This guest post from Clara is part of the “reader stories” feature at Get Rich Slowly. Some stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success or failure. These stories feature folks from all levels of financial maturity and with all sorts of incomes. This story seems especially appropriate after the news I shared this week.
Two and a half years ago, my marriage ended. I left a comfortable financial situation and found myself one step above being eligible for food stamps. Money from our joint accounts paid for the down payment on my rental, but I also needed furniture, household equipment, and beds for me and my two children. The little things add up.
I found the tiniest little house to rent, priced well under market value (perhaps because it’s only about 450 square feet). This little cottage has its charms, but it’s very rough around the edges. Winter winds seem to shoot straight up from the crawl space. Still, it’s cheap. And I have access to a yard and a garden, and the landlords and neighbors are nice.
I took a few things from the house I’d shared with my husband. Virtually everything else was purchased used from yard sales during the months before I left: kitchen knives, pots, lamps, towels, a TV. Even artwork and the shower curtain came from yard sales. The only things I bought new were the beds and the refrigerator. I started life on my own with no money in the bank at all.
Starting with nothing
The divorce was in mediation, which didn’t seem to be going so well for me because I had no idea about my rights to marital assets. My car died, so I took out a car loan, my first debt in many years. My part-time job ended just after I signed my lease, and I couldn’t stay in the house with my husband, so I just kept moving forward.
I found another better-paying, part-time job and made a hasty decision to go to graduate school. I wanted to get a master’s degree since decent jobs were as scarce as hen’s teeth then. I took on student loans to pay my in-state tuition costs and to buy a laptop computer that was absolutely necessary to be a student again (our only computer).
Meanwhile, my kids and I played board games and borrowed books from the library. I bought bikes, scooters, and other toys at yard sales. I was lucky in that my ex-husband was good about paying the spousal and child support, but there sure wasn’t anything to spare.
We lived quite frugally, to say the least. I cut expenses to the bone.
Three years later
Eventually ,I got a raise at my part-time job, found a summer job when I didn’t have classes, starting doing some tutoring, and sold things on-line as well. it was a tough schedule with two kids, graduate school, and everything else. But here I am, almost three years later. And there’s money in the bank (a four-month emergency fund, plus I allocated the car loan money to a car fund account so I have something the next time I need to buy a car).
At first, I lived on $25,000 a year in a high-cost area (and, frankly, it’s not much more than that now), but I still saved money.
- I saved enough to pay a divorce attorney.
- I saved enough to pay off some of my tuition to limit my student loan debt.
- I just retired my car loan. (I still can’t figure out how I paid off that $10,000!)
I had an opportunity to become a graduate assistant; because I had so little debt and such low expenses, I was able to do it. Now my salary is minimal, but I’m getting free tuition and lots of mentoring from many wonderful professors. I will graduate in May and start to look for a full-time career in a couple of months. I’m aware that I may need to take a couple of part-time jobs instead.
Looking to the future
The divorce still isn’t finalized. When it is, I’ll be able to pay off my $16,000 in student-loan debt. Once gain, I’ll be utterly debt free. I was able to leave my share of retirement funds untouched during the divorce, so retirement calculators tell me that I have enough to fund a very frugal retirement at age 67.
My kids and I are healthy and happy and sane. When the divorce is finally settled and I have a full-time job, I am planning to buy a house: a nice, small, affordable house.
It’s been hard. There are nights when I sit with just one light on studying because I need to keep down the electric bill. But we always had enough for our needs, plus enough of our wants to keep from going crazy. I even got a scholarship to the local Y for me and my kids. Because I’ve lived a frugal life for several years, there’s no prior debt at all, which of course makes everything much easier.
I never figured I could live so happily in such a tiny house with so little money. But I’ve learned that this freedom is the gift that frugality gives me.
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Good for you! It sounds like you put in a lot of hard work and frugality to get where you are today. I sympathise with you regarding moving into a smaller place and having to buy new home comforts. A week and a half ago I moved out from my parents house into a flatshare in London. Many things I saw as basic household items just weren’t here (bathmat, chest of drawers, microwave), and I miss having sharp kitchen knives and good quality pans. The room is fairly drafty, with a binary radiator (hot or off, nothing in between), no double glazing…
It’s very tempting to go out and buy everything I want to make it feel more homely. So far I’ve bought a second hand chest of drawers, a printer for my studies and a new but basic microwave, putting me £118 out of pocket :/
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Thank you for sharing. It’s an inspiration for all no matter where we are in relationships or life. I’d like to hear more about what your children learn from the experience, too. When I was a child my father lost his job and was mired in a lawsuit about that firing (very long story). We had to start living really frugally, and I credit those times with both teaching me my better habits and also bringing all of us closer together and ultimately making us happier. I don’t want to downplay the sacrifice and strain of a tight siutation, but sometimes there’s an upside.
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Your story is great in that you have done so much with so little, all the while keeping your chin up and moving forward with a plan, not allowing yourself to wallow in sadness (although I’m certain you had your moments).
As an engineer in the energy field, who retrofits buildings for a living, I’d like to offer a few suggestions for making your rental more comfortable in the winter. If your landlords will pitch in, so much the better. Reach out to your local gas and/or electric utility, many of them offer free energy audits, to suggest what to do to make the house more efficient to heat. Take the list to your landlords and ask them to have a few items done.
There are plenty of things you can do yourself as well, for minimum cost, if you would like me to elaborate leave a comment and I’m happy to make a list.
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chamoiswillow, i am not the poster but i would love to see this list! i live in a drafty old house, too.
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This is making some assumptions (i.e., no existing attic insulation). For an exhaustive list, here is a good link – http://www.energysavers.gov/your_home/
The first thing to do is to air-seal the top of the walls in the attic. The writer feels drafts coming from the basement, this is due to the warmed interior air rising and escaping via the attic. Spray foam or caulk the tops of the walls, even those tiny gaps where joists come together allow a lot of air through. Be sure to use fire-safe caulking or foam around the chimney penetration and any heat-producing equipment. Caulk around piping and electrical penetrations too. Next would be to insulate the attic, I like dense-packed cellulose (if you have attic floorboards, otherwise loose-fill and top it off in a year or so after it settles). You can rent the equipment to DIY. If you have recessed lights make sure they are IC – insulation contact – otherwise build a box around them with plywood or sheet metal.
Next would be to air seal the basement.
I started looking for a few links to include for more detail, and found such a good article that I am going to just stop typing and link it here.
http://www.homeenergy.org/show/article/year/1995/id/1173
The “meat and potatoes” for the homeowner start halfway down the page, the section titled “Sealing at the Top”, followed by “Sealing at the Bottom”.
A blower-door test by your local utility would help prioritize the biggest air leaks for you.
Hope this is helpful, I’ll check back if you have any questions.
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I don’t know where you live, but if you qualify for fuel assistance, chances are you qualify for help weatherproofing your house. (we never did qualify for food stamps, but we did qualify for all sorts of other aid…I would check on it)
When we lived in ND the state blew 65 bags of insulation into our walls, among other things.
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Was that a rental house? Usually the assistance programs are for homeowners only. Too bad because obviously the tenant suffers more than the landlord.
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We owned the house, it was a duplex.
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I am a renter and I qualified for the weatherization program in CA. Just needed a signature from my landlord and we were good to go!
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Amen. Just past 4 years o my own divorce, I left the house with all inside to my ex, got beds and any immediate furniture from my friends, borrowed some money to put downpayment for a tiny condo for myself and 2 kids and made it on one salary and while taking classes in the evening at massage school. Less than 2 years later had to sell the condo (moved across the cluntry) and pay up the difference (market tanked by then), and I paid every penny (as well as all the money I borrowed). Priorities. It is possible. Stable job surely helps, even if not paying too well.
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We all battle financially for something or other. These winning stories keep us motivated. Thanks for snaring!
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Agreed! And this is a good one. Almost sounds like Amy Dacyczyn wrote it.
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I know you meant to say ‘sharing’ but the ‘snaring’ is just as great if not better.
May she continue to beat the snare drum to succes!
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Well said Brian. Yeah, I meant Sharing
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That’s amazing. You are doing everything responsibly. I wish most people understood the value of taking one slow step at a time in order to get to the next level of happiness. I also live in a high cost area and go t graduate school and couldn’t imagine doing it with two children.
You’re kind of amazing! congrats!
-Brian
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Your kids are certainly learning valuable lessons about living with less and enjoying better financial security because of it. My parents were always scraping by but would blow any “extra” cash on stuff we didn’t need (often leaving us with the choice to have either the electricity or the water cut off the next month). So, I learned to do the opposite of what I saw them doing growing up. But it takes more trial and error to learn from a bad example than from a good one like yours!
Daisy
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First time commenter… just wanted to say thanks for sharing, and you’re an inspiration!
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Congratulations on your progress; your justifiable pride in how you’ve persevered is evident.
To me, your story has a moral that we all need periodically to be reminded of: Happiness and satisfaction are mostly disconnected from material possessions and spending money.
Thanks for sharing your story.
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What an inspirational post! You sound like you have your head on straight and are a very rational thinker, not getting caught up in emotion when buying things and making financial plans. Maybe some day you could volunteer your time to help other people in your situation who can’t think and plan like you have. You’d be a fantastic resource for someone to go to!
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On the topic of your frugal retirement at age 67: If you were married for 10 years or more, you will likely qualify for spousal Social Security benefits (based on your ex-spouse’s earnings record) once you reach the appropriate age (unless, at that time, you’re married to a second spouse).
Given that it sounds like your ex-husband was the higher earner, this might end up being larger than your own benefit.
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I calculated that in. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be making the grade. I am assuming that I will be adding more to retirement funds (in fact, I am planning to max out my Roth IRA this year). However, it is nice to know that I will be able to at least survive even if I am not able to make too many more contributions.
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Great story, Clara. A friend of mine went on a mission trip to India and returned talking about how happy the people/ children were…he attributed it to the caste system which means folks remain in the same socioeconomic class the duration of their lives. So everyone is content with what they have!
How ironic that we do mission trips overseas — where in some places the people/ children are much more content than in the U.S.
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I cannot believe you would bring up the caste system as a symbol of Indian happiness. Seriously!
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A far better – and more accurate – example would be to look here in Japan. It’s a *generally* egalitarian, middle-class society. And people are mostly content with what they have.
Rather than everyone giving up because of an intractable, unequal system (which is what this guy’s friend saw in India), you have people who aren’t struggling because they have enough, and their children enjoy the same standard of living.
I think that’s a much better model to aspire to!
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I don’t think it’s fair to say that the caste system makes everyone in India content with what they have. Although things are changing as India grows in economic power, the caste system has in the past trapped many people in poverty and declared them untouchable. Dalits, (untouchables in India) have been discriminated against for centuries and are still the victim of hate crime and violent acts. There is still much caste on caste violence.
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Did someone really say this?! That the caste system makes people happy?! Spoken like someone at the top of the food chain. Your friend needs a reality check. There is a lot of religious violence, caste-based discrimination, and class immobility in India (I’m of Indian ethnicity, BTW).
To the original author – thanks for this. A friend of mine will be divorcing soon (I hope I hope I hope) and your post will be useful to her.
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I really don’t think BradMoore meant any negative by the statement. Granted, he might not understand the caste systems as some of you “professionals”. Just state what you know without trying to ridicule another person. I hate when we think we know so much about something that we have to put other people down!!!
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I don’t think people are trying to make this personal — they’re disputing the idea, not the person.
I don’t know enough about the caste system to comment either way, but I think people can be happy or unhappy in any income bracket. Jealousy and greed can make us unhappy — that’s something we can work on — but oppression is another story.
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Also, I (almost) hate to say this, but it is so typical that a missionary said this!
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This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Ignorance isn’t a good enough justification. I am Indian and attributing any sort of happiness to the caste system is akin to saying everyone was happier when slavery was legal in the US. The caste system as it was practiced in it’s heyday was as good as slavery where people were born into a certain caste and could never hope to aspire to anything better. People from lower castes were denied basic human rights. Would the commentators defending the original comment be as forgiving if it was about racism?
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What an awesome story in terms of overcoming personal challenges. So often we read PF stories about people saving from a young age and becoming rich, or else realizing they had way too much consumer debt and then blogging about how to get out of it. I love how you “looked in the mirror” and decided to take responsibility for your life. You could have easily slipped into a victim mindset and blamed the world, but instead you went on the offensive and are now in a great position going forward despite unfavourable circumstances (to say the least). Keep up the hard work, you are a true model for people out there going through tough times.
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thanks for sharing such an inspiring story, I was not so fortunate in planning my divorce so many years ago now but it ruined me financially, some of which I still owe today some 15 years later. BUT it made me much more financially smarter since then and definatly stronger!
Way to go on doing so much with so little!
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Two errors in the first paragraph? This comment is about editing, not being nice. JD, how about being nice to your readers?
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Yikes. Thanks, Diane. I fixed the obvious error, and corrected a case of clumsy wording. But I’m not sure what the second error is (maybe it was the clumsy construction). Apologies for those. Not sure how they made it through.
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Missing “years” in “But here I am, almost three later.” (8th paragraph)
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Thumbs down. Grammar police are a very annoying waste of blog space. We get his intent, unless it’s just unreadable due to errors then get over it.
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I’m also returning to graduate school in June. The job market is not very good and without a career change, I cannot afford my existing student loans, of which I have A LOT. I am only 25 and already have $15 k in a retirement account. Should I take that money out to pay cash for my tuition, or take out ANOTHER government student loan at 6.8% interest that I worry about being able to pay with my other tremendous debt obligations? Oh, to go back and talk to yourself at 18!
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So, so impressive. Your story is very inspiring! I hope you get a terrific job when you graduate!
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Great post! I’m terrified of finding myself divorced without any assets (which is an extreme worry, since I’m not even dating anyone let alone in disintegrating marriage!)
Hopefully frugal living and saving now will put me in the right position to handle any financial storm I have to weather throughout adulthood.
Thanks for sharing your story. I think you have a lot of happiness ahead of you!
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Bridget, I’m not sure if you meant to, but you really cracked me up with your honesty
Don’t worry, if you’re not married no spouse can take your cash just yet!
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I’m curious to know what happened to your husband’s financial situation during the same time frame (if you know and don’t mind telling). Were there no savings/property to split at the time of the divorce, or was it war – and he was determined to win it?
Anyway, thanks for your inspiring story. Good for you for doing so well with so little. I’m sure there were many dark moments for you, and you should be very proud of everything you’ve accomplished!
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Very Inspiring story. You can make it far in just three years can’t you? I was at my lowest point financially just three and a half years ago when I bought a brand new car with no money down. I already had student loan debt as well. I blog about what I learned from that and how I never want to go back at http://www.youngcheapliving.com.
Keep up the great work. Working hard and living cheap pays off big time. The best part about it is you’re setting a good example for your kids every day. When they grow up, they will have a lot of wisdom from how you lived which will hopefully help them be way ahead of the game.
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That reminds me of back in the 1970s living on five dollars a week no children though but it sure was rough. I took on a hard very physical job that no one else would do and recently retired from it.
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Wonderful story! You are brilliant. This story should be required reading for every highschool senior and should be published in USA Today. Americans who are struggling need such inspiration. Be proud of where you are. Happiness was bound to be yours with such an intelligent and disciplined life.
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If you are still in the cottage, and will be there for another winter, I would recommend putting those foam interconnecting tiles down… it has raised the floor temperature from 36 to 46 degrees in the mornings in my cottage; which is completely open underneath. This has helped drop my electrical bill down a lot this winter.
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Very interesting post. Im a widow whose been unemployed since 2005 and as a result had to live on life insurance. That means now I live on his social security and a tiny pension..a little less than the number you mentioned, with a college age still partially dependent son. Its amazing what you can do if you have to. In my case, I’ve chosen to return to school part time (not to get a real job) but to enable me to be a better fiber artist.
for what its worth, I know this is get rich slowly, but I personally am always more interested in happy frugality articles than I am in make more money articles. Contentment can be a virtue sometimes
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i like the ‘how to make more money’ articles that don’t require gaming interest rates or buying short term CDs.
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So strange how so many think the first thing they need to do when in financial straits is go to college to get more “education”. College at any level (BS,MS,PHD) is a big drain on your energy and pocketbook and in most cases does not provide meaningful skills or knowledge.. It’s usu. just an expensive rubber stamp. The most sensible thing one could do in that situation is apply a trade skill they have ( or go learn one ASAP) to start making money. This is only going to be moreso the case as real skills become valued and colleges become more exposed for the scams they are..
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Maybe. But I absolutely love to be in school and I suspected that once I started working full-time and taking care of my children, that dream might get harder and harder to accomplish. I picked a program that is relatively marketable and have really pushed myself to learn skills that include analysis of social statistics so that I can move forward not only financially, but also in terms of what I can add to add to public policy research in an area that I am passionate about. And it gives me more credentials to move into areas I am interested in. And the year of free tuition as graduate assistant didn’t hurt any!
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I’m not surprised that’s what people think — half the PF blogs I see push doing anything you have to do to get a better job and earn more income.
I initially got stuck in a field where there were supposed to be tons of jobs — jobs which never appeared and the employment situation got worse every year after that. I went to grad school to switch careers, but it was a program that gave me marketable skills and a work/study option that helped pay the bills and get me into the workforce after I graduated.
You’re right — sometimes another degree is just another piece of paper, but when you’re smart about what you’re doing it can open doors.
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Doug, I fully agree that higher education requires time, money, and energy. But for many people, it’s a pathway to a job that they love and that pays well. Trade schools are also fabulous options.
But I think each person needs to weigh the costs and benefits of any schooling. As someone who pursued graduate school, I truly loved it. Even though I’m paying off student loans now, I know that it was worth it. In 10 years, I have nearly quadrupled my income and I couldn’t have done it without additional education.
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A college education is absolutely a drain on time, energy and money. The big mistake we make is that we fail to consider the notion of “will this be worth it?” before we set off down that path. I went to college and nearly but not quite earned a computer science degree. This hasn’t hurt me because I’ve been able to make a living off my computer programming skills, which were partly self-taught and partly taught through my college courses. It’s important to note though, that it’s the skills and not the degree that earns me a living. Anyone considering a program in higher education really needs to consider the following: “what skills will this program teach me?” and also “who is going to pay me to use those skills, and how much?” the answers to those questions need to be carefully weighed against the cost of the program, or you really risk spending years of your life accomplishing little besides digging yourself into a big pile of debt.
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I’m in medical school. Yeah my skills will be of utmost importance, but guess what, I can’t put them to use without the degree and license. I could have been a PA or nurse, but I would have been miserable (I don’t know if I’d be poorer – I’ll pull in more cash as a physician, but the training is long and expensive and I won’t get paid well for many, many more years). Sometimes you need a degree or degrees to get where you want, especially if you certain ambitions – law, medicine, counseling, social work come to mind.
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Med school is NOT a good example. The rates are high, but so is the eventual pay. (Despite what any doctor will tell you.) No one thinks if you compare the lifetime net earnings of a nurse vs. a doctor that the nurses come out ahead. I’ve never heard ANYONE say that. Even once you factor in the two degrees that a doctor needs.
But I do know several people who have PhDs and earn less than their counterparts who just went out into the workforce after undergrad.
I also have several friends who did social work programs and now struggle to pay their bills. Their debt is so high compared to the actual living. For some reason the cost of those programs are high but the pay is NOT.
I think this story isn’t finished, so why is in here now. She’s not finished. We;re assuming she will get a good job. Yes, education is great. Following your passion is great too. But in this economy, she could get really screwed. I’ve seen people who would have been financially better off NOT going to school. They are having trouble finding a decent job above retail and their debt looms.
It’s NOT a bad idea today to look at the return on your investment. Return on med school is GOOD. Return on a Master’s in social work is not always so great.
Also, what’s not mentioned here is that she clearly had a degree already. That means her undergrad degree was not enough to get her a decent job. Food for thought…
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My undergraduate degree did get me a job, 16 years ago… After spending 13 years as a stay at home mom and separating at the height of the 2008 financial crisis, not so much… I will have no student loan or any other debt when I graduate. I chose a state school close to my house, paid much of the tuition in cash the first year and then got a full tuition plus stipend scholarship. People told me I couldn’t find a job (I did – part-time, $15 an hour my first year of school), that I couldn’t live on my income (I did and saved some as well), that I would not get the grad assistant because I was too old (49 – but I got it). Now I hear people worry that I won’t get a job. According to my calculations, I need to earn $18,000 a year to maintain my current lifestyle (I still will get child support but not alimony). If necessary I can ditch my internet access once I graduate, plus I can cancel my $20 cell plan and reign in some other luxuries that have crept in such as Netflix. I can even stop contributing to my Roth IRA. But, frankly, I plan to do a bit better than that. I have built strong skills and worked incredibly hard. I really don’t fear finding a job. Some of my fellow graduates are so full of fear about a bad economy and the need to earn a certain salary, that they impede their own success. I want a nice job where I can wear jeans and sneakers sometimes and work with great people and put something positive out in the world – recreating local economies would be nice – I am just saying : ) And I don’t need to earn that much. I am allowing myself a full year to find that job. It will happen!
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Clara,
You seem like an amazing person. Feed on the negativity! It’s good for you!
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Bravo!! Appreciate you sharing the wonderful and inspiring story. It is always a great thing to see people take lemons and make wonderful lemonade!!
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Clara, we could almost be telling the same story. (Except my ex husband wasn’t so reliable about child support!)
I left with 4 boys under 5 and $60 in the bank. I was a teacher, but with that many kids I was a SAHM, with plans to go back to work once the youngest was in primary school. Those four years were incredibly hard financially. I was cleaning houses just to get a few extra dollars to make ends meet.
14 years on: I own my home, I’ve taken the boys on 3 overseas trips (Bali, Phuket and Singapore), I’ve been working full-time for 10 years and I have what’s turning out to be an urban farm in my backyard! My oldest is at uni, my younger 3 attend the same secondary school I teach at and we’re all going great.
Divorce turned out to be one of the best financial (and emotional) decisions I could have made. Good on you Clara! Keep plugging away!
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Whew, I do not know how you did that! Congratulations!
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Really great story (not the divorce part, but the success part).
Just goes to show that what you spend is just as important as what you make. Kudos for staying disciplined in tough times.
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Interesting….the key here was that you had no prior debt (before divorce). Your ex sounds reasonable too and kept up with support payments.
You were in a strong place financially and emotionally before the divorce and that helps.
I also survived divorce…an ugly one…no child support and a barrage of abuse by phone, mail and face-to-face. My ex tried to break me in every way that a woman can be broken but he did not succeed. Three years on, I am thriving and life is good!
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@Clara — Kudos and best wishes! Your story is inspiring.
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Great story! Just wondering how you afford health insurance? That’s my biggest concern right now…
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It’s amazing how much you can save when you learn to really hold the line! Most of are able to live on far less than we think, if we put our minds to it. Thanks for the inspiration!
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Clara, my divorce was finalized last week, and I very much needed to read this. Everything seems overwhelming right now, and I feel such pressure to have it all figured out now now now. Thank you for sharing your patience, your thoughtfulness, and your care.
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What a great story! Congratulations to you, Clara, for living the old adage “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”
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In response to the comment about education. I work in a field where a BS is an entry requirement. I also work with several people who look at a PhD for an entry requirement for their field. So the need for education, is not just a delay tactic.
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As you have a part-time job as a TA, and will have your masters, if you enjoy teaching, check out the Community Colleges in your area. They may have an opening for full-time or as an Adjunct (part-time) for evening classes; my spouse does this. And, you may earn retirement credit from your state’s Teachers Retirement.
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Inspiring story Clara. You’ve accomplished a great deal. Best wishes and happiness in your future.
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Clara, thank you for sharing your story. I couldn’t help wondering, though, as a parent myself, how you handled child care costs? Covering rent, utilities, a car loan, groceries, and incidentals is hard enough on a part-time job, but how did you pay for after-school and vacation care too? (Please don’t take this as a criticism, because it’s not – but at least here in Boston, after-school and decent vacation care is fantastically expensive, and child care for the very young is even more. Thanks.)
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Luckily, I had accessible child care for after school and one of my summer job allowed me to bring my kids (community pool). I had free care for the other times. Paying child care would definitely have made my life very difficult, if not impossible. Accessible, good child care would help many women become more economically productive and able to share their creative talents.
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I don’t want to be critical of what you did. You survived and that’s awesome.
But to not even MENTION that you had a leg up in childcare is ridiculous for an article like this. I find alot of the reader stories are like this. They leave out a lot of the expenses. They make it all seem like it is doable if you just pull up your socks and stop going for lattes.
Clothing or toys are hardly my biggest expenses. (Despite probably spending a touch more than I need to.) My biggest expense is childcare. Period. And for most single mothers, that would be even more so. I shudder to think what I would do if I was alone in this and it was just my salary trying to pay all the bills. Forget garage sales or board game nights.
I’ve been crunching numbers and we thought that once the kids were in regular school, we’d have more money. But with after/before school care and vacation care – not to mention summer camp, I may actually be putting out more. We’re looking to have me transition to part time work so I can be home so we don’t have to outlay so much for child care through the elementary school years.
At my public pool we would not be able to just let the kids come and hang out. They must be supervised by an adult while there.
And while I get a great deal of support on weekends (but not on a regular basis) from relatives. I can’t rely on them for my childcare. It’s just not doable for my situation. My relatives can handle a few hours and a meal. But all day is too much for various reasons.
JD – I think it’s time to adopt a new style for reader stories and start probing. Perhaps the editing can be matched up with someone who is in a similar spot in life. Like a parent can edit this story and ask more questions.
I’m NOT inspired when people leave a huge piece of the puzzle. It just makes me feel like they can do something I can’t. (Although in this case, I’m MUCH better off.) But if I left my husband I would have maybe three times? as much as she has on a good day and I would still struggle.
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Any interesting post will inspire me to look at my situation and see what costs I thought were fixed are really flexible if I approach them differently. As everyone is in a slightly different situation – geographic location/family/health/education/ kids etc having all the details in a post, IMO, simply gives readers an opportunity to ‘tune out’ the message by saying it can’t apply to them.
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hmmm…I don’t want to be rude or anything, but sometimes you CAN’T stay in a marriage or relationship and you do whatever you have to do to make ends meet!!! I too got divorced and started a business that my children could come with me when not in school. They did not complain that we did not have television much less cable because I read them books every night. We played games and my oldest child was accepted to a very prestigious college with a full ride scholarship for academics! Good for you, Clara…keep up the good work!
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Kudos to Clara… you are brave and strong and an inspiration to other women out there struggling. Thanks for sharing your story!!!
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Thanks for the inspiration!
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Thank you for sharing your story, Clara! I really admire all that you’ve accomplished, and you have been such a wonderful role model for your children.
I finished graduate school last year. By doing so, I was able to stay in a field that I love and secure a better job. I have adjuncted with a Masters, and I’ll second an earlier suggestion that you look into that too.
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Thank you for sharing your very real and inspirational story.
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Bravo Clara, bravo.
I read your story and I feel nothing but gratitude for the gift of life and all its little joys.
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Thanks for the encouraging story clara. #15 Chamois went into structural detail which may be difficult with a rental but as a life long renter, i have found that if you do the research and it is something you can DIY (and feel comfortable with), if you present the landlord with all the info and say either i’ll do it with permission, or i’ll do it if I can take cost of materials out of rent, sometimes gets you what you want. Works with landlords…rental agents not so much.
other than that, I suppose you’ve done all the standard rental tricks to hold in warmth like (as mentioned) foam mats–you can come up with cheaper subs to the commercial mats. Lots of rugs, even small ones scattered, with foam no slip mats, chair covers for any open back chair (or draped throws), drapes, couch covers, socket covers, heat wrap on the windows that you keep closed, etc. (cover or take out air units).
Even those little foam things stuck behind socket/switch plates help and if you have a medicine cabinet in the bath, caulk around the opening inside the door–those things rarely fit well. If you have a drafty door, you can pin nail, magnet, velcro (whatever the lease allows) styrofoam sheets covered in a pretty fabric onto the surface to help both drafts and noise from other rooms. Kids love it as bulletin boards.
oh, and think about long bake stuff instead of stove top cooking. It may trade one cost for another but baking a potato instead of nuking it toasts the kitchen well. Speaking of cold floors, put mats in the kitchen. Lots of fabric everywhere also stimulates the psychological feeling of warmth.
If you burn a candle near your one study light, you will “feel” warmer and cozier while you study. Or get a tea warmer and keep a cup of something warm over a tea light while you study. I cannot emphasize the psychological of that, enough.
Lots of such space warming stuff can be found at yard sales/thrift/dollar store and can be carried forward to any small, possibly older, own-house. Good luck on your journey!
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oh, and as to mats, I have a childfree friend who picked up some of those locking kiddy play mats in primary colors at a flea market, super cheap; spray painted dark and poly’d them, then covered them with rugs just like a reg. floor to match decor (2 sets/2 small rooms).
of course they only lasted a winter or two but the difference they made in her drafty, one radiator apartment was astounding.
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You don’t mention what you did for health insurance?
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Health insurance is one big reason why we are still legally married. Unfortunately, while it gives me health insurance it keeps all of my assets tied up with his so I cannot access them yet. Luckily I mostly trust him so I am comfortable with that. If that were not the case, I would have purchased health insurance privately. My university does offer student insurance, but it is inadequate for anything major. Since I am going to be 50 this year, I feel like I need decent health insurance. A relatively harmonius break-up (and believe me, I had to eat a lot of complaints to achieve this) has been very helpful on getting back on my feet.
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Clara – great story. I think you and Donna Freedman could swap some good stories about living on very little. You should be very proud of what you’ve accomplished, and I wish you the best of luck in the future.
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I admire the resilience shining out from this raw straight from the heart story.
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Although I don’t have children yet, I can identify with making the decision to leave a relationship.
Congrats on your resiliency and courage.
It does get better. Here’s to a brighter future!
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Great story! I think you are a good example of how having a clear set of goals and plans, couple with some perseverance can make anything possible.
Best of luck to you!
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