From Whole Foods to Food Stamps
Published on - February 25th, 2010 (Modified on - March 12th, 2010) (by Sierra Black) This post is from new staff writer Sierra Black. Sierra writes about frugality, sustainable living, and getting her kids to eat kale at Childwild.com.
The recession has hit families where they live. For many, it’s forced a change of address. Think about all those foreclosed homes and urban deserts: One in every 400 homes received a foreclosure notice last year. Unemployment is approaching 10%. Some families no longer have a place to call home at all.
That’s the situation for Jamie Alden (not her real name), a single mom of four kids who found herself caught up in a series of recession nightmares that have left her homeless and jobless, but not hopeless. She’s chronicling her adventures on The Boxcar Kids, where she writes with painful frankness about trying to find a job, help her kids thrive at school and keep her family together while living in a small travel trailer with her children.
The Boxcar Kids
Alden is a far cry from the stereotypical homeless person. A professional with a master’s degree in anthropology, Alden had a career for over a decade in environmental science. She relocated to California after a doctor recommended the warmer, drier climate would help one of her children, who has a chronic illness.
Like a lot of relocating families, Alden accepted a job in her new city before she’d sold her house. So she rented it out, and rented a place near her new job.
Then the economy tanked. Her renters defaulted, and she used most of her savings going through expensive legal ordeals to evict them. She was left with a damaged home that she could not find new tenants for. Unable to make the mortgage payments and pay rent on her new home, she lost the house to foreclosure.
Meanwhile, her company started layoffs. “California has a little budget problem,” she says sardonically. “We couldn’t work on any of our contracts.” She survived the first two rounds, but eventually her lack of seniority put her under the axe. As soon as he found out she’d lost her job, her landlord asked her to move out. “He knew I wouldn’t be able to pay the rent,” she says.
Throughout the summer, Alden and her kids found themselves living in state parks in second-hand tents. She used free hotel stays she’d accumulated over years of business travel to buy them an occasional night of warm beds and hot showers.
Now they have a 26-foot RV they call home. The school district considers them homeless, but Alden doesn’t. Homeless, she says, was when they lived in a tent and had to move every week. This is comparative luxury.
Alden named her blog after a series of popular early 20th century children’s books about four kids who live a scrappy, happy life in a boxcar after their parents die, until they are rescued by a kindly, rich grandparent. There’s no rich grandparent to rescue Alden and her kids from their boxcar. Instead, Alden is learning to navigate a maze of social services and getting creative about frugality in ways most of us have never considered.
She’s not alone. Many formerly middle-class families have found themselves at least temporarily without a home to call their own. Foreclosures were filed against 2.8 million properties in 2009, while apartment vacancies are also at a 30-year high water mark. A lot of people are just not living in houses these days.
Where are they going? Many are staying with family or friends. Some are in shelters. Others are what Alden calls “alternatively housed” in RVs, camper vans, anything with a roof.
The best defense is a good offense
Alden’s story, and the many others like it are a scary wake-up call for me. My own family is not so far from the precipice these folks fell off of.
We own a home, but don’t have a lot of equity in it. We have a small emergency fund, but not enough to get us through even one month of normal living expenses. I’ve been putting all our money into debt repayment, not building up capital. We have some retirement funds that are still pretty hung over from the financial collapse in 2008.
In other words, we’re a lot like many middle-class families: comfortable enough day-to-day, but not secure enough to withstand a major disaster. Time to make an emergency plan: Not just an emergency fund, but a plan that goes beyond bank and savings accounts. Here’s what I came up with:
- Be prepared.This means building up more of an emergency fund. Experts argue over how many months expenses you should put by, but no one seems to think less than 3 months is safe.
- Be frugal. Living simply now means having fewer adjustments to make in the event of a financial catastrophe. Not only can you pay off debts and build up savings faster, but you’re already living below your means. If the means suddenly shrink, you have a smaller gap to cover to make ends meet.
- Be organized. Know your net worth, and keep tabs on all your accounts. When we were moving last year, I discovered a stock fund I’d forgotten I had. Those forgotten assets matter if your income dries out.
- Protect your credit. Keep credit accounts open and in good standing. In general, running up credit card bills is Bad Plan Theater. If your plastic is what’s standing between you and homelessness, reconsider your position. If you expect to be able to resolve your financial crisis within six months, charging some expenses might be a better plan than tapping retirement accounts.
- Know your options. Do you have friends and family you could stay with in a housing crisis? Another career you could transition into if you had to? Valuable Stuff you could sell?
- Be ready to learn. If you find yourself in a financial crisis, you’ll be running a maze of social services at a time when you’re likely to be exhausted and stressed. Being on top of the organizational and financial strategies I mentioned above will not only make you less likely to need these services, it’ll make you better prepared if you do.
If you’re partnered, it’s probably a good idea to talk over a family disaster plan with your better half. You know, before you’re living in an actual disaster. These conversations always go better when they’re hypothetical.
Making an emergency plan was a bit like making a will; we had to think about what would happen to our kids, our stuff and our estate should we suddenly be unable to care for it. It was no fun, I hope to never need it, but I’m glad to have done it. For more tips on emergency planning, check out Philip Brewer’s article on Wise Bread.
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Jamie Alden has posted a response on her website.
She says that she didn’t give birth to any of her children, but she helped them out of the terrible living situations they were in.
So to answer some of you posters, condoms would not have prevented this for her and there is no dad to track down.
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To those of you wondering “where’s the father?”, the boxcarkids blog has a post in response : http://theboxcarkids.wordpress.com/2010/02/25/achieving-dubious-fame/
From what I can tell, she adopted the children. Not much more information than that, but I don’t think that the biological parents are present in these kids lives.
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I’m in Belize on a slow slow slow connection so cannot leave a long enough comment to vent my ire at David (#16). What an ignorant comment, one worthy of digg or YouTube or usatoday, not get rich slowly. There’s a reason the wall street journal praised the commenters here and that’s because they’re insightfl and thoughtful, not assholes. If I were moderating comments right now, david’s ignorance wouldn’t have made it through. If you want to criticize the story, criticize the story, but don’t be a dick.
Okay. Back to the peace and quiet of the jungle (which is never really quiet — it’s filled wig birds and bugs and beasts!)
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@ Becky #11 and David #16……..You’re both idiots.
This is a story about someones real experiences and a reminder of reality, not a cry for charity and handouts.
We hail “The Greatest Generation” in America as being responsible for many of the comforts in society we enjoy today (or did enjoy). Yet, many of them grew up in poverty during the depression. This experience didn’t debilitate them, it built in them a sense of resolve and responsibility that has been forgotten by so many.
I agree with Tyler K. It is the view of others and the classifications of society that define “poverty,” not our actual income. In history books we hail and romanticize people who took their few possessions and ventured to new areas for opportunity and promise. We read their stories with a longing for their American spirit. Today we pity and criticize the same notions as irresponsible, because they don’t fit our template of normal or average.
Great writing Sierra. Keep up the good work.
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>>Sad situation. Once again I am left with the question of whether it’s better to pay off debt or have a larger emergency fund.
I would allocate some money towards paying the debt by using the debt snowball method, but my main focus would be on building a decent emergency fund. Hey, if you lose your job and worse comes to worst, you might have to ask your creditors to take a hike because utilities and food come first. So you need to make sure you can cover the basic necessities (shelter and food) first.
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Thanks for the post. Unfortunately there are many people in her situation right now. I feel fortunate for the way my life is now… but perhaps it’s my fear of being in her shoes that I continue to work toward financial independence. Of course, nothing is for certain.
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@ Tyler Karaszewski #35 – “If you live in an RV for mobility and frugality reasons, people will congratulate you on your creative alternative lifestyle, and your ability to avoid lifestyle inflation. If you live in an RV because you lost your job it’s a catastrophe?”
Yes. That’s how it works, since different people have different likes and dislikes and abilities.
If you end up in a situation you can’t easily get out of that you didn’t choose and actively dislike, then yes, it’s a bad thing, even if there are other people that think it sounds awesome and/or fun.
It’s one thing to choose to live a certain way, it’s another to be forced to.
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Wow – I am SHOCKED at some of the replies – about birth control and having children. Seriously? SHAME ON YOU – she ADOPTED the kids she has.
Instead of casting judgment, why not go and donate $10 to this woman? The boxcar website is: http://theboxcarkids.wordpress.com/
Go ahead – I dare you – miss your lunch today and give her $5 to feed her kids.
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This post is directed at #42 and #43.
I strongly disagree that America has anything CLOSE to approaching a wide or broad social safety net. The official unemployment rate is about 10%. That’s just the people who can collect benefits. Another 10% of the working age population just doesn’t qualify, bringing the actual unemployment rate to more like 18-20%. So half the people are getting no unemployment help at all. That’s my families’ situation, so there ya go. And if I lost my job, I wouldn’t qualify either. There are all sorts of exemptions from the rule.
Add in 15% of the population uninsured and the highest child poverty rate of any developed nation, and I simply don’t know how one can claim the US has a broad social safety net.
The most comprehensive part would be access to food stamps and WIC. It does seem like most people who are out of work can get those.
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I agree with Shara that a lot of the people who are one step away from disaster have only themselves to blame. This story is a little different, because it sounds like the family was doing okay prior to the move. However, a lot of the people who are in danger of losing their home either bought a bigger house than they could afford with little or no down payment, or refinanced their mortgage to borrow and spend all of the equity they had built up.
It used to be that people saved during the good times to smooth out the bad times. Over the last generation people have been borrowing during the good times to live beyond their means, and when the bad times came they not only had no cushion but were already deep in debt. On the one hand, you don’t want to be insensitive when somebody falls on hard times. But on the other hand, a lot of them are the same people who not so long ago were proudly showing off their massive houses, remodeled kitchens, wide screen TVs and brand new luxury SUVs. It’s the parable of the grasshopper and the ant on an international scale.
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I have to agree with Tyler here, living in an RV doesn’t seem that bad to me. I don’t choose to do it now, but if forced to I bet my family could make it work.
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@58
We have food stamps, WIC, section 8 (and other housing assistance), medicaid, welfare, and a dozen other programs I can’t think of off the top of my head. And those are just the government programs. Granted, most of these are bureaucratic messes and aimed at the lowest common denominator of people who are perpetually not working, but having walked my sister in law through some of these and watched plenty of others I knew as a kid go through them I can tell you there are a lot of programs out there.
But I never SAID America has a wide and broad social safety net. I said the programs we have in place are going bankrupt along with plenty of other government programs. Good intentions don’t keep the lights on. Most states are facing huge budget shortfalls. And I said that we have to be careful pulling on the working in time of recession to fund more government programs because it takes money out of the private market in a downward cycle. This can be seen in places in Europe that DO have a wide and broad social safety net. Remember the Paris riots a couple years ago? They have a HUGE social safety net and part of the cost is corresponding HUGE unemployment, especially among young men.
Regarding insurance: if you truly cannot afford to care for your family you cannot be turned away from any emergency room in the country. But I suggest dropping that point before this devolves into a debate on health insurance. I doubt JD would appreciate the brawl that such a political discussion would bring.
But ultimately my point was a cautionary one of calling for someone to ‘do something!’. Sometimes the medicine is worse than the disease. Everything has trade-offs, and for every legitimate family living in a trailer there is at least one deadbeat that simply doesn’t want to work.
And ultimately, and I am not saying unemployment is a bad thing, but think about it. Unemployment is paying people to stay at home and do nothing productive. No matter how good our intentions how long can we afford to do that? It is intended to be a stopgap, but when there are no jobs and it goes on and on and on, can we as a society afford that? I’m not talking about what’s good or bad, but what’s possible and feasible. I do what I can for those I know who are out of work, and I am NOT calling the unemployed deadbeats. But they are, by definition, a financial drain on the working.
We have a social safety net because we can afford it and as a society have decided it was a good thing, but when can we no longer afford it? When is it pulling us back instead of propping us up? I’m not saying we have reached that point, but it is a point that can be reached and I don’t know how many people realize that. We can shrink the pie back to when there was no retirement, or unemployment, or welfare.
Sometimes you need to bitch and moan and be mad at whatever is in your way, be it a bad boss, or a mid-term, or foreclosure, or whatever. But then you need to put on your big boy/girl pants and dust yourself off. Reality is cruel, more to some than others. Suck it up, and do your best, and keep trying or lay down and bury yourself and let the next poor guy step up.
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Wow, this one was fairly controversial! A well written post though…welcome Sierra
While some of the posters angered people (even JD was a bit ticked), I think they all have valid points, even if their posts were not worded very constructively.
This woman’s situation sucks, but I have to say, she put herself in it in various ways. It’s not wise to rely solely on a company that gets most of their work from government contracts (definitely when that government entity is California!). Staying in a place where there’s no work for you isn’t a great plan either. Being a single Mom is tough…being a single Mom with 4 kids is tougher, but adopting 4 kids and not having a solid support network is…well…
I wish her the best of luck, and I hope she takes something from the common themes of this site (and the Boy Scouts as well)…be prepared!
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This story was very poignant. All it takes is one or two wrong decisions to have the fabric of your life ripped out from under you. We are a nation without safety nets; remember, we should pull ourselves up by our bootstraps!
I grew up with a chronically ill father (heart problems due to childhood rheumatic fever)back in the 60′s and 70′s. He was in the electronics industry, specifically customer service. There were two times I can remember that he came home on a Friday to announce he had been laid off. He was quite stoic, while my mother was not! On Monday he hit the pavement to search for a job. Both times he had one by the next Friday. He never collected unemployment. We never had food stamps. He died when I was a junior in high school and we collected Social Security survivor benefits.
I shudder to think of how my father (and my family) would have survived in this economy. There is far less compassion for the chronically ill, customer service jobs are nil and to pick up a job in a week is unheard of.
I gladly pay my taxes and then more through charitable giving based on my experiences as a child.
My heart goes out to Ms. Alden
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Yes, #16 is a douche but..I tend to agree on a point.
It is great for her to adopt, not enough people are doing this don’t get me wrong, but really this does come down to logistics and foward thinking from her being overrode by emotion and sacrifice (even though admirable) verging on the border of martyrdom.
Just think, 4 kids.
People should know in this day and age that we have no or little kind of social net here in the U.S., two-person wage earners are almost required even for a smaller family, there is no such thing as a solid career anymore like in the past and people are way more migratory and change jobs/careers at the drop a hat, most of the time to their detriment.
I can totally see 2 kids, maybe even 3 if they are the most rock solid financials, strong extended family, two solid wage earners in the nuclear family, but 4 is really, really, pushing it in my opinion.
Did she honestly think she could support that many if her situation became dire? She doesn’t have a strong extended family network, she’s working at a job that is very transitory. It looks like she didn’t think this through.
It’s just funny that most of the time when people make financial mistakes, other people are harsh (most of the time rightly) on them but..whoa, when a child is also involved, even obliquely, suddenly it seems they get a free pass or all is forgiven.
Again, admirable for adopting, but IMO, if she thought this through and wanted to give all of those kids a better life, she could of adopted fewer and had the others find as good as families to be loved while at the same time be on much better solid footing to protect her own.
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Shara– unemployment runs out for a reason. The US purposefully gives high benefits for a relatively short period of time (longer during severe down-turns when it is harder to get a job) specifically to reduce the moral hazard problems in countries that have lower benefits over longer periods of time. TANF was complete revamped under Clinton to remove a lot of the moral hazard problems as well. Benefits do run out. It’s simplistic to say it’s having benefits or not having benefits– the design of the benefits is critical for their effects on labor supply and long-term labor force participation. We’re not going to turn into France, even if we expand a few government programs.
And yes, there’s always going to be a trade off between encouraging deadbeats and helping the truly needy, but we’re not doing so badly for most of our programs.
(If you want to take issue with a program– disability is a good one.)
I still think this article is a good reminder to donate to food pantries. If a few formerly upper class people get to keep their luxury SUVs because of those donations, that’s a small price to pay for the truly hungry down on their luck and not yet into a government system.
On another note– the woman in the example wasn’t just hit with a job loss, it was a job loss on top of a cross-country move, being unable to sell a house, being messed up by a renter, and losing a rental. Many responsible people would not insure for all of those eventualities. Moving is expensive. Job loss or being unable to sell/rent sure, but not all of the above. If you do get that much bad luck all at once, maybe you deserve a little extra help.
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This is an excellent time to re-read John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath. It’s like reading today’s news stories. Taking place in the Depression, it addresses sudden homelessness, poverty and the need to keep the family together at whatever cost. The Joad Family in the book were encouraged to move to jobs in California, and met with cruelty, were shunned, were cast out, threatened with brutality and starving to death. There were 2 million of them who came to California in just a few years, refugees in their own country. Yes, fellow Anglo Americans who were forced into terrible circumstances by economic and environmental disasters beyond their control.
My take on this woman’s story is that she is showing tremendous courage and grace and keeping perhaps the one semblance of Family these children have, doing the best she can. You don’t know the circumstances for her taking on these little children and you should be part of the Village it takes to help her. Pay it Forward, people. In these circumstances, could you do as well as she is in using her intelligence and grace to keep these children from harm? I think she’s doing the very best job she can under these circumstances. Who is the fool that would see this as some la la land vacation in an RV? Who ARE you,in your heart?
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@ Nicole
I agree with you, I was simply making some general and specific points. I think as a concept unemployment insurance is a fair one, but a lot of people don’t seem to think about where the resources for government distribution programs comes from and the effect it can have on a dynamic system. Unemployment is paid for by the employed. People look at a system like Social Security, and we all know it’s unsustainable, but we don’t want to face the options: lower benefits, higher taxes, or both. The options suck, but welcome to reality. I wasn’t saying we will turn into France. I was using them to illustrate a point about devoting resources to social programs and the effect that has had on their growth and employment.
As far as government programs, of the people I have known on assistance I would say 25% were good people who appreciated the hand-up and 75% were deadbeats, though that may simply be a reflection of the individuals I am familiar with (I hope it doesn’t reflect on me, lol). I have a lot better experience with people who partake of private social programs (like food banks as you suggested). They seem to be run more locally and do better at keeping out the fraudsters.
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I feel sympathetic for this woman – her situation now and her kindness in adopting these children. Still I have to ask, why doesn’t she have a job? I don’t mean a career worthy of her education, skills, and experience, I mean a job. I can understand that she wouldn’t want the probable humiliation of working for minimum wage in retail or food service considering where she was formerly, but doesn’t she not really have a choice anymore? At $7 an hour or $0 an hour, I would think a mother with four kids to feed would make the tough choice.
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I read a few pages worth of that woman’s blog. To answer Samantha at #68 (note, just answer, not give an opinion) – her unemploement benefits are $1800/months. A job she had kind of gotten invited for an interview (a couple of them, as I understood) offered pay just a tad lower than that. A job is a job, better than none and would allow her to stick around there (may be) and move up/lateral (hopefully). At the same time, to start that job, she would need to put her kids into after-school programs and summer camps once summer is here (from her blog). That would eat half of that salary, while unemployed she is “stay at home mom”. So, she really needs a job (per her description) with a pay 50% more than benefits.
I don’t know how she came around to adopt those kids – I must read some more, although it seemed a=I had hit the very beginning already. May be I missed it. I don’t know how old her kids are. Or why she has no family support (for example, I am a foreigner who’s got my own kids here, underaged, an ex-husband and a husband. No family for support. And since I am not from a prosperous country, my folks there are not much help, although they often try). I also just lost a condo (paid a short-sale difference), moved across the country (to get married), stayed unemployed (with benefits) for 3 months and luckily started a job 4 months ago. I am also in a process of loosing a house to foreclosure that I left to my ex – my name was never removed from mortgage.
Why the story? As an immigrant who always relied only on myself, even with being married all my adult life, I fear greatly situations like that. Those 3 months were the longest I ever was without a job. I did apply for “anything and anywhere”, but until my qualified position opened (biomedical research), nobody bothered to contact me from all those resume websites.
One thing for sure – she is an amazing writer. I would probably suggest to write a life-story in a meantime and try and sell it. It’s a long shot, but it might work.
In a meantime – I hope this exposure would help her financially to float for a bit. And I hope school would consider free after-school for those barely making it, then may be she can take that low-paid job.
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Hi Olga #69. I had thought that might be the case, that she was making more on benefits than she could in a low-paying/low-starting salary job. Thanks for looking into it, I guess I didn’t get that far in the blog.
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I really want to have some compassion. But it’s hard after reading this woman’s blog. She spends a lot of time reading, writing, etc. She complains about how it’s impossible to have your own business. She complains that it’s impossible to make money off of eBay.
I know several stay-at-home moms (me included) who have careers from home, or who eBay and make $1K a month or more, etc., etc.
She has a lot of excuses. Instead of sitting around writing, reading and feeling sorry for herself, perhaps she should turn off the blog and get to work doing something for her family. Surely she has a marketable skill. And anyone can eBay.
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To everyone who gasped about living in an RV…guess what! It isn’t bad! I did so for the past 2 years in Florida. I had a very nice lower-end RV, thank you. I bought it used and cheap, because my situation was a bit odd (I couldn’t get an apartment, but I could get a used RV).
There was plenty of room, it was clean and nice, and it kept the rain off (once I patched the one or two small leaks).
Not a bad way to live. I prefer an apartment or house, but RV’s aren’t bad, and plenty of people live in them and enjoy it. (I’ve since sold the RV and moved out of Florida tho, due to the rate jobs were disappearing there…I couldn’t find work.)
So yeah, this woman and her children don’t have it too bad in an RV. It sure beats living in a tent (like they previously had to!) I hope her situation improves even more, soon.
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Oh, the ignorant comments that can be made by ignorant people. It’s pretty sad when you jump to conclusions. I have “known” this woman for year via various internet groups. Far from failing to use condoms, this woman with her huge and loving heart, gave homes to four orphan children who otherwise would have grown up not knowing the love of a mother or a family. Many strong, smart women choose to do this and thank God they do.
As far as foster care goes, I recently read an article that said that as many as 1 in 4 children in foster care are sexually abused. That’s probably low.
Her story saddens me. She deserves our support not our criticism.
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For those that think her kids will be better off in foster care, you may be under the illusion that they would be placed with a family who will watch over them until mom is on her feet. Sadly foster families are scarce and many if not most kids, depending upon where in the US they are, end up in group homes, which are often just warehouses for kids. I’m talking houses with 10, 12 kids sleeping on mattresses, little to no supervision, older kids sometimes abusing the younger kids physically or sexually. There are a few foster kids in group homes in the school where I volunteer and all of them do their best to be away from their homes as much as possible because of the chaos and danger.
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For those of you who think that she should be looking for ‘real’ work: I think you are missing the irony of posting those comments on a blog that is the way that JD makes his living.
That blog may not have started out as a way for her to add to her family’s finances (nor did this blog to my understanding), but it certainly has become that.
To another oft raised point:
As a single mother of my biological daughter let me assure you that even knowing who her father is – and not having adopted her with no father in the picture – it isn’t as easy as “go get money from the father”. What if the father has also lost his job and is on some kind of benefit? Or is living in a shelter or is just a deadbeat who – as some of my friend’s exs have done – will choose to quit a job as soon as the state or his ex-wife finds out where he is working to make sure *that woman and those brats* don’t get HIS money. Not all fathers are GOOD fathers who care about the welfare of thier children. Would that they were.
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What a great dialogue! J.D., you rock!
I encourage anyone who hasn’t already done so to check out Jamie’s blog. She is a captivating writer and gracious in her sharing. What is happening to her can happen to anyone and judgment by anyone is simply inappropriate. Thank you, Sierra, for your courage in posting this story. I, for one, will continue to follow Jamie’s blog and do what I can to help her. Imagine what the world would be like if we all just did what we could. Amazing, I imagine.
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Wow! That’s about all I can say.
Also, pissing away money today just cuz you’ve got it to piss away, could have serious consequences in the future.
I’m not saying save it all for a rainy day, but a little discretion never hurt.
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Great story, it’s this kind of writing that makes me read every day.
I checked out her boxcarkids blog after reading this and it is a good read. I saw that she’s got an ’03 Fleetwood trailer with a slider. For those that don’t know much about travel trailers, this is a pretty good one. Think of it more as a small vacation cottage. Not that she is on vacation…
While Sierra’s story did a great job of illustrating just how easy one can go from middle class to out on the street, I really admired this woman’s resiliancy. Living in tents was obviously rock bottom for her and her family, but she persevered and now has moved up to a decent trailer and keeps on going. I wonder how many of us GRS readers would do as well.
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@Adam – Someone else already pointed out that foster care isn’t necessarily stable or safe, and there aren’t enough foster families to take care of the children currently in the system. I’d like to point out that it sounds like she adopted her children from the foster care system. If that is the case, then odds are her children spent the first years of their lives in unstable, possibly abusive siutations. It probably took her a while to make them feel safe, that they could trust her, and that being her children was permanent. Putting them back into foster care would be emotionally and psychologically devastating for them. Having been abused/neglected/abandoned once, her putting them in foster care now would feel as if they were being abandoned again. The first time was bad enough. A second time would be a huge betrayal.
And, even if she adopted them as infants/toddlers, that doesn’t mean they didn’t feel some sort of emotional trauma from being in foster care, or having been in an abusive situation before foster care. There are still emotional effects from such things even if you experience them at a very young age. There’s a lot of emotinal development that goes on for an infant, and separation from the birht family, even if it’s for the best of the child, can cause issues with abandonment, trust, and self worth later on.
@JLA – I agree that people should try to have only as many children as they can afford, but that doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. I know a couple who adopted a girl, and then wanted to adopt a second. They were plannig on adopting only one child in the second adoption. But, they were asked to adopt a brother/sister pair who were in desperate need of a permanent home. They adopted them. So instead of having two children they now have three. That may have been the case here.
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Very good story, Sierra!
I ended up checking out The Box Car kids blog and reading every entry. She is a very eloquent and honest writer. My prayers to her and her family.
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1. If you don’t think the foster care system is good- then join up and make it better. The reason that so many children in foster care have the “sexual abuse” label is because they often ENTER foster care because of such abuse. I have several foster kids in my classes right now and all of their foster families are pretty neat. Now their biological families, (which the courts are so determined to reunite the children to) they are not so great.
2. Homeless children are cared for by schools all of the time. We have have showers and food (an clothing when we know it is needed). Many schools have great volunteer organizations that work with them providing backpacks of food home when the teachers see the need. We make sure they have transportation. The best thing she CAN do is go the “homeless’ route- the kids are better off with that label as long as she can keep in one place where the schools can get involved.
3. I often wonder what the parents of children who declare the no one should have children think….was it a mistake that they were born?
4. I have witnessed many children of adversity turn out to be pretty great citizens—Obama’s story is one of those.
5. I lived in a tent almost every summer growing up- at camp.
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just checked back to see if there was any response to my comment…pretty weak not to publish it, but publish some of that other hateful tripe about the boxcarkids blog lady…
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A scary story, very well done, Sierra. It reminds us how close to the edge so many people are living.
If depended on too long, emergency funds will eventually evaporate. So they’ve got to be big, big! And even if people have socked away plenty of dough in their nest eggs, that too can vanish in a second, a story that I’ll be writing about on my blog next week.
I also think kids living in a tent with a loving, caring parent are a million times better off than kids placed in foster homes, where the motivation for being foster parents can sometimes be based on monetary gain.
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@b-bo (#83)
It’s not “lame” that your first comment (#18) wasn’t published until just now; it was one of several that was held in moderation by the person who handled the blog while I was in Belize. He didn’t know my policy regarding this sort of thing, so he held onto it until I returned. I’m back now, and I’ve published your comment.
Many of your criticisms are valid. Some are not (an SEO link exchange post? WTF? this is nothing of the sort).
Yes, it’s true that Get Rich Slowly has moved from a single-author format to a multi-author format. It’s unfortunate that this doesn’t please you, but it’s simply the way it’s going to be in the future. If that bugs you, this isn’t the right blog for you. It has nothing to do with being some sort of covert business model or (again) a means of link exchanges; it has everything to do with me being able to provide content to readers on a regular basis. Without the staff writers and guest authors, there’d only be one or two posts a week here, and they’d all be from me — and I’m not in a very intersting place in my personal finance journey right now.
Sierra’s new to Get Rich Slowly. You may not enjoy her style, and you make think this piece is facile, but she’ll learn the audience soon enough. She’s an excellent writer.
I’m sad that you feel the quality at GRS has declined, but I undestand completely if you feel you have to move on. You’ve provided some excellent comments in the past, b-bo, and I’m sure you’ll be a great part of the community wherever you decide to contribute.
p.s. B-bo, I would have e-mailed you directly from Belize, but you don’t use a real e-mail address when you comment.
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I want to respond to those who may think I am not aware of excellent foster families. They exist, they are amazing. The issue is that in many parts of the country there are just too many foster children compared to the number of foster parents. The economy has exacerbated this problem. There are also some good group homes, but sadly I’ve seen some pretty terrible ones too. This is the result of supply and demand; when there are so many children in need and few providers standards fall. What are social services organizations to do, snap their fingers and conjure up good foster families?
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The title throws me off for a bit. No one should be eating at Whole Foods up here in Boston in the first place. It is an outrageous rip-off and will also leave you high and dry. Everything there costs more than an additional dollar somewhere else.
We’re fortunate to also have Trader Joe’s – some people call it the poor man’s Whole Foods. I personally find that their selection is not only more reasonably priced, but of a much higher quality.
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This was a good post and it reflects what a lot of people are going through right now. But how is living in an RV considered homeless? That is a home. It has walls, a roof, plumbing, electricty and a kitchen. Are people that spoiled in our country that this wouldn’t be considered a home? I don’t understand that mentality.
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You are so right. I had the misfortune of being instructed by my employer to conduct many layoffs over the last year and a half. It was hard enough to give the news, but not as hard to receive it I am sure.
No matter how the news was delivered many of these people told me by their reaction they had no plan in place…even though so many of us saw this coming.
Sounds dark, but as an employee in the current economy, you need to expect bad news and plan now while you are still working.
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I agree with Becca (#88). I known friends when I was young that lived in either RV’s or in a trailer park and they had pretty decent set ups and felt like loving homes. For contrast, I also knew friends who lived in pretty trashed houses in much worst condition. Just because something is on wheels or is portable does not mean it’s always inferior.
A roof over you’re head with the needed utilities in America is much better than more than half the world’s populations housing.
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A few days later, I wanted to say this article keeps sticking in my mind. Great work, Sierra Black! I’m really glad you’re on the GRS staff now.
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Hi, I’ve read this blog for about a year and a half now but i’ve never commented.
I cannot believe the nerve of some of the people who commented on here, yes everyone has the right to an opinion BUT people WHERE is your COMPASSION???
It saddens me that people could be out there and be so heartless.
As for the people saying they are glad they never had kids because they’re money drainers all I can say to you is I’m glad your never had kids either because frankly you don’t deserve them, it takes someone special to raise and care for a child and to give them all the love and attention they need and deserve, it truly takes an AMAZING person to take on children that isn’t theirs in the first place.
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You honestly think it’s heartless to critique someone about her mistakes and maybe they or others could learn from them?
Almost all of us never said she was a bad person, or she deserves what she is in right now. Most of it was out of her control, couldn’t be helped and she is doing the best she can.
Your last comment… I see ABSOLUTELY no comment on this thread that kids are money drainers. Nowhere. Do a search on this thread , stop being so defensive and putting words into people’s mouths with run-on sentences.
And no..it doesn’t take someone special to have and raise a child. There are 4-5 billion examples (and counting) to the contrary.
I DO agree it takes someone to raise a child with love and affection properly, and separates the “wheat from the chaff” with the rest of humanity.
I also agree that it takes a special person to raise a family where the kids were not biologically their own.
But please, don’t try to over-defend someone when people are just stating critiques that could not only help this person but give ourselves some lessons on what to do with our lives.
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@Jay, you said: For those of you who think that she should be looking for ‘real’ work: I think you are missing the irony of posting those comments on a blog that is the way that JD makes his living.
There is no irony. I am very aware that many people make their living off of a blog. But when you have four kids to feed, there is not time to develop a reasonable income stream off a blog as a full-time job – and do NOTHING else.
Example: I’m trying to start a second business right now that I would someday like to be my only business. It doesn’t have an income stream yet. No matter how uncomfortable and difficult it may be, I’m working on that business nights and weekends – but continuing my primary business to pay the bills.
No, it’s not fun. But it’s the responsible thing to do if one wishes to pay bills, take care of children, etc.
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@Lesley: I didn’t, and don’t suggest that blogging be her only source of income. But you did tell her not to blog and to do something for her family. But blogging IS “doing something for her family”. In fact it is doing two things for her family:
It is providing some – even if minimal – extra income. It is also providing an emotional outlet for someone who is feeling very trapped right now. It is reaching out for contact. IMO that is just as valid as the next dollar. I know I can’t parent well when I feel unsupported, and sometimes find blogging feeds that need even if it doesn’t satisfy it in the way real life contact with friends and family does.
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@Jay, sorry, I just don’t agree.
Sure, spend some time at night or in spare moments to work on the blog. But this is an emergency. That means pounding the pavement for work and finding ways to make money for the family – NOW. Those are ways to find human contact as well. And they provide real, hard income in the moment, as well as realistic future income streams.
Pie-in-the-sky dreams should be worked on in “extra” time – not “instead of” jobs that make income now.
And I guess what put me off most was the comment about spending time reading. Really? I have two kids, I’m a work-at-home mom. My husband has an income, and I have a business. Plus we’re trying to start another business.
Since I’m attempting to start my “dream” business up, I am forgoing time for luxuries like reading the stack of novels on my bedside table. And I’m not struggling to feed my kids.
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@JLA I wasn’t saying it was heartless to critique someone, that comment was aimed at the people who were saying she shouldn’t have had kids or used condoms #11 and #16, it just seemed abit like that to me.
Money drainers wasn’t the words used, so yes I did put it into my own words.
I did come off as defensive and I apologise.
My point about it taking someone special to raise and care for a child was I believe it does take someone special to do it right and to have a good impact on a child, I didn’t mean that it takes someone special to make a baby,anyone can do that.
Lastly I would also just like to say thank
you for posting what you did because it honesty made me think about what I wrote and I can understand everything you said and it was valid.
So thank you JLA and I hope you have a Great Day
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@Lesley, you are free to disagree with me, as I am free to disagree with you.
I’m glad that your current arrangement works for you. But I KNOW that I need a creative outlet, and contact with people in a non-work way to be a good parent, and a good worker.
I to have had my years where I gave those up to “concentrate” on my work – as I am sure that this lady has. You don’t get an MA without a significant amount of work. BUT those years were not good for my family. If I had known then what I know now I would have had made a few minutes of “down time” to recharge myself so I could meet the challenges the next day would bring. I would have been a better parent and worker if I had.
And once I learned what they were doing to us I started making a little bit of me time a priority. It doesn’t have to be hours – just minutes – every day. I highly doubt that this lady is spending the amount of time on it that JD spends on his highly researched articles. She is writing about what is happening to her right now. No research required.
I’m sure that this represents is her “down time” that she needs to recharge for tomorrows battle – AND she is making money at it. Well done in my eyes!
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At age 45 we were in the position to either invest a large lump sum or retire our mortgage. Although we were lifelong investors, this time we decided to retire our mortgage, which was our only debt. Now 5 years later, after my wife almost being RIF’d from her large corporate employer of almost 30 years and my business still in startup, I am so glad that we did. It is a great feeling. We took out a 1.9%, 36-month auto loan in 2008. I decided to pay it off after 18 months. Once you get a taste of being out of debt, it is hard to go back.
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Her story is far more complicated than this interview or the Salon piece showed. First, she lived in California before, in a condo, then move to Colorado (and got in over her head with a 5 bedroom house with a $4100 a month mortgage. She says that she moved back to CA for her son’s health, but also hints that she and her family were “too different” for the small Colorado town. She claims that she didn’t screen her renter and didn’t even have a SSN for the renter, so she couldn’t sue him. (That’s just nuts, IMHO.)
I think there’s lots more to this story.
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