This is a guest post from Robert Brokamp of The Motley Fool. Robert is a Certified Financial Planner and the adviser for The Motley Fool’s Rule Your Retirement service. He contributes one new article to Get Rich Slowly every two weeks.
Remember the good old days? Of course not, because they never really existed — at least not the way they’re recalled in old TV shows and movies. But you can still get a flavor for how things have changed by watching old episodes of black-and-white classics like Leave It to Beaver. Speaking of which, here’s an old public-service clip featuring Hugh Beaumont before he became famous as Ward Cleaver. (The satirical comments are provided by the silhouetted robots and human of Mystery Science Theater 3000.)
If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, here’s a line that will give you a taste: “The women of this family seem to feel that they owe it to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested, and attractive at dinnertime.”
My, how things have changed.
Not that my wife doesn’t look attractive every night, but she and my daughters don’t owe anything to me and my son that we don’t owe to them (though we have that whole “don’t leave the seat up” responsibility).
The era of Super-Dad?
Watching this clip — and this actor who came to epitomize the ideal father — it occurred to me that, actually, Ward had nothing on the dads of today. The dads I know are far more involved in the parenting and household duties than their fathers were.
Part of this is necessity, because over the past few decades, moms — who were already super — have increasingly added “make money” to their list of daily chores, requiring them to become super-duper. Dads had to pick up some of the domestic duties or we’d be overrun by feral children who reeked of decomposing McNuggets.
But I don’t think it’s just necessity. I think today’s dads see an active, engaged fatherhood as one of the big ingredients of a successful life. It’s not that previous generations of fathers were bad dads. It just seems to me that today’s dads are more involved — not to mention more likely to be affectionate and sappy.
This could be just a return to how things used to be (except for perhaps the affectionate and sappy part). Before the industrial revolution, most people worked on farms or in a trade out of their homes, and kids worked alongside their parents for a good part of the day. But then adults increasingly left the home, and commutes got longer, and you eventually have parents who see their kids for just an hour or two each weekday. Perhaps today’s dad realizes that’s not enough (and that he should help out around the house more so his wife has some time with the kids, too).
The cost of being a better parent
What does all this have to do with getting rich slowly? Financial planning is often about getting things done:
- Creating and sticking to a budget
- Finding lower-cost solutions
- Researching investments
- And so on
But it’s tough to do that when you work all day, and then take care of the kids and their related maintenance in the evening. By the time you’re “free,” it’s 9 p.m. and you’re exhausted. This, of course, applies to both moms and dads.
Having kids can be a financial double-whammy: You have higher expenses, but less time to earn more money. Raising a child costs $8,333 to $23,180 a year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture [PDF] (which is in charge of this calculation because, far too often, there’s little difference between a kid and a pig). The total cost through age 17 is $205,960 to $475,680. Reproducing ain’t cheap.
Several years ago, I asked Motley Fool readers for their reasons why they don’t save enough for retirement. In an article, I explained that one of the most commons reasons was the costs associated with raising kids (and that’s why I eat my children’s scraps).
Also, a schedule chock-full of income-earning, household-managing, and child-rearing means you’re more likely to have higher expenses due to paying people to do things for you, such as cook your food, clean your house, iron your shirts, and, yes, even help raise your kids. As a wedding gift, I promised my wife I’d learn how to cook. More than eleven years later, she’s still waiting. (That’s just one reason why I, personally, have not reached “super-dad” status. Another involves leaving the seat up.)
As productivity evangelist Merlin Mann explains in one of his presentations, “The things you COULD do are infinite, while your time and attention are FINITE.” He references Joel Spolsky, who uses the metaphor of a box. Only so many blocks can fit it in it, and if you choose one block, that means you have to ignore another one. All this super-parenting and career-building by both parents means that something has to get left out, and I suspect that is often the boring, mundane (but important) financial tasks, especially the ones that have long-term — not immediate — consequences.
And your point is?
Sometimes I write a post or article, re-read what I’ve written so far, and ask myself, “Ummm… what are you actually trying to say here?” I’ve reached that point with this little ditty.
Here’s why I think I wrote this:
- I’m curious: Do you think today’s dads are more involved?
- I’m fishing for commiseration. Over the past couple of months, I’ve found it particularly difficult to get all the professional, family, and financial things done.
- I need your help: How do I finally learn how to cook? A class? A good book? YouTube videos? The Swedish Chef? Börk, börk, börk?
- I love Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Happy holidays, everyone. I’ll see you in the 2011.
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The best way to learn how to cook is to just start cooking. Try spaghetti first, sample a noodle every so often to determine if its boiled long enough (electric stove burner should be on 5). Then open a can of ragu sauce and heat the contents for a few minutes (burner should be set to 1.5). Expect to screw it up the first 2 times you try it and be prepared for the fire alarm to go off at least once.
I think dad’s are more involved today than they were during the industrial age.
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I only glanced through all 50 responses, but apparently I am the only one to report, that is NOT Hugh Beaumont as the actor in the PSA.
Did nobody else catch this?
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Absolutely. Dads are more involved today. My mother would be shocked if she accompanied me to school pick-up to find that there are about 1/3 dads, 1/3 moms, and 1/3 other caregivers (grandparents – even grandpas, sitters) there. When she was raising my siblings and I it was almost 100% moms picking up and dropping off to school.
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I learned to cook early in life, because during the summer my mom would work, and my dad felt that buffalo wings constituted a nutritious and delicious meal. Like others have said, you learn to cook by cooking. Start with recipes, then move on to tweaking them, and eventually you can make your own creations.
I dont have children, but my wife and I plan on having kids soon. I’m a little alarmed by the estimated costs in both money and time, but I’ve found that making more money to get what you want isnt that hard, and that most people who struggle with having enough time to get everything done are usually disorganized time wasters.
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Robert, you can’t do everything perfectly, so don’t even try. After your kids are gone, you will have regrets, count on it. The best thing you can do is love them unconditionally. That goes a long way. As far as learning to cook, my ex-husband never cooked anything but the occasional egg or hotdog. When he remarried a woman who couldn’t cook, he learned real fast. I guess it’s a matter of motivation.
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@Jeannette, while there is certainly something to be said for staying home with little ones, my goal is to stay home with my kids when they are teens. There is no formal paid supervision available for them at exactly the time they can get into the most trouble.
Plus, I’d have lost my mind staying home full time with toddlers. If there were more opportunities to work part time in a professional capacity I would’ve done it. Better to have left my children in the care of qualified, caring women with the patience I lacked.
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Instead of “learning to cook”, why not “learn to eat lightly and simply most evenings during the week”? It will help keep your waistline trim, too!
Unless you’re burning major calories in your job, you don’t need a complicated, time-consuming and high calorie meal at the end of every workday.
Try for dinner: a cheese omelette, spaghetti noodles with purchased pre-made sauce from a jar, leftovers in a tortilla, a baked potato with cheese, or a large salad. If you want to get a little more complicated, steam some fresh broccoli or broil a steak in addition to any of the above.
Save your elaborate meals for the weekend.
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Learning how to cook is like learning how to save. You just have to take the time work at it.
I’m going to be a dad soon and I will try my best to be more involve. I can’t wait actually.
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I’d rather have my dad than Ward. My dad was much more involved than his own father. My dad went to every dance recital I had, but my grandfather couldn’t be bothered to go to a single baseball game. He’s 63 and he still talks about it. Sometimes I tell my husband that we need a wife. You should invest in a crock pot to help with cooking. I have discovered the ways of the crock pot and it has turned me into a little bit of a super-wife. I liked this article. Made me chuckle a bit.
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Learning to cook can be stressful, but it can also be fun. I recommend looking at Good Eats by Alton Brown, if you haven’t already. A bunch of them are up on You Tube, but it also comes on the Food Network, I think. It won’t teach you recipes (which is all a cookbook will teach you) but it WILL teach you to cook. It will teach you the fundamental things you need to know to pull together a meal from what you have on hand, and as a bonus, it’s fun to watch. Two years ago, I couldn’t cook a thing if I didn’t have all the ingredients for one of the recipes in my recipe-box, and now I’m consistently complimented on my ability to make “something out of nothing.” This leads to less waste and more money saved.
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learning to cook – if you have access to the food network i would watch rachel ray or whatever personality you like best (there are a lot of male cooks out there). just watching what they do will give you confidence. similarly you could watch your wife, but i get snappy when my husband lingers in the kitchen when i’m cooking. (especially back seat cooking) rachel ray is great because her dishes are simple. i would start simple – spagetti, stir fry, bbq, etc. (or a favorite dish with easy cooking techniques). if it helps start by buying a sauce instead of making it. i find most of cooking is prepping – cutting, dicing, mixing. then toss it all together with some heat.
i would find a cookbook your family already owns or a recipe you already love and follow it. i would go for an easy win. 99% of feeling like you can cook is the confidence of feeling like you can make a tasty dish. if you have a bad recipe you will have a bad dish. then you will blame yourself. once you get experience you may be able to spot a bad recipe and course correct, but don’t go with just any old recipe on the internet for your first try.
as for the rest of the article, i find this trade off of time and money to be a real source of “frugal” friction. i love reading the PF articles on ways to lower your expenses, but often i think if i did everything DIY i would never see my kids. i had children because i want to be with them. so i find it is worth it for me to outsource time consuming low return chores. i love to cook, but i hate to clean or garden. i would rather pay a gardener and have time with my kids and husband then save the money and lose the family time.
i think that’s a big thing a lot of “frugal” personal finance folks don’t talk about. there is a cost that is different from price. and if you only optimize on money you can make very unhappy decisions. i don’t need to retire earlier if that means i don’t have a happy life up until retirement. i’d rather enjoy all of the moments, which sometimes means optimizing on non-monetary goals.
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I hear you on not getting everything done — we’re not either, and it is so frustrating. We just have to plan family time into our schedules, and not have super high expectations.
I recommend the cookbook “How to Cook Everything.” It features simple recipes with simple ingredients, many of which you can get on the table in a hurry. Look through the book and find a recipe that will become “Dad’s specialty”. Make it over and over until you are expert at it.
DH has has two specialties: scrambled eggs and jambalaya. It took a little practice, but now everyone raves about them. My dad’s specialty is his mother’s chicken soup, which is wonderful.
Soups, stews, and curries may actually be good recipes to start with. The cooking techniques are generally not fussy, timing is not that important, you can often throw in random scraps from the fridge, they make plenty of leftovers, and they are likely to be even better the next day.
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I’m a working woman with kids.
When my husband left after our divorce, I found out that my “home” work went WAY down, even though I still had the 2 kids and the house to take care of.
The extra work wasn’t that he was totally a do-nothing Dad, but I think it was more from us trying to “live up” to the cultural idea of what a happy family was supposed to do–ie sit down to a creative and delicious dinner every night, live blissfully in a spotless house, etc.
Now I just feed the kids what they want (which is plain, simple food with the same thing repeated often). I don’t stress during the week about laundry piling up or toys all over the floor–I can wait until the weekend to catch up on chores and no one cares.
And now I enjoy “real” cooking more because I do it only when I want to have other adults over.
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This post hit home for me. I sometimes (as a mom, who in my mind is always supposed to be “super-duper”) find it difficult to manage everything in my life (career, relationships, parenting, friends, service to others) to perfection. Thankfully, my husband and I work well together to fulfill all of our responsibilities and raise our daughter together. Being that we both have to work outside of the home, we’ve decided NOT to have more children at this time, but the experience of being a parent is not something I would ever give up.
Thanks so much for the great post, Robert!
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If the men have to put the seat down, I propose that the women must put the seat up when they’re done.
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@Steven:
Re the toilet seat issue, the only solution is for EVERYONE to put the seat AND the cover down. Unless you have pets that need to drink out of the toilet, of course.
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# 47,
There is a lot more to life than being “gainfully” employed and seeing how high you can stack your money. Just as some people have no interest in having children and choose not to, others have no interest in living for a job. People have interests outside work AND children.
For most people $50,000 is a very high income. Most households do not make a combined six figures. The median individual income is around $33,000. It is also very likely that a person who stays home with kids would only find low paying job opportunities. There are millions of Americans now practically begging for minimum wage jobs.
In my situation, it costs more for my wife to work than not. In fact neither one of us works outside of the home, and that would not change if we had no children. We might work less and spend on different things/activities.
People make choices and prioritize spending. There is not much difference in my spending compared to when I did not have children. It is just allocated in different ways.
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If you really want to cook, pick a dish that is simple (boiled eggs, chocolate chip cookies, etc.) and that you really like. Read a recipe thoroughly before you start, then get the right ingredients and make it. While making the dish, use your powers of observation: Is the cookie the shade of brown you expected it to be? Is the pasta as tender as you expected? Use your senses to tell you when the food is ready! Then you practice, a lot, until you can accurately say you can cook.
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Yeah I think you guys are more involved with the kids in general. Maybe. I don’t think you had a choice though.
It’s hard to get everything good at the same time. I’ve written about the four burners theory a couple of times after seeing something on it at Art of Non-Conformity (http://chrisguillebeau.com/3×5/the-four-burners-theory/) which basically says you can’t do everything right all of the time, you have to do it one burner at a time.
This of course works beautifully with your wanting to learn to cook. I too suck int he kitchen. I did find the book How To Cook Everything pretty damn helpful and overwhelming. There’s a Basics version available too that I swiped from the library recently.
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As a note to all those learning to cook: multiply the overall prep times given on recipes by 2 or 3. Those times are usually estimates given by experienced cooks who have made the recipe multiple times, not novice cooks trying it out for the first time.
Secondly, use times given in directions like “Sautee for 10 minutes or until golden brown” only as ballpark estimates: the golden brown color is what you’re looking for, not the time. Your kitchen equipment such as ovens and the range are probably quirkier than the the equipment they’re using and are hotter or colder, so the times won’t match. (An oven thermometer is a great investment!)
And always, always, read through the ENTIRE recipe before starting! You don’t want to be blindsided by a “Now, leave in the fridge for 2 hours” or some sort of wacky cooking technique that you’re unfamiliar with when you’re halfway through and getting hungry.
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Ooh, one more tip! The way in which an ingredient that specifies a prep technique is important.
1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 cup chopped walnuts
are NOT the same. The order of operations is from left to right: in the first example, you want to measure one cup of walnuts, then chop them up. In the second example, you chop the walnuts first, then measure out a cup.
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1. As a father myself I do feel that I am more involved then my own father was, and from his history he was more involved than his father was. I really think that can also be contributed to the change in work schedules. I really have a more flexable work schedule than my fahter does and he had more more flexable schedule than his father did.
2. There is never enough time in the day to do everything you want or even need to get done. Prioritize, prioritize. (I find listing out what needs to get get and then what I want to get done and then checking it off works wonders for actually accomplishing the important things.
3. Just experiment in small batches (like a servings worth) with different things and make a meal following a few recipes. With the experimentation you learn what goes with what and what creates certian effects (baking powder and water adds air into the dish, but without something to hold the air in while it cooks (like egg yolks or flour with gluten) it makes no difference), while with reading the recipe you learn some of the fundamentals of cooking.
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I really like this article! It is nice to hear a father’s perspective. I get so caught up in the “Whoa is me. Being a working mom sucks.” mentality that I forget that it isn’t a piece of cake for my husband either. Breakfast for dinner is a quick no-fail dinner that doesn’t require advance cooking skills. Beyond that, start with simple recipes like roasted chicken breasts:
http://www.chow.com/food-news/54292/the-basics-how-to-make-roasted-chicken-breast/
Add a salad and an unfussy vegetable dish (sweet potato fries are a favorite in our house and easy too) and you have a family-friendly dinner in under an hour.
http://www.countryliving.com/recipefinder/oven-baked-sweet-potato-fries-3483
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@52 bagelgirl
“I only glanced through all 50 responses, but apparently I am the only one to report, that is NOT Hugh Beaumont as the actor in the PSA.
Did nobody else catch this?”
I caught it! The dad isn’t Ward, the narrator is http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0276048/
Yup, 21 years of being forced to watch Leave it to Beaver reruns.
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So Sad to hear those that report not having children for purely financial reasons. I have found that they are so rewarding and enjoyable, even with the additional stress they create. Which is more at this time of year as we try to be perfect and have the perfect holidays happen etc… I have heard if you wait until you are ready to have them you never will.
@Holly– Totally agree, hope to be home with mine more when they are older too !! By getting myself on some financial firm footing right now.
@KM– So funny how pleasing someone else and fitting in the perfect mold creates the stress too!! I had the same realization when I got “Un-engaged” last year.
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Yes Dads spend more time with kids nowadays. Moms do as well. Parents in general spend more time with kids.
Thanks for the MST3k clip.
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Everybody can cook. It is not as daunting as it sounds.
I agree that the best way to learn how to cook, is to cook, and helping in the kitchen.
Learn to cook something that you really like to eat, not just something simple. Pick a favorite dish, think about it, find a recipe and make it over and over again. Soon, you’ll recognize the ingredients responsible for the flavors that you know.
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Set your DVR to record Good Eats any time it airs on the Food Network, and put it on whenever there is nothing else to watch. I have seen every episode of that show, and just by watching, I pick up on techniques, learn recipes (or better yet, learn what combinations of ingredients go well together), and have a desire to try them all out. I think its a great way to learn basic cooking techniques
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I guess it depends on the people in your circle. If you are an involved parent (father), its natural that all your friends will probably be the same way. I know and see people of all types. I guess if you’re somewhat middle classed, college educated, “enlightened”, well-read, and all that jazz, then yes. I see a lot of the contrary as well. Its not cut and dry, black or white.
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I used to be super career driven. I used to be an uber-entreprenuer. I used to carefully manage my budget. I used to think we “could do without”. Then, a very wise older gentleman changed my life with this:
“You only have 10 summers with your kids”
Think about that… the first 4, they don’t remember, the last 4 (14-18) they don’t want to be with you. Each time I consider spending a weekend doing something to save $ at the expense of doing something fun with the kids, I think of that phrase.
Sure, I’d love to reap the rewards of compounding gains on my fat RRSP. But if it comes at the expense of seeing my 5 year old’s face when she sees Belle at Disney world, I’d rather work a few more years in retirement or even… eat dog food when I’m 95 (at which point who cares).
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I’ve been “learning to cook” for twenty years now, and I still consider myself a novice. There were some great suggestions already made… to those I would add:
- ask your friends who cook to share with you their “easy” recipes. Experienced cooks will have more than a few of these on hand, and they can also give you helpful hints like “it says to cook that for twenty minutes, but you really need thirty”
- give yourself enough time…pick a day off and a fairly straightforward recipe, and let yourself work through the steps at your own pace, when there aren’t starving people glaring at you
- the blog Casual Kitchen has some great articles. I recommend reading their pointers on “how to tell if a recipe is worth your time” and “the 80/20 rule”
- double check that you have all your ingredients on hand before you start. If you aren’t the primary cook in your house, you might think that bottle of dijon mustard is still in the fridge, when in fact it was used up three days ago
- get everything out and prepped ahead of time. Read the recipe thoroughly, and watch for “gotchas” like temperatures in Celsius in stead of Fahrenheit (I’ve ruined many a meal this way…)
- as much as you can, watch others cook. Recipes often don’t tell you things like how to tell when “the liquid has run out of the mushrooms”, etc.
As for the parenting subject, my hubby and I have chosen not to have kids because we just know we don’t have time in our lives right now. I sympathize with folks who are trying to do it all – I know I couldn’t handle it!
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Lots of advice on cooking here.
Mine would be, if you don’t really want to learn to cook, find some other way to live up to that promise.
If you DO want to learn, ask your wife if you can shadow her in the kitchen a couple of nights a week and take notes on what she does (simple recipes).
Then do all the cleanup.
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The secret to learning to cook is to get excited about it. For this purpose, I recommend browsing at the book store for cook books with wonderful photographs. When something grabs you, buy it and give it a try. I also recommend listening to “The Splendid Table” on NPR. Try the New York Times site and http://www.npr.org for good recipes with attractive pictures. Play music in the kitchen and have a glass of wine while you wait for things to simmer. And I agree with another person who suggested pot roast. It’s the first thing I learned to cook. It’s so satisfying. Have fun.
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Loved the post – very funny!
But I had no idea dual parent households had such time management problems.
I think parents are way too helicopter-like compared to the way they used to be which isn’t so wonderful.
When in doubt put the oven on 400 degrees.
Don’t buy clothes you have to iron.
Note to self: Remember to more effusively thank my 10 y.o. the next time he makes supper.
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The mysterious science theatre clip made me smile. I work constantly when I have the kids I make the most out of every second I have with them. I tried to get an involved as possible, taking them on camping trips, etc.
The working dad has it harder these days than in the proverbial “Glory Days” for sure.
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Aside from personal preferences and stereotypical gender rules… studies show that a huge amount of germs get sprayed out of the toilet if the lid is left up when it is flushed. In my opinion, every one should put the seat & lid down… and most people are completely capable of lifting one (or both as needed), and returning them to the closed position in very short order. It’s just a matter of deciding to make it a habit.
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Sad to see the “Mommy Wars” spreading to daddies and non-daddies on this board. There doesn’t have to be a war over this. There’s enough choices to go around for everyone.
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Dont feel bad, I dont cook. I look to my husband for this. In my family the joke is we learn to cook once we have kids. Im assuming this will happen when the baby comes and then when it can eat solids. So I still have time to procrastinate!
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#61 CJ. I have to ask, why would it be a choice to clean/garden OR spend time with your kids. I DIY all the stuff that is discussed and yes, I spent time with my kids. they helped me garden, the cleaned. We canned together and cooked together. Somewhere theres this big assumption that “spending time with your kids” requires sitting down on the floor and playing legos or sitting side by side. While that involvement is important, so is the companionship of basic daily activities done with your children, be it gardening, cooking, sewing, ome improvement, garage saling or any other normal day to day activity.
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I’m the father of a 1-year-old. My Dad was hands-on in all the right ways from the get go. Both my parents worked and I spent days with my grandmother, but they were also both teachers, so we had lots of quality time after school and in the summers.
I work 40 hrs in an office 35 minutes from home, and worry that I will not be able to give my son the time my Dad gave me. We spend lots of time together on the weekends, and I try to put him to bed every night and play with him in the bathtub before. I also see him for about an hour each morning. Our relationship is strong and loving but I want to make sure I never become complacent about committing time to him.
I try to clean and do laundry as time permits, but it’s not easy.
My father-in-law was born only one year after my Dad, but my FIL was raised with a rural Southern worldview, and his gender role assumptions are much more traditional. He waited in the hall for all his kids to be born, my Dad held my Mom’s hand each time.
I think more of the US has moved towards acceptance of the role that my Dad assumed for fatherhood in the 1980s that was not encouraged for my FIL at the time.
The dual-earner trap has also forced the hand of families. My wife and I try to give each other breaks and nights off to pursue our hobbies, to the extent they still exist.
I think the key lies in saying “no” to the right things. Write a core statement down of what you REALLY want to do in life. Then do it. Say no to other commitments. It’s amazing how much small stuff you take on before kids that is sort of “off-topic” from your biggest priorities because you can do so.
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Learn to cook?
I’ve checked out the blog from your first commenter, and his site is excellent! It’s a little advanced for me, but I plan on trying a few things he has listed.
Oh, and by the way, that Pam Anderson’s “How To Cook Without A Book” isn’t Pamela Anderson from Baywatch…
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@91 MR– I was TOTALLY wondering about that.
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Semi-OT, if memory serves, you like Elizabeth Warren’s book, All Your Worth; her book The Two-Income Trap is an interesting take on some of the issues you mention here (I don’t recall her taking up — haha — the toilet-seat issue). The title notwithstanding, she’s not advocating that one parent stay home, but she makes an interesting case for how an assortment of society-level phenomena (for example, local funding of public schools) have put pressures on families in a way that leaves many of us feeling that we’re running just to stay in place.
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Interesting article… I do think that most dad’s today are more involved… In fact so involved that some parents tend to try and run their kids lives as if they were adults. Over-scheduling and over-committing them and the entire family. It seems at times that our ultra-competitive society has gotten a bit out of hands with it’s kids. My wife and I purposefully limit the number of activities and always make sure there is more open time in a week for the kids to just be kids versus scheduled sports, actinides and events. Would love to hear what tactics others use.
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on a side note – I see the crock pot advocates have already commented, so I have to make a plug for a pressure cooker and Lorna Sass’s book “vegetarian cooking under pressure” – i’ve adapted all our old crock pot recipes to the pressure cooker easily, plus the veggie- and bean-heavy stuff in Sass’s book are way better than any healthy crock pot recipe I ever found in years of looking. My mom’s ham & split pea soup takes 20 minutes total – 5 to cut up ham and measure things, 10 to get to pressure, 5 to release & serve. As opposed to all day in the crock pot.
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As far as cooking goes I would recommend working up to it:
1. What do you like? Is there a packet mix for it? try making cakes or cookies using a packet mix.
2. Once you have cooked *or burnt* them a couple of times try making the same thing from a scratch. That way you already know what it should look like at each stage.
3. Adapt the base receipt by adding nuts or chocolate chips or MnMs, etc.
The next three things that I recommend learning are:
1. How to cook pasta. (Generally better to slightly under-cook than over-cook).
2. How to make a white sauce.
3. How to cook mince.
With these three key skills you can make:
* Spaghetti = pasta + mince
* Fettucini Carbonara = pasta + white sauce
* Lasagna = pasta + mince + white sauce
* Nachos = mince + white sauce + chips
* Savory Mince = mince
* Pasta with any bottled sauce = pasta
* Tacos = mince
Once you are comfortable with the mince and white sauce you can expand to things that are similar:
white sauce -> custard
white sauce -> any sauce
white sauce -> gravy
white sauce -> pancakes
mince -> stew
mince -> satay
mince -> stir fry
mince -> chicken
I personally find it easy to kick my wife out of the kitchen because she can not help herself and always ends up taking over which stops it from being fun and stops you from making mistakes and learning from them.
It also might be a good idea to have a backup plan in case something goes wrong (it will). Cakes and cookies are good because you can live without them. Lunch is also a good meal to make since you can always have sandwiches instead.
But instead of learning to lots of things you only need to learn to make 4/5 things well:
1. Cakes – packet mix then from scratch.
2. Cookies – packet mix then from scratch.
3. Pasta
4. Mince
5. White sauce
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One of the concrete signs of the changing attitudes toward parenting in general and fathers in particular, are the baby changing stations showing up in men’s restrooms. When I first saw one, I thought, how *would* a father out alone with a baby change the baby’s diaper, without one? (I’m single, so not an issue for me yet.) I don’t think anyone in Ward Cleaver’s day would have even considered that as a problem, let alone expected any public restrooms to offer a solution.
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Loved the article.
My husband is way more involved than my dad ever was. But on the other hand, I am also way more involved than my mother was, and I am a working mom while she stayed at home! I think the standards of parenting have changed a lot since the last generation.
I do find that for myself and the moms I talk to, the moms are still carrying the majority of the “house-work” burden, even while working the same hours as their husbands.
But I also do not feel as crunched for time as I used to when my daughter was younger. Things that have helped are: preparing her what she wants to eat (simple, plain foods) instead of fussier meals that generally did not get eaten, having a cleaner come in every few weeks, having a bin system for all her toys to make daily clean up easier, and having a set schedule that has her in bed at 8pm sharp each night to give me a bit of downtime to myself.
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Great post… I do think dads are more involved!
The part of your post that struck me was how hard it is to get everything done that you want to get done. I can relate. (we have a 12-year-old and 6-year-old). Seems so much energy, time and money goes just to maintaining — there is little cushion and room for thinking, dreaming, planning, reflecting, refining.
I’ve learned, though, that little tips here and there help. The GRS site is awesome for that! Thx for the post!
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Just wanted to say that I always enjoy Robert’s contributions because they are extremely insightful and entertaining, please keep up the good work. I can commiserate as a tired single mom who is both mother and father to my 3 year old daughter…parenting is expensive and exhausting and worth every penny and minute. And Mystery Science Theater 3000 is wonderful and I miss it!
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