Women and Money: Slaying Stereotypes and Facing Reality
Published on - December 28th, 2010 (Modified on - January 20th, 2011) (by April Dykman) This post is from staff writer April Dykman.
Do women need specialized personal-finance resources specific to our gender? That’s what some financial advice books seem to imply. Slate writer Hannah Seligson points out that bookseller Amazon.com has a “money management for women” category, but no category specifically for men.
Some of the cheekier titles in the category include:
- Shoo, Jimmy Choo!: The Modern Girl’s Guide to Spending Less and Saving More
- Does This Make My Assets Look Fat?: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Financial Empowerment and Success
- Addicted to Shopping and Other Issues Women Have with Money
- Divanomics: How to Still Be Fabulous When You’re Broke
- How to Shop for Free: Shopping Secrets for Smart Women Who Love to Get Something for Nothing
There seems to be a general theme around spending. Even as I was writing this post I saw an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where, to cover up his own overspending, Raymond blames his wife Debra for compulsive spending.
“I see the ways she dresses, and takes the kids to the mall,” says Raymond’s mother right before pointing out Debra’s “very nice outfit.” Everyone believes Ray’s story that Debra is a compulsive shopper. But, in the end, it’s Debra who stays up late to balance the checkbook and fix the family finances.
“And do you know why I do it, even though I really hate it?” she asks Raymond.
“Because you’re an adult, and if it wasn’t for you, all of this would be a big smoking crater,” he says. And that’s true in many families. (It used to be true in J.D.’s family, for example.)
It’s a prevalent stereotype that women love to shop, shop, shop — but is there any truth to it?
Not according to the Consumer Expenditure Survey from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The survey measures the spending habits of U.S. consumers and includes data on expenditures, income, and demographic characteristics. Data shows that women and men spend about the same amount on wants — they just spend their discretionary funds differently. Women tend to spend more on their clothing than men, while men spend more on restaurants, audio/visual gadgets, and transportation.
Men vs. Women: Shopping Addiction
What about true shopoholics, or those with compulsive buying behavior? (Compulsive buying is characterized by uncontrolled urges to buy, and by adverse consequences from doing so.) Earlier studies have shown that compulsive buying affects from 1.8% to 16% of the adult U.S. population, with 90% of compulsive shoppers being women. (I was unable to locate the original studies citing these statistics — they seem to be widely reported without the original source listed. And, yes, that range from 1.8% to 16% is huge.)
In 2006, Dr. Lorrin Koran, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University, conducted a nationwide random-sample household telephone survey. Over 2500 people rated their spending habits on a Compulsive Buying Scale. The study found that more than 5% of adults are compulsive buyers, and the incidence of compulsive buying behavior was similar between men and women (6% for women, 5.5% for men).
Where women are falling behind
The stats show that women aren’t as flighty with their spending habits as commonly believed. At least, they’re no more so than men. So what accounts for the female-focused personal finance advice?
One area where women do fall behind is retirement. It’s not that they don’t save or value retirement planning. TD Ameritrade’s annual survey showed that 68% of women are resolving to save more money in 2011, compared to 62% of men. The Hartford Financial Services Group released research findings showing that plan participation among women increased 9 points to 70%. (Men increased 5 points to 71%.) Of the survey participants, 69% said they completely or mostly understood their retirement plan benefits, up from just 56% in 2009. (Men also saw a jump from 75% in 2009 to 83% in 2010.)
Gap in confidence, lifetime earnings
The TD Ameritrade survey found that there was a gap in how confident women were about their ability to reach their personal financial goals. More men (39%) than women (27%) felt confident they can contribute regularly to an IRA in 2011.
I’ve written about the hurdles women face in retirement before. Women live longer, yet they make less over their lifetimes. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2009 women who were full-time wage and salary workers had median weekly earnings that were about 80% of the earnings of their male counterparts. Women also are more likely to leave the workforce to care for children or family members. It’s no wonder that many women feel less confident than men about meeting retirement goals.
Given this data, shouldn’t personal finance books for women address the unique retirement issues they face?
Instead of advice on how to “shoo Jimmy Choo,” I’d like to see titles that offer advice like how to take off time to raise your kids without sacrificing your retirement. What about solutions to keep the stay-at-home mom abreast of changes in her industry so she isn’t behind the times if she reenters the workforce? I’d like really focused, researched information about why women are less likely to negotiate their salaries, and psychological insights about how to overcome those fears and move up the corporate ladder. (Speaking of, I also found a book called The Girl’s Guide to Being a Boss without Being a Bitch, yet no counterpart seems to exist for men. Instead all I found were books on how to work for a jerk and “manage your boss.”)
Of course there are money books for women out there with less cutesy titles, but to me, the sugar-coated personal finance books reinforce stereotypes and do the women who might pick them up a real disservice. Shopping isn’t a problem unique to women, but lower lifetime earnings and longer lifespans are actual issues that need careful consideration.
My position is pretty obvious by now, so I’d love to turn this over to the GRS readers. What do you think about the types of personal finance books for women mentioned in this article? Are they valuable? Also, if there are any money books for women you’ve read, serious or silly in tone, share the titles and your thoughts on them.
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It’s the opposite in my relationship…he impulse shops while I much prefer seeing my savings account grow. It also means I get a ridiculous thrill out of the small things that I do buy when I shop. I get that some people shop when they’re bored or emotional; I’m more likely to eat or go for a run…
I guess the difference is middle class vs working class and knowing how to manage money vs the paycheck to paycheck mentality. He never had good financial role models, and is only now learning that there’s another way to live.
I’ve learned about money through blogging and message boards, I guess, and although I’ve read a lot of PF books none really stood out. I guess Your Money or Your Life helped me to think about lifestyle in a different way…that’s the one that probably made the most impact.
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I think this is why I have paged through Suze Orman’s books aimed at women and not found much “there” there. Lots of fluff about “needing to take care of yourself” and very little concrete information.
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Women spend money on clothes and gifts because women buy the clothes for everyone in the family, and they probably do most of the gift-shopping too–not just for family members but all the birthday parties, housewarmingparties, baby showers , weddings, etc. I don’t think women have a problem with frilvilous spending. Rich women have a problem with frivilous spending. My mom rtan the finances in our lower middle class home , and she rarely spent a penny on herself. And we kids worked for our parachial education but also anything extra we wanted–clothes, music, money for games and dances, etc. I decided not to go to my prom because the $250 bid ticket was too high–that’s like, a whole lotta books and movies with friends! I laugh everytime I see women spending money on one of these books. They are all common sense and if you use your head you don’t need them. Look at some of thse writersposting onthis and ACTUALLY TRYING TO SHILL THEIR WARES AND DROP THEIR EMAIL ADDRESSes–to hook more people and convince them to buy their simpleton products! Unbelieveable. SOme people have no common sense and some people have no shame.
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Great article, April. I’d love to see more like these.
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P.S. “Smart Women Finish Rich” was the first PF book I ever read, and it helped me a great deal. Some books geared toward women do manage to hit the nail on the head.
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When you consider the fact that the majority of Americas who declared bankruptcy since 2004 have done so because of 1) unemployemnt and 2) health issues /emergencies NOT covered by insurance, being SMART has zero to do with being rich. That kind of thinking is misleading, defies the statistical evidence, and only encourages women –and men–to continue to buy into the belief that wealth has zero to do with luck, circumstance, and financial security to begin with. The rich get richer and the poor have gotten poorer and the disparity between the two is greater than ever before. Women have actually done financially better in the recession because they have not been the targets of layoffs.
A woman who has a problem with compulsive shopping needs to see a psychiatrist, not buy a pink personal finance book.
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Sounds like a book you should write April!!!
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Women have a huge disconnect with money, and while it might not be with every woman, I believe that the hope that someone else will come to rescue us is very big. (i.e., Prince Charming, the Government, or some rich family member or friend. The book by Mikelann R. Valterra “Why women earn less”, says it all.
But men have their problems too with money, it is just that no one talks about it, not even themselves. It’s time to address overspending with men too.
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Good questions Samantha
I “feel” for my daughter because she is constantly being bombarded with “why are you staying home instead of working? You are so well educated….” I also feel for her- because I was in the same situation 27 years ago in the same town. It is difficult to be a SAHM when there are few around making that choice. They could move- but my son in law’s job is pretty specific to the area they live in.
Since we retired early, we know how important early IRA contributions are. THEY appreciate the choice that we make. It works for all of us. Since she is not working and able to contribute to a 401K- this is one way we can say how much we appreciate her work at home.They don’t NEED anything else.Taking that particular savings pressure off gives them a chance to save for other things- like a house in an expensive part of the country.
My sister has funded her son’s IRAs since he started working in public service- barely making enough to get by… another tough choice.
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I think an African proverb is apropos -“Until the lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter.” Not to demonize anyone, but I would imagine that publishing executives are disproportionately men who make decisions about what is marketable. These decisions are not made in an idiosyncratic-free vacuum. Authors may even be encouraged to simply their material.
There also seems to be an insatiable appetite for the sensational and provocative instead of the nuanced and mundane. The latter is more substantive and indicative of real life. Some topics are so weighty that people shy away from the very persistent problems that need to be confronted – women living in abject poverty in retirement, couples failing to plan for the wife’s retirement if she opts to stay home, family lawyers not doing a thorough job during the proceedings to make sure that any compromise or settlement is equitable.
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Why make general statement? As commenters pointed out, more families have women who take care of financial health of the family than not. Or, may be, because we are on PF blog and are aware of what to do. But in either way, I don’t believe in separating books for men and women when it comes to such topic. We all need same advice on how to live within means, care for family and prepare for the future.
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@56 Margie… Smart has something to do with it. Just a personal anecdote, but a relative of ours went into bankruptcy over a $6K medical bill. We can cover $6K easily because we’ve made other good decisions about money. He already can’t pay his bills, if he lost his job it would be a catastrophe for his large family. We could live several years without employment on our savings. Our stuff isn’t as nice as this relative’s stuff, but we have a lot more in the bank.
Some things are unavoidable, but we do create our own luck in many cases.
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For Christmas, I asked for and received a copy of “Make Money, Not Excuses” by Jean Chatsky. She relied a lot on stereotypes as to why women don’t necessarily save for retirement, etc., but her financial advice was sound. I ended up loaning the book to my mom, who is 53 and struggling with the demands of being in the sandwich generation. I hope she finds the chapter aimed at older women to be helpful; the bit I skimmed made a lot of sense (like moving to an equally sized house in an area with and not-as-good schools, since school quality is no longer an issue and taxes tend to be higher in areas with better schools).
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@ Sara: Chatzky’s advice is “sound” because it’s common sense. It’s something anyone who hass ever had to actually pay his/her own bills already knows. ALL of it. You shouldn’t have to pay $20 to learn this at age 35, which is the demogra[hic to which this book is clearly directed. Her chapter about how “wanting to be taken care of appeals to the “princess in all of us” nearly made me vomit my breakfast…and no,I absolutely did not buy the book, I literally skimmed it in a Barnes and Noble, and I suggest everyone do the same with all her and other PF books before purchasing them. Buy the books that are NOT directed at women. The advice is the same. Other advice in that book and others is misplaced and stereotyped. Like I said, a woman who has a problem with chronic spending and compulsive shopping needs to seek professional help–not “take a bath” or “go for a run”, as Chatzky’s book simplistically advises.
Also studies have shown that women do NOT get raises comparable to men’s, whether they ask for them or not, regardless of the manner in which they ask for them. Lisa belkin of the New York Times covered this extensively, and in fact when she was asked about it on Chatzky’s radio show, Chatzky had no idea how to respond to the results of this study. She asked Belkin, “WHat’s a woman to do?” and Belkin replied there wasn’t much a woman really COULD do, period. WHich is why we need an Equal Pay Act in this country–to ensure that women are compensated equally and that it is the law.
Nicole, I disagree. SMart has very little to do with being wealthy in this country. In fact, some of the most intelligent people in this country–physicians, arguably–are paid less and less because of the health insurance crisis. Being”smart” does not mean being lucky, and the two have nothing to do with each other. Making intelligeant financial choices is something we can all try to do, but it has become clear that making intelligent financial choices are becoming impossible for a growing number of people who simply are struggling to survive , stay out of debt, pay off debt brought on by unemployment (even smart people lose their jobs), an upside down housing market (even smart people –aforementioned “money expert” Chatzky herself,as she has written–is upside down in this housing market, college costs increasing at three times the rate of the cost of living, and the health insurance mess. These realities–and add to that that gas prices may hit $5 a gallon before 2012–are all things that no one–no matter what your IQ or EQ or level of education–can control. Just because you haven’t had financial troubles yet doesn’t mean you won’t have them in the very near future, and it will have zero to do with how smart you are about/with your money.
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@64 Margie
I’m not sure what you mean by “smart.” I thought you were referring it in the context of “Smart People Finish Rich” (e.g. common sense about money) but now it appears you’re referring to it as IQ (which, according to the Health and Retirement Study, is correlated but not perfectly).
My point was that because I have made good choices that a financial emergency for someone who hasn’t made these choices is not an emergency for me, just an annoyance.
A LOT of the choices I’ve made were a combination of my natural abilities, good upbringing, and a strong degree of risk aversion. There’s a reason we have life insurance, umbrella insurance, disability insurance, and so on. There’s a reason both my spouse and I are employed and have higher education degrees in marketable fields, even though we could get by on only one salary. There’s a reason we could get by several years on our savings even though we’ve only been out of school a few years.
In terms of intelligence, being able to do math helps a lot, career-wise and makes a person attractive to all sorts of different employers. So does being able to write well.
If you’re smart and apply yourself, you can go to college for free in this country. And you can get paid to go to graduate school. Being smart in an IQ sense helps a lot if you apply it.
Doctors may make less than they used to, but they still make WAY more than the median income in the US even adjusting for the bills for education that they take out. A college educated person still has a lot more opportunities than someone without a high school degree.
The spectre of $5/gallon gas doesn’t bother me. We don’t drive a lot and have efficient cars. Rising education costs also not such a big deal– we will have well over triple digits in the 529 by the time our kid is in school. We are anticipating that and saving for it. We have a large emergency fund and access to credit markets. When you buy a house that is less than you can afford and pre-pay the mortgage, you are less likely to be underwater even if/when the market crashes.
Yes, luck is important, but you can and should plan for worst case scenarios to your best ability. Like First Gen American was posting recently on her blog ( http://firstgenamerican.com/2010/12/27/happiness-is-independence/ ), if you take a fatalistic attitude and don’t plan for future problems or fix the problems you have, you’re going to be pretty darn miserable. Cheer up! There are things you can do so that you happen to life rather than life happening to you.
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@ Nicole: I am book-smart and street smart, I was refering to both AND “all” definitions of the term. Being careful about your money is not necessarily the same thing as being “smart” with your money. “Smart” people take big risks and they pay off. But they can afford to take these risks (stocks, investments, etc) because they have the extra money to do so with. People who are careful with their money avoid debt at all costs, but the “Smart” (rich) people know that some debt–educational debt–can pay off, and take these low interest loans out to make other investments, because they know–based on their backgrounds, they will secure a high -paying job, say in a relative’s law firm, etc. (These are not any of the recent 40% of law school grads who can’t get a job that pays more than $40 grand a year when the average law school debt is more than twice that.) These are people who are living off mom and dad–not at home , mind you, but playing adult i their entry level jobs and big-city apartments they could never afford with their paychecks) until they get their head above water. or getting the down-payments for homes etc, and having parents who are able to co-sign credit cards and pay off high balances to ensure a solid credit rating early in one’s adult life. The stats prove it, sorry. I don’t need cheering up. I have a great credit rating, money in the bank, and I don’t own a home because I knew–back in 2004–that the housing market would melt down. I don’t know this because I am a personal finance “expert” (keep in mind none of these experts warned us that this bad housing market was coming, some, like Chatzky, actually bought at the market peek and most–like Bach–insisted that buying a home was the best investment a person could make, even as late as 2007!!)–I knew it then because it’s common sense. The market was insane and an economic meltdown as a result was utterly inevitable. The advice in these books is trite and superficial. Just like the women who feel better about their compulsive shopping by looking for “bargains” (it ain’t a bargain if you don’t need it and can’t afford it, honey. Can I write that down and get paid $20 for it a pop?)I’m not certain whyyou think I need your advice or “cheering up”. I am in great shape financially because I simply used common sense and avoided debt at all costs. I had 529s up and running the week my kids were born–and they will take many of their ed courses at a j.c. the summers before they graduate from high school, as well as AP courses to get college credit and get out early. We will be buying a home in the next year at less than half the price–a quarter of the price, in some cases–as our relatives did. because we were cautious and we waited to purchase whast we could afford.
I didn’t need a book to tell me to do this nor did I have to hear “targeted” advice because I am female. And like I said you can plan all you want for worst case scenarios–there are plenty of Americans who did–and lost everything in 401ks and are being crushed by student loan debt because these PF experts kept telling them, “Student debt is good debt”. These PF experts also continue to tell people to keep their credit cards, meanwhile the credit card companies are holding cardholders hostage–charging customers for NOT using their cards, among other BS. Chatzky works with Visa and American Express, by the way. No mystery why she insists people need credit cards–which they don’t… I was able to rent apartments and get jobs early in my career without credit cards–it’s called having a job and a paycheck and references. And you can’t rent a car until youa re 25 anyway–Chatzky et.al kept insisting that college students “need” credit cards to be able to “rent a car”. (?)(!) Do these people ever do any reporting?
The plain fact is there are many many Americans who have played it smart and played by the rules and many more who have followed the advice of these PF buffoons and are in financial trouble –either as a direct result or regardless. Men and women alike. It doesn’t sound to me like you read these books either, which are full of not only dated stereotypes, but really just plain outdated and BAD advice.
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Also: The $5 in gas prices will affect EVERYTHING. Again, common sense: Who’s going to pay for the gas in the trucks and the airlines that gets the produce you buy to the supermarkets you shop in, for example?
yet another reason people don’t understand basic economics, how they work, and why your individual money “savvy” means nothing in a world where the cost of everything is increasing and the standard of living remains the same.
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@67 Margie
Honey, I have a PhD in economics from one of the top schools in the world. I understand inflation, general equilibrium, technological change, and all sorts of things that make the doomsday scenarios you’re talking about unlikely. I’ve also read more personal finance books than you can shake a stick at, and I didn’t try to insult your intelligence or your knowledge. I don’t need to.
So cheer up and try to move forward so that if the worst does happen you’ll have your own safety net. The basic fundamentals still apply: spend less than you earn, don’t accrue high interest debt, insure against risks, put savings in diversified investments, invest in yourself. If you do, it’ll be ok.
I hope I don’t sound too much like Tyler K. It can be hard being that awesome.
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You’re assuming the authors of these books are writing/publishing them as a public service. Nope — they’re trying to make a sale! The truth is this:
a) Books about shopping, psychology, and female stereotypes sell better than books about retirement funds.
b) The information you’re looking for is totally out there, but not at Amazon.com. It’s on the internet, and you don’t need to buy it. It’s free! Which should be even better for all of us savvy spenders.
I would also like to add that it was a random channel-flipping Saturday afternoon where I left the TV on PBS because there was “nothing on” while I cleaned the house, when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Suzie Orman’s televised “Women And Money” speech. Now, this speech contains zero money/investment/financial advice. Instead, it plays to psychological and sentimental factors. But it hooked me in, and I credit that show for being the mental catalyst I needed to whip my finances into shape. It didn’t give me all the advice & information I needed, but it did give me a sort of confidence-boosting kick in the butt. It was what I needed to seize control of my five-figure debt.
Money management is 5% math and 95% mental. That 95% is where all these books fit in.
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In answer to wanting to read a book about women and negotiation issues – I really enjoyed Women Don’t Ask -that might be a good start for anyone interested in those issues. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/192313.Women_Don_t_Ask
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Nicole, again , you’re telling me to cheer up and this–aside from being ineffectively deflective– has nothing to do with the argument I am making–and most others are making–against these books. I have no idea if you have a PhD from the London School of Economics or Wharton or anywhere else, but if you insist (as you did in your earlier post)that rising gas prices won’t affect you because you drive a fuel efficient car, then it’s clear your knowlege of economics is lacking. Regardless of what degree you do or do not have from what school, be that Harvard (did a lot of good for Bush–and the U.S.– that MBA, right?) or Arizona State (where you get credits for watching Dancing With The Stars).
I was also trying to compliment you with NOT having read these books. I take that back if have have spent one dime of your hard-earned money on ANY of them–especially if you have a PhD in Economics, as you claim to have.
My point is that these books are misdirected, misguided, inaccurate and simplistic. They are helpful only to those who know zero about personal finance because someone has paid for their lifestyle all their lives. The advice in these books are outdated and misleading.
Frankly, Nicole, the very steps you have described in your life key to success wuld be a recipe for financial disaster if you were to prescribe them to any young adult today. A cover story in Time magazine called out the 401ks for being what they have proved to be: failures at safeguarding the retirements of Americans. Student loans (federal and state) ARE severely limited (regardless of what Chatzky, Bach, Orman et all tell you every Today Show segment) and the private loans are just like credit cards and will do as much damage to your credit rating if you for whatever reason default. They are also less available. Any 18 year old who takes out more than a year’s tuition in ANY loans –or anything above $40,000–for ANY undergrad degree is looking at the possibility of serious debt. No student should take out private loans. It will not necessarily pay off–and student debt cannot be forgiven. EVER. Even professional degrees aren’t repaying their value–law students can’t get jobs and med students are defaulting. Thsoe fuel-efficient cars? Once gas prices increase their demand, the supply won’t catch up because manufacturing is down in the U.S., and the prices for these cars–and the cost to insure them–will sky rocket. Just because you hav and I have our finances figured out does not mean we are clear of crisis in the future–brought on by nothing we can contrrol. The more others suffer–that crisis will eventually trickle up–and down–and all around–to all of us. It already has in the UK, Ireland, and increasingly, Asia and India. Thats how economics works. And personal finance experts do everything they can to disassociate economics from personal finance, because if you really understood the world view and the larger picture, you wouldn’t waste money on their stupid books. That not only are short-sighted and outdated–they rely on emotional response from the reader, allow the reader into victim/empowerment cyclical thinking, and push stereotypes and generalizations that are rhetorically effective on those who don’t know any better.
Pollyannish thinking isn’t going to help anyone–lest not you. Put that degree to work and stop trying to sell Oprahisms and various versions of “The Secret” to others. Your anecdotal evidence is just that: anecdotal. It’s not empirical and it’s not scientific. It means nothing.
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Scholarships also–are very limited, in reality. They are also something of a money-making scam. Usually it costs a fee–anywhere between $50-100 –just to apply. These committees usually have a pool of students they already are considering from. Some are relativee; others just favors or “recommended” candidates. College admissions in general are a huge money-maker, and colleges will try to get as many students as they can to apply without being realistic about admission chances or financial aid availability. In fact, colleges make a substantial amount of money from students who apply, get in, but don’t get the financial aid they need to actually attend.
Yet Bach and Chatzky and orman and others will blithely tell you that there is plenty of financial aid available for college–all you have to do is ask for it. Total B.S. Orman didn’t even attend college and Bach and Chatzky had parents who footed 100% of their fancy college bills.
The poster who pointed out these Pf”experts” are just snakeoil salesmen are 100% right. the real financial books worth your hard-earned $ are not so clever, not so colorful, long and dense and really not so much fun to read. And no: They aren’t a “religious, Come-To_Jesus” reading experience. They are the cold hard facts you need to know.
Any book that attempts to “appeal to you as a woman” is just like the male boss of yours who does the same.
Condescending. Sexist.
Worthless.
A load of gossipy crapola.
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And finally? There is something altogether insulting and ignorant about “cheering up” or telling any one person to “cheer up” when so many people are suffering so. It’s really ignorant and obnoxious. I have no intention of “cheering up” when our country–and good hard-working people in it–are headed for social and economic ruin and these people make substantial amounts of money off ignorance and emotional button-pushing.
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Great post April!
Personal finance books aimed just at women are a little like parenting books aimed just at single parents – a few of the issues are different but mostly children of single parents need the same things as children in more traditional families. You just have to be more creative to provide it. The same with women and money. We need the same things as men, just some of the details are more complex.
My favorite personal finance book isn’t specifically written for women but it is written by a woman- – Jane Bryant Quinn’s “Making the most of your money, now”. JBQ doesn’t talk down to her readers and she does address issues that affect women more than men – intermittent work histories, single parenthood, etc. I bought a copy of her earlier version of this book when I was first divorced (with a toddler in tow) over 20 years ago. She gave me the confidence to take care of myself, something I wasn’t so sure of at the time.
And Elisabeth (#49)- You describe my parents as well. Dad always carried one check in his wallet while Mom kept the checkbook and handled all of the major bills. When I went to college, most of my feminist friends (in the 1970′s) were surprised that my more working class family had such a “liberated” mother. Most of their mothers had no idea what was going on with the money.
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There are three things that need to be addressed that aren’t.
1. Women shop but shop smarter while men shop quickly, buy larger ticket items and tend to carry more credit card debt.
2. Women still approach a relationship as if it were a two sided coin – the woman on one side, the man on the other, what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine and between we will meet. Not good. Unless men begin to realize that this is a collective, where both are adding to the value of the whole, it will be the woman who ends up financially short in the long run. One person mentioned the low cost of a man’s grooming and the high cost of hers – in a dual income one budget household, the cost is shared. Just like the retirement plans, the insurances, the household expenses – to be contributed to and bought with both in mind. never should a husband ask: how is your 401(k) doing” instead, they should be looking at how “our 401(k)” is doing.
3. Women are smarter investors and if their men would just listen – better yet, if women had been in charge over the last decade, we wouldn’t have been in this economic cesspool. This isn’t to say they are adverse to risk but the embrace it without the bravado and one-ups-manship that drive men! Combining the two as one extends far beyond the vows and should roll over into every financial aspect of the relationship until death do they part. And when that happens, the survivor will be far better off financially – and statistically, it will probably be the woman! Happy New Year and toast to financial fidelity!
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Thanks for highlighting this topic, April. I have felt for a while that a lot of finance self-help books written by women seem too patronizing and stereotypical of women. I haven’t really thought of financial lingo as ‘male’, though I am a financial analyst myself so that may have something to do with it. I have personally heard from friends and relatives (women) who easily dismiss their ability to understand personal finance with a ‘Oh I just leave it all up to him’ and that makes me really sad.
As to personal finance books written by women, there are a couple of great ones that come to mind (Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office, and Ask For It).
Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office was an amazing kick in the pants for me because it describes very specific behaviors that we unconsciously do and that could be perceived as weak (not feminine) in the current work environment. Ask For It outlines very specific negotiation tactics and looks at several studies that show that women and men perceive each other in various roles of power very differently, hence an aggressive tactic that could work for a male may not work for a female. I liked the techniques the authors suggested – to come off as strong and determined and not aggressive, if you wanted to increase your chances of winning your negotiation.
I have seen several of Suze Orman’s episodes on the Oprah Show and come off every time feeling like she isn’t really talking to my demographic when she says things like “Feel like you are in control, Take control”.. Comes off just as patronizing and stereotypical as the books about Shoo-ing Jimmy Choos.
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