Early in our relationship it became clear that I was a lot better at budgeting and keeping track of our finances (and using financial software), so we came to the agreement that I would do the finances, but he would write & mail any checks that had to be written. I would still set up any electronic payments. Since then, that has evolved to him also making credit card payments by phone.

We now own a business and I keep track of the finances for that as well so my part has become bigger, but he still makes the payments for it and also fills out most of the forms and handles the insurance. I also am no longer doing taxes, so that has helped (though preparing for them is pretty time-consuming).

This has worked out pretty well, though he can procrastinate and that can cause some tension.

We also have separate finances and each track our own expenses and such. However, I’m in charge of other financial tasks like comparing insurances, doing taxes, and managing investments. In return, he loads and unloads the dishwasher.

I tend to do all the dishes and ironing at home. I don’t get paid for it, but I don’t mind doing it. Again it is just about working together.

We originally had the plan that I would do all dishes and trash and she would do all the laundry. I HATE laundry, I would go through the same ritual of wearing everything once and then wondering if I could get away with a second day in dirty clothes. We both know that chores, any chores, eventually will be put off or late, so we have tokes we trade back and forth.

When she gives me a token, I have to do her chores as well as mine for that day. We try not to abuse it, it’s really more for when one of us has had a really tough day.

PS. What program are you using to track your register? It looks mac based, but I can’t tell. TIA.

It works for us! And I do pay every once in awhile, just like helps with chores every once in awhile. But yes, it saves me being driven crazy by chores piling up and he makes enough to afford our dates.

He does most of the dishes because he hates dishes sitting around, but if he cooks, I do the dishes. He’s also got massive dust allergies, so I do all the dusting.

We inadvertently ended up with his ‘n’ hers bathrooms: the master bath in the house we’re renting is teeny tiny, so I stored all my stuff in the hall bathroom, letting him have that one, and we fell naturally into the habits of using our own bathrooms. Especially because the shower in the master bath is also teeny tiny and I hate it. It’s been a wonderful thing as we have our own preferences in toilet paper, toothpaste, and levels of cleanliness, and we never fight about them.

I don’t necessarily agree that the ideal is a husband working while the wife stays home (barefoot & pregnant?). I’m sure I’m reading more into your comment than is actually there, and I apologize if that is true, I always look forward to your insightful comments.

However, the 21st century woman in me bristles at the idea that my highest calling should be taking care of domestic tasks. I have a responsibility to provide for my family, too. In our house, that means I work. My husband is blessed with artistic abilities, and I with a mind for math and programming. Mine pays better, so off to work I go. (Actually, we both work now, but if one of us should need to stay home when kids come, it will be him.)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a career as a homemaker, but I do take issue with the implication that men whose wives work somehow aren’t doing their job, or that a wife needs to be provided for. Children need provided for, women (in this century and country) do not.

As for myself, we do joint laundry. If I want DHs help and I think he’s slacking, I’ll dump the clean laundry on the bed. You’re not allowed to go to bed until it’s folded and away.

We have separate finances. We use a joint credit account for joint expenses, but we have separate credit cards, savings, chequing, etc.

Though we have similar incomes and work similar hours, I tend to do much more around the house. We share a vehicle (share insurance, gas and maintenance costs) and he does most of the work related to the truck (eg, take it to service apptms). Plus, he paid for it. I’m not certain it’s equitable, but it works for the most part.

Hope the leg heals quickly, Tyler. FWIW, I am the breadwinner in our family since we welcomed our second child in June. Before that, my wife’s pay went directly into joint savings. We practiced living off one income for a few years since having one parent home with the kids was a huge priority.

Besides that little anecdote, haven’t heard of many other such situations. It is a GREAT book though and I am really enjoying it.

Tyler K – ouch! heal fast! Hope you were doing something fun…

When my now-husband and I moved in together (in the house I bought by myself), I kept paying the mortgage and he paid all the other utilities/ bills. He had serious debt that he was paying off and I made more $$$ so it made sense and helped us both (the bills were less than his previous rent so the extra income paid down the debt). I realized during that period that he hates paying bills, and was often late or almost-late. So when we got married, we combined all our finances, and I took back bill-paying and other day-to-day financial tasks (I kind of geek out about following everything on Mint). He’s in charge of investments/ long-term planning, which I have no interest in. I had a cleaning service for a while but cut it out when I started working from home. But I HATE to clean so I would only do it when (a) the house was truly filthy and I couldn’t stand it anymore or (b) we had company coming. My DH actually gets annoyed by the dust and dog hair before I do, so he now does all the cleaning, except the bathroom I use. He doesn’t clean as thoroughly as I might, but it gets done and I don’t complain. Every few months I choose an area (fan blades or blinds or baseboards) and deep clean. We have fallen into a routine without thinking about it for everything else. I enjoy cooking and naturally favor healthier foods than he does, so I do the grocery shoppping and cooking, and keep the kitchen clean because I’m in it more. He handles all home maintenance and projects (which are many in a 1920s bungalow) in addition to the cleaning.

I think laundry is the funniest thing to ask a couple about because it reveals so much. When DH moved in with me (a year before we married) I told him I loved him but was not his mother or wife, so he could keep doing his own laundry as he had been for years. Then we got married and neither of us thought about it, we just kept doing our own laundry. My girlfriends gave me a hard time about this, so now I will occasionally grab his clothes and throw them in with mine, but most of the time I don’t even think about it, and we each just do laundry when it needs doing. I’m sure once kids enter the picture this will change as the laundry multiplies!

The wife is a masseuse, and every year she gives her husband 12 coupons for massages (one for each month). If he wants any more than that he has to pay her normal rate.

It truly depends on the area. I live in a low-cost area of New York (state, not the city), and my mortgage + taxes + utilities + internet + fees is only $850/month. When I had an offer from NYC, the cheapest rent in the worst neighborhood would have been more than $2000.

My fiancee and I could get by on just my wage if we had to (as we will do for at least a few years when any future kids are young), but it would be a very frugal existence.

Do you live in a particularly affordable part of the US? Our rent is cheap for the UK and we still spend $1200 a month minimum on rent, taxes and food etc.

Thanks for staying involved and sharing the goofy stuff.

-Ken

For example, I recently found him a box of Cohibas on Craigslist for about 1/3 of retail. Though I don’t condone this habit, my hubby likes to smoke a very occasional cigar. This way, he gets to enjoy a better quality smoke at a fraction of the price, plus he will have to put up with some extra thrift shopping (which he appreciates me doing, as long as I don’t drag him along).

For the record, I do his laundry, but he does the ironing – he’s much better at it than me!