Reader Story: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Moved in with Mom
Published on - February 7th, 2010 (by J.D. Roth) This guest post from Lizzie is part of a new feature here at Get Rich Slowly. Every Sunday will include a reader story (in the new “reader stories” category). Some will be general “how I did X” stories, and others will be examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success.
Confession time: I read Get Rich Slowly on a daily basis. Phew, that was easier than I thought! Two years ago the major confession would have been the balance on my credit cards. I found this blog about the time I was just starting my own personal finance journey. Like many new college grads, I was in major credit card debt with a salary that barely covered rent and food — not that I ever really tried living within its confines.
Before I paid off my credit cards, I worried needlessly about things that were out of my control. Oddly, they were not all related to money. I worried that my dad would have a heart attack (he’s in fine health). I worried that my bus would get me to work late (never happened). But the big worry was that people would learn how much debt I was in and think I was living a lie (which I was).
The wakeup my 23-year old self needed was realizing how much I disliked my current job. I was terrified of leaving, couldn’t imagine staying and felt stuck. Looking back, it’s easy to say the rest is history after that moment, but every single day of paying off my debt was a challenge. I needed drastic action in order to change the course of my financial life, and here’s what I did:
- I moved in with Mom and Dad. This was weird, embarrassing and uncomfortable at first. But I love my parents dearly and we learned to cohabitate in a way that didn’t make me feel 16 again. I spent 15 months saving on rent to pay off my credit cards.
- I took a high-paying administrative job. It’s not like I dreamed of graduating college to become an assistant, but I found a corporate assistant position (that did not require I transport kids, cook diner or manage a household for someone else) and now I get all the same gold-plated benefits as my bosses.
- I make a budget. I don’t do anything fancy. I prefer to use a post-it note and map out my spending plan for each of the next four weeks. Weekly budgeting is key for me since I’m paid every Friday.
- I use cash as often as possible. I do my best to keep spending money in cash form, a popular technique for those trying to spend less. It “hurts more” to use paper money than plastic debit or credit cards.
Now that I’m on stable footing again, I’ve resumed my life as a normal 20-something. I moved to an apartment that I share with two roommates. Together we can afford more apartment that anyone could separately and it works. I have let credit back in, by using my Banana Republic card in a way that maximizes my reward potential and lowers the cost of my work clothes. I don’t worry about my financial future anymore because I know I’ve learned some very powerful lessons.
The best part of paying off debt is that I can dream again. This fall I applied to graduate school. Next I’ll be starting a side business based on my administrative skills. Most importantly, I’ll continue to read Get Rich Slowly because I like being part of a community of people constantly working to better themselves!
Reminder: This is a story from one of your fellow readers. Please be nice. After nearly a decade of blogging, I have a thick skin, but it can be scary to put your story out in public for the first time. Remember that this guest author isn’t a professional writer, and is just learning about money like you are.
GRS is committed to helping our readers save and achieve your financial goals.Savings interest rates may be low, but that’s all the more reason to shop for the best rate.Find the highest savings interest rate from Ally Bank, Capital One 360, Everbank, and more.
This article is about Reader Stories
Disclaimer: This content is not provided or commissioned by American Express. Opinions expressed here are author's alone, not those of American Express, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by American Express. This site may be compensated through American Express Affiliate Program.
Discover is a paid advertiser of this site. Reasonable efforts are made to maintain accurate information. See the Discover online credit card application for full terms and conditions on offers and rewards.
SEARCH FOR RECENT ARTICLES
In my country, it’s not unusual to see kids living with their parents. Like in my family’s case, all the unmarried children still live at home. Once they get married, they move out to their own homes.
loading....
I love that you also use the post it note version of budgeting… I always write down my planned spending/bills and due dates on a post it note in my checkbook… I have never missed a payment this way!
How lovely of your parents to let you move back… appreciate them from all those of us who wish we could but who instead help out our parents financially.
loading....
I am currently looking for a place to buy, but I have to move out of my rental property by the end of February. If I don’t find a place my parents have offered to have me move back to their place until I do.
They won’t accept any money for rent (we have already discussed it) but I will be paying for my own food and my share of the utilities.
Also, because I currently do nothing else besides save money, I enjoy cable television, I will be arranging for them to have cable television installed and we split the cost of that too.
We have all agreed on all of these conditions and I appreciate the help they are giving me.
Of course I could find a property in the next few days and not have to move back with them. But the property market is so high at the moment and it is definitely not a buyers market here. Prices keep going up and up and up and places are only on the market for less than a week and they’re snapped up for much more than the reserve price.
It is quite disheartening.
S
loading....
@Sarah — I was much in the same situation you were after college, with $6K in credit card debt and $45K in loans. This is the thing: a lot of people don’t get how college has changed for this generation!
I took the advice of the school counselors and of the adults in my life, which was stay in school WHATEVER THE COST. Nobody suggested a year at a community college, or taking a year off to work and save, because of “statistics.” My college roommate, who had the same situation with no $$ from family, did take a year off, and then came back and graduated with $20K in loans — less than half of what I spent. But, everyone thought she wouldn’t finish college because she did that, as if the ONLY way is 4 years at the same school.
Well, let me tell you, I stayed in school, only to find my English/Philosophy major (without a teaching certificate) wasn’t exactly the road to wealth and fame, AND I had to pay off all those loans! I have been out of college for 11 years and I still have $34K yet to pay. So those counseling sessions, where the adult said, “Do what you love” and “Sign for the loan on the dotted line” were a real disservice to me.
I was finally able to go back to graduate school because my husband works at a university, so my graduate degree was FREE. But, I’m only finally able to get a decent salary now at 34 years old, which puts me ten years behind everyone else.
Young people don’t always make mistakes just because they’re young and dumb and don’t follow sound advice. For a lot of people without family support, the advice of a college counselor or a friend’s parent can be important, and that advice isn’t always sound (which is, of course, why I read GRS!).
loading....
Congratulations on this. Who cares if you’ve moved back in with your parents, at least you’re sorting your financial life. Well done!
loading....
well i hope things turn out better for you in the future. In a rocky market, I suggest going with municipal bonds from my client Assured Guaranty to assure safety in an uncertain market.
loading....
Regarding #14 and Sally #20. I currently live in Poland (Hi Agata) and have observed these things.
(I’m an American who has lived here now for 15 years.)
1. Living with your parents is often overrated.
2. For those longing for it, they are often men–not women. The conflicts exist of “who is going to clean up the kitchen”, or differing standards of “what’s clean” can eat up a woman…esp. if she stays home with the kids and has to deal with MIL or mom. The man may be completely oblivious.
3. It works best when everyone has their own space, including in/out doors and kitchens and bathrooms (as in apartment).
4. I think it does delay taking responsibility. I see people who live with their mom and dad who don’t cook, buy groceries, etc. They use their money to have fun or buy expensive clothes or to buy a new car. It will be a shock when mom and dad die and they have to take over the costs of paying the bills. (I call it being an adult.) Many of these young people can afford nice vacations (to Egypt, Greece, etc.) because they don’t have to spend their money on the basics.
5. I don’t think it is impossible. It can work. It is just hard to have 2 families under one roof–if you want to actually be the ‘head of the family’. What we see is that when the younger couple lives with mom and dad, they aren’t really “their own family”. If they were to decide to change churches, invite certain people over for dinner, etc, there would be severe problems.
6. My neighbor said she’d rather live in a hut with no working bathroom (which is what she has) than ever move in again again with her MIL who has a nice big house. I admire her!
7. Adult women can get really tired of feeding and doing the laundry for their 27 year old sons! I’ve seen it “up close and personal”. (a friend of mine) Even if they choose to help and cook at home, she has to constantly think about the fact that they are there, make sure there is food, etc. The guys just haven’t moved out yet. Of course, she has a younger one at home as well.
Anyway, overall, Lizzie..you did great in getting your bills paid off and on to making your dreams come true.
I just wanted to say that “living with mom and dad as a permanent thing” isn’t something everyone does–even in Poland. Most younger people/couples these days want their own apartments…
loading....
Wow, the differences in all of us, My step-mom wants nothing more than for all of us to move back home after college. Save and then leave when we can buy a house of our own or get married and buy a house of our own. Funny thing is none of us want to go home and take advantage of her cooking, laundry, cleaning our rooms etc. I am in a post-divorce situation myself and the thought hasn’t even occured to me to go back home even though I could. I think its unfair to judge someone that does go back home due to hardship.
loading....
I fell into the “move out right after college” trap, and racked up credit card debt from a combination of low pay/high loans and expenses/ and lack of self-control with discretionary spending. By 27 I was trying to get my financial situation under control, and my fiancee suggested we start saving for a house. To make this happen we moved into the in-law suite at my grandparents’ house. This was a great situation for us – my family would not accept the rent we offered and the somewhat separate quarters kept us from being in each others’ way. We were extremely appreciative and made every effort to be respectful and helpful. We purchased our own fridge from Craigslist to maintain separate food supplies, cooked dinner for the whole family once or twice a week (whenever we could convince Grandmom to let us!), and did all of the home and yard maintenance that was needed.
We ended up living there for exactly 12 months, and moved from there into our newly purchased home. We used the rent-free time we spent there to pay off our debt and save a decent-sized down payment for our new home. We never could have accomplished so much financially without the help of our family, and that thought informed our every interaction with them. The experience also gave us the invaluable gift of time with my grandparents, which we consider ourselves lucky to have had.
loading....
There’s a big difference between moving back home with the parents to get your feet back and mooching. In Lizzie’s case, she realized that she needed to rewind her life and get it back from the credit card company, but had a plan to leave when she could. That’s great, and a great illustration of how families help each other in tough times.
What I’ve seen in many other cases are people who live at home, the reason being “to save money”. Then they proceed to take expensive vacations, drive luxury cars and go out a lot and still run up the credit card. They also tend to have jobs that can more than pay rent and/or allow them to save. This kind of “parent-supplied welfare” doesn’t really help anyone in the long run.
loading....
Lizzie,
Great story! Very inspirational. Thanks for sharing it with us. It was great to see you put that plan together, and to actively and responsibly tackle your financial goals.
Aileen
loading....
*I was a victim of credit card companies acting as predators on college campuses and before I knew it I was $6000 in debt with credit cards*
Victim? Please. You signed the line and spent their money.
loading....
So all I have to do to get out of debt is to live with mommy and daddy and take a crappy job that I don’t actually like? Why didn’t someone tell me that years ago?! Sounds like fun.
I’m sick of people encouraging 20-somethings to live at home and take a job they don’t enjoy in order to get out of debt. Why can’t we be encouraged to be responsible on our own and strive for a job that both makes money and brings happiness?
Why is everyone so positive about this post? It sounds like Lizzie wasn’t held responsible for getting herself into debt–her ability to pay off debt wasn’t based on her self-discipline but based on the charity of her parents. They might have just given her $6000 to pay off her debt.
loading....
Maybe it’s because my parents wouldn’t allow cohabitation without marriage, but it was expected for me to move back home after college graduation. My husband did the same. As soon as we had stable employment and a nest egg, we got married and moved out.
loading....
@Marie – How did your parents ‘not allow cohabitation’ when you’re an adult? You could have left anytime you wanted to, no?
loading....
Very timely post!
I graduated in 2007, then spent a year in grad school. After that, I moved back to my home state and back in with Mom and Dad.
I’ve been there for a year and a half, and I’m going to be moving out in less than a month. While living with M&D, I’ve been working a job I dislike with a a 34k salary. I finally got a job in my field that pays almost double, and I’m going to be moving to a new state where I’ll finally have a place of my own.
To be completely frank, I hate living with my parents. (I love my parents, just detest living with them). It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been able to save up a lot of money since the rent I pay them is a fraction of what I’d pay for my own place in this area. My grandfather also lives with us, and four adults living in a smaller-than-the-US-average house hasn’t been a joyride.
So even though I didn’t particularly enjoy living with my parents, I’m glad I was able to save up so much money. And it will make having my own place all the better.
Also, I’m probably an exception in this regard (because I come from a very strict family): In my family, you are EXPECTED to live back at home after college. Unmarried children are expected to live with their parents until they get married. In my family, it feels like they view a 23-year-old married person as more of an adult than a 35-year-old unmarried person. (In other words: Marie @ #64, I feel your pain.)
It bothers me that people look negatively at 20-somethings who live with their parents; but at the same time, I see where they’re coming from since there are a lot of them who DO mooch off their parents and blow their money on luxuries instead of saving it. In my defense, I’ve saved a large sum of money while living at home, I’ve had to pay my own car insurance since I got my license at 17, my mom certainly doesn’t do my laundry, and I’ve never bought a purse that costs over $20!
loading....
@Lizzie — Congratulations! I think it’s great that you have such a strong relationship with your parents and that you guys were able to make lemonade out of lemons together. Your last paragraph in particular – about dreaming again – made me smile. Best of luck in grad school and all your upcoming adventures!
@JSKF #63 —
“…I’m sick of people encouraging 20-somethings to live at home and take a job they don’t enjoy in order to get out of debt….Why is everyone so positive about this post?…”
Lizzie isn’t encouraging other 20-somethings to do exactly what she did. She’s not saying “here’s what you should do too.” She’s simply sharing her experience, what she did, why she did it, and why it worked for her. If that inspires someone else, then that’s great! But I didn’t see anywhere in her post where she’s pushing for others to do the same.
As for why people are positive in the comments, why wouldn’t they be? She successfully managed to get out of debt, has developed healthy spending/budgeting/credit habits that work for her, and she’s able to dream again. All that sounds pretty darn positive and great to me.
Maybe it’s not the approach you would take, but it was her approach and it worked for her. And really, isn’t that what successful personal finance is all about?
loading....
My 40 year old son lives with me in the basement after his divorce. It works for us. He has his own bath, bedroom and living room. I do not spend my time checking out what he is doing. He helps somewhat with bills. The best part of this is having someone to share life with. A little hello goes a long way. I do not expect hime to have parties or overnight guests. (Sometimes he has but as long as he doesn’t bother me…I don’t care. Kind of don’t ask.don’t tell but with ladies). I have my own life and don’t intend to run his. My grandchildren are here two nights a week and every other weekend. It helps us to hold the family together. I do think alot of people (including the court system) do not understand the beauty of this situation. It may not work for everyone but it does for us.
loading....
Not much comment here on the costs to parents, in money, convenience and in lost privacy. My offspring always know that a room is available whenever they decide it’s the best idea – no questions asked, 3-month trial period, then a candid discussion about what’s next.
My own experience: I loved my parents, but my dad had strong views about the place of women and the futility of educating future housewives. He also had strong views about pre-marital sex (perhaps colored by the fact that my patents married in haste.) When I left home, in the 60′s, intent on a career and a single – but not celibate – life, I was determined to “show him.” And although I made many, many financial mistakes, my determination never to show weakness served me well in the development of persistence and self-reliance.
So i never moved back home to solve my financial problems. I can see that I might be a lot better off financially today if i had. We all grow and learn in our own ways.
loading....
I came here from the Simple Dollar, and usually I don’t follow his links to other sites, but your clever title made me laugh, so I had to come over here and check it out
Nice reference, good story, congrats!
loading....
I lived with my parents throughout school. After I finished graduate school (in 1956) and got a good job, my parents wanted me to live with them. (There was quite a bit of co-dependency there.) I didn’t spend much and was able to max out my 403b retirement plan and save more besides. My mother didn’t insist that I help with the cooking; in fact she discouraged it. She didn’t want to teach me to cook; she said that if any woman I married knew that I could cook, I would end up doing all the cooking.
In 1959 my father died and I continued to live with my mother. In 1963 I bought a small house for us and was able to pay cash.
In 1975 my mother died. Shortly after I persuaded a nice woman I knew to move in with me, shortly after that we got married, and we still are. She was unable to have children, which is the way I wanted it.
In 1985 I was laid off from my job. I was emotionally and financially ready to retire, so we did. A couple of years later, I moved us from a Chicago suburb to an Atlanta suburb because I was sick and tired of those Chicago winters. The sale proceeds from our Chicago house were enough to get us a larger house in Atlanta.
Now we are getting upwards of 100K/yr from a joint life annuity and Social Security. We can easily afford three cruises a year. My main concern now is to stay alive and healthy as long as possible to enjoy it.
loading....
Obviously, I think that the smartest thing a person can do is that which gets them ahead financially (all other things being equal.) The objection I have to this arrangement is when most of the people vying for entry-level jobs only need to make enough money to pay for credit card and student loan payments (not rent, utilities and food) then they are able to accept much much lower wages to get their foot in the door. As I am someone who does not have the option of living with family, I need to insist I get paid at least $30K to clear my bills, student loans payments, and buy groceries. I work in IT and see a lot of helpdesk and IT technicians accepting $10-12 an hour because all their needs are paid for by someone else — this drives down wages for entry-level workers! While I realize that most people living with family are still going to try to make as much as possible starting out, it is very different when it’s a matter of survival. The way we do (or did) things here in America — aiming to be independent right after college — is the only option for many people all over the world.
Living on your own does not teach you how to be an adult — continuing to handle things on your own even after crises does.
loading....