Reader Story: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Moved in with Mom

Lizzie,

I really appreciate your story and the sacrifices you made. Congratulations! I think moving back in with your parents was a good idea and it’s nice that it wasn’t like becoming a 16 year old again. You saw the need for some drastic changes and you did it. Now you’re on the road to success! Let us know how you’re doing in the future.

- James

I am glad you got out of debt but I am missing a few facts in the story. How much debt did you have? How long did it take to get out of debt?

I always hate people our age that move back home to become lazy bums playing PS3 in their underwear drinking Coke all day. But what you did was smart AND temporary. You were in trouble, your parents helped you out, and you got back on your feet. This is truly admirable.

I don’t get along with my parents so I probably would not do that, but if I had to, they would take me in as well, as long as I got my stuff together.

Good Job.

It’s sad really how Americans started to view ‘living with parents’ as something only slackers do. I did it at 32 to start my own business, and it would have been impossible otherwise. I literally lived in their walk-in storage room for 18 months – I had already paid off my C cards and debt.

I comment you for doing something similar and for showing people how it can work.

I know people in Europe who think it’s natural for extended family to live together- even having buildings set up for children to live in the house after they are married and to raise kids. They see it as being a good family – it would be nice if Americans started thiniing the same -

Perhaps she uses the Banana Republic card for convenience and rewards, and pays it off every month. I wish the post had more detail on that, because Sam makes a good point.

Great post Lizzie! It’s great to hear from the 20 something crowd. I created my debt in my late 20′s and didn’t start a plan to get out of it until my late 30′s. My only regret is that I would have started saving right out of college. It can sound so boring to be responsible with your money but with how easy it is to create huge amounts of debt when your young its becoming imperative.

I’m glad your parents were there to help you out when you needed it and like other commenters have said, it’s nice to hear a story where someone didn’t take advantage of their parents’ generosity. Good for you!

I went to a college that was fairly close to home and moved back home after my first year. I commuted for another 2 1/2 years before graduating. I paid for my college education using scholarships and a part time job, but I doubt I would have been able to graduate debt free if I hadn’t lived at home during that time.

Hi Lizzie!

As a woman in my 20′s about to graduate from university in a couple of months all I can say is: I feel your pain sister!
Exactly a few days ago I’ve come to the realization how huge a change it will be and that I need to take extra-care of myself from now on, also financially. And that’s how I came around on this page. Started to educate myself, changed my bank, opened a savings account, looking for a second part-time job and for the first time and feel I am on my way to actually getting my stuff under control. You’re talking to a girl who’s never tracked her spendings or checked her bank statement at the end of the month!
Keep your fingers crossed, hope all works out fine. Just as it did with you. At the moment it’s all pretty exciting but somewhat scary.

Cheers from Poland!

I did the same thing! I was a victim of credit card companies acting as predators on college campuses and before I knew it I was $6000 in debt with credit cards, plus my $60k in students loans. I got a good job with a starting salary of $36k ( I thought I would be living pretty) and got my own apartment to rent. Once I started having to pay my loans back and pay credit cards and all the other living expenses I knew I was in trouble. I actually sought out nonprofit credit counseling because I really didn’t know what I was doing and needed help. A year later I gave up my apartment and finally confessed to my parents the amount of debt I was in and how upset I was about it. I convinced them to let me stay there for 6 months to save money. In that time I paid off my cards and saved $5k for grad school. That was the only way I could have done it.
I get really angry when I see, hear, and read stories about grads moving back in with parents because they blame the grads or assume laziness or excessive shopping or something. The reality is that I used credit cards for food and sometimes even to pay rent and utilities. I’m not proud of it but that coupled with the burden of student loans is the reality for most college grads now that have to survive and graduate without help from parents (which was my case). I really wasn’t educated at all about money from my parents, teachers, or counselors and just did what I was told, which resulted in enormous debt that I will be paying off for a long time. That is the norm now in our country and my friends and I commiserate monthly about good old Sallie Mae.
There are several books on this subject- why the 20 something now are “generation debt” because of the high cost of education, lack of affordable housing, low starting salaries, and massive student loan and credit card debt.
Sorry for the long post but as you can see this is an important issue for my peers and I today. Good for you for ignoring the stigma and doing what was necessary for financial freedom!!!

The more I read written by self-descirbed “20-somethings” online, the more I realize that, despite my age, I do not fit into that demographic, and haven’t since I was about 24.

Wish I could have had parents like yours. My dad wanted me out of the nest ASAP. Good for you for taking sensible steps and sharing the info here. I’m sure people of all ages are having to rely on family more with unemployment #’s being what they are.

I have to admit I totally understand why you were embarassed to move in with your parents after college because I can’t help but judge folks who take that spot.

But I think it’s so awesome that you started off with a plan and really stuck to it and now you’re in a position where you have options about what you want to do with yourself in the next few years. I’m impressed that you’ll be starting own business too, that’s one thing I’ve just never figured out how to do with my professional skills.

Hi Lizzie – I found your storie very inspiring. I work with a lot of other recent graduates who are just interested in moving out of their parents house without thinking about their long-term plans. I think you are off to a great start by not having debt, you can only do better from here.
I am curious about what kind of adminstrative side business you going to have?
Thanks for the post!

I am curious as to what your side business will be with administrative skills! How do you freelance that skill set?

Thanks for this story. It helped me realize that I’m actually doing something similar and it’s kind of a smart financial move. I left my low-paying social service “dream job” for an administrative assistant position with amazing benefits – including free tuition. When I leave this job, I’ll have a master’s degree that I can use to try to land another dream job and I’ll have all my undergrad debt paid off… and I won’t yet be 30.

Reading Lizzie’s similar story helped me realize this wasn’t such a crazy move, after all. Thanks, Lizzie – and congrats!

My fiance wants us to move in with his parents. I’d have to be facing death by starvation before I agreed to move in with either his parents or mine. I’m too independent for that.

Good for you that you were able to move in and move back out. I see too many people my age that live with their parents because being an adult is too hard. I see them as people that never really left the college mentality.

@Sarah #17, thank you for pointing out that it isn’t always irresponsibility that generates credit card debt. My boyfriend had quite a bit when we graduated because for various reasons his financial aid dropped off near the end and he ended up using it to pay his student fees and for the necessities, which can add up fast. He might have been able to get a private loan but didn’t really have the time to coordinate it, would have needed a cosigner, etc. He paid it off in less than two years by working and living frugally, just as he had done all through college.

Thank you for sharing this experience. I loved with my parents for 4 years, from age 24-28, and I too was embarrassed at first. But I’d been living and working abroad and, when I moved back, my converted-to-US-dollars-and-cost-of-living savings weren’t enough for a security deposit. I comforted myself with the realization that in Spain, where I’d been living, it was common for children to live at home until they married. In fact, in most countries multi-generational living is common. It made me reassess our cultural push towards individualism-at-all-costs and realize that starting level salaries of $36K in large cities are near-poverty level wages for those with even minimal debt. Family living helped me manage all that.

With a perspective shift, I used living with my parents an opportunity to pull my financial life together and also repair my relationship with my family (I’d initially been one of those “couldn’t live with my parents if they were the last people on earth” believers). I could take a lower level job and work my way up in a desired field – I could afford to “pay my dues” and therefore get ahead. I saved like crazy and now have a great emergency fund, a car without debt, retirement savings, and a baseline for success.

For the commenters asking how to manage these situations, I should be clear that it’s not for everyone: living at home was terrible for my brother who didn’t feel any pressure to really look for work until he moved out, but it worked for me. It helps that we set strict rules: I saved my “rent” each month (if I hadn’t done it myself, they would have required rent that THEY put into a savings account). I also cooked my own meals and did my own laundry – no relying on family for free home services. We also had to treat each other as roommates and with respect for each others’ living needs.

Thanks for sharing this experience. After moving out, living on my own, and trying to make it, I realized that no one wants to hire me, whether for a regular job or for freelancing, so I’m forced to move back in with my parents. Unfortunately my own relationship with my parents isn’t as strong as yours seems to be, so the next few months will be interesting.

Well done Lizzie….and thanks for sharing! I’m nearly double your age and can only dream that I had the same wakeup call all those years ago!! But, as the saying goes…better late than never. Good luck with your future endeavours Lizzie…I’m sure you will live a life worth living!

Good for you, Lizzie! I don’t think family helping family should be an embarassing thing. I had to move back home for four years when I was 30, with my toddler while recovering from a bad divorce. My parents never made me feel ashamed. My older brother moved back home for a couple years at the same time. We both had solid plans, paid rent and helped with all kinds of “chores”. It was quite bumpy at times, but it brought us all closer, got us back on our feet, and provided a wonderful foundation for my little girl. My mother died less than two years after I moved out, so I’m really glad we had that time together.

The comments are most interesting. I guess I’d channel J.D. and say ‘do what works for you.’ I don’t see any shame in moving back in with your parents so long as you’re working hard, have goals, and make good use of the assistance. I’m sure someday those parents will be needing assistance, too.

As someone who works as an executive assistant for a living, and has done so for the past decade, I was somewhat taken aback that Lizzie felt it necessary to explain that corporate administrative work does not include transporting children, cooking meals, or running a family. Of course it doesn’t. It’s a professional office job.

Perhaps she needed to explain that to the same judgmental individuals who went to college in the days that it was highly affordable, way back in the 50′s.

Having recently graduated college with some student loans, I’ll offer my opinion as to why things are as they are these days.

In high school, the constant chant you hear from all around is: “Go to college and have a good life!” All the while, you’re taking an economics class which teaches you supply and demand curves, but offers no practical advice on personal finance (such as this site offers). Don’t even get me started on all of the people who suggest you should “do what you love.”

You show up in college and there are countless different expenses to be accounted for. Generally, you’re encouraged to file for financial aid even if you have other plans. Ultimately, the siren song of student loans calls out to many students. After all, all of the experts say that one should treat college as a full-time job, and that spending too much time working outside of school could affect your studies. Plus, if you do great in school, the amazing job you’ll get after graduation will more than compensate for your student loan payments!

On top of that, there are incessant suggestions that you should major in something you enjoy, and not what will make lots of money. Rarely would you hear any practical advice on life (for example: to pick up a valuable skill that would help you get better jobs).

Then you graduate.

This is where hard reality sets in. Unfortunately, there are only so many jobs out there for English majors (or for many other majors as well). Among those jobs, very few pay enough to cover the massive debt amounts that many graduates have.

Of course people need to get a grip on reality. You can’t blame the financial institutions, nor the government, nor the colleges and universities. No one forces people into student loans (although the credit card companies did have some rather questionable practices). That said, the reality is rather harsh for many graduates out there. It was for me, graduating into one of the worst recessions in a long time. Despite graduating with a high GPA and summa cum laude honors from a top public university, the job prospects have been dismal at best.

I don’t expect anyone to save me from my situation. I’m just suggesting that we educate our youth a little better. In economics classes, we should take at least a little time to teach them basic personal finance. When encouraging them to get an education, we should inject some practical advice as well, such as suggesting that they pick up useful skills during their education. An English major is fine as long as they pick up a marketable skill along with it, such as proficiency in a foreign language.

I know this advice may seem trivial to some on this site. I know some of you (Tyler K) were born with a superior intellect and knowledge of everything. Despite this, I have noticed that a large number of people who come to this site tend to have similar stories (including J.D. himself). That story can be boiled down to this: “I was careless with my finances and wasn’t educated about finance.” So many people with the same story, and yet here we are, pushing generation after generation through college without teaching them basic, but important lessons that will last them their entire lives.

Kudos to you! I’ve done something similar and it really helped me build up and emergency fund and build up retirement savings. And I have an even closer bond with my family. Many parents are okay with this, especially more recent immigrant families (like mine). There’s no shame involved, whenever I felt bad I realized it was other people trying to make me feel bad.