Since we have a lot of really good recipes, the recipe-following skill is sufficient.

The part of your post that struck me was how hard it is to get everything done that you want to get done. I can relate. (we have a 12-year-old and 6-year-old). Seems so much energy, time and money goes just to maintaining — there is little cushion and room for thinking, dreaming, planning, reflecting, refining.

I’ve learned, though, that little tips here and there help. The GRS site is awesome for that! Thx for the post!

My husband is way more involved than my dad ever was. But on the other hand, I am also way more involved than my mother was, and I am a working mom while she stayed at home! I think the standards of parenting have changed a lot since the last generation.

I do find that for myself and the moms I talk to, the moms are still carrying the majority of the “house-work” burden, even while working the same hours as their husbands.

But I also do not feel as crunched for time as I used to when my daughter was younger. Things that have helped are: preparing her what she wants to eat (simple, plain foods) instead of fussier meals that generally did not get eaten, having a cleaner come in every few weeks, having a bin system for all her toys to make daily clean up easier, and having a set schedule that has her in bed at 8pm sharp each night to give me a bit of downtime to myself.

The next three things that I recommend learning are:
1. How to cook pasta. (Generally better to slightly under-cook than over-cook).
2. How to make a white sauce.
3. How to cook mince.

With these three key skills you can make:
* Spaghetti = pasta + mince
* Fettucini Carbonara = pasta + white sauce
* Lasagna = pasta + mince + white sauce
* Nachos = mince + white sauce + chips
* Savory Mince = mince
* Pasta with any bottled sauce = pasta
* Tacos = mince

Once you are comfortable with the mince and white sauce you can expand to things that are similar:
white sauce -> custard
white sauce -> any sauce
white sauce -> gravy
white sauce -> pancakes

mince -> stew
mince -> satay
mince -> stir fry
mince -> chicken

I personally find it easy to kick my wife out of the kitchen because she can not help herself and always ends up taking over which stops it from being fun and stops you from making mistakes and learning from them.

It also might be a good idea to have a backup plan in case something goes wrong (it will). Cakes and cookies are good because you can live without them. Lunch is also a good meal to make since you can always have sandwiches instead.

But instead of learning to lots of things you only need to learn to make 4/5 things well:
1. Cakes – packet mix then from scratch.
2. Cookies – packet mix then from scratch.
3. Pasta
4. Mince
5. White sauce

I’ve checked out the blog from your first commenter, and his site is excellent! It’s a little advanced for me, but I plan on trying a few things he has listed.

Oh, and by the way, that Pam Anderson’s “How To Cook Without A Book” isn’t Pamela Anderson from Baywatch…

I work 40 hrs in an office 35 minutes from home, and worry that I will not be able to give my son the time my Dad gave me. We spend lots of time together on the weekends, and I try to put him to bed every night and play with him in the bathtub before. I also see him for about an hour each morning. Our relationship is strong and loving but I want to make sure I never become complacent about committing time to him.

I try to clean and do laundry as time permits, but it’s not easy.

My father-in-law was born only one year after my Dad, but my FIL was raised with a rural Southern worldview, and his gender role assumptions are much more traditional. He waited in the hall for all his kids to be born, my Dad held my Mom’s hand each time.

I think more of the US has moved towards acceptance of the role that my Dad assumed for fatherhood in the 1980s that was not encouraged for my FIL at the time.

The dual-earner trap has also forced the hand of families. My wife and I try to give each other breaks and nights off to pursue our hobbies, to the extent they still exist.

I think the key lies in saying “no” to the right things. Write a core statement down of what you REALLY want to do in life. Then do it. Say no to other commitments. It’s amazing how much small stuff you take on before kids that is sort of “off-topic” from your biggest priorities because you can do so.

The working dad has it harder these days than in the proverbial “Glory Days” for sure.

But I had no idea dual parent households had such time management problems.
I think parents are way too helicopter-like compared to the way they used to be which isn’t so wonderful.
When in doubt put the oven on 400 degrees.
Don’t buy clothes you have to iron.

Note to self: Remember to more effusively thank my 10 y.o. the next time he makes supper.

If you DO want to learn, ask your wife if you can shadow her in the kitchen a couple of nights a week and take notes on what she does (simple recipes).

Then do all the cleanup.

- ask your friends who cook to share with you their “easy” recipes. Experienced cooks will have more than a few of these on hand, and they can also give you helpful hints like “it says to cook that for twenty minutes, but you really need thirty”
- give yourself enough time…pick a day off and a fairly straightforward recipe, and let yourself work through the steps at your own pace, when there aren’t starving people glaring at you
- the blog Casual Kitchen has some great articles. I recommend reading their pointers on “how to tell if a recipe is worth your time” and “the 80/20 rule”
- double check that you have all your ingredients on hand before you start. If you aren’t the primary cook in your house, you might think that bottle of dijon mustard is still in the fridge, when in fact it was used up three days ago
- get everything out and prepped ahead of time. Read the recipe thoroughly, and watch for “gotchas” like temperatures in Celsius in stead of Fahrenheit (I’ve ruined many a meal this way…)
- as much as you can, watch others cook. Recipes often don’t tell you things like how to tell when “the liquid has run out of the mushrooms”, etc.

As for the parenting subject, my hubby and I have chosen not to have kids because we just know we don’t have time in our lives right now. I sympathize with folks who are trying to do it all – I know I couldn’t handle it!

“You only have 10 summers with your kids”

Think about that… the first 4, they don’t remember, the last 4 (14-18) they don’t want to be with you. Each time I consider spending a weekend doing something to save $ at the expense of doing something fun with the kids, I think of that phrase.

Sure, I’d love to reap the rewards of compounding gains on my fat RRSP. But if it comes at the expense of seeing my 5 year old’s face when she sees Belle at Disney world, I’d rather work a few more years in retirement or even… eat dog food when I’m 95 (at which point who cares).