Living on your own does not teach you how to be an adult — continuing to handle things on your own even after crises does.

In 1959 my father died and I continued to live with my mother. In 1963 I bought a small house for us and was able to pay cash.

In 1975 my mother died. Shortly after I persuaded a nice woman I knew to move in with me, shortly after that we got married, and we still are. She was unable to have children, which is the way I wanted it.

In 1985 I was laid off from my job. I was emotionally and financially ready to retire, so we did. A couple of years later, I moved us from a Chicago suburb to an Atlanta suburb because I was sick and tired of those Chicago winters. The sale proceeds from our Chicago house were enough to get us a larger house in Atlanta.

Now we are getting upwards of 100K/yr from a joint life annuity and Social Security. We can easily afford three cruises a year. My main concern now is to stay alive and healthy as long as possible to enjoy it.

Nice reference, good story, congrats!

My own experience: I loved my parents, but my dad had strong views about the place of women and the futility of educating future housewives. He also had strong views about pre-marital sex (perhaps colored by the fact that my patents married in haste.) When I left home, in the 60′s, intent on a career and a single – but not celibate – life, I was determined to “show him.” And although I made many, many financial mistakes, my determination never to show weakness served me well in the development of persistence and self-reliance.

So i never moved back home to solve my financial problems. I can see that I might be a lot better off financially today if i had. We all grow and learn in our own ways.

@JSKF #63 —
“…I’m sick of people encouraging 20-somethings to live at home and take a job they don’t enjoy in order to get out of debt….Why is everyone so positive about this post?…”

Lizzie isn’t encouraging other 20-somethings to do exactly what she did. She’s not saying “here’s what you should do too.” She’s simply sharing her experience, what she did, why she did it, and why it worked for her. If that inspires someone else, then that’s great! But I didn’t see anywhere in her post where she’s pushing for others to do the same.

As for why people are positive in the comments, why wouldn’t they be? She successfully managed to get out of debt, has developed healthy spending/budgeting/credit habits that work for her, and she’s able to dream again. All that sounds pretty darn positive and great to me.

Maybe it’s not the approach you would take, but it was her approach and it worked for her. And really, isn’t that what successful personal finance is all about?

I graduated in 2007, then spent a year in grad school. After that, I moved back to my home state and back in with Mom and Dad.

I’ve been there for a year and a half, and I’m going to be moving out in less than a month. While living with M&D, I’ve been working a job I dislike with a a 34k salary. I finally got a job in my field that pays almost double, and I’m going to be moving to a new state where I’ll finally have a place of my own.

To be completely frank, I hate living with my parents. (I love my parents, just detest living with them). It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been able to save up a lot of money since the rent I pay them is a fraction of what I’d pay for my own place in this area. My grandfather also lives with us, and four adults living in a smaller-than-the-US-average house hasn’t been a joyride.

So even though I didn’t particularly enjoy living with my parents, I’m glad I was able to save up so much money. And it will make having my own place all the better.

Also, I’m probably an exception in this regard (because I come from a very strict family): In my family, you are EXPECTED to live back at home after college. Unmarried children are expected to live with their parents until they get married. In my family, it feels like they view a 23-year-old married person as more of an adult than a 35-year-old unmarried person. (In other words: Marie @ #64, I feel your pain.)

It bothers me that people look negatively at 20-somethings who live with their parents; but at the same time, I see where they’re coming from since there are a lot of them who DO mooch off their parents and blow their money on luxuries instead of saving it. In my defense, I’ve saved a large sum of money while living at home, I’ve had to pay my own car insurance since I got my license at 17, my mom certainly doesn’t do my laundry, and I’ve never bought a purse that costs over $20!

I’m sick of people encouraging 20-somethings to live at home and take a job they don’t enjoy in order to get out of debt. Why can’t we be encouraged to be responsible on our own and strive for a job that both makes money and brings happiness?

Why is everyone so positive about this post? It sounds like Lizzie wasn’t held responsible for getting herself into debt–her ability to pay off debt wasn’t based on her self-discipline but based on the charity of her parents. They might have just given her $6000 to pay off her debt.

Victim? Please. You signed the line and spent their money.

Great story! Very inspirational. Thanks for sharing it with us. It was great to see you put that plan together, and to actively and responsibly tackle your financial goals.

Aileen

What I’ve seen in many other cases are people who live at home, the reason being “to save money”. Then they proceed to take expensive vacations, drive luxury cars and go out a lot and still run up the credit card. They also tend to have jobs that can more than pay rent and/or allow them to save. This kind of “parent-supplied welfare” doesn’t really help anyone in the long run.

We ended up living there for exactly 12 months, and moved from there into our newly purchased home. We used the rent-free time we spent there to pay off our debt and save a decent-sized down payment for our new home. We never could have accomplished so much financially without the help of our family, and that thought informed our every interaction with them. The experience also gave us the invaluable gift of time with my grandparents, which we consider ourselves lucky to have had.

1. Living with your parents is often overrated.

2. For those longing for it, they are often men–not women. The conflicts exist of “who is going to clean up the kitchen”, or differing standards of “what’s clean” can eat up a woman…esp. if she stays home with the kids and has to deal with MIL or mom. The man may be completely oblivious.

3. It works best when everyone has their own space, including in/out doors and kitchens and bathrooms (as in apartment).

4. I think it does delay taking responsibility. I see people who live with their mom and dad who don’t cook, buy groceries, etc. They use their money to have fun or buy expensive clothes or to buy a new car. It will be a shock when mom and dad die and they have to take over the costs of paying the bills. (I call it being an adult.) Many of these young people can afford nice vacations (to Egypt, Greece, etc.) because they don’t have to spend their money on the basics.

5. I don’t think it is impossible. It can work. It is just hard to have 2 families under one roof–if you want to actually be the ‘head of the family’. What we see is that when the younger couple lives with mom and dad, they aren’t really “their own family”. If they were to decide to change churches, invite certain people over for dinner, etc, there would be severe problems.

6. My neighbor said she’d rather live in a hut with no working bathroom (which is what she has) than ever move in again again with her MIL who has a nice big house. I admire her!

7. Adult women can get really tired of feeding and doing the laundry for their 27 year old sons! I’ve seen it “up close and personal”. (a friend of mine) Even if they choose to help and cook at home, she has to constantly think about the fact that they are there, make sure there is food, etc. The guys just haven’t moved out yet. Of course, she has a younger one at home as well.

Anyway, overall, Lizzie..you did great in getting your bills paid off and on to making your dreams come true.

I just wanted to say that “living with mom and dad as a permanent thing” isn’t something everyone does–even in Poland. Most younger people/couples these days want their own apartments…

I took the advice of the school counselors and of the adults in my life, which was stay in school WHATEVER THE COST. Nobody suggested a year at a community college, or taking a year off to work and save, because of “statistics.” My college roommate, who had the same situation with no $$ from family, did take a year off, and then came back and graduated with $20K in loans — less than half of what I spent. But, everyone thought she wouldn’t finish college because she did that, as if the ONLY way is 4 years at the same school.

Well, let me tell you, I stayed in school, only to find my English/Philosophy major (without a teaching certificate) wasn’t exactly the road to wealth and fame, AND I had to pay off all those loans! I have been out of college for 11 years and I still have $34K yet to pay. So those counseling sessions, where the adult said, “Do what you love” and “Sign for the loan on the dotted line” were a real disservice to me.

I was finally able to go back to graduate school because my husband works at a university, so my graduate degree was FREE. But, I’m only finally able to get a decent salary now at 34 years old, which puts me ten years behind everyone else.

Young people don’t always make mistakes just because they’re young and dumb and don’t follow sound advice. For a lot of people without family support, the advice of a college counselor or a friend’s parent can be important, and that advice isn’t always sound (which is, of course, why I read GRS!).

They won’t accept any money for rent (we have already discussed it) but I will be paying for my own food and my share of the utilities.

Also, because I currently do nothing else besides save money, I enjoy cable television, I will be arranging for them to have cable television installed and we split the cost of that too.

We have all agreed on all of these conditions and I appreciate the help they are giving me.

Of course I could find a property in the next few days and not have to move back with them. But the property market is so high at the moment and it is definitely not a buyers market here. Prices keep going up and up and up and places are only on the market for less than a week and they’re snapped up for much more than the reserve price.

It is quite disheartening.

S

Kudos to the author for moving back in for a good reason, getting things straightened out, and moving on with her life!

Congrats Lizzie!

In high school, the constant chant you hear from all around is: “Go to college and have a good life!” All the while, you’re taking an economics class which teaches you supply and demand curves, but offers no practical advice on personal finance (such as this site offers). Don’t even get me started on all of the people who suggest you should “do what you love.”

You show up in college and there are countless different expenses to be accounted for. Generally, you’re encouraged to file for financial aid even if you have other plans. Ultimately, the siren song of student loans calls out to many students. After all, all of the experts say that one should treat college as a full-time job, and that spending too much time working outside of school could affect your studies. Plus, if you do great in school, the amazing job you’ll get after graduation will more than compensate for your student loan payments!

On top of that, there are incessant suggestions that you should major in something you enjoy, and not what will make lots of money. Rarely would you hear any practical advice on life (for example: to pick up a valuable skill that would help you get better jobs).

Then you graduate.

This is where hard reality sets in. Unfortunately, there are only so many jobs out there for English majors (or for many other majors as well). Among those jobs, very few pay enough to cover the massive debt amounts that many graduates have.

Of course people need to get a grip on reality. You can’t blame the financial institutions, nor the government, nor the colleges and universities. No one forces people into student loans (although the credit card companies did have some rather questionable practices). That said, the reality is rather harsh for many graduates out there. It was for me, graduating into one of the worst recessions in a long time. Despite graduating with a high GPA and summa cum laude honors from a top public university, the job prospects have been dismal at best.

I don’t expect anyone to save me from my situation. I’m just suggesting that we educate our youth a little better. In economics classes, we should take at least a little time to teach them basic personal finance. When encouraging them to get an education, we should inject some practical advice as well, such as suggesting that they pick up useful skills during their education. An English major is fine as long as they pick up a marketable skill along with it, such as proficiency in a foreign language.

I know this advice may seem trivial to some on this site. I know some of you (Tyler K) were born with a superior intellect and knowledge of everything. Despite this, I have noticed that a large number of people who come to this site tend to have similar stories (including J.D. himself). That story can be boiled down to this: “I was careless with my finances and wasn’t educated about finance.” So many people with the same story, and yet here we are, pushing generation after generation through college without teaching them basic, but important lessons that will last them their entire lives.

As someone who works as an executive assistant for a living, and has done so for the past decade, I was somewhat taken aback that Lizzie felt it necessary to explain that corporate administrative work does not include transporting children, cooking meals, or running a family. Of course it doesn’t. It’s a professional office job.

Perhaps she needed to explain that to the same judgmental individuals who went to college in the days that it was highly affordable, way back in the 50′s.

*Did they WANT Lizzie to move back in…or did they agree because they loved her, and knew she had nowhere else to go?

*And who covered the increased $$ the folks had to pay for utilities, food and such? Lizzie, did you pay RENT? (I am amazed that very, very few of the posts here even mention this word.)

If you’re going to move back in with other family members, bear in mind that someone else is sacrificing so you can do just that — and use the magic words THANK YOU.

And some regular contributions – rent, effort, etc. – wouldn’t hurt, either. (Yay, Mary, on comment #43, for suggesting it!)

From the parents’ angle, it’s not always just the $$ — it’s the discipline that the money represents. The daughter of old friends lived with us one summer, while saving money and working for the Renaissance Fair. (Her parents were missionaries in Hungary.) We didn’t need the bucks, but we did want her to take us seriously. So we charged her rent, banked the money, then gave it back when she moved out. She was surprised and pleased at the extra nest egg.