Bigger Isn’t Always Better: Remembering to Appreciate What I Already Have
Published on - June 22nd, 2010 (by J.D. Roth) Walking home from work today, I decided to take the long way. Most of the time, I choose the easy quarter-mile stroll downhill from the office to our happy half acre (or happy .62 acre, if you’d like to be precise). But to celebrate the first day of summer, I took the river-forest loop.
The river-forest loop is exactly what it sounds like: a series of quiet streets that wend along the east bank of the Willamette River, easing their way beneath stands of tall oak, fir, and pine. It’s three miles from our house down the river-forest road and back again. I choose this route when I need exercise or want to think. And, on days like today, I choose it to soak up the scenery.
As I walked, I looked at the trees and the river and the lake. I listened to the birds. I watched the squirrels go about their squirrely business. I nodded to the neighbors, and (strangely enough) I encountered three different loose dogs traipsing around unleashed, each of which was pleased to spend some time walking with me a ways.
After a while, I stopped looking at nature and started looking at the homes. The river-forest loop has some great houses. In fact, the side of the street next to the river is lined with what can only be described as mansions. The homes are stately and ornate, with beautiful, manicured lawns. (Rumor has it that one of these homes belongs to Will Vinton, of California Raisins fame.)
I’ve looked at these homes before — and even have my favorite (which I’m dying to buy if it ever goes on the market) — but usually in just a cursory fashion. Today, I really looked at them. And as I looked, I began to covet.
“I want a house like that,” I thought as I passed the new house built from river rock and brick. “Or maybe one like that,” I mused while considering the next lot, which includes a tennis court.
I imagined what it would be like to live in homes like these, homes with arched double-door entries, vaulted ceilings, and wrap-around porches. How much would it cost? (And where would I get the money?) What would this new, wealthier J.D. be like? What would I do? How great would my life be?
But my imagination really took flight when I saw that one of the homes was for sale. I stopped at the top of the driveway to admire all of the gables, the fountain, and the three-car garage. I pictured the other side, which must sit right at the river’s edge. (The above cell-phone photo is of this house. It’s listed for $2.3 million, or almost ten times what we paid for our house.)
“Wow,” I thought. “If only I could afford a place like that!”
Yes, J.D. If only. And then what? Would that make you satisfied?
As I resumed my walk, my route led me back through normal neighborhoods: ranch houses and minivans and small city lots. Several folks were out working in their yards, just as I’ve been doing for the past few weeks. Like me, they’re trying to make their homes look as pretty as possible.
Suddenly it occurred to me that I didn’t need some fancy dream house. I already have one. I recalled the excitement that Kris and I felt when we first found our current place back in 2004. We thought it was perfect. Our hearts broke when we thought we’d lost the home by $500. And our spirits soared when the prospective buyers backed out. When we moved in, we were overwhelmed, but mostly in a good way. We thought this was our dream house.

Our home, which we call Rosings Park.
You know what? It is our dream house. And I have a great life already, even without a fountain or a riverfront view. Here it was, three in the afternoon on the first day of summer, and I was walking home from work. And here I was again, half an hour later, plopped on a park bench writing a blog post in a notebook while all around me kids played tennis and basketball. At home I’d grill some steaks and pet my cats and read a couple of comic books. What more could I ask for? (Well, besides for Kris not to be on the road for work, that is.)
I’m always urging others to appreciate what they have. When you feel that aching urge to keep up with the Joneses, when you wake up and realize you’ve begun to succumb to lifestyle inflation, it’s time to pause and take stock of what you have. When you slow down and really appreciate what you already own, you can often slake the thirst for something bigger and better. Maybe it’s time to take my own advice.
In my case, I reminded myself that although our house has been a little rough around the edges lately, that’s mostly because I haven’t had time to take care of the property like I ought to. After I’m through with my big yardwork push, and now that we’ve repaired the sewer line, and after we purge a little more Stuff, I’ll feel much better about our place again. We’ll have people over. We’ll laze in the afternoon sun. We’ll pick peas and berries from the garden.
I’m smart enough to realize that a $2.3 million dream home won’t make me any happier than where we live now. I think I’ll stay put.
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so funny! Just yesterday I was walking on our towns trail and noticed a new house similar to the one pictured above! I was thinking gee, thats a pretty house, then realized just how massive it is and what a waste of money/space/resources, no single family would ever need that much space, it was particularly disturbing to see the large yard (3 to 4 acres large) perfectly mowed! coming from someone who has been having a hard time finding reasonably priced land in this town to actually USE, not just mow and stare at! ugh so wasteful…
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Lucky Americans with your affordable land prices and houses that look sane on occasion
Your house is very cutesy J.D., looks like a great place to raise a family.
In London, a similarly sized place (with the same size of yard), would cost in the region of $1.2 *million*. Land prices are insane in the UK.
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Your home has character.The elegance stands out without saying” nouveau riche”.I have always been taught that taste is not what you have but in how you live.Living simply and below what more you can afford does not mean doing without.Two- thirds of the world’s population would see your home as that of a very wealthy man.It’s all in perspective!
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I agree with number 5, it is all about perspective. Plus just the cost of maintenance on a big Mansion, I really have no idea how to sustain it. Your house is really nice, I live in a condo unit, but me and my girlfriend is happy, because its a home not just a structure.
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I love your house!!
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Your house is my dream home. It’s huge. I live in Toronto and we paid $230 000 for a condo thats 517 sq ft. You would never be able to find a house of your size for that price. Not even if you moved to the outskirts. A house like yours, not even including the property size ’cause that’s a different story, will well run you over a million. You are very blessed.
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Your house looks very much like the dream house we’d like to build someday. No hurry, though. Our own little house (and little mortgage) keeps us pretty happy, too.
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This was nice and timely for us. We’re considering selling in the next 6 months to be closer to my husband’s work. We have been looking at all the pictures of nicer (more expensive) houses, but we would go from having 9 years left on the mortgage to 15-30 years. But do we really need that, especially after realizing how important financial security is to us (Husband was laid off and without work for 14 months, which was ok only because we are so frugal). This article was a nice reality check on what our true priorities are: financial security, good school districts, and shorter commute time so he can spend more time with the kiddos.
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Your house is beautiful JD! You do have a dream house… it’s interesting how so many idyllic paintings have little cozy cottages out by a river, or in the middle of a forest as their subject. Bigger doesn’t mean better. Bigger and more expensive is just harder to get… and thus somehow we convince ourselves that means it’s better.
Love your house! The yard look wonderful.
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Funny, my first reaction when I saw the $2.3 million mansion was, “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to have to clean that place.” That house wouldn’t just cost $2.3 million to buy; it’d also take a whole fleet of servants to maintain.
I like the look of your house better, though I must say that if I was going to name my house after a celebrated fictional home, I wouldn’t choose Rosings Park. That never struck me as a happy home, and its inhabitants certainly weren’t the kind of people I’d like to emulate. I’d prefer someplace smaller and cheerier–Barton Cottage, perhaps.
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Many of my classmates have big houses. My mom is embarrassed to be asked to dinners but I tell her that we have big hearts and you can’t contain our love in the biggest house.
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You are soooooo right about how easy it is to become discontent with what you have. I find myself doing it with catalogs that come in the mail. I’ve got plenty of clothes and plenty of stuff and don’t want for anything…..until I start looking at catalogs and the perfectly put-together outfits and the perfectly and seasonally set tables and the perfectly decorated rooms. So….the catalogs are a once-in-a-while treat to look through. Most of them get tossed.
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Our home is 1750 sq.ft. but we don’t have your gorgeous lawn. We have a tiny front and back yard with a small patio. Maybe I’m a weirdo, but I love our house. Yours is way prettier and there are tons of mansion like homes in our area that are gorgeous, but our house belongs to us. Nothing trumps that in my opinion, lol.
I think the key to appeciating what you have is to really enjoy it like you mentioned. I enjoy having friends over for movie night or sitting on my couch with my two dogs and watching re-runs of the X-Files. I REALLY enjoy sleeping on our Tempurpedic until whenever since my hubby was sweet enough to black out the windows with styrofoam. Lifestyle inflation creeps up on us once in a while, but just enjoying the basics helps me battle it back.
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I was away yesterday, and missed out on all this conversation!
We have a 1350 sq ft. home, and what we are working towards ultimately is only a slight expansion. We want slightly more room for entertaining (kitchen & family room) and we want one more bathroom. I have zero desire to be in a large house–if I had that much money to spare, I’d prefer to go off and do stuff, rather than just sink it into rooms that have to be maintained and cleaned constantly.
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thank you for sharing your home – it looks wonderful & is great to see after reading your projects around it!
I, too, live in a neighborhood that is similar to yours and in taking my three dogs on our daily walk, just two miles away, we also have a similar neighborhood (with views of the bay, some majestic, some historic – all expensive!) and I have never in the four years that I’ve been walking these neighborhoods, seen any of the owners of the mansions out enjoying their yards (bbq or using their beautiful decks or porches) or ever working on their home – in fact, I rarely see them at home … it’s always a bevy of workers (lawn, maintenance, painters, housekeepers, etc.) that are busy in & around these places. I have a home that I love, that I can afford with ease and that I enjoy a good hard days labor with at times (from washing windows to painting trim work or yard work). To me, I’d rather invest money into other things (education, experiences, vacations, etc.) or into people or social causes (my heart leads my giving and many times where I volunteer as well – things I couldn’t do time wise or money wise if I chose a mansion over my home).
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Your home is beautiful (and I lol when I read that you call it Rosings Park – O Mr. Collins!)
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I sometimes cringe when I see these kinds of articles. What is so wrong with wanting 5 bedrooms you may never use? What is sooooo bad about wanting a bigger house? If you have diligently saved, and planned, and you can truly afford those nice-ities in life, why not reach for them? Why not buy them? My husband and I want a very large horse ranch some day, big beautiful barn, to put big pretty horses in. Is there any real practical reason for that? No. But realistically is there any real reason to live in a moderately priced subdivision in a 3/2 ranch with neighbors 5 feet from your side yard if you are miserable? I would prefer space, privacy like the top picture offered, and if I could afford to wake up and look out over the ocean or river, then I would do that too! Life is out there to experience so if you don’t set those goals or aspirations for things that are really important to you then what fun is there? Some people want the large house to fill with kids and grandkids, some people want a high rise condo on the beach in Miami because they enjoy that lifestyle. And if they can afford to do those things responsibly, then have at it! Dream and Dream big!
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Let’s see….your house is huge and beautiful! And your yard? That kind of yard is at a premium in our area where lots are 1/4 acre, none of which are level. We are a family of 5 living in 1300 sq ft. We are in a smaller home for our area, but we make it work and we fit in it. Yes, perspective is what it’s all about!
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People should continually check themselves to make sure they don’t buy into lifestyle inflation.
My husband and I are on the downsizing mode–we went from a 4 bedroom single family home 3 years ago to a 3 bedroom condo. But we stayed in the same price range buying into a nicer neighborhood.
P.S. Your house looks beautiful and quite stately.
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Your house is beautiful. Many of us would have house envy looking at it. Every bit as good as the fictional Rosings Park.
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I must say, I like your house much better then the McMansion. Regardless of price.
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This is a great post. JD, I want to add something that’ll sound a little cheesy. In my favorite book, Anne of Green Gables, the heroine is an imaginative young orphan full of big dreams. She gets to spend a few nights at the house of a rich friend, and says this about it:
“There are so many things in this room and all so splendid that there is no scope for imagination. That is one consolation when you are poor—there are so many more things you can imagine about.”
Recently I was thinking about what kind of house I’d live in if I won the lottery…and I realized that I probably have more fun dreaming about it than I would living in it!
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@Nicole
When I wrote it I was in “frontier” mode, thinking of women running a house without a community around to distribute labor. But later I thought of situations like your example as well as how city folks would buy bread from a bakery and veggies from the market rather than do it themselves, but the point still holds.
Thanks for the backup material, it sounds really interesting. I am completely ignorant of the historical time and place you brought up.
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Some of the other commenters have mentioned this already, but a bigger house doesn’t just cost more to buy. It also costs more to maintain and has higher utility bills etc. Every time I think it would be nice to have a larger house I remember how cheap it is to live in our little 1100 square foot ranch.
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“When you slow down and really appreciate what you already own, you can often slake the thirst for something bigger and better.”
This just made my day.
I have been working on a crossword on and off all week, and one of the clues that’s been killing me is a 5-letter synonym for ‘quench’ with a ‘k’ as the 4th letter. Thank you!
Oh, and it’s also great advice
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You have a lovely looking house.
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This conversation has had some really interesting feedback about the idea of frugality, and I realized that there is an important nuance to the concept that we often overlook in our day to day discussions of the concept here.
Frugality is scalable.
For a family with an annual cash flow of $50,000, frugality might be clipping coupons and buying a used car.
For a single person with a $2M annual cash flow, frugality could well be maintaining a stable with ten four-legged money pits (sometimes called “horses”) instead of 20.
We talk about frugality as if it is an end, but frugality can be a code word for security. Each of us lives with a different level of cushion around our lives – that cushion could be low expectations and needs or it could be strong family connections or a sense of independence and self-sufficiency.
We make our decisions within context, and our conversations about frugality are so much the richer for it!
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In Jr. high school, I mentioned to a friend who lived on the swankiest street in the neighborhood that his house was great. It even had a second floor solarium. He said sure, the house was great, but his parents had mortgaged their lives to get it. This was evident to a young teenager!
After the kids moved out, his parents moved from their centrally located show home to a less expensive town about 40 minutes away.
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I have noticed how often people mention the problem of cleaning a big house. We live in a 2800 sq ft home on half an acre just a few miles from JD. We have lived here for 30 years and now for the last three years I have indeed had to hire a housekeeper twice a week. The house and property are a lot of upkeep now that we are in our 50′s but I wouldnt trade it for something smaller in a million worlds. We use every square inch of it to the fullest! I homeschool my kids and run a tutoring business from the house. We dont have the problem with too much space, we have the problem of not having enough for everything we do in here! And yes, since this is a financial blog I will add that the place is paid off. No we are not in debt.
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My dream home is
1) Paid off (obviously, otherwise it isn’t really mine, is it?)
Will not pretend to be anything that it isn’t (no fake bricks, etc.)
2) Can be fully cleaned in under 30 minutes.
3) Has most/all things within easy reach; nothing ever gets lost.
4) Can be repaired by the owner (me) without calling in an expert, plumbing, electrics, roof, walls, …
5) Has no utility costs.
6) Will not get flooded, snowed in, etc.
7) Will be really hard to break into.
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I live in a one-bedroom apartment and love it. I’ve always wondered why people think they’d be happier if they have a larger house, larger car, larger everything. If I did, I’d be spending the rest of my life cleaning, not doing the things that make me feel truly fulfilled. What matters is the ability to say “enough”, live within one’s means, save enough, and understand that the quality of one’s life is determined by loved ones and other things not dependent on material tings. More stuff does not make life happier or meaningful.
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I have my little two bedroom ’50s house that I love – because it’s good enough, it’s nice enough, and gosh darn it, people like it!
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I like your blog and read it frequently. I have never posted a comm. before but felt the urge to do it because I was not sure if you were kidding or serious about this article.
Your house IS a mansion. A house like yours in our town would be worth more than 5 million euros!! Because were I live ground is something rare and expensive.
JD, you have my dream house and I am VERY jealous
But we have bought a very nice flat and hope to pay our morgage in 8 years. So I will keep reading your tips and advice. Thanks a lot.
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I can totally understand why this beautiful neighborhood caught your imagination, especially all those trees and birds. I can relate to seeing someone’s gorgeous yard and wanting to live there. But I remind myself that a) I’m not much of a gardener, and have just enough to do in my nice yard as it is; and b) I can still enjoy looking at this person’s yard without having to own it. I try to remind myself that I don’t have to possess or control something to enjoy it — a fleeting moment in a lovely setting can still be worthwhile.
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Good lord man! You really DID begin to loose all perspective there for a moment. LOOK AT YOUR HOME! After 21 years I sold my home last Fall. It was my dream home I helped design and build with my ex-husband. I bought him out when we divorced and took on monster debt. My current husband and I finally decided to sell our ‘dream house’ because it was financially irresponsible to keep hanging on to this dream. I miss my home. I miss the walls I helped erect, all of the stones I lovingly placed, the trees my husband spent months beautifying, the acres of wildflowers, the wildlife, the nooks and crannies where my son would find to play . . . . it broke my heart to leave. I am now living another dream I’ve had since childhood. I live on the coast with a view of the ocean, the bay and a quiet little harbor. I have neighbors next door and I walk the beach several times a week. I don’t own the home ~ first time I’ve rented in 35 years ~ but it’s a bright and sunny place perfect for the three of us.
As it turns out my son, now 14, has decided to move with his dad to start his first year of high school. His dad lives one block from school. I’ve known this day would come for years now but it doesn’t make it any easier. He’s learning how to let go of the past and move forward into life. Saying goodbye has always been tuff for him but he did it with grace when he said goodbye to the only home he’d ever known. He’s been tolerant of our move but it’s not his dream ~ he’s discovering what his dream is.
The most important thing I’ve learned from this move is that my values are firmly in place; Health, Family, Love and Connection. Security and certainty is still in there it’s just further down the list these days. And frankly that’s OK with me. I get to choose what’s important and I’ve made my choice.
We’re looking to buy another house. We’re considering a ‘tiny house’. Well, it’s a fun idea but neither of us is really there yet, but we’re getting much closer. What I know is we don’t need 3,000 square feet and 5 1/2 acres to be happy. In fact, I am so freed up not having to maintain all of that it’s opened my eyes to the what I really want next.
Enjoy what you have and if you don’t, make a change, it won’t kill you, really, it won’t.
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I must add . . . I lived in a 29 foot travel trailer for 4 years while building my 3,000 square foot house. Life was simple and beautiful in that little space. Less to clutter my mind and my life. I long for simplicity . . . .
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I too used to dream of living in a brand new, custom construction status ‘dream home’ …. until I lived in one. I would receive comments like, “That’s not a driveway – it’s a landing strip!” ($25K worth of concrete alone to pave that thing) or “Your horses have a better place to live than I do.” And so on. I discovered that once I’d achieved ‘The Dream’ I became BORED with it. I also discovered that the amount of money spent over the 6 years I lived there equated to 6 lost years of family memories because I couldn’t afford to do much else other than pay the hefty mortgage and maintenance costs once the financial crisis hit and I lost my job.
Today, I live in just as big of a house but one that I bought at auction for a pittance. The house is a classic 1970s design, 34 years old and I LOVE it. So does everyone else who walks in the front door. It won’t be difficult to sell.
My biggest regret is that I sacrificed 6 years of my kids’ youth for an albatross of a house that I grew to absolutely HATE. Owning that house changed nothing for me. It didn’t make me a better person (far from it) and it didn’t make me ‘better’ than anyone else even though it was a huge status symbol that was the envy of everyone who saw it. It was a money pit and a very expensive lesson in more ways than just one. It ain’t all red roses, green grass, and lace curtains!
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RMom ~ I appreciate your forthrightness! I live in an area where ‘status’ is huge and I have to admit, I liked having a big, beautiful house in an exclusive area; I liked the ‘status’. I didn’t know this about myself until I moved, and quite frankly, I’m embarrassed this now. I believe that big houses will soon be viewed in the same way ‘Hummers’ are today. I don’t fault anyone for going after what they want, in fact I celebrate people for pursuing their dreams. I just think that what the world needs right now are less material-focused dreams. Smaller houses mean less use of raw materials, more conscious structures, better use of land. Something to think about.
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Wanting more, bigger, better, newer, improved–that’s what built America. That’s what moved pioneers West. That’s what brought us out of caves. I’ve never cared for the status symbol of the big house in the gated neighborhood and the Mercedes or BMW (I drive a Prius and my house is 30 years old), but I don’t fault anyone for wanting that, and fewer material “wants” to me means Socialism and the end of the US as we know it. People wanting more causes growth. Less materialism causes stagnation.
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It’s all perspective I suppose. I see less as more. More free time to spend doing what I love with the people I love. More time to focus on things that I value. I want more out of life not more stuff in my life. My perspective is from someone in her second half of life who’s lived a lot of life and who is now on a path of simplicity and more fun!
I encourage people to find out what truly makes them happy and to pursue that path. Reassess that path fairly regularly. You may find that what was important to you at 35 may not be at the top of your list at 55. My advice to my teenage son is to do what you’re passionate about and you’ll enjoy life. If having a big house is your passion go for it and have fun! How blessed we are to have such choices . . . .
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I’ll be 51 next month, my kids are grown–if you call college aged “grown”–and I’m ready to downsize to something easier to clean. But then, where would I put all of our stuff?? LOL!! I work in technology, so I’ll probably always want the latest gadget, but I could do with a smaller space to clean.
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I am so coveting your house. We lived on the West side of the state for years before moving to the East side but I have been nagging my husband to move back to Portland and find a house like yours/ with a little property.
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Yep, I talk a big talk but I have a 27″ iMac so I’m not such a hot shot in the techno downsizing department! Also, when we moved from our big house and acreage, we took my husbands work shed and bought a new storage container for all of our garage stuff. Simplifying is a process . . . . .
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Two ‘TED’ talks that I think speak well to this subject can both be found on Beth Terry’s blog; fakeplasticfish.com post date of June 29, 2010.
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wow! too me you and the owner of the mansion are rich, its hard to believe that house was a fixer-upper
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I personally don’t see much of a difference between your house and what you refer to as a mansion. It’s definitely perspective, JD.
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