Your friends and family influence you. They affect the way you view life. If your friends are frugal, it’s easier to be frugal yourself. But if they’re wrapped up in consumerism and materialism, and can be difficult to resist the urge to join them. It’s only natural to want to fit in.
Rob wrote yesterday to ask how to handle a situation where he wants to lead a simple life, but those around him aren’t supportive. How can he cope with peer pressure? Here’s his story:
Since we try to live frugally, we don’t have a television or video games or any other electronic toys in our house. We try to spend time as a family, talk to each other, read books, try to help my wife in cooking etc.
My colleagues at work tell me that I live a miserable life, and I don’t give my family “materialistic life pleasures”. Those sort of words hurt me a lot. We don’t have a TV at our house and my colleague makes fun of this thing all the time.
How should I respond to people like this? Should I even pay attention to them? I don’t want to spoil my relationships at work. I’ll bet a lot of your readers experience the same thing. What are your thoughts?
It can be tough when you’re trying to save, trying to focus on the simple things, and everyone else around you seems to value Stuff. But materialism doesn’t lead to happiness. Though having money might increase your happiness, wanting money (and things it can buy) almost certainly will not. “Indeed, not only does materialism not bring happiness,” writes Sonja Lyubormirsky in The How of Happiness, “but it’s been shown to be strong predictor of unhappiness.”
Rob needs to ask himself some questions: “Am I happy? Is my family happy?” If he can answer yes to both of these, then what does he care what other people think? If he continues to struggle, he should remind himself of a few ways to cope with peer pressure:
- Trust your instincts. If you’re sure of your choices and the reasoning behind them, say so. When you get pressure, explain that you’re happy just the way you are. Be confident. Be proud to be a non-conformist.
- Laugh it off. When your friends and family get on your case, make a joke and move on. Don’t let their opinions rattle you.
- Find other friends. This isn’t always possible (or desirable). Rob may be stuck with his co-workers eight hours a day. But if your friends are pressuring you into a lifestyle you don’t want, hang out with other friends. True friends support each other; they don’t tear each other down.
To live happily as a non-conformist in a world filled with peer pressure, you have to learn to ignore everybody. Do what you believe is right, and to hell with what other people think.
To me, Rob’s life doesn’t sound miserable. It sounds idyllic. It’s the sort of thing Kris and I aspire to: spending time together, talking and reading. I’m proud of what he’s doing.
Do you have financial trolls in your life? How do you handle them? How do you cope with peer pressure?
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The inadvertently transparent/smug/faux elitist attitude in some of these comments is hilarious. I’d have to climb three rungs higher on the ‘I care’ ladder to reach apathetic when it comes to whether you watch/have a TV or not. It’s your choice. I have friends who don’t watch, though I do — and not just PBS.
What a joke that claim has become.
Peer pressure is what folks allow, nothing more or less. If it bothers you, grow a pair.
Most folks don’t care how much more ‘enriching’ your lifestyle is — or if they do, they’ll ask about it. So please, live your minimalist lives and try applying minimalist principles to expressing your opinions of others’ lifestyles.
There, I feel much mo betta.
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BawldGuy: Heh. I WATCH PBS … but I don’t pay for it!
Okay, fine, ONCE, but not now. And I love my commercial television, as long as I don’t have to listen to/watch the commercials, many of which are wretchedly written. If I don’t know what you’re trying to sell me, YOU ARE NOT DOING YOUR JOB.
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#37:
“Why is reading a book assumed to be a worthwhile use of one’s time, while watching TV is perceived as a mindless, wasteful, lazy pursuit? I’m talking fiction novels here.”
Probably because reading a book requires a level of literacy/education that TV does not.
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So you’re saying it’s a reasonable assumption that people who watch TV do so because they’re illiterate?
Really? That sounds reasonable to you?
If not, then isn’t that admitting the “literacy” argument is just a red herring? Which brings me back to my original question: why the intellectual distinction?
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Your first sentence is a strawman argument – I said nothing of the sort.
It’s a reasonable assumption that due to the fact that books require a level of literacy that television does not, that when considering the population as a whole, the intelligence and education of the average book reader will *by necessity* be higher than that of the average television viewer.
Of course this is a gross generalization, as there are plenty of highly intelligent/educated people who watch television, and plenty of ignoramuses who read books. It’s not a judgment call on my part – I watch plenty of TV. Just stating a logical conclusion based on the facts.
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wow that’s quite alot of comments, this is a popular subject! i haven’t been able to read every comment but here’s my two cents.
this topic has struck a nerve with ALOT of ppl it seems, looks like it’s very easy to find ppl who have been on the receiving end of judgemental attitudes regarding tv watching, frugality, luxuries, whatever… i really don’t believe we’re all on one side of the fence. i have been judged, but i’ve also judged – i’ll fess up to that. and i’m sure not all of you are saints either.
you may have that vegetarian friend, religous coworker, granola eco-warrior friend or frugal pal. you may not agree with how they live their lives but take a second to consider how you relate to them, the little things you may say, even inadvertantly. are you truly loving/tolerant/humble?
i feel too often we focus on blaming everyone ELSE, they are the problem, not me! we can’t all be victims. i’d like to make some snide remark about my bicycle loving friend who makes us all feel like carbon pigs for driving cars but…but i’m going catch myself and not judge and accept our differences.
if you really can’t come to terms with someone else’s lifestyle choices, and you can’t keep your mouth shut…then time to find new friends.
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There are certain things that should be avoided with co-workers and other acquaintances.
Lack of a television. If they ask whether you saw a particular show, just say “No,” without elaborating.
Your eating and exercise habits.
Your financial habits and condition. This includes never mentioning debt pay-down, or building savings.
Your goals in life – either financial or personal.
Also, I like to avoid being seen with ANY material possession that might inspire coveting or envy.
I have also learned to avoid discussing ANY options or choices in my life. It tends to be interpreted as an invitation for the other person to tell me what to do. Whether how to spend my money, or my time, or what to eat, or where to live, etc, etc.
It is best to just let people assume that you are just like them. Or even lower than them, so they don’t feel threatened.
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