This is a guest post from Robert Brokamp of The Motley Fool. Robert is a Certified Financial Planner and the advisor for The Motley Fool’s Rule Your Retirement service. He contributes one new article to Get Rich Slowly every two weeks.
Every summer, my wife and I cull our closets for stuff we and our kids no longer use. This is followed by a yard sale (complete with the obligatory lemonade stand from our kids), and the items that aren’t sold get donated to a local thrift store that uses the proceeds for charity. In the end, we have more closet space, some extra cash, an entrepreneurial opportunity for our kids, and a tax deduction.
And a little bit of regret.
Many of the items that get sold or donated were gifts we purchased for our kids or each other. They were enjoyed for a short time — or, sometimes, not at all — then relegated to the Pile of Misfit Stuff. It’s like that Marla Singer line from the movie Fight Club:
Someone loved it intensely for one day, and then tossed it. Like a Christmas tree. So special. Then, bam, it’s on the side of the road.
Kinda depressing. And expensive.
I know: It just turned November — do we really need to start talking about the holidays already? Well, if you’d rather not, read the rest of this post with your eyes closed. But my wife and I are already planning, because this year we are trying to avoid spending money on gifts that only provide a onetime squib of joy.
We know that no gift will be enjoyed forever, and that part of the fun of the holidays is letting lose a little bit. Also, we’re a little surprised each year by which presents turn out to be the favorites, so just limiting the number of gifts makes us a little nervous. Maybe we’ll cut out the wrong ones!
Our solution is to make an extra effort to spend less on the presents we give, and to give presents that will survive next summer’s closet-culling. Here are some things we’ve learned through the years:
Give things that provide repeat pleasure
Obvious, I know. But it’s not so obvious when you’re shopping. Two Christmases ago, we bought our son a Spider-Man action figure that climbed on doors. It looked so cool! And it was pretty fun…for about five minutes. Compare that to the Roku box I bought my wife last year. It allows Netflix subscribers instant access to thousands of movies and TV shows (though not necessarily the recent blockbusters). We don’t have cable TV, so NetFlix is our main source of movies. By getting the Roku box, we cut our Netflix subscription down from three DVDs at a time to one, saving $8 a month, which paid for the box in less than a year. And we use it several times a week.
When it comes to kids, we’ve found that gifts with narrow uses get used the least. Conversely, gifts with multiple uses, in all sorts of places, and in all sorts of spaces, get the most action. The classic example is Legos, which my kids play with in their rooms, in the bathtub, in the car, and even use for homework projects. (In fact, the Legos I was given as a kid serve as the foundation of my kids’ Legos collection; that’s a gift that has retained its usefulness!) A slot-car racing set, on the other hand, requires set-up, takes up space, and the cars just go ‘round and ‘round and ‘round.
Get it used
We’ve already started prowling Craigslist for things our friends and family might want. If items on your “To Buy” list are suitable to be given pre-owned, now’s the time keep an eye on the classifieds and (if you have an open-ended “To Buy” list) sites like Freecycle.org.
Buy year-round
This is something my wife does very well. She buys potential presents at all times of the year, when she finds them at excellent prices, and keeps them in the “gift box” in our basement. It’s also handy to have when you’re invited to a birthday party and don’t have time to get a gift.
Give experiences over stuff
This may seem to contradict our goal of buying things that last, but you know what they say about memories and all that. For my mother’s 70th birthday, my sisters and I took her on a trip. It wasn’t exactly cheap, but she valued it more than anything I could have wrapped. Plus, some experiences really can be the gifts that keep on giving, such as art, photography, or cooking classes (complete with providing babysitting services, if required for the recipient to attend the classes).
Buy in bulk
Sierra Black recently wrote about the pitfalls of buying in bulk, and I agree. But if there’s ever a time to save by buying a lot of stuff, it’s the holidays. It works for gifts, and for food if you’ll be entertaining or hosting relatives. As an experiment a couple of years ago, I looked at how much I’d save by shopping at Costco compared with my regular grocery store. I bought nearly identical items at both places and spent 37% less at Costco.
Underwear!
One holiday season, I bought pairs of white underwear in bulk, decorated them in ways not appropriate to discuss on a family blog, and gave them to my friends. I assume they were gifts that got multiple uses, though I didn’t perform any random spot-checks. The point, of course, is that homemade gifts really can be the most memorable…and least-expensive.
Be honest about what you don’t want
I have a very spotty record when it comes to buying things for my wife. In the past, she was too nice to tell me when she didn’t really like something I bought her. So it stayed in our closet until the next summer, and then…well, you know. Now, I keep all receipts, and she’s much more comfortable returning items that I gave her. (And I’ve been better about getting her friend’s help at holiday time.)
J.D.’s note: Robert may be worried that it’s too early to write about Christmas, but if Google traffic to this site is any indication, the Christmas season started weeks ago. Last year’s article on homemade Christmas gifts has been on fire!
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Our son gave used movies and dvds for a couple of years when he had next to no money. Nobody was upset. They were just pleased to be thought of. I steer him toward inexpensive things for me-last year a used hardback copy of Asimov’s Foundation trilogy. His only income comes from workstudy at college and really does not go very far.One of my favorite birthday presents from my husband was a never emptying box of chocolate cherries. That lasted over a month of his sneaking in new boxes as I was finishing the old one.
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J.D., that picture is hilarious!
Gift giving is really a pain, actually. My older brother lives in a group home (so needs nothing), my younger brother is in Afghanistan (so needs nothing), my sister works hard and makes money and spends it on herself as needed (so needs nothing), my dad is about to retire but doesn’t have hobbies (so needs nothing) and my mom is super picky and doesn’t want Stuff.
I try to give meaningful things, but it sure is hard. I make a calendar out of my photos every year, and that’s the full extent of my ideas so far. We have some nice activity-based traditions (my siblings and I cook an elaborate Christmas Eve meal) but we don’t live near each other, so it’s hard to do the experience-based gifts. Stupid holidays.
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Christmas has only turned into a ploy for retailers to make more money. It’s a consumer holiday. I think maybe the best Christmas would be for everyone to ride out to a tree farm and chop down a tree. All come home and decorate it together while listening to classic Christmas songs with the fire going, all while the best cooks are making delectable dishes and treats in the kitchen. Everyone can secretly pick a name from a hat for gift giving, and they have to get a simple gift that shares a bond between the giver and receiver.
A simple, inexpensive Christmas that revolves around the joys of family and friends.. perfect.
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I’m also huge on giving “experiences” over material things.
For this year and all the years after, I have decided that the only thing that I will be putting on my wishlist is that people make a loan through a site like Kiva.org. It will be the gift that keeps on giving. Since people will most likely get their loans back, they will probably re-loan that and will be able to help another person.
Everyone wins! They will get the joy in giving to someone who is really in need, and I get the satisfaction in facilitating that experience. And hopefully they join my Kiva team as well.
I can’t wait for this Christmas! Especially since, I have been correcting my financial wrongs and have been budgeting for Christmas expenses this entire year. So I won’t have to resort to credit cards as I’ve done in the past. To say the least, communities like this one have played a major role in my financial turnaround. So thanks J.D. and everyone on here!
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One thing I didn’t see mentioned are gift certificates for services at local shops. Body massages, lawn mowing, local bakery, etc. It keeps your money in the local economy, they’re enjoyed, and they don’t take up space and create regret in the back of a closet. Plus, they’re eco-friendly.
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I think Christmas should be about giving, but only if you want to. If you’re a scrooge I don’t care. Feel free to not get me a present, OK? Just keep your scrooginess to yourself so I can enjoy giving gifts to everyone else!
People who ask for specific things are really annoying. If you need/want it that badly, you should buy it for yourself. I’m not your Mom and I’m not going to buy you underwear!
The ideal gift IMO is something the person would like but probably wouldn’t locate/buy for themselves.
I like to give gourmet foods, tickets to events like plays or concerts, cool ethnic jewelry/clothes/art that may be inexpensive but are likely hard to find everywhere.
Don’t try to buy someone something if it’s a kind of thing you don’t usually buy/don’t know anything about. For example, don’t try to surprise a techie with a gadget (it will be the wrong one), don’t try to buy something a fashionista would like if you aren’t one (she’ll hate it), and don’t try to buy literature as a present unless you actually read books and have similar tastes (please, no more copies of the “DaVinci Code”!).
And please don’t make home made gifts for people unless you are a professional artist/musician/etc. Food is the exception here.
Finally, giving home-made decorated underwear as a gift? triple ugh ugh ugh!!!!!! I can’t imagine anyone would actually want/like/wear that. I’d throw it away the second I could, and I’d avoid you in the future. Major creepy fail!
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Chopping down trees is another Christmas tradition we need to lose! It’s bad for the earth just like all the excess crapola under it puts a burden of waste on the earth.
I encourage everybody to celebrate with live decorations — something that can live on for months or be replanted.
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@42 Jo: I think we get caught up on the PRICE of the gift. There have been years where the value of the gifts we exchanged with friends was dramatically different, but that was because of our individual financial situations at the time. It wasn’t awkward and it didn’t matter. We were friends and it was the thought put into the gifts that counted.
I think we have become TOO focused on the monetary value of the gifts we give rather than the meaning behind them. I haven’t spent more than $20 on my dad in years. My dad needs nothing and it has become our joke as to what kind of crazy-off-the-wall tool I can find to give him. Last year I spent $3.95 and it was his favorite so far. My cousin and I used to have a game as to who could find the most off the wall socks to give my grandfather. Again, only a few dollars and he loved how much we would try to out do each other. And he wore them all the time to show off to his buddies his crazy granddaughters. Now that he has passed, I miss the adventure of finding the socks.
It is the gifts we give with the thought behind them that are the best. If we give something we think someone is going to love and they don’t, then they are the one who missed out. Not us.
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A few things–first, with retailers the way they are these days, I doubt it is EVER too early to start writing about Christmas.
Second, I usually just go the route of gift cards, unless its for a “new” gift in my life. My family members are just fine with it–that way THEY can buy what they want–and take advantage of after Christmas sales in january. Also, its a month where nobody has any money anyways. I think it works out great all around.
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When I was a kid we had next-door neighbors with two sons. Each Christmas their sons received three gifts, because Jesus Christ received three gifts from the Wise Men. If He didn’t need any more, then their sons didn’t need any more. I thought that their logic made a lot of sense, and we are going to try it with our two children this year. I’m hoping it will help us stay focused on the true meaning of Christmas and keep our gift-giving from getting out of control.
Also, I come from a family with five children and three of us are married. We’ve picked names in the past, but this year we are trying something new. We are all giving gifts to each other (including my parents), but the gifts must be gifts of service or self-improvement. Now, we don’t do the service or self-improvement for the individual but in honor of the individual.
For example, my grandmother lives close to me and my husband, but very far away from all of her children. So, as our gift to my mom, my husband and I make Sunday dinner each week, bring it over to her house and eat and visit with her. My mom doesn’t know about the gift yet, but on Christmas morning, she will have a letter under the tree explaining it and then a little note about what we love about her.
Luckily, everyone in the family was on board with this idea. I’m interested to see how it will turn out. I’ve got to say, I’ve really loved coming up with ideas and doing things in honor of those I love. I’m hoping it will end up being really special for all of us.
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My middle daughter was able to get the best presents for her grandfather in his last years. She picked out the loudest tackiest shirts she could find. He loved them!
She actually has excellent taste. She just looked for shirts that would amuse him.
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After reading some of the posts, since I posted (#5) I’ll let you know that 10 years ago I bought holiday gifts for my Mom, Dad, Brother, his Wife, their kids, my Best Friends (4 of them), Gram and Grandpa, Aunt/Uncle, and particpated in a holiday gift exchange with my sorority sisters etc., etc., etc.
Getting down to just a few gifts and/or gifts just for kids was a slow process. It started with my brother and his wife, then with my parents, etc. We got to the point that the adults realized that gift giving at Christmas was becoming an obligation of exchanging stuff adn that was not what the holidays were about. My husband and I used to give each other lots of holiday gifts too, but them we came to the conclusion that (1) we hate debt and (2) we’d rather put that money into travel/vacation. I even got my sorotity sister to give up the $100 limit gift exchange in favor of a $20 limit yankee swap that we have way more fun with.
I still love to give gifts, but now I limit myself to the perfect gift, meaning if I see something that I know would be PERFECT for a family member or friend I’ll buy it and give it, most of the time I just give at the time of purchase but sometimes I’ll save it for birthday or holiday time.
And most important to us, we set a budget, we enjoy our holidays and we don’t go into debt or use credit to fund Christmas.
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I just love yardsales where the seller still has unopened toys with pieces of Christmas wrapping paper still attached.
Or items that still have wedding cards tucked inside the box.
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Just thinking about Christmas stresses me out! This is the time of year I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off. This year I am trying to be more prepared. The girls and I already made fig and peach jams to give; and we make salted chocolate pecan toffee to give to all the various teachers, but that and other fresh gifts have to be made at the delivery time. It can be fun, but it’s also a lot of work and prep.
My mother is totally into gift giving — I mean way over the top. Last year I was sick just looking at all the gift wrap waste after hours of opening. I really do not care about receiving gifts very much. I would rather spend time with people or even better have some of my family help out (don’t hold my breath) or do a little something with the girls as a gift — but that is not their way. I mean take up with my mom and sister (who I think would appreciate less gift stress) that maybe we could approach this year a little differently.
Last year I had the girls each choose an affordable gift donation from the Heifer catalog — they each chose chicks and we received a printed card explaining the donation and then I had the girls make little chick ornaments from felt to go along with the donation card; I think my mother was surprised but she didn’t say anything negative.
Our biggest Christmas mistake is Santa; as a daughter of my mother I unwittingly approached Santa the same way she did — My advice to those who do not have children yet, but may, is to think very carefully how you want to approach this because you are going to have to follow through for years to come or ‘fess up (of course, you could be straight about Santa from the beginning — which my husband would never allow, I think he is still hoping Santa is real.) We have been reading the “Little House on the Prairie” series and Santa sure has upgraded since giving a stick of candy and some mittens, let me tell you.
For Jo #42 — you just got to be straight with your family about budget constraints — don’t need to go into details and do not feel bad — one year we were struggling so much (I shudder to look back) that I had absolutely no money for gifts — Two days before Christmas I used leftover material I had to sew little makeup bags for my mom and sister, and a glasses case for my mother’s significant other. I remember feeling ashamed at the time, but I really shouldn’t have because I did the best I could.
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My parents always did all there Christmas shopping by November. Of course, that means we had to make lists early on. But that also meant we didn’t order “cool stuff” from catalogs or commercials that we never actually used (like the Spiderman figure mentionned in the article).
I always try to make gifts myself, be it for Christmas or birthdays. If I can’t, I try to give something that has significance. For instance, I found a children’s book that was one of my husband’s favourite as a kid and gave it to him. He was thrilled!
In both cases (do-it-yourself and presents with a meaning), the gifts are more personal. Which means they typically have more value for a similar price (although gifts with a meaning can be the most expensive too if they’re collector’s items).
Of course, it means you have to know the person. You can’t just get them a gift certificate or money and let them chose themselves. But I find it is really rewarding for both parties.
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I don’t like being suprised and then have to pretend that I like the gift. I buy a gift for me, wrap it and say it is from my wife. Also, some gifts come early. My dad’s computer broke so I bought him a new one and said that it was a gift from all four of his kids for christmas, even though two are out of work and not expected to chip in on it.
As far as the decorated underwear hope it was a gig gift. I gave a great gag gift.Perhaps JD should give tp to his fellow financial bloggers this year. I gave my sister the dvd “Bound” wrapped in a pair of tighty whities (new) because she and her girlfriend were always assumed to be a couple since they hung out so much with each other.
Usually I sell things on ebay and buy other things to keep the cash flow down to a minimum. Sold a seiko moon phase watch and only had to fork out 14 bucks more for a citizen eco drive, hopefully the last watch I will buy because of the solar recharging battery.
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Reading some of these comments puts me in mind of Sister Bertha-better-than-you. Where is Ray Stevens when you need him?
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busymom – a long time ago, I had a boss with 3 kids who told me “I don’t want my kids to believe in Santa because if I’m not able to get them gifts some year, I don’t want them to think it’s because they were bad.” That has really stuck with me.
So we don’t do the Santa thing, and my son’s cousins don’t do the Santa thing because their mom feels it’s not Christ-centered enough. We carefully explained the reasoning to Grandma from our two different perspectives and…
She bought the kids books about Santa, labeled presents as from Santa, showed the kids Santa tracking on the Weather Channel. In other words, she completely ignored our wishes.
We don’t want to have the kid who spoils Santa for everybody else so we haven’t flat out told him the truth. I think it’s really unfair that she feels she can indoctrinate him and we can’t really fight back while respecting other people’s parenting, but there you are.
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Rosa – I think some people just love creating magic — my husband is totally into the Santa thing (even though I do all the shopping – go figure) because he loves the magic of it– to be fair to him though, our seven year old is asking for S’mores (the plush horse kids can sit on); normally I would completely redirect her choice to a more affordable direction, but my husband searched on Craigslist and found one that was at a much better price — and I would have vetoed that, but it is really important to him to create that magical feeling which is only during a short period of a kids life. That may be what is driving Grandma — her desire to create a little magic. It’s a bummer it’s against your wishes, though — such is the complexity of family life!
I don’t think you ever have to tell your kid the truth about Santa; they’ll figure it out for themselves. For the last several years my eleven year old has been all over me about whether Santa is real. She has friends who are Jewish and they told her that Santa isn’t real; I asked her what she thought. She has to decide for herself based what she thinks and sees. She still wants to believe in Santa, though, even as she suspects that it’s mom and dad. My husband acts with the kids as if Santa is totally real ( I usually crack a little when she questions me) — they’ll just think he’s wacky when they get older.
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My husband and I have announced to our siblings/parents that only children will be getting presents this year–and our teenage daughters don’t count. (the girls happen to agree, as they know they will be getting stuff from us)
That said, we will send our families, at the last minute, gift certificates so they can all eat out together.
I tend to go overboard on small presents. We celebrate St. Nick’s day at the beginning of the month and we also celebrate Santa Claus (I wasn’t allowed to celebrate growing up…it’s something I wanted once I grew up. It’s not the stuff as much as the idea so be careful what you’re taking away from your child when you announce NO SANTA. Most kids get the concept.)
One year I made sure there was a small present every day before Christmas (sometimes just something we needed, like hair accessories, but it was the idea of having a present)
What I want, I buy. I’m really hard to get a present for. Your company, a good meal with friends, that is what I want from others.
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Last year my siblings and I decided not to do adult gifts any longer and to only purchase children’s gifts for our godchildren. That meant that instead of two couples and 7 children, I now only do 2 gifts. When I first brought up the idea to my family, I was worried that they would be disappointed. Instead everyone heaved a huge sigh of relief.
My husband and I don’t have children. For ourselves, we spend more on decorations and food because we can enjoy that for several weeks leading up to the holiday. And we host a holiday party with a white elephant gift exchange for friends that is a big hit every year. We probably spend about $300 on the party. We do stockings and spend about $100 on each of those. We try to make those really fun to open. The only gift under the tree is something home-made. It’s more effort to make but so much more of a treasure to open up.
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Advice for Jo #42:
1. Forward the link to this post! lol
2. After explaining your perspective, if you don’t think you’ll hurt people’s feelings, ask if they have receipts and offer to return the gifts that they have purchased for you.
3. If they still want to exchange, make banana-nut bread, cookies, pies, fudge, candy, something diff. for each and present it in an inexpensive tin or basket. These are the gifts I wish for each year and NEVER receive!
4. Another idea, suggest a gift-per-person polyanna where all are involved including grandparents, aunts, uncles, grandchildren. Have each person list three things they would like under $30 (or whatever amount); they can be as specific or as general as they like w/the list. Buy one of those things on your polyanna’s list.
5. Lastly, you might be surprised by how many of your family members jump at the chance to do a kids-only gift exchange (try to remind gift givers to limit the gift expense to $15 or something reasonable. That forces the giver to get creative and /or personal).
Materialism isn’t what we’re meant to celebrate at Christmas. There’s so much to be thankful for that doesn’t come w/a price tag.
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Holly (72), we’re doing a form of your suggestions 4 & 5 in my extended family. We’re all buying gifts for the kids in the family, but we’re going with a one to one gift exchange for each of the adults. You’ll get one gift, you’ll give one gift. That saves hundreds of dollars, especially with the family growing with the newly marrieds. Buying a gift for everyone is prohibitive.
Christmas is as joyous as ever, but we’re spending less. (That helps with the joy as well–Christmas shouldn’t be all about gifts and money)
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Tsh over at Simple Mom (www.simplemom.net) had a great idea for Christmas gifts the other day: Wear, Read, Want, Need. Four gifts for each person (or less if you’d like) one in each category. I think it is a fantastic idea, especially with kids.
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Kevin (# 73)…Sounds like a great plan; My husband’s family is so large that we skip the adult gifts (except grandparents) and all of the kids (there are 23 grandkids on just his side) do a give-one, get-one polyanna w/their cousins. Works out very well.
I liked the idea someone mentioned (sorry, I forget who; if it was the writer, Robert, I apologize): 3 gifts for each of my children since 3 is the # of gifts brought to the baby Jesus; now I have to decide if I would rather do the wear, read, want, need (zarg, #74) idea…great idea! I know my girls will want wear, wear, wear, and wear! lol
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This year my fiance and I are trying to cut back as well on what we spend come Christmas- we know that it is about a gift for someone to use, and have decided to do a homemade food basket for most everyone on our list of 20 (immediate family, friends, and coworker/clients ). There are a certain few that are ‘closer’ to us than others that we are planning on getting something else for, but for the most part, giving something you know they will appreciate and use is the most important part for us, esp. if someone we know is going through a tough time or is pressed financially, we can try to help them with food-based gifts like the such, which is always a welcome thing to see, instead of something that might just be a ‘gadget’ for ‘to give them a gift’, instead of really ‘GIVING someone a gift you know they will appreciate/treasure/enjoy,etc.’
I mean, my fiance and I do not have a lot of money by far, but we do what we can to those who we feel we should.
Good to read that others do and feel the same or similarly.
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Are you taking bids on those statues? Because I so want to buy them for my shopaholic sister! And we’re Dutch!
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In all the gift articles I’ve ever read and posted on my blog, I’ve never once read Robert’s tip that the item be able to be used in multiple spaces eg Lego. So obvious, but true. Women tend to prefer gifts that say something about their relationship, but men like items that “do” something – even if it’s to please their wife. A survey I’ve just done found 78% of people will spend over $75 on each gift for each child this year so if it’s not a keeper, eeek, it could go on that yard sale table!
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Jewelry should grow not only in monetary terms, but aesthetic appeal too. Buying faux jewelry is just a waste of money. You should consider buying 925 silver if gold is too expensive. Fusion jewellery not only looks good, but its value grows over time.
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