Play the Fooly-Wed Game!
Published on - October 18th, 2011 (Modified on - December 4th, 2011) (by Robert Brokamp) This is a guest post from Robert Brokamp of The Motley Fool. Robert is a Certified Financial Planner and the adviser for The Motley Fool’s Rule Your Retirement service. He contributes one new article to Get Rich Slowly every two weeks.
One of the first articles I ever wrote for The Motley Fool was actually co-written with my wife, who also then worked for the Fool. It was more than 11 years ago (which is 77 in Internet years), and we hadn’t yet marked our first anniversary. We called it our “Couples Manifesto,” and it ended up being one of the more popular articles on the site that year. That inspired a bunch of Fools to create the “Couples and Cash” online seminar and, eventually, a book of the same name.
Fast-forward to 2011, and my wife now is a mental-health counselor and children’s book author, and besides my job as a newsletter advisor, I’m the financial planner for Motley Fool employees. I recently met with a colleague and his fiancée, and thought I’d bring along an article that was pulled from that old seminar. We called it the Fooly-wed Game, based on the classic game show “The Newlywed Game.” The show is still on TV, but its heyday was the 1970s when Bob Ewbanks was the host. For the kids in the audience, here’s a taste:
Unlike The Newlywed Game, the Fooly-wed Game was not designed to cause violence between couples and was not an excuse to say “make whoopee” on TV. Rather, it’s a way to get couples to discuss money, possibly identify problem areas, and maybe have a little fun.
The audience can play along
Nevertheless, as I read the original version, I thought it could use some updating — and perhaps some audience input. So below is the new and improved Fooly-wed game. Play along at home with your own spouse/partner/cellmate, and then offer any improvements in the comments below.
Here’s how to play: Read the question aloud, then each person should record her/his/its answers on her/his/its own sheet of paper. Don’t peek at each other’s answers. The fun (or contentious) part of this exercise is comparing your responses at the end.
- What would your partner say is the annual income your family would need to be happy?
- Place the following items in order of importance (1=top financial priority, 10=lowest financial priority):
- furniture
- retirement
- car
- clothes
- vacation
- really good/healthy food
- entertainment (dining out, movies, etc.)
- college
- gifts
- home
- Discussions about money are: A) Easy and constructive; B) Occasionally difficult but eventually lead to a resolution; C) Usually combative and lead to arguments; D) Nonexistent.
- How much would your bank account have to sink to before you panicked?
- How much is too much to spend without consulting your partner?
- Would you loan money to friends or family? Would you borrow money from friends or family?
- What are the three best purchases you’ve made as a couple? The three worst?
- You get $1,000 back as a tax refund. What would you do with it? What would your partner do with it?
- You view money as: A) A necessary evil; B) The path to happiness; C) Nice to have, but I won’t sweat over it; D) Where’s my wallet?
- Which of the two of you is more likely to:
- Know how much is in the checking account
- Buy an expensive gift
- Look for the best deal
- Know how the stock market fared
- Do the taxes
- Do you think that when the creators of The Newlywed Game chose the phrase “make whoopee” as a euphemism for sex, they considered the fact that some people would think of the whoopee cushion (invented in 1930)?
- When it comes to investing, your philosophy is: A) The stock market can be beaten by buying the most promising stocks, B) Don’t try to beat the stock market, buy index funds; C) Avoid the stock market, it’s too risky; D) Chicken makes the best stock.
- If there’s one thing we could improve about the way we manage our finances, what would it be?
- Which relative or friend would you consider to be a financial role model?
- How much is reasonable to spend on a vacation?
- And finally who checks the credit report for errors and how regularly?
Playing the Fooly-wed Game could lead to a range of outcomes, from “We were meant to be together!” to “How did we ever end up together?” If your result more like the latter, it might help to get professional financial advice to act as an objective referee. Either way, the process will ideally lead to constructive actions that head off potential future disaster.
So print out the questions, grab some pens and paper, prepare some pleasant beverages, sit down with your significant other, and play the Fooly-wed Game. You may learn a thing or two about that person who shares your bed and bank account. And when you’re done, you can yell, “Whoopee!” and whatever other sounds you associate with that word.
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I really like this a lot — I’m going to try this with my fiance. We’ve been doing pre-marital counseling, and the tests we took show we are in total agreement with financial management. While I totally agree, and I think we’re good for each other financially (and in other ways), I have been looking for more guidance with a bit more advanced financial topics for couples. Thanks so much for the resource!
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And don’t forget folks
That’s what you get folks
For makin’ whoopee…
This sounds like a great exercise for BEFORE people get married. After could be too late, if the spouse is a financial mess.
I would also be testing to see if they’re a gold digger, or if they’re really into me. See this blog post here http://pennypincherpersonalfinance.blogspot.com/2011/06/cheaper-to-keep-her-avoiding-divorce.html about halfway down I reference a study where couples were asked how they met, and those with positive stories were more likely to stay together. Have a third party ask your intended how you met.
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Great list of questions.
I’d be interested to hear about how childless couples who get together once they are independently established in their mid-30/40/50s deal with extreme differentials in income between the two partners.
Say a 4:1 or higher difference in income. Without kids nor having been together since they were both poor students. I just see issues cropping up there even if all the other things like the questions on this list are agreed upon.
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Given that our finances are run in what I imagine is exactly the same way as the Cleaver’s, this seems unnessecary for me personally. I could see it being the starting point to a useful conversation (or an argument) for some people, though.
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What I find so amazing (and I am old enough to remember this show, I was a teen), is that at the time we did not think those folks were especially thin. They were, for the most part, average compared to the population. Compare them to folks today…holy cow.
[puts down croissant]
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And may I just add, “Bob Eubanks” not “Ewbanks”. How in the world did you make up that spelling? lol
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@ #6. I was thinking the same thing. Poor Bob. Was Robert trying to slight him with the “ewww” connotation?
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Fantastic article. Money is definitely a deal breaker in relationships – I’d suggest keeping a copy and pulling it out anytime a couple runs into trouble. Also loved question 11!
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Ok, that was a tease. What do you do with the information you gather about your money styles?
As a major frugalista married to a spendthrift, I find the differences in our approaches are less important than our willingness to compromise. In 22 years of marriage, we’ve had much potential for conflict.
But I knew I had found the right guy when he paid off the balance on his credit card as a wedding present to me.
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What a great idea!
Here you have given us an idea for getting couples together at any stage of life: before the marriage, as newly married, as parents, post raising children, and Seniors.
This is a game! Something that is intended to be fun. (I sometimes think people are so serious about Thrift and financial transparency that they miss the contentment that a couple can have when they are in accord.)
Couples need to communicate! It is essential.
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I would add a couple of questions.
Do you prefer to buy and hold or trade frequently?
and
What is your idea of a “splurge”? What is your partner’s?
Anything that gets people talking about money is usually a good thing. Decades of NOT talking about money did not exactly produce a good result for our society (USA).
In fact, I think this is a good game for two couples (all close friends, of course) to play together, with plenty of wine.
First, because having other people in the room puts most people on their best behavior. Second, because it gives each couple an immediate reference point that is outside their own heads.
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Oh, I’m totally doing this game for lunch. Is there a scoreboard?
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UPDATE:
okay, so lunch got busy but my wife and i did this earlier tonight and it was hilarious.
our “happy” income is within $2K of each other.
we both ranked at the bottom gifts and furniture.
we both ranked at the top home, retirement, “college” and good/healthy food (in different order but same group)
bank: i can go down to the wire before i panic; she needs a cushion, however small
good purchases: exactly the same! (awesome bed, truck, tv)
bad purchases: we both had a hard time thinking of one (we buy very few things, lately)
hm, this is too long to post all the answers here but it boils down to us being very compatible, it seems. it was a good exercise to get us talking about money though, and it was “occasionally difficult but leading to a good resolution” (both our answers). the question about the $1K refund show us how wrong we were in our assumptions, but it was cool to discuss them.
oh, we both found question 11 irritating while we were concentrating on serious business (ha). so that would be our “offer of improvements” as requested– kindly cut goofy Q. #11 (of course others may find it entertaining and disagree).
but thanks for this— the issue of how to improve money management reminded me that i need to do better bookkeeping and straighten out some accounts for her sake (as i may have hinted, i have a higher tolerance for risk).
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Hubby and I did it over lunch. There was only one real surprise, and it was on my end. I hadn’t realized that hubby values the “entertainment” category as much as he does, considering I have it down near the bottom. Poor guy must be getting frustrated since I always kibosh his entertainment ideas!
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Great post. I am very interested in how married, or soon to be married couples approach debt and personal finance.
In fact, my number one personal finance rule is to combine finances and combine efforts – I wrote briefly about it here on my blog dedicated to marital money issues – http://marriedwithdebt.com/?p=75
In our house, I’m the CFO and my wife is the CEO.
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Can’t wait to try this with the boyfriend when I get home. We definitely have some money conflicts, but hopefully this can start a light-hearted conversation.
Will report back if it ends in disaster.
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This was fun! Our answers turned out a lot better than I expected. I will say we interpreted a couple things differently. For example, on the vacation question, he took it as what’s reasonable for us to spend right now, whereas I was looking at it dependent on the location (it wouldn’t be reasonable to spend $3k on a trip to Chicago, but it’s entirely reasonable to spend that on a trip to Peru).
It at least prompted good discussions between us, and I’m happy that our answers were similar (and, particularly, that our priorities based on categories were really close).
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My husband and I have been married for a year and a half, and we just did this. We went to pre-marital counseling, and other than student loans, have no debt. We played this game just now-it was fun! It was reassuring to find we still have very similar ideas about money and life. =)
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No fun without a demonstration! At least for me, with no partner to play with, I’m curious to see others’ results. Did any revelations come from playing this game? (like Kate, #13, and her realization about entertainment)
Anyway, I do recommend one change to the first question:
1. What would your partner say is the annual income your family would need to be happy?
I’d change “would need” to “needs.” The conditional makes it almost impossible for someone to answer that they have enough right now. Which is kinda depressing.
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Great game. Money is a very sensitive issue and often the reason for fights and separation. This game would have couples to know their money preference and help them to live happily ever after
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We (hubby, son and his fiance) are going through the Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace course at our church right now.
Whew.. you’re right; talking about finances between spouses is ultra important. And as good as my husband and I thought we were with finances, we realized we had a lot to learn.
dee
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I think the priorities list should be just a suggestion. Charity/giving should also be on the list.
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I don’t understand people.
The solution is simple.
Cut up your debit cards.
Then used your credit card, BUT ONLY SPEND WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD TO PAY OFF FULLY EACH MONTH.
In other words, use your credit card like a debit card.
This will STARVE the big banks which is how we need to punish them.
It is too easy for them to make money off our LAZINESS
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Hmm…..delicate subject. I am a statistically minded person and historical data is what works for me.
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