The solution is simple.

Cut up your debit cards.

Then used your credit card, BUT ONLY SPEND WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD TO PAY OFF FULLY EACH MONTH.

In other words, use your credit card like a debit card.

This will STARVE the big banks which is how we need to punish them.

It is too easy for them to make money off our LAZINESS

It at least prompted good discussions between us, and I’m happy that our answers were similar (and, particularly, that our priorities based on categories were really close).

Whew.. you’re right; talking about finances between spouses is ultra important. And as good as my husband and I thought we were with finances, we realized we had a lot to learn.

dee

okay, so lunch got busy but my wife and i did this earlier tonight and it was hilarious.

our “happy” income is within $2K of each other.

we both ranked at the bottom gifts and furniture.
we both ranked at the top home, retirement, “college” and good/healthy food (in different order but same group)

bank: i can go down to the wire before i panic; she needs a cushion, however small

good purchases: exactly the same! (awesome bed, truck, tv)
bad purchases: we both had a hard time thinking of one (we buy very few things, lately)

hm, this is too long to post all the answers here but it boils down to us being very compatible, it seems. it was a good exercise to get us talking about money though, and it was “occasionally difficult but leading to a good resolution” (both our answers). the question about the $1K refund show us how wrong we were in our assumptions, but it was cool to discuss them.

oh, we both found question 11 irritating while we were concentrating on serious business (ha). so that would be our “offer of improvements” as requested– kindly cut goofy Q. #11 (of course others may find it entertaining and disagree).

but thanks for this— the issue of how to improve money management reminded me that i need to do better bookkeeping and straighten out some accounts for her sake (as i may have hinted, i have a higher tolerance for risk).

Anyway, I do recommend one change to the first question:

1. What would your partner say is the annual income your family would need to be happy?

I’d change “would need” to “needs.” The conditional makes it almost impossible for someone to answer that they have enough right now. Which is kinda depressing.

Will report back if it ends in disaster.

In fact, my number one personal finance rule is to combine finances and combine efforts – I wrote briefly about it here on my blog dedicated to marital money issues – http://marriedwithdebt.com/?p=75

In our house, I’m the CFO and my wife is the CEO.

Do you prefer to buy and hold or trade frequently?
and
What is your idea of a “splurge”? What is your partner’s?

Anything that gets people talking about money is usually a good thing. Decades of NOT talking about money did not exactly produce a good result for our society (USA).

In fact, I think this is a good game for two couples (all close friends, of course) to play together, with plenty of wine.

First, because having other people in the room puts most people on their best behavior. Second, because it gives each couple an immediate reference point that is outside their own heads.

Here you have given us an idea for getting couples together at any stage of life: before the marriage, as newly married, as parents, post raising children, and Seniors.

This is a game! Something that is intended to be fun. (I sometimes think people are so serious about Thrift and financial transparency that they miss the contentment that a couple can have when they are in accord.)

Couples need to communicate! It is essential.

As a major frugalista married to a spendthrift, I find the differences in our approaches are less important than our willingness to compromise. In 22 years of marriage, we’ve had much potential for conflict.

But I knew I had found the right guy when he paid off the balance on his credit card as a wedding present to me.

I’d be interested to hear about how childless couples who get together once they are independently established in their mid-30/40/50s deal with extreme differentials in income between the two partners.

Say a 4:1 or higher difference in income. Without kids nor having been together since they were both poor students. I just see issues cropping up there even if all the other things like the questions on this list are agreed upon.

This sounds like a great exercise for BEFORE people get married. After could be too late, if the spouse is a financial mess.

I would also be testing to see if they’re a gold digger, or if they’re really into me. See this blog post here http://pennypincherpersonalfinance.blogspot.com/2011/06/cheaper-to-keep-her-avoiding-divorce.html about halfway down I reference a study where couples were asked how they met, and those with positive stories were more likely to stay together. Have a third party ask your intended how you met.