Your friends and family influence you. They affect the way you view life. If your friends are frugal, it’s easier to be frugal yourself. But if they’re wrapped up in consumerism and materialism, and can be difficult to resist the urge to join them. It’s only natural to want to fit in.
Rob wrote yesterday to ask how to handle a situation where he wants to lead a simple life, but those around him aren’t supportive. How can he cope with peer pressure? Here’s his story:
Since we try to live frugally, we don’t have a television or video games or any other electronic toys in our house. We try to spend time as a family, talk to each other, read books, try to help my wife in cooking etc.
My colleagues at work tell me that I live a miserable life, and I don’t give my family “materialistic life pleasures”. Those sort of words hurt me a lot. We don’t have a TV at our house and my colleague makes fun of this thing all the time.
How should I respond to people like this? Should I even pay attention to them? I don’t want to spoil my relationships at work. I’ll bet a lot of your readers experience the same thing. What are your thoughts?
It can be tough when you’re trying to save, trying to focus on the simple things, and everyone else around you seems to value Stuff. But materialism doesn’t lead to happiness. Though having money might increase your happiness, wanting money (and things it can buy) almost certainly will not. “Indeed, not only does materialism not bring happiness,” writes Sonja Lyubormirsky in The How of Happiness, “but it’s been shown to be strong predictor of unhappiness.”
Rob needs to ask himself some questions: “Am I happy? Is my family happy?” If he can answer yes to both of these, then what does he care what other people think? If he continues to struggle, he should remind himself of a few ways to cope with peer pressure:
- Trust your instincts. If you’re sure of your choices and the reasoning behind them, say so. When you get pressure, explain that you’re happy just the way you are. Be confident. Be proud to be a non-conformist.
- Laugh it off. When your friends and family get on your case, make a joke and move on. Don’t let their opinions rattle you.
- Find other friends. This isn’t always possible (or desirable). Rob may be stuck with his co-workers eight hours a day. But if your friends are pressuring you into a lifestyle you don’t want, hang out with other friends. True friends support each other; they don’t tear each other down.
To live happily as a non-conformist in a world filled with peer pressure, you have to learn to ignore everybody. Do what you believe is right, and to hell with what other people think.
To me, Rob’s life doesn’t sound miserable. It sounds idyllic. It’s the sort of thing Kris and I aspire to: spending time together, talking and reading. I’m proud of what he’s doing.
Do you have financial trolls in your life? How do you handle them? How do you cope with peer pressure?
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TV is definitely a loss of time. We don’t have one either and we never feel to miss something. Time spent in front of a TV is time gone forever. It’s such an unproductive (in-)activity to watch TV. So it is very wise not to have one.
Keep up your frugal lifestyle.
I don’t talk about money with other people than my family. Opinions differ to much and everybody has to do what’s best for him.
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I have a co-worker that bought an iphone a month or two ago. He seems to take great delight in showing it off and even saying “You want one don’t you?” and other taunting things. I have an itouch I bought for myself for xmas, it does what I want. I also have a cell phone, I pay $60 a year for service (grandfathered in plan with Virgin Mobile). Two other co-workers have also joined in and picked up iphones. This seems to just give more ammo to the original co-worker “See, everyone else has one, you want one, don’t you?”
Want? Yes. Need? Nope. I spend a year what they spent a month on a cell phone. I almost never use my phone, it is there for emergencies and when I travel. Why would I spend that much a month on something that does the same as something I already have and wouldn’t use enough to justify the monthly cost? Add into the mix a chance for work to go away next year, no way would I commit to a two year contract or anything else that would cost me money that I couldn’t get out of if the situation changed.
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We don’t have TV either. (We have a TV, but no TV as such–it’s basically just a screen for viewing DVDs.) And I’m sure you’ll see numerous other people here in the comments in a similar position.
My advice: Work to find other people whose values more closely match your own, and work to add them to your social circle. Once you have enough people reinforcing your choices, the ones disagreeing with them won’t bother you.
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Why does the opinion of your co-workers on your personal life matter? You’re happy living how you are.
I’m a frugal guy, and I drive a Corolla when I can afford a Mustang. I don’t because I don’t need it. Whenever it comes up, I just spin the conversation around and ask them how much they blow in insurance and gas alone, not counting the car payment. If they push more, we start going into their savings, if it exists. By this time, they suddenly remember an important “phone call” they need to make. They like to push about the coolest toys, but are very uncomfortable talking salary/finances.
Basically, change the subject into something you know they’re going to be uncomfortable about.
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I love posts like this! Our society has made us believe that having debt and buying things we cannot afford is normal. The mere fact that we live simple lives, save money and desire financial freedom is often seen as weird. I too have been laughed at, and so have my children. As a single mom of three we live a very simple life. We have two TVs and one that is so old it still has the vertical knobs. The other is a 13 inch TV with no cable. We rarely watch TV, because we are spending time together, eating dinner together and reading together.
The way, I deal with financial trolls is simple. Become even more educated in what you do, leave financial magazines & books on your desk at work and inform and educate them about how to achieve real wealth. Also refuse to allow others to take up space in your mind and your time. More importantly, see the vision of where you were going and allow them to help you get there faster. One of the things that I say every single day when I walk into work, is I am another day closer to being debt free.
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This is a great question and line of discussion… people tend to flock together not simply because of shared interests but also for reasons of shared tolerances. Obese people rarely hand out with muscle-heads or marathon runners. Their interests and toleraces are not aligned.
I think the same principles apply to our finances. A little ribbing amongst friends is not what I’m talking about, but those filled with rationalizations for mountains of consumer debt are not likely good fits for those trying to manage a goal oriented budget.
Good stuff JD
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A coworker recently saw me in my car, knocked on my window, and said, “You’re too young to drive a car like that!” (I’m 26.) I told her that I was too young to be in debt and drove away. That response seemed to do the trick!
When I get frustrated by the comments, I remember the amount of student loan debt that I have been able to pay off. I also remember the downpayment I was able to make on my modest home. And, I dream about the car I’ll buy (w/ cash) in 2015 when I am DEBT FREE!
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I don’t have a cell phone. People are shocked that I do not have one and I catch flack for my lack of one quite a bit.
I use the ‘laugh it off’ method, e.g., ‘Why would I want a cell? Then people could find me anytime!” etc.
If it is a friend who seems worried (for safety reasons or somesuch) I explain in a bit more detail about how I don’t want the cost of the phone, don’t like the electronic leash concept, etc. etc.
Both methods work to some extent. My friends accept my lack of a cell phone as another one of my odd ways (no TV, old cars, tiny house packed with books and tools, no pets, etc.) and the joking normally works for the casual encounter.
Besides, almost everyone has a cell so normally if one is needed someone can produce one.
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Sometimes I face peer pressure about that sort of things… and I prefer to laugh at it. They are happy talking endlessly about their expensive new computer?, I start joking about how much they paid to do the same things their old computer already did. They are bragging about their new TV?, just ask them if they use it to see the same dumb shows.
If you are confident about your lifestyle, you shouldn’t be trying to justify it to others: they don’t want to understand it. So, instead make them justify their lifestyle: often, they live in that way not because they want to, but because they were forced to. But remember Oscar Wilde: ‘if you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you’.
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Reminds me of the time a co-worker told me I was being close-minded and unwilling to make sacrifices for my daughter.
The reason? I said I’d probably never bring my family to Disney World. She simply couldn’t wrap her mind around the idea that kids could enjoy going other places, and felt that I would be denying my daughter an “important experience.”
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It seems to me that these conversations on personal finance blogs always turn into a needs vs. wants conversation. I have many things that I wanted and have not needed and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some people can afford wants and buy wants, some people buy wants they can’t afford and others can afford wants and choose not to buy them. This topic isn’t really about frugal living or excess living, but about people who make themselves feel better by devaluing others. Simple answer to this question is avoid those who like to devalue others for whatever reason they find in their minds to justify doing so.
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Ditto to all this. We shut off our satellite and gave our TV away years ago. Before very long, we realized that neither of us wanted nearly as much stuff as we once had. Rob’s co-workers are buying the hype, and their TV-advertising habits just feed the hysteria. We still watch what we want, but on Hulu or on-demand with the minimum Netflix subscription. Or we actually wait for the DVD to be released. Sometimes we read books in the evening, or read to each other.
Because we “live big, spend small,” our finances weren’t devastated when I was laid off, nor were they crushed when, three years previously, I had decided to work only part-time. Now, we are both in a position to try something completely new with our lives – live a dream – because we didn’t need expensive toys or an oversized house.
I think the hardest part may be the low blows about “depriving” the family; it would be for me. Plus, kids always think they’ll be happier if they can watch all the TV their eyes can suck in. SO not true. Rob should keep in mind that his kids will remember the time they all spent together. They will grow to be people who know how to be with other people in a satisfying way. They will have social skills. They will learn to be happy people, and that’s just not something you can buy for a kid.
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The coworkers may be jealous. Maybe, somewhere in the back of their mind, they’ve dreamed of living more simply but haven’t had the courage or family support to pull the trigger. I was like this about eating meat…when I met a vegetarian, I always felt like *I* was being judged or something since I felt guilty/uncomfortable with my own habits (though I would never say anything rude or snarky to them!).
Whatever the cause, I would pity them and whatever’s going on in their lives that makes them so sour and unable to be open-minded. They must go through life very frustrated that not everyone makes the choices they do.
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AC has a good point – many people (usually wrongly) feel “judged” when they come into contact with someone who is defying societal norms.
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I’m of the same mentality as many here. We have the Device but no Programming. We’ve lived this way for +7 years now. The savings in $ and time allowed me to pursue other hobbies.
It really does come down to education. And some of those people really don’t want to be educated. I really like the idea of changing the subject to financial matters. I find the same reactions as Steven. But don’t be snide about it, be open and helpful. You’ll find a few that really do want to learn. If you help even that one person it’s worth it and hopefully we can start to change this Social Mentality one person at a time.
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I think anyone who has self control over spending in some area of their life will hear criticism of a person who does not. If it’s not electronics, it’ll be about something else. The list is endless.
Consider it a compliment. You’re doing something most people don’t think they’re capable of.
Regarding kids, I read that the 3 things kids remember from childhood are: family vacations, time outdoors, and meals/cooking with parents. So, yes, I’ll spend money on a canoe or a vacation before I buy a new car, bedroom set or video game.
And Foxii II is right on. We are stingy in some areas, but not in others. I still consider myself frugal because any expense extravagent or frugal is paid in cash not with debt.
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I think the best way to handle this kind of stuff is just to be good natured about it and say “it works for me.” Trying to lecture about the joys of frugality and the evils of television will ultimately feed the fire.
There may be co-workers who will approach you to find out more about the choices you make and what the advantages are, and you can engage them at that time.
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… more time for sex = Reply win. Awesome response.
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Kristen’s method bears repeating… I thought this was a great technique! Here’s an excerpt from post #6 above:
A coworker recently saw me in my car, knocked on my window, and said, “You’re too young to drive a car like that!” (I’m 26.) I told her that I was too young to be in debt and drove away. That response seemed to do the trick!
Hahhahhaaaaa! Alot of great tips on this board.
Parents are often trolls… my mother is a lovely woman, but often clueless about real world frugal decisions … here’s an example: DH and I had just replaced the leaky, 25 yr old fridge with a new, scratch-and-dent (barely visible), Energy-Star fridge/freezer. Stainless steel front, black sides. Her comment was that we could buy stainless steel PANELs for the sides; my response was that we were happy with it as it was, but if she wanted to buy stainless steel panels for us and have them installed, she should knock herself out. Or something to that effect, tho’ more tactfully. Got a laugh out of all family members present. And, d’you know what? I think she “got it”, for a moment. Gotta love ‘em…
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People like that make me sick. Ugh.
I completely agree with the comments above – I’m guessing most people who give others a hard time because of a certain life choice (like living frugally) feel threatened, because maybe deep down they’re wondering if they’re the fools for being pawns of a consumerist and TV-based culture.
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great topic JD. On the specific topic of a tv, it can be such a drain – sure it’s fun to mindlessly flip channels sometimes – or I love to find a movie on. But, it can be addictive and waste precious time.
On the peer pressure side – I find that my wife and I come at this from different angles, and it seems to be harder for her to (quoting Dave Ramsey) “live like no one else”. But, we are learning and being candid with each other and our spending habits and being honest in tracking and saving has been a huge help. Can’t let peer pressure blind you from seeing your financial situation for what it really is.
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In the last year or so I’ve really had to watch myself for not judging her either. It’s a little too easy to disdain her excessive lifestyle to make myself feel better about my frugal one. I think we both fear each other’s judgment — and once I realized that things have been better.
How do I deal with trolls? I’m honest about my goals — namely saving for a house, building an emergency fund and funding retirement. Thanks to the downturned economy, people are more understanding these days.
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DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU!!! YOU are the only one who takes care of YOUR family and it doesn’t matter what OTHER people’s opinions are about you and your situation because ultimately you are living YOUR life and they are living THEIRS.
One way to quiet the masses is by asking them if they would like to make a contribution to your household (by buying the crap or paying for a service), if they say no, politely tell them to mind THEIR business and keep all opinions to themselves. Remember…jealousy and misery loves company!!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE AND LET OTHERS LIVE THEIRS!!!!
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“…because we didn’t need expensive toys or an oversized house.” Roxanne, #9
Well, nobody needs them, it’s what some people want. And I don’t see why those people, who want something and can afford it, get thrown in the same pile sometimes as those who want it and can’t afford it. Is there something wrong for being inherently human and wanting to have things you enjoy? Sometimes that’s the way it seems to me.
Also, some frugal-minded people can be just as hard on someone who chooses to spend money, on a WANT. *Gasp!* No matter how many coupons you clip or dollars you save, some people find it horrible that you could ever succumb to materialistic possessions. Or at least that’s how it feels sometimes. (Or it’s always assumed that you had to go into debt for it, couldn’t afford it, etc etc)
Just sayin’, neither side is perfect. Thankfully, this is one of the few money blogs that doesn’t seem to give off that vibe.
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I may be in a different corner then the previous posters. I do have tv and a monthly cable bill – but I have it because it is something I use as I love to watch sports. I realize to some people athletic events aren’t exactly an academic event, but there is more to it then a lot of people know – and more websites analzying sports using statistical analysis by the day – something I’m also very into.
But that doesn’t mean I think everyone should automatically have a nice tv with cable, or an iPhone. People should spend smartly on things that make them happy…if something isn’t for them, there is no reason spend it.
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I love the clever responses in #6 and #14!
I have run into different forms of peer pressure three times in the past two weeks, and in one case, I’m sore tempted to cave.
The first case came up at a marketing seminar I attended. One of the speakers was talking about how you can make use of augmented reality, which means that if you have a fancy cell phone, you can get an app that will allow you to point your phone at things, as if you were taking a picture, and little messages will pop up. The thing is, while I do have a cell phone, it is an old, basic prepaid phone. I can’t take pictures or download apps. As I sat there, I wondered why I am in this business. (I market for a nonprofit and don’t feel guilty at all about what I’m selling, but I felt odd about the idea of using a tool that I myself can’t use and that takes advantage of technology people don’t need.)
Then I attended a school cookout with my daughter. We were supposed to bring roasting sticks, but I don’t own any. Honestly, I did not know roasting sticks were a requirement for life. I grabbed a stick off the ground for our hot dogs and marshmallows, but my daughter refused to use it, because everybody (this is no exaggeration… truly, everybody… there had a long metal roasting stick they were using). Somebody ended up loaning us a roasting stick, but it made me think: “They can’t be that expensive. Maybe I’d better buy some next summer!” (See. Peer pressure can be hard to resist!)
Finally, I was chatting with another parent at the same event and mentioned that one of the attractions of my mom’s house for my daughter is that my mom has cable, and we don’t. He was amazed and asked what my kid did for entertainment! The good thing is that I may have provided some positive peer pressure for him, though I have to say, it is probably harder to give up cable than to never have it in the first place, so I don’t know that my conversation with him will cause him to go home and cancel his subscription!
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I love my TV. I DVR everything so I can skip the commercials. I get the whole ridicule thing that was being talked about, but I get it with my vacations to Disney World (why are you going again) This is the one splurge we do each year, we do without on many “things” like eating out, buying mindless crap and such. We make use of items until the finally need replacing! It is fun to see how much we can save, Just not eating dinner out once a week pays for our yearly vacation. So I kind of know what you are going through.
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I’d approach this from the same standpoint that Colin Beavan (aka No Impact Man) often espouses. By living more consiously and deliberately, by spending time with your family and friends rather than fictional ones on TV, we can be healthier, happier, more financially secure, and yes, have more time for sex. Comment 14 by Minderbender is the ultimate quick come-back against critical peers like that.
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This is a tough one. I actually just blogged about this, as certain members of my family are very materialistic and have high expectations.
I think you just need to remember that it’s your life, your values, and your happiness that matters.
Just ignore what they say, or give it back to them. Throw out random stats…like the average couple spends only 12 minutes per day in conversation. 12 MINUTES!!! I bet the connection you have with your family is more meaningful than that!
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As a kid my family didn’t have a TV either. This certainly made me the odd-one-out at school, but I think it was really one of the best things about my childhood. I read a TON, and I’m still a voracious reader today, played board games with my family, spent a lot of time outdoors, bike riding, playing in the park, etc. This sort of thing may not be the “norm”, but it’s a great thing, that I hope you feel good about.
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I wonder if Rob’s coworkers are disgruntled because Rob isn’t like them. There is this need in people to justify their actions and purchases because other people do it. By Rob not owning a TV and living a much simpler life, he is showing them there is another way to live, and they may not like that answer.
I agree with the comments from #4 and #6 as well. Peer pressure is caused by people wanting to justify their actions by getting others to join with them.
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http://ultimatemoneyblog.com/getting-made-fun-of
I wrote about this! I experience the same thing at work. People make fun of me because they think I am cheap and because I am 26 and LOVE knitting! I need to adapt the “to hell with them attitude”!
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I usually really enjoy reading the comments on this website, but today I found the tone to be a little pompous and self-congratulatory.
It really does come down to education. And some of those people really don’t want to be educated.
…maybe deep down they’re wondering if they’re the fools for being pawns of a consumerist and TV-based culture.
We all make choices. I happen to enjoy watching television. Am I uneducated? No, actually I have a Master’s degree. Am I a pawn of the consumerist tv-based culture? I should hope not – I am a pretty minimal person – I don’t even have a cell phone.
I think some of the comments here have slipped over that line where they stop defending their own choices and start attacking others’ choices.
Just sayin’…
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Great comments today, everyone.
I want to make one thing clear: I’m not trying to judge anyone who does watch television. I often jokingly tell Kris that one of my goals is to be able to sit down and watch TV every evening. It’s true that by not watching TV, I’m able to be more productive, but by being so productive, I’m not able to watch TV. Does that make sense? Anyhow, I’m somewhat envious of people who have time to watch TV every night. Kris hates it when I say this, though.
My point is this: Do what works for you. And don’t let what other people say about your lifestyle make you feel bad about it. The original version of this post had a great quote from John T. Reed about making sacrifices when you’re young so that you don’t have to make them when you’re older. I think that Rob, who asked the question, is making sacrifices now so he doesn’t have to do so when he’s older. Maybe I’ll make a separate post out of that for the afternoon.
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I think Rob should look to his family for clues about whether he’s doing the right thing. If the kids can still giggle uproariously over how a card game goes or express how cool seeing animals in nature is or romp around in a park until they’re exhausted, seems like the words of his co-workers will carry less weight. Does it feel better for family members to be in separate rooms watching their individually owned TVs or video games or computers – or does it feel better for family members to be playing Twister together?
The other card to play is the “well, by living this way, we get to retire in X years” where X is shorter than the average retirement timeframe. Not nice, but sometimes satisfying.
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To answer the question of how Rob should respond to his co-workers depends so much on his personality. I tend to be a more agressive, conflict person, meaning that I don’t have concerns about hearing other people’s comments and making some of my own without offense taken. However, some people are more shy about such things.
Answering from my perspective, when someone asks why I don’t have an iPhone or only have one car for our family I usually respond with a question – “Why?”
With that question they now have to provide a reason that this item or activity is so important. When they do provide some sort of reason I simply dismiss it with a statement like, “That’s not really for me.” They have had their opportunity to explain and you may dismiss their reasoning with a basis that they cannot really refute – it’s not for me. That type of response tends to end the discussion if you want it to. When they show off their new toy, I check it out and then usually go “Cool” and leave it at that. With the taunt, “Don’t you want one?” again the question, “Why?” they will get tired of telling you after a while and the taunting will end.
You don’t need to change friends. Your lifestyle will change your friends eventually. Family is harder but the same technique works for them as well and time will convince them eventually that your path was the better one for what you want from life.
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Why is reading a book assumed to be a worthwhile use of one’s time, while watching TV is perceived as a mindless, wasteful, lazy pursuit? I’m talking fiction novels here.
I never really understood the arrogant, intellectual snobbery that considers reading to be some sort of altruistic, intellectual endeaver, while looking down their noses at the knuckle-draggers who prefer to watch TV.
Newsflash: They’re BOTH just mindlessly absorbing the products of someone else’s imagination. Even J.D. just did it, with this very post! He went on a rant about how the lack of a TV is “something to be praised.” Then in the very next paragraph, he says reading with Kris is something he “aspires to.” Why is reading with your wife a noble pursuit, but watching TV with your wife an utter waste of time?
And don’t give me the “advertisements” line. We all know DVRs have rendered commercials moot.
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People make similar comments about our family. One thing I do to help ward off silly or mean comments is to send pictures of our family doing fun, interesting things to work with my husband. He posts them in his cubicle, and it’s hard to argue with adorable, smiling kids. It also serves as a reminder to him why we live the way we do.
It isn’t always possible to change the people you are around (at work or otherwise), but it helps us to have positive reminders of our chosen lifestyle.
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I can only watch DVDs on my TV, so I’m kind of in the same boat. People just look at me like I have three heads when I tell them that I don’t watch a certain show or whatever. When they ask “but why don’t you have TV?” I’ll respond with “Oh, I’m so busy with gardening, raising my daughter, working on the house, cleaning, baking, knitting, blogging, and getting my second job up and running, that I just don’t have time!”
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I don’t see how one can have much time for tv, if one is actually spending time with their family, doing daily chores, and daily working out.
I watch about an hour to 2 hours per day during the week, most of it is pre-record and watched while I’m doing something else.
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I applaud Rob for living how he wants to and not caving to peer pressure.
As far as a response, I’d keep it simple and like others have said don’t be negative back to them. If they say something like: “Wow how do you live without TV, you must be miserable?!”
Just reply something like – “thanks for your concern, but we’re fine. If TV makes you happy that’s great, but I just don’t get the entertainment out of it.”
We’re ending our satellite TV next month when our contract is up – the $75 monthly fee just isn’t a good value for us anymore. We’re going to buy a DVD recorder to replace the DVR, but after that initial $100 or so expense we’ll put that money towards other goals. One of those goals is to read at least 1 book per month instead of mindlessly watching TV.
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Maybe I’m just too much of a professor these days…
But when someone ridicules or questions a choice I’ve made, I treat them like I would my students and answer it as a question, thoughtfully and honestly and in a way that in my classroom would provoke discussion and further debate, no matter how the question was actually intended.
So regarding the TV (which even my mom asks about), I just explain that we get the shows we want to watch on Netflix and Hulu and Comedy Central and we’re so behind on our TV watching we can afford to wait for new shows to finish a season without being cancelled and come out on dvd etc. etc. etc. Usually this ends up asking about specific shows that are usually available on Hulu, which is eye-opening for them. (My mom still thinks we’re depriving our son of Saturday morning cartoons no matter how many times I explain that the paradigm has shifted and netflix can supply his general need to talk about Dora the Explorer.) Your reasons are probably different, but can be explained in a nonjudgmental way.
I think the big trick here is the same as with my students… if you don’t give a reaction you’re not as much fun to tease. If you answer their questions with respect, their future dealings are more respectful. Or maybe I’m just really boring these days.
Note: just read the section on financial trolls… this method probably works better in person than online. Though I have seen many interactions where JD rationally engaged a troll and they DID come to an agreement, or at least a better understanding and had an illuminating conversation. I bet the conversations that were just a troll trolling seem to be more available mentally because they caused more emotion.
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I think the #1 piece of advice here is to start surrounding yourself with people outside of work that identify with your ideals.
You may be stuck with your coworkers, but you’re not stuck with your friends outside of work. Having supportive people around you will strengthen your resolve and make the teasing easier to deal with at work.
Whatever they say or do, remember to take the high road. It might feel good to fire back at them, but it doesn’t really accomplish anything except to make you temporarily feel better.
Be strong and sure of yourself in your resolve to live a simpler life. The energy and happiness that you exude by doing what’s right for you will be evident to everyone.
Your coworkers will “get it” they just may not be able to “deal with it.”
Also, part of living a simple life is allowing yourself the freedom from a toxic job. Maybe your coworkers are all uncomfortable because they’re stuck in jobs they hate trying to feed their unending desires? If things continue to get worse, maybe you have an emergency fund that could keep life moving while you look for something else?
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Kevin –
Given the language you have used, I doubt anything I say will change your mind. Personally, I don’t think watching TV is bad in small doses (and I do have a TV and cable).
I’m going to disagree with you on what constitutes each experience though. The primary difference I see between watching TV and reading a book is that reading is not actually mindless, since you have to use your imagination to create the characters and scenes described in the book (even if you’re not consciously aware of doing so). TV (or movies) create(s) all of those for you, not really requiring much mental investment on your part.
Again, I’m not going to claim TV is evil, but I will claim that reading tends to stimulate the imagination, while watching TV generally doesn’t.
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“My ***colleagues*** at work tell me that I live a miserable life, and I don’t give my family “materialistic life pleasures”. Those sort of words hurt me a lot. We don’t have a TV at our house and my ***colleague*** makes fun of this thing all the time.”
Interesting change of noun here. Reading between the lines, it sounds like it may just be one person who is really bugging you, but it feels like everyone is.
Whenever someone makes a life change that another person is uncomfortable with, the uncomfortable person will often make strange comments. It’s probably indicative of that person wanting to make a change but not really knowing how to.
Knowing this, you can pretty quickly shrug things off and/or make light of it. It’s knowing where they come from that really helps matters.
Last year, I went pescetarian (veggies + fish/seafood only; no “land animals”) for a few months to try to fix my diet. I was surprised at the backlash I got! Then I looked closely at the two people who had been the hardest on me, and realized they had something in common: they were both overweight.
My guess is they felt out of control in their own diets and were uncomfortable with someone near to them making choices that they weren’t comfortable making. They wanted to make a change, but weren’t sure what to do, so instead they simply teased the person who had made a choice. (Note: When I discovered the root of my problem was Celiac disease, their teasing instantly stopped. It was the fact that I had made a choice that was important to them, not the diet itself.)
In the same vein, I tend to harass J.D. on a regular basis about not pushing the business side of his blog harder. But in reality, there is a lot of J.D.’s life that I seek to emulate, and a lot of the harassment stems from me wanting to make my own blog better.
-Erica
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Foxie || CarsxGirl Says:
November 20th, 2009 at 7:01 am
“…because we didn’t need expensive toys or an oversized house.” Roxanne, #9
Well, nobody needs them, it’s what some people want. And I don’t see why those people, who want something and can afford it, get thrown in the same pile sometimes as those who want it and can’t afford it.
I’m sorry I made it sound as though people can’t or shouldn’t spend their money as they see fit. Speaking only for myself, once I had expensive toys and an oversized house, I found they didn’t make me as happy as I had expected them to, even though I had wanted them and could afford them. I found for myself that having more time and freedom made me much happier than I would have anticipated.
It seems that a person can have a simple life regardless of their bottom line. And, certainly, wanting what one can’t afford can create more stress than wanting what one can afford.
I was lured over to the “simple side” by No Impact Man, and I enjoyed the anecdotes that indicated his family was living a more fulfilling life as a direct result of their new-found simplicity. They could afford the stuff they wanted, but ultimately found it didn’t make them any happier having it. That’s pretty much what I would have wanted to express to the original Rob.
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I can handle peer pressure. I don’t care about what other people have. Bluntly and decisively refuse to be a part of their reindeer games. Some of the suggestions here are good ones. Shrug your shoulders and say “I really don’t care.” Use the “Why?” question. But if they persist in harassing you, very calmly and politely say “John, f— off before I have to report you to management.” That should get them off your back.
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Maybe he needs to think of his coworker’s joking in a different way. Where I work, everyone jokes around with everyone else. For me it’s the fact that I’m very short. “Hey, you need a hat with a flag on it so we can see you over the cubicle wall!” For another guy, it’s the fact that he’s a vegetarian, “Hey, how can you wear leather shoes if you don’t eat meat?” And so on. Maybe they secretly envy him for having a simpler, happier life with more family time? Yes, I’m always the optimist, but maybe they are not really taunting him. Maybe he is just sensitive to it because even though he knows he is doing the right thing, he feels he is going against the “norm”.
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Nothing is a waste of time if you enjoy it. Peer pressure comes in at waves and depending on the situation depends on how it affects. I have succumbed to peer pressure in the past in social situations but am better with financial obligations.
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I just rely on self-esteem and my head. My husband is a doctor and I have the privileged of not working. Obviously we’re pretty well off, but not so much that we can just spend money freely. One of my hobbies is playing tennis (alot). Needless to say the women I play tennis with are better off than we are. Some are downright wealthy.
It would be easy for me to see their $80k Audi or their country club memberships (plural!) and want those. But I don’t. In fact these friends are pretty easy. No one talks about money unless its about a sale or some good deal in town. We don’t compare stuff. We might admire someones jewelry and talk about that for a while (not the costs, just the styles), but for the most part we talk about family, friends and tennis. Maybe the haves are easier on each other than the have-nots?
But whenever I want something one of my wealthier friends has I use my head. I look at what all I do have – a nice home, a good car, a great husband, the luxury of not having to work, etc. I also look more realistically at those around me and see that I am very, very fortunate to have what I do, even if its less than many of my friends.
In other words rely on your self-esteem and your good sense. You know what you are doing or you wouldn’t be doing it. You know saving and living within your means is a better life then blowing each paycheck. And get a new set of friends if you have to. You can’t change your co-workers, but you can ignore them.
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