Ask the Readers: What If Your High-Paying Job Makes You Miserable?
Published on - October 17th, 2009 (by J.D. Roth) On Thursday, I featured a guest post from Free Money Finance that proved to be surprisingly controversial. His five steps to six figures in seven years offered solid common-sense career advice for those looking to boost their incomes. Many readers disliked the post. (Though they didn’t hate it as much as FMF’s previous guest article.)
Though I don’t share all of your complaints, I do think some of you made an excellent point: Just as money is more about mind than it is about math, so too a rewarding career is more about personal fulfillment than it is about raking in big bucks. I agree that I’d rather work at a low-paying job that I loved than make $100,000 a year at a job I hated. I’d rather be happy than rich.
In response to FMF’s post on Thursday, Mike wrote to share his predicament. He’s hoping GRS readers can help him decide what to do:
I feel like I am at a crossroad in my career, and I truly don’t know what to do.
I am 31, married, and have two young children. My wife is well respected in her field and has a good salary; she likes what she’s doing, and has opportunities for advancement. We have a pretty hefty mortgage, but it is totally manageable with our current income stream. We also have a considerable monthly cost for day care. Overall, our financial situation is decent and improving.
Anyhow, those things aren’t the issue. The issue is me. I am in the IT field, but it is just not something I’m passionate about. My job pays well — $75,000 a year — but I am on call a lot and work a lot of hours that go un-noticed. I dread getting up and going into the office. My fear is that if I try to switch careers now, I won’t be making that much money. I’m not as happy as I used to be doing this type of work.
Part of my problem is that I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I really enjoy working with my hands, and I am very handy. I have remodeled homes (mine, my parents, and some friends) and I have done some commercial construction projects (in-laws used to own a property management company).
I am just looking for something that drives me right now. I can honestly say that I am not a good leader, almost like I need someone to be a mentor to me, as I have never really had that. I am willing to work hard, and I know I would have the support of my wife and family with whatever choice I make. I just can’t justify leaving a good paying job right now without having a clue as to what I want to do next.
I need some help.
Mike’s situation is far from unique. In fact, I get e-mails like this all the time. There are many people who feel trapped in jobs that they hate, but who cannot quit because of the financial implications. What’s the solution?
The first — and most difficult — step is to find out what it is you really want to do. What would make you happy? (And how can you be sure?) In researching my book, I’ve learned that meaningful work is one of the keys to personal fulfillment. Research shows that if you have a job that matches your personal values, you’re much more likely to be happy than if you’re doing something you find meaningless. But it can take a lot of soul-searching to determine what exactly “meaningful work” is for you.
I also think it’s important to reduce your lifestyle as much as possible in order to give yourself flexibility in your job search. The lower your expenses are, the more options you have. If your lifestyle costs $10,000 a month, your family needs to earn at least that much (more, after taxes) in order to maintain it. But if your lifestyle costs just $5,000 a month (or, better yet, $3,000 a month), you have a much wider range of career options.
In our e-mail discussion with Mike, FMF offered some good advice:
Is it really the IT field that you hate or something else? Maybe it’s the company you’re working at or the people you’re working with. Maybe it’s the aspect of IT you’re working in (for instance, you may hate database management but end up loving web security — or something else if you tried it.) Or maybe it’s the industry you’re in. Perhaps you’d be fulfilled as an IT consultant working on various projects for clients rather than trapped with one company doing the same thing over and over.
There are lots of factors to consider and I highly recommend you think about the various options before you ditch the career (and the valuable asset) you’ve built over the past several years.
I know that some people argue that a job isn’t something to be loved. Work is work and you should treat it as such. I don’t agree. I’ve had jobs I hated, and I’ve had jobs I loved. I believe it’s absolutely worth sacrificing income to find work that is meaningful and fulfilling.
But how much should you sacrifice? And how do you find this meaningful, fulfilling work? What steps should Mike take to change his situation so that he’s no longer miserable? And how does the current economy affect his options? If you were in Mike’s shoes, what would you do?
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I’m a bit late on the reply, but glad to see a follow-up article from last week’s FMF post.
A safer way to try out something different may be to do it part time while you are still working either full time or part time at your IT job. This might be a bit of a time zapper at first, but it involves less financial risk. You can work and take classes at a slower pace. My other half is 32 and doing just that at this moment.
Your handy skills reminded me of my own experience…
Last year I tried to turn my photo hobby into a profession while still working full time at a job that I love. I tried it because if I had succeeded as a photo pro, I could earn the same amount of income with less time doing something I love (so why not?) I had a business plan, promoted the business, etc. It took up every weekend and almost every week nights. I had a few gigs, some horrible and some great. But it also made me realize that I didn’t want to be a pro photographer.
Had I not tried it, I wouldn’t have known whether or not I would like the career change or not. So the bottom line is – give your dreams a try, but don’t ditch your current IT gig too soon.
Best of luck in pursuing your dreams!
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Far too many good comments to read them all now, but I will say there is absolutely nothing wrong with having A Job. It is not necessary (and may not be possible) to have A Career, where you’re self-directed and choosing your own path and passionate and fulfilled and raring to go and consumed by fascination for your work every day. I’m happy for the people who can manage that though!
My advice to Mike would be, check in with yourself *physically* to really gauge whether you hate your job. Are you depressed/anxious, insomniac (OR sleeping more than 9 hours a day), gaining/losing weight, having digestive problems, having headaches/backaches, having mood swings? Those are real physical symptoms that signal dangerous stress.
If you’re just kind of bored and fed up, then I’d say look outside the workplace for enjoyment/fulfillment, while taking steps to bring your financial affairs under control and doing a little gratitude practice for your home life and steady work. Good luck!
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I think the point about reducing your expenses is key. But not necessarily because it will help you look for another job. If you do reduce your expenses, it will help you save up money a lot faster and that can bring you to an early retirement… or paying off that debt completely a lot faster!
Then at that point you can choose something you really love without worrying as much (or at all) about the income.
That is… if you can hold out that long.
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Mike, I understand your situation because it is almost my exact situation. First of all, I can not believe the people that are bashing you saying that you should not be complaining. People get a life! That kind of crap makes me sick. Mike came here looking for advice and some of you people bash him saying that he should be thankful! That is the reason why some of you aren’t making a good salary – narrow minded!!!. What about the people that make $250,000 per year. Mike and I can say the same about them but we know that it takes hard work, intelligence and dedication to get positions like that.
Now that I have that off my chest, I would like to comment on what Mike has to say. I too am in an IT position making good money. I have to work all hours of the day and weekends – putting in 60+ hours a week. I have to constantly answer stupid questions that I have answered repeatedly to users. Once I liked my position, however my boss once asked me “Are you sure you want to be in IT?” I have been in this field for over 20 years and he says something like that to me! Anyway – since then I have acquired my MBA. I am looking for a way out too. Good luck to you Mike!!
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Many adults take years to find their “true calling”. I agree that Mike should start scaling back his finances to find out if the family could make do with less. Also, heavy childcare costs are only the first few years of life, so that should ease up in the future. Together with his wife they can work out a plan to take a possible pay cut.
My own husband worked for IBM, although his salary wasn’t as high as Mike’s. He went into the computer field because all of his friends were doing well in it, but he never liked it. Like Mike, he was on call and hated being on the road to fix issues for companies.
We decided together that he would pursue a new field — he went back to college at 37 to get a degree in physical education. Money was tight for a few years, but we had a plan. Now he is loving his job and feels he makes a difference in the lives of kids everyday.
What would Mike do if he lost his job tomorrow? Would it be the break he was looking for to make a change? If so, then he has his answer.
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I just have to add my 2 cents, I find it alarming that people would say “suck it up” “work is work not play”
Sorry but I do not buy this. I see too many people with this attitude that take it out on thier coworkers,family and themselves. I do not believe you have to be miserable and tolerate a place where you spen one third of your time.
The most successful people I know are doing something they love to do, and it is the only carear advice I would give my son, “do something you are passionate about something you want to be the best at” That does not matter if it is a waiter, a doctor or a writer do something you want to be the best at that you care about. Too many people hate their jobs and take it out on the people the deal with on a daily basis.
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I recently left a job where I didn’t enjoy the work but loved the people and the company itself. I have two small daughters and I want to be able to set an example for them that they can pursue careers that make them happy. They do not have to settle. I’m pursuing a dream I’m passionate about and yes it requires living on a very strict budget but I’ve never been happier. It does sound like you are in a great situation with lots of support and very comfortable financially. You just have to decide for yourself if a decade or two from now if you’ll be wondering “what if?” If you’re ok with that then there’s no real issue.
If there is no issue then I’d say look at your budget and find ways to squeeze in more time on hobbies and personal pursuits. It can be difficult with kids but involve them in and perhaps you can strike a balance.
Best of luck!
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