Ask the Readers: How Do You Figure the Calculus of Kids?
Published on - March 12th, 2010 (by J.D. Roth) I keep intending to retain “ask the readers” as a regular Friday feature — and I keep failing. You folks send me tons of great questions, and I’d love to share more of them. This week, for example, Lisa wrote with the following.
“Having kids has made spending choices much more emotional and complex,” she says. “You can’t always calculate a return on investment.” Here’s her predicament:
My husband and I are looking to purchase a home in our new city, but we’re having trouble deciding where our values, finances, and priorities intersect.
We have young children, one who will start public school this year. We’re considering buying a home in a modest neighborhood so we could have a house/car replacement fund available, rather than taking all of the down payment money and putting it in a “better” house. The schools in the neighborhood are solid, but not the best in the district. If we buy in this smaller, less fancy area, we can choose a 15-year mortgage, minimize our overall house expenses, and have more money for all of life’s priorities. But, it feels like we’re “cheaping out” on the kids.
To compound our “analysis paralysis”, we lost a fair amount of equity when we had to sell our house to transfer out of state, so we’re feeling less than enamored with the idea of putting money that is currently liquid into a building that isn’t guaranteed to hold its value, much less appreciate. (We have no car/consumer debt, and we have a comfortable emergency fund.)
I think our family might feel more comfortable in a more modest neighborhood with more coupon-clipping parents and kids who don’t have the latest and greatest, but I also want my children to have a great education. Have other parents faced this battle, doing what’s best for the overall budget vs. doing what’s expected for our kids? We’d love to hear how it worked out for you.
I love questions like this. They’re a clear demonstration that personal finance isn’t only about the numbers; it involves a complex calculus of math, emotions, and dreams.
Most of the time, I can offer suggestions when people ask these sorts of questions. But when it comes to kids, I’m at a loss. Kris and I have chosen to remain childfree, and as a result, I’ve never had to wrestle with these sorts of sticky issues.
From a non-parent perspective, I admit that the obsession over which school a kid will attend seems…well, I don’t know how to put it in words that won’t make people angry. But I’ve watched friends and family go through mental and financial gyrations to get their kids into the right pre-schools, which boggles my mind. I’m a firm believer that education is more about the child than it is about the school. If a kid has been taught to love and value learning, she can thrive almost anywhere.
In other words, I’d urge Lisa to make her decision based on finances and not the school district. This may mean she needs to take a more active role in fostering her children’s intellectual curiosity, but that’s a good thing all the way around. But what do I know? As I say, I don’t have kids, and I don’t know what it’s like to actually face this decision. It’s one thing to say it and another to live it.
So, what do you parents say? How do you judge the trade-off between expenses and education? Is it worth paying more to live in a good school district? How does one make this sort of decision?
GRS is committed to helping our readers save and achieve your financial goals.Savings interest rates may be low, but that’s all the more reason to shop for the best rate.Find the highest savings interest rate from Ally Bank, Capital One 360, Everbank, and more.
This article is about Ask the Readers, Choices, Education, Kids
Disclaimer: This content is not provided or commissioned by American Express. Opinions expressed here are author's alone, not those of American Express, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by American Express. This site may be compensated through American Express Affiliate Program.
Discover is a paid advertiser of this site. Reasonable efforts are made to maintain accurate information. See the Discover online credit card application for full terms and conditions on offers and rewards.
SEARCH FOR RECENT ARTICLES
I actually worked through the math on this years ago and found that you be ahead paying as much as $100,000 more for a house if it meant your kids could go to public school, rather than private. The numbers are even more dramatic now because the cost of private schooling has risen so much.
That said, if you wouldn’t be tempted to pull your kids out of the local public schools to pay for a private education, having parents who are calm and not financially stressed is worth a lot.
loading....
As a fairly young person having just graduated from university, I can tell you that without a shadow of a doubt, take the money and run. The money you save can go to education that matters later in life. I went to less than stellar county schools rather than “better” city schools and I can tell you that my debt free university education has been so much more beneficial than any difference in my elementary and high school options.
Also, the real difference in education is at home anyway. If you leave all the teaching to the school, no matter where it is, you are setting your kid up to be nothing more than average. On the other hand if you encourage learning independent of the classroom, your child will excel.
loading....
“If a kid has been taught to love and value learning, she can thrive almost anywhere.”
True up to a point. As kids get older, what their peers think and value become more important than what their parents think and value.
The entire package: neighborhood, schools, teachers, other parents, becomes very important. Values shared should be examined. A wealthier neighborhood may share some very shallow values; a solid middle-class (anywhere in middle-class) neighborhood may share some very healthy ones.
loading....
Go for the best school district you can afford to be in. Afford is the kicker, though. We are in a suburban area with many stellar school districts adjacent to one another, so we really couldn’t go wrong. We live in the most affordable for us of the 3 school districts we had to choose from, in a modest home. We love our school and neighborhood and wouldn’t trade a higher end home in a blah school district for our experiences here and the fantastic education our elementary school age sons receive.
As long as the schools are rock solid, I’d go for the school and neighborhood where you fit in best in terms of your family’s interest, values and affluence. Your children’s classmates and friends and peers and you friends, too, will draw from there and you will be the most comfortable. What makes a great school isn’t so much the bells and whistles or statospheric test scores, but active and involved parents, caring and enthusiastic teachers, and a place that feels alive and vibrant with learning. Even in a great school, there can be dud teachers, a bad fit with your kid, classroom chemistry that is bad with certain kids, etc.
loading....
I was present once when someone posed this question to a prominent education researcher (David Berliner). Berliner said this: within certain limits, it doesn’t matter where you send your kids to school. The research, he said, indicates that the school itself only has a small effect (say, 10-15%) on the overall achievement of a child. Outside factors like family, genetics, and work ethic were more significant.
The one exception, he said, were the 50-100 or so “worst of the worst” schools in America, the urban hell-holes that you hear about in the news. Beyond that, he said, school had no influence. Berliner even cited his own kids — one of whom went to a private elite school and one of whom went to a rural public school — and noted that, if anything, the son at the rural school seemed to have better academic achievement and was ultimately more driven and successful. Food for thought.
loading....
When my parents divorced my mom moved us to the school system she graduated from. I went there for HS. It was a US top 100 school in a fancy, but the lower of the fancy areas. My bother and sister went to a similar school in a more expensive area. I was more prepared for college (all three of us went to large research institutions and studied science/engineering) than either of them, and their HS was supposed to be better. Wealth and money doesn’t make education, what your child puts into it and what they value does.
loading....
Im a french canadian so please be nice with my English. I wish to understand why there seems to be such a difference in schools quality from one area to another is there no standard testing that keeps preschool, grade school, and high school at an equal level like up here. Do you believe that having such a variation in education is in the best interest of the United states citizens. Is this the reason why US education world rankings is not number one in the world. Question would you sacrifice the cost spent of private school towards more tax and not have to worry about where you buy a house because the education is the same in every area.
Merci.
loading....
There’s no guarantee that the “better” school district will be a good fit for your kids. And if you buy the more expensive house and then find that the schools there aren’t a good fit, you’re stuck with a too-big mortgage and no other educational options for your kids because you can’t afford to do anything but send them to the local public schools. Take it from someone who learned the hard way. We started in a modest-priced neighborhood in a not-so-hot school district. When the local public school wasn’t working for our kids, we looked to the fancy suburban school district as the answer. We took the plunge and bought more house than we could afford. Imagine our frustration when we found that the schools there weren’t a good fit for our kids, either. In fact, in many ways, they were far worse. We discovered that “good school system” translated only to “better at drilling kids for standardized tests.” We wanted much more for our kids. We also found the kids (and families) there to be cookie-cutter — all upper middle-class, all obsessed with money and status and getting ahead (i.e., not frugal-minded!).
In the end, we were lucky. We sold our house at a small profit, moved to a cheaper area, and now homeschool our children. That has turned out to be the best fit for them, and they are flourishing in ways they never did in public school (both academically and socially). But we sold our house right before the real estate market tanked. I wouldn’t count on being able to do that now, obviously.
My advice? Go with your instincts. Go where you feel you’d be most comfortable. Go where you’ll have more options if the local public schools don’t turn out to be a good fit. Your kids won’t be missing out on anything, especially if mom and dad are there for them and don’t have the stress of a too-big mortgage on their shoulders. That’s what counts most in a kid’s education: mom and dad. And use some of the money you save on your mortgage to personalize your kids’ education and support their outside interests. That support will help them more to find their path in life than anything a “good” public school system could do. Good luck to you!
loading....
This is one of my super pet peeves. As an electrical engineer I work with some really smart, gifted people, who lose their brains when it comes to their kids education. They get all wound up about the latest ‘magnet’ school, or the newest ‘charter’ school and how their child is going to get the ‘absolute best’ education now. As a product of public school (yes I went ot my state University too) I think that being in an elementary school that exposes you to kids from all backgrounds is HUGELY beneficial for later in life. I also think that I don’t want my kids to be in the school where the other kids have too much disposable income. My high school was the ‘poor’ high school in our district. One great illustration on the difference. The bathrooms in my high school smelled like cigarettes, at the ‘better’ school with all the dispposable income – it smelled like pot. We were surounded by kids who shared our interests and financial abilities, and my parents were able to manage our college years pretty well. We still had loans but that was more by choice than neccesity. I’m a firm believer that at some point everything reaches diminishing returns, and you have to take into account if the supposedly ‘better’ education is worth what you will pay for it?
As for a private education – I spent three years in private school – and had to play some SERIOUS catch-up when I returned to public school to make up for being behind in math and science.
loading....
Our 30 year-old daughter is an architect who attended one of the most prestigious architecture programs in the country, in fact one that is known abroad as well. She is the product of a so-so school district, where she was an honors student. We didn’t really have the option of sending her to private school or buying a house in a better school district. We could barely afford our first house. However, we supplemented her educated by being involved with her public school education, and giving her piano and dance lessons, involving her in Girl Scouts and making sure that many of our trips (camping) were educational as well as fun. She saw as many historical sites as she did theme parks.
I don’t feel that we cheated her in anyway; nor does she feel that way. Of course we all want to give our children the best, but “THE BEST” is an ever-moving target and we do need to recognize our financial limits and find other ways to give to our children.
loading....
I think you have to look carefully at the individual districts and schools, and not just go by reputation or perception.
I think of schools as I do of parenting – there is no such thing as a perfect school, but there are lots of schools that are good enough. The key (and the hardest part) is to know your kids well enough to recognize the type of situation that will suit them and allow them to flourish. You have to do more research – you have to dig in and look at schools, programs, neighborhoods, and results (test scores, graduation rates, etc.) before deciding what’s enough and where you’ll fit.
Sure, we could’ve spent more to live in Ann Arbor so that we can say we’re sending our kids to Ann Arbor schools (which have a great reputation). But in the day-in, day-out routine of life, it’s not that much different to be in the less-expensive but still good school district next door.
And hey – this way, we can afford to put money in the kids’ 529 accounts.
loading....
Schools periodically redistrict.
My old high school redistricted between my junior and senior year, drawing nearly half the kids from poor inner city neighborhoods.
Never had seen such fights before…
That school went from _the_ place to be to last choice – so much for the parents who bought what are now million dollar houses (in flyover country)
I send my kids to private school to be able to live anywhere I want.
loading....
There is always the option of an apartment or home rental in a part of town or town with a good school district. In fact, renting will give you time to look around and decide how you like the area.
loading....