I spent 17 years working at a job I hated, afraid to pursue my passions. I’ve spent the past two years doing something I love, and the difference in my attitude is like night and day. Some folks take the position that a job is just a job, that it’s not meant to be enjoyed, but merely to provide an income. I’m not one of these people. Neither is Alexandra Levit.
In her new book, New Job, New You, she writes:
Many people stay in unsatisfying careers because they believe positive change is impossible, [but] finding work that fulfills you and meets your needs is completely doable.
Levit says that people who change careers have several common motivations. Each of the seven chapters in New Job, New You explores one of them:
- Family — For many people, it’s important to put family first. Not every career allows this. In this chapter, Levit highlights ways to shape a career that maintains your income but also allows for time with your loved ones.
- Independence — The number-one reason people want to change careers is a drive for greater independence. They want to work for themselves, or have control of their future. This chapter explores entrepreneurship as a motive for change.
- Learning — For some, the desire to know and do more is the catalyst for career change. Here, Levit looks at folks who have gone back to school or obtained other training in order to shift careers.
- Money — Ah, yes. Our favorite topic at Get Rich Slowly. As you might expect, there are plenty of people who change careers out of a desire to earn more money. This chapter looks at folks who escaped from low-paying careers boost their income.
- Passion — I have a soft spot for this career-change motivation. I’ve pursued my passion, and it’s paid off. I’ve talked with many others who have done the same. Not everyone can pursue their passions, of course, but if you’re one of the lucky few, work can be profitable and fulfilling.
- Setback — Sometimes career change is unintentional. In this chapter, Levit shows how losing your job can sometimes be the perfect launching pad to something completely different.
- Talent — Finally, Levit looks at what happens when folks have talents they just can’t suppress. (This motive is very similar to passion — so similar, in fact, I can’t really tell the difference.)
Each chapter features real-life stories from five people who started in one career, but in their twenties or thirties experienced one of the above catalysts, leading them to make the leap to something different.
For example, Jason Miller started out in his family’s construction business, but he felt like the job was a dead end. He began to dabble with his passion for photography. Levit describes how Miller found a mentor, honed his skills, and started his own business. From the book:
Jason tells those who have identified a passion to assess how important it is to turn that passion into a career. “You have to look at the cost and see if it’s worth it to you. If it is, don’t stop and never give up unless it sacrifices your integrity or relationships with the people you love. And remember that even if you love what you do, your work should never define who you are.”
There’s more to New Job, New You than just stories, though. Each chapter includes a section with tips for putting the change to work. This is motivational and meaty stuff, with steps you can take to explore your own possible career change.
My quibbles with New Job, New You are minor. I’m not a fan of books with quizzes and exercises. (Guess what Your Money: The Missing Manual won’t have!) Levit’s book has a big quiz called “Should You Make a Career Change?” to kick things off, but it seems pointless. Why not let people decide by reading the book? The end-of-chapter questions and exercises are a little more relevant, but I’d rather have seen the space devoted to even more stories or how-to tips.
I’m a sucker for personal stories. I learn more from hearing how real people succeed than from theoretical advice from “experts”. If you’re not a fan of personal anecdotes — if you’d rather just have a list of bullet points that tell you how to get the job done — New Job, New You probably isn’t your best choice. Sure, Levit has plenty of concrete actionable steps here, but most of the book contains true-life stories of people who have changed careers.
New Job, New You is a practical, inspirational resource for anyone looking to change careers. These real stories from real people are a call to pursue your passion. If you’ve been thinking about reinventing yourself in a bright new career, this book can help show you the way.
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I agree that passion and talent are very similar, but I think there are differences. You can actively develop a talent. You practice an instrument or write 500 words a day. Developing passion is more passive. It’s sometimes the byproduct of talent. As you practice more and more, you become better at playing an instrument and therefore want to play more often.
Or you may find that while you are technically good, you have no desire to pursue further than technical competence. For example, my wife is going back to school to become a teacher. She likes English and is considering getting an English degree and her teaching certificate. In her classes she’s great at writing essays and research papers. But she is more passionate about writing short stories and other, more creative types of writing.
I think, in general, passion and talent are often intertwined, particularly as motivating forces to change careers. However, I don’t think they are the same or that they should be used interchangeably.
Thanks for the post.
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I pretty much hate my current job. This year I’m really going to be pouring myself into things that I love. I’m hoping that I will be able to quit sometime this year or next. I want to have a good plan in place first obviously!
But then I also worry that the economy is so bad I should be thankful I HAVE a job and that I won’t be able to find a new one!
Then I worry that doing what I love could become a chore, you know? http://ultimatemoneyblog.com/can-doing-what-you-love-become-a-chore
What do you think, JD?
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I find no enjoyment from my current career (good job in an unsatisfying career). Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything I am passionate about.
So, what I need isn’t a book on fulfilling my passion but a book on finding my passion.
Also, my other problem is that, after years of living below my means, I have put myself into a mortgage that demands my current high income. And with the current real estate situation (and my wife) getting out of the mortgage is a non-starter.
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This gives me great hope that I may one day quit my current job to pursue something that I love. At the same time, it brings me fear. Fear that I won’t be able to quit. Fear that my new endeavor will not succeed. Fear that I will fail. To be honest, I’ve gotten quite comfortable in my job. Half of my office was laid off 10 months ago. I received a promotion, but no pay increase. I received much more responsibility, but nothing to show for it.
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I spent 17 years working at a job I hated, afraid to pursue my passions. I’ve spent the past two years doing something I love, and the difference in my attitude is like night and day.
I spent nine years at a job that I hated plotting my shift to work I loved.
I strongly believe that people should do what they love. But I also strongly believe that it is a mistake to quit a well-paying or secure job just because it doesn’t provide personal fulfillment. My thought is that the reason why we are reluctant to leave jobs we hate is that we know that they provide some benefits. Giving up those benefits without first putting a carefully thought-out plan into place is a mistake.
I spent those nine years saving like a madman. It is those savings that have made the success of my internet business a good possibility. It may be that your 17 years taught you some things about life that have helped you become a successful blogger, J.D..
I am making two points. One, we should not think of the years doing work we hate as a waste. They build the foundation for a move to doing work we love. And we shouldn’t put all the focus on personal fulfillment. Personal fulfillment is important. But so is money and so is security. The trick is to find the proper lifetime balance of these various good things.
Rob
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Coming from a successful artistic career having what many people would consider a “dream job”, I have to point out that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Many “dream” positions involve very concrete sacrifices that are not always obvious when you are sitting in a bland grey cubicle wishing and hoping for something better. For example, in my career, while I had a great salary and did rewarding work, it required me to pretty much sacrifice my personal life. I was willing to do that early on when I was childless, but once my son came, it was no longer a reasonable trade-off. I also had to accept a good deal of unpredictability–I never could count on having a job from day to day, and benefits were non-existent much of the time. It’s easy, in this age of massive layoffs to tell yourself that there’s little difference between the unpredictability of a corporate-wide housecleaning and the life of a independent artist, but I’ve lived in both worlds, and believe me, they are worlds apart. While most corporations provide counseling and severance packages, those services are generally unheard of in the artistic world. You are lucky if the companies give you all the wages they owe you, let alone extra. The politics that surround “dream” jobs tend to be much uglier too, as the qualities that make a position a dream tend to cause much higher degrees of infighting among coworkers. We used to describe certain studios as bowling alleys because you could hear the sound of heads rolling pretty much daily, and most of the firings were due to interpersonal conflicts.
In addition, you really need to figure out if your passion/talent/interest is something you WANT to expand to a full-time job. I found that as time went by, I did less and less personal artistic work because I was just plain sick of doing it for my job. The further I’ve drifted away from the industry, the more inspired I’ve felt myself becoming to get back into doing what I love–just on a much smaller, more intimate level.
I am not sour overall on the idea of quitting to follow a more rewarding path. I think there are plenty of situations where it works great–JD is obviously an example. In some ways, I even did just that by quitting an industry that wasn’t working right for me, and starting off in a completely new direction. I just highly recommend keeping a clear head when you consider your choices, and do as much research as possible before hand. For example, if you want to start a career as an artist, start joining professional groups and talking to working artists before you make any big moves. Get a REAL sense of what you are jumping into, instead of a romanticized image of what you *think* it will entail.
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I got an advanced degree and worked for four years in a field I hated. It wasn’t worth it. I quit, took a 40% pay cut and have been working steadily towards a career that I truly love. I’m still paying off those school loans, but I enjoy my life every day now. You can’t put a price tag on that. But I’ve managed to right-size my lifestyle and start paying off my debt even at my new salary because I have more control in my life.
For those who think that finding a new job in this economy is impossible, it’s not true. It may be easier than you think. It’s much more difficult to get a job in a field you hate. It’s hard, even for the best actor or actress to fake a passion for something, and you’re competing with people who really do love that career. They live it, breathe it, and spend their free time improving their performance because they love it.
Once you find your own passion, you’ll find it far easier to get a job than you think. Sure, in some cases training may be necessary, but if you can genuinely talk the talk, you can impress. Maybe the new job will even pay for that training – lots of businesses like to hire great talent regardless of experience. (And before you rebut that statement, of course there are some companies that won’t. But there’s no need to lie down and give up and keep a miserable job. There ARE alternatives.)
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I hear all to time people worried about doing what they love becoming a chore. Seems odd to me that people will stay where they hate due to fear of what MIGHT happen.
Never take counsel of your fears. (Stonewall Jackson)
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I’m with Rob on this one and am painfully aware that while my job is not the one for me, it’s the best option at the moment.
I’ve been working in my current field for 3 years now, after a year spent studying a Postgraduate qualification to get into it in the first place. Barely a day goes by that I don’t moan about the work (I’m a government librarian for my sins), but unlike some poor folk, I never really expected to like the job
Suffice to say it broke me out of a cycle of shop and customer service jobs, is paying down my debts (should be debt free in 6 months for the first time in 8-9 years) and has given me a little security with the promise of at least a small pension in years to come.
Once the debts are gone save, save, then save some more. I haven’t started planning a specific escape yet, but it’s nice to know that I’ll have the confidence to do so when the time comes….
*Edit: Interesting to see that for so many of us, entrepreneurship or working for ourselves is such a big motivator, despite the number of small businesses which fail every year! I’m another person who loves the idea of running a business, but I suspect that I’d be a rubbish boss to myself!
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Don’t know if it’s a plus or not, but I’ve never had the patience to work at something I didn’t love. I always think ‘I only have so many heartbeats – how can I waste any of them?’.
It does mean tradeoffs (not necessarily financial) & my solution (like many others) was to start my own business. I’m not any more ‘free’ since running a business means responding to customers and a huge time ongoing time and energy investment, but I can keep tweaking the business focus & structures to match what really matters to me, and find employees who either share those values or who want to work in the environment we have created. I often think that it comes from an unwillingness to compromise, but wouldn’t want to ‘work to live’.
Love reading the other points of view, though!
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I’m fortunate that I work a job and career path that I love. It’s a difficult path that pays well and I find personally challenging and rewarding. I’m also fortunate that I happen to be good at it.
Unfortunately, the high pay attracts a number of people who aren’t any good at it, and don’t really love it. Because it is not an easy job, quality suffers. Having to deal with their sloppy work and ‘I hate this job’ attitude is the worst part about it.
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@ Rob: “It is those savings that have made the success of my internet business a good possibility.”
Rob — what exactly *is* your internet business?
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Another time for career change comes with retirement. I have spent a total of 28 years in a rewarding career, much of which I have loved. There are probably things about every job that are distasteful, and mine is no exception, but overall it’s been a great ride. Now, as I approach retirement, I am planning my next occupation to blend with the lifestyle I hope to achieve. It’s exciting, but probably not as scary as starting a new career without a set income from retirement.
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Rob — what exactly *is* your internet business?
The article at the URL below gives the background needed to make sense of the hostility evidenced in this comment:
http://www.passionsaving.com/internet-harassment.html
Rob
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I think that talent and passion are two completely different things. I like what I do as an engineer, but it isn’t my passion. I am in this job because I have a very real talent for it. If I had to identify a passion it would be something else: teaching, writing, art, I don’t know because I haven’t given myself an opportunity to do any of these for eight hours every day. And like others have said I’m not sure I want to. If I’m happy enough where I am why ruin something I like by doing way too much of it?
I think the difference is: I don’t hate my job. If I did I would leave. I am already working on escape plans so if I do start hating it I can get out. But while I don’t love it here, I like it here. I find it an acceptable and fulfilling way to fill 40 hours each week, if not always ideal. And like another poster said:
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR BECAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT.
When I tell people what I do they often tell me how cool my job is. When you condense it to a few sentences it sounds pretty darn cool. But when you’re here you do a lot of paperwork and fix a lot of problems that shouldn’t be problems in the first place. We have the same personalities and frustrations that exist everywhere. Every job has it’s sucky points. So while I agree that you shouldn’t let things hold you back, you also need to be ready for reality and don’t think that if you could just “X” (change your job/house/car, lose some weight, get married/divorced, make more money) things would be better. Thrive in place.
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Shara, I can so relate to what you’re talking about. Sometimes, in all the clamor about how you HAVE to do what you’re passionate about, it’s easy to wonder if “good enough” really is.
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Lesley, I think “good enough” is great. If your job makes you miserable, then GET OUT! But you often don’t need a complete career change for that. My first job out of school was awful and I almost gave up on engineering, but then I got this job and it’s completely different, though the work is the same. I hated the specific stuff they had me doing and I didn’t even realize it.
I have also found that what people are often “passionate” about wind up being the same things, which means there are plenty of people willing to do it for sucky pay. I prefer to keep my hobbies as hobbies.
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Shara, I agree with you. That’s why it’s so important for people to identify whether they hate their job or hate their career. There’s a big difference. I also studied engineering and ended up changing careers because I hated the engineering work itself, which no job change was going to fix because, as you noted, the work is the same.
Now I’m using my day job to support my passion for writing fiction. I want to do it full-time if the opportunity presents itself. But I wouldn’t have known this if I didn’t already experience the realities (and yes, headaches) of writing fiction for money while having a stable day job. I’ve seen too many wannabe writers quit the day job before they’ve even written a few pages and with no clue of how the publishing business works, including how little and how slowly it pays. Not a smart move. Many, if not most, published novelists still have a day job.
Perfect is the enemy of the good. That goes for careers too.
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I’ve been planning for the career I have since I was about 15 years old. I practiced it for fun in high school. I studied it in college. I joined clubs related to it. I may not always have the job I have now, but I doubt I’ll ever change fields. I still find the work I do fascinating, I still learn new things all the time, and I love the people I work with.
Sure, it has its downsides, not everything is always perfect, but everything in life has downsides. You’re never going to find a job where you’re never pushed up against a deadline, or don’t have to deal with an unreasonable boss or customer occasionally.
Also, it’s important to consider that “passions” are often fleeting. Sure, photography might be the most exciting thing right now, but what about two years ago, when it was bicycling, or two years before that, when it was modifying cars? If hobbies get old after a year or two in your spare time, they might get old after a month or two of full-time employment, especially since they now come with the annoyances that every job has that hobbies don’t, like irate customers and filing expense reports. I’ve had a *lot* of interests and hobbies in my life, and I’m not even 30 yet. Even though I still find most of them at least a little bit interesting, I only actively participate in a couple, one of which is where my job is focused.
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I’ve been working in the same demi-professional field for twenty years now. Many people would probably think that constitutes a “career,” but I don’t see it that way. The work I do isn’t self-directed, it won’t lead to running the business, and it’s certainly not something I do because I love it. But I’m good at it, and I’m well compensated as a consequence.
For me, this “career” has served to support everything else in my life that I actively love: travel, dancing, art, books, spoiling my cats.
I see nothing at all wrong with working at “just a job” so long as you are treated with civility and respect. My observation: true on-the-job misery is generally the result of a toxic boss/culture or an employee’s own attitude. I’ve experienced both, and have brought my own issues to the job more than once. It didn’t help.
We reap what we sow, and going to work from a place of negativity guarantees that every day will be less than great. It is often not the work itself that we hate, but the place where we have to do it – or else we are so unhappy in ourselves that no job would satisfy us.
So I’d suggest that people who are really unhappy at work look at themselves FIRST, and then start looking at whether it’s a new job they need. If I had dealt with my own issues earlier (professional counseling would have helped), I could have avoided a lot of stress, anxiety, depression, and overspending.
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This topic has been discussed many times on GRS and it always comes back to the point that you should enjoy what you do, but make sure it provides a secure life both personally and financially. As a career switcher myself about three years ago I can tell you there are always unknowns or hidden factors that you fail to see because you are blinded by the desire to be somewhere else. The unknown can motivate you to make a leap, but paralyze you to stay put, because it is unknown.
I think “Happier” is kind of like “More” on the curve of life (as highlighted in Your Money or Your Life) the more we pursue an undefinable destination of happier and try to achieve it by finding the “perfect” job, the less likely we are to reach that illusive place called happier. I think Dominguez was right when he suggests we should establish what *enough* is and learn to be content with it. After all the countries with the most content, happiest people are those who have lower expectations for life. That’s just a hard pill to swallow for the American Manifest Destiny mindsets.
Oh and ditto to what chacha1 said.
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“Not everyone can pursue their passions, of course, but if you’re one of the lucky few, work can be profitable and fulfilling.”
How can you make a statement like that while encouraging everyone to pursue a career that is fulfilling to them? Are you speaking to everyone or a lucky few? That sort of statement perpetuates the very attitude/feeling about work that you seem to want to discourage. There is an element of drudgery to all work, but when you do work that is meaningful to you those elements are just a part, not the sum of your day.
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2009 was a horrible year if you were a lawyer employed at a large law firm. Tens of thousands lost their jobs as the economy imploded.
As a result, many of these unemployed lawyers decided to hire themselves by starting their own solo law firms. They remembered that they didn’t leave all of their legal knowledge behind at their previous employer. For as little as $600 they could purchase a time, billing and accounting software program like PCLaw™, operate just as they did at their former employer and keep all of the money from their billable hours.
This lesson equally applies to anyone who is unhappy about their current employment environment. With a little introspection you can identify your strengths and decide to leverage those strengths for your own benefit.
Just Do It.
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I found this link about job satisfaction on the Drudge Report today:http://apnews.myway.com/article/20100105/D9D1J3F02.html
I wonder if the concern about “job satisfaction” has only become more relevant as our society has progressed towards a more leisurely existence? According to the article 20% more people are unhappy with their work than 20 years ago. It may be that I am to young to know any different, but did the baby boom and pre-baby boom generation fret so much about being *happy* in their careers, or were they simply satisfied to have a means to provide for their family?
It seems odd to me that in a generation that has achieved a college education in greater numbers than any other previously, that supposedly allows you to follow your *dreams* and find the career of your choosing, is less satisfied with the work they are doing than previous generations who were not college educated and were more likely to work in a J.O.B and not a *career* that was selected after four years of higher education.
(Sorry to be hanging out in the comment section today, but we had a snow day today and I find this topic interesting)
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I am convinced that i should read the book. Not that I personally need it in order to find what I love to do, but I would like to know how to help others to find that same thing.
This year has been a turning point for me. I have been doing what I thought to be what I was born to do, but now I am transitioning into something and am just now starting to feel like it’s where I’m supposed to be.
I’ve heard of stories of other people who have taken less paying jobs to do what they enjoy doing and end up having more money because their lives are less stressful which makes them spend less money.
Thanks for the post!
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The main factors that are motivating me are independence, passion (or the current lack thereof), and money too.
I also agree with Rob that you shouldn’t quit a well paying or secure job just because it doesn’t provide a sense of fulfillment. We could find our sense of fulfillment outside of work, through areas such as providing for our families, developing a skill or hobby, etc.
However, since most of us spend 40 or even more hours at our job every week, it can be difficult to find enough time to pursue those things that do bring us fulfillment. Often times we may be too tired from work, and want to just destress when we get home.
With that said, I’m all for finding your passion, and pursuing ways to have it generate a full-time income.
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Hi Chett! I’m hanging out too. No snow day for me – just a SLOW day!
Re: hobbies into work: I have a friend who runs a half-dozen home-based businesses. Only one makes a profit and it’s the one he enjoys least. His wife (who does all their business paperwork but whose day job provides their financial security) constantly urges me to turn my Hobbies into cash flow. I constantly tell her that if I had pressure to create, it would no longer be fun, i.e., a Hobby.
I have sold nearly everything I’ve made (jewelry/art) but not at prices that covered much more than supplies. You have to look at the market and say, can I sell this thing for the cost of materials PLUS a reasonable compensation for my labor? Most of the time, with art/music/writing the answer is a big, loud NO.
All too often, people who want to live for their passion (artists are notorious for this!) are unwilling or unable to produce a) on a scale that will support life or b) in a manner that will generate sales. You have to create something people want to buy, not just something that pleases you and suits your artistic vision.
Thus, 99% of creatives have “day jobs.”
I do think the notion of job satisfaction is extremely recent. There have always been people who wouldn’t settle for less than living their passion, but have understood that doing so meant a lifetime of financial insecurity. This is why successful (able to marry, maintain a home, and support children)artists/writers/musicians/actors of the past were, in general, supported by patronage.
Anyway, I do think people should explore everything that interests them, but should never make big investments in hobbies just because they think they can make a living at it. Most of us can’t, many of us shouldn’t (passion does not equal talent), and that’s okay.
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You know, awhile I wrote in stating a lot of these very things. I had a job that paid well, but I was not happy. I got grilled by a lot of people saying I should just be happy that I have a job. Well, to be honest, there is a good chance that this “safe” job won’t be so safe any more. I have been slowly working on some possibly other courses of action, but I’m not seeing how I could replace a 70k a year job + benefits while working for myself. I have a wife and 2 little ones, with more kids expected down the road. I would love to get out of the IT industry and get into furniture/cabinet making full time. I just don’t see it as a truly viable option at this point in time. Wish it was…
I think I might just go and pick up a copy of this book at the library just to see what other info it can offer
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Very interesting article. At 60 years old, I spent most of my working career self employed with employees. It wasn’t until I started to work for an employer that I began to earn money and not live off my wife’s income. I was 100 times happier working for myself, but finally when I turned 50 I recognized I would need to retire soon and had no retirement. It was taking my wife’s income, and all of mine to raise our family. Once my children all graduated from college, I went back to college, and became an accountant. I bought a practice with about 30 clients and today only 2 of those are still in business. So I struggled as a contractor, and then struggled as an accountant in private practice. I went to work for a Government agency in accounting and have never made so much money in my life, but I hate it.
If you are one of the fortunate few who are successful working for yourself, then great. I worked twice as many hours when working for myself, and taking vacations was a real pain when trying to find someone to watch my business. For the last 7 years I’ve work as a budget officer and I can take vacation when ever I want.
So there are trade offs both ways. I wouldn’t trade my experience of working for myself for anything, but I am jealous of all my co-workers my age who have 30 year retirements under their belt.
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I have a talent for complex quantitative skills, teaching math, and generally being an economist.
I have a passion for sleeping in, reading novels, watching anime, and surfing the net.
What is stopping me from becoming a copy-editor or research librarian?
Well, I’d probably be reasonably decent at the latter, but there are a lot fewer people who are really good at what I do than there are at what I really love doing. My Protestant work ethic tells me to go where my comparative advantage is, since I don’t hate it, it’s important, and the money is good, and to do my passions in my free time. (Though my job does allow me to sleep in, which is important.)
Some part of me does think that if you’re a great artist or a scientific genius, then you have some obligation to use your talent for the betterment of society… even if you’d rather be what you’re mediocre at. The economics training in me, oddly, says that you should be allowed to be a mediocre short order cook rather than a genius physicist if that’s what you want to do (or a mediocre physicist rather than a genius chef, like one of our former students… what a waste with someone who did such amazing and creative things with food.)
Edit: Just read Shara’s comment. That’s EXACTLY my situation.
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There is no comparision to going to a job that you like.
And there is no compensation in the world that can make up for it.
I’m ecstatic for you that you’ve found your calling.
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Might have to give this book a read because I enjoy exercises in books.
I was just talking to someone the other day who wish they spent more time thinking about their career when they were in the mid 20′s. Although I’m young and think I’m on the right track, it’s always great to get a new perspective.
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I’d like to second (and expand on) what Shara, Cara, and chacha1 touched on (i.e., not mistaking a bad job for a bad career).
I have done essentially the same type of work for about 16 years at three different companies. I have gone through periods of loving my career and feeling disillusioned with it — sometimes even while working for the same employer.
When I think back on those periods when I was happiest, it was when I was working with great people who were talented and whom I “clicked” with personally. In other words, I was happiest when I was part of a great team.
It seems all too rare for a company to bring together the right mix of people to form a great team. Unfortunately, unless you make hiring decisions, that’s not something you can usually control. And even if you have some influence over hiring, there’s a lot of luck involved in finding people who just get along really well.
My point is that finding work that you love is a worthy goal, but it’s not the only factor that determines your happiness with your career path. Not by a long shot. As in other aspects of life, your relationships with the people you meet along the way matter a lot. If you don’t click with your colleagues, you can be doing work you’re passionate about and still curse the sound of the alarm clock in the morning.
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I’m a regular reader of PF blogs, and have read with interest (and a bit of disgust, frankly) many discussions on the topic of working a J-O-B versus “pursuing one’s passions” – and the financial finagling that often occurs in a marriage and/or life partner situation in order for ONE of the parties involved to be able to “follow their dreams”.
Many, many times, it seems that – in a marriage/life partner situation, what ultimately happens is that one partner winds up taking advantage of the other. Meaning that one party ends up working at a J-O-B to provide the “backbone income” for the family, so that the other individual can “pursue their passions”, as it’s popularly called. Usually, the person who agrees to go out and earn the “reliable” income is the “less assertive” personality of the two. He/she is often in a mindset of loving the other person, wanting him or her to be happy, and wanting to be a “supportive” partner. So he/she agrees to shoulder the lion’s share of the burden (with its accompanying stress and sacrifices) of being the main breadwinner for the family – for years, and often for decades – the provider of the family health insurance, regular contributions to the couple’s retirement account and so on.
What I’ve seen in many cases is that “following one’s passions” becomes almost a sort of religion with some people, to the point that they justify taking advantage of others – especially their spouses, but sometimes parents or other relatives as well. Since when does ONE person’s desire to “pursue their passions” justify taking advantage of someone else? Note please that I am NOT talking about one parent staying home to raise the children, and the entire family making the financial sacrifices necessary in order to make that happen. I’m talking about when one person feels that following their own dreams in life is so important that it justifies forcing their partner to work for years at a job that is not fulfilling THEIR PARTNER’S dreams or passions – at least not to near the same degree.
There is a very successful blogger who describes not only being able to stay home to fulfill his dream of being a writer and have more “quality time” with his children, but also takes time for journaling, meditation, long walks for exercise and pleasure, pursuing of his interest in gourmet cooking, video and computer gaming, 1-2 hours daily set aside for pleasure reading, and other non-income producing activities. I was additionally shocked when his New Year’s resolutions included at least one hour daily to take up learning to play the piano. Yet in an earlier post, he described the “mountain of laundry” that he and his wife face each weekend due to laundry piling up and not being done all week. Meanwhile, his wife is schlepping their two preschool-age children(she’s pregnant with their third) off to daycare on the way to her full-time job during the week. This is the point at which “pursuing one’s passions” becomes more important than pulling one’s own weight in a relationship. The focus becomes “What ELSE can I add to the list of what might fulill me personally?” rather than “What do I need to contribute to make this arrangement a fair and equitable one for my partner, who is making this sacrifice for me?” Whether the partner is willing to continue in this exploitive arrangement really isn’t the point; it should be about personal integrity and responsibility – and about what is right and FAIR to the other person.
This is the kind of thing that turns my stomach. It starts out with a desire to pursue one’s passions, and where does it end? Work and providing for one’s family isn’t always “fun”, but it has to be done. It’s no accident that the generation of WWII is known as “The Greatest Generation”. These men and women recognized that there were things in life more important than chasing one’s dreams and striving to scratch every hedonistic itch that comes along – no matter who gets taken advantage of in the process.
I have a 28-year-old nephew who finished his Master’s degree about 5 years ago, and has spent his time since flitting from job to job, trying to decide “what he wants to do with his life”. In the meantime, he has spent most of that time working as few hours as possible and living off his part-time wages and his wife’s school loan money. The big concern in our family is that this very intelligent and talented young man will find a career that he will feel fulfilled in and happy with, and not hop from one job to another as soon as the novelty wears off – all in the name of “pursuing his passions”. Meanwhile, I can see the handwriting on the wall… another individual spending his life worshipping his own appetite for his personal interests and excitement, while his spouse trudges off to provide for the family and fund his folly (in the name of being a loving, supportive wife).
Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for pursuing your dreams, finding fulfillment in your life (and work, if possible), etc. Just realize that the bills still have to be paid (even if you’re living frugally), and that your desire to live the life of your dreams doesn’t give you license to take advantage of your partner.
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My problem is that I’m thinking about changing careers but I’m still in school.
As an individual with a Bachelors and two Masters, most of the jobs I’ve seen don’t pay more than $30,000 a year. I need to make at least that to pay off the school loans that got me here. I’ve thought about getting another Masters in Computer Science (my first two are in Theology and Library Science) but most of the programs want you to have a Bachelors in Computer Science. A second Bachelors does not seems like a good idea.
Basically, I’m too far in debt to keep going to school, but I’m too far in debt to stop going to school.
Most of these things are my mistakes, if I had to do it all over again, I’d be getting a BA in Computer Science and leaving it at that. I have two degrees in Theology and I’m not even religious anymore. I did what I had a passion for, now I have a different passion.
I’m trying to branch out by getting tech certification and learn things my library program doesn’t teach me (as in anything practical) in order to actually secure a job (which is not easy right now).
This blog helps me save money and think about what I could do with $30,000 a year if I need to.
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Brandon,
Most technical MS programs require the BS to be sure you have the background necessary to succeed in the program. Call the graduate adviser for your local state university and ask what you would need to do to fill in the holes in your education. Most likely you can take a few upper level classes to make sure you have the technical background. It will add 12-18 months to the program, but that’s better than 4 years. And many universities acknowledge this and will even give you credit toward your MS for 400 level classes (I believe USC allows up to 9 credits, many allow 6).
Kelly,
We have one of those in our family. My mother’s brother is 62 and facing retirement with very little to show for his life. For years his lifestyle was supplemented by my grandparents and now that they have passed he has no more wells to tap. And the inheritance he was planning on to retire himself isn’t as big as he was expecting. He told my mom she should sign over some of hers to keep it ‘fair’ (she got a slightly larger share because she cared for my grandfather for the last decade of his life and he changed his will a bit). He worked hard, but couldn’t make enough to support his family (and his wife refused to work because that was his responsibility). I’m with you: follow your dream, but only if and after you take care of your other responsibilities. I really don’t care if it’s not your passion, if you can’t pull your weight otherwise you have no right to do anything else.
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@Kelly I do agree with you, and I get that vibe too … but we don’t know the details of TSD’s situation. He may very well be bringing in enough to comfortably be able to enjoy all the time for personal development (and if there’s uneven household chores should they be divided by the number of hours spent working or the money brought in?). He does make the laundry detergent… Who are we to judge?
This year I’m being a sugar momma and supporting my husband’s passion, but he’s made a lot of sacrifices for my career too. We make these decisions as a team. We don’t know what’s going on in other people’s families.
Still, as a wife, the laundry thing sends chills down my spine. With cloth diapering there’s going to be even more laundry in the near future. If it were me in that situation he would have to step up more with the housework and schlepping or be able to pay for someone to take care of it. (Or at least cut time spent on chores by buying laundry detergent and using the dryer! The person who wants to save the planet/money might ought to take over the additional chore generated from that desire.) But, I have a lower tolerance threshold than many wives and have never put up with having to do more housework.
On average, (from time-use studies) wives do more chores than husbands, no matter the work situation in the household. There definitely should not be a double standard. If women home pursuing passions do more housework so should men, or alternatively if men don’t, women shouldn’t either.
(I’m willing to bet JD does his fair share of chores– Kris sounds pretty awesome.)
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I quit my job to follow my passion and just ended up with almost $100,000 in debt and counting….. With no job….
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Talent = the fact that I am very good at numbers and keep being told by my boss that I would make a great accountant.
Passion = figuring out at the age of 37 that I want to become a primary school teacher and applying to University to study part time online for the next eight years!
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Hi Everyone,
Thanks to JD for the outstanding review, and thanks to you guys for sharing your own stories. I would love to hear what you think about the book – please feel free to e-mail me anytime or send me a message via our New Job, New You Facebook group. Also, Get Rich Slowly is featured in the career change webinar that’s offered for free with book purchase. Check it out at http://www.newjobnewyou.com/webinar.html. Cheers to better careers in 2010!
Kind Regards,
Alexandra Levit
Author, New Job, New You
http://www.newjobnewyou.com
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Brandon,
As an engineering professor, I find it concerning when people think school will get them somewhere. While in computer science etc you can certainly find a good paying job, fact is the employers WILL hire people without it. I was talking to a CTO of a company just the other day who had a young man working for him who is in engineering school. The student is not doing well in school – but this guy STILL hired him and loves him. He did NOT hire him for the degree – he hired him to get results.
Check out the article at http://www.dalecallahan.com/how-to-conduct-a-reverse-interview-%E2%80%93-a-guaranteed-method-to-find-a-job/
and you will see some methods that REALLY work to break out of the set need to school.
Also, there are alternative degrees which do NOT require a bunch of backup work from the undergrad. We have a masters of engineering program which looks mostly for people with experience – no matter what their degree was in. We accept people based on resume and their personal goals – not their transcripts. So look around if you really want to do the degree thing.
Dale
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