we are now two years into our marriage and have a nice cash savings, contribute about 17% to retirement and own a duplex that we use for passive income. essentially, frugality and personal finance stuff has been a consistent hobby of both me and my wife. we have “financial dates” as often as we either of us want. we recategorize line-items in quicken together.

i would think that stability in different areas smooths over rough patches in other areas. in my case, the stress that could have been created by knocking up my wife after 5 months of dating, marrying at 8 months, and having a baby before our 1st anniversary could have easily led to a quick divorce. i think that the stability that anne and i created with our finances ultimately has led to stability in many other areas in our marriage.

good article… not sure what hannah (#2) was talking about…

Money can be a touchy subject to talk about, especially if you are from different mindsets.

However, if you don’t talk abou it, it can easily destroy your marriage.

Trust me on that one…

We moved in together and bought a home last year, and so we merged our finances at that point (we were engaged). Since I am a bit of a financial guru, I have taken the reins, but we have periodic ‘meetings’ to discuss everything and make adjustments as needed. The first thing we did was to lay out our debts on the table. We have since paid one off, and are going to pay the second off in July (his mustang!). Then it’s just my student loans to tackle, which I have brought down from approximately $36,000 to $9,000 since 2005 (hurrah!).

Being honest financially is such a huge deal in a relationship, and knowing your own financial habits as well. Telling your habits to your partner is a great idea, too. My fiancee never lived with a budget before meeting me. In the beginning it was difficult for him, but now that he sees how much it’s been paying off, he is all gung-ho!

tip # 3 is SO important…not just to know your partner’s financial habits but their living habits as well. I know it’s common for people to wait until after the wedding to begin living together, but that can be a huge mistake if you were envisioning marrying someone as clean and tidy as you when in reality they’re a slob.

Also, it’s incredibly important to find out where your partner stands financially: how many student loans they have, if they have any outstanding credit card debt, and come up with a plan of attack together on how to tackle those financial issues since once you’re married HIS debt will be your debt.

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We were pretty good in this area. DH had a huge financial mess with his marriage #1. I watched my parents fight a lot about money, control, goals, and power. So, we came to the issue knowing that we wanted to avoid, and talked about it a lot before we got married.

This is slightly off-topic, and might not resonate with many of you, but someone raised the issue of “marrying a rich man”, tongue-in-cheek, but it made me remember something. I made a point of setting up and being able to support myself in a lifestyle I was happy with BEFORE getting married, so that I knew I could do it and I knew what I wanted. I had the luxury of seriously considering guys who weren’t as educated and not as likely to make a lot of money. I could choose a man who I knew would be a wonderful father and partner, but who might be an artist or stay-at-home parent or minister or organic farmer or something else that often isn’t high-earning.

By being more pragmatic in my career, I was able to be more romantic in choosing my life-partner and more creative in choosing my life. I think too many girls/women are still expecting and waiting for the right prince to set them up. I think that’s rather risky and sad, given that many women are likely to be single during their lives, due to not marrying, divorce, and widowhood.

Just throwing that into the mix.

It always amazed them how many people who dated for months to years never discussed either topic. Often the pair just assumed their own ideas were their partners.

Especially since the post started out with 2nd marriages between people who already have children and debts/assets. The financial issues related to marriage are much more complex in 2nd marriages, yet few financial articles address them except to just say “get a lawyer involved & a prenup”.

Some specifics of things to look out for, things to go over with my intended, would be much more helpful than just a warning that marriage is a financial deal (which everyone already knows, I expect).

I am just curious. Doesn’t marriage is exchanging RINGS ? Only Hindus tie knot during their marriage.

Any explanation where this “Tying the Knot” came from ?

To successfully plan for a wedding that will not wreck your finances:

1st, decide what kind of wedding and reception you want to have (casual on the beach, black tie at a hotel – work out all the details and trimmings you’d both like, including tips for service providers and gifts for the wedding party, and make your big compromises here and now).

2nd, figure out how much that kind of wedding will cost. (e.g., $15+ per person for the beach and $85+ per person for black tie).

3rd, figure out exactly how many people you want to have at that wedding, including those you are obligated to invite, and multiply by your per-person figure to arrive at a round number for the entire event. Then add 10%.

4th, figure out how long it will take for you to save that much money.

5th, repeat steps 1, 2, and 4 for your honeymoon. Now you know when you can afford your wedding, so you can set the date.

6th, make a budget that accommodates all your financial commitments and your wedding plans.

A lot of people start by setting the date, and end up in really deep water. Let the date be determined by what you want and when you can afford it. This process will tell you a lot about each other.

I cant tell you how many times I’ve been speaking to friends with marital issues and have begun to realize that the marriage was doomed BEFORE it even happened, because each spouse was expecting the OTHER person to define them financially and as a person. This is sooo important and I’m glad you listed that as #1, Sierra!

I think you need to love your partner, and you also need to love the life you have with your partner. Both of these are essential for any successful long-term relationship. Finances definitely play a role in this, as do many other things.

@ Hannah, I am really sensitive to digs about separate finances and I really didn’t get that from Sierra at all. Maybe she could have worded that phrase better, but I don’t hear smug and superior from her the way I’ve heard it from others who shall remain nameless. (And among our friends and acquantainces, there is some suggestion that the bigger the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Not that it’s necessarily true, it just looks that way sometimes.)

Just a pet peeve when people misquote the law. If we split up, then it may be possible that I would get part of the condo. Highly unlikely as we have been married less than a year and I have lived there and contributed to it for less than 2 years.

I like the point about how legally a couple’s finances are mixed together even if they want to pretend to keep them separate.

I’m also curious about exactly how separate people can keep their finances from their spouse. Are there any situations where the spouses have no idea what the partner makes or how much money/debts they have?