Ask the Readers: Is It Okay to Buy a Christmas Gift from a Thrift Store?
Published on - December 10th, 2010 (by J.D. Roth) The holiday season can test a frugal person’s patience: There are so many temptations to spend. Sure, we all want to enjoy the festive nature this time of year, but where do you draw the line? And how fugal is too frugal?
Michelle wrote with a terrific question. She has the sort of dilemma I can picture myself facing. Here’s her story:
Like you, I am a big proponent of thrift store shopping. It saves money, and it’s just more fun going to the mall — at least for me. Because I live in the New York City area, I’m fortunate in that many of the area thrift stores are filled with fantastic stuff, including designer and name-brand quality clothes, many of which are barely worn.
On a recent thrift-store trip, I picked up two designer handbags as Christmas gifts for my college-aged nieces, but now I’m having second thoughts.
- On the one hand, there’s no way they would ever really acquire Coach and Kate Spade handbags on their own.
- On the other hand, I don’t know if they share my acceptance and love for thrifting, and they may not react well to the thought of being gifted someone else’s cast-offs.
Since new versions of these bags are clearly out my budget, there’s no way to pass these things off as anything other than second-hand. What do you think? Is it tacky to purchase gifts at a thrift store?
My initial response to Michelle’s question is that of course it’s okay to purchase gifts at a thrift store — I do it all the time! But maybe that’s because of the way my family has set up its gift exchange.
In my family, adults exchange $5 gifts: Each of us buys something costing no more than five bucks for every other adult. This arbitrary budget forces folks to get creative. And because of that, thrift stores are actually a fantastic place to find presents. Garage sales, too. (And I’ve spent many hours trolling Amazon for fun bargains.)
Here’s my favorite example: Several years ago, I found a set of nice drafting pens for ten bucks at a garage sale. My brother used to draw house plans (though he no longer does), and I thought these would make a great Christmas gift. I haggled the price down to five bucks. Back home, I researched the actual price for the pens. They normally sold for about $70. Score! (I’m not sure if Jeff has ever used them, but this is the best $5 gift I’ve ever given.)
Obviously, not everyone is in a situation where giving bargain buys from garage sales and thrift stores is socially acceptable. But I’m willing to wager that there are plenty of people out there for whom this sort of thing is okay, at least to some degree.
But this is the sort of question where I definitely need to poll a wider audience. Not everyone shares my love of buying used. In fact, many GRS readers deplore thrift stores. Instead of steering Michelle down my own (possibly misguided) path, it’s probably best to field responses from a variety of perspectives.
What do you think? When is it okay to purchase gifts from a thrift store? Is it always okay? Never okay? And what about Michelle’s specific situation: Should she feel any shame in giving used designer handbags to her nieces this Christmas?
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One thing you could do is just talk to the women.
“Hey, I saw this really awesome gift for you when I was shopping for me at a thrift store – how would you feel about getting a second hand present?”
You keep some of the surprise, but without the hurt feelings. My family does things differently though – we often discuss in advance what we may like or may be getting for Christmas. Our philosophy is “why waste money and clutter someone else’s house with something they don’t want when you could just talk to them about it?” Some things still are a surprise and some things aren’t.
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The purchase was already made, the intention was good, and the gifts are good gifts. Using “someone else’s cast off” can be a little weird for the recipient and you really can’t know what the bag was used for, but simple common sense and inspection of the bags is more than sufficient to decide whether they’re in good shape.
Ultimately, the answer to the question will be resolved when the bags are given. One of three things will happen.
1. You’ll receive a genuine, positive response and you can reasonably assume that you made the right gift choice.
2. You’ll receive a positive response that is not genuine and you’ll think that you’ve made the right choice.
Options 1 and 2 have the same outcome.
3. You’ll receive a negative response and you’ll know that you made the wrong gift choice.
I am sometimes aware that my gift ideas are not well received. Subtle indicators can tip you off. I couldn’t understand, one year, why I had such a bad response when I got a friend the latest Weight Watchers cookbook…
However, most people realize that it’s the thought that counts and decency dictates that they be grateful no matter what they’re being given. It’s good enough to know that someone cares about you enough to have put thought and action into something for you. If somebody doesn’t know this now–because they’re young–they’ll probably learn it down the road.
My advice: give the bags as gifts and continue with being frugal. Their disappointment or satisfaction on one day of the year isn’t worth sacrificing your good spending habits.
Merry Christmas!
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Two words for you: CHINATOWN and KNOCKOFFS
Your little nieces will never know the difference! Or you can tell them you got them in Chinatown, and that makes it kind of a fun/NY thing.
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It is absolutely OK to buy a Christmas gift from a thrift store! If the item is in good condition, and you have no reservations about passing it along, feel free to buy gift anywhere. Of course, the gift receipient’s personal taste is always a factor.
It is just as easy to buy a worthless gift brand new as it is to buy one at a garage sale.
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You know, if people are that worried about bedbugs we should all stay home and not travel at Christmas – because hotels are the worst way to expose yourself, even nice hotels.
The thing about gifts is that every person thinks their own personal preferences are universal. I would be SO HAPPY to get used gifts, or useful ones – but the gift-givers in my life think used or useful = not “gifty”.
It really is the thought that counts – think about (or ask!) the recipient, and do what they want, and you’ll be giving them respect and understanding. Trying to figure out a universal rule of what makes a good gift is useless.
(On our required gift-giving list we have a mix of people who only want shiny, new, expensive trendy things and people who prefer used. We try to accomodate.)
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@Tyler #99 – see, I am horrified by the e-waste of the random electronic crap people buy for me. If i want something like an iPod, I ask my boyfriend – because he’s willing to do the work to actually find a refurbished one in good condition, instead of thinking “wow that’s a lot of work I’ll just buy one of course she wants new, wanting used is weird.”
It’s not the thing itself that’s valuable, it’s how it expresses the relationship between people – and we have way too many obligatory gift relationships that say “I don’t actually know you or share your values but I am pretending we’re close.”
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I’d much rather get a used gift that is useful vs a new gift that is useless.
One of my cousins, used to always buy me some crap from the middle aisle of the department store..you know the snuggies and knicknacks and whatever is being pushed that season.
Those items went right to the salvation army on our way home, so I can vouch for the fact that there is plenty of new stuff at thrift stores too.
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If the recipient is OK with it then great. If not then you’re giving a gift that the person won’t like. Thats not a good gift. Frugality is fine but the point of giving a gift is to give something the person wants and will appreciate.
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Rosa,
I would suggest that anyone staying in a hotel should leave luggage in the car and check under the sheets for small bloodstains before deciding to stay in the room.
As for thrift store/used/ebay type items, I never order anything from NYC or Ohio, two places that are having a huge bedbug problem. If it comes from somewhere else, then used is worth considering.
L
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My main concern with thrift store “designer” finds is that there is a very high probability that these items are fakes. I received a fake handbag as a gift once, and it went directly to the Salvation Army drop box.
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The only time it would be acceptable to buy a gift at a thrift store would be if that would be appreciated by the recipient! If you are doing it to save yourself money or because you can’t afford it then it is a terrible idea. It would be better not to get anything.
Don’t get an animal rights activist a fur coat even if you’d like to receive one. Don’t get a fashion diva last years designs just because you got it at a good price.
You should also know the person very well. I personally do not like wearing used clothing. Get me something like that and it will become a rag. But almost no one but my wife knows that. Also realize that you would be giving up all the warranties and returnability you get with a new item. You should be prepared to cover that yourself.
I don’t have anything against thrift stores but I think buying gifts there is generally a bad idea.
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As long as it’s in good condition, why not? Fortunately, I don’t gift to people who are “above” second-hand items.
I would rather give and/or receive an excellent, thoughtful, “perfect” gift second-hand than get another mug, candle, set of smelly bath crap (that “all” women like), etc. that is brand new.
I’d also rather give/receive the same instead of a gift card.
No matter where I’m shopping, if I see something and it screams someone’s name, if the price is right, I’ll get it.
In the same vein, I’m not going to go to Goodwill and buy a designer handbag and just give it to someone because it’s designer and was cheap if I don’t know anyone who would love it.
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I would ask your nieces parent (your sibling) about it. They will know best what your nieces will think.
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If it’s something they’ll really like and they’re in great shape, why not?
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Buying a Christmas gift from a Thrift store is okay but there are things you need to seriously consider. One is that the gift will not be returnable if they don’t happen to like it. If it’s something to wear and it doesn’t fit they won’t be able to exchange it for a different size or a different color. Plus there are no warranties or gaurantees on second hand items. Pick and choose your gift carefully and know the gift recipient almost as well as you know yourself or your outstanding frugality and thriftiness could backfire on you.
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I think if the item is in like new condition it is fine if it came from a thrift store! It is better to give someone a thoughtful and classy gift (that you can actually afford) rather than some dumpy-looking brand-new sweater that was on a clearance rack! I am frugal not “cheap” what matters to me is that something is a good value. I wouldn’t mind a second-hand book, retro kitchen item, fashion accessory, piece of furniture, or lamp because I have several of those things (I’m 25).
If you are really unsure, sell the bags on ebay and use the money to get something brand-new.
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I’ll agree with some of the other commenters here. It really comes down to who you’re buying the gift for and the quality of the present. If it’s a designer bag at a great discount, I don’t see a problem with it. But some people would rather have a new bag from an Ann Taylor-type store than a second hand bag from Coach. Then, there are some other people who are into thrift stores and would actually love the fact that you got it there.
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It’s always okay, in my opinion. I don’t see why people are so hung up on WHERE gifts come from. They’re not mandatory, and especially in this economic climate. People just don’t have the means to spend a fortune on your anymore. For someone to be upset that something came from the thrift store is just ungrateful (IMO).
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I think it’s just fine as long as (1) the item looks new and the recipient would have no idea where it’s from or (2) the item is obviously used but you know the recipient well enough to know that she/he wouldn’t mind that it came from a thrift store.
I buy gifts from thrift stores that are clearly used for people that I know won’t mind. For example, rather than getting my sister’s child 1 new book, I bought him about 20 used books for the same price as 1 new one. The kid was thrilled and young enough to not know the difference, and my sister shops at thrift stores and couldn’t care less.
When I was younger, I would have been THRILLED with a designer bag, even if it was used. I couldn’t have afforded a new one, and it would have been great to have been “in style” like that. You could try to find out if your nieces would be more happy or more grossed out by asking their parents or by casually asking them one day if they ever shop at thrifts stores. Or you could mention to them that you bought yourself a fancy handbag at a thrift store and see how they react.
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I suppose the one problem with getting a “name” brand like Coach or Kate Spade from a Thrift store is that unless you are an EXPERT, you have NO way of knowing whether the bag is authentic…or just a fake.
It’s very popular for scammers to re-create brands like Coach, Dolce & Gabbana, and Kate Spade and re-sell to them the public for slightly less prices. An unsuspecting person will buy the bag, thinking it’s the real deal, and indeed, it looks legit – all the logos and tags are there. But a trained expert knows what to look for (ie, a holographic authenticity label, or the sort of materials used).
So you might go to a thrift store and buy what you THINK is a real Coach bag…and instead, you’re giving your loved one a used fake. Kinda defeats the purpose of buying from a thrift store.
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It depends on what you are giving and who you are giving it to. Really, a gift should be something the other person appreciates. If you don’t know the person well enough to know whether they would be offended by it, xnay on the thriftay.
As far as purses I think they are a pretty finicky personal preference thing. Like others said, just because it’s a Coach or Kate Spade doesn’t mean that particular purse is one your neices necessarily like or would use taste-wise. That is, they are all not “equal”. I would hate someone picking out purses for me.
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In this particular example, I would think they are knockoffs (based on seeing so many at flea markets and not being a bag person (as it were) in the least.
In general, giving: depends. Probably not, although last year I gave my husband some legos I found for free and he loved them.
In general, getting: SURE. It’s gonna be awesome, because it shows thought.
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Re: the bags, I think it’s probably fine, but to each their own. Obviously, there are a ton of different views on this, and it’s impossible to know where your nieces stand on this. You can probably sort of tell by their personalities – are they artsy, thrifty type people? Or are their bedrooms filled with shiny new stuff? I love thrift stores and find it kind of easy to tell which people in my life feel the same. If all else fails, mention to them that you went thrifting and see how they react. I’ve found most people have one of two reactions – put off/bored (my family members who think thrift stores are gross places full of other people’s nasty/substandard castoffs) or “Oooh. Where’d you go? What did you find? Did I tell you about the great coat I found at the Salvation Army?” It’s pretty easy to tell which camp someone falls into by simply mentioning the topic.
Re: bedbugs, I have to admit, the bedbug resurgence has put a damper on what used to be an unabashed love of thrift stores and used items and has taken a little bit of the joy out of it for me, though I still buy a ton of used stuff. From researching online, I’ve found an easy way to make sure you’re safe is to throw an item in the dryer on high for 20 minutes. I know some people will be horrified at my suggestion to throw a designer bag in the dryer, but I’d rather do that than have the fear of creepy crawlies in my head whenever I look at the item. You could throw them in a pillowcase to protect them before throwing them in the dryer. I do this with any thrift store item that can go in a dryer. The ones that can’t, I inspect carefully for any signs of bedbugs.
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One more comment – I have to agree with the people who are saying these bags are most likely knockoffs, unless you are and expert and know otherwise for sure.
Unless you know them to be authentic, I would say send them back to the thrift store from whence they came, or keep them for yourself, and find a different gift. IMO, knockoffs are tacky new and just plain unacceptable used (as a gift, anyway)
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Haven’t made my way thru the responses yet and I’m betting there are all sorts of people who say, “it’s the thought that counts!”. There’s a lot of truth to that.
However, I wouldn’t give a used item for Christmas. If I happened to be browsing thru the store any other time of year and came upon the purses, I’d pick ‘em up and simply give them to my neices with an explanation. “Oh … I found these and I know your love of Kate Spade … do you like?”.
Yes, I think it’s tacky to give them as Christmas gifts.
Same thing with re-gifting. Re-gifting is okay if you ADMIT to it. If you were to say, ‘someone gave this to me and while it’s not my taste/size/colour/etc, I thought you might be interested like it … and I definitely want it to go to someone who would love it.”
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If the gift is in good quality (whether new or used) and something the recipient can enjoy/appreciate, I don’t see why the source of the gift should matter.
That said, I can easily envision other people not seeing this the same way so it may also be dependent upon the person receiving the gift.
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Unless you know 100% these bags are authentic-then no.
I’ve found that high dollar bags @ the thrift are generally fakes-especially if they are in good condition.
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My family and my husbands are total opposite in this regard! Mine: Very frugal and very practical. Perhaps too much so!! We usually ask each other what we want/need for Christmas. We usually ask for practical things we genuinely need. Finding something nice (key word: nice!)at a thrift store or garage sale would be bragged about! “I got you this deluxe baking pan like you wanted for only $3 at garage sale!”. Seriously! Husbands family: Gifts must be a surprise. Do not ask what someone wants/needs. Practical gifts are an insult. Gifts should be more “frivolous”. A gift from a thrift store? Good grief NO! Even buying a new gift on sale at a good price (from a regular store) is frowned upon because “then you did not spend enough” and you would need to buy something else to make up for it! Yes, polar opposites!
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As mentioned by others, just because it’s a Coach or Kate Spade bag does not mean it’s attractive. If her nieces care about labels, they probably care about having the latest styles, and I would bet that the bags in question are at least a few years old.
Personally, as a college student I didn’t have much need for a purse; most of the time I was carrying a backpack. Her nieces probably carry laptop bags most of the time.
My gut would be not to give the bags as primary Xmas gifts. But in the interest of teaching thrifting, give them later on as a “saw this and thought you might like it” offering, and use the opportunity to talk about where they came from, money saved, etc.
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Haven’t read all the comments. Hate to be a party pooper, but 99.99% of designer purses at thrift stores are fakes, sold at “purse parties” or the like. Kate Spades and Coaches are among the usual knock-off suspects.
I would give the purses to the nieces (after figuring out if they are authentic) as a side gift.
Many items at thrift stores don’t reveal their provenance: they could be from an antique store, a vintage store (both OK for some reason). Many items are new, some with tags.
If you’re uncomfortable, you could “white lie” and say they are from Buffalo Exchange.
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I don’t know, this sort of reminds me of giving something along the lines of a fruit cake… sorry!
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Personally I have no problem with thrift stores and have found some great bargains there: clothes for my family, furniture, decorative items, etc.
What bothers me about this example is the power of advertisers. Personally I think many people are influenced by ads touting a brand name which often costs a small fortune. This to me is materialism at its worst. That a person is impressed by a brand of clothes, handbags, make-up, car, etc, and may not feel ‘worthy’ unless they have those, has always bothered me.
I love craft shops and bargain shops which offer good quality and often unique items that I find much more interesting than designer things….
Maybe I’m too narrow in my thinking, but having lived overseas for over 30 years – in both developing and prosperous countries – I’ve been in places where workers make those designer bags and know the workers are paid a pittance compared to the end price of the bag. As a matter of principle, I buy locally crafted – and unique – items when possible.
But I digressed…is it ok to buy Christmas gifts from a Thrift Store? If I found the perfect gift for someone, yes, I’d buy it there. But while gift shopping I’d consider the recipient’s overall personality before buying their gift from a thrift store.
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i wouldn’t give a $100 or $10 for any handbag, real, fake, authentic or otherwise…and sorry they are made in china just like tons of other useless crap that people won’t re-purpose or re-gift because it’s (gasp) used!
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I don’t think my nieces would be surprised I got their gifts from a thrift shop. My whole family knows of my financial situation, and they know I dress myself really well on my thrift and consignment store finds.
I’m not worried about bedbugs- these bags have been in my posession for over a month now, and there have been no problems yet.
To answer the questions: they are both in fantastic shape. The Coach bag definitely real. If the Kate Spade bag is fake, it’s a really good one.
I’ve decided to give them as gifts, just not the only gift. I’ve crocheted them both scarves to match other gifts I know they’re getting, and picked up a few little things that I know they’ll use and love, to put inside. In essence, the bags are wrapping. If I sense they have any issue with it, I’ll offer to take them back and get them something else.
Thanks!
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Everyone says it is the thought that counts! If money is an issue and you really put a lot of thought into the gift, why should it matter?
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What’s the purpose of the gift? To demonstrate your frugality to your nieces, or to give them an appreciated gift? Presumably we give gifts that will be of some value or use to the receiver. I mean the whole crap about the thought that counts only matters when the gift can be appreciated or useful to the receiver. If not, then it is a waste of money, no matter if you bought the item used or not.
The other question is why are you trying to demonstrate frugality by buying a label? The label only matters to other people’s perception of what you own, and are you in the habit of buying things for yourself for other people’s enjoyment or your own? Demonstrating frugality would dictate the latter.
I also echo that the item has a high probability of being a fake, in which case you are demonstrating another bad lesson. If you are ok with fakes, then you are ok with trying to portray an image of being able to live beyond your means. Not a frugal principle.
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Personally, as long as it is something that genuinely fits them as a gift and not just something cheap you grabbed off the shelf thoughtlessly {I have received these and it’s disappointing even though I should be grateful they thought of me) it should be fine. I think thrift stores are a great place to find gifts as long as you do it mindfully. I think Brian comment #50 said it very well. There is no obligation to give a gift let alone a new one they probably wouldn’t like as much as the wonderful bags you found at the thrift store.
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A gift that may not be used or appreciated isn’t a bargain, regardless of what a “deal”it was ($70 pens for $5).
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hahaha, this topic gets more responses than
- world domination
- one’s relationship with money
- eating cheaply
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I would use the bags as the “gift bag/wrapping” and toss something small, inexpensive, and brand-new inside. Like make-up items, lip balm, whatever a college kid “needs” these days that fits inside a purse.
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I’m going to disagree with the majority here. Not for a Christmas present!! I buy a thrift stores myself but would be offended– “My aunt went shopping at a Salvation Army?? That’s being a bit of a cheapskate, hm? Not even Christmas is a reason for you to spend a little bit more money on me (make a bit of a sacrifice for my enjoyment)?” Christmas feels like a chance to spend a little more than usual to get something special for your loved ones– getting something for a few dollars should NOT be the point. Unless you’re known in your family to be very poor, I wouldn’t do it. This may be buying into a consumerist fantasy but it still may affect how your nieces feel about your gift.
One other thing to think (and ask) about is that often the whole point of designer items is that they are a status symbol rather than a quality symbol– so if you have the bag it mean you have enough money to have the bag. It’s different from quirky vintage clothing that way.
I’d give another gift, perhaps with the bag “on the side”.
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I think you have to know the people you are buying for and know what they will appreciate it. While it may be a great deal and something they’d never afford on their own, if they are designer yet out of style/season they may not be willing to use them anyway. If they are just going to sit in their closet unappreciated, then it was a waste on your part to get/give them. However, if these are girls who don’t care if things are the latest styles, then go for it. If they aren’t going to appreciate it then you may as well not have gotten them anything at all.
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Hey- I would totally, 100% love a great new bag no matter WHERE it came from. I found a Guess bag for $8 at a thrift store and STILL love it after 4 years.
It really depends on your family. If they wouldn’t mind, then go for it. Try grabbing a new wallet that matches if you feel bad about it, or something small to go with it.
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i like it
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@134 Michelle
Awww. You’re an awesome aunt. I hope your nieces appreciate you!
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It depends on several factors. I would prefer a new current trend inexpensive bag over a several year old Coach style. So I would just be cautious regarding the motive behind the purchase e.g., perceived deal on brand name.
I love thrift shopping, however I always gift new items. At the end of the day I am trying to find a gift the person will love.
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If the gift is something you KNOW they will LOVE (even if it is used), then yes.
On a side note, over the years I have asked to stop exchanging gifts with many people. It was a decision that I don’t regret. I was often getting items I did not want or need and spending money that I would have preferred to go to other places. With the money you save you can buy yourself what you really want instead of getting a closet full of stuff that you don’t want or need. Instead I would rather spend time at a dinner or with friends and focus on that instead of the gift.
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I also would prefer something well made, frugal and interesting from a thrift store over 99.9% of the crap in department stores.
JD can you tell us more about the 5$ gift exchange? What kinds of gifts do people give? Gift giving is supposed to be fun, not stressful ohmygodithastobeperfect. That sounds like it will still be well thought out and creative but without the pressure
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In general, thrift store gifts are only OK if you find something very special or hard to find that you are certain the giftee wants or if you are giving to a another thrifty person. In any other case I would give it as “I found this and thought of you. Would you use it?” and not as a holiday gift. College age girls who like Coach and Kate Spade handbags usually aren’t thrifty.
Holiday present discussions contain all kinds of pat truisms: it’s the thought that counts, give something you would like, etc. IMO, these things aren’t true. Gifts should be something tailored to the recipient, not lessons on how to live or a reflection of your values.
In Utopia none of us would be buying presents for others if we weren’t specifically inspired or close enough to know exactly what they would love. Here in the real world we all face this problem during the holidays. After years of looking for meaningful, interesting, unique, add-your-own-adjective gifts for family members when I have no idea what to buy, I’ve learned to let it go. If I have a brilliant thought I go with it. If not, I buy returnable or generic gifts or gift cards.
Why stress yourself?
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I think a thrift store gift is fine, if you are buying something special there such as a collectible or even special piece of vintage clothing, if that is something the recipient is into. However, to just go there and buy a shirt or something which is contemporary, I would say no – get that at a regular store, even a low-price store, over a thrift store. Thrift stores can be great places to find the unusual or special item but certainly depends on whom you are giving the gift to and should be judged accordingly.
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