This is a guest post from Ann Zerkle, a Get Rich Slowly lurker, and the founder of Heroes of Capitalism.
As the daughter of a truck driver and stay-at-home mom, my family lived very frugally (and very happily). As an adult, I see the wisdom in the frugality of my parents. Below are the frugal ideas my father always espoused.
- Work smart, not hard. My dad believed in hard work. He constantly put in 60 hour work weeks, and somehow still managed to be active at church and in the community. The trick is that Dad never wasted effort. He constantly innovated to keep working smart.
- Don’t make special trips. Dad understood that cars are big, deceptive, money-sucking machines. He understood that every time he fired up a personal vehicle, money was going down the drain. As a result, it was a family policy not to just run out for an item.
- “It took me X hours to get that!” Whenever Dad bought something, he thought about it in terms of how many hours of work it took him to earn it. This left him walking away without whatever item he was thinking about buying several times. He often applied this to TV as well. He realized the time suck that TV can become.
- If you can put off buying it, put it off. My parents never had a car payment. They drove junky cars that they could buy with their savings. Even if the car was going to die in the near future, my dad understood that if he could put off buying a new car for another month that was one more month they had to save and put off paying for tags, registration, new insurance coverage, etc. Sometimes the cars would last way beyond expectations. Right now my dad is driving a 1992 Oldsmobile with 200,000 miles on it. He expected it to die two years ago, but it just keeps on ticking.
- You have to take a risk sometimes. Now that I’m old enough to care about investing, I’ve learned that my dad took some pretty big (yet calculated) risks as an investor. As a young man he lost money in the stock market because of his risks. He’s changed his risk strategy over his lifetime, but still takes risks. He was really the first one in his family to start investing, so he basically learned from scratch and is continually taking his calculated risks.
- Don’t be afraid to ask. My dad is not shy. He is never afraid to ask for help. This often took the form of borrowing. We had a large garden growing up, but never owned a tiller. My dad always borrowed one from a neighbor. He would ask his pipefitter friend for plumbing help. Even today he is not shy about asking my husband for computer tips and help. He knows what I have come to know: most people like to help, you just have to have the guts to ask.
- “That UPS truck just ruined my whole vacation!” My dad has worked for UPS for years. Whenever he was on vacation if one of those iconic brown trucks went by he’d say with a smile, “That UPS truck just ruined my whole vacation.” My dad liked his job, but he understood the need for rest. One can’t go on working 60 hour work weeks without rest. He always took a little of his vacation time just to hang around the house so that he could be ready to keep working later.
- Invest in yourself and your family. Dad understands that the only thing in this life that really matters is people. Ultimately all of our things can be taken away from us by governments, fires, and mismanagement. As a result, he knew the only sure investment is investing in yourself and your family. He helped all three of his children get through college in various ways. He continually improves himself with books, online research and asking questions. As a lifetime truck-driver he could have stagnated in his personal growth and still made the money he is making, but he chooses to keep improving himself.
- Let people feel the consequences of their actions. My dad did show grace to his children, but he also understood that we needed to feel the consequences of our actions. Around age nine, every January we had to present him with a yearly budget for our allowances. It included a variety of things like school supplies, clothing, spending money, camp fees, and incidentals. We would negotiate the yearly amounts, and then get that portioned to us on a monthly basis. I remember quite vividly one month my sister ran out of money about a week before allowance day. Instead of giving her money to go out with her friends, he let her stew for a week. I don’t think that happened much after that first incident.
- Eat to get not-hungry. This may seem like an odd thing to say, but even as a little kid I can remember Dad saying, “We don’t eat to be full; we eat to not be hungry.” It took about 15 years, but I am starting to understand the deep wisdom in this. First, eating to get full is a fast way to become overweight, and being overweight has a whole set of financial ramifications. Secondly, focusing on food is not healthy. People who eat to be full on a regular basis are often consumed (pardon the pun) with food. As Get Rich Slowly has addressed in the past, the food we eat has a whole set of financial ramifications.
- People come first. The final overriding wisdom my father has imparted to us kids is that people come first. You can see this theme throughout the other parts of this list. My parents have a generous giving plan and believe in putting people first, above the environment, above animals and above material possessions.
Ultimately, my dad found what was important to him in life and put his money where his heart was. As a result of this he lives frugally and is deliberate with his money. This money philosophy was imparted to me at a young age and helps me to live frugally. As a result, my husband and I are getting rich slowly.
What did you learn about money from your parents? What do you hope to teach your children?
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Ann: I enjoyed your post, as it had me shaking my head yes to quite a few of those items. Your dad was an amazing role model for you and I’m thankful you could recognize all of those values.
From my mom, I learned horrible money management. My mom was a single mom who barely made the ends meet and continuously kept working as hard as she could to do so. Yet, she could also be so frivolous with her money at times. She declared personal bankruptcy twice in her life (that I know of), with the last being in progress at the time of her death. Although her death (a murder) was not forseeable, all of her decisions and the direction they led her were. As for my dad, my stepmom controls the money and overall they are doing well.
Currently, at 4 and 7 years old, my children are beginning to understand how we obtain money and how to use it. I do my best to help my children understand the money messages I convey. Their parents are coming from a position of learning to do it wrong before learning to do it better (not quite to right, just yet
, so I hope they will grow up without making all the same mistakes themselves.
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You’re so lucky to have had number 10 (“Eat to get not-hungry”) instilled at such a young age. I’ve been trying to train myself on that one for the past few years, more for the health/appearance boost than for the economic benefits. I’m pretty good at home, but I can’t seem to help myself at restaurants. Anyway, great article.
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I agree with a lot of these, but don’t feel working 60 hours a week (see 1) is an example of working “smart” and not “hard”. Working smarter, to me, means spending as little time working as possible so you can spend the rest of your life living. We already put in more hours than most people on earth with our year-round 40+ hour workweeks; putting in 20 more if you could survive on 20 fewer is the antithesis of working smart, or living well.
Similarly, 9 sounds like a simple variation on the idea of punishing people when it’s within your power to do so if they do things you disagree with. On a larger scale, it’s why most Republicans oppose sex education, contraceptives, and abortions while simultaneously opposing maternity care, childcare, adoption funding, and early childhood education. So count me out of that too.
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I love the annual budget your father made you draw up for your allowance expenditures. I’ve never heard of that, but think its a great idea. It makes you think long term about your allowance – what a great idea.
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I was with you (for the most part) until #11. I consider the environment – which includes our coexistence with animals and nature – into my life along with prioritizing. It’s one thing to follow #8, but there are many people on this planet who are apathetic to their effect on our world that we shouldn’t be so willing to put ahead of everything else. Maybe I’m just reading it wrong…
Great post, though. I really enjoyed the perspective.
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Wow. There is a lot of wisdom in this post. I love the “eat to be not hungry” idea. Unfortunately my dad instilled a lot of ideas about owning the nicest car or the biggest house to make me happy. It’s taken me years to overcome those ideas and thoughts.
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I really like this post. I’m curious as to what motivated your father to teach financial wisdom … must have been your grandparent’s upbringing? What stands out so much about this situation is this family is like so many others (meaning modest income), yet how the father looked at money made made all the difference. Other families would have popped items on the credit card and/or dealt with the facts of such a financial life with stress. A real lesson here its all about attitude.
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A bit of wisdom that my dad learned from his dad was:
“Work your work, and don’t let your work work you.”
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My family went from a situation where my father earned a high salary running his own catering business in the 80′s, while my mother stayed and home and schooled the 6 kids (sounds quaint now doesn’t it??) My mother got cancer and in ’93, and I recall the 7 years before I left home to go to a 4 year university a daily exercise in trying to stay afloat. My father rarely talked about money management. He only mentioned money in the context that we had none or to say a few things about how mom and he ran their finances. After my mother’s death, he lost his job, took lower paying jobs to be around the house a little more, and had to tackle a mountain of medical bills.
BUT, I attribute this to my parents: They did not believe in debt. They paid off their house early, and had a sizeable amount saved from what I understand. They bought cars they could afford. Untimely death changed their financial situation for sure, but without their savings and anti-debt attitude, my family would have had even more of a challange to survive those tumultuous years after my mother’s death.
to all those hardworking Dad’s out there: Happy Father’s day! I hope you get some well deserved rest and celebration today!
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Get Rich Slowly published the story about what my Dad taught me about debt 2 years ago. Rather than type it out again, you can read it here in the archives:
http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2007/06/17/reader-story-what-my-father-taught-me-about-debt/
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Nice post!
I was thrown off by number one. Working 60 hour weeks does seem hard, not smart. And number 11. It’s nice to put people first but if we don’t see the environment as a priority as well then where will people’s habitat and resources will be unavailable.
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“My parents have a generous giving plan and believe in putting people first, above the environment, above animals … ”
This is supposed to be an admirable frugal and life lesson? How very, very sad. But a mentality like this would go a long way toward explaining why entire species are going extinct and why several thousand years from now, this planet will be little more than a rotating chunk of dirt.
My parents taught me to respect and peacefully coexist with the environment and other living creatures – not trample them as it suits me.
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One of the things my dad taught me is that if you don’t have the cash to pay for it, you don’t buy it. The only exception he has to that rule is his house. He didn’t always pay cash for everything if it didn’t make sense to do it, but the cash was always on hand and a loan or a credit card was paid off within 3 months. It’s a valuable lesson that I’m glad to have learned.
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My father grew up in Depression in west Texas and never trusted debt or the stock market after that…funny thing is, now that he is retired and managing his portfolio he owns no stock and has beaten most hedge funds and the stock index funds for the past 10 years. His goal was to sleep at night but the result was a decade of outperformance…pretty funny to me…the key to his success as an investor is to live within his means and invest according to his personality and risk tolerance. Good lessons for me.
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Great post. What did my parents teach me about money? Absolutely nothing.
What will I be able to teach my kids? A great deal of knowledge thanks to sites like this and my hunger for financial knowledge and understanding.
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Agreed with the other readers that this post was lovely until it advocated putting people “above the environment and animals”. That doesn’t make any sense – our relationship with the environment and animals not only defines our morality, it also defines our ability to sustain ourselves as a species, not just physically but spiritually too.
Maybe most people would generally agree with the idea that to some degree you can sacrifice animals and the environment for the benefit of humankind, but ideally we’d live and let live, and try to make as little impact on our beautiful planet as possible, right? To say putting people ahead of animals and the environment is one of your main life lessons that you’d like to pass on to us makes it sound like you are suggesting it’s OK to pillage the Earth and abuse other species at our leisure. Disturbing.
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Nice post. Like a few others, I object to #11, but aside from that… I also object to the point about cars. Sure, getting into debt for the latest and greatest car is,kt frugal or particularly smart, but the post makes it sound like there’s something wrong with driving a nice car, period.
I don’t see how driving a nearly 20 year old car is an admirable trait. It just sounds like a personal preference — just like saving for a nicer vehicle would be.
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As a hourly worker I understand 60 hours a week. It is a smart move on your dad’s part. Notice he worked 60 not 70- 80 hours as many do, this is called balance. Also he earned time and a half after 40 hours. For every 2 hours he worked after 40 he was paid an additional hour of salary. A person making $20 an hour increases their wage to $30 after 40 hours. The four hours of overtime would produce an additional $120 a day or $600 a week. This is money that could be used for his children’s education or give his children the freedom of not working a $5 an hour job after school flipping burgers and instead joining the band or football team. $600 could mean the difference between your mom being a stay at home mother and nurturing his children full time or taking a job outside of the home. After all an investment in people is the best investment anyone can make.
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Great post! I was a little surprised by some of the responses. I am wondering why someone would think that number 9 is a variation of punishing people (Let people feel the consequences of their actions). The simple fact is, when we make decisions there are consequences. The sooner one learns that there are consequences, the sooner one learns to make better decisions. Better decisions make better consequences.
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Thanks for this post. I thought it was great. All of the points.
As to number 9. It is a tough one to follow through on, but the sooner you learn that lesson, the better.
If you’ve taught it to your children, it is a great thing. Too bad all parents don’t do it.
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Lovely post.
Although this is a PF blog, I would like to weigh in on the “controversy” surrounding #11.
The author never suggested that we should abdicate responsibility to the environment. Nor did she she encourage abuse and misuse. I am a vegetarian (because I strongly disagree with the living conditions that factory farmed animals are subjected to) — and yes I do think that it is important to put the NEEDS (not wants) of people above the environment and animals. It causes me to scratch my head when I see environmental causes getting more press and support than the millions and millions around the world suffering from the scourge of poverty. For example, 80% of the world lives on less than $10/day. 2.6 billion people live without basic sanitation. Nearly 1 billion people cannot read.
It is simply not good enough to say that because we live in the first world, these issues are not our problem. Hopefully, we can collectively use the benefits of our financial literacy to combat them instead.
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Ann,
My favorite piece of advise is one of your items above. I’m a strong believer in Invest in yourself. Keep up with the world by being open to learning new things as they are introduced. Be selective, though, so that what you spend time and money on is something that truly interests you.
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Now that the economy is getting burned by bad financial decisions it’s good that these kinds of values are coming back to the forefront.
I know, I know, they’ve never gone out of style for you all, but more people now are being more conscious about their behaviors. I’m glad to see it.
Great Post!
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@ T.L. (#21)
*applauds*
WELL SAID.
I was taken aback by one comment in particular that spun the author’s words into “trampling the environment”. Just because someone places people first, doesn’t automatically mean that someone is out trampling the environment.
As for the question posed at the end of the article: My dad taught me how to budget and save at an early age. Both my parents were (and still are) very frugal, and wise with their money. They spend below their means, invest wisely, clip coupons, take advantage of sales at the Grocery store, and always wait at least 30 days (sometimes more!) before making any large purchase (and only purchase it after they’ve found the absolute best deal). So I too, have always been frugal.
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I learned most of the same things from my dad, except I had to rebel against them for a few years to understand the wisdom.
I’d say the main lesson I learned by living the counter-example, was that family finances are a team sport. It’s not OK to keep the family in the dark or allow anyone to abdicate responsibilities. Everyone needs to understand where we are, why we make our decisions, and what each of us can control.
I love the idea of an annual allowance budget! DS is 7, so a couple years away, but I’ll revisit it when he turns 9.
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The #1 thing my parents told me was: TO NOT MESS AROUND IN SCHOOL AND STUDY AS HARD AS I CAN.
They told me this in 7th grade thank goodness since grades start accumulating in 9th grade. I proceeded to mess around and have a lot of fun in 7th and 8th grade. Once 9th grade hit I STUDIED MY ARSE OFF! And b/c I did, I got into a prestigious unversity, and landed a job that paid me $99,985 my first full year out of school at the age of 23! At 24 I made about $150,000, and at age 25 I made $200,000 by getting a job offer at another company. At age 26, I bought my first 2 bedroom condo in a prime location in the city, and now rent it out cash flow positive b/c I bought it years ago. Even after the great downturn, I still make more than 2X what I did at 25.
I tell you, if I was only a B student in HS and College, and if my parents didn’t tell me to work hard, I wouldn’t have been able to live such a financially comfortable life now. So many of my B student classmates in HS are living very mediocre lives b/c they didn’t focus during their school years.
STUDY HARD KIDS and don’t mess around! The people who have all sorts of financial problems and dead end jobs complaining that the world is unfair to them didn’t do their best in school. DON’T BE LAZY. Hard work breaks the cycle of poverty. Education is KEY!
‘
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Ann thanks for sharing– your dad sounds like a man after my own heart! Awesome ideas!
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Wow, your dad is really smart! #3 is one of my favorites. I always try to do this. I calculate how much time I had to spend at work in order to buy something. It really makes you think if what your about to buy is really worth X hours working. Most of the time it really isn’t. Buying video games used to be one of my big things. They are about $60 a piece. That comes to 3 hours at work which isn’t really worth it to me anymore. When I was a kid I wouldn’t think twice about spending my money on video games. I really wish I had the mindset I have now when I was a kid. I also think in terms of retirement. Buying things you don’t need delays your retirement and I want to retire as soon as I possibly can.
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One lesson from my father – when you take things to the dump to throw away – try to come home with more than you took.
(Unfortunately my dump doesn’t allow rummaging…boohoo – so I just go yardsaling instead)
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@TL: Environmental causes don’t generally seem get more press and support than humanitarian causes (what dominates the news? stories of war, murder, recession and job loss? or stories about … environmental and animal related issues?), I would say people are generally more concerned with the plight of people than the plight of the environment in terms of news and charity.
But that wasn’t my point, my point was that people and the environment interact in very complex ways, and basically it’s usually hard to say that something good for the environment is not good for people and vice versa, since all species are to some extent interdependent and need clean air and water and sunlight etc. I don’t think that people and the environment and animals are forces in opposition to each other, and thus I find the phrase “putting people ahead of the environment and animals” to be poorly phrased, at best, I really am not sure what the author meant by this, I can only guess. I just don’t like the sound of it. It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with personal finance, responsibility, or personal work ethic.
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#26, if “C” is considered average, when did “B” become mediocre? There is something unsettling about the reasoning and conclusions of your whole post…
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It’s always interesting to see posts like this that at one point contradict conventional parenting wisdom. #10 seems incompatible with making your child finish eating everything you put on their plate.
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I learned the most important lesson about money and life in general from my DAD is about NEEDS and WANTS. He did not teach me as such, but I saw him practice it daily.
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Quick comment on the environment issue: everything we do to hurt the environment impacts people TODAY so there really is no way to put people ahead of the environment. For instance, life expectancy in areas with high levels of air pollution is lower than in regions with low levels of smog. The physical/emotional/FINANCIAL suffering it causes people with respiratory vulnerabilities is staggering. This is especially true of our most vulnerable populations, children and the elderly. Visit a hospital emergency room on a bad smog day and you will see what I mean.
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Joe M – B = GOOD, but not good enough. If you want to make it in life, you have to be outstanding. There are billions of people on earth, and you gotta stand out. Why do you think immigrants from India and China are just dominating quickly after one generation? They study hard and get ahead. Can’t blame them, only our own motivation.
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I have to disagree Joe @3who said #9 ” was a variation on punishing people when it’s within your power to do so if they do things you disagree with”. No, it’s a lesson on consequences, and a pretty mild one at that. How can you possibly compare making a child go without allowance for ONE WEEK with Republicans’ opposing birth control/childcare? That’s not just a larger scale, it’s positively exponential.
Personally I think this is the most important lesson in this post and one I wish my inlaws had followed; my sisters-in-law could have benefitted from being allowed to fall on their faces at some point. But that comes down to family politics and finances, which are always popular subjects on GRS!
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From my parents I learned to value free time vs. money. My parents, college profs., set up their life so they had a lot of free time (summers off, a month off in the winter, etc.) and they worked hard and they scrimped on other things in order to have free time to spend doing the things they loved, camping, hiking, sailing, travel, time with friends and family. My parents still both make time to stay connected and to visit with their old friends from college. Their friends hardly ever make the same effort but they appreicate that my parents do so.
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All in all, this post sounded like a pretty sad puritan life. Food is one of the great pleasures in life, and looking at it from a purely financial standpoint removes some of that pleasure. Great wines, artisan raw milk cheeses, the occasional nice steak – without them, life would be empty.
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Great post. My father has instilled many of the same frugal financial values in me.
@beagle- I agree with your statement to some extent. If you have a little extra money to spend of course you need to be some away for pleasure money, good food is part of that. She actually talks about that in the article. However, if you are tight for money than what she states about eating is a very true statement.
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Fabulous post! I’m glad you have such a great father. From my dad, I didn’t learn all of these ideas/values. However, I did learn from him that you should keep going in life no matter what happens. And knowing that he’ll be there in whatever circumstances, that’s more than enough. Before I become a father myself though, I need to keep going and learning to be a better person so I can pass on all the great values to my future generations! Keep up the great work!
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Ann,
Thank you for a great post. Your words were ringing in my ears yesterday about cars being big money-sucking machines, as I urged my husband to go with me on errands so we could combine them all into one trip!
I also took to heart the point about eating to not be hungry, rather than eat to be full. I didn’t make a leap to interpret that food should be cheap or we should be stingy, just that eating a sufficient amount rather than an excessive amount would mean a lot of savings on food bills over time.
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@Beagle — when we eat to “be not-full”, then we can enjoy small amounts of the best food possible and be satisfied and healthy.
The typical American way now is to stuff ourselves with mediocre food and then never be satisfied. There’s no luxurious pleasure in that!
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Love this post–especially the yearly budget!
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Wonderful post. I actually read this post a couple of days ago, and came back to reread it again.
#9 (let folks learn consequences) and using the yearly budget was particularly interesting because, even if it fails, it teaches kids to think ahead and plan. In my experience, many folks who live paycheck to paycheck are not strong planners, both financially and in other areas of their lives.
#10 (eat to be not-hungry) was another excellent suggestion. Contrary to commenter #38 above, I do not read this as necessarily depriving oneself of the fine wine or the delectable food. Isn’t truly fine dining about specifically NOT stuffing yourself, but enjoying the sight, smell, and taste of food and eating just enough to treat one’s palate.
I completely agree with commenter #27 about the putting people first suggestion. One can put people first and still care a great deal about the family pet, the environment, and animals in general.
Lastly, I applaud commenter #26 for the many great accomplishments, and studying hard and doing well in school is a prudent piece of advice and will open doors. However, the commenter makes out like studying hard per se causes success. I would suggest it is only one factor. Luck also plays an important part in success.
GRS always provides great posts on a regular basis, and has many excellent commenters too. Keep up the great work!
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Great advice. I agree with all but the last point. To me, animals and the environment are just as important as people. The key is balance.
To each their own, though.
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@beagle: I don’t fully agree with you. One can eat very well, very fine meals that are completely meat, egg, and dairy-free.
As vegans, my boyfriend and I eat like royalty–and it doesn’t break the bank.
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My dad taught, by example, the value of education. His family emigrated from Eastern Europe to Canada when he was 12. He spoke no English or French but he and his brother managed to succeed in school and in college and entered prestigious careers. Whenever we moved for his job he would pick the neighborhood with the best schools, no matter how long his commute, and he saved enough for all 3 of us to attend our college of choice. He helped us with homework and science fair projects and expected us to earn good grades and take the highest-level classes we could get into. My brother and I completed the International Baccalaureate program, with higher-levels in math, science, and English, and my sister took all AP classes in high school. My sister and I each have masters degrees and my brother has a PhD. All of us are working and happy in our chosen careers.
Thanks Dad!
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I really enjoyed the post. Timeless advice!
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Great advice. I think all the objector to #11 are taking it all wrong. She stated that their generous GIVING plan was to go toward people first. I think that by using money to help the downtrodden you are much more likely to help bring them to a place of hope and change. People who are struggling desperately to get by are generally less likely to care about the big picture when they aren’t making in the small picture. I don’t necessarily think that throwing money at the environment will help it. The sierra club and other environmental organizations spend an awful lot of money and waste and awful lot of resources sending out cards, stickers and giving away free tote bags that end up in the trash. I think my money would be better spent donating it to an organization that educates children about consumerism or evironmental issues or just plain out helps them to have enough to eat than somewhere like that.
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Thanks for this heartfelt post! Even though we might have thought that our parents had everything all wrong sometimes, all you need to do is get a few years under your belt and you find yourself thinking the same way they did.
Thanks again for sharing – your post made my day!
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