This post is from staff writer Sierra Black. Sierra writes about frugality, sustainable living, and raising children at Childwild.com.
The other day I went to a vintage clothing shop with a friend. I needed some simple summer staples: tank tops, skirts, shorts. I don’t like shopping for clothes, so I always try to go with friends who enjoy it and are better at finding great stuff than I am.
This is as high-priced as clothes shopping ever gets for me. I get most of my wardrobe from clothing swaps and the Salvation Army, but once in awhile I find myself in need of something specific and go shopping. I found a few nice tank tops that were reasonably priced, and a few pairs of pants for my husband. Mission accomplished.
I also found a ridiculous dress. It’s a bright blue flapper-style minidress. My friend tried it on, and when it didn’t fit her she urged me to give it a whirl. It fit perfectly. I’ve wanted a flapper dress since high school, and never had one.
But I wavered. After all, I don’t need a silly dress. It wasn’t on my shopping list when we walked into the store.
Then my friend looked at the price tag and said, “Look, it’s $8.25 cents worth of fun.” I was sold.
A small splurge
If I thought about it not as Stuff I didn’t need but as the fun of wearing this dress to a party sometime this summer, it seemed like a totally worthwhile purchase. I brought the dress home, showed it off to a few friends, and can’t wait to wear it.
Obviously this is the kind of splurge I can’t make all the time. If I did, my closet would be full of silly dresses I almost never wear. Stuff takes up space, and too much of it becomes clutter. This is one of the reasons I prefer to spend money on experiences. If I’m going to spend money on a good time, I like paying for my fun directly, rather than buying Stuff I think I’ll have fun with. In this case, I made an exception to my rule.
I won’t lie: I felt a little guilty afterwards. I’m the Not-Buying-Stuff Lady. What was I doing splurging on a dress I’ll wear once?
I thought of my new dress when I read Ramit Sethi’s recent post about the psychology of cutting back on small expenses like lattes. Essentially, he counsels against worrying overmuch about them. He writes:
Constantly over-analyzing tiny purchases is exhausting and ineffectual. This is one of the great joys of earning more money: I don’t have to worry about paying for cabs or picking up my friend’s drink. As a cognitive miser, this is a great relief. I can instead focus on the things I really care about.
Instead, Sethi wants to see you sweating the big stuff: finding ways to earn more money, automating your finances, and investing. He says the frugal focus on paring back your $10 splurges is really a distraction. You’re expending a lot of effort for relatively small gains. All the lattes you can drink won’t add up to more than learning how to negotiate your salary.
He’s right of course. I’m a huge fan of focusing on big things. But there are limits to his line of thinking.
Frugality is an important part of personal finance
Opportunities for the kind of big wins Sethi is focused on come up rarely. True, you can make them happen by seeking them out to a certain extent. You’re probably better off putting energy into starting a side business than you are clipping grocery coupons, for example. But anytime you get a chance to make a big impact on your finances, it’s a special occasion.
Small spending decisions, on the other hand, get made every day. You’re constantly confronted with decisions about whether or not to drop $4 on a latte or $10 on a vintage party dress. Any one of those purchases may be trivial, but the habits those purchases feed can get expensive.
One of the things I’ve learned in my frugal adventures is that I can’t always see the big wins coming. I cut my heating bills nearly in half last winter by hanging insulating curtains in the doorways to keep heat in my living spaces and out of our central hallway. That was just another one of the quirky little things I try to save money. I expected it to be about as lucrative as reusing plastic baggies or diluting my shampoo. In other words, the kind of thing that makes me feel good about how I’m consuming resources, but doesn’t save a noteworthy amount of cash. Instead, it saved me hundreds of dollars and made the house more comfortable to be in. This was definitely a big win, but it seemed like a quirky frugal move when I started it.
Another reason to practice thrift is to maintain a simpler, more frugal mindset. If I usually say no to impulse purchases, I’m more likely to say no to any given one. That leads to more money saved and less Stuff cluttering up my house, overall. If I typically shop around for the best value on something, I become more skilled at bargain hunting and cumulatively that habit pays off.
Even if the amounts saved are small, they’re significant over time. If you can permanently shift a spending pattern to save yourself $500 a year, it’s as if you’ve just given yourself a $500 raise. That won’t make or break your finances, but it’s money worth having.
Don’t become obsessed
What it’s not worth is obsessing over. If you have good financial habits, there’s probably room in your budget for the occasional splurge. No need to feel guilty about making them. The key is just to be aware that you’re deviating from your pattern, and to stay within your real budget. That is, the money for your fun has to come from somewhere. You may want to give yourself a little “mad money” each week to play with. If you don’t spend it, great. You can just hold onto it for a bigger splurge down the line. If you do find yourself trying on the perfect party dress in your neighborhood thrift store, you can indulge guilt-free.
I don’t have that kind of play money, but I’m thinking maybe I should, even if its a small amount. My spending plan is fairly detailed. My husband and I have talked about instituting an adult allowance for each of us, but the plan has never really taken off. As a result, whenever I spend money on some small luxury, I feel a little guilty. It may be that I can afford the $10, but I didn’t have the money earmarked for fun so spending it feels like cheating.
I don’t think I need to make more room in my life for spending. If anything, I’m looking to scale back on my expenses and save more. But I do wonder if I don’t need to adjust my spending plan to give myself some wiggle room. $10 isn’t worth feeling guilty over.
How do you make room in your life for small splurges? Do you tend to feel guilty over minor indulgences, or keep your focus on bigger things?
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Do the adult allowances – it eliminates ‘the guilts’! Neither one of you has to justify a splurge – it is your fun money and you can do what you like with it. After I implemented this in our budget I was liberated!!
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I think the “Splurge” was a great deal. $8.25 generated more than 80 comments! That’s 10 cents per comment, and a free dress thrown in!
-Mike
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We have a mad money account of $50 every 2nd friday, and $25 every non-50 Friday. This works out to 150/month each, or $300/month total for the adult allowance. We each use this money for different things.
I use mine for video games, books, and computer-related items.
She uses hers for craft projects, movie tickets, and Slurpees.
I haven’t had the time to have fun lately, so I ended up buying some stocks (as a trial experiment). Everyone needs a little excitement, but making it an official number means that you find ways to cut corners (waiting for video games, using coupons for craft supplies), and generally spend less than the “buy whatever I want” plan. The adult allowance is an expense-limitting program, rather than increasing.
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My wife Veronica and I live frugally by choice. We have read books like ” Money Ratios” by Charles Farrell and “The Number” by Lee Eisenger and enjoyed them, but they only confirmed that we have our “number”.
This brings us to today’s issue: splurges. It is very hard for us to imagine a financially sound household worrying itself to the point of guilt and self-loathing over an $8 party dress from a second-hand store. In such a case frugality has migrated into neurosis.
This, however, is all too easy unless you adopt certain strategies. “Mad money,” an “adult allowance” what have you. I think these terms are somewhat demeaning. Why not just have a “fun” budget, if you need a name for a line on a budget planner.
We used to worry about the cost of vacations (when there was really nothing to worry about as we were ahead of our saving goals). We solved the problem comepltely by adding a line in the budget for “vacations”. The problem shifted immediately from “Oh, God, $4K for a vacation we don’t NEED!” to “how can we spend out the vacation budget line?” This was a more pleasant problem, and it added nothing to our spending.
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I’d just like to see a photo of the dress. It sounds fun and fun once in a while is good for you!
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Sierra, I thought this article was best for its critique of Ramit’s new philosophy. He’s focused more and more on “big wins” over the past few years, to the point where he’s now actually saying that the “small wins” are a waste of time. !!!!
I’ve always felt that the “just earn more” mindset was foolhardy. Almost everyone struggles with lifestyle inflation – the more you earn, the more you spend. Not learning to put a cap on your habits is a problem.
To this, you’ve added the critiques that 1) if we’re in the habit of buying small things thoughtlessly, we’re MUCH more likely to buy big things thoughtlessly, and 2) the big wins are rare, and you can’t always count on them.
I think Ramit’s trying to solidify a single financial platform, and I think it’s weakening his advice.
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I haven’t read all the comments, but I remember distinctly when JD was fretting over 2 or 3 scoops of cocoa in his hot chocolate. It wasn’t til some of us told him to lighten up a bit and enjoy life that it seemed to click.
I hate shopping with other people because 1. I don’t like others to know my shopping habits–how much things cost, etc. and 2. I don’t need anything.
Yard saling would be different, however.
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You’re right, $10 isn’t enough to feel guilty over and I’m exhausted just reading your long angsty post. I’m glad I don’t suffer over my splurges and martyr myself like you do.
On the flip side of this coin, by spending that $10 you are supporting a small business owner, a charity, a consigner who is trying to declutter and make some extra cash, or a shop employee who depends on an hourly wage when you make that purchase (depending on what kind of thrift store you visited). You are also supporting a community institution–if no one bought those party dresses, the store wouldn’t be able to afford to stay open, and it would close its doors. You and your fellow neighbors wouldn’t be able to shop at a quirky thrift store anymore and would have to shop at another chain instead–more expensive, more resource-heavy, and probably more money that goes to a corporation rather than staying in the community. So think about that the next time you think about “splurging”.
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We each get $20 a week to spend however we want. Neither of us spends that much per week so we tend to accumulate the money and end up spending it on bigger purchases. For example, my husband spent his accumulated allowance on music. I often save to get a new purse at the big art/craft show in September. By doing this, we don’t feel guilty about taking any of our purchases.
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