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107 Responses to “Ask the Readers: What If Your High-Paying Job Makes You Miserable?”

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1. 1.
   TH Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 5:33 am

   Wow, that’s a toughy, even more so because he has dependents to worry about. When I hit that point in my career it was just me, but I was in the process of buying a house - loss of income wasn’t really an option. But when I really thought about it, it wasn’t the company or the people or the hours, it was just that I’d been doing the same thing for 5 years and needed to move to something that required more detail and attention. Faster paced if you will.

   I lucked out. While I was searching internally for another position, my manage was approached by another who was looking to fill positions in his group - I was able to accept the lateral move directly after the interview!

   And Mike - even if it is a lateral move within a company or industry, just that move can open up doors. I ended up with a job that I love (even with more OT being regular) a mid year raise and a lot more attention from upper management - all adding up to opportunity.

   I think FMF might be right - you’ve built up a lot of knowledge and reputation in your current field. See if you can parlay that into a new area of the field and maybe you’ll rediscover why you went into in the first place. Just looking for the opportunity can sometimes lead to it falling into your lap. Good luck!

2. 2.
   Steven Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 5:58 am

   With big paychecks comes big lifestyle inflation. Like J.D. said, the first step would be to reduce the reliance on I.T. income, and gradually until you find a point where it becomes difficult to cut anymore. That should give you a rough idea of what your possible occupations/options are.

   I.T. and computer were the up-and-coming thing in the 90’s when we had the huge technology boom and it’s gone from cool to hell. I.T. personnel are on-call a lot, and very little acknowledgment from outside your department. I myself have worked in I.T. and I understand the negativity towards I.T. workers when something breaks. There is no gratitude when everything works perfectly, then all hell breaks loose when something goes down.

   The main thing is to try ignore the negatives and focus on the positives. It only makes the day and week last that much longer. Granted, being called in the middle of the night after being on-call can’t help…

   The other thing to do is to start doing mini-projects or start learning more about topics within your field. I was faced with this situation in my current job where it became monotonous (bottom of the totem poke engineer) and I was actively searching for a new job 6 months ago. But, as I was job searching, I was also focused on developing my skills and knowledge at the same time to become more marketable. In the course of doing improving myself, I saw many opportunities to improve processes in my company and brought the topic up to my boss, who let me start working on mini-projects to improve the work flow and rewrite SOPs (standard operating procedures). I am doing more R&D work which is aligned with my original interest after graduating from university. Also, in doing so, I have become the “leading expert” in a few areas at my company and have taken on much more responsibility that makes use of my knowledge.

   Now, I work in a small company, and not a multi-national corporation, where there is more visibility to the higher-ups and was able to make my case to them directly, but it should work with your superiors if they have an ounce of intelligence.

   I now have new fulfillment from performing my additional job duties, and as grueling as working ~50+ hours a week, a lot of it is stuff I would want to learn about and read on my own time as well, kind of like how computer programmers are suppose to program as a hobby as well. The only difference is that the extra work I put in has high visibility, and I am called upon quite frequently for consultation. Gives me quite an ego boost I must say, for being the new guy.

   Maybe I.T. really isn’t your thing, but I would suggest giving it another shot. If it works, it’s the easiest “fix” to your problem.

3. 3.
   Brian Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:01 am

   I think it makes it easier to do something when you know it’s for a limited amount of time. Read Your Money or Your Life, and you don’t have to do the whole thing, but set up a plan to work your way out of the income requirement over the next year (like poster 1 says). You’re in a good position with the salary, take advantage for a period of time and then get out. Maybe by that time, you’ll have a better idea of what you’d like to do. I have the same problem myself. I think the idea is I’m just going to have to try a few things.

4. 4.
   Business Game Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:03 am

   If i had to ask my self what would i do if i were in this crosswords then first of all you have to understand what is it that you look for. If you know what your looking for the next question should be is this current position helping you in getting closer if it does than suck it up and continue your work otherwise quit quit quit.

5. 5.
   rma Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:22 am

   Read a book called “Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry Into the Value of Work” by Matthew B. Crawford.

6. 6.
   dana Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:23 am

   I got lucky- had no idea I would love my career and the actual work I do all day as much as I do. I have had to make gigantic sacrifices early on (huge school loans being one of them that I am STILL paying off 10+ years in) but so worth it.

   My DH on the other hand is also in IT (sales) and HATES it. We too are making some changes to enable him to move to another field- he’s 40 and still trying to figure out what to be when he grows up. We are working the TMMO to lower our overhead to enable us some flexibility to allow him to explore other options and lessen his misery.

   One thought- have you looked into any educational opportunities through your current employer? Many tech companies will offer tuition support for degrees related but not absolutely tied to your current position- ie. MBA, software engineering….
   Working a job you hate all day sucks, but sucks less if they are paying you to develop skills to enable you to change your future.

7. 7.
   Rob Bennett Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:31 am

   It was being in the situation described that led me to investigate money issues in the first place (this was 18 years ago).

   My advice is for Mike to remain in the job he is in for the time being but to begin immediately working on a plan for escape. As soon as he has an escape plan in writing (it must be reduced to writing or the magic will not happen), he will begin feeling somewhat (not totally) better about the current job. The difference is that he will have a purpose — acquiring the level of financial freedom needed to make an effective escape.

   He doesn’t need to know precisely what he is going to do after his escape to construct this plan. Money is fungible. Money saved can be directed to the pursuit of any financial freedom dream imaginable. What he lacks today is the financial independence stash. That’s what has to change. Money is power. When the good guys and girls have more money, the good guys and girls will have more power. That’s what we want to see happen.

   The #1 obstacle standing in Mike’s way is not the crummy job and it is not that he does not now have a lot in savings and it is not that he doesn’t know what he really wants to do. The #1 obstacle holding him back is that he has no appreciation of how much power he possesses to change his life for the better if only he would get serious about saving. A serious saver does not save a little more than a non-serious saver. A serious saver can save many multiples of what a non-saver saves. Mike can make significant progress in a relatively short amount of time (five years).

   Another obstacle is the idea that the only savings amount that matters is the savings amount that is big enough to finance an old-age retirement. No! If Mike saves enough so that he can generate $10,000 from his savings each year AND at the same time reduces his living expenses by $20,000 (the same steps can be employed to achieve both of these goals), he reduces what he has to earn from work each year by $30,000. That opens up many opportunities for life fulfillment that are not on his radar screen today.

   Mike is in pain. That’s a drag. But there’s a good side to the story. Pain is a motivator. If Mike uses this pain for positive purposes, he is within the next five years going to fly past millions of people who are today not experiencing the pain that he is feeling today. God created job dissatisfaction for a loving reason.

   Rob

8. 8.
   Generation Y Investor Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:34 am

   I don’t believe that $75,000 is enough money to make you work a job you hate. It would be a different story if it was $175,000 or $750,000. I’d say if your that miserable than you owe it to yourself to find something else. I’d just advise having your next job lined up before quitting your current job. Also, remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side!

9. 9.
   Josh Says:
   October 17th, 2009 at 6:59 am

   I was in Mike’s shoes!

   In my twenties, I had a career as a web app developer. Long hours, on call, but good pay and benefits. The work was interesting but not for me. I needed to work with my hands. Bread called to me, though and I had to give it all up for baker work.

   Advice for Mike? You want to work with you hands. Do you like the smell of sawdust or metal or food? Have you flipped through the phone book or walked around town, looking at all the different companies and their vocations? Have you ever met someone who worked with their hands and said “Wow, I wish I did what you do?”

   The first thing I’d suggest is narrow it down a little. You said you’re handy. Okay, do you like little projects (remodeling a kitchen) or big one (remodeling a house or building fresh)? Are you actually interested in cabinetry or do you geek out on finish work? You shouldn’t specialize off the bat, but if you start in construction but are really a cabinet maker you might wind up in the same situation you’re in now.

   Next, sit down with your family. Explain what you think you want to do. When I was explaining my career change to my fiance, I told her it’d make me happy, and she wouldn’t have to worry about a mid-life crisis. They love you and want to see you happy. Remember, it’s for better and for worse. Their sacrifices now will hopefully lead to a better life tomorrow.

   What I did next, the scariest step for me, was find a baker looking for part time weekend help. This is where it becomes real. It will be hard and a pain in the ass, but get a part time weekend job in your new vocation. Find out if you like it. You’ll have to cold call employers. You’ll have to explain you’re wanting to switch careers and this is what you’re passionate about. You’ll have to start off at the bottom. Be humble and open to learning. Read building codes, classic how-to books, etc… Immerse yourself.

   (Many tradesmen and craftsmen I know are open to training new craftsmen. Often times we’re passionate about what we do. We’re skeptical of people wanting to learn, too many people who say they want to learn, wimp out when they find out that it’s work, work unlike what most people are used to now days.)

   Work the part time job a few months. Use those few months to change lifestyle habits and sock away savings.

   So let’s say you’ve found that area you want to work in and you’re ready to quit IT. Quit. If you’re enjoying the new, part time job, then quitting IT will be easy. That first paycheck will be shocker, your bones will ache like never before, but you’ll sleep well.

   I made the switch from IT to baking, about seven years ago. It was a leap of faith. I was scared sh*tless. So scared, I took a bit my last IT paycheck and got a tattoo to commemorate the fear. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

10. 10.
    Snowballer Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:04 am

    I have been:

    A pool cleaner
    A forklift driver
    A convenience store clerk
    A warehouse stocker
    A retail cashier
    A telemarketer
    A trainer
    A bookkeeper
    A painter
    A tutor
    A furniture assembler
    A truck loader
    A short order cook
    A truck unloader
    A high school teacher
    A tax preparer
    A maintenance man

    And that’s just off the top of my head! Are there lots more jobs I haven’t had? Sure! I’ve never waited tables for instance!

    Here’s what I’ve learned.

    - Time is money. You want the most money, you give up more time.

    - Lots of time is worthless without something to do with it. When you’re broke, there’s still plenty you can do but options are limited nevertheless.

    - Yes some jobs are better than others. Can’t change that.

    - But your attitude about the job matters more than the job itself. It’s not always easy or desirable to simply change your attitude though (for instance at least one job wanted me to do something illegal to boost profits and I hated that job for it so much I quit. Reconciling it to myself instead would have been wrong.)

    -This idea that working in something that interests you will make you happy is bull ####. It’s only true if you didn’t DEPEND on the wages from this work and could just do it on your own terms.

    - It’s called work and not play. Figure out your tolerance for how much work you care to do vs. how little money you can stand having and there you go.

    - People that say money has nothing to do with happiness are only half right, because while money can’t buy you happiness it can prevent the misery that comes with not having it. The fact is sustainable happiness doesn’t really exist anyway (to quote Dennis Leary, happiness comes in small doses like eating a chocolate chip cookie, you eat the cookie and that’s it, it’s not some constant good feeling you can have all the time). So basically it’s more about preventing misery than achieving a nonexistent state of being. If getting out of a job prevents more misery than the money from that job prevents, it’s a net gain so go for it.

11. 11.
    Ross Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:05 am

    I agree with some of the posting. If you hate your job you need to analyze a few things though.

    Do I get support from upper management?
    Does upper management back me up when I make a decision?
    Do the people I work with throw me under the bus when a mistake is made?
    Do I work with a team or a group of individuals?
    Does the company value what I do?

    Depending on how you answer these questions you might be in a situation where you could like the work but the environment is so bad you are unhappy and want to get out all together. If so look for a different job. Yes the economy is down but there are a lot places looking for IT people, I know we are.

    I have worked in IT for 12 years and I still love it. There have been seasons but those periods were working for companies that did not value what IT was providing. The company I work for now places a high value on what we do and treats the employees very well.

    Before giving up on a promising career look around. As was mentioned earlier there are also a thousand different sides of IT you might need to explore making an emphasis change.

    I partially agree with Snowballer, sometimes you have to do an attitude check as well.

    Ross

12. 12.
    ImJuniperNow Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:13 am

    Bloom where you’re planted.

    My current job pays me more than I ever imagined ($55k) and with only a high school diploma.

    Do I like it? Not really - I’d rather be on a beach somewhere or volunteering at a marine animal rescue center.

    Am I looking for another job? Not on your life. I am being the best at my job that I can be.

    I fully-fund my 401(k) every year. I max out my Roth IRA. I have six figure investment accounts.

    I have the security of knowing that when I choose to quit, or when the economy makes me, then I can go do what I want.

    35 hours a week is not a prison sentence.

13. 13.
    Helen Clement Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:20 am

    31 and he’s worried that if he switches careers he won’t make as much as $75,000 a year? Excuse me? Try being 56 and *loathing* your career — when you are the *sole* support for your dependents! Or 55 and not having had paid employment for the last *8* years, because of various disasters including health problems! I would *love* to be in Mike’s position. Absolutely — please may I switch lives right now? He has enough time ahead of him for, oh, at least two full careers, training and all, if not more. My mother, who is now 88, had *three* careers after the age of 50 — and three careers before that. The very first thing Mike needs to do is get some perspective, followed by some humility. Then, using the info at this and related sites, cut his family’s expenses so that they are living on only his wife’s salary and saving all of his, while he explores what he wants to do. There are many books about finding out what your talents and interests are. Once he’s figured out what he wants to do, then make a plan to achieve it — there are many books about how to do that, too. Alternatively, if he quits his job and stays home with the kids, they won’t have daycare costs. They should also consider selling their house and renting for a lower amount — there’s really no virtue in having “a pretty hefty mortgage”: no house is actually worth that much money. In any case, he should *expect* to have more than one career during his lifetime, and actually plan for it.

14. 14.
    cathy Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:27 am

    This is my personal story. I am not mike. Obviously. A lot of “buts” could be added because everyones situation is different. Had I taken the time to think about all the “cons” of leaving my job, I would have never done it. I am sure. Because, how could we possibly live on half our income?

    When I came to my crossroads I was a newly wed with a husband and dog. My priority was work. So my health suffered. My home suffered and my relationship suffered.

    My income matched my husbands. My happiness for my job did not. It came to the point where one day I just quit after 13+ years with the company. Cutting our income in half. BTW, this was without discussion with my husband. Not because he wouldn’t understand, but because I hit a brick wall going 100 miles an hour. It was like something inside of me said “you want to be happy, you think your income makes that big of a difference, here… I’ll show you!” Bam. Now we were at half our income. Mortgage. Dreams. Everything on the line. Or so I thought.

    Guess what? It work out, better than I could have ever imagined. I don’t even remember it being tough. We made it work. We quit chasing the dollar and followed our dreams. A dream of getting healthier, doing only work we love, and creating a comfortable home. We have more time for life and somehow we always have more than enough for all that we need and even enough for what we want.

    Would I do it that way again? I hope I learned enough the first time that I will never get to that breaking point again. Being broken sucks.

    Mikes drive is clear to me. His family. Sometimes we have to just trust that everything is going to be ok and let it be. Fear of not having enough will keep us in a place of indecision. Years will go by and we will be in the same place on a different day.

    I think having a plan, as suggested, is a good thing. But a plan only works if actions are taken everyday. Read, learn and do little things that interest you. Don’t ignore reality. Don’t dwell on the details and “factors” of reality. Acknowledge them and move on.
    I could liken it to building a web site. It is never done. There is always something. At some point, phase one has to end and phase two has to begin.

    Just my 2¢. Wishing mike well on his new path. Whatever it is.

15. 15.
    Nancy L. Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:32 am

    was* in Mike’s shoes a few years ago.  I had a high profile job that paid extremely well in the career of my “dreams”.  My husband was also in the same field and also had a fairly high profile job.  For a while, I relished the demands and rewards of my industry (as did my husband), but then we decided to start a family.  Suddenly our perspective changed 180 degrees.

    Without going into a long litany of complaints, I started to realize that my field was not “family-friendly”, and that I no longer had the stomach for the vicious politics that went along with people willing to devote their entire life to their work.  While I still liked the work itself, I began to find myself increasingly disenchanted with the general atmosphere in my industry.  At the same time, my husband was realizing that he also was losing the desire and heart to put himself through the daily grind in such a demoralizing way.

    Right as I was coming to terms with all of this, two major incidents happened that brought clarity to my life.  The first was that the day before I returned from maternity leave, my company announced that my division was being laid off in a few months.  Three days later, still reeling from the news that I would soon be out of work, I found myself in a 42nd story conference room watching the WTC burning right in front of my eyes.  

    After the initial terror of that day subsided, and we had some time to reflect, we both realized that we had been too scared to change the status quo, out of a fear of the unknown.  The “gift” of 9/11 for us was that we suddenly realized that there are worse fears to face than changing a job or leaving a career. 

    I won’t sugar-coat it. There were a lot of difficult adjustments, especially learning to live on greatly reduced salaries. We didn’t have the luxury of taking a few month to scale our lifestyle back in advance–and making matters worse, our previous salaries (with no child at the time) had enabled us to develop horrid money habits with few repercussions. In addition, our choice involved a complete relocation and purchasing a house. It would be kindest just to say that those mistakes at least led me to the PF world, and have taught me a much healthier way to handle my money.

    OTOH, we have never been happier. My husband stayed in our industry but became a full time instructor. I took my skills an adapted them to a new field. We have sane working hours, and our stress levels are much lower. Our salaries are greatly reduced from what we used to earn, but between our move to a lower COL area and our healthier approach to budgeting, we don’t feel the pinch as much as we might have feared. I do keep my old industry connections fresh by continuing to volunteer with the professional organization, but talking with my old colleagues really has just cemented in my mind that I made the right choice.

    My recommendation is to not be scared of making a change. Chances are that if it just was a dissatisfaction with your company, you’d already have been looking for a new job. There are a lot of ways you can shift, from teaching like my husband, to adapting your skills like me, to even going back to school for additional classes. Just do some research before you change, and talk with people in the new field to male sure your impressions are realistic. Oh, and do the whole “salary reduction” test now, to get ready for the possibility of a lower income!

16. 16.
    Larry Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:33 am

    What are your priorities? Your first responsibility is to your wife and kids, not to yourself. So man up and sacrifice for the family. Figure out what you want and work to achieve it, while keeping your current job. If that takes more schooling, it’s night school. It may take more assertiveness at work. Many companies hire from within. They already know their employees work ethic. so there may be a job within your company, that you could go for. When I was 27, i hated my job. I was married, no kids, my wife worked, and we had few expenses. I applied for and got a job I loved. I took a pay cut initially, but am now making far more than I would have if would have stayed in my old job. I think you need to get this stuff figured out before you amass the house, kids, cars, etc. That’s what your 20s should be for.

    I hate to sound like an old fogie, but my dad was a WW2 vet. He was in traveling sales. I don’t know if he liked or hated his job. It never came up. He derived fulfillment from his family, hobbies, and vacation travel. He made decent money. Never was in debt, and invested conservatively. When he died, he left over 1mil with no debts. This sustained my mom, in a very nice senior living apartment. When I had to get her a helper for 24 hour care, it was done with no problem. When she died, the left over money is going to fully fund my kids, my dad and mom’s only grandkids, education. For what it’s worth, my dads work ethic and lack of needing to be fulfilled, made an enormous impact on the people he loved.

17. 17.
    Carol Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:38 am

    One exciting avenue to explore: energy efficiency in data centers. Put these words into google: “energy efficiency data centers” and take particular note of the Energystar links. Watch/listen to DOE and Energystar webinars. I think it could be interesting because it’s growing fast, it’ll tap into your IT background, you will get to learn about energy and facilities management, and I think you could get some hands-on if you play it right - neat stuff.

    General Advice: Find a few growing areas that are linked to IT in some fashion- that is your IT skills will be respected but you get to branch out into a new area - locate somebody who is up-and-coming in that area and take that person out to lunch/for a coffee and ask what they like about the work/the field. Ask what the steps would be for somebody like yourself to get there. Take notes. If you have no clue how to get in touch with people in these fields: go to meetup.com and see what professional groups are already gathering in your neck-of-the-woods, search LinkedIn.com, or start networking with local business groups and just ask around.

    Other thoughts: If you are not an entrepreneurial person, focus on getting training that directs you into a job OR team up with somebody you trust who is more business-minded. From what you wrote, you do not sound self-directed enough to lead a business.

    If you are still frightened as heck, start seeing a counselor-career counselor, head shrinker, medicine man, personal coach: somebody who will prod you along so you get out of your comfort zone and start making a plan and start living again.

    And-Try to get some buy-in from your wife and make plans to shrink that upper-middle-clas lifestyle down to something more sustainable. The boom times are over, so you should be doing that anyway.

    OK. Very bossy advice, I know. Hope there is something in here of use to you!

18. 18.
    SF_UK Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:51 am

    Have you spoken to a careers adviser? Some universities offer free or discounted careers advice to alumni (worth investigating), or there may be something offered by your local employment centre or college. There are computer programs that try to match up your preferences with types of work (e.g. do you like working with people or on your own, do you prefer to be outdoors). They then give you a list of possible areas to investigate, which might spark some ideas.

19. 19.
    bon Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:52 am

    I want to just re-emphasize what some others have said that I strongly agree with.

    1. Stay in your current position for now, but start the research/soul-search. Read “what color is your parachute” type books, go out and FIND those mentors who you are looking for and invest in some lunches with them. Once you start to form a plan, your current job will feel less miserable.

    2. Try out some of your future opportunities in small ways — shadowing, weekend work, or just spending time with those in the field.

    3. Once you’re convinced you’re ready to make the switch to something new, your family will be too.

    It might be possible that you are never ready, and maybe that means that you should re-focus your energies on hobbies that make you happy and set a plan to check-in with yourself on the career every few months to see if things have changed.

20. 20.
    Wearsunscreen Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:59 am

    If I was Mike I would try starting my own business in my own interest (remodeling or some niche) despite the self description about not being a leader. I would try to implement this in such a way I could still part-time or consult with the IT competency. I would *not* turn my back on the IT thing during 10% unemployment but I might half it or make some balance with the things that don’t make me want to go postal.

21. 21.
    James Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:14 am

    I think the bottom line may just be that Mike does not want to work in IT. He says he is not passionate about it. So therefore a person like will not be happy by reevaluating a different area of IT to go into.

    I’ve been in IT for quite awhile and as others have stated, there are ways to see if the job you’re in is good for you. Such as - does management support you, etc etc. Honestly, the job I am in now I could answer no to all the questions because nobody really understands IT. But I do. I may get frustrated with the grind or the people, but at the end of the day I do have a passion for IT. I know I’ll never leave this field. I also know just how important I am to the organization, even if they do not.

    In general though, I am not sure if now is the time for soul-searching - especially with a family. I do like the “mini-projects” or consulting ideas that someone mentioned. That may relieve some of the tension till you can full-out find your passion.

    - James

22. 22.
    cathy Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:24 am

    “For what it’s worth, my dads work ethic and lack of needing to be fulfilled, made an enormous impact on the people he loved.”

    With all due respect Larry, How do you know your dad was unfilled. Making an enormous impact on the people he loved sounds very fulfilling to me. And maybe, just maybe, he liked his job.

    One more thing…I truly appreciate your dads service. Thank-you to him and the countless others.

23. 23.
    Carol Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:30 am

    I have to say I am a little shocked that higher education is referred to in this discussion as only “a good school” or “University of Phoenix”.
    I would urge the folks here to take a look at this blog: http://elearningpundit.com/, read more about the improved quality and improved opinion of online education, and go from there.
    For some quick examples of respected big leauge online schools: University of Arizona MBA, Penn State -undergrad and graduate degrees. Ivy League: Cornell has a number of online certificates. Highly regarded in this geographic region: University of Wisconsin-Platteville, Cardinal Stritch.

24. 24.
    Tyler Tervooren Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:45 am

    Wow. There is some amazing advice in the comments today. It’s all so relevant to my situation as well.

    I am earning a good salary working with people I love for a company that treats me well, but the work itself is not fulfilling.

    I’ve been a great saver, could support myself for a long time if I quit, and have no family to support at the time. Yet, there is a psychological barrier that is still holding me back from trying to do something else.

    All the money I’ve saved so far has been targeted towards specific goals such as buying a house, a car, a great vacation, so on and so forth.

    Leaving my job right now would be accepting that those goals were the wrong ones for the situation I am in. After spending so much time working on them, that’s a tough pill to swallow.

    I’ve killed myself to get where I am today and when you do that, it becomes incredibly hard to admit that it wasn’t the right path.

    Still, I recognize that the longer I stay in the wrong situation, the worse it will get.

    Mike,

    I can’t offer you a lot of advice at the moment, but, luckily, everyone above me has done a pretty fantastic job of it. I can offer you the knowledge that you’re not the only one trying to figure this out. I’m sure you already know that, but sometimes knowing someone is out there with you is comforting.

    If you ever wanted to chat about it, my inbox is always open.

25. 25.
    Avistew Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:47 am

    Do you not know what you love, or do you not dare doing it?
    Most people do know what they enjoy. Most people do have dreams.

    If you’re one of those who haven’t found out what they would really love doing, I would suggest taking some beginner classes in a variety of fields, and see how you like them. Or you can borrow books from the library.

    If you like handyman stuff, you can try and learn how to make…well, whatever you want, really.

    The real question is, can your family live on your wife’s income alone? And if so, would she be willing to support you all while you try and find yourself?
    It might only come to you once you’re not working, but on the other hand if you quit your job there might be no turning back. Are you ready for that?

    To be on the safe side, I would suggest to figure out what you want to do before quitting your job. But sometimes you need an electroshock or you never change your ways.

    Do you like writing? Acting? Singing? Have you always wanted to create things? Or teach? Or… what?
    Nobody can really figure it out for you, only you have the answers, but you need to really ask yourself the right questions, and let go of your fear of failure. If you can survive on your wife’s income alone and she’s willing to support you, you will possibly have hard times not earning any money or hardly any, while you start your passion from scratch. You might feel inadequate and like a dead weight. You need to consider that before making a decision.

    You can also get the best of both world and reduce your hours to free more time but still earn some money.

    Good luck!

26. 26.
    Cali Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 9:28 am

    I ran into this problem a few years ago and didn’t know which career to pursue. But, I did know the characteristics needed to make me happy and wrote down a list of about 8 things. Whenever I thought of a possible career, I pulled out the list to see if it would satisfy those items identified. It really helped narrow down my choices.

27. 27.
    Foxie || CarsxGirl Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 10:25 am

    This is exactly the type of situation I am trying to avoid! I see so many people start down one thing and end up hating it, only to find they’re too trapped to get out. Because of this, I’m working on making sure I always build myself an “out,” so that I never have to feel trapped by my job.

    Heck, I already feel fairly trapped by my current job, but it’s just a college retail job that really pays peanuts. I know I’m gonna get out of it in the next year or so, so there’s not much sense in rocking the boat yet. I’m just making the best of it and working on my other passion — automotive writing & photography. All I can say is, if I don’t like the job that pays peanuts now but I stick around for the money, I want to do all I can to make sure money’s no longer a factor!!

28. 28.
    Carla Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 10:32 am

    @Helen #13 - There is always going to be someone in a worse or seemingly helpless situation. I’m going on 31 and almost wish I was in his situation. Dealing with a chronic illness, on state disability since March, now also on social security and hoping to get back in the workforce sometime in 2010 without a college degree when I’ve made as much as $60K year in the past seems dire. Being out of work for that long without an explanation (because I don’t want to tell potential employers that I have a chronic illness) is a recipe for disaster.

    With that said, you’re right; no one these days only have one career in their lives.

    I plan on continuing to work on my website (retail store), going back to school taking classes here and there to work on a degree, researching career and business options in a field that I can do with my limitations. It may take a while, it may take years, but you have to work towards *something*. Even if you’re blessed to not get laid off and stay at your job for five more years, at least you’ll feel better that you’re working towards a goal.

    Book: One Person, Multiple Careers - A new model for work/life success. by Marci Alboher.

29. 29.
    Lise Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    I was in a situation similar to Mike’s in 2005. I was 34 and a single mother of a 6-year-old boy, but I was pretty well off. I was making six figures in IT, and I also had a mortgage and child-care expenses, but the finances were fine. The problem was the job - I was burnt out by IT after 13 years in it, and the stress was literally killing me.

    The company I worked for encouraged volunteering, and after doing some of that I decided that I wanted to become a teacher. I was ahead of Mike in that I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t sure (and I’m still not sure, honestly) that I’m truly passionate about it and want to do it until age 65.

    Like Mike I had a supportive partner, but at this point he was still a boyfriend. We decided to get married and bought a house together, with the bank approving us for a mortgage based on our two incomes.

    Around here the finances got strange. My fiance’s condo sold, but my house did not, so we had two mortgages when we moved in to the new place. On the day the house sale closed I couldn’t take it anymore, and quit my job. A month after that we were in a highway head-on collision, my trusty 10-year-old Civic (our only car) was totalled, and I got only $6000 from the insurance company to cover it. I bought an old beater with the $6000 to avoid taking on a car payment. I was too late to apply to teacher’s college for the fall, and was faced with TWO years before I could start work in my new chosen field.

    For the first year my fiance (now my husband) supported us. I did carpentry and painting work on my house to get ready for the following spring market, so after carrying two mortgages for 8 months we finally sold it and I was able to make my contribution to our new house. I picked up a couple of IT contracts to bring in extra money, plus math tutoring and did grunt work on a math textbook to make money and get experience I hoped would help in my career. We started practicing being frugal!

    The second year my husband continued to support us. I was in school, so there were tuition expenses on top of the regular expenses. I continued to do tutoring, since it worked around my class schedule. Daycare got a little cheaper as my son got older, and that helped. Money was incredibly tight, especially that final summer.

    There were no teaching jobs when I got out of school, so in my first year in my new career I took a one-year contract as an intern, making 75% of the pay of a regular teacher. Fortunately they recognized some of my years of work experience, so I started a few rungs up from the bottom of the union salary grid. (Let me point out as a side note how weird it is to go from a merit-pay system to union-negotiated salaries.)

    In my second year I got another one-year contract as a regular full-time teacher, and I’m now in my third year and have been hired on permanently. Early on I took a good look at the salary grid, and made a plan to get myself into the highest-paid category. That meant taking the time and paying the tuition to take extra courses, which I’ve done now, although it took a couple of years. I make about 70% of my former salary, although it’s probably less than that if you consider the pay increases I would have gotten if I’d stayed in the IT industry.

    Am I happy with the change? Overall, yes, although I’m not going to pretend to y’all that everything is peaches and cream. Teaching is even more stressful than IT, but the fact that I picked it is worth something, and once you’ve got a position for a year, teaching is largely self-directed.

    So, for what it’s worth, that’s my story of what I did in a similar situation. I don’t feel qualified to give advice, but I can provide a perspective!

    I will say that the book “Your Money or Your Life” was pivotal for my husband and I. Since learning to live on one income we’ve continued our frugal lifestyle. We allow ourselves vacations and eating out now, but we are plowing 40% of our income into retirement savings.

    I would also encourage Mike not to think of it as an all-or-nothing choice, the way I did it. I have a friend who is in IT and actively involved in volunteering in Haiti. She isn’t ready to quit her job and move to Haiti, but she’s investigating options - taking a leave of absence for a few weeks, and working part-time. Perhaps there are creative things Mike could consider with his employer? It’s cheaper for the company to retain a good employee than a hire and train a new one, so he should be able to leverage that in the short-term while he experiments with contracting, if that ends up being what he decides to do.

    Now I will hit “Submit”, then go back and read the other poster’s comments!

30. 30.
    valletta Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 10:47 am

    No blame, no shame, no guilt, no regrets.
    Think of yourself as a work in progress, for the rest of your life.
    Something that worked five years ago may not fit your needs for fulfillment at this stage. Be flexible.
    I’ve made lots of money doing a job I didn’t love, I’ve been in incredible debt doing a job I LOVED and thought I’d do the rest of my life.
    I’m now starting over in a way and will be making good money but I hope that I’ve learned what I will tolerate and what I won’t.

    My first boss taught me a lot of things (some I’m sure he didn’t realize:)
    He used to use the term “golden handcuffs” a lot, usually with a miserable look on his face. He used to say always have an “FU fund” (crude term, his not mine:) so if you have to you can quit a job when YOU want to.
    Self determination, or the perception of it, is priceless.

    My dad was on the verge of an early retirement, frustrated with the turn his career had taken and one Saturday morning at the age of 50 keeled over from a massive heart attack at the breakfast table. You can be sure that had an impact on how I view my life and my work life. And what matters to me.

31. 31.
    Financial Samurai Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 10:49 am

    My advice is to do what you WANT to do! Life is waaaay too short to be miserable at your job, and your job in IT does sound pretty miserable.

    $75,000 is a pretty darn good salary, but it is not a great salary. I mention this in my post “Fortunes, Fortunes, Everywhere”, where a TON of people make 6 figure salaries, and these jobs are everywhere. Police officers, educators, firemen etc.

    Do what you want to do and don’t get stuck. 31 years old is still young enough to change.

    Be free!

32. 32.
    John Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 10:53 am

    Well I sure know how it feels. I graduated college in 2002. I got my first real IT job almost a year later. I absolutely hated it. After only 4 months, the company I worked for let me go to hire someone for less money. I knew right then that I did not want to continue my career in the IT industry. After doing a few odd jobs, I decided to give the world of aviation a try. I loved working with my hands as well so I thought it would be fun to try. Starting out, I made little money. I started my career at around $25k/yr. After working on building my experience and resume up, I moved on to another company. Now I love going to work. I work for one of the most respected defense contractors in the world. I’m pulling in $50k-$60k/yr and only work overtime when I choose to work. I probably could have stuck with the IT industry, but I know I would have been absolutely miserable.

33. 33.
    Honey Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:05 am

    This is interesting to me. My boyfriend thought about the “get paid to do what you love” advice, and decided there was absolutely no work that he liked doing. So he became an attorney for the money.

    Now he hates his job, but he has to keep it because he has $100K in student loans and $40K in credit card debt, all accrued while earning the degree.

    We live in a tiny apartment that costs us $976/mo., so no lifestyle inflation going on here. He is thinking he will try a move to another company to see if that helps things, perhaps in another city (he grew up where we are now and is sick of it), but what if it doesn’t? We think about this all the time…

34. 34.
    Joe Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:07 am

    Mike does indeed need to grow up. He has a good salary and responsibilities that result from decisions he made.

    To consider downgrading his income in order to “find happiness” is a lazy excuse in my opinion. Not to mention that his wife will probably need to carry him, if she does not already.

    This is a classic example of the grass is always greener somewhere else.

    Mike should spend his efforts on looking inside himself, his attitude toward his job as well as his efforts toward his job. Talk to his boss about what he would like to see happen to make his position better. Ask for a mentor. Look for ways to leverage his experience in a different position within the company. Come up with ideas to make his job more enjoyable for him and beneficial to his company.

    Chances are, any good company would jump at the opportunity to makes employees more engaged.

    If there is no way to change his situation at his current company, define the ideal situation at another company: no “on call” responsibilities and then present his expertise to them while leveraging his experience (before he resigns).

    Read a couple of books on assertiveness and taking charge of your life.

    If small Construction jobs make you happy, do it on the weekends but keep your full time job.

    Talk to any of the 10-15% of the American population who are unemployed.

    In America, anyone who is cannot find happiness, even if its only on the weekends, just ain’t trying very hard.

    Personally for me…. I make a lot of money performing a good job doing something I only moderately enjoy. I do NOT see my job as the source of my happiness. My job is not my identity. The purpose of my job is to earn a living so that I can do the other things that I love. If we look to our job for our happiness we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

35. 35.
    Cindy Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:14 am

    There are too many choices in this world to stay in a job you do not like. They are just hard to come by now. Lay out all your options and go for it! There are plenty of suggestion here to get you started. That can be the scariest. I have been laid off for a year now, but have no intention of returning to my previous career, which I did enjoy but was at a deadend road. I was in a similiar situation as you. The advancement opportunities were not there, and I was wanting to move on but because of financial reasons was planning to stick it out for 6-12 months longer. But then the economy made my decision for me. I have returned to school and hope to start in a new field after graduating. It may involve stepping out of your “comfort zone” but having the support from your wife and family will make it worth while. If financially you can handle it then GO FOR IT!

36. 36.
    Tom Melancon Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:22 am

    I have a few suggestions. The federal government is always looking for people with IT experience. The pay is good, the benefits great and you really do work a 9-5 Monday through Friday gig. In the federal government, if you have to work on a Saturday when users aren’t on the network, you get comp-time or are paid time and a half for doing it.

    The second suggestion if you really want to change gears is to go to a community college and take their free career assessments to see what direction you might want to head toward.

    Finally, if you want a career that has a pretty quick re-tool time, its in the Renewable Energy field. There are schools that teach skills such as solar panel installation, low voltage wiring for solar, etc that can be completed for a few thousand dollars in weeks, and the job market is projected to be strong for years.

37. 37.
    Nika Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Wow! I am baffled at the comments that are telling Mike that he is selfish and immature and a job is just a job, suck it up. Apparently, these comments come from people who do not LOATHE their job. Come on people it is horrible to get up day after day and hate your job and have no passion for what you do. 35 hours to 50 hours is A LOT if you hate it. It just is, point blank. I have been in the insurance industry for a number of years and I hate it. I’ve had times were I had to step outside and cry because it just felt so meaningless. I am still at that point. I haven’t left my job because I need the money and I know to go into something else I will take a huge paycut. Will I leave yes. I have to because otherwise my health and mental well being will suffer simply because I HATE my job. I searched my soul and I do believe that I need to be in a field where I am a “helper/counselor.” I’m thinking social work, but I don’t know how to get into the field without any experience.

38. 38.
    Caitlin Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I was in a similar position. I didn’t like my job, but it paid well. Not only did I not like it, it was actively detrimental to my health/happiness, due to issues at work. These issues did not change over years, but I kept trying to ignore them because “we need the money”.

    I gave it some time to get better (I actively tried to make it better, I didn’t just sit on my ass and wait for it to fix itself) and when it didn’t in the slightest, I found a different job and gave my notice.
    My old boss tried to keep me by offering to increase my salary by 15k starting Monday and to nearly double within 3 years.
    I was sooo tempted, and I had some long, long talks with my husband over what I should do.

    In the end, I turned it down and took the new job (at a salary comparable to what I had been making). BEST THING I EVER DID. Hands down.
    A job just to “pay the bills” that kills you a little inside is not worth it. Maybe for a while, to burn through some debt, or to keep food on the table, but not indefinitely. Life is too short for that kind of stress.

    Now my job IS a source of happiness. It’s not my identity, and it’s not my only source of happiness, but it’s a source of happiness and money, instead of sadness and money.

39. 39.
    Credit Card Chaser Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:53 am

    It really helped me quite a bit when I first graduated from college to write out a list of every single characteristic that I wanted in a career. I started out with general type things and then refined them to become more specific. Once I had my list then it was easy for me to evaluate each potential job or business opportunity based on my list. I now am a serial entrepreneur and wouldn’t have it any other way but if I hadn’t taken the time to write out exactly what I was looking for then I likely wouldn’t have found it.

40. 40.
    funkright Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    This comment is just, plainly, useless “To consider downgrading his income in order to “find happiness” is a lazy excuse in my opinion…”

    Where did you find that wisdom, in a box of crackerjacks?

    Then you go off to slam him about his wife ‘possibly’ carrying him already? Isn’t marriage a partnership?

    Managing his/their lifestyle (inflation/deflation) is the responsible thing to do in the current situation. It can or will afford his family the opportunity to evaluate other alternatives which may better their life.

    Does he need to carry a big mortgage and garner a sizable paycheck to be a good man? I don’t think so, but it looks like some do. That’s definitely a disappointing commentary.

41. 41.
    lavrenka Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    There is a point in one’s life where once you pass a certain level of income, it’s difficult to go back to a lower salary. I make $95k/year, plus an average $20k bonus in an non-management position working for a large corporation. I manage a multi-billion dollar product portfolio and make multi million dollar decision that directly affect the bottom line almost every day. My job has it’s good and bad parts. The challenges come, mostly, from managing other people and how their decisions affect my ability to function well in my position. I do, on occassion, fantasize about having less responsibility and the associated lower income.

    However, the reality is taking a $20+ paycut isn’t in the cards for me. I’m the sole provider for my wife and stepson and pay around $15k in child support each year to my own son. A lower salary would not reduce my child support payments and at this point, I wouldn’t consider a lower paying job because of that. Not that I’m complaining, it is just a fact.

    In addition, I max out my 401k contributions, pay premiums on life insurance, fund a 529, and am still able to save money for a rainy day fund and the eventual downpayment for a house.

    I used to have a poor attitude in many of my positions, but eventually realized I am responsible for my own happiness in any job I have. My experience is a great boss can make all the difference in the world, regardless of pay.

    One day, when my obligations are not as high, I will definitely pursue a lower paying and, hopefully, less stressful work environment. But, for now, I do my best to make the best of it. To use a phrase one my my VP’s has used many times, “It’s not like we’re saving babies in our line of work. Keep it in perspective.

    Best!

42. 42.
    Meredith Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    I suggest doing some networking. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity, or other non-profit. It will help you expand your skills and meet people in the field you are considering joining. Throw out a net and see what you catch. You don’t have to make a decision now. Very easily you can open up doors with out making a huge commitment. I am in my current career, consultant/bookkeeper because I helped a friend research how to hire employees and set up a bookkeeping system.

43. 43.
    catherine Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    So much good advice already. I’d add, don’t assume that your hobbies will make good jobs for you. I explored that and discovered that I like my hobbies to be hobbies.

    Another option (although the economic climate may not make this a good choice right now) is contracting. I took this option and it’s proved fantastic. I took skills I already had, and started selling them into related industries where they are highly valued because most people in the other industries don’t have them. I have learned a ton of new skills because every job is different, and I’ve gradually discovered what I’m really good at that others will pay me for.

    I guess what I’d advocate is evolution not revolution.

44. 44.
    james Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    I have no answer becasue the story was so much like mine. I Have a son, one on teh way, married, and we are both in the IT field and hate it. I want her to work from home, but my jobs pays lower than hers and insurance at my work is costly… the good part is that we are set to have our mortgage paid off in 7 months (original amount was $116,000)… though, this is at the expense of enjoying any aspect of life that involves spending money,

45. 45.
    E Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 1:25 pm

    It depends a lot on whether you really hate your job or you’re just not inspired. In the former case, where your life is being sucked from you and you’re miserable to be around, it’s to everyone’s benefit to get you out of there asap. That means cutting expenses, finding a short-term “bridge” job, doing whatever it takes for you to quit. In the latter case, where passion is missing, you can keep the job while you figure out what you need; whether it’s an attitude adjustment, or training in a new field, or just learning to ask for what you need at work.

    Which is it, Mike?

46. 46.
    ami | 40daystochange Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Love the post and the discussion! I can completely relate to Mike’s story - I’m working through a similar situation, but I’m aiming for work that I love over work that makes good money (not that I have any objection to making good money in work that I love).

    To touch on FMF’s prior post on religion, I believe that loving your work is a sign that you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. In other words, having passion for your work is a sign that you have found your talent, your unique gift from God. Your obligation is to nurture and steward your talent. But you shouldn’t assume that work that you love will bring you less wealth and success than work that you hate. Think bigger! Broader! Is there a way to leverage your existing skills to make your talent more valuable or accessible or marketable? Can you combine the old and new skills? Or can you use existing skills in a temporary or part time role (say, serial consulting gigs) to make the minimum you need to pay your bills - and then spend the rest of your time on your passion?

    Your IT skills may give you more options than you realize to support the development and nurturing of your vocation. It’s ok to start small, as long as you have the courage to start! Good luck to you.

47. 47.
    John Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    To Catherina in comment #43: the comment you made about hobbies should sometimes just be hobbies couldn’t be a more true statement. I got into the IT industry because I started messing with computers at an early age. When I was in high school, most kids worked at Wal-Mart or Hardee’s. I worked for my ISP repairing PCs and doing web design. It seemed like I was destined to work in the IT industry. Then I went to college. It was there I started wondering if it was for me. Then I graduated and got my first real IT job. I was only there 4 months, but by the time they let me go, I hated working on PCs so much, I didn’t even want to use my own PC at home. I made the decision to leave the industry and I still stand by that decision today. Ironically, lately, my career has slowly turned into my hobby. I’m an aircraft assembler right now and I am currently working on my private pilot’s license and have started working on my own homebuilt aircraft.

48. 48.
    Pieter Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    The common talk about finding a job you love is great. But personally, I’ve decided to take the advice of the World’s Most Interesting Man in choosing a career:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNYHoI47fw0

49. 49.
    Tim Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    it’s amazing how we focus on the wrong things. it isn’t the job he hates, it is the fact he feels unappreciated or un-noticed. His wife gets attention, he feels like he doesn’t. he needs to address the problem why he feels unappreciated or unnoticed. switching jobs isn’t going to resolve that issue either. if you are an attention whore, then it goes without saying that you are going to have to do something to gain attention.

    i find people’s mentality towards work is a bit off, and we choose to focus on symptoms rather than the underlying problem. i also think that we simply like to complain how much we hate our jobs, etc. the grass isn’t greener. i’m sure there are plenty of moments for those who find their job rewarding that they absolutely feel miserable at times. it’s impossible not to. “rewarding” job isn’t a function of the job, it is a function of your perception about the job.

    if you are that miserable then change jobs. the problem is people focus again on a symptom, which causes them to think that they can’t switch jobs. symptom being they’ve fit a lifestyle to what they make and the security of what they make. i think some people are simply masochists and like to be angry about their job. that in itself is a motivator for going to work. if you aren’t pathetic in your life, then others must be too.

50. 50.
    zud Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    My advice to Mike would be to save money now and prepare for reduced income while you search for a new job/career path. The saving part is probably going to be the easiest and the finding new career part the hardest. But you’ve learned a valuable lesson in that fulfillment is going to take you farther than high salary. This is not the case for everyone.

    When you have your nest up ready start researching courses or programs that might interest you. I have found that having an online course, night school, continuing education, community center type course under your belt will make you more attractive to potential mentors, plus its a way to find a mentor.

    My other suggestion is to take a variety of courses. Of course you don’t know what you want to do when you grow up, because you haven’t tried enough vocations. I can tell you what a teacher, or doctor or Mcdonalds employee does, but do I know how it really FEELS to do that job? No, not until I step into their shoes.

    Grant yourself one year to test the waters, but this is not a “year off work”. Expect that you might even be busier as you take courses, do some volunteering, research the internet, do some for free job shadowing etc…

    As for making up to or more than 75K again, for sure you will even if you start from scratch. However the key is that you must be good/great at what you do and that takes talent, hardwork and years experience. A mediocre piano teacher could make 30K year, an EXCELLENT teacher i’m sure could make 75K. Same goes for a secretary turned executive assistant etc… Be wary of jobs with set pay limits tho such as government and low skill jobs.

    good luck

51. 51.
    David/Yourfinances101 Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    When I was still in debt, or actually, not where I wanted to be financially, I stayed in a job that I did not like becaause it paid me well and allowed me to get out of debt faster.

    If faced with the same situation again, I would probably do the same. Any stress or unhappiness associated with a job I didn’t like paled in comparision to all of the baggage that came along with financial instability. Of course, as soon as I was close to my financial goals, I got out

52. 52.
    Ashley Dolbert Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    One of the biggest challenges you face early on (or at any time in life I guess) is that your passions don’t always line up properly with your earning potential.

    Take my interest in Art History for example. As much as I love it, there is simply no real way for me to make a good living doing it.

    Another possibility is to find a way to earn a living that doesn’t eat up a tremendous amount of your time. Many of us could handle doing something we didn’t necessarily like if we only had to do it for 3-5 hours a day instead of 8-12 hours a day.

    That shorter day gives us much more time to pursue the things we are *really* passionate about in life, while still finding a way to “bring home the bacon”!

53. 53.
    Sue Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    Mike is being responsible. He’s thinking about what he should do next. He’s asking for advice. He didn’t quit his job suddenly. He’s being thoughtful about it and considering all his obligations.

    Sometimes you get to that point, though, where you just can’t do it one more day, for whatever reason. Maybe you just realize this is not what you thought life would be like when you were dreaming about being a grown up when you were still a kid. Maybe the little sacrifices you made, one at a time, in order to squeeze your square self into the round hole of your job just wore you down too much.

    Mike, you owe it to yourself to explore your options just as you are doing, thoughtfully and responsibly. But explore you must. Maybe the exploring itself will waken you to all kinds of possibilities that you didn’t even know were out there or within you, even.

    I believe that there is a quality to life. And it lies within the balance of faith, family, and work. Wouldn’t it be grand if you and your wife could find a lifestyle that gave you more time with each other and your kids and you both had jobs you love and maybe they were part-time or flex-time or tele-commuting?

    At the end of the day (really, I mean the end of our lives) it’s not what we do with our lives but how we conduct ourselves on a daily basis that people remember us for. And I believe that what we remember about ourselves are all the relationships we enjoyed throughout our lives.

    One of the most memorable people I ever knew was an elderly widow who worked at our local pharmacy as a clerk. She was always kind and thoughtful and had a word of good cheer for everyone. Her funeral was attended by hundreds of people who loved her. Her daughter said, “This is Mom’s favorite bible verse: Rejoice and be glad in it for this is the day the Lord has made.” And she did live that way. I guess she had found the balance of faith, and family, and work that filled her needs. We should all be so fortunate.

    I know this is a column about money but quality of life and money just seem to intersect here.

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    PicsieChick Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Wow! So many comments!

    Well, I have just, thankfully, been let go from a job I hated, working for yet another paranoid egomaniac! I’ve worked as administrative assistant / office manager/ office girl in various industries and companies, both large and small, for a good 20 years. The universe consistently puts really awful bosses in front of me, and this time I finally took the hint.

    My new career will be completely different! I’m going to open a ladies kickboxing franchise in my own town in Sept 2010. How did I think of it? Well, it took two people who are close to me and know me well to suggest it. When my husband actually asked me: Why don’t you open a Kix 4 Chix? http://www.kix4chix.ca All I could say was: Yeah, why don’t I?

    We started making lifestyle changes awhile ago, when he decided to become a real estate agent. He’s still studying. I’ve been making plans and training quietly in the hopes that the boss wouldn’t fire me for being disloyal, but he let me go this week anyway. I’m confident I’ll find another job, probably at lower pay, and I’m excited that I can be honest with them about my future plans. And I am super excited that I’ll get to run such a great business and help women, and stay fit, and get to use all those administrative skills just a little, but get to *move* every day! Far too exciting!

    So, my advise to Mike is to talk to lots of people you know. Maybe someone will say something that will get you thinking about a career you’ve never thought about. There will be something that, every single time you picture yourself doing that job, you’ll smile. Your whole being will smile. And once you figure that out, just keep thinking it, stay open to the ideas that come to you and don’t worry!

    To all of you in difficult places - you can get out! Keep positive and keep dreaming!

    Hugs and butterflies,
    ~PC~

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    GE Milelr Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    JD made a great point in the post that I would recommend Mike take to heart as a first step. Reduce your expenses. Mike has a hefty mortgage, by his own words. This makes me think that he is perhaps living above his means and that part of his unhappiness is due to his reliance on his paycheck and in feeling trapped in his job. If you can, Mike, downsize the house, and limit your expenses as much as possible as a first step. Maybe see if your employer can give you part-time contract work at a higher pay while you make your career transition during the rest of the week. Not easy things to do - but definitely all possible.

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    KS Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Fascinating discussion. I’m a college professor - interestingly, I teach in IT! Sole breadwinner, ADORE my career which I stumbled into, but am realizing I don’t like my job for a number of reasons. But there’s just not a lot of positions in my field (or any field, I think) out there. We have a mortgage and hefty student loans, but that’s it. I haven’t been sure of my path, but based on this conversation, I’ve gotten some more thoughts together on what I want to do.

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    Jennifer A Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Hi Mike,

    I was in the same exact situation as you. Working in the interactive/online media field - miserable, unmoved/dispassionate, jaded, demoralized and just wanting to leave. I’ve felt this way for the first 6 years on my career. It was tough to give up as I was also earning really good money that I didn’t think I’d find elsewhere.

    However, something changed in the last year. It was leadership.

    It’s not leadership on my part, but a change of manager and team/dept. I was moved to another department with a different manager. It’s amazing how much your life can change under the right leadership and mentorship. Everything suddenly made sense to me - what we’re here for in the company, what our goals were, where we are headed towards, and how we were doing against our goals. It made me feel like my contributions mattered and it was important. I was there for a purpose in the team and it contributed to the success of our product.

    All I am saying is that, before you leave your career completely, see if you can get yourself in a new company or department (one that is more of a tightly run ship and that is more in line with your values and beliefs). Having the right manager and team can do wonders in your life at work. It has for me.

    Good luck!

    Jennifer

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    Nika Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Comment #52, I like your line of thinking. hmm…

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    Chett Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    I would tell my story about switching careers but it sounds a lot like the story of Mike and many other posters. Instead I wanted to share a tool I created on Excel to compare the numbers on income and salary to make the leap a little easier.

    I left a job that paid more than twice what I make now, but I have more time for my family now, and overall am happier. I did exactly what others here are suggesting. I stuck it out while I hated my job and dabbled in the things that interested me. Then I put numbers to the new profession to see how it would impact my families lives.

    I have posted the link to my website only to share the file to an excel spreadsheet that I created for this exact purpose. Looking at an income at a job that pays well and crunching the numbers to see what my pay would look like somewhere else.

    Here is the link to the site http://www.5k5k.org

    (Sorry for plugging the site J.D. I didn’t know how else to share the file.)

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    lynnor Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    wow. lots of in-depth answers. I am currently switching from IT to finance. I did some personality tests, took some classes and am now looking for a job in the new field.

    Anyhow, I’d first talk to your spouse. Sometimes talking it out will help you see whether you don’t like the work or just the company you are currently at as well as gauge what type of emotional support you’ll get. Or maybe the handy-work is a good hobby and just a switch to security or development or DB or just a switch to a small company would scratch the itch.

    You mentioned a hefty mortgage and liking to work w/ your hands. Do you have enough set aside to work on weekends on a smaller fixer-upper to move into (reduce mortgage) and sell current house? …assuming not upside down on current house. Another idea to see if you like fixing up/selling houses is to partner w/ someone that has done that. I know my dad has fixed up several houses and sold for profit (and ones that couldn’t sell, rented out until market picked up)

    I know I’m giving up a good salary and will be making very little the next 3-5 yrs. (and I have 2 little ones), but should move up after then and hopefully surpass what I was making.

    Good luck

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    JoDi Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    The first thing I would do is clarify exactly why you don’t like the type of work you’re doing as much anymore.

    1. Is it the “on-call” status?
    2. Is it the lack of acknowledgement for the extra hours you put it?
    3. Is it boredom with what you’re doing?

    Would remedying one of those things make it better, or is it going to take all 3?

    You can remedy the first two by going to work for a different company. Another commenter mentioned the mandated 40 hour week for government jobs in the discussion of the FMF guest post. I have a friend who works for a government contractor, and they have the mandated 40 hour work week also. She is in IT, and if she hits 40 hours at 10 a.m. on Friday, it’s time to go home, and it is enforced. There are IT jobs that don’t require you to be on-call all the time.

    The third one can be remedied in a number of ways. Are there other jobs within your company that have a different IT focus? Are there courses you can take in an IT specialty that interests you? The courses can meet your need for more fulfillment now and lead to another career avenue that will be more satisfying in the future.

    FWIW - I don’t know if your involvement in construction was as a hobby or as a part-time job before you entered your current field, but I would recommend you keep it as a hobby. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or some other worthy organization. I can tell you from co-owning a construction business for 20 years that enjoying working with your hands for friends and family and doing it as a job are two different worlds. Once you have to worry about constantly finding new projects to make money and trying to get paid by builders and homeowners, a lot of the enjoyment disappears. It becomes a job like any other job, and you’ll soon find you’re not as happy doing it any more.

    I work in IT, and I find that a lot of my enjoyment comes in keeping it fresh by doing new things and always learning. I find that I get bored doing the same thing after about 3 years max so I have to change it up somehow. Best wishes as you figure how to do that in the best way for you and your family!

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    Sarah K Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    I wonder if this person could do IT part time while he gains experience in the career he thinks he might like to pursue?

    I left a fairly high-paying job to become a social worker. When I was trying to decide what I wanted to be when I “grew up” I volunteered in the type of job I wanted while still working at my day job. When I knew I wanted to do it for sure, I left my job to take a lowly, underpaid position in social service, just to build my experience so I could go to grad school and get the type of job I wanted. It would have been a big risk if I hadn’t already taken the time to make sure I liked the work.

    I now have a job that that pays only 32k, and $50k in grad school debt. I don’t have a very expensive lifestyle though, and I love my job - LOVE my job. I also have a small home business that I love to run that also brings in some income. I’m paid years ahead on my loans and have a good chunk in savings, because I live beneath my means. If I’d already had a mortgage when I changed careers, I would have felt trapped too.

    I may be an extreme example but I do think you can make big life changes like this while being perfectly reasonable and systematic - you don’t have to give in to that cliche of throwing caution to the wind and losing your shirt trying to do something you “love.”

63. 63.
    Sarah K Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    Tim, I think you’re too quick to diagnose Mike’s problem as needing attention. You really don’t think it can make a difference to us what we do for our job? For me (I’ve had about 25 jobs) the most important thing is to do something that I believe is important. It’s not about other people noticing what I’m doing, but about me believing that the job is worth what I sacrifice to do it.

64. 64.
    Chris Edgar Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    Thanks for this post. I often work with people in similar situations, and what I find much of the time is that, although they say they don’t know what they want, on some level they actually do — they simply don’t feel like they have a safe, nonjudgmental environment to reveal it in — instead they feel surrounded by people who will judge and criticize. If we just find a compassionate, non-judging listener, I’ve found, often all these desires come spontaneously pouring out of us.

65. 65.
    Bill Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    IT jobs that suck usually are infrastructure jobs. If possible move from systems management to programming. The infrastructure jobs typically are loaded with stress and underappreciation.

66. 66.
    Lola Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Just wanted to comment and say thanks for all the great ideas that have been posted. I have jotted several of them down to think about/take action on. I have been losing waaay to much sleep over my job lately and for the first time the other night (morning, actually, it was 3 am and as usual my head was spinning with the responsibilites of my job) I knew I had to make a change.

67. 67.
    Victor Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    Mike,

    I have two kids, a house, and am the sole money-maker. I work with people I despise in IT, making same amount as you. It is my responsibility to take care of my family financially, as Wife is a SAHM. I know my work is not appreciated. I am needed; not wanted. I do the job because I have to. I am working on paying off mortgage (only debt left). Once that occurs, I can focus on moving to another position. Facts of life can be harsh, but make the most of it. If wishes were fishes, I’d have a pond full. Work hard now and see what else you can do on your own time. Build that into something more, and when you are financially viable to leave your job, then leave. Until then, focus on building your future and providing for your family. Enjoy the time you have with the family, as that is the fuel to get through the work days. For me, I see the smile on my girls face when she does ballet, and I know that the job I do is paying for that.

68. 68.
    Marie Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    Not helpful, but as one of the many embittered unemployed, my first instinct is to say “Thank the heavens you have a job, and quit whining.”

69. 69.
    Vas Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    If you do not enjoy the job, move on to something that you will enjoy. It’s not healthy doing something that you do not like. Eventually you will quit as you will not be able to continue doing something you hate for the rest of your life. However if you do not have another job lined up well suck it up and continue to work until you do. At the end of the day you need to continue to earn.

70. 70.
    Tim Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    @63: nope, i don’t think so, based on the word choices he made. he’s not alone, most people just don’t feel they are acknowledged, get credit for, etc. we live in an attention whore society. why else is twitter, FB, blogging, myspace, youtube, etc so popular? We want to be heard and acknowledged. the fact is, the vast, vast majority of us will never make the news, never be “famous”, never actually see any reward for the effort we do. That’s the problem. Mike simply finds his job unrewarding for whatever reason, and it isn’t necessarily the work itself. focus on the real problem.

    you have had over 25 jobs? that seems like a commitment issue, not doing something you believe in, because you can do one thing all your life if it is truly something you believe in. to me, changing jobs is just an excuse. i don’t buy that you are altruistic. you need feedback to verify that you are doing something meaningful. we all do. in of itself, “meaningful” means your desire that someone has acknowledged your work.

71. 71.
    medicinesux Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    This post hits home hard with me. I am in medicine and just finished a grueling residency that averaged 70 hr work weeks full of weekend, night, and holiday calls. Though that is behind me, I shudder at the thought of continuing on this path for another 30-40 years. Healthcare in this country is a mess right now- malpractice threats, increased workloads, declining reimbursements, LONG hours, being on call, malignant personalities, life and death decisions, tons of paperwork…need I go on? With the passage of time, my discontent with the medical field has only grown more and more to the point where I want out. My plan is to be out of medicine within a few years as soon as my six digit student loans are payed off and I have a small cushion built up to allow me to downshift to a much less stressful, enjoyable career. I have been living WAY below my means to hasten this process. I will take a 75K job that I love than work a job paying 150K that consumes my life anyday. Money can be like a drug where you can easily let the pursuit of it steal away your precious time left on this earth. We need to realize when enough is enough and appreciate what we have or otherwise work ourselves to an early grave. I realize this more than ever after spending nearly a decade in medicine. I yearn to be free again.
    -medicinesux

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    Eddie Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 12:31 am

    How many people at a funeral say “I wish he’d spent more time at the office?”

    It’s important to figure out what ones family needs(NEEDS, mind you),and make sure whatever employment one chooses meets this goal. It’s probably best in the long term to find something that engages one personality and mind, because doing anything utterly repugnant is contrary to human nature, and will lead to bad stuff somewhere in the mind and/or body….but beyond that I’ve found a sense of perspective has been my best tool for dealing with issues of job dissatisfaction. When I’ve had a bad day, I do the same thing I do on a good day- go home and tell my wife and kids that I love them.

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    Rebecca @ Time For Clarity Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 4:11 am

    Mike is still focusing on money, as he tries to create an equation to solve his problem. They are really two separate questions.

    First he needs enough clarity and quiet from his anxiety gallery, to consider what he wants and is good at. This will be a shortish list.

    Only then does the money issue enter, and as one of several equally important factors, for example, training required (time and cost), geography, potential satisfaction. He considers the list

    I highly recommend aptitude testing before any career counseling. Check out the Johnson O’Connor and Rockport Institutes, among others.

    Best of luck to Mike (and others with the same dilemma)–his kids need a happy dad, not a rich one!

74. 74.
    Kyle Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 4:26 am

    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

    I chased my dream and got it: I’m a sports reporter. I get paid to attend sporting events, interview coaches and athletes, and generally have a blast.

    The downside: I make less than I made working as a burger manager to pay for college, probably less than almost any other college graduate. I’m expected to be available for work almost any time of any day. I can’t remember the last time I had a weekend off. As a newsroom employee, I’m not allowed to be involved in almost anything in the community or politics to prevent conflicts of interest. My industry is dying on the vine and there is no room for advancement, the constant threat of layoffs and roughly 100 applicants for every open job. 500 for the good ones.

    I envy people who just have a boring 8-to-6 and an average-sized paycheck.

    It’s always greener

75. 75.
    Penny Farthing Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 8:12 am

    I completely agree with JD that it is essential to find a job that you enjoy. Until recently, I felt that it was somewhat self-indulgent and idealistic to believe I should look for a career that I really loved and felt was ideally suited to. However, I have recently changed my views on this; it seems to me now, after much thought on the subject, that in a competitive environment someone who is unenthusiastic about their job, and knows deep down that it is not right for them, is going to have a hard time competing long-term against others in their industry who have a true enthusiasm for it. (Quite apart from how soul-destroying it would be to try and do so…. ) I recently re-read “The Millionaire Mind” by Thomas Stanley and the message there that those who are financially successful tend to feel that their work is a vocation, and something they love, convinced me further that I should work towards finding my own ideal job.

    In terms of practicalities - I think those have been covered by other comments, but I would say that the earlier you can make a change, the sooner you will be in a career that is right for you. Also, at this point in your life it will be easier to give up a good income than it might be later, when you are more accustomed to it and perhaps have greater financial commitments.

76. 76.
    Catherine Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 8:23 am

    Is it the work or is it the company? If the work is fun and rewarding, maybe it’s the people, the corporate culture, the structure… it can be a lot of things that would go away if he found the right company.

    But if it’s the work itself, Mike should start exploring a new career altogether, while keeping his job and reducing his expenses. Does he need a house with “a hefty mortgage”? Can he downsize at all?

    This sounds new-agey, but I truly believe that you can’t really make decisions like this (a career change) into a totally rational process with a balance sheet of pros and cons. I think the first thing would be is to really pay attention to his gut, take a deep breath, and then see what happens. I would also recommend that in this process he reads “Work Less, Make More” by Jennifer White which teaches you how to actually enable the things about your work that drive your passion to make you money too. (You might love macrame, but there’s not much of a market for it these days, is there?) I read this book and quit my job the next week (I was on the verge anyway). I am doing exactly the WORK that I love, but I abandoned the stuff that was driving me nuts about my JOB and now I’m totally happy.

    In my life, so many times the opportunities and experiences that were the most rewarding were also the most surprising. But I somehow was lucky enough to trust the path I was on.

77. 77.
    J Brown Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 9:15 am

    I am in a similar area as Mike. I have been paying down the debt for the last 14 months, and we have chose to wait on selling our house. My family is growing, but my passion is not. I am the process of embracing change brought about by my action.

    I thank you for the comments, many have helped me reinforce my heart’s desires.

    I am currently reading 48 days to the work you love.

78. 78.
    Jessica Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 9:31 am

    There’s a lot that Mike could do to explore the idea of career change that comes BEFORE quitting his job: (1) “explore” other career fields, and (2) do some introspective exercises that clarify what he is good at, likes to do, what kind of environment stimulates him, etc. There are lots of ways to “explore” — I think the best is talking to people. Set up informational interviews (something I’m just figuring out how to do) with friends, contacts in different fields and ask people lots of questions about their job and career path. The second, the introspective work, can be guided through work with a career counsellor or reading books. I am in a group career coaching group - 8 women, 1 coach - and we do all sorts of exercises that help us isolate what we DO enjoy doing and what we have to offer. These are often writing exercises but also include things like: ask someone to tell you what they think your 3 biggest strengths are. I have learned that there are a lot of TRANSFERABLE skills that we often aren’t aware that we have and may help us cross career fields.

79. 79.
    Desiree Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 10:18 am

    I have asked some friends of mine if they like their jobs and most say no, they do it for the money. I would not want to be miserable for 30 years (before retirement) of my life just so I can drive a nice car and have a nice house, it would be pointless.

80. 80.
    Rebecca Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 10:53 am

    What a mix of comments! I really like Josh’s post (#9). And sometimes it really is the job that you don’t like. I have my own story, but I will only add that what it took for me to quit my job and open my own business (in the same line of work) was confidence to believe that I could actually pull it off. I have three young kids and had the family health insurance. But with planning you can find a way. Working for someone on the weekends or going back to school for different training may just give you the confidence.

    Mike, find what you love to do. It sounds like you have a supportive family, and this is doable! Yes, look at the finances, and you are going about this the responsible way. So you can be thankful that you have a job, but look at it as providing you income while you come up with your escape plan. I know from my experience that it will make your job bearable just beginning to formulate a plan. Congratulations!

81. 81.
    Deb Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    I also reached Mike’s dilemma in my mid 30s, and at the same time, was diagnosed with a chronic illness that is exacerbated by stress. I hated my job, hated the company I worked for, and hated the industy (it was a large HMO). The stress was literally making me ill. Truthfully, you won’t do well at something you hate doing.

    Mike, you can make the change. It may not happen overnight, but you can do it, and as your personal fulfillment and happiness increases, so will that of your family. We do bring emotional baggage from work home with us.

    I made some drastic changes, and now telecommute and only work 32-35 hours a week. I only earn $50k a year, as does hubby, but we live well within our means. I’m much happier for the change and I have virtually no work related expenses, no time lost to commuting, and minimal office politics.

    I went through some scary moments during the transition, and did a lot of soul searching. I came up with a small side business that gives me joy and extra fun $$. Life is NOT about how much you earn - only 40% of the Dutch (or is it Danes) work full time, yet they are some of the happiest people on the planet.

    Make a plan, set it in motion, make the timeline realistic. But don’t settle, and don’t let fear dictate your actions!

82. 82.
    Cliff Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 11:16 am

    I was able to discover what I loved to do early in my career, but only thanks in part to the wise words and input of a mentor.

    This passion has taken me all over the world and money has never been an issue. The choices I have made along the way are not for everyone, but I am convinced that anyone can find meaning in their life and career if they choose in to the process.

    How can I connect with Mike? I’d love to hear more of his story and encourage him along this way.

83. 83.
    RA Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 11:32 am

    I’m a software engineer, and I recently did not like my job, despite them paying me big bucks (~120k) at a huge, respected Internet company. The two factors that made me dislike my job were as follows:

    1. My manager and I had a hard time communicating. He wasn’t a bad person, but from a different culture from my own, and the communication just did not flow. So even after he gave me excellent opportunities & a promotion, I still felt stuck.

    2. My group was doing the same work over & over again. I need a change of pace. I didn’t feel like I was learning anything new or developing new skills.

    So I approached another group in the company, spoke to the engineers that worked there about the manager, work environment, and what they did. I made a decision.

    Now, no change is ever easy. Bringing this up to my current management, stand your ground when they promise “we have new opportunities coming up, you’re going to kick yourself in the head when you see what we’ll be doing”.

    I switched groups, have a new excellent manager, and like (not love) my job, making the same as before.

84. 84.
    mimms Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 11:50 am

    Hi, Mike -

    No one can tell you if you’re being lazy or immature or super-responsible; your wife’s and your feelings on the matter are all that are important. When you’re married, you’re a team: you against anyone stupid enough to take you on.

    Whatever you decide to do, for heaven’s sake, don’t worry about having her “carry” you unless she does; and if she does, find out if it’s a long-term issue or a short-term one. In other words, while she might be willing to be the primary wage earner for X period of time, or while you are achieving Y goal, she would feel uncomfortable after that. That’s what’s important, not “manning up” or “following your bliss.”

    Anyway, I crashed and burned in IT many years ago; I waited until I HATED going to work every day then enrolled in school. A week before I left, something blew up in my face. I went from having an excellent reputation there to costing the company thousands with no chance to fix things before I left. Word to the wise: avoid this. It’s bad. If you feel your work ethic slipping, it’s a huge sign of impending burnout.

    You don’t have to be passionate about your whole job, by the way. You might consider getting some personality and learning style testing done; it helped me clarify why some things in my life made sense and generated pleasure and others didn’t (even though I thought they should). This knowledge freed me to realize it’s OK that my career isn’t selling what I love to do; honestly, there isn’t actually anything I love so much that I want to do it all day. I’m not lazy, I just don’t have an avocation. So I sell my most marketable skill to an employer that values me in a field that gives me a lot of variety and independence.

    That said, here’s a coping strategy that I have found really works. Every day have at least one meal together with your family. Then, while you’re all together, have everyone list five things they’re grateful for. And every day, you have to have five NEW things. Gratitude is one of the things that research shows increases happiness.

85. 85.
    ebyt Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    I think that it’s important to have a job that you don’t hate, but at the same time (and I think you know this), you have to first think of your family’s well being. You don’t sound like you know what you want to do, so I think the first step is to figure that out. The sooner you figure this out, the sooner you will be out of the bad job. Like others suggested, try moving around in your company (if possible), or to another company, but still in the IT field. It might improve things drastically, or just enough to make your life more bearable while you continue to find what you really want to do.

    When I got out of university I worked at a job that I hated PLUS had low pay. I had to get out, and I did after a few months. My current job pays very well and isn’t 100% my dream job, but I am EXTREMELY grateful to have it. It will enable me to pursue my dreams (build a company), and I am trying to excel at it. I learn valuable skills daily that will help me with my company.

    Try to look at your job as a means to get where you really want to. It makes it a bit more bearable. Whenever I find myself not loving my current job, I remember just how bad my previous job was, and that the money I am making is helping me get to where I want to be in life.

    Try to remember that no job will be perfect, though. You will always have some gripe - that’s just the way life is. Hell, even Paris Hilton and Bill Gates have bad days, right?

    Starting a side business like some others have suggested is a good idea too, I think. You know you like to work with your hands, but can you make money off of it?

    Don’t listen to people who say that you should suck it up for the rest of your days. Why should you? But at the same time, you did choose to go into IT, you did choose to have a family (etc.), so the consequences of your choices dictate that it probably isn’t a good idea to simply jump ship to a lower paying job without serious planning and consideration. I also wonder why it’s always the lose-lose would you rather scenario of “Would you rather be miserable at a high paying job or happy at a lower paying one?” - why not be happy at a high paying job? Who says you have to make a lot less at a new job?

86. 86.
    Jean Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I’ve been in the same situation. I got an MBA, did all the right stuff, got my 6 figure income and then thought now what, and moreover I don’t like this. There are some good exercises to help in Nicholas Lore’s Pathfinder and believe it or not, Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Bottom line is that the answer will not appear magically for most people, you have to work very hard to find it, and the more you look outside yourself, the more clear the path becomes. I went through a great deal of soul searching and practical exercises and concluded that I am basically in the right occupation but not always in the right environment. So I now try to ensure that I get placed effectively i.e the right projects in my particular context, and when I can’t make that work, I get up every day and think to myself ‘what do people value from me, what do they need from me’ and I make sure that I deliver it - while I continue to try to change my environment to something that I find stimulating. Good Luck and thank you for writing I think many people have the same sort of existential dilemma and getting it out in the open helps all of us.

87. 87.
    Christina @ Northern Cheapskate Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    My husband was in a bit of a different situation. He quit a job that had a lot of power and prestige (newspaper editor) to earn his master’s degree so he could teach speech and communications classes at a community college. Many of our friends and family thought he was crazy - was throwing away his life - but he was miserable in his job. He pushed his way through graduate school in 1.5 years, and landed a job at a community college that allows him to work half as much for twice as much pay! It was a very good move for us.

    Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what’s best for YOU!

88. 88.
    Steve (cpastories) Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    J.D. I look forward to hearing what he decides to do… may be in a couple of years.

    Just to echo what others have said, and a little from my own experience.

    Don’t quit your job just because you think you can, otherwise you find out too late that you the “can” was “cannot”.
    From what you have shared, it appears to me that he does not have enough money saved up to live a couple of months without additional income? I think that’s one of the things that you encourage your readers to do. Get rid of debt (may be except mortgage), save up so that you have a nice emergency fund, etc. So, may be that should be his starting point. Once he gets to that point, get fired or quitting his job may not be as bad.
    In the mean time, while saving for rainy day, intended or otherwise, he should go to work cheerfully, put in all the hours needed to get the job done, thank God that he still has a nice paying job that’s supporting those he loves.

    One last point is that, with the economy as bad as it has been and is projected to be, he has to consider the probability of get “manual-labor” jobs as an apprentice. From my understanding, it appears the housing industry and related occupations are not doing great.

    For the moment, I think a bird in his hand is more than two in the bush.

    My $0.02.

89. 89.
    kazari Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    “I could do anything, if only I knew what it was”
    by Barbara Sher.
    This book is exactly aimed at people like Mike (and me).

    I earn six figures, but really don’t enjoy it. but i’ve started taking steps in a different direction. One thing that’s good to remember, is you don’t have to dump your day job all at once. if there’s a different field that appeals, take a course, read about it or something else…
    The important thing is to start moving.

90. 90.
    Ben Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    As a huge fan of Jerry Seinfeld, I would offer the advice he gave in a speech to school students at one point.
    1. Bust your ass
    2. Pay attention
    3. Fall in love

91. 91.
    IowaDC Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    I can empathize with Mike A LOT. I’m exploring a number of different options that can marry my loves of business, finance, and education/teaching.

    I decided some time ago to focus 40 hours on my day job and take the consequences of not working the hours my company demands to move up (regardless of whether you’re actually getting results - I get more results in 40 hours than many of my colleagues do in 60 or more). I’m much happier knowing I’m trying to escape from the bureaucracy and craft something I love to do. Of course, it helps that my tuition aid reimbursement period from my current employer is rapidly becoming shorter.

    Along with “48 Days to the Work You Love”, I would also recommend Pam Slim’s “Escape from Cubicle Nation”. The book is geared toward people like me who want to start something on their own, but I think anyone looking for a career change can gain some excellent insight about having personal finances and career thoughts in order.

92. 92.
    Zhu Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    I’ll sacrifice a high paying job for happiness, which doesn’t mean I would act stupidly.

    For, I’d save some money and sort out my financial situation, with the help of the high paying job. Quitting out of the blue doesn’t bring anything good.

    Then, I’d try to pinpoint the exact problem. Is it the job itself (i.e the tasks), the level of stress, the responsibilities that bother me?

    It’s important to assess the reasons for quitting to not make the same mistake again.

93. 93.
    Andrew @ webuildyourblog.com Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 12:22 am

    I’ve worked in the IT field for the last 29 years and all of that time was working for large corporate companies.

    I’ve been fairly successful, Head of IT, managing thousands of staff and earning well over 6 figures.

    Three years ago, I needed a new challenge but I knew I just couldn’t give up the job - I needed some money to live.

    And someone recommended, “start earning a living on-line”. That’s when I started, 3 years ago. I must admit I thought I was going to become very rich overnight. I believed all the hype. I created my first product - being a First-Class Manager. Thought I’d sit back and watch the money come rolling in. It didn’t.

    I knew this was going to be a hard slog. I created another product and another and another.

    After 3 years of hard work in the evenings and weekends on my on-line business, while working full-time, I left the corporate world and now work for myself and I LOVE IT!

    The income is a lot less (but I have plans for it grow!), but the freedom makes up for it. I still work long hours but I work when I want to.

    So if you can, start a plan ‘b’. Start on something while you are also working full-time and earning some income.

    It could pay off in the end.

    Andrew

94. 94.
    Jenn Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 2:19 am

    I am in a similar spot, keeping my high salary job for now but exploring what might make the daily grind less grinding.

    I stumbled upon a neat website called iCould.com; it is short videos of people talking about what they do and how they got there. I love it because it opens up many ideas of what is possible and shows a wide variety of paths to a beloved career. Worth checking out if you aren’t sure what job/career you want.

    Good luck Mike and others.

95. 95.
    RickSmithAuthor Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 6:45 am

    I just spent the last 4 years studying the topic of career change, and it is the subject of my new bestselling book, The Leap.

    Change happens to everyone. In fact, the ultimate key to fulfillment is finding your own path. In a down market, lots of people feel lost, primary because the traditional career paths are gone. But this is an opportunity - forget someone else’s career ladder and go find your own.

    Also, you dont need to make a dramatic change. Those I studied who successfully made The Leap were not daring risk takers - they were great risk mitigators. They used safe, simple steps toward a new path to eliminate the risk of the journey.

    Rick Smith
    twitter: @ricksmithauthor

96. 96.
    No Debt Plan Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 7:00 am

    I am also in a similar spot. Making good money in a job that I really don’t enjoy, but want to keep our financial goals on track. Eventually I want to either be a full-time personal finance blogger, or do something else that helps people with money… but the whole starting a new business and leaving the old behind isn’t exactly a good option right now.

97. 97.
    Kevin M Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 7:44 am

    If you really dread going in each day is there something immediate you could do to make it more tolerable?

    Say, perhaps cutting back to part-time and staying home with your kids a couple days a week? (decreased wages would be partially offset by decreased day care/commuting costs)

    This is something I’ve thought about as well. Otherwise, I will share what I’ve already done. I like my job, but I’ve found ways outside of it to challenge myself so I’m not defined by it. I made a “life list” and have started working on accomplishing those items. I also enjoy working with my hands like you mentioned, so a few challenges I want to undertake are: building furniture, volunteering for Habitat, tackling new projects around my home, etc.

    A couple weeks ago I accomplished one of the tasks on my list and overcoming that challenge was one of the best feeling I’ve had in awhile. I realized that I didn’t have it so bad at work and could explore other challenges on my own time. We’ve also worked hard at paying off debt and living frugally so when our second child is born, my wife can stay home (she’s P/T right now). It will be a decade or so until our mortgage is paid off, but just having that goal and seeing what options we’ll have when it is done keeps me motivated. Good luck to you and your family!

98. 98.
    Kamantha Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 7:45 am

    I was in this situation a couple of years ago. I like the IT field but wasnt happy doing network admin stuff. All guts, no glory. I then thought I would love the creativity of the graphic design field. Not! Too much pressure to be creative everyday. Now I am in the information security field on track to being a consultant. Still in computers but a whole different direction and focus.

    I would agree that if like the IT field but not your aspect of it, change direction. That way you dont negate years of certifications, learning, contacts, job experience, etc., but you still go a new direction. Worked for me!

99. 99.
    Mike Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 8:49 am
    Ok well I have been reading a LOT of these replies, and I think it might be a good time for me to clarify some things.

    1. Our only true expense at this time, is our mortgage. We have 2 newer vehicles that are paid off. We have no credit card or student loan dept either. Our retirements are both well funded, mine through a 401k and a Roth, and my wife through TRS and her Roth. We also have college savings accounts setup for both of our children. And we have about 4-5 months in an EF.

    2. I have no plans on leaving this job. Althugh I do not enjoy the work, the peopple and the company are great. I just dread the work. So maybe my thoughts didn’t quite make it to paper the way I wanted them to.

    3. My wife and I talk very openly about our finances and our career decisions. She is on board with me changing careers if it is something I want to do. We have both been very supportive of each other in all endeavors, so that would not be an issue.

    4. I know people keep telling me to downsize the house, but truth be told, that is not an option. We have 2 children now with plans to add hopefully 2 more. We got a great deal on a wonderful home in our dream neighborhood. So I am willing to keep the IT gig until I can figure out another option that makes me happy.

    5. Please understand that I wrote in looking for assistance not to get bashed or hear other people say, man you are lucky. I am VERY lucky, both my wife and I have a job, we love each other, we have 2 wonderful kids that are our world, and outside of the job, my life exactly what I would want it to be.

100. 100.
     Suzanne Says:
     October 19th, 2009 at 11:08 am

     Mike,

     I spent my entire 20’s and part of my 30’s preparing for a specific job. I didn’t choose it because I loved it - I chose it because other people told me I would be good at it, and because I really didn’t know what else to do. I even got an expensive graduate degree.

     4 years into my “dream job” I realized that I was miserable. It was not until that point that I sat down and looked at my talents, skills, and experience. I’m sure that some people can succeed by “gritting it out” but I couldn’t. High-paying jobs are competitive, and it’s very hard to get ahead of others whose talents match that field, and who love doing it. It’s really hard to fake passion for something you don’t love.

     So in 2003, I bit the bullet and changed careers. This time I found a career counselor who helped me to take a realistic look at what would truly fulfill me. With $50+k in debt from my MBA, I took a 40% pay cut and found my passion. I love my new job and life, and don’t regret it for a moment. I just had to scale back my spending (not easy) but well worthwhile. I’ll be paying off my last non-mortgage debt in 3 years.

     But I love my job and am much happier. Because I’m better at my job, I have more respect from my colleagues - and from myself. I feel secure in my career. Money can’t buy this kind of happiness.

     I say go for it! Just be thoughtful about a realistic new budget, and you’ll never look back!

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