Even in the sitaution where no inheritance tax is due there are many questions to resolve and a good number of these are clearly presented in this blog.

If in doubt, seek professional advice – but beware of ‘solicitors’ who may only have spent an hour in law-school 25 years ago on a single lecture on ‘inheritance law’.

I believe that my Mother trusted her eldest son, did not know about the will being trumped by the beneficiary choice, and he knew about this the entire time. She had her will done and sent to everyone just over 10 years before she died and he claimed that he never looked at it. But yet during conversations about her affairs, while she was sick and dying, he would make comments like… ‘and this is mine, and this one is mine’. I did not feel comfortable talking to my Mother about my concerns regarding her estate because – for christ’s sake – she was dying! It was, and still is truely disgusting. No I do not have a relationship with him anymore, he made that choice for me by his actions. I cannot associate with people who willingly and happily betray you – family or not.

Definitely a lesson learned.

One thing that came up for us after years of having a will (and durable POAs and health thingamabobs) was when the whole family (now 5 of us plus a grandparent) went overseas. My anxiety ridden mind realized that we would have the entire “front line” of the will all in one place high above the earth. So, we’re looking at putting in something that covers where money would go in that situation. Not that we’d be here to worry about it, but it’s nice to think that we could use it well for siblings, nieces and nephews, etc.

Depending on your parent’s state of residence, the rules are different (each state sets their own). In some, the first of your parent’s deaths would not change much (for example, many ‘community property’ state, although your parents may have some non-community property – inheritances from other people, for example). My parents lived in a community property state, but 3 years is a long time. And it cost my father much more to pay the probate lawyer than it would have to get the wills executed! In other states, all/almost all of your first-parent-to-die’s assets would immediately go to heirs – the spouse is often weighted more heavily than children, but each state sets its own rules. Which means the surviving parent (in some states) may suddenly have less resources than expected to live on.

Also, if your parents want to remember any charities, no will = no $ to charity.

Shop around and find someone capable to look over what you’ve done. Paying people for services rendered is, well, you know, the reason we have an economy and all!

With respect to that, I found picking a guardian for the kids, and who had control of the money, etc. caused a real stir among the family. My parents were put out, despite being in their 70s, that we didn’t make them guardians of kids that would be teenagers when they were in their mid to late eighties. The guardian we picked agreed, but was really worried until I told him about the life insurance, social security benefits, etc. that would come with the kids if both my wife and I were dead. He thought he’d be on the hook with limited or no assets to help him raise the kids (he was figuring all our assets would go straight into some account only for the kids for when they got older). Other friends I’ve spoken with have had the same issues, where siblings or parents were put out because they either weren’t asked or don’t like the choice. Better to get through it though, because if you don’t, imagine the bickering and bad feelings your kids will go through if you don’t chose.

However, my (step)father refuses to make a will. This is the one area he’s superstitious about and feels that to talk about your death invites it closer. I find this especially egregious since my birth father died when I was two, so he knows my mom has already had to go through this once before. Now Mom probably hasn’t updated her will since we were children, so that’s not necessarily much better. But, they have their accounts setup jointly, the house is in both of their names, etc so they’re not in too bad of shape. A couple years ago, my mom set it up at their bank that my oldest sister and I can have access to pay bills if they’re ever incacitated as well. But, there are things like my dad’s classic car or my mom’s jewelry that could get hairy if they don’t specify their wishes.

My parents did well in their planning before death. However I am one of those whose spouce does not want to face the job.

Bit of advice… in her will she wanted all proceeds from checking accounts, insc. policies, etc. to be equally divided among all heirs. However, she only put one person down as the beneficiary and that trumps what is put in the will. Needless to say, the rest of us got burned due to her and our lack of knowledge about this. Families and money get real funny when it comes to inheritences.

Had my mother done this, it would have saved a lot of sibling arguing and nastiness following her death. That I was adopted and the sibling is her biological progeny made it all the more stressful because I’m seen on some levels as an “interloper” (as if a 10-day-old child can BE a gold-digger, come on, seriously?) who “already got theirs” and therefore “doesn’t deserve more”, despite what the Will stated.

Parents are under no obligation to change their Wills according to the childrens’ preferences. True. And honestly, children should only have limited voices in the preparation of the Will. If, as in the example, the child suggests lessening their share to avoid the Wrath of Kin, that’s acceptable.

However, any child who (upon hearing from the parent what the parent intends) has the unmitigated gall to call up the lawyer, complain about the proposed Will, and suggest TO THE LAWYER changes for redistribution that “equalizes” it (read: gives that offspring “more”) should be immediately disinherited. Especially when they are calling while the parent is still alive and fighting for life in the ICU.

(Yes. This really happened. The Will in question at the time did favor me a bit more, but my mother’s justification of that was because I’d “been there” all during my parents’ final years, and Sibling hadn’t. The sad part is, the lawyer, sensing the problems the current Will might spawn, met with our mother and convinced her to do as my sibling suggested and “equalize” the shares. Note that I made NO suggestions to my mother regarding the Will; on the occasions when she would ask me what I wanted, I said, “Mother, it’s your Will, you do it however you feel is right”.)

Do your children a favor, and EXPLAIN your actions and intentions. Otherwise, all the rivalries will rise up and destroy what is left of your family.

If there is any sort of underlying tension at all in the family, not having a will could likely cause the potential bickering the author notes often occurs

Great article! I see a lot of folks in my practice who know they need basic estate planning documents but don’t want to have a sensitive conversation with an attorney they’ve just met who’s going to charge them an arm and a leg…so sometimes it’s a little easier to get started with DIY docs (from nolo.com, etc.) just to get some of these in place quickly. From that experience they often figure out why they really need a live attorney to help get everything in place properly. A two-step process may be better than not doing anything at all.

My sister lives in North Carolina, I live in California. Neither of us wants this house, which represents the bulk of the estate (I believe and hope that the ‘rents will draw down their retirement accounts more or less entirely).

My understanding is that if the house is simply one asset in the estate, and especially if there is no will, the house must be sold to liquefy the asset in order to pass its value to the heirs. And if there is no will this sale will be negotiated by the state.

But I understand that a trust works somewhat differently, i.e. specifically bypassing the state and even better, specifically holding the value of the property outside of the estate. Which in this case could mean savings on estate taxes.

Need more info!