I think that side of things gets forgotten in the Christmas rush, but I still really appreciate it when I get a gift just right for *me*, and I try to do the same for others when possible.

My mom received a large kitchen appliance as a gift. She only used it once or twice, and then it went into storage. For her, a smaller model that would fit in her kitchen would be better, or she could live without it.

I noticed it in storage, and asked if I could give it to some friends, who I knew would want and use it, but who couldn’t afford it. At first my mom was reluctant to give it up, worrying that the original purchaser would find out and be upset, but eventually she agreed. In the end, my friends used it almost every day, and my mom had more space to store things she wanted and used.

My point: if you see a gift someone isn’t using, that you, or someone you know, could put to more use, see if you can’t facilitate a trade or re-gifting. It might benefit both parties.

It’s also hard for people to imagine things being different; my partner can’t remember from year to year that his Christmas traditions are my irritating and not nostalgic deviations from tradition. It’s hard for my partner’s family, who all live within 20 miles of each other in a metro area I have never lived in, to even remember that I don’t know my way around their city. Nobody will write down directions for me, they want to give them verbally by landmarks I don’t know. I had to get a taxi map book because I couldn’t get them to change their style of “helping”.

We have avoided a lot of hard feelings since this system was implemented. I’m ready to move on to not exchanging amongst the adults at all, but my youngest sister still wants to do it so we’re doing it. Eventually I do foresee that the adults will no longer exchange gifts, but I’m fine with the system we have now until then.

It is very hard to get other people to understand when you want to deviate from the family norm. Even if it is a tradition you didn’t start and makes no sense for you or your life. We only give to kids, so xmas is pretty easy in our house. But I see it with friends.

My family was angry and mystified when I failed to send out invitations for my son’s second birthday. We settled on having a nice quiet day at home doing things I thought HE would like instead of hauling all over hell’s half acre to see everyone. (No one liked it when we had his 1st birthday party at our more distant home and I was not spending money on a party so my family could complain to me about EVERYTHING.)

Family just couldn’t understand why it was important for me to keep him home and have a family dinner with a homemade cake.

Instead I caved and let my parents and in laws bully me into giving him two parties at their homes. I told them both, next year I will NOT be caving.

My partner literally breaks out in a cold sweat at the prospect of making any changes to his mother’s beloved Christmas tradition, so we will never ever get to have our own family Christmas tradition. We used to fight over it every year, til I gave up.

The perfect gift is one that is *observant.*

My kids are easy, because I see them regularly on Sunday and when they see something in the ads, I keep my eyes posted and ears open.

The problem is if hubby sees what he wants, he buys it. So I ask him to wait, so it can be purchased by someone else and put under the tree.

on second thought, that would be a pretty rad christmas.

I don’t mind gifts from my wishlist, but really, the gifts that have touched me most have cost little but have really been big on thought. Last year I was struggling with depression, and my sister made a bunch of uplifting notes and put them in a beautiful box with instructions for me to read one when feeling down. I loved it. It was my favorite present that Christmas. A friend has given me homemade chocolate raspberry jam (a favorite flavor combination of mine) — sheer joy! My husband once got a copy of a favorite childhood cartoon of mine and made me breakfast on the morning of our anniversary and then popped the disk into the TV and we watched the cartoon together and ate breakfast. Best anniversary ever. You don’t hit a homerun every time with anyone, but if you really know someone, I think thoughtful, inexpensive gifts are the ones that will be remembered years after they’ve been given.

As for lists/registries… are they common? I’ve never met anyone over the age of 16 who still writes one. Most adults I know view them with suspicion – “if you don’t know enough about me to find a single item you think I’d enjoy, why am I even friends with you?”

Since most people seem to hate both the gifts they receive and the process of buying gifts for others, why don’t we just get rid of this whole enormous ball of ( fill in appropriate unpleasant noun here)??

As for re-gifting, I have done so, but not with close family and friends. Usually I’ll do so for others who I feel the need to give a present to but don’t feel the need to spend any money on. So this year, my husband received a bottle of wine from a co-worker, which we don’t drink, so we are re-gifting it at a Christmas party coming up to someone we know enjoys wine. It’s perfect!

I am normally pretty frugal, but one area in which I do tend to overspend is gifts. I typically have a set amount in mind to spend on each gift, but then I don’t hesitate to go $10-20 (and sometimes even more) over that to get the “perfect” gift. I actually account for that in my budget, though — I estimate how much I plan to spend on gifts and then budget for about 50% more than that. I feel like giving gifts is a way to show my thoughtfulness and generosity, and people do seem to appreciate it, but probably not any more than they would if I spent a little less.

P.S. What do people mean by “stinky candles”? Are you just talking about scented candles like the ones from Yankee Candle? If so, re-gift them to me! I love scented candles, but I wouldn’t buy them for myself, so it’s nice to receive them as gifts.

Otherwise at holiday time, we don’t buy gifts for the adults in our family, I send checks to the 4 kids that are in my family and my husband and I don’t exchange gifts either. We take a trip which we are doing this year over NYE and we bought concert tickets.

I really do love to give gifts, I just don’t enjoy the forced giving of the holiday time so no hunting for me.

I also love to shop for gifts and in my family we just provide receipts so people can return what they don’t want. We try to get what people like, but you can’t be right all the time. For this reason, I tend to wait as long as possible to buy. Some stores have ridiculously short return periods (hello Dillards and your 30 day returns), so I don’t want someone to have to rush out to the stores right after Christmas.