Find out what it requires in AZ then make it happen.

That is likely not a viable option.

I’ve had a couple of friends ask me for help/loans in the last few years. One was a strict cash ‘loan’; that was four years ago and I’ve basically let it go. We still have dinner occasionally. For the most part, I know she’ll pay me back at one point or another, but I’ve basically written it off as a cash ‘gift’. If you’re going to do a cash loan, write it off immediately from your mind. If you’re going to obsess about it, worry about it, then you’re better off not loaning the money in the first place and seeking another avenue to assist.

The second was a strict loan to a friend for a wedding downpayment; I didn’t ask for details – what’s the point? But I did draw up a contract and a concrete pay-by date (I won’t be earning interest on that $2500, but it makes me feel good to help her with her wedding) that she appreciated. She didn’t like the idea of asking a friend in the first place, but due to certain circumstances, had to. I was lucky that I was in the position to help.

The poster will have to ask himself – can he afford to lend money? Will he want that money back soon? Would he rather, as some people suggested, pay for a room rental for a month or two? There’s a lot of options, and really, he’s the only one who can judge his own finances and what he’s *honestly* comfortable with.

I wish him and you all the best.

I was homeless for 3 months once (while pregnant with my daughter), luckily I had great friends. I have no crazy mental health issues, no drug addiction, and I had a fantastic job that paid me well. I just couldn’t find a place to live for three months.

My fiance has a college degree and can’t find a job in his field. He was lucky to get a job at Burger King (10 hours per week only) because I knew someone. Four years ago, companies were seeking me out because of my skill set, offering me management jobs that I would love to have now. Now, I can’t even get a job at McDonalds.

We’re getting by, but just barely. Two years ago we were able to provide our daughter with a thousand dollar Christmas. This year we’ll be luck to give her a quarter of that. AND we have another beautiful child this year as well. Times are tough, even for educated, skilled, regular people.

When we went from buying 800 thread count sheets to getting food stamps, we realized that the economy really has gone to shit.

And to those of you wondering what happened to my fantastic job… I was demoted for having a child, and, when I got pregnant with my second, my hours were cut first, I was completely taken off the schedule second, and I was eventually fired. Illegal yes, but that doesn’t help me feed my children.

#1 I only lend money if I can pay all my own bills even if they never pay me back.

#2 I don’t get upset if they don’t pay me back (because I followed rule #1)

#3 After I have loaned them money once, I don’t loan them money again until they have paid back the initial sum in full

It’s worked really well for me by eliminating hard feelings and drama while still maintaining boundaries and being able to help out when I can.

Daisy

I’ve had one for years, paying just $20 a month for a small box. What this does is provide a STABLE street address (no one has to know it’s a FedEx store), regardless of how many times he has to change his physical location or where that might be.

This would be critical both for job search and any possible public assistance he might qualify for. There is always someone there during business hours to sign for and accept packages. They also have notaries on staff if needed. He would be given a key so he has access 24/7 to a safe, secured store. They have computers and copiers to use at discount for box holders. Yes, I know libraries are free, but at least it would all be in one spot if needed.

Best of luck!

but the right brain still mourns the freedom of being able to grab the keys and go, instead of locating proper cards & paperwork, trekking to the rental counter and playing 20 questions, waiting for the vehicle to arrive, be cleaned, etc. etc….

Every where else I’ve lived, if “the worse happened” (and there’s always a “worse” possibility–if not probability)…there was always the car. The ultimate plan C.

Now, there’s only the electric train.

It seems counter productive to get a motel room. My brothers would be welcome to live with me as long a needed, IF they showed initiative to help themselves.

I sense there is a deeper issue with him than meets the eye. I wish him well. I trully do.

National food bank locator:
http://feedingamerica.org/default.aspx?show_shov=1#
Service locator:
http://www.servicelocator.org/
Subsidized rental housing:
http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/rental_assistance

Many of us are vulnerable to being homeless. If it happened to me, I would be very discouraged to say the least if my friends reacted to my situation with something like “tough love.”

Thanks.

http://www.npr.org/2011/09/25/140784004/new-boom-reshapes-oil-world-rocks-north-dakota

Regardless, I looked over most the comments. I never read one mention on his trade and what he was doing prior to losing his job. I grew up in Arizona (lived in Tucson, Flagstaff, and Sedona) though I have recently relocated to Alaska. I know people scattered all over the state. I have also lived all over the lower 48 states and I literally know people in the West Coast, Midwest, and East Coast. I trust all the people in my life as they too are all hard workers with wicked great souls. It’s a long shot but if your friend would like help from me and my friends, I can ask around about current jobs that people know of, who knows right? Merry Christmas Evan. You did a great thing.

Why didn’t I think of that to all the people I know around here who live without running water in their houses/apartments? (I’m in Poland and many people don’t have baths/showers…and frankly, I’ve never thought about a gym membership which always seemed a bit luxurious.)

Interesting idea! Really.

Have a conversation with you friend and find out what he needs. Paying rent on a room for a few months may be what he needs to feel secure so he is able to look for work or plan his next move.

Bless you for caring…most people would walk away since it’s “not their problem”.

Ask how you can help. He knows best what he needs.

And it seems to me that if you’re not sure whether a loan will save pride or add stress, you can just offer to give him the money. If he can’t accept, suggest it as a loan.

As an active member of the site, I’ve seen many examples of members abusing the site. This is not good for the community. Couch surfing is a network for people who travel and people who are interested in exchanging travels, ideas, culture etc.

It is not a place for free shelter, or free sex, or free food, although there are some people who do it and we cannot control it, but it is highly frowned upon.

Many couchsurfers are kind and generous, but it is not a charity organization. please do not give people the wrong idea about CS mission.

To lose the ability to support yourself is devastating–and depending on what your own physical and mental makeup is, can paralyze you, and make it extremely difficult to do the things you need to do, to get back on your feet.

In other words, this person may WANT to get a job and find a place to live–they may be very motivated to do that–but they could find themselves so weighed down by depression and shame that they are unable to take the steps they need to take–even simple steps.

As many people have mentioned–you’ll need to do two things:

1) determine what you can (and are willing) to give up, for your friend (money, time, a sympathetic ear, etc)

2) take time to understand your friend’s mental state–and just how capable they are of moving foward right now

Once you’ve determined all that, some concrete things you can do are:

1) help your friend make a plan for dealing with their situation – make it as detailed as seems appropriate (ie, if they’re full of determination, then it could be as simple as giving them general lists–get signed up for Food Stamps and whatever free/low cost medical coverage that area offers; make a list of jobs he’s able to apply for, etc; if, on the other hand, your friend is so full of despair and self-loathing right now that they’re running in circles, mentally, then you might need to go online, and find names of agencies for him, make appointments for him, follow up to see if he’s kept the appointments, etc)

2) if your friend appears to be suffering from depression, help them hook up with counseling and possibly get on medication–find out what Phoenix offers, in that department, and give him names and numbers (depression can keep him where he is–even if it’s just situational!)

3) based on what you’ve determined you can contribute, financially, offer to take over one or more of his expenses for a certain number of months–if you can afford to pay for a room for him for three months–great–but other things can be helpful, too–setting him up with a pre-paid cell phone with pre-paid internet, would set you back $150 or so for a phone, and $50 a month for unlimited voice and internet. Maybe he needs an address, to fill out job applications–let him use yours, or pay for a “virtual” address, in that area, for a small amount per month. Think creatively–remember, you’re not under pressure right now, and thus, are more likely to think of creative solutions than he is!

4) Whatever you do–don’t feel sorry for him. Listen to him, when he needs to vent–but keep the tone of conversations matter of fact, and up beat–especially when you’re giving him something. This allows him to keep his dignity–and that’s about the only thing he has to hold on to right now, so it’s doubly precious!

5) Is your friend religious? If so–encourage him to reconnect with a church. Being with non-judgemental people will help him feel normal, and people in a church tend to look out for each other–might be willing to have him stay with them temporarily, maybe in a room at a lower cost–they might have odd jobs they can send his way, and they may be able to help him network. Someone may be able to help him get his driver’s license–and it’s possible they’d even give him and old car they were going to donate to charity! (During a year when I was unemployed, someone in my church–someone I didn’t even know!–wanted to donate their car to the church–and one of the elders knew I needed one, and so they hooked us up…and I got a free car. I had another car at the time that was on it’s last legs…but right after I was given the car, I ran into a visitor at our church who had a job she couldn’t get to, because she didn’t have a car either–and I was able to give her my clunker, and she had a friend who fixed it up for her, for free!)

During that same period of time, a couple of friends just started bringing groceries to my house, everytime they came over. They never asked what I needed–and they always pretended they were just “cleaning out their cupboards”–but thanks to them, I ate decent food, instead of the ramen noodles I would’ve resorted to, otherwise.

The bottom line is–whatever you do, do it with no strings attached–and don’t be concerned about the outcome. There’s no doubt that money will be helpful–but at a time like this, your friendship, and willingness to help your friend with things that may be overwhelming him (like simple decision making!) might be even more valuable–so please don’t overlook that, or discount how meaningful it can be!!

I was at a doctor’s appointment today and the fact that I have been looking for work for over 6 months came up when we were talking about stress. Later he asked about my educational background, and when I replied a Masters (in the Biological Sciences, with years of research experience as well) he scoffed and said employers should be looking for me, not the other way around.

I am currently hoping for a job offer from a company that has told me it is waiting to make sure they have funding for me for next year. At the start of the interviewing process (2 months ago) they were confident they’d be able to hire me (so much so that they were saying they’d hire multiple candidates if they were qualified)… and now it is all uncertain again. This isn’t the first time that I made it to the end of the interview process only to be told that there was no longer any funds for the position. I am so lucky to have a husband that is employed — and even with that we are now living very close to the edge of our means.

I guess my point is that people who immediately judge that somebody who is unemployed must be doing something wrong… are showing how ignorant they are of the current job market.

But as Evan later mentions, his friend does have a phone so this conversation is a moot point anyway.