Spend Based on Who You Are, Not Who You Want to Be

This really hit home…..but in a bit of a different way. We went 66K into credit card debt trying to keep up with the Joneses. So, in essence, we were trying to be someone we weren’t. It’s been very hard trying to ignore the Joneses and just be ourselves.

I don’t often comment on blog posts I read, but this one REALLY reasonated with me – thank you.

The next time I think about a purchase, I’ll ask myself whether it’s necessary to complete the task at hand, or whether the basics can accomplish the same.

That post should encourage people to think twice about spending a small fortune (unless they can afford it in spades) on fancy kitchen renovations. In fact, if you are a person who cooks, you know that you can cook the most amazing meals with the most minimal equipment and a smidgen of organizational skills.
Aside: Guilty of the faulty piano thinking, but at least the darn thing was given to me. The problem is that it takes up way too much space in our small living room. The other problem is that I did take lessons a lifetime ago, but stopped playing due to lack of access. It’s not easy getting back into it, especially when there’s always something plonked in the way (in this case, a couch!) I don’t have a solution… yet.

I think back at a recent job I left and saw this occur. For the job, we were all issued cell phones. The boss received a Blackberry, while the rest of us received a quite nice flip phone. By the following week, 3 of my “colleagues” had purchased their own personal Blackberry. I asked why they would go out and buy one to use at work, when they just received a phone from the company. Their reasons included: don’t like the style, calls were dropped, etc. All bogus. Needless to say, I wasn’t one of the flock, that was just one of the reasons I left.

This was an amazing post. I’ve definitely fallen prey to this mindset before, and I see it quite a bit in my friends.

I think it’s also related to the amount of clutter most people tend to keep around them. I remember a few years ago I was moving and had to do a huge purge. There were so many fancy dresses I had bought, and had worn once or not at all. I was actually really sad to get rid of some of them, because owning those dresses was a way of telling myself that I was someone who went to lots of fancy events… when in fact I’m not! I now own a few nice dresses, and change them up with accessories.

I would bet that most clutter that people find really hard to get rid of can fit into the category of ‘purchased it in the hopes that it would change who I am as a person.’

I don’t normally comment on blog posts, but today I feel compelled. It’s a constant amazement to me how often I do not realize the reasons I am doing things and merely just feel the need to do them. This is one of those things I’ve probably been doing all of my life, but never really “noticed” before.

The photography gear is a pristine example. It may be one of the worst areas I’ve seen for folks going gear-crazy. I was partially infected several years ago. I started out with my first digital camera, an “SLR-like” superzoom point and shoot. I loved it so much and go so into the photography stuff that I just HAD to move up to a DSLR to take better photos. The problem with that is the body is expensive, and then lenses are typically even more expensive (and you can’t just have one). I even started buying up old film cameras, etc. Eventually it hit home that all this gear wasn’t doing me a bit of good — mostly since the DSLR and a few lenses is quite a burden to carry around, especially through the woods, etc. where I would normally want to use it. I sold everything off and bought a Canon G10 and I take just as good photos as I ever did and it pretty much fits in a pocket so I am rarely without it.

But yes… the photography gear bug is the worst! I am lucky I only had a mild case of it. Peruse some photography forums and you will see some people who are truly ill with bodies, lenses, flashes, etc. (and usually don’t take very good photos to beat it all).

Thanks for the great post. Most of us have purchased something in the hopes that it would take us to another level and then we ignored the doing-the-hard-work-part. Takes time and elbow grease more than fancy gear. I have struggled with the idea of selling my 88 key keyboard. But it’s my one extravagance. And after all, my mom did pay for 12 years of lessons! I recently began using it again after a break. Just 20 minutes of playing is great meditation.

There’s a lot of truth to this and I have often bought things because of who I wanted to be rather than because of what I needed. I still have a lot of lust for kitchen gadgets, but living with a roommate and no storage space means I’ve mostly kept it under control.

Still, I think you have to be willing to recognize it when you’re at a place where your tools are holding you back. I would never tell someone just starting on piano to get a cheap keyboard with less than 88 keys or without a decent imitation of keyboard action, because you’ll run into problems at the first piece of music that requires you to play some parts softer or louder. I’m one of those people who keeps buying storage stuff in the hopes that it will make me organized, but there have also been times when extra storage stuff actually improved my life a lot. It’s important to ask myself when I’m buying, “Am I buying this because my current life creates a need for it, or because of some vague wish for a different life? What can I actually do to get to a different life without spending (as much) money? Can I start working on that right now?” — and then, if I really truly do want a new hobby I’ll try to get into it cheaply, but without cheaping out on the things that are genuinely useful.

This post completely resonates with me too– my biggest personal problems is with clothing. I work in a job that is just that– a job. In a restaurant. I am working on a more professional degree right now (accounting), and I have the hardest time not buying business clothes, because I am so looking forward to the day when I can wear conservative business attire rather than casual pants and t-shirts– yes, I know, I’m strange.

For me, its not really about the clothes. It’s about wanting a career that I can’t have just yet, and the clothes are the closest I can come (well, that and all the classes I’m taking– but those are actually useful!). It got to the point where I wasn’t buying clothes for the job I have now, because it meant I had to come to terms with the fact that I’ll be in it for a couple more years. Now when I go shopping I ask myself “is this something for my life right now?” if the answer is yes, I get it. If the answer is no, I hold off.

This post is of huge importance, in my view. I think this is the single biggest cause of overspending. We all want to improve ourselves and we don’t have the time. So we spend money instead. That doesn’t improve us. But it gives the appearance of having improved us. We often feel that that’s the best we can do given the pressures that apply.

I’d like to put forward one note re a pet peeve of mine. When we fail to save, it is often argued that the reason is that it is because we lack willpower. The point made in this blog entry cuts the other way. We generally overspend for perfectly good reasons. In most cases it’s not that we lack willpower. It’s often because we want to improve ourselves (which is of course a good thing).

Rob

I think it helps if you divide up your purchases into wants and needs. If you are purchasing a want, I want a new camera, you are probably more likely to budget for a less expensive purchase because your brain understands this is a want not a need.

For example, I would really like to learn Spanish, I took Spanish in school and I live in South Florida, so learning how to speak Spanish would be helpful both in my day to day life and in my career. So learning how to speak Spanish is a want not a need. I know I don’t have time to take classes so I’ve been leaning towards buying the Rosetta Stone program which runs about $500. I’ve been thinking about buying Rosetta Stone now for more than a year but I have yet to do it because (1) its a want and (2) I know that it is likely to collect dust since I don’t really have time to undertake lessons. I also know that I could use the Rosetta Stone system at my local library which I haven’t done either. I’ve also talked with both my sister-in-law and a friend about splitting the cost of the Rosetta Stone program. I’ve also thought that this is something I might be able to pick up on Craig’s List or EBay.

My point is, I know this is a want and I know I really don’t have time so this purchase continues to circulate in the back of my head. I want to learn Spanish, it would be helpful, but I recognize that this purchase, based on who I am presently (someone with little time) would not get used.

I could not agree more: “if only” is dangerous. I tend to buy things I use, but my trouble in the past was that I convinced myself that I needed things I didn’t need. Still, the temptation to buy something in hopes that it changes your behavior is always there.

I agree and disagree. (Like a few other posters above.)

On the point of the piano… we’re renting a house this year that came with one, and I’ve been playing a lot. That’s something I totally did not expect and would not have predicted. It also seems to help my wrists when I’ve been on the computer too long. DH has been teaching himself some (with my help– he already reads music from high school band). DS has enjoyed pounding on the keys.

We will be in the market for a piano next year when we move back home.

So yes– silly to spend a ton of money on something you don’t know if you’ll use. But, on the other hand, sometimes having something there does lower the hurdle to using it, so you do become a little more like the person you want to be.

Some other people have such strong loss aversion that spending money on something forces them to use it (like people who buy annual gym memberships and actually use the gym).

And isn’t spending money on a class spending money on who you want to be, but forcing accountability from a professor or group of students? In a way, just like weight watchers?

So, like deciding whether or not to make a budget, spending based on who you are vs. who you want to be isn’t a one-size-fits-all prescription.

Timely, relevant post. I’ve been in the process of purging my belongings down to what I actually use and need. This morning, prior to reading this post, I was pacing the copy room while a 100+page document printed, giving myself a pep talk about getting rid of the clothes that don’t fit. I have a few things that I keep saving for that “when I lose 15#” day. The way you framed it in this post was helpful and tonight, when I go home, I will throw a few clothing items in the thrift store pile. Thanks!

Yup, it’s easy to fall into the trap of buying things because you hope it will motivate you, or because you think you need them in order to do a new hobby. There are very few things that we really need. I finally ordered a bunch of oil paints after borrowing my aunt’s for a couple of months. I still probably should have held off longer though, because I told myself I was buying them so that I could paint at home too instead of just during class. The reality is though that I don’t have the time to paint at home.

Regarding photography, what you really need is a good eye. You can’t buy that, but you sure can learn it by practice and study. As a former pro wedding photographer, the only thing bad about old equipment is that the clients often want to know how many megapixels the cameras are. They don’t often get that more does not equal better after a certain point. Probably that applied to life too.

I would say that one of the biggest culprits is exercise equipment and DVDs like P90X. You see the TV commercial and think that if you had the exercise product you would use it.

Garage sales are full of ‘barely used’ exercise products, so if you’re going to buy something to try to inspire yourself to exercise, get it at a discount.

Sam @ #21, if you aren’t sure you’ll have time for Rosetta Stone then don’t get it! I have free access to it through my husband’s work, and barely used it. It’s a great program, but only if you are willing to commit to it.

Based on my experience, here are some good learning alternatives: 1. Shop in Spanish-speaking areas. Buy your groceries or go out to dinner and try to practice. Review a few phrases each time before you go. 2. See if your community center or local college offers classes. 3. Do an internet search for the 100 most common Spanish words, make flashcards, and practice a few each day. 4. Watch a little Spanish language TV each day.

Try these first before paying for an expensive program .

Great post JD! I’d hate to sit down and figure out how many times in my life I have bought Stuff in hopes that it would motivate me to “become” someone else. I have never thought about it exactly the way you wrote about in the article but eventually I was able to realize I was just wasting my money and Stuff I didn’t need, use, and eventually, even want anymore.

A different angle on this:

Recognise early that you’re not using the new gear and SELL IT before its lost too much value.

As a photography buff and technology follower, I too sometimes purchase gear that I “must have”. But, when the excitement has worn off, I click the “Sell Yours Here” button on Amazon and put it up at the lowest price. It usually sells in a couple of days and I recoup a large part of my cost. I figure the money I spent is an ‘evaluation’ cost.

Some tips for making this work:
* keep all the packaging and accessories and open only what you need to
* regularly review what stuff you have that you’re not using
* personally, I find selling via Amazon pays a little less than Ebay, but its so much easier (no photo to take, no listing to write) that I tend to do it on impulse rather than waiting until I have several things to sell
* sell it sooner rather than later – tech items devalue quickly

And, yet another angle:
* buy used
* buy that hot item you couldn’t wait to get LAST YEAR – i.e. don’t get the latest greatest. You drooled over it then, its still the same thing now — but *much* cheaper!

I want to thank you for your thoughtful article. This subject is very close to my heart because I’ve always struggled being me, not the image that I wanted to be. I tried so hard to buy that image in my mind. The result was debt and a long battle against my twisted beliefs.

Photography example reminds me of my sister who has an amazing eye. Taking a HS photography course and later a college course, both times other students would muse out loud about her photos that she must have some “special” kind of camera, to have taken those pics. Nope, just some outdated all manual camera that my Dad had lying around from years back. To tell you the truth it was probably a benefit for her to learn on such a basic camera, because she had to learn everything (focusing, light, exposure times, etc) from scratch.

I have “Bought to Become” something so many times, and avoided it on occasion. Most notably, I have (and have sold) a bunch of books, magazines, articles, DVD’s, etc. that I thought would help me become a best-selling writer, celebrity filmmaker, and successful cartoonist. None of those helped. It wasn’t until I actually started writing with an everyday word-processing program and started drawing with a generic mechanical pencil on a piece of normal paper that I actually started making progress to being a writer and cartoonist.

Additionally, post #10 and #14 mentioned camping. I love camping and I “want” all the cool expensive gear, but I’ve gotten into the good habit of going camping first, and then making note of what I feel would have fit a need when I get back. That includes trying out gear that my friends have and deciding whether or not that would be good for me. It only took one rainy windy night on a rocky camp ground to realize I needed a tent that didn’t leak and didn’t have verticle walls that blew in the wind along with a cushioned sleeping pad and a camp pillow. Live and learn.

It was art that taught me, years ago, that art is in the eye of the artist, and not in the materials. I run into a lot of young artists who think they want the expensive Copic art markers, and I advise them that if they don’t already have a lot of experience with markers, they may be wasting their money. They need to buy a few of the cheapest art markers they can find, practice and learn with them for a while, and once they realize that they’re going to be doing this for a good long time, then they’re ready to make the investment. (Copics are good at that point, because while they tend to be more expensive per marker than others, they are refillable so in the long term are a better investment.)

The materials won’t make the artist, but if you do the majority of your learning of the basics with cheap materials, you *will* see a difference in your artwork when you jump to the better materials … one you *won’t* see if you started with the better materials, because when you’re just starting the materials are less important than training your hands and eyes.

That’s why I’m currently using my boyfriend’s 44-key MIDI keyboard for practicing on while I take piano lessons. I’ve promised myself that if I get through all 4 semester-long courses offered by the extended education department of the school at which I work, I can drop the money on a really nice one with keys that feel *so* much nicer than my practice keyboard.

I find this really interesting and would have, without thinking, said that I totally agree with this… but upon thinking about it I realized I did exactly what you’re advising to not do – but it worked for me.

1.5 years ago my husbands co-worked bought a $3,000 camera. I had always been interested in photography but other than taking pictures of my son with my point and shoot I knew NOTHING about it. This co-worker offered to LEND me his brand new camera for a day (I still can’t believe he did that!!)

I spent the entire day taking pictures. I borrowed friends, I dressed up my kids, I posed my husband – I literally took over 1,000 photographs in that one day. And some of them were pretty decent.

Inspired by that single event I decided I wanted the $3,000 camera. I sold a bunch of stuff on craigslist and three days later had made $400. It was a huge headway, but not nearly enough.

I drooled over the camera in the local store and talked with a sales rep at great length. He convinced me that I didn’t actually need the $3,000 camera (what an awesome sales man! He was looking out for me, not his sales!) and I went home and researched the lesser expensive one, which, with a kit lens, was $1,500.

I attempted various ways to come up with more money, but as a stay at home mom with two young boys I didn’t get much over $500 in two weeks time.
Then my husband said – “I am just going to buy it for you.”

I had used a DSLR ONCE in my life.
I had no idea what aperature or ISO or bokeh was.
But he bought it for me (we did have savings, it wasn’t debt.)

I have used that camera nearly EVERY single day since I got it almost 1.5 years ago. I have taught myself how to shoot manually and what was once a mere interest in photograph has turned into a passion.

I know for certain that I wouldn’t have sat down and figured out the intricacies of better picture taking if I didn’t have a nice camera in hand to challenge me.

So while I agree with the principle of what you are saying I believe there are most definitely exceptions… I just don’t know how to define what those exceptions are

Maybe have your spouse buy the expensive gadgets for you and then you’ll not want to let them down and have them “Waste” their money on a hobby you don’t use?!?!?

My version of this is the various businesses I’ve always wanted to start, so I’ve gone out and bought all sorts of programs, downloads and books. I also took courses to become a life coach and a divorce mediator. My new thing is that I need to take Dave Ramsey’s course, so I can feed my desire to become a financial counselor with all the proper credentials. I’ve decided the best credentials I can have is to be out of debt myself, so the goal is not buy anything or take any additional courses or classes until we’re out of debt and earning enough to cover our monthly expenses (we’re both in sales).