He paused for a moment, and then added, “Earlier, you were talking about money. Here’s the thing about money: I’m not willing to sell my life anymore. When I was young, I was willing to work 60 hours a week. Or more. I was making gobs of money. We had a house and all the stuff that went along with it. I wanted more. I had plans and dreams.”
“But that ended in an instant. All of that vanished when my wife died. It just didn’t matter anymore. I’ve often thought that if there were some way I could buy back time with her, I would. I’d go deep into debt. I think anybody would. And that’s what people don’t understand. I could work 60 hours a week now, too, but I refuse to do it. I’m offered promotions, but I turn them down. These aren’t the things that are important to me. Time is important. Family is important. Life is important.”
“That’s a fantastic point,” I said, “but it can be so difficult to remember. I write a lot about working hard to earn money now so that you can essentially buy time in the future.”
“Yeah, J.D., but what about today? When you reach the end of your life, you’re not going to say, ‘I wish I had more money.’ You’re going to wish you had more time, and that you’d spent more time with your loved ones while you could. If you had a magical credit card and you could buy back the days of your life, how far in debt would you go and not even care?”
“That’s an interesting question,” I said. “I guess ultimately we each need to find a balance between time and money. That’s what’s tough.”
Choosing time
Jonathan has lived through the sort of thing that many of us only have nightmares about. He now has an innate understanding of the “life energy” concept described in Your Money or Your Life. His story affected me deeply. In fact, his words changed my behavior later that very night.
As our group moved from restaurant to bowling alley to karaoke bar, I was tempted to go home. I needed to write. I needed to work. I didn’t have anything ready for Get Rich Slowly. I was about ready to say my good-nights then I thought of what Jonathan had said earlier about the importance of time over money. When I was on my deathbed, which memory would I treasure? That I had gone home to write about money? Or that I had watched Jonathan belt out Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”? That question was easy to answer.
I stayed out late, watching my friends laugh and sing.
A couple of geeky friends grown older…
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The points about working for money also doesn’t mean if you spend sixty hours a week at your job or work the occasional weekend because you’ve chosen to (for whatever reason) that you have to miss out on other things. I feel the real problem is focus. Too many people, especially with computer e-mail, text messages, and crackberries, are never separated from their jobs or from others screaming for instant attention leaving them to never feel free to focus on what they are doing now, right infront of them.
If you’re on vacation, be on vacation and don’t be checking your crackberry every two minutes.
If you’re helping your kid with a project for scouts, put your cell phone on vibrate and let them leave a voice mail.
If you’ve set up an evening with the spouse, be in the evening looking at each other and not at the latest text from your friend about the game or asking if you can believe so and so was seen dating you know who.
Good memories occur when you are focusing in the moment (note: the term is “focusing”, not “forcing” the moment). You can work hard and still have your weekends, your evenings, and your vacations if you plan for them and plan on really being part of them. Being engaged with friends and family, mentally and physically regardless of how much “time” you spend with them, allows the opportunities for the great memories to happen.
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@getagrip (#51)
Great comment. I agree entirely. I’ve been very guilty of not keeping my work separate from my play time for the past two years. (And, in fact, I was guilty on this post. As Jonathan was telling us his story, I asked the table, “Does anyone have pen and a paper? I need to write this down.” And then I transcribed parts of the conversation.)
But I’ve come to the conclusion that I need some separation between my work life and my home life. I thought working from home was going to be fantastic. And many parts of it are. But I’m not capable of walling off work from non-work, so I’ve just rented space in an office building up the street. It seems like an unnecessary expense, but I’m going to give it a go for a year. If I can use that to reclaim my life, it’ll be money well-spent.
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@ CurlyDee: The point isn’t to be happy for every single second of your life. I think it’s worth a year or two of the misery you complain about to clean up your mess from spending years living above your means and to then be able to find balance and happiness long-term.
Financial stress literally kills people. You cannot live every day “as if it’s your last” by using debt. Some sacrifice (either more work to pay off debt or scaling back lifestyle to stay debt free) is worth it in the present to be free of financial stress (and all the benefits that brings) long-term.
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My husband WAS on his deathbed at age 44 (dying from pancreatic cancer).
And what did he do? Literally. Throughout his late 20′s and 30′s, he played with a group of guys on a softball team. He probably hadn’t seen them for 5 years or so -work commitments. He picked up the phone, from the hospital, and he called each and every one of them, and they all came to his bedside. And what did they talk about? Statistics — from all the softball games and tournaments they had played in together. Amazingly, (or not), they all had so many of the statatics memorized too. There was such commraderie, so much laughter, as they remininsced, play by play from so many of their games. Oh, and one more thing – they ALL showed up wearing their old baseball uniforms. It was a sight in the corrider of the hospital. They gave him a brand new baseball glove, a Wilson A2000 or something, signed with all of their names. That had been his favorite glove at the time and what he had used as a first baseman. Well he died 5 days later, and he wanted that glove in his casket. And that’s where we put it.
Anyway – it’s been several years later, and I’m blessed to be in another wonderful relationship, but memories of loved ones stay in your heart forever.
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This article is SO very timely. We now, because of my husband’s job, live in a place where we have no real friends, live far from relatives and we both desperately want to live in the mountains. We decided to give up living to work. So today, my husband is submitting his resigation to accept a postion four hours closer to family, working basically a 9 to 5 job in a city in the mountains (for a lot less money). Our problem is: what is the best way to transition from a working life to a living life? How to we take our current financial situation and scale it back so we can live–and play. We do plan to sell our house and some other property we own. But what do we do in the meantime? I’m also giving up a very mediocre job and hope to create my own business doing something I love to do. We are about ten years from retirement age.
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This is something I struggle with, as I normally work 60+ hours a week (and Mr. Sam generally puts in about the same). This past weekend I didn’t work at all and while I got a lot of great things done on the home front I felt some anxiety about not working and how much I have to do this week, etc. So much anxiety that I woke up this morning at about 3:30 in the a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I was raised by parents who valued time over money and I had a fantastic childhood in great part to the fact that my family spent the whole summer together and other big chunks of time during the year. But I also always felt poor and as a result I, and my brother too, both have ended up putting greater value on money vs. time. But I’m still very good about making time for and enjoying my family and friends.
I need and want to work less (I really want to stop putting in weekend time) but its hard to do so. Once people are used to you working 60+ hours a week it becomes nomral and then if you try and cut back they think you are slacking off.
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Thanks for the post. I love this website just for the wealth of information you can dive into. But this post is infinite for its worth becauce it is the real peace everyone strives for but do not know that for themsleves before it is to late. Nice to be reminded to not to look for it in money.
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Thanks for sharing the story. My parents are getting older, and it reminds me there things that can only be done while you are young and strong. I keep this as a reminder to live a little now – who knows how long the future will last.
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And so, you spend time regardless of whether you get money for it. I could have stayed home form work today. I’d still have spent eight hours, but I would have spent it in exchange for another experience. The experience I get from eight hours of work conveniently comes with $300 or so, which is nice. Had I stayed home, would I have experienced something that was worth trading $300 for? Maybe, maybe not.
The key here is that it’s not time we’re spending for money, it’s experience. You could argue that they’re the same thing, but I don’t think they are. J.D. talks about spending the evening out with his friends, and I agree, that’s a very valuable experience. Probably worth more than the amount of money that could be made in the same amount of time. However, in the same amount of time you could have sat at home and watched TV for four hours. You would have been better off working. Not simply for the money, but because, at the end of your life looking back over your collection of experiences, you’ll feel better for having done something productive than you would have for sitting around watching television.
And that’s one more thing to note — when you’ve elected to spend your time on an experience that earns money, that doesn’t mean that it’s an otherwise worthless experience. I’ve had a lot of good things come out of work. I’ve met friends at work. I’ve had fun at work. I feel like I accomplish things at work. I’d rather have those experiences than the TV watching experience, and I get paid for them to boot.
You get maybe 75 years or so of time that you can exchange for a body of experiences. Feeling like you were able to accomplish something, to help other people out (even including things like being able to pay for your family’s medical care), and to know what it’s like to be able to take care of yourself — those are all valuable experiences to add to your body of experience, and they all come from working.
How do you decide what experiences are worth spending your precious time? Pick the ones that will make you proud of your life, whether you get paid for them or not.
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I love these sorts of discussions at GRS.
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Shara @35, you mixed up the ant and the grasshopper. The ant is the planner, the grasshopper is the screw-up.
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Wonderful post, J.D. Thank you. And wow, what terrific follow-up comments — Tyler @#59 especially.
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@Doug (#19)
“I never once heard a [terminally ill patient] wish they spent more time making money.”
No, but a lot of healthy people facing retirement do.
This old saying gets trotted out a lot, and there’s a good reason. It’s catchy, and serves to justify an indulgent lifestyle. But how true is it? Of course, someone at death’s door will value “more time” at an enormous premium over “more money.” But what about the other 99% of their life, when their (perceived) available time vastly exceeds their available money? Do people in line at the food bank stand there, reminiscing about all the time they spent with their family on vacations? Does a senior who has to choose which medicine to afford this month say “that’s OK, at least I got to see Paris.”?
In truth, a lot of people DO wish they’d saved more money for their golden years. Crippled and broke is a horrible, horrible way to spend one’s final few years.
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Hi,
This is the first time I’m visiting your site and I have to say that for the very first post I read I’m really impressed. I was very lucky in that I was able to build a business working from home when my daughter was born and now that its up and running I’m finding that I just love that it gives me so much flexible time and a good income. I do have to be on call between 9 – 5 but I’ve learned to mentally leave my desk at 5pm and NOT answer the phone. In the beginning I would answer at all hours and realized that it was not helping but hurting my quality of time with my family. So, I adjusted that. Now, I could probably make more money working in an office of my field but I don’t think there could be enough compensation for the time that I would miss with my family. I feel truly blessed and to add to that now I’m going to finally be debt free in a few months!! Thanks for this post and for reminding me why I made the choices that I did…
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Hey J.D.,
I’m a results oriented person and can relate to what you’re saying about creating balance. I’ve left my wife on the back burner a few times in the pursuit of wanting bigger or better results.
Most of the time I don’t even realize how much time I spend blogging or building my business to acquire these results…
…. well, I just got back from a week long vacation in Mexico and learned something really valuable about myself.
I had such an amazing time with friends and with my soul mate and wife Trisha. She’s my best buddy.
I learned to really love people again; to listen, watch and really connect with the people that matter to me the most.
I couldn’t put a price tag on that.
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Interestingly I was reading an academic article this weekend that spoke of this very subject – life-force energy being spent to earn money.
The author’s point was that it is a misconception that labor is a simple exchange of one commodity for another (the laborer’s effort for money) because the labor is attached to a human being and cannot be extricated from that person. I thought of it in the way that you cannot remove your labor from your personhood to trade it in for money, like you could trade a gold watch or a TV.
The article was not related to personal finance at all, it was about deviant occupations and the actual cost of engaging in deviant behavior to earn a living. But just as applicable here.
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I am surprised that there were not more commenters looking at the flip side of this issue. When you are young, you have life energy in spades…my boyfriend and I work overtime now because we are young and healthy with energy to spare…putting in 60 hours/week now is probably equivalent in terms of energy to putting in 40 hours/week when I am in my 50s/60s, and probably 20 hours/week as I get older.
When you put in extra hours earning money when you are younger, you will are not wasting time in favor of money, you are earning money in order to “bank” that time so you can retire and do what you want. I think all this “live for the now” mentality just justifies the instant gratification nonsense that gets us into financial trouble in the first place. The person on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time with family/friends is a touching image, but a) statistically most people are going to live to retirement age, and b) you can’t spend more time with your family/friends if they aren’t available because they’re working overtime getting ready for their retirement.
I think the trick is to know exactly what your goal is and then you can decide what the balanced way of reaching that goal is. Also, since we all have a tendency to set a new, higher goal once we’ve reached the original goal then we are never rewarding ourselves with the fruit of our labors. If we rewarded ourselves more for the things we do right instead of assuming that goals always have to be out of reach and setting new ones, we might be a lot happier.
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Very moving and poignant article indeed. Thank you so much for sharing this lesson. I agree with the message and also agree with Kevin. I actually think that somehow a balance can be found between these. Kevin is right – we need to live as though we will live long, full lives. We need to be responsible in order to take care of our families and plan for our futures. A ‘live in the now’ outlook can only be sustainable for so long, especially for someone who has a family.
However, there are many things we can do now. We can be mindful, appreciating what we have around us. We can aim to pursue what makes us happy and what activities bring meaning to our lives. Rather than throwing caution to the wind, I believe that all we need to do is really be conscious of what brings us joy, and cultivate that as much as possible.
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@Marie
LOL! That’s what I get for thinking faster than I’m writing. As a Disney child I saw the cartoon version a few hundred times. At least it shows someone actually took the time to read what I had to say!
Thinking on the Disney cartoon, does the song “The World Owes Me a Livin’” bother anyone else?
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Why do some people here assume that “living for now” means overspending and living beyond your means? If you want to work yourself in the grave, go ahead – just don’t assume that those who don’t chose to live that way are setting themselves up for debt and poverty.
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Right after our wedding, my wife and I worked overtime whenever it was available in order to pad our nest egg. My mother saw what was happening, and told us to slow down and enjoy life. When I told her that we needed the money, she responded that we needed a vacation. “You’ll never get this time back” she said. When I responded that we didn’t have the money for a vacation, she told me “Borrow the money! Your father and I worked long hours, now he’s dead, and there won’t be any more vacations for us. Enjoy your youth.” We’ve heeded her advice quite often when work became crazy. You can’t recoup lost time.
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What a moving story. My husband and I have both made choices to work less, or stay in more flexible, lower-paying jobs in order to have more time with each other and our kids. It’s a choice that doesn’t get a lot of validation, and this was a vivid reminder that we’re on the right track.
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Great post, brought me to tears.
Thank you.
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Great story – I also think it’s interesting that by choosing quality time over prepping the blog, you were able to find something noteworthy to blog about. That’s the way my life usually rolls. Since I’m in school, if I focus too much on school and learning, I hardly ever have desire to blog about interesting things. If I choose quality activities outside of the library, blogging (and life, of course) becomes so much more enjoyable. Definitely something to think about. Thanks again.
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Kevin #63: Good counterpoint.
This is what I call, “Plan for Tomorrow, Plan for Today.” I plan my money for the future, but also plan my money for today and tomorrow. I believe in balance – living and enjoying my youth, and planning as though I will live to 80. I don’t know if I will. If I am to live that long, and faced with the choice of medicine or not (if healthcare stays the same as today), I do indeed think I could say “At least I got to see Barcelona”. If I don’t make it to 80, at least I learned to scuba dive.
Ninna #70 – I agree. Living for now doesn’t mean overspending to do it. Balance is the keyword in the title. I don’t plan on being broke now, or later. There are some things that I want to do that can only be done now while I’m young and healthy. It is inevitable that I will only be blessed with good health for so long. If we all live long enough, we will become frail.
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Congrats JD, this may well be your best post so far.
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Powerful, powerful, powerful.
Thank you, J.D.
(I now remember why I stop by here every day…)
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Thanx for sharing this story J.D….when we made a choice to get our financial lives in order in January 2009, I also made a committment to eliminate all of the “things” or “activities” that were taking up my precious time and that weren’t benefiting our entire family. I’ve even gone as far as marking days off on my calendar that are strictly “family days”. Just us…all day! My daughters and my husband are glad to have me back!!!!
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Good read…very good stuff. You are great!
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@63, I don’t think the people coming up on retirement need to have been spending more time making money. I think they need to have spent more time *saving* money. Saving money, handily, can often overlap with spending more time with family and friends — taking the kids camping, playing softball with friends like the husband mentioned in the touching story above. A lot of people say, “I’ll just make a lot more money, and then I’ll have enough to save.” But as this blog has shown, it’s not a matter of making a ton of money, it’s a matter of reordering priorities and looking for better ways to live.
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This is an interesting post. I’ve been reading GRS for a while now, and one of the things that has struck me is that for the most part, most of my debt hasn’t come from buying stuff, but from sharing experiences with friends. I spent my twenties really involved in building a community of friends with whom I’ve traveled, spent holidays, laughed, grown, and learned. I’m pretty non-traditional in a lot of ways, and these people are my family of choice. From a strictly financial point of view, I shouldn’t have done a lot of the things that I’ve done. For example: going to Bali last year for my friends’ wedding (even with the free plane tickets) because I really couldn’t “afford” to take two weeks off plus the other expenses. But spending two weeks with 25 of my favorite people in a beautiful place and celebrating my friends marriage was worth every single penny in credit card interest I’ll ever have to pay for it.
A new pair of shoes on the other hand? Oh hell no!
My priorities are shifting now, and I’m about three months into a radical shift in how I approach my money. I don’t have a lot of “Stuff” but I do have a decent amount of debt. I also have a lot of amazing stories, pictures, experiences and relationships from that debt. It’s time (for a number of reasons) to do things differently, but I think, on the whole, I wouldn’t change much about the past or how I got into the debt.
The happy memories make it easier to change my money practices now, and I know that after a few years of doing things differently, there will be plenty of resources to keep building community and traveling and sharing with friends without going into debt or dipping into long-term savings.
Thanks for the perspective.
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“If you had a magical credit card and you could buy back the days of your life, how far in debt would you go and not even care?”
But you would have the pay the money back eventually, plus interest, unless you plan to die in debt and screw over your creditors.
So all you would be doing is trading your future time (and probably MORE of your future time, unless you expect your hourly rate to increase more than inflation plus the interest) for your past time.
This story only works for people who feel morally comfortable with dying in debt and screwing their creditors.
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This is exactly how I think about money. Money = time. You have to spend your time doing something you don’t want to do in order to survive. From the first job I got I realize that in no way did I want to work until I was 65 years old. I started saving every little bit that I could. Every time I buy something I think about the time that the product costs. I don’t think of it as money. You’re really giving away part of your life every time you buy something because if you had enough money, say $1 million, you could stop working and all your time would be yours. I think about money retirement all the time and I’m only 22 years old. Some may say this is not a good way to live, always thinking about every purchase you make, but I would rather do that than work my life away. The plan is to retire at 40 and I have worked out the numbers and seen that it is very possible.
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I think you have to find a balance. Like, my husband and I both work. I could technically stay home with our young kids, but we’d be barely scraping by. With me working, we are comfortable and have insurance and savings. But, I am in the fortunate position of being able to work only 30 hours a week. My employer would let me work 40 if I wanted to, and I think sometimes the $$ would be nice, but I like the time with the kids more. I think it’s rather short-sighted to say time is more important though. Like another poster basically said, people in a food line aren’t happily reminiscing over vacations to Paris!
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I think this is a great post. This is exactly what I’m trying to do as of right now, trying to find a balance.. I’m twenty and for the past 2 years, money and frugality is what I’ve been too concerned about. I’ve been missing way too many moments that I could have shared with my friends and family.
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I don’t know if anyone will read this but I had to comment. I will say “Amen” to this post. Let me start by sharing something I stood up to say at my cousin’s funeral in 1999. He died from a rare blood disorder at the age of 35. He had been sick for only six months. He left a wife and 3-month old son. I told the family gathered there, “Take the time to spend with family. We will take out our credit cards to buy all kinds of junk, why not take it out occasionally to spend some time with those we love.”
I had learned that lesson the hard way only 18 months before my cousin died when my brother was killed by a drunk driver. He was only 37. It absolutely devastated my life. When my cousin became ill (he entered the hospital on the one-year anniversary of my brother’s death) I took a week out and spent it with him in a hospital room in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins Hospital. I couldn’t afford the airfare, meals, etc. So what. I would never trade those precious moments with a guy I had grown up with, who was as close to me as my own brother.
This Saturday will be two years since my 19-year old niece was killed in a traffic accident. I couldn’t afford the hotel bills and rental car bills that we incurred during the week I spent at my sister’s helping to take care of her family throughout the days before and following the funeral. But I wouldn’t have done it one bit differently.
I get frustrated at times with all the emphasis on saving for retirement. I have nowhere near the amount of money the experts say I should have with my husband now 53 and me at 47, but I have learned too well that we do not know what tomorrow brings so I will spend money on vacations with my family and on other events because I know that the memories I make today may be the only ones my family has tomorrow.
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@David (37)
Actually, I remember soccer as a life changer. Not only do I have amazing memories of playing organized and schoolyard pickup soccer as a kid, but I also met a lot of cool people in college because of soccer.
My point is that a sport like soccer and other “family” activities don’t have to be mutually exclusive. My family ate dinner together every night. We took vacations. There was plenty of lazy time. But I also worked hard at school, honored my commitments, and spent a lot of time playing a game I loved.
I agree you shouldn’t overbook yourself with commitments. That’s silly. Just be careful when you claim a sport shouldn’t ever be remembered as significant!
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There’s a very important word in this discussion that has only come up once: WORKAHOLIC
Funny as it sounds, I am a workaholic, and there are many reasons for it, including the fear of not having enough money and also the protective bubble you create by not being available for relationships. Our culture encourages over-working to an unhealthy degree, in my opinion. I was lucky to figure this out about myself before the age of 30, but there was a lot of pain and a lot of needlessly long work weeks that came before it.
I have no idea about JD or Jonathan’s work habits, but many of the comments posted here reminded me very much of my workaholic self. I see people here looking for ways to change their relationship to work and money. If you feel like work is taking over your life, Workaholics Anonymous is a real thing and it has been very helpful for me in the last year.
Here is a link to a quick assessment to see if you fit the workaholic profile:
http://www.workaholics-anonymous.org/page.php?page=knowing
Since I started attending Workaholics Anonymous meetings I have found the clarity to pursue a new career path (one that’s more personally AND financially rewarding) and I have found the peace to take a new part-time job as a transition into that career. I will have free time that I haven’t had in years, and I am realizing more and more how valuable that time will be.
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This post reminded me a lot about my bro-in-law–who is a recently divorced single dad with 3 young kids. He has a ton of debt from some issues before the divorce, but he’s made a vow not to let that keep him from making memories with his kids NOW. I remember him telling me, “If I wait to do special stuff with my kids until I’m out of debt, all my kids will be out of the house already.” Sometimes I see him blowing money on stuff that to me just seems dumb, but it is NOT my place to be deciding what is a wise use of his precious little money right now.
On a more personal note–as a nurse, with the economy down and every hospital being ridiculously short-staffed I could pick up all the overtime I want right now. Would it help us pay off debt more quickly? absolutely. Is it worth never seeing my husband or dog and letting all my personal relationships go to pot? Not on your life.
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I think that JD was reflecting a poor balance in his earlier posts (like last year) with every single thing he did seeming to focus on money or “saving money” with “retirement” in mind. Some people objected and said that there had to be a balance since you have to live “now” as well and we are not promised a wonderful retirement with good health where we can travel and use up all that money we’ve saved.
I think that it took the unexpected death of his friend to help him come to a balance. I’m glad. I’m relieved.
There is a time to save and a time to spend.
For those who have gotten themselves deep in debt it’s time to save ‘cuz you’ve already spent!
I think the ultimate question is, “Is this how I want to spend my life?” I’ve been esp. concerned when I see obsessive types compulsively shop for great bargains. (like me!)
Usually it involves hours and hours of “working to save money”, hunting out bargains and searching for the best price. I’m reminding myself, “If that is what you enjoy and how you want to spend your life”, that is great, Otherwise, at the end of the week, or month, or year, you can look back and see “all I did was search for bargains” and never really “lived.”
For some, like my mom, searching for bargains IS her fun, so it is great. Others want time to quilt, read, fish, hunt, play sports, go on walks, etc.
There has to be a balance.
I was delighted to read this type of post here. It is what makes me like GRS more than the other PF blogs I’ve got on my RSS feed.
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JD, this post makes me want to go home right now and hug my husband… my heart hurts for your friend.
For me, this is a tough balance to strike. I know none of us has a guarantee on life, but we’re also saving like crazy so we can both live our dream of working from home together in the (hopefully not too far off) future.
I think I’m definitely going to consider this the next time I’m staying late at the office on a Friday evening, though…
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I will read this in-depth when I can do so properly – and when I can do it without getting dreadfully upset. This is a MAJOR issue in my life, with someone who regards money earned as a marker of success; I, on the other hand, can think only of time that has slipped irreparably, irreclaimably by, never to return. All the money he earns cannot buy back a single day not spent together, and it breaks my heart.
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Most families these days require duo income, so when both parties return from work, there is only about 3-4 hours of quality time to spend with each other and our kids. Unfortunately, that is pretty hectic too if we include the house work to be done.
You have written a touching article and timely too as most of us are so engrossed with earning money and becoming financially secure and forgotten about the value of time. We no longer take time out to appreciate the people we hold dear in our heart.
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A girl in my class, she would always go home to an empty house with her parents not showing up until dinner time and then leaving again to do their sociable things. Her parents always told her that they would spend more time with her after they retired.
A few months into our school year, her father died while jogging. Never had time to spend properly with his daughter…
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I’ve been reading your blog for the past few weeks, and these are the kinds of entries that keep me coming back. In the end, money’s for security, but life’s for relationships. Enough time can replenish any debt, but no amount of money can buy back lost time.
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My heart dropped the minute I got to the part where Jonathan’s wife died. How incredibly sad!
But, his story does illustrate your point completely. It’s so hard to make that choice. Ultimately, you’d like to say you’d choose your friends and family over the money, but sometimes you feel as though the work responsibilities are overbearing and you just need to focus on that.
It’s been my personal mission to try and find a balance for the last year – honestly, since I read Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. When my time comes, I want to remember that I lived, not that I worked every day for 12 hours or more. But, that balance has been elusive. I need money to pay the bills, I need money to enjoy the things I do, I need money to take my trips to L.A. for my writing. It all comes back to money.
So, here’s my question. I know I need to find the balance. How do you make yourself do it?
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Thanks for sharing the sad wake-up call. I’ve been thinking a lot about the time vs money topic this week. Nothing as dire as Johnathon, just figuring how to make the best use of the time I have:
“Our time in this world is finite so we have to spend it wisely.”
http://moneysmartlife.com/when-should-you-do-it-yourself
“What I’ve learned is that although you do save money when you do everything yourself, you are instead spending another equally valuable resource, your time.”
http://moneysmartlife.com/getting-things-done-without-doing-any-of-the-work
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Nickelback release the song, “If Today Was Your Last Day,” on 10/11/08. It was written by Chad Kroeger from Nickelback. I thought that these simple lyrics captured the sentiment of JD’s post quite well:
If Today Was Your Last Day Lyrics
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’ll never live it twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day
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Beautiful!
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Thank you for sharing this story. It really, really touched me.
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