The fact is, if we don’t know her, we cannot know if she will regret it, if it is too much, or much else.

What is valuable for me to spend $50 on is different than what is valuable to someone else. She obviously has some concern because she asked the questions. She’s better off asking her therapist whom she is paying and who, theoretically, knows her.

Because every person’s definition of self-improvement is slightly different, might a percentage system be a more helpful as an answer rather than what each of us thinks about getting a massage?

That she is grad student doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to do anything else or have any other interests. Nor does being frugal mean one only spends money on certain things and not on others.

I do not proclaim to have answers for her. I do not know her, I do not know how much she values the activities she mentioned, and I do not know what prompted her to ask the questions she did. I know if even a small percentage of people older, and supposedly more responsible, had saved $400 a month, there would be less financial crisis than there currently is, no matter age or spending habits.

Secondly, I believe that we should be in constant search of what our purpose is in life and finding our gifts and being clear about what we want. Often, this is where financial freedom lies.

Personally, I think we should all have whatever we want in life and we can, we just have to know what our limiting beliefs are and take a few other steps to make the necessary change in our life that keeps us in bondage. What’s unfortunate most of us was never taught that we can have the life we want so we end up settling for a lot less that what we’re capable of.

My recommendation is that if you’re going to take self developments courses take courses that is going to help you to understand your beliefs about money, you cannot change what you do not know . I took a class last year that helped me to understand what my beliefs are about money and it literally changed my life.

I think self development is a wise choice as long as you put what you learn to action. What I know for sure is that school prepares us to get a job and build someone else dreams but it doesn’t prepare us for how to live a life of abundance and live our dreams.

My “quick and dirty” rule of thumb for self-improvement comes in three steps:
1.) Define your goals. Write them down. Think about them seriously, over and over. Prioritize them.
2.) Write down the steps necessary to accomplish the first one or two goals. Research the realistic paths.
3.) Delegate your budget accordingly.

If you want a raise, invest in your wardrobe. (If you work from home, don’t.) If you want to be in better shape, join a gym and hire a personal trainer. If you need to relax, get a weekly massage or do yoga. If you want to ease your way into High Society, go to as many galas as possible. Do each within your budget (after skimming off some of your income for savings) and don’t focus on more than one or two at a time.

She bought tickets to ONE museum gala, not a series of them.

IMO everything Annie is doing for “self improvement” is either directly educational or directly good for her physical health. Neither of these categories says “luxury” to me.

Since she is saving and has no debt, I’d say she is spending exactly the right amount.

Since I got out of school I have found it incredibly satisfying to have my own income and pay my own bills, make my own budget, make my own mistakes, splurge on things that I want, and build my own savings. I find it very healthy for my self-esteem, and also much simpler since there are clear parameters for what I can and can’t afford! Of course I realise how lucky I was to have my education paid for and not to have student debt, but there was that downside.

I guess my advice for Annie would be to make very clear savings goals. You could use JD’s balanced money formula and systematically save 20%, or make some projections for how much money you want to have saved down the road for a house or for retirement. Since you already live below your means, you could choose to save aggressively and have the satisfaction of watching your savings balance grow, and also create a situation of slight scarcity to give more definition to your choices about what to do with your disposable income.

Whatever is left over after basic expenses and savings is yours to spend as you want – you don’t have to justify it by calling it “self improvement.” (Anyway, I think that an evening at the movies or a bottle of wine with friends is sometimes just as therapeutic as CBT or personal trainers.) I do remember feeling that since it wasn’t money that I had earned, every purchase that I made had to be justified… I think you can allay that feeling by making sure you are saving a good chunk, and then use the rest of your money to be happy!

When you sign up for something lets say a continuing education class or whatever make sure that you get an A in it by dedicating your time to it and put it to use at work after taking it.

That is the only way that you will get your moneys worth.

Lawrence Bergfeld

Personally I don’t think a massage is a luxury. I used to get them sometimes because I have a lot of pain in my back, neck and shoulders. I get a lot of headaches and am stressed out a lot so they were therapeutic. My workplace health benefits paid $500 a year for massages, and I didn’t go to a spa to have them. Now that I am not working I really miss those, especially lately since I’ve been having a lot of pain.

When I pay down my mortgage, set up a college savings account for my kids, mow the lawn, cook a healthy dinner for the family, do the laundry, work hard at my job so I’m eligible for a promotion, get my hair cut, keep up on current events, exercise, travel, get a mammogram or get my teeth fixed….isn’t that all “self-improvement”?

I personally think it’s better to strive for making your whole life better.

Going out and learning Spanish or joining a gym won’t help you much if your life is actually imbalanced because you should be working more or spending more time with your kids. You gotta look at the whole picture, IMO.

I’m all for a happy medium… you don’t have to choose between the two, and it may vary at different times.

A ukulele class, is a hobby and not considered self-improvement (even though I gain some sort of skill), i have a separate budget for hobbies.

Then I have a maintenance budget, expenditure necessary to keep me on the same track, not necessarily increase my worth. If a monthly massage is required to keep me functional, then that would be maintenance, not improvement. Fortunately, my job is not that stressful.

A gym membership is probably self improvement, as continuous exercise helps you be healthy and maintain (or increase) productivity levels that would otherwise normally decrease as you age.

I spend about $400/month on therapy, which has improved my life but in a more concrete way my work successes.

If I could, I would spend money on a trainer to improve my health – at Annie’s age, developing exercise habits are a great investment.

Lastly, I wish I had studied a language at a younger age – in my field it would make me more marketable.

I also go to self improvement conferences about once a year and end up spending about $500 all up for my two day pass, hotel, food, etc. Again, I feel that is extremely “worth it”.

I have a bad habit, though, of buying self-improvement books and then just admiring them on the shelf without reading them. I like the idea of focussing on one thing at a time and for me I think this should start with books. After I read one self improvement book buy another .. but don’t buy 8 in a month and let them sit for years!

I think investing in self improving often helps you save money in the long run because it keeps you focussed on living a great live and investing in what you LOVE.

IMHO, I think $400 is not much savings. If she can afford it, I’d highly recommending upping it, perhaps to go towards investing (a start-up she believes in, stocks of companies she likes). Investing education is a worthy self-improvement cost too.

Maybe you ‘need’ a personal trainer to fight an serious obesity problem. But if you just want to tone up your rock hard abs to look good then thats a ‘want’.

So first recognize that most of this spending is a ‘want’.

Its OK to spend some money on things you ‘want’ as long as you’re responsible with your finances.

After you split up what is a want and what is a need then its a matter of budgeting. I like the system where you put 50% towards needs, 30% to ‘wants’ and 20% to savings. Or something similar to fit your situation.

Annie’s situation is a little different as she has a trust fund setup for education. This money came from someone else. She called it an ‘educational trust’ so apparently it was setup for her education specifically. She has to ask herself honestly what that money ought to be used for and what expenses are suitable for that money.

If i read correctly you are STILL in grad school. My memories of grad school are long sleepless nights and excess work– between teaching, taking classes, and doing research, I barely had time to eat. I exercised sporadically. People on fellowships (I had an assistantship but no fellowship) were a little freer to play (e.g., my wife actually had time and money to go out on weekends!), but you mention you already have a part-time job.

So… where do you get the time and energy to do all the things you want to do? Spanish– isn’t your plate already full with classes, readings, projects and papers? Just wondering.

I’d think about “self-improvement” first as a means to be a successful grad student– whatever helps you ace your classes, do research, network in your field, attend conferences, etc. I don’t know if you’re going for an academic or professional track, but I’d focus on school first and foremost. If you scatter yourself, you might burn out or (gasp) fail.

Of course you need to stay healthy, so don’t neglect that, and you’ll need some time for relaxation and recreation, but I don’t think you’d have that in spades, unless I’m missing something (e.g., you’re taking one course per semester). Maybe take a pottery class to unwind or something? I don’t know. Just don’t do too many things at a time.

Stick to the therapist, go for free to the university gym (they might offer massage there– they did in mine), and then use your time and money to get the best of school. Grad school is supposed to be hell! Isn’t it???

Here, amuse yourself– this was my favorite reading back in the day:

http://www.phdcomics.com/

^ very funny stuff to be found if you get the jokes

I thought it was cool that she bought herself a ticket to a museum gala that she always wanted to attend. That is money well spent.

On occasion I buy a self improvement book whether on finances or how to do home improvement projects. I always make sure I can pay the bills, fund retirement and contribute to an emergency fund. So the money for self improvement purchases comes from fun money. Need to spend some money.

I don’t know about where Annie is, but where I live, at least half the year it’s below freezing (and often well below). For example, we’re having ridiculous weather right now (normally for March we should be around -2C and the past week as been more like -20C to -25C).

I’d love to get all my exercise outdoors for free, but there’s no where near by I can climb. And I’m just not willing to be one of those people who runs in -20 or rides a bike in the snow.

I find it interesting that people seem to take offense to spending money on things you might be able to do for free. Not all free alternatives are equal to the paid version. Some are, but not all.

Again, there is tremendous value in self-improvement – I personally take cooking classes, yoga classes, spend money on healthier foods, meditate, etc – but you have to be careful not to fall in the trap of using it to justify all your spending. The OP seems to realize this, and that’s probably why she wrote it.

With different stages and changes in life come sacrifices and sometimes especially as a parent your needs go to the back-burner.

I think having a focus and direction in a persons self improvement makes it more worthwhile. Doing too many things at once leaves a person dissatisfied.