its so true—i wanted to clear serious debt in 3 years.

as ive never been out of debt for 25 years my 3 year plan to clear debt quickly was too perfectionist and i was getting depressed falling behind,and was going to give up.

ive looked at the bigger picture—im lowering my debt monthly–not increasing and in a 5 year term i will be debt free for first time in my life.

I enjoyed your post and appreciated your honesty about your perfectionistic tendencies. I’ve been thinking about how to wean my kids away from these tendencies and thus began to think more about my stepfather’s plan with me. I just wrote a longer piece on what he did with me last month on my blog.

This is such a life long pursuit, like staying on top of one’s finances! I too find a yoga mindset is helpful with all these issues. Thanks for your post!

This year I have set a few simple daily goals as my resolutions. I’m practicing yoga for at least 15 minutes a day (it’s short, but manageable and often I end up going longer anyway), flossing my teeth, and not drinking soda. It’s been really helpful so far to take these resolutions one day at a time. It’s not about achieving absolute perfection in any of them (although that would be nice), it’s about doing things that contribute to my health and that I enjoy. I think it’s very manageable to just approach each day by itself, and soon I’ll find that a month has passed where I’ve done yoga every day!

Once I gained significant experience investing in the stock market (and in real estate) I came to appreciate how many random things there are in life. Trying to, perfectly, plan out how everything will go in life just started to seem too silly based upon life experiences.

So my suggestions for anyone who is not making the progress they desire:

1. Set goals – I set them with a range of objectives (I use a goal and then a stretch goal). Out of about 10 goals I set each year, about a third are carry-overs from the previous year. It is OK not to hit them all – in fact I don’t expect to hit them all – and I’m always surprised by which ones I achieve and which ones I don’t.

2. On a smaller scale, I have to-do lists each day that align with my yearly goals. I don’t expect to get them all done, but I know if I have a list I’ll get more done (towards my goals) than if I don’t have a list.

3. Set goals that are meaningful. Money and titles never motivated me (and that bothered me). When I set those kind of goals, they were always hollow and even when I achieved them, it never felt quite right. Instead, I liked to fix things (organizations, project, software, etc.) that were not working. I liked being healthy. I liked being knowledgeable in my field. I liked being financially independent.

I figured these kind of things out by regularly asking myself a few questions: 1) What do I really want to do right now (this moment), and 2) What do I enthusiastically spend time on each day. These helped set natural goals for me, things I was inclined towards. I had to learn to ignore all the other noise (seek money, promotions, possessions, rewards, recognition, etc.) and pay attention to my inner motivation.

I also didn’t have to do it perfectly (though it can still bother me a lot). Life became fun again when I focused in this way.

I will also say this: one of the most freeing experiences I ever had was a few months ago, when I moved to a new city and a few students in my program organized a fun run. I wasn’t completely sure I could run the distance, but once I realized that I didn’t sign up because I was scared I’d poop out, I forced myself to put my name down. Guess what? I did poop out. I…made the group stop. (I’m blushing writing this now. I’m still embarrassed.) But here’s the powerful thing I learned: the group stopped. They were nice. They did not point and laugh. We had a nice conversation for the last mile back. I stopped the group. I publicly failed. I was publicly worse at something than other people. And, to my surprise, the sky didn’t fall.

Baby steps.

It seems to me that you did do that though – through your actions, the results just hadn’t caught up yet. That’s where I believe very strongly in having outcome goals sure, but really focusing on the process to get there on a daily / weekly / monthly / yearly basis. Nobody would say something like “I wish I could not be 100 pounds overweight and just weigh 120 and maintain that weight.”

Re. Tyler’s argument over the benefits of perfectionism, I’m with him as well, being a perfectionist in some ways is awesome.

http://bps-research-digest.blogspot.com/2008/07/athletes-benefit-from-being.html

The Einstein info. is a myth though, he actually did very well in school.

Rejoice that the negative side to perfectionism is not a problem you have ever experienced!

Apparently myself and an anonymous writer on wikipedia are the only two people who share my take on perfectionism, which seems to be the same thing J.D. is calling ‘optimalism’.

I think part of what prompted my initial strong reaction to the article wasn’t just the (in my not-widely-shared opinion) misuse of the term ‘perfectionism’, but also because it seemed to be saying “I fail because I’m a perfectionist” which came across to me similarly to saying: “You know how Einstein did poorly in school because he was such a genius that he was bored by all his classes? Yeah, I’m like that.”

Which prompts me to think “Really? are you sure that’s the reason you’re failing? Are you sure you’re not just looking at your failure through rose-colored glasses to show yourself in the most positive light that still allows for failure? What other possible reasons did you consider before you came to this conclusion?

If you, like me (and apparently few others), were viewing perfectionism largely as a virtue instead of a shortcoming, then you can see why someone would prefer to blame their failures on that, because at least it makes them look virtuous in one aspect. If you think of ‘perfectionism’ as entirely negative, which is how I’ll assume it’s used on GRS from now on, then this doesn’t really apply.

I’m not sure I really have anything further to say on the topic.

I love the top photo! Reminds me of a mediocre half moon pose I did on a glacier a couple years ago (not perfect, but I tried and now I can say I did yoga on a glacier!)

I homeschool a bright child, and this is a subject we discuss a lot. She’s nine and used to quit things quite quickly if she didn’t immediately get the results she wanted.

But for the past year I’ve been praising her for persistence and effort, rather than clever results, and it’s worked wonders. She’s much more patient with herself now and much more realistic when assessing her own progress. I’m so proud of her.

Like many of the other readers of this blog, I’ve struggled with the all-or-nothing mindset myself, and it’s no fun.

At least I can help my daughter avoid that trap.

By the way, a great book on the subject is “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Carol Dweck.

They have VERY good sound editors at Marketplace radio. So even if you’re a nervous wreck (which you won’t be), you totally won’t be able to tell once you’re on air. They’ll edit out the parts in which you’re not perfect.

Very exciting!

Seriously, you are right. Tyler’s comment got my dander up is all, and I was in a hurry. So, I dashed that comment off without taking time to mitigate my self-righteousness. But I figured Tyler could take it, too, because he often adopts a similar attitude.

Tyler, for a great survey of the research into perfectionism, see Tal Ben-Shahar’s book The Pursuit of Perfect, from which I’ve pulled this quote:

The central and defining characteristic of perfectionism is the fear of failure. The Perfectionist is driven by this fear; her primary concern is to avoid falling down, deviating, stumbling, erring. She tries in vain to force reality (where some failure is unavoidable) to fit into her straight-line vision of life (where no failure is acceptable) — which is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. When faced with the impossibility of this endeavor, she begins to shrink from challenges, to run away from activities where there is some risk of failure. And when she actually fails — when she sooner or later comes face-to-face with her imperfections, with her humanity — she is devastated, which only serves to intensify her fear of failing in the future.

This summarizes my own experience with perfectionism, and the experience of the other perfectionists I know. One of my good friends is an outstanding distance runner, one of the top ultramarathoners in the country. But for a long time, she’s avoided setting her sights too high. Why? Because if she misses her target, she’ll consider that a failure. This year, she’s vowed to set big goals, and to find a way to deal with failure. She’s trying to overcome her perfectionism.

Ben-Shahar calls this attitude Optimalism: “For the Optimalist, failure is an inevitable part of the journey, of getting from where she is to where she wants to be. She views the optimal journey not as a straight line but as something more like an irregular upward spiral — while the general direction is toward her objective, she knows that there will be numerous deviations along the way.”

Psychologist Asher Pacht echoes what April has written in this post: Perfectionists exhibit all-or-nothing thinking. There is only success or failure. There’s no in-between: “For Perfectionists, only the extremes of the continuum exist — they are unable to recognize that there is a middle ground.”

Perfectionism can manifest itself in many ways, not just all-or-nothing thinking. People become obsessed with the goal rather than the journey. They become defensive. They criticize others (or themselves) that fail to live up to their lofty expectations. They’re rigid in their beliefs and harsh in their judgments. Most of all, Perfectionists have low self-esteem.

Ben-Shahar: “Because the life of a Perfectionist is an endless rat race, his enjoyment of success is short lived. He is far more likely to dwell on his failures than on his successes, because when he succeeds in achieving a goal, he immediately starts worrying about the next goal and what will happen when he fails to achieve it.”

If you want to know more about this (including studies to back up these statements), pick up a copy of Ben-Shahar’s The Pursuit of Perfect.

Not everyone is a perfectionist, but I think all of us have a little it in us. One of my favorite examples of how perfectionism is actually a fear of failure is the Paradox of Choice, which we’ve discussed at GRS before. What is the Paradox of Choice? It’s a fear of failure. When people are given more options, they’re less able to make a choice, and they’re less confident about the choices they do make. Why? Because they’re afraid that the choice they make is not the best one. When there are fewer options, people are happier — there’s less of a chance they’ve made the “wrong” choice.

So, in short: I’m sorry to have snipped at Tyler, even though I do think he’s wrong. There’s copious documentation out there about perfectionism and the fear of failure. I’ve read a lot of it. More than that, I’ve lived it. I am so much happier now that I’ve surrendered and learned that sometimes I’ll just goof up. My post about the power of yes? All about overcoming perfectionism. My post about building confidence and destroying fear? All about overcoming perfectionism.

Finally, one last example: Later today, I’m giving an interview for Marketplace Money. This is a show I listen to on NPR all the time. It scares the living daylights out of me to do this because I want the interview to go perfectly. I’m afraid of failing. But I’ve learned to force myself to ignore these fears and do things anyhow. So, I’m going to do the interview — even though it may well and truly suck.

Besides, there are many facets to “perfectionism” and it can manifest differently in each person and each situation.

Defeat perfectionism.

IU learned not to obsess over goals but just achieve close to it month by month

Yes, it is true that perfectionism can be a force for good too. It’s important to not let it be a force for bad.

I have been reading a lot of psychology research books on giftedness recently, and they ALL address perfectionism. Giving up and not starting (and, since they’re kids, refusing) are covered in detail. The majority of the time in these books is spent on the negative rather than the positive aspects of perfectionism. Why? Because the positive aspects don’t need any help.

That April is only addressing the negative aspects of perfectionism and not the positive aspects is not disingenuous. She’s writing a public finance article aimed at helping people achieve their goals, not a research article describing perfectionism as a subfield of psychology. She’s also under no obligation to use psychology jargon or lingo.

Adding to that, even the wikipedia article discusses a few of the many different ways of conceptualizing perfectionism, some from psychologists, some from self-help books. A handbook chapter on perfectionism would list even more arguments about exactly what the definition of perfectionism is, because there isn’t just one that everyone agrees on; there are several.

And I do want to say, as a side-note, in the subfield in which I am an expert, Wikipedia is not 100% accurate, does not get all the nuances, includes unrelated research etc. (The article on my sub-field used to be perfect, but other people have added to it since then. ) The length of the wikipedia article devoted to different aspect of the issues has no relation to their importance in the academic field. (Specifically, the longest portion of the article now is how my research area works out in Hollywood… I mean, seriously?) The researcher in the field who takes the most space has more free time on his or her hands to work on unpaid uncredited encyclopedia articles than those who take less space.

Man, what a waste of a lunch break. I shouldn’t let myself get into these kinds of arguments.