The “Ask the Readers” feature has always been popular at Get Rich Slowly. It’s a great way for people like you to ask questions about money, and, best of all, it’s a chance to help others solve their problems. But there’s no doubt that the “how much do you spend?” questions get the most responses.
Maybe that’s why Kate wrote recently to ask a question that hadn’t ever occurred to me. She wants to know how much you spend on kids. Here’s her e-mail:
We’re thinking about starting a family soon. I realize there are a lot of costs when it comes to having and raising a child, from clothes to diapers to child care to toys to car seats. I also know that these costs can vary greatly, but having never been a parent before, I have no idea what the range can be. I’d like to hear from readers about how much they spend per month on their children. Are we talking an extra $100 a month — or an extra thousand? Under what circumstances? Do the costs go up or down as the child grows?
This is one of those discussions where I’ll have to bow out. I spend zero dollars per month on children because, so far, I’ve elected not to have any. (But isn’t that “so far” kind of interesting? I think so.)
So, I leave Kate’s question entirely in your hands, readers. How much do you spend on your children? Are kids more expensive as newborns or as teenagers? How would you advise prospective parents to prepare financially?
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My son is 3.5 and in full-time daycare. He costs nearly $1,000/mo. We get most of his toys and clothing at consignment, he is still in night diapers. Most of that cost is his daycare, some of it is food that mainly he eats (WAFFLES!), some of it is impulse purchases (the new comb and brush after he does a great job getting a haircut). Some of it is the cost of babysitting on date night. Some of it is the extra cost of travel (technically he could fly free until he was two but has had his own seat since he was about 15 months because OH MY mama needs a little room to breathe while being super zen on a plane).
The flip side is we eat out less, we see fewer movies, we are not doing any major renovation at the house until he’s more mature… so there is some savings there.
He has gotten a little less expensive over time, but I think 5-7 are going to be the golden years (public school and not much after school activity).
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I’m surprised you think 5-7 will be the “golden years”… I’m finding my children (a 3.5YO girl and an 11 month old boy) are getting more expensive with age (like a fine wine!). While my breastfed, cloth diapered son (meaning I spend next to nothing to feed and diaper him on a daily basis) is cheap cheap cheap, my daughter’s preschool, dance lessons, swim classes, and art camps (yes, I know, I’m a chronic overscheduler – trust me, she likes it, or we wouldn’t do it) far out pace the costs we spent on her nanny when she was an infant (when I worked outside the home).
Has anybody found a true “golden age” of paying for children – when the cost is truly minimal?
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I’m also in the camp of 5 to 7 years being the golden age of non spending on kids. Maybe sooner if you’re not paying for daycare. As far as a 3.5 y.o., she may love art camp, but she’d likely be just as happy with some fingerpaints. She may love dance lessons, but you could probably get similar love by going over some instructional dance videos for children with her on youtube.
There are, of course, some kids who really love something and some kids who display a prodigious ability in an area. Then the spending on lessons and camps is perhaps less optional. But a typical child is not going to be disadvantaged even a little bit if they’re not enrolled in extracurricular activities until second or third grade.
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In my case, I have one child who just finished the proposed “golden years”, and watching a video or playing with paints at no cost are great ideas (we did them too), but, alone, would not have brought the countless benefits that my son (and I) got from taking classes. He loved (and still does) being with gangs of other kids maybe because he’s often only with his parents. He loved being out in the world meeting other adults and kids, and I met and made friends with other parents. It also gave me a breather when he was in class, especially as a part-time stay at home parent, to catch my breath and be ready to parent again. To save costs I’d recommend checking out classes at a local community center which can be quite cheap.
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Chiming in late, but from my perspective as a parent of 3 teens, (one in college, one starting in 6 months) I believe the golden age for minimal costs is around 30 or 35.
My opinion on the cost of children – Everything! Money, time, effort, emotions… You name it, they take it.
“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
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I’ve read nearly every comment and I have yet to see anyone mention the cost of support payments. I feel confident suggesting that no one brings a child (or children) into the world expecting to separate but the reality is that nearly half (or is it more?) marriages end in divorce.
I appreciate this is a contentious point, but it bears expressing if we are to look at all sides of the prospect of bringing a child into the world.
While I can’t speak to the Family Law situation in the US, here in Canada the courts are heavily weighted in favour of mothers, and always so with disastrous financial results for fathers. While I don’t want to make a sweeping generalization (as every situation is unique), it’s fair to say that fathers can expect to pay 30% of their income to their ex-wife in child support payments, EXCLUSIVE of spousal support, until the child is either 18, OR 21 if in college or university. He also doesn’t have a say in any way whatsoever as to how those funds are allocated.
I’ve also heard of horrific situations in which mothers lie about their income (it’s very easy to hide tip money or under-the-table cash arrangements to “bump up” the required payments). In our case, and because of the reason noted above, my husband paid his ex 55% of his take-home income, EVEN WHILE sharing custody equally with his ex-wife AND paying for their medical, dental, hair, and school costs. She also collected nearly $700 a month for CCTB (think of it as “baby bonus” from the government). She managed their clothing costs.
I’m not trying to be a Negative Nelly here, but unfortunately, divorced families are often at a tremendous financial disadvantage, and in 95% of cases, men are the ones who pay the price.
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$1250/month for daycare, ~75/month medical on average, and ~50/month on food for our 1-year old. Hard to estimate the “miscellaneous” costs, maybe another 50.
We live in a city with one of the higher costs of living. She still shares our room so there’s no increased housing cost right now.
But I think the biggest “cost” — and joy — has to do with time.
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We’ve had to spend very little on clothing. So far it has just come to us in the form of presents and hand-me-downs. Everybody has extra baby clothing. Similarly, toys seem to magically appear in large numbers because everybody else has too many too.
Childcare is expensive. We were paying $8/hr for one-on-one care, $690/month for infant daycare, and $590/month for preschool, all in a mostly rural area. (A year we spent in an expensive city, we paid $1200/month for preschool.) Currently we’re paying $8000/year for private school plus $45/day for summer camp. But the private school option is optional (we’d still be paying for preschool if we weren’t doing it).
Disposable diapers are costly, not just from their base price, but also from the increased trips to the store if you choose that option. (Perhaps ordering online cuts that cost. Diapers.com didn’t exist with our first). Cloth diapers vary in price as well. Here’s Que Sera pondering prices of disposable vs. cloth for someone who is considering a diaper service. http://abdmama.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/putting-where-my-mouth-is/
The birth of our first child cost almost exactly our additional tax credit for that first year. This one should cost something like $90 with the three copays I’ll have to pay. Not sure why my insurance changed, but it did.
Kids can cost more or less depending on the choices you make.
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We only have one toddler (while we’re trying to have another), so I can’t speak to school aged kids yet or multiple. That being said, there’s a lot of start up costs before things settle in. Somethings we absolutely bought new, like our carseat and crib (and this we did because of safety concerns). Most of our daughter’s clothes are used (either bought used or is handed down). And some things you see “suggested” we didn’t get at all. In the end, we spent about $1000 to get our daughter set up, but we also had to spend another $1000 on some medical things that came up. Month to month, we spend probably about $200 extra for her upkeep, but half of that is her 529 contribution. We never spent much on baby food. We do, however, have to spend about $700 on part-time day care, although we’re on the cheaper end of friends we have on that one. She also benefits by being currently the only grandchild on both sides. After here, I don’t know but my father-in-law keeps telling me the costs go up.
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Agreed – our daughter is 15 months old now, and for the first year of her life we also spent ~$200/month on food/formula/diapers/etc (as a foodie, super frugal person, and crazy environmentalist I did not expect to LOVE disposable diapers and formula as passionately as I do, but all I can say is don’t judge until you’ve been there), $500/month on her 529 plan, and $550/month on childcare. But keep in mind the childcare number is an average over her first year of life, which includes “free” childcare during 3 months maternity leave (part of which unpaid). We are currently paying ~$1400/month for our part-time nanny (grandma watches her the rest of the time so we can both work full time).
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I am going to concentrate on on-going costs. Acquiring the necessary equipment can be rather easily calculated.
Infants: Diapers are an on-going cost, whether it be disposable, diaper service or even increased laundry costs. Feeding supplies whether that be pads, pumps and Lanolin for the nursing Mom or formula for weaned babies. Maybe special detergent for the first few weeks to wash clothes.
If both parents work: Daycare. Factor in some sort of grocery cost because making everything from scratch will be difficult everyday.
Fast forward.. My sons are 16 and 12. Now my 16 Yo attends a parochial school, participates in band and follows a dress code. There are fund raisers, retreats and service opportunities (yes we pay). He is given $80 a month for his lunches/allowance. We have to provide transportation and school is 13 miles from home. Drivers ed, license fees, car insurance…
My 12 Yo is in public school, but there was still a materials fee of about $80 for the year, plus 6th grade camp ($120), t-shirts for field day, PTO carnival, skating parties, lunches, school supplies, transportation costs include his bike (recently tuned up for $80), or us driving him the mile in bad weather. He plays sports all year around – Football, basketball, soccer, baseball. So team fees, shoes and other personal equipment, entrance fees for games (Football and basketball) team parties, team fund raisers, our turn to take team snacks… He also is in band, so outside lessons, instruments;
In 2011, For the family of 4 we spent approximately:
$2568 – Apparel
$1500 – Non-tuition education
$2000 – Sports and music (not counting entrance fees or going out with the team afterwards)
$1400 – braces for the 12 YO – full payment
We could go on about bigger car, more food (I have teen boys), bigger house, replacing furniture they get careless with, medical and dental costs…
Now, of course, a lot of this is optional. But it enhances the experience. Hope this helps.
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Is your cost for braces post dental insurance? I’ve recently just shoppped for braces for another one of our kids and nobody is willing to do them in the Philly area for less than 5 grand! And that’s a cash price. If we’d have set up a payment plan or used a credit card, it’d be a lot more. (We don’t have dental insurance).
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same area in delaware a little over 6k insurance has a max of 1k payout. That might be the yearly cost, prorated
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Braces were $2000 (not covered by dental insurance) for me over 30 years ago!
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5-6K is the norm here in Seattle.
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Total in GA for braces for myself was $5K. Insurance covered $1K.
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Just to terrify anyone contemplating children, I would like to point out that my brother turns 25 this year and is still living at home. The £250 rent he pays to my parents gets redistributed to his little sister (me, aged 22) to make sure she doesn’t starve in the big city while she earns her degree, so my long suffering ma and pa are in the hole from putting him up.
I think I once worked out how much I’d cost my parents over the years, in a vain attempt to see how famous an artist I’d have to become to pay them back. It was close to half a million pounds. While I’ll probably never be able to pay them back, I’m going to make sure I look after them in old age.
Children are the ultimate STD. You will never get rid of us. Sorry mum and dad!
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I’m going to make sure I look after them in old age.
How? You can’t even take care of yourself. You just admitted that you’re 22, and still living off an “allowance” of £250/month. How can you possibly support yourself, a family, and your parents on a starving artist’s income?
I can’t tell if your comment was tongue-in-cheek, but I didn’t detect even a twinge of guilt in what you’re doing to your parents. If I were in your shoes, I’d feel obligated to do everything in my power to 1) get off their teat, and 2) pay them back.
It sounds like you desperately need a better plan.
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How extremely rude and judgemental. I have no idea but Ru is doing, but given that she’s 22 and earning her degree, I’d guess that she’s in training for some kind of professional career – many professions involve studying and limited earning potential until well into your 20s. $250 a month is a drop in the ocean compared to the amount she might spend studying at a good school in a city area.
I’m 30 and having studied for my professional qualifications I’m only now fully financially independent. I could have achieved what I have without any support from my parents, but I would have accrued more debt (at minimum) and it would have made many things more difficult. I’m extremely grateful to have parents who were both able and willing to support me on my journey: like Ru, I can never pay them back for the financial investment in me (or indeed the emotional support) but thanks to their support, I’m now in a career which will realistically allow me the kind of earnings that will enable me to support them in their old age. I had the opportunity to be ‘off the teat’, as you so dismissively put it, at age 23 but if I’d stayed in the career I was in then I would have been limiting myself to much lower earnings which (among other things) would have made it difficult for me to support my family in later years.
There’s no duty for parents to support children into their adult years, but some choose to do so. Those of us who have had the privilege of that support are (mostly) extremely grateful for it. I too dream of somehow ‘hitting the big time’ so I can pay everything back and more, but like Ru, I know my realistic goal is to succeed professionally so I can support my family when they really need me.
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In general I respectfully disagree with the idea that “well, I could have done it on my own and taken out debt, but my parents offered to help, so….” because, in my mind, part of being a responsible adult is investing appropriately in goals and making sacrifices for what one wants. I would say take out the debt, work as much as you could to take out as little as possible, and then immediately put yourself on a debt repayment plan. I’ve been financially independent since I was 18, and yes, it was hard, even with working full time and having academic scholarships, but I think dealing with the guilt of taking money from my parents who have little to spare would have been harder. I accrued about $20,000 in debt from 18-23, and then I paid it all of from 23-26, while working full time and going to grad school full time (so work would pay for grad school)- not easy, but worth it for my own sense of independence.
As a tangent- I know I’m in the minority because on the whole I don’t think parents have responsibility for a child’s post high school education. If they do, I guess that’s a nice perk, but I think it is an unreasonable expectation. Offering to let a child live at home while he/she works full time and pays cash along the way for the first two years of basics at the community college? Sure, that’s a great agreement. Taking out hundreds of thousands of dollars in your own name on behalf of your child so they can go to a private university and study a gen ed path with no discernible career in sight? Not a good plan, and one I sadly see a lot. I think a huge issue with the burden of student loans on college graduates is the lack of firm boundaries on the part of the *parents* to just tell them “NO, it is not a good idea to borrow $30K a year on a private school education to become a teacher.” Instead, so many parents just sign the papers and go along with whatever their child wants, which truly baffles me.
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You know, the more I think about it, it’s clear that my opinions on this matter of parents supporting adult children through college is a function of my being raised pretty poor with parents who were both working class/blue collar workers until I was about 17. If my parents had, say, saved money specifically for my college needs and they were not struggling themselves perhaps I would feel differently. So, take my comment in that light; just sharing my perspective from my upbringing/culture.
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I think you overacted to her comment. She’s still in school and her parents give her some money to help her out, which is pretty common. She didn’t make any mention of having her own family yet, she just observed how much she’d cost her parents over the years.
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I think you’re either confusing Ru with her brother or projecting other people’s issues on her. She’s finishing up her degree, and lots of students have help from their parents in university. That’s not a crime. Unless she plans to stay a student forever, I imagine she’s planning on getting a job and being financially independent. Since she’s reading this blog, I’m guessing she’s probably much smarter about money than many people her age.
She’s likely got at least 30 years before she will actually be supporting her parents, if indeed that is necessary. She’s at the beginning of her financial journey, and kudos to her for thinking about something that many people’s don’t worry about until their parents are in dire straights.
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Dial down the concern, Kevin. Don’t let yourself get so worked up so early in the morning.
I’m sure you never had any help at all, you did everything by yourself, opened every door that got in your way.
You know how we’re having a bit of a jobs crisis right now? That’s what you should be concerned about. If you want a productive, tax-paying youth to mature and contribute so that our entire society can be taken care of in the future, the focus for all of us is how to stop the bleeding. Soaring student loan debt and few jobs, even for previously considered safe professions like law, are what’s going to hurt us most. The entire topic of this discussion, babies and how much they cost, won’t be a concern for an educated and jobless generation — they just won’t be able to afford kids at all.
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Kevin, you might want to simmer down with the judgment.
“I didn’t detect even a twinge of guilt in what you’re doing to your parents.”
She isn’t doing anything TO her parents. Her parents are choosing to distribute their money that way. Last time I checked parents are usually the “adults” in the parent-child relationship (even if both parties are legal adults) and have control over the decisions they are making.
I’d save the judgment for after you know all the facts. She never claimed she would be a starving artist (shockingly, there are artists that actually make money), and she acknowledged she’s still in school. While I find it very admirable that some people turn 18 and immediately become self-sufficient, that’s not how it works for everyone. Some children are raised with the expectation that their parents will support them through college – just because she appears to be one of these people does not make her a bad person.
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I don’t feel guilty, because I haven’t forced them to do anything, they can afford it and, most importantly- they planned for it. I do feel immensely grateful to my mum and dad though. After 2 years of working in an office straight out of school, I was presented an amazing opportunity: a place at the best art school in Europe. My parents could see that I wasn’t happy where I was and they told me to take the opportunity and do something for myself instead of someone else. My whole life I’d been trying to live up to this future they’d projected on to me (they wanted a scientist or a doctor), and then when I left school I was not only working full time but looking after my boyfriend who had severe depression.
I don’t know if you know this, but design university is not like other universities. I’m not a history or sociology student, waltzing in for 3 hours of lectures a week. Working in the studio is 10 to 6 (or later) job, and it doesn’t leave much scope for part time work, especially when you have no bar or retail experience and the employers in London have a massive pool to draw from. I was lucky enough to get some work audio typing, but it’s very ad-hoc, so I’m only making about £90 a month.
Am I living in a penthouse in Chelsea scoffing down caviar and champagne? No, I live in a box room in Camberwell in an ex-council flat I share with 4 other people. I eat mainly vegetables and rice. I don’t go out drinking or partying, unless it’s a house party. That £250 is half my rent. I cover the rest: my travel, school supplies (I’m talking bags of porcelain here, not a biro), mandatory trips and gallery visits, clothing, food, the list goes on and on.
Also “how can you support yourself, a family, and your parents on a starving artist’s income?”
1- I don’t plan to have natural children. I may adopt or foster.
2- My parents do have a pension, they’re not idiots. And my mum has told me specifically that she would like to live with me in old age so I can keep an eye on her.
3- I’m not going to be a starving artist, I’m going to be a ceramic designer. And there’s always scope for a full time office job with ceramics on the side until I’m there.
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Ha ha! You’re awesome! I loved that reply! (And your parents sound like really cool people).
But please, please, please try to eat some fish
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Ru, obviously only you and your parents are able to pass judgment on what is acceptable in your relationship with money and university… But you have to be willing to be honest with yourself as well.
It’s a bit unfair to, in your first sentence accuse your brother of being a bum, and in the next sentence admit that his contribution of cash is part of the money financing YOUR education!
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Given the very high cost of adoption and the ongoing costs of kids that many have discussed in the comments (which would seem to apply regardless of biological/adopted/foster origins), how do you see your choice to not have *biological* kids as a cost-savings?
I’m just trying to understand your rationale.
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The reason I call my brother a bum is because he’s messed up again and again. Instead of stepping back and assessing the situation, he has throw himself into training twice- first he tried to get a degree in maths and dropped out in his first years, secondly he failed a city and guilds course in plumbing. My parents have supported him through all that and support him now (sadly, he was very recently made redundant). He is slowly paying off his initial debt to them for that, I believe it’s 6K, I’m not sure.
It’s a bit of a tongue in cheek thing, but it’s also kind of true… it took me a lot of persuading to accept help from my parents, I wanted to do it all on my own, get into horrible debt or even make money in a dodgy manner to support myself, whereas my brother is happy to take without questions or persuasion. There’s also a bit of bad blood between my brother and I, I don’t want to go into it but it is not a very happy sibling relationship. That’s one of the main reasons I moved out and my parents are happy to support that decision, they know that I flourish without my brother and wither somewhat when he’s there.
And El Nerdo, I do eat fish- if I find it in the bargain bin! The funny thing is I was veggie for 8 years and now as an omnivore I eat much healthier with a lot more vegetables. Picky teenagers do not make good vegetarians.
As for the high cost of adoption, I’m not sure how it works in the UK, but I don’t think adoption of older children is as expensive here, and fostering can pay £250 a week.
But most importantly of all, I love my parents. They are wonderful people. We may not always see eye to eye, but they have always wanted the best for me. My mum was the eldest of 4 and the only one from her working class Manchester background to go to uni and I think she sees a lot of me in her. I am proud to have them!
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Re. # 99:
I’m not sure how it works in the UK, but in the U.S., adopting a child domestically from the foster care system is free. This is what I plan to do if I ever do decide to have children. (Of course, some kids in foster care have serious emotional, physical, or cognitive issues, but no child is guaranteed to be free of such problems.)
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Interesting response, Ru; I share the same sentiment – 18 is not some magic number where the financial obligation ends. Thankfully I have not relied on my mother financially since I moved out when I was 20, probably to my own detriment no matter how much I tried to muscle it completely on my own. Had I stayed home longer, completed a Bachelor’s degree (I have an Associates) and so on, I would probably be in a much better position now. She would have allowed me to stay as long as I needed to, but it was my decision to leave. Huge mistake that was.
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Very cute post Ru. lol Ask your parents…you were worth every single penny.
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How can you drop a bombshell like that? You are thinking of having kids…
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To me, the “…so far” is pretty UNinteresting.
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Clues from a longtime reader (I hope J.D. posts this comment!) –
I think there’s a girl…
look back at a recent post… (you’ll need to click on a link)
her goal to raise a family one day!
Anyone else clue in on this as well?
(of course, I am just speculating. But it popped in my head and now I think I’m on to something!) FUN!
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There is no “girl” or woman.
However, I’ve recently realized that if I ever have another long-term relationship (and I hope I will), there’s a possibility that I’ll have children. With Kris, this was never going to happen because she didn’t want kids. I kind of do, even now. It’s not an imperative, but it’s something I’d enjoy, I think.
So, the odds of me having children have gone from 0% to something more than that. And I find that interesting.
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Interesting JD. So, you’ve always wanted children, at least to some degree? I always assumed (maybe I read too much into things) that you and Kris both did not want children. If that’s not the case, I’m surprised you made it as long as you did. Even if you were never 100% on having kids, being with somebody that is 100% on not having kids seems like it would be very difficult.
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Now you can foster kittens.
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i’m not trying to speak to j.d.’s situation, but generally speaking i don’t see that difference as that significant. i mean, it could be significant if your opinions on the matter are wildly divergent. but, on the other hand if the difference is between “100% no” and “huh, could be fun, but i don’t much care” – that doesn’t seem problematic. after all, marriage is all about compromise (here i am about to be a parent, having been in the “no way, no how” camp until i met my wife – and it’s not under duress, it was a purposeful decision i made about the direction i wanted to take my life with her opinions on the subject in mind).
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Like Kris, I’ve never wanted children and knew it at a very early age. (When my father wondered aloud one time why there were no grandchildren, my mother reminded him that I’d been saying “no raising kids for me” since I was 10.)I married a man who seemed ok with that idea, but turns out he really did want children. This is one of the few deal-breaker issues in a marraige that can’t be worked out with compromise. You either have children or you don’t.
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I agree with Deborah , either you do or you don’t want kids. For me its one of those “first date questions” to get the issue out of the way so that there are no unrealistic long-term expectations. I waver between NO to a very sheepish “I don’t know” – which probably means no in the long run.
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When I hear “I don’t know” from a woman, I understand that to mean, “yes”. =)
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So true, if you feel strongly about kids, there is no compromise.
Which is why when I was single, I got an answer to the kids / no kids question on the first date.
Personally, it’s so not fair for someone to change their mind AFTER they married someone who doesn’t want them.
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It may not be ‘fair’, but is it reasonable to expect that your partner will never change their mind about anything over the course of your relationship?
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Of course not, that’s silly.
But some things – like, for example “I want a open marriage” or “I decided I want to have kids” are either 0% or 100% decisions.
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My husband’s first marriage centered on not having kids.
They divorced.
I married him a year later and we had two kids in three years. That was his limit:)
She went on to marry and adopt two kids.
On the topic- kids are as expensive as you decide. They don’t need much- but you can give them the world. Most of our great Americans were poor or “disabled” at one point of their lives.
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I’m definitely feeling the “kid free” movement right now. Those prices are simply outrageous. My cat costs $25.00 a month (at most) and it’s all the nurturing I need to give.
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Wait until the old-age vet bills start rolling in.
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My dog costs about $600 a month; excluding the $5,000 spent on emergency care last year. Also excluding any boarding costs if I travel without him.
*Dogwalker
*Special diet due to chronic illness
*Frequent vet visits
*Continuing education
Wishing I bought pet insurance when I adopted him!
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How much you spend can vary a lot, but I will say that definitely the cost goes UP as the child grows. Babies don’t need that much. They don’t need a fancy crib (they can sleep pretty much anywhere), they don’t need a lot of different toys and gizmos, they can eat breast milk and regular grownup food that’s been mashed up, they can wear hand-me-down clothes (because baby clothes only fit for a few weeks or months and then are ready to be passed on) and cloth diapers. You can skip many of the things you’re marketed for a baby and be perfectly fine.
Older kids eat more and wear out their clothes; far more significantly, they want to take gymnastics and music lessons and go to day camps during the summer. Maybe they wear glasses or get a lot of cavities. That’s the stuff that really costs. Obviously, some of those expenditures are optional, but if you have enough money available to pay for those amenities and educational experiences, it is hard to refuse and decide to save it instead; there’s the feeling of intentionally depriving your child. And I say this as someone whose child almost never asks for “stuff”– even if you’ve managed to raise a non-materialistic child, they can still be expensive at school age. My own experience was that I was surprised at how cheap babies could be, and then later surprised that one might be expected to shell out $300 for a week of science camp.
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I agree with you there — the cost really varies! I don’t have kids myself, but I’ve noticed a big variation among my friends. Some want the latest and greatest things for their kids — all new — while others happily receive hand-me-downs and items on loan. Some people have large groups of friends and families to throw them showers, while others have smaller, close knit social circles willing to give away things other people would sell.
One thing I have noticed is that kids don’t seem any happier with new stuff than with used
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Agreed, you really don’t have to spend that much on stuff if you don’t want to. It’s experiences that are hard to scrimp on, in our current culture where experiences tend to be organized and sold commercially…
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I agree with you on the packaging and selling of experiences. These days it seems like you’re doing a disservice to your kids if you aren’t taking them around the world or putting them in as many activities as possible. I’m not saying those are bad things, but it seems like society has set the bar really high these days.
Some of my favourite memories are experiences that didn’t cost a lot — like my mom teaching us to bake or my dad taking us swimming. I know they’re just itching to do things with their grandchildren as soon as they’re old enough
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I live in Brooklyn, NY. Our daycare costs almost $1700/mo per child for 8am to 6pm care. And that means that you get to be at work for the bare minimum of any regular job–9ish to 5ish. Also, if you plan on ever going out, the rate for a sitter is $12-15/hour for anyone who knows how to change a diaper and isn’t a felon. Plus the extra seat on the plane. Going to a family event in Chicago is twice as expensive as it used to be now that we have two kids who need their own seats.
Clothing/toys is really negligible, since there are so many used options, but childcare is really expensive! This is why many women quit their jobs–paying for daycare often takes their entire takehome pay or close to it, especially for more than one kid. And kids don’t start school until kindergarten (pre-k is not guarenteed), so you’re looking at 5 years of childcare per child. Lotsa money!
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I can agree on the ridiculous cost of daycare. That’s why it was actually better for us financially that my wife does stay at home with our daughter. Once you add day care, the cost of an extra car, insurance, we actually paid for her to work. That and she enjoys it and are 3 year old daughter is actually learning much more and already begining to read learning from my wife than in a daycare.
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The easily quantifiable costs are relatively easy, but highly variable situation to situation.
For instance, our daycare costs are lower than most because my mother-in-law watches our kids.
Another variable is whether your school district has half-day or all-day kindergarten. Our older two kids had half-day, while our youngest will have full-day as our school district is moving to full-day this fall.
Besides all the obvious costs, I know that my wife and I spend more on vehicles (and by extension gas) than we would without kids. I wouldn’t be driving a gas guzzling minivan on my 30 minute each way commute if we didn’t have kids.
Heck, I might live close enough to bike to work if we didn’t have kids and wanted to live really close to my in-laws for the babysitting help! Others might have a more expensive house because they want to be in a really good school district. Most people have a larger house than they would without kids.
Food, clothes, activities, and daycare are the easy things to figure out. It’s the other things that can get tricky.
Either way, kids cost a lot of money.
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Our little boy is turning 1 in a couple weeks, and I’m in the middle of writing a series of posts about the first year costs. They really add up, but there are ways to soften the blow.
Formula: http://thefamilyfinances.com/2012/03/07/the-costs-of-raising-baby-formula-2/
Diapers: http://thefamilyfinances.com/2012/03/14/the-costs-of-raising-baby-diapers/
Clothes: http://thefamilyfinances.com/2012/03/21/the-costs-of-raising-baby-clothes/
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$615/week on daycare for 2 kids
$500/month for 529 plans (financial advisor recommends more)
$100/month extra for family medical insurance
$40/month diapers, wipes, Boudreaux’s Butt Paste
Food, classmates’ birthday gifts, teacher holiday gifts….
Quite a change from being DINKs.
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Really? The financial adviser recommends more than $500/mo/kid? My BOE calculations said that starting at birth $500/month would be good if we didn’t expect any financial aid at a private school (and it is too much for many publics). It doesn’t quite make the full projected tuition at a private school, but there’s the chance DC will get merit scholarships, we’ll be living in a state with a good flagship, etc. I don’t mind having excess money in the first 529, since transferring to kid #2 should be easy, but I’m not sure that I want to either take a penalty or finance a distant relative’s education with excess. (Also have no desire for more formal education myself.)
Oh wait, that’s $500 for the two kids, not per kid. Ignore me.
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I agree that $500 or more is a lot. But I don’t know if its necessarily “too much”. College costs have been going up around 8% a year for a while recently. The financial planner may have been planning out the possibility of education costs going up in the future at the same pace. Today 4 years at a public school is likely to run $100,000 total. If that goes up 8% annually then 18 years from now the bill will be around $370k. Saving $6k a year with 8% growh will get you $224k total.
I don’t think its likely education will continue go go up in cost that much for the next two decades, but maybe thats what the ad visor was planning for.
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I think $500 (even for both kids) is too high. That’s about $54k per kid WITHOUT compounding interest. And you don’t know that one or both won’t get some kind of scholarship. They should pay for some of the expenses too by working while in school. And you will likely be able to cash flow some.
I would lower your contributions to the 529 and make sure that you are maxing out your ROTH. Because you can withdraw your ROTH contributions to help fund their college tax and penalty free at any time. If they don’t need it then it will just roll for your retirement.
If your fully funding all your retirement AND doing the $500 per month in the 529 then by all means go for it.
Remember that your retirement ALWAYS comes first THEN your kids college.
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I second the maxing out the Roth first suggestion if you are not already doing that. It provides flexibility in case you need the money. That’s what we are doing. I intend for my son to help pay for his college education to build character. I think kids learn and appreciate hard work that way.
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I agree on funding IRAs and maxing out any matches on 401ks first.
BUT, 54k doesn’t buy you a whole lot *right now* — good to great public universities are coming in 20-25k per year with room and board. Making up a spare 50k isn’t something you do with a work-study job. Many “name” (and many not at all well known) colleges are way past 50k per year with room and board right now.
Worst case you save a lot, your kid gets a great merit scholarship because they’ve done so well…and they can use the money for med school or some other graduate training. Or you save more for the first one now and then adjust accordingly when the second one is closer to college age because you can roll over the “leftovers” to child #2.
All that said, we’ve definitely made cost part of the choosing a college decision. Child knows what saved money will cover — and what it won’t and is working hard to make sure he gets out debt free.
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All of this assumes your child actually wants to go to college.
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I have a 16 month old that I budget $100 a month for as far as diapers, clothing, and incidentals. I’m a stay at home mom now, but previously when I was working, his daycare was $500 a month. I recommend calling around and seeing if you can find someone who does care from their home, just a few kids. It’s typically cheaper than a daycare facility and from what I’ve found, better care. I’d also recommend a new car seat, just for the safety features/requirements. But other than that, most everything can be used – clothes, crib, books, toys. Even though I only budget $100 a month, it’s usually less than that now, with the bulk of it being diapers. Check out diapers.com for some good diaper deals (not so much on other stuff).
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Unlicensed at-home daycare can be a recipe for disaster unless you’re very very careful.
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By law, at least in my state (CA), all daycare providers have to be licensed. And there are many LICENSED home daycare providers in my area. In fact I didn’t run into any home daycare providers who were not licensed.
Home daycare costs about half as much as the large daycare facilities. And my interviews of home daycare providers versus the larger facilities showed me that home daycare providers provide the more personalized care (better in my book) that I was looking for, and don’t nickel and dime you for everything.
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Well, it sounds like you were careful, which is what I was talking about.
However, just because the law says all daycare providers must be licensed doesn’t mean that they all are. There are lots of people picking up money on the side by having groups of children stay in their homes while parents work. These informal arrangements are usually the ones that end up on the evening news for unfortunate reasons.
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I can only speak to the cost of animals (specifically: 4 horses, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a bunch of chickens/ducks), but as essential dependents who require the basic necessities of food/shelter/water/love – they are freaking expensive.
Similar to children (I would imagine), they cost a lot to feed (but at least it’s a fairly consistent $-amount each month), their anticipated medical care (vaccinations) costs a lot, their emergency medical care when one gets sick (or breaks his tail) costs a small-fortune, and making sure their barn/habitat is kept up is also expensive.
Bottom line, I think it’s a crapshoot. You could end up with a baby/child that’s perfectly happy, healthy and wise, or you could end up with a baby/child who has special needs, requires more attention/money than another.
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This suggests an “Ask the Readers” column about the cost of pets. Has this
already been done? If not, it would likely be popular, interesting, and controversial.
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Our daughter is 4 months old. I was really worried about paying for everything that comes with a new baby while I was pregnant, but now, I see that she doesn’t cost much at all. We pay $15/day for a home daycare. She is breastfed, so no formula cost (saves $1000-$4000/year plus breastfed babies rarely get sick, so no co-pays!). She just started eating food, but we don’t buy baby food. I just puree whatever fruits and vegetables we already have in the house. I started buying diapers on sale from the day I found out I was pregnant. If you buy them on sale and use coupons, I would say it costs about $25/month for diapers and wipes. We buy all of her clothing and baby items on clearance or second hand (other than car seats and cribs). And adding her to our health insurance was about $80/month. She costs less than $500/month. Kids are as expensive as you make them.
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We’ll check back w/you in 5-10 years, lol!
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My breastfed baby (2 years of it!) was frequently sick, so I’m wouldn’t assume not to budget for medical costs on that basis. And breastfeeding added to my food costs, lactation consultant fees when there were supply concerns, renting a hospital grade breast pump (to increase supply), pads etc.
I’m all for breastfeeding, but it’s not without costs (despite what advocates often argue). For me, I would say breastfeeding probably only saved minimally over formula in direct costs. (That said, I still highly recommend it for the health benefits).
The biggest cost of children, in my experience is lost income from staying home or daycare (1000/mo is the min. in our area–even for home daycares for preschool-aged children), medical costs (birth plus ongoing co-pays, insurance, braces,etc.)and choice of place to live based on school districts etc.
Those are the places that feel like there’s a lot less room for “lifestyle choice” than buying toys, clothes etc.
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I also recommend breastfeeding for the hormonal reaction – it releases oxytocin, helping you bond with your baby and decreasing baby blues, also it causes the uterus to contract. But it is not easy, I think I had every nurse who entered my room observe and advise, plus my doula, the hospital’s lactation consultant, my mom, my sister, a private lactation consultant. I probably had a dozen different people looking at my boobs and putting their hands on trying to get my baby’s latch right, but the most helpful was the private lactation consultant, who identified that my baby had an upper lip tie. Not even the pediatrician had noticed that. The best advice I can give a new mom who wants to breastfeed is to expect that it will be difficult, and it will be painful at first, maybe for the first few weeks even. But it gets better, and lanolin helps, and ASK FOR HELP! Also there are a lot of youtube videos which can show women getting a good latch. Those were more helpful for me than the pictures in brochures because a real baby is not going to hold still while you get everything just right.
There were days when I went on strike — I pumped and bottle fed her, or my husband bottle fed her. I just needed to take a break because it was stressing me out and my boobs needed a rest. They say the baby will get nipple confusion if you bottle feed them but whatever! I needed a break, and it’s no reason to give up. It would have been a last resort, but I might have given her formula at those points, but it doesn’t mean you have to give up altogether if you really want to eventually be exclusively breastfeeding.
Also your milk doesn’t come in right away. I kept my baby on my boob almost all the time for the first day or two until my milk came in. It made sure she got enough colostrum and it made the milk come in faster. She hardly lost any weight after birth (they all do).
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Nipple confusion can be avoided if you introduce the bottle within a certain window. After 3 weeks will prevent nipple confusion. Before 4-5 weeks will prevent the baby from refusing the bottle.
Tips on working and nursing: http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/reverse-cycling-and-being-a-nursing-working-mom/
Tips on supply issues:
http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/breastmilk-supply/
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Thank you, tamarind, for noting that breastfeeding is NOT free. For more detailed consequences of breastfeeding, see: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/
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My husband and I just had our first child — she is now 6 months old — so I’m not sure how objective I can be on this subject since it is still so new!! We were lucky enough to have very few “start-up” costs — we were gifted our crib, carseat, many clothes, toys, etc.
I would say we now spend about $60 a month on diapers, and let’s say $50 on other variable costs. The big one is $1200 a month on child care — I just went back to work.
Of course the costs will increase as she starts to be able to “do” more — but we will embrace those costs. My husband and I always knew we wanted to start a family so we don’t complain about the money. Every day we wonder how we filled the hours of our day before she was born! To anyone contemplating having a child — do it! It has enriched our lives so much — the exhaustion and money is a small price to pay.
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“To anyone contemplating having a child — do it! It has enriched our lives so much — the exhaustion and money is a small price to pay.”
For the love of god, please only have children if you are 100% sure you’re ready and you WANT to make the sacrifices required to be a parent. Don’t just “do it.” It’s not something you can take back to the store.
I’m honestly not responding to be a Negative Nelly… I’m very happy for every parent that finds joy in it. It’s just that so many people say “just do it” when it comes to kids without really communicating the difficulties of being a parent. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly.
For the record, I am childfree, but contemplating.
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Agreed. This is the rationale used by every naive teenager who thinks that having a baby is the perfect solution to life’s problems.
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Agreed 2. I’ve wondered how different it’d be, if having children was planned with a fraction of the thought that goes into some weddings.
A friend who didn’t want children got married for all the wrong reasons to a guy who did. They had two, but the husband wanted only the status of parenthood while the wife did all the hard work involved.
The marriage eventually failed, with mom having the children because dad was too dissolute for it. To complicate matters, one child was totally blind to her father’s flaws while equally only too aware of what she perceived as her mother’s.
FTR, I’m also childfree and staying that way. I also would not wish my friend’s situation on anyone.
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We had our baby girl last year and for the most part expenses have been minimal. We started a baby fund when we found out we were expecting to cover baby expenses and to smooth out our cash flow for the first months.
Diapers are about $25/month using Amazon Mom and buying a big box. Clothes are minimal, first grandbaby means she’s received gifts and we also gratefully accepted friends’ hand me downs (most were in great condition).
Food is cheap – breastfeeding and basby food right now. Many times we just puree a bit of what we’re eating for her.
I work from home, so childcare isn’t on our expenses. We get more of her seasonal and short term baby gear from a nice consignment store in the area.
I’d estimate that baby stuff is about $50/month. The first few months were higher since we had to grab some items we didn’t receive on the baby registry.
The biggest change since having our baby is health insurance premiums went up. We’re now on the family plan instead of a couple, so it’s about $200 extra a month. On the plus side, if we have another child the premiums would about stay the same.
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Ditto that note on coverage, where we live the jump from spousal coverage to a family plan seems to be at least $500 per month if you are paying for it yourself.
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Don’t forget to add on $100 – $500 to fund a baby’s 529 college fund (depending on what you can budget), but it should be something.
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Two words: community college!
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Assuming your child doesn’t grow up to want a professional degree. I’m not knocking community colleges, but you can’t qualify for everything through them.
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I went to community college for as many classes as I could before finishing at a 4 yr college, saved lots of money. It didn’t prevent me from getting a BS or an MS.
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Kid #1 – I didn’t spend much because I didn’t have a lot
Kid #2 – I didn’t / don’t spend much because I was / am saving a lot
In terms of actual cash, I’d estimate that my 11 y.o. runs around $300-$500/month all in (groceries, presents, clothes, chore pay, books, entertainment, sports fees…) but not counting travel or summer camp when we go that route.
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Initial expenses aside, for our 6 month old. We’re spending about $60 in diapers each month and maybe $40 in clothes. There’s nobody ahead of her to inherit clothes from and I’m trying to warm my wife up to the idea of buying second-hand clothing. My mother in law watches her during the day so that saves a ton of money. We still give her $250 a month though since she’s saving us a TON of money and peace of mind. She tried to refuse at first but we made her take it. It can be hard to resist toys and things that we think that she’ll like but that’s hard to add up and not really necessary. She’s just started solid foods and it’s not very expensive yet. Maybe another $30 a month but soon we’ll start making and blending it ourselves to help with that too.
So right now, the total is about $130 per month, $280 if we include giving the mother in law money.
I should mention that we will soon start saving up for her college at the tune of abour $300 per month. My money could be off but this was what would be necessary for her to have a 4 year education at a cheaper school. Also, she’ll start day care when she’s 2 and prices for that are ranging from $600-$1100 per month.
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We live in southern Ohio and have a 3 year old and one on the way. We both work full time. Our experience is-
DAYCARE, DAYCARE, DAYCARE!!!!
0-3 We paid $8,500 for a babysitter to care for our son in her home. At 3 it was time to send him to full time preschool (much more stimulating). It costs $12,000 per year. I expect this to roll right into tuition for school which will be less at private K-8 for us, but about the same for high school and more for college. To me this is an ongoing expense.
Diapers- from 0-2 ran about $1-$2 per day. More when their tiny because you have to change more. I shopped deals and used coupons. Amazon for diapers is a great deal. We found generics to be a waste because they had to be changed more and often didn’t hold at night. From 2-3 we have still had to use 1 diaper at night which costs about $0.21.
Clothing runs us about $50 per season plus shoes so I’d say we spend about $150 per year.It was much cheaper as we did second hand “mommy swap” clothing for an infant, but found it doesn’t work well for toddlers. So now I shop online sales and end of season and have them shipped free.
Food- Very little cost. I breastfed, and the most expensive thing was the pump @ $300 for a new pump. You can go used, just buy new parts and only use the used moter. But be careful if the pump is old and overworked it won’t do the job well. And you’ll be in your office all day trying to achieve 8oz for the next day.I nursed for 13 months. I mostly made my own baby food. The babyfood stage doesn’t last long and it takes an hour of prep time to whip up a bunch of purees for your freezer.For the last 2.5 years he’s eaten whatever we eat.
Toys and equipment- you don’t need to buy toys. You’ll get most as gifts and they don’t play with much anyway. Mine has plenty of toys and he still happier with an empty box, a stick or a patch of dirt. Baby equipment is so over marketed it’s crazy. You really only need a crib, a bouncy seat, one or two good carseats and a stroller. The stroller and the bouncy seat you can find used easy.As they move to toddlerhood you’ll probably need a booster seat for at the table and some kind of potty seat.
Medical expenses- this varies so much by child and by insurance that I think it’s difficult to estimate. My pregnancy was expensive, but since he’s only had two sick appointments. (thank you breastfeeding) Most plans cover well child visits 100% (and will have to under health care reform) so if you have an easy pregnancy, easy delivery and well child these costs can be minimal. But for planning purposes I would just estimate whatever the full amount of your deductible is and cheer when it’s less!
Activities- this varies. Some people do “baby” classes and such. If you work you won’t have time. I’ve noticed now that little buddy is three we spend about $200 a year on sports, museum trips etc for him. I think this would be A LOT more if I stayed home, but then I wouldn’t have daycare costs.If you don’t have family to pitch in, plan for at least $50 a month for babysitting for one date night.This could be avoided if you “traded” with another couple with kids.
I too think that children get a lot more expensive as they age. Starting at about 8. They want more things, they eat more, they need more clothes, more activities, take up more space etc. You find yourself needing the bigger house in the better school district which costs more. Then they need tuition and transportation and allowance etc.
All this being said, if you really have always wanted a family with children, you will NEVER, NEVER think about the money.You just budget and do it.
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I can’t fathom spending as much as some of you spend per month on a child. It just sounds absolutely absurd. Everything is so volatile with our economy right now, I can’t imagine thinking it a fine time to bring a new life into the world — either for the child or for your pocketbook. I know the saying goes something like, “you’ll never be financially ready for a kid, so you just have to go for it” (that’s the sentiment, at least), but now is a particularly bad time especially if you’re reliant on someone else’s whim for a paycheck. Your $10k emergency fund is going to feel like a handful of pennies if you lose your job and you’ve got a child to support.
I think we’re entering a strange new era and I’m not particularly confident in the footing yet. It’s not the 50s anymore, nor is it the 90s. We can’t keep thinking the old ways still hold up in today’s environment. Just because you’re physically capable of having a child and other people are doing it, that doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for you. Stop thinking of yourself for a minute and think of your future child. What opportunities will he or she have in our society? I think things look pretty grim for the youth right now, sadly. I hope that turns around soon.
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It’s easier when you make a large salary and have a big emergency fund set up. Life isn’t too bad if you’re a member of the 5%. I bet it’s even better for the 1%ers… all those 99%ers you can hire for cheap.
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I agree. We over think the costs in the US. We are the one percent. Look around the world, we do not need all these things to raise a happy and healthy child. If you want kids or have kids think about how lucky you are to be able to provide the basics. Those basics are better what most of the children of the world have.
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FWIW, not every mother who plans to breastfeed finds that she is able to.
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A child won’t have any opportunities in our society if he or she does not exist. The world is a scary place, indeed, but if you’re cowering in the corner and waiting for it to get better before you have kids, you’ll never have them. Don’t make hopeful parents sound so selfish for wanting to have a family.
Instead, how about having kids and teaching them to be contributing members of our society who try to make the world a better place? That’s a good way to “stop thinking about yourself.”
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Matt, by all means, have as many children as you like. We definitely have the resources to support them.
Regardless of what your personal opinion is, the reality is that a poor economy is going to persuade fewer people to have children. Fewer children means fewer tax payers to support an aging population. Just look at Japan; awful recession in the early 90s, declining birth rates. Negative population growth is not good for an economy that continuously needs more money pumped into it to survive.
So maybe you aren’t going “cower in a corner” but many people will. We live in a society. We all need to take care of each other or it just simply won’t function. This isn’t about “I have enough money to live comfortably for my retirement years” — if you have to step over a thousand beggars just to get to the grocery store, that’s not going to be a happy retirement (hyperbole, I know).
Oh well, I guess.
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If fewer people are having children, that means it’s better to have a child (all things equal). Smaller cohorts mean more labor demand and higher salaries for people born during a baby bust. So now is the time to be reproducing!
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Lube up the shotgun and run for the hills! It’s scary out there! Can we get a survival post here? Maybe how to feed yourself and the missus for a week on one squirrel and/or chipmunk? This is no time for reproduction with all those bad mean people out there. The sheer selfishness of some people, bringing lives into the world that might not live at the extremely high materialistic level we’ve become accustomed to the last 40+ years. Shame on all the indulgent fools during the Great Depression, WWI, WWII, other wars, the Red Scare, all much scarier times than now, who decided to selfishly propagate despite uncertain futures. Their miserable wretch offspring surely got their comeuppance, what with living in houses (with A/C!), driving motorized vehicles (often enclosed), and screens displaying flickering images (from B&W to in your hand). I have plenty of time to think about those days wistfully as I fight for survival and huddle here with my brood and 300 fellow squatters in this burned out abandoned Apple Store under what says it was once a “Genuis Bar”, fighting off invaders from the nearby Abercrombie camp trying to swipe our dwindling supply of potted meats and YouTube videos.
If you don’t want to respond to the question, fine, but please spare us your lecture, which is irrelevant to the issue posed. And yes I have a 16 month old, who doesn’t cost much now, which is why I’m aggresively saving for her future.
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Thanks for the laugh, Wilson!
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Japan’s lower birth rate is not because of their economic problems. Their birthrate has been relatively flat for around 20 years. Their birth rate started plummeting in the 70′s when their economy started booming. Besides that Japans fertility rate (births/woman) is not really unusually low, its pretty closet to many European nations. Germany is 1.41 and Japan is 1.39. Germany’s economy is quite strong. Japan however has an aging population and very low immigration.
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Nicole, I have to disagree that it is always better financially to be born during a baby bust. Two words: Gen X.
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@Jadzia– there’s a reasonably sized literature that disagrees with you. The counterfactual isn’t: “What would gen X’s life have been without the recession” it’s “Would gen X be worse off during the recession if they’d been born during a baby boom”… and technically only some of Gen X is baby bust, some of it is also baby boomlet. I’m part of the Gen X baby bust and most of my high school and college friends made good before the recession happened. It’s the boomlet part that had to live with their parents after college. The majority of that is business cycles, but some of that is cohort size.
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What a gloomy way to look at things! I had my children when I was happily married and the economy was doing just fine. Fast forward to today: I’m a single mom and the economy is in the pits. You can’t predict the future, but if you assume the worst, you’ll be paralyzed.
One thing to consider is your support system. If you have a fantastic network of friends and family who will assist and support you if things get tough (as I do), then you can feel a little more confident about having children even if your financial situation isn’t perfect.
People made fun of Hilary Clinton for saying “It takes a village to raise a child.” But if the village has your back, raising a child is so much easier!
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Not wveryone is having a bad time with the economy. My kids are doing fine. My daughter is at home while her husband works. My son and daughter in law are planning the same thing in a few years.
From a grandparent POV. I would say that we contributed $200 a month for the first year. Crib, car seats (cannot buy those used), stroller, clothes. Those early years were tight while my son in law served his country. Now we put away for education. I was put through college by my grandparents. My son and daughter had money from their grandparents. We hope to continue the generosity.
Just as you lament the future, we are excited for it. It is a wonderful world and we hope our grandchild will be willing and able to contribute to it in the future.
Keep in mind that the most important thing to a child is the love from their parent(s).You might not see that now, but in the long run it proves out. Borrow clothes, cribs and toys. Get a library card. Coupon for diapers and , most of all, love your child!
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The world has always had such doom and gloom. In the 60s, it was the Cuban Missile Crisis. In the 80s, people were still worried about the Cold War and enviromental diasters. Ten years ago, it was terrorists and the changing world with crazy people killing as many as they could for an impact. Interestingly, the birth rate is in decline here with those who make MORE money, rather than less.
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You are absolutely correct–more people should be thinking like this. Besides, the world is far too crowded and many people who have kids aren’t financially, intellectually or emotionally prepared to do so.
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Dink, I understand your sentiment, but I think part of the point of this post is to help people determine whether or not they are financially ready for a child. Some of us are financially ready for a child, and we have the extra money that it would take. It’s also helpful to those of us facing future financial choices for our children to read the experiences of others. For example, some of these folks are spending $1200 a month on daycare, but some of them aren’t. What choices – or sacrifices – did they make that allowed them to save on that expense? You can find it in these comments.
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I dunno — your nursing home or home health care agency is going to be very hard to staff if everyone takes your advice!
Do agree with all the people who are saying don’t have kids just because you think you should. Plan for it, think about it, and make a decision to do it (or not).
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Assuming you’re in the U.S., what kind of health benefits do you have? Check your maternity coverage, as well as what coverage you will have if your child is born prematurely or with any kind of health problem. Look into how much it will cost per month to add a child to your policy and think about how you will set aside enough to cover your entire deductible if you have to. Even ordinary medical bills can add up, from recurring ear infections to a broken arm to dental visits and eyeglasses. (Life insurance is also a good idea, just in case.) You can be creative and find ways to save with food, clothes, childcare, transportation, housing, etc. It’s not as easy to creatively save your way out of an unexpected $10,000 hospital bill.
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Our son is 12 now. While we no longer pay for Montessori pre-school, we do pay for his education in many ways. For instance, two weekly music lessons; participation in theater groups, bands, and choirs; camps; sports; and public school fees add up to $3000-$4000 a year.
But we save money in other ways. We live within walking distance to his school, we don’t own a car, and we use the library a lot. For us, it’s really important to value his education, make sure he has healthy food available, and that we have a lot of time together as a family. We love to travel, and he’s already lived in two countries and visited many others.
At the end of the day, I think it’s about priorities. We’re hands-on parents, but we have also really worked to create the kind of life that we want as a family.
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I totally agree with Eve’s comment – babies can be super-cheap. It’s as they get older that things begin to cost more than you would think. You might not mind buying that first car seat, but (depending on where you live) you may be surprised that you still are buying booster seats many years later.
At the same time, a lot of those costs later on are going to depend on your parenting style and choices. Not things like glasses and health coverage, obviously, but those extra classes and camps and cool clothes and videogames and the big mini-van and so on.
Also, if you are on a budget, it helps to teach kids about money management as early as possible so they can help make the choices with you, so they don’t ever feel denied — but that’s a whole different subject.
For us, personally, the main “cost” was a smaller household income, as the time you spend with your kid(s) is time you aren’t working. (Whether you work part-time or not at all, or you still work full-time but now can’t put in extra hours — it’s all time you could have spent earning more money. But worth it.)
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such variation in this expense! For My babies, I spent very little. I had a barely used infant car seat from my sister along with all necessary clothes, I wore my babies in a sling and never really used a stroller or a crib or other expensive baby gear (much of which can be borrowed quite easily). Cloth diapers saved a lot of money and I nursed exclusively until I moved them to table food (I made baby food for a very short period). No day care cost because I stayed home. We had great medical insurance so medical costs were neglibable. As they got older, I purchased high quality toys and clothes at yard sales. That worked up until they were about 8 to 10. Now they cost more: private school tuition, new clothes because I can’t find nice stylish clothes used anymore. Activities such as dance and music lessons, after school programs, presents for birthdays, etc. Must be around $1200 a month. Much of that is tuition, though. Trying to save money for college, really you should budget in quite a bit for that from day 1. Small children really need very, very little to be very, very happy. Big children need more, not all that much more sometimes, but still I would say save the baby money you want to spend for later. Your kids will thank you for it when you forgo fancy baby frills and instead have the money for them to pursue their dreams later on.
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Wow, I have no idea a dollar amount. It depends on the lifestyle you lead, where you live, whether you have good health insurance, etc…
I am married with five children ages nine and under. We live comfortably on just under $90k per year, we have no non-mortgage debt, and we are able to save for retirement. We have no childcare costs, but there is an opportunity cost with me quitting my engineering job to stay home (a decision well worth the cost, for me). I breastfed all the kids and never had to buy formula. Babies have the initial costs of crib/stroller/clothing/etc, but many can be obtained secondhand for little or no money. Diapers cost a lot. Children do get more expensive as they get older. Their clothes and shoes cost more, they eat more, they like to participate in activities. Even public school is not without costs for fundraisers. We have 529s set up for each child to save for college, but those are mostly funded by gifts from family at Christmas and birthdays, and we haven’t been able to regularly contribute to them ourselves in awhile. My hope is that I will be back to work by the time the first enters college and we can help pay some of the tuition costs out of my income.
I do want to point out that the marginal cost for each additional child is not as much as those initial costs. We re-use everything, kids share rooms, and we already bought the minivan after the first child!
One additional expense with children is good life insurance- a must!
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When I had my kids, I thought the expense would go down as they got older. Ha! Instead of paying for diapers and daycare, I’m paying for LOTS of food, clothes they outgrow so fast I can’t believe it, dance lessons, and lots of miscellaneous expenses (I need $10 for this school trip, etc.). The good news is there are many ways to control these expenses. Instead of buying them school lunches, which were costing almost $5 each per day for my sons, we started sending them to school with packed lunches. More nutritious than the junk they serve at school anyway, and less than half the cost. I buy as many of our clothes as I can used, or wait for big sales. My daughter takes dance lessons, but we send her to the cheaper city run dance school–about half the cost of the other dance schools in town. (Unless they’re going to make a career out of dance, it really doesn’t matter much!) I don’t provide my kids with cell phones, laptops or any other gadget they want. My oldest has a job and he buys his own video games, etc. as well as saving for college. We don’t make a lot of money but we are careful and we have a pretty good life. I think the toughest part is knowing I won’t be able to help them out with college much. I’ll do what I can, but it won’t be as much as I’d like. And teenage boys never stop eating.
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We have 2 teenage sons, 14 and 16. They spend one week with us, one week with their dad, etc., so I have a fairly clear picture of the difference in grocery cost, at least. Weeks they are here run about $200 in groceries, weeks they’re not run about $150.
Childcare was a while ago, but yes, it was expensive, even for part time after-school afternoons. Summer was worse because it was full-day. Now they go to a two week sleep-away camp in the summer (and hang out at home the rest). That runs about $850 each. Also: orchestra camp, 1 week, about $300.
Lessons & classes: viola $50 a week, aikido $90 a month
School trips: variable, of course, but our viola player has both jazz band and orchestra trips. Big one last year to Vienna – $2500. Domestic ones more like $300-500.
On the plus side: they cut the lawn! And clear snow! And unload groceries! (We personally don’t require a lot of chores from ours, but don’t forget that even quite early on, kids can start contributing work to the family unit.)
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One significant kid-related cost I’ve seen mentioned in a few comments is about the need to have larger vehicles to accommodate kids. My wife is pregnant with our first right now and is due in October. We’ve been discussing whether we’re going to need to buy a bigger car in the next year or so. Right now we have ’01 and ’05 Honda Civics (both paid off and still running decently). From talking with friends and family who have kids, quite a few have sort of laughed at us when we told them that we weren’t planning on buying a bigger car. They basically said that a kid needs more stuff than you think. I’m sure that’s true, but still, wouldn’t a plain old Civic be enough to accommodate 2 adults and 1 kid? (When/if we have a second kid, that’s a different story.)
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Steve,
Don’t let the “Jonses’” influence you. When our first was born we had a VW Jetta and a Mazda Protege. Both small four door sedans. Both with over 100k miles. It’s not EASY, but it’s totally possible. You’ll really have to shop for car seats that fit. Especially since they have to be rear facing for 2 years or more. But you or your wife are not super tall, it can be done. Just put the seat in the middle and go! It’s tight but it can work. Especially if your alternative is to go into debt to buy another car.
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agreed, you don’t need a bigger car. I have friends who kept their mini — true, the smaller the car, the more of a challenge it is to find a car seat that will fit while it faces backwards, but it’s still totally doable. Just take your car with you when picking out seats/strollers, to make sure they fit.
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Thank you both for the feedback. My wife and I really did think our Civics would work, but at the same time, we wanted to be prepared for the possibility that they wouldn’t.
I didn’t realize that certain car seats may not fit. We’ll be sure to check that out when it comes time to buy it. I’m learning something new every day about this baby business:) Thanks again!
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No problem! It’s a good question. Just remember, the people that say you need these things are the same people that say you need a Bumbo, and a jumperoo, and swing and exersaucer etc. Or a Diaper Jeanie-gag (string of diaper pearls anyone). You don’t need any of that crap. (and if you don’t know what I’m talking about just wait until you go register for your wife’s baby shower and the stupid store gives you this gigantic list of the stuff you “NEED”) Often when I’m weighing a purchase I ask myself, “how did my parents do it, and how did my grandparents do it, what is different about today?”
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The car problem is not with the first baby; it’s with the third kid and sometimes even the second kid.
I have twins, no other kids, and it was difficult to find two convertible carseats that would fit in the back of my 4-passenger PT Cruiser. But now we don’t travel with so much baby gear as we did in the first 6-12 months, so it’s less cramped than at first. But if we had a third child, with all kids in booster seats or carseats, we would have to buy another car. We have a garage that was built in the 1920s, when cars were shorter, and there are no more than 8 models on the US market that have a third row option and could fit in our the garage.
I would strongly advise against adding extra fixed expenses, like a car payment, before the first baby arrives. You could run into unexpected delivery bills (I received a lovely $2000 bill for anesthesia for my unscheduled C-section).
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I agree, it’s not the first that’s the issue – first our some-kind-of-Mitsubishi sedan and then our Volkswagen Passat wagon were both perfect until #3 and we’re still trying to figure that one out. With the first, though, even if you’re tall you can fit a carseat easily in the middle position of the backseat because it can jut between the two front seats. My 6’4″ husband didn’t start having trouble getting his knees under the steering wheel until #2 was two and a half and her legs started getting long.
There are some narrow seats out there for going 2-3 across in a sedan, too – the Sunshine Radian seat is a great convertible seat, and I’ve been eyeing an Ooki booster seat for my oldest. Crazy expensive booster (around $300, I think), but my math shows that it would pay for itself in gas savings over our larger vehicle in about three months at current prices.
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Yes, we kept our 100k miles 4-door Alero until #3 came along and we couldn’t figure out away to get all 3 carseats in the back. It was a little bit of a hassle getting them in and out, but was by no means impossible.
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And there are even car seats narrow enough to do 3 across — we have an older Radian car seat and you could fit 3 across in even most small cars if you had too.
Definitely check sizes in person — the two big problems you will have with a smaller car are getting a stroller into the trunk (some of the super-strollers are huge even when folded) and getting some rear-facing seats in. I love our Radian but it is TALL, we could have never used it rear-facing.
You’ll find something to fit though, don’t worry!
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Haha, I’ve been shocked at all the people that went straight into a mini-van, too. When my son was born, we had a 4-door Mitsubishi Lancer (about the size of a Civic) and that worked just fine for us. We could pack ourselves, our son, and our dog up in the car for weekend trips to my Dad’s house with no issue. Typical evenings out, you need a diaper bag and a stroller. We pretty much only use an umbrella stroller, which have very little footprint on trunk space. It is NOT necessary to upgrade if you don’t feel the need to take the whole nursery everytime you leave the house. I say keep your cars and upgrade when you can save up to buy it in full.
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I completely agree that you work with what you have. What is it about weddings and babies that makes us think we have to spend a lot to get it just right? People couldn’t understand how we thought we could get by with only one car when I had our first child. “What will you do if there’s a medical emergency?”, uh, call an ambulance! Some friends of ours with one child, when they found out they were pregnant with twins went out and bought a 13 seater! I love to tease them about over-kill on that one…but they can afford over-kill. Here we are 14 years later, still with only one car and a couple more kids. There’s 5 of us in a 5 seater but we manage to take it camping several times a year. Where there’s a will there’s a way…you just have to really think about what’s important, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
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I like your mindset about making it work with what you have. I agree with Em: it’s not easy, but it’s doable in most circumstances. I’m 6’4″ and drive an ’08 Civic Coupe that’s paid off. My son has a rear-facing seat, so that requires me to climb in the backseat to take him in and out. Not every seat will fit in there and I contemplated replacing it with a four door, but it’s just not worth the extra cost.
However, the rear-facing seat leaves only just enough room for my wife to sit up front. She’s only average height, so it’s not really a problem, but somebody taller wouldn’t fit there.
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I’ve seen plenty of car seats in Civics and Corollas while out driving … my question is about a 2 door car. How bad is it??
I have an ’02 Accord coupe, and everyone tells me I’m nuts for thinking it will work with a baby.
We have a new CR-V that is earmarked to be the main family car — but my husband frequently needs it for work so planned baby will definitely ride in both cars. We’d like to make a two door car work vs. buying another car within the next year or so.
Thoughts??
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I think you can do it with a two door so long as you find a seat that fits. Especially if it’s not every day, all the time. Remember it’s just two years rear facing. That’s the toughest time. The car seats become smaller after that and for the most part a <2 year old can climb into their own seat and all you have to do is lean back there and do their buckles. At least that's my experience. To me it's worth trying.
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My niece’s father has a 2 door sports car-ish thing that he bought when he had no plans for kids and wanted something cool. Then boom! baby. He kept the 2 door and it was just fine. The carseat had to go in the middle and it got cramped if anyone else was sitting in the backseat but it was just fine for 2 adults and baby. Crowded but totally doable.
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The key issue with a 2 door car and a baby, is that you can end up twisting yourself into awkward angles getting them in and out. I know I hurt my back a bit doing this, so would recommend you be very conscious of how you balance yourself and take the weight of the baby. However, once they are a toddler it is easier as they can get themselves in and out if you do up/undo the harness. I currently have 3 kids in my 2 door car…
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I drive a Saturn SC coupe. Not just a 2-door, but a SMALLLL 2-door. We have a 3 year old and a 9 month old and both fit in the backseat. NOT worth the extra car payment, for sure.
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It can be a little tricky to get in and out with the baby with a 2 door, but definitely doable if you have the right carseat. Our first carseat had base that stayed in the car, but the seat was removable. This was super easy because I simply moved the seat up, grabbed the handle, and pulled the seat out without having to get in and out of the backseat. When my son got to be about 12 months old, I had to get a seat that stayed in permanently, so now I climb in and out of the back seat.
If you have an Accord, you should have a little more space than I have with my Civic. It beats having another car payment or trying to trade for used 4 door.
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Agreed on not needing a minivan. We had a Honda when the kids were little, replaced it with a Malibu a few years back.
I do think a 4 door vehicle is better, though. Easier to get Junior in and out of carseats that way. But it doesn’t need to be a big one.
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Steve, you will definitely be fine with the Civics. My husband and I have a Civic and a Scion xa, and our girls are 8 and 5. We have had no problems whatsoever, and our friends also all thought we’d have to upgrade to a minivan. We got regular carseats (graco and snugride, I think) and never had any issues with the size.
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Two other reasons why our Toyota Camry stopped working as the kid car (we still have it, my husband drives it now and we bought a minivan with cash off of Craigslist) – When the seats are rear-facing (which the AAP best practices now says should be until age two) the older our kid got, the harder it was to get him into the carseat without hitting his head on the top of the car door. Smaller cars just have smaller door openings. Also, the sun would stream right into his eyes through the back window, and there wasn’t a product out there that I found took care of it.
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The costs do vary wildly. Since my kids went to daycare our costs haven’t increased much, but they have definitely shifted around.
Health care: we had one chronically ill infant who was in & out of the doctor’s office, and our second required tens of thousands of dollars of surgeries & appointments with a big-city specialist to prevent problems & worries later in life. Thankfully we have great health insurance, but if we didn’t this would have sunk us.
If you have to work, childcare can be expensive and it varies wildly too. My BIL lived in a low-wage area and paid $250/month. I live in a high-cost area and paid $250/week (and this was more than a decade ago, the cost in my area has probably grown 50-60% since then.) The cost of child care can also vary significantly within a metro area. I moved 45 minutes away to a more desirable part of my metro area and suddenly found myself paying more than $200 per month more per child. All told, my family probably spent $100,000 per child on daycare before they started school.
And it doesn’t end there. We pay around $300 per month per child for after-school care, and another $300 per week for our kids to go to the town rec dept camp in summer, or to child care on school vacations. And this is the cheap camp. “Real” summer day camps can cost $700+ per week.
I haven’t seen anyone else mention the cost of housing. Not only more space, but as you get older there is pressure to live in a town with a good public school system, nice parks & playgrounds, and safe. These towns cost more to live in.
My husband and I limit our kids to two extracurricular activities each, and we pay $500-$700 per month on this depending on what the kids are doing at any given time. One of their activities is piano, so we had to buy one of those too. (You can get them for free on craigslist, but they usually cost a fortune to move and tune. We bought a gently used electric piano, but it was still several hundred dollars.)
As to babysitters, in my area the price ranges from $5/hour for a young teen to watch the kids while you go out someplace local for an hour or two to $15/hour for an adult if you are going to be gone long or go far.
And we are always saving for college.
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We have three children ages 8, 5, and 2. Last year we spent on average $2500/month on child-specific costs, the vast majority being childcare. Besides the childcare this included 529 savings, toys, (mostly 2nd hand) clothing, diapers, (limited) recreational activities, and school lunch. This does not count the FSA tax break but also doesn’t include groceries, which probably cancel each other out. Thankfully we have plenty of room in our budget to handle these costs, but I sure will be glad when we are done paying for daycare!
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YIKES!
Our ENTIRE budget for our family of 4 is $2500!
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Us, too. An interesting commentary on the financial diversity of the readership of this blog, no?
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That ‘so far’ is really interesting!
We have a 10 month old and we’ve spent very little money on him so far. I’ve posted about a lot of the ways we’ve saved money in my Baby on a Budget series: http://preservingpennies.com/category/baby-on-a-budget/ We cloth diaper most of the time and I make my own wipes. I breastfeed and make my own baby food. We use all hand me downs or second hand stuff- not really a sacrifice since second hand baby stuff is pretty well new anyways. We have pretty good benefits that pay for baby chiropractic visits (yup) and the couple of prescriptions we’ve needed. Because of these things our ongoing costs have been very low.
This year so far I’ve spent $190 on him and $50 of that was for baby-sitting. $60 of that was for second hand clothes and toys that I wanted- he didn’t actually need. The rest of that was for diapers- I stocked up because of a good sale. I do still put him in disposables when his grandparents have him and at night so there is an expense there ($30 every couple of months maybe). In contrast, I only spent $56 in October and $25 of that was his halloween costume which I made and $6 of it was for a toy. When I go back to work he will probably be going into care for 5 half days a week and around here that runs us about $600 a month. The original cost of the cloth diapers that we use ran us about $400 but they are well worth it and we will be able to use them for subsequent children (or re-sell them). We also get about $140 a month from the government for him. We’ve saved up a little over $1000 for his education costs since he’s been born which has been funded entirely by the government money and some money gifted to him when he was born.
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We spent very little on start-up costs: we were very lucky with hand-me-downs and gifts for large ticket items. That said, our daycare costs as much as our condo payment: $1000/month. Diaper service cost us $60/month, and then there was the odds-n-ends of clothes, medicines, etc. that I would estimate are another $100/month.
It can be very little with breastfeeding, cloth diapers, and hand-me-downs, but daycare is a killer.
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It’s hard to totally calculate based on what you’ve seen. I think the biggest thing is, if you’re going to have kids, plan on spending more time than anything else. Even the experiences, your kids will want your time more than anything else. As they get older that will change some, but I think the teenagers who want nothing to do with their parents are that way because from 7-12 they had little to do with them.
Yes, medical expenses are what you need to plan for, and I bet that’s 10x the normal costs. But my wife and I always wonder what people give up with the $1000 a month daycare. My wife saw all my kids first steps, first time they rolled over, first words, etc. And I generally knew within minutes on the phone they happened.
I think there’s a TED talk on how someone’s kid said it was the best day ever just going to the park and getting pizza with dad. Nothing special to Dad, but his kid thought it was the best ever. So by far, if you’re going to have kids, be prepared to sacrifice most on time. You could probably easily stay under $200 a month otherwise. And kids don’t need to go to the doctor for every sniffle!!! You just need to know when it’s more than a sniffle
My wife’s parents also made her get a job early for money, and they babysat and mowed yards to save up for a lot of stuff. We’ll probably not be so strict, but I definitely think having the kids have their own skin in the game is the best. How many people do you know who blew off college and partied just because it wasn’t on them to pay for it?
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I agree that the biggest cost of having children is time. I’m not talking about the time spent with them because that’s a given. If you have kids, you need to love them enough to spend time with them. What I am talking about is the time away from any sort of income producing efforts and the time they take from your personal life. It’s an hour here, 1/2 day there, full day if they get sick. Time to take them to daycare, appointments, school activities, sunday school. Days, evenings, weekends. I am raising 3 grandkids (who would have otherwise gone to foster care) and between dcotors, dentists, eyeglasses, ortho, etc, etc my husband and I miss work at least 1-2 times a week. It not only costs time and money but reduces your income because of time away from work. It’s not only the cost of children, it’s the reduction in income that needs to be considered.
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The good news is that baby costs are pretty fixed so it’s possible to budget.
Babies can be very cheap. My youngest was practically free. We barely noticed him, budget wise. Even diapers weren’t much because I probably didn’t change him as often as I changed the first couple of kids. His toys were things like wooden spoons and soup cans. Once he started eating, we went with table food.
As kids get older, they do get expensive. And the cost varies so much from month to month and child to child it’s impossible to put forth an accurate projected figure for someone else.
I’m sure we spend at least 3k total each month on our kids, probably more and that doesn’t include private and parochial school tuitions. I’m talking about food, lessons, sports equipment and fees, braces and other dental, medical co pays and insurance, school trips, gas to drive them to practice and friends’ homes, bicycles, larger home, higher utilities, etc.
Could it be done more cheaply? Of course. However, drastically altering it at this point would be unpleasant for us and them.
My husband and I laugh, though, when financial planners tell us we’ll need to replace 80% of our income when we retire. Do they mean when the kids are out of the (by then) paid for house? We could live like kings on half our current income once the kids are grown and gone.
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Since I’ve put that $3000 figure out there, I’ve been thinking about it. It’s an accurate figure, but it’s not like we’d be investing $3k each month in the stock market if we didn’t have kids. We’d have a different lifestyle. For instance, we’d probably buy a new couch if we accidentally spilled bleach on it. Now? We think, eh, the kids will beat it to heck anyway. Also, if we didn’t have kids, we’d probably eat out a lot more and at nicer places when we did.
And yes, we’d probably travel more if we didn’t have kids. Right now, we don’t feel like we’re missing out on anything and even the thought of travelling exhausts us. Believe me, exotic travel is not on the agenda for many years and if we never get to it, that’s ok by us. Our time will have been well spent at games and practices and campouts, weekends at the Jersey shore, etc.
So, I think for us, having kids redirected a lot of our spending from ourselves to them. But I don’t think it would be fair to say they’ve increased it by $3k. The real amount they’ve increased our spending is probably less than half of that.
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We spend roughly $1,000/month – $200/week on daycare for a total of $800/month, $60/month on disposable diapers, $20/healthcare (random doctor visits because we’re new parents and don’t always know the difference between a cold and a real illness), $100/food since our daughter is an extremely picky eater and drinks a lot of milk.
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Something that caused me to spend a lot more on kids that I would have planned for is that I had twins. That means the second kid can’t reuse the first kid’s car seat or stroller, and though you don’t really have to buy two of everything, you do need twice as many shoes, diapers, etc. We managed to avoid getting a bigger car, but if we had already had one kid in a car seat before the twins were born, we wouldn’t have been able to fit three car seats in our tiny Honda Civic, so a new car would have been part of the cost.
Daycare is also terrible. We’ve had a couple different situations since they were born, but it has averaged about $1600/month just for regular care while we work. This doesn’t include occasional nights out, or lost wages when a kid is sick and someone has to stay home, or summer camp for the week the preschool is closed between the school year and the summer session.
On the upside, we spend almost nothing on toys. Between grandparents, birthday presents, and always having a best friend there to play with, our kids don’t need anything else, and don’t even ask for much. We’ll see how that changes when they get older (they are 4 right now) and start playing sports or getting into separate hobbies where supplies can’t be shared.
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One significant kid-related cost I’ve seen mentioned in a few comments is about the need to have larger vehicles to accommodate kids. My wife is pregnant with our first right now and is due in October. We’ve been discussing whether we’re going to need to buy a bigger car in the next year or so. Right now we have ’01 and ’05 Honda Civics (both paid off and running decently). From talking with friends and family who have kids, quite a few have sort of laughed at us when we told them that we weren’t planning on buying a bigger car. They basically said that a kid need more stuff than you think. I’m sure that’s true, but still, wouldn’t a plain old Civic be enough to accommodate 2 adults and 1 kid? (When/if we have a second kid, that’s a different story.)
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Nah, the Civics will be good for several years and if this is your only child, you’ll probably never want to upgrade. Bigger cars are important in carpooling and that’s sort of a must with multiple kids.
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Carpooling – I didn’t even think about that. I’m sure we’ll be ready to swap out the ’01 by the time that comes along anyway. Thanks for the info!
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My little Hyundai Accent is doing just FINE accommodating one kid. We’re fairly sure a second car seat will fit in there too (though we’re hoping DC will have graduated to a booster by then so it won’t be quite so cramped with the infant + 5 year old).
We got a Graco for the infant seat (highest rated in consumer reports) and a Britax for the toddler+ seat (again, highest rated). No problems at all.
DH’s Honda Civic is positively roomy in the back with the Britax.
Unlike what Tyler K says, you do not need to get a bigger car for a carseat. If you think you do, then spend another $200-$300 on a different carseat, not several thousand (or even 10s of thousands) on another car.
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We moved from a Graco to a rear-facing convertible Britax in our 4 door Subaru Legacy when my daughter was 7 mo old – it was a tight squeeze until it could be forward facing. Not impossible but definitely not pleasant.
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Some of the Britax are smaller than others. It’s a good idea to try them in the car before purchasing. There’s also someplace online that has a forum that talks about car/carseat matches.
Again, getting a different carseat is less expensive than getting a different car! Even if it means going through 3 carseat stages before hitting booster stage rather than 2.
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A Civic sedan would be no problem whatsoever. The only thing about the Civic hatchback you might find annoying is dealing with car seats in a two-door car. Not impossible, but probably a hassle.
I know a couple families with older Civic sedans who have two kids apiece and are quite happy. We have a Mazda Protege5 and one kid and, again, non-issue. I don’t think a minivan is even CLOSE to a need until you have three kids.
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We spent about 700$ in preparing for our baby (car seats, etc.). We pay about 700$/month in daycare costs and under 100$/month in other items (toys, diapers, etc.). I only buy items at consignment, etc. Daycare is the killer…
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If you are thinking of having children it is wise to investigate the costs. However, the benefits should also be considered. The value of guiding another human that is part you is a priceless journey that ends only when you do. The value of seeing the world through the eyes of someone who is seeing things for the first time..ever. The value of getting to re-live your childhood or re-write it so it’s better for your children. The experience of, usually for the first time, putting someone else first, ahead of you, in your thoughts is a maturing experience even if you are in your 30s or 40s. Worried about money? Get all the hand me downs and used stuff you can. The baby doesn’t know or care how much the crib costs or if the comforter and pillow sham match. The baby justs wants you to love it. Find a way for the mom or dad to stay home with the baby for the first 2 years at a minimum. Unless you make a ton of money the childcare and doctor’s visits will eat up your earnings from the job. Consider the amount of money it costs to go to the job, gas, clothes, lunch, child care, lost time for sick baby, doctor visits. It is usually cheaper to stay home.
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Eek. This right here is why we are not having more children. Day care costs would force one of us to stay home, and neither of us is willing to give up another two years or more of work to do it. And I am sure now that I’ve expressed this, I will be told how unfit I am to parent. But I am not saying it as some clueless DINK who has never had kids, I know exactly how much money and work it takes–we have a 10-year-old now. She’s the best kid in the world–but I still wouldn’t have another.
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No, now that you’ve expressed it, you’ll get pregnant.
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Sometimes the most”fit” parents are the ones who know one is enough. I just wanted to add some intangables the question because if you just do the math no one can ever afford one or another one but when they come we always seem to find a way. I wish I had a few more than my two, who are 22 and 18 maybe someday grandkids?
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Daycare costs when they were younger were about $800/month. When they are super younger, if you don’t have hand-me-downs, clothing can be very expensive. (I’ve never been able to do hand-me-downs for shoes–they get too worn out.) They go thru 3 different sizes in the first year alone. As they age, I’d say costs don’t necessary go down.
Mine just started public school, so no more daycare, but this means $300/month for afterschool care. Summer care is about $150 per week per child. Clothing can be expensive, but we off-set the costs by selling their old toys and clothes at a bi-annual swap and buying “new” clothes from other consignors. However, now there are after school activities like dance and gymnastics. I also started a college saving plan of about $150 per month. We get invited to a lot of children’s parties, which average to $20 month. The children have a TON of requests from their school for parties and special events, as well as fundraisers. While these are “optional”, your child wants to contribute to parties and if you don’t, that means another parent is in essence paying for your child by bringing in the necessary treats and craft items. (As school budgets shrink, these craft/party days are transferred to the parent.)
However, for me, some of the hardest costs to calculate are lifestyle changes that happen based on lack of time or energy. We eat out more now-sometimes because we have no time between school and gymnastics and sometimes because I don’t have the energy to cook both a wonderful at home meal AND that cake for the cake walk in the same evening.
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My daughter is 13mo and is NOT in daycare (I work at home and my boss is ok with me watching her while I work).
We spend at least $45 on diapers and $7 on wipes (we buy in bulk at Sams – so 1 box of wipes lasts us at least 2 months. The wipes are $14 a box). Food costs about $60 – $70 per month because she’s not 100% on our food. Once she’s consistently eating the same food we eat, that will go down.
Clothes – Around $50 – but this can be less if you buy at resale / second hand shops. Look around your community for mom sales (they happen a lot).
Toys – Christmas & her birthday are close, so we spent about $200 between the two. But seriously, she’d rather bang two empty soda cans together than play with her real toys…
Healthcare – we’re lucky b/c she isn’t in daycare (so she’s had 2 colds) and we have great insurance (so we pay nothing for well baby visits). Find out how much you pay for well baby care and multiply that by 6 because that’s the minimum number of dr visits you’ll have in the first year.
Other costs will depend on how much you decide to spend. You can find nice, safe, inexpensive cribs. You don’t need a changing table – put a pad on top of a waist high dresser. Don’t buy expensive clothes or fancy outfits – you’re little one will ruin them once you start feeding real food! A safe car seat can be found for about $100.
When she was very little, we had the added cost of formula – probably $40 – $60 per month. The walmart brand is just as good as the name brands assuming you just need a regular formula.
Babies need:
-Somewhere safe to sleep
-Clothes and blankets to keep them warm
-Something to catch their waste
-Food (breast milk, formula, etc)
-Parents to love them
-A car seat if you plan to drive them anywhere
Everything else is gravy
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I budget $1,300.00 a year per child. I now have two girls, newborn and 3yr. $300 for their bday parties another $1,000 for clothes and misc expenses. Daycare is another expense at $500 a month for each. For a family of 4, our grocery budget is $600 a month. There are no real expenses outside of what I have outlined. Small expenses are picked up by either parent ( we also have our own allocations). Dr. visits outside the norm may or may not be considered emergency expenses.
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This comment was intended for Robert Zaleski (#51) above. For some reason I’m having a devil of a time posting it to him.
While spending <$200 per month on a child is doable, it's not easy and in my opinion, it's not ideal. First off, it would mean lots of couponing in the grocery store, learning to cut hair, scouring thrift shops and yard sales, and oral care at the dental school. And don't forget transportation costs. If that's all we're talking about, less than $200 is difficult but doable.
But the big thing is spending <$200 would involve a lot of "no" – no Little League, no Scouting, no school play, no Math tutor, no dance lessons, no field trips, etc.
Sometimes that's what we parents need to do – say no to our kids when we would rather say yes, when it might be to the child's benefit to say yes. That's life and life's not fair. But I think to recommend <$200 as a budgeting figure is unrealistic and will be necessarily thrusting a parentally imposed "difference" upon a child. Life is not all playing in the park and in the backyard, particularly with school aged children.
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We have a big range (2, 11, 16 and one on the way) so our budget currently touches on pretty much all of the needs kids have in their little life-at-home spans
Clothing: $100/month covers all 5 of us – we get a lot of the kids’ stuff used, but they do need new shoes every few months. And they always need 2 pairs at a time – play shoes and school shoes. And church shoes if your life includes that.
Baby supplies (diapers, wipes, equipment, toys, etc.): $75/month
Daycare: $1,175/month
Health insurance: $684 for a family plan
Kids activities (sports, music lessons, etc.): $100/month
Summer camp: $100/month (I only have one kid going to summer camp this year – yay! It’s about $1200 for the whole summer and we save for it all year, of course)
Medical/dental: $100/month, but sometimes we are under-funded here, like if someone needed braces, we’d have to figure that out. Mostly goes to doctor visit co-pays, prescriptions, etc.
For college, we save $169/month into a regular savings account for my oldest son, which he matches. The plan is to save up together for community college in 2013. We’ll up the amount as we go, but we’re in it 50/50 with him. We’ll be doing the same for my middle son, and they’re spaced just far enough apart that we won’t likely have overlap in needs. For the littlest two, we’re not doing education plans for a little while. All the research I’ve done shows them performing very poorly, so I just don’t trust that it’s a good place to pour money at the moment…
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I have not read ahead. I did not see if you would be a working parent or if one of you would stay home. Will you have to pay a thousand dollars for day care a month or not. are you intested in just baby costs or lifetime costs? Much of this you can figure out yourself, in terms of early life.
by the same token if one of you stays at home, that can also be a cost-only you can do the math.
Will you need day care, or will one of you be a stay at home parent (a thousand dollars a month)
Will your health insurance rates increase, and do they cover maternity and well baby care. Once my husband and I moved to a family plan (when he married me) all children were part of the family. what will your copays be for well baby and shots and occasional illness.
Is your home appropriate for a kid, say, up to five, your will you need a new apartment or home with additional space and costs.
What is your attitude to new and used stuff. On any given saturday I can (and do for resale) go out and buy like new baby clothes, toys, and supplies for dirt cheap. New babies NEED car seats, a place to sleep, a place to eat, and a place to put their clothing in terms of furiture. Will you want everything? will it need to all be new?
How will you feed your baby. Mine are adults but its easy to do the math on formula.
How will you diaper your baby…figure out use and check out the adds for diapers.
Im assuming your car is baby appropriate and you dont have to move from a sports car to a real car.
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Our approach to child rearing was somewhat, er, different than is the norm. Our friends and relatives were horrified that our small children were doing their own laundry and taking turns with the household chores and cooking.
See, we all worked in this household. Son was out with me pouring footers in subdivisions when he was just tall enough to hold the concrete chute while I did the grunt work. Daughter was doing demolition work when she was old enough to hold a tiny little sledgehammer. No free rides for anybody.
When the kids wanted horses, they had to take care of the feeding, stall mucking, grooming, tack care and TRAINING of the horses themselves. Want a skate board or a new bicycle? Well, y’all know where the tools are. Draw up the plans and get a list of the raw materials. Need a vehicle? We’ll get one that needs a major mechanical overhaul and then do the work ourselves.
Yet our poor abused kids turned out to be competent, independent adults with many skills that are getting paid MORE than the friends’ and relatives’ kids who got a free ride through college. They prefer to work for others right now because they KNOW that business owners have no time that is really “off” or “free” but are quite capable of running their own businesses and, indeed, have in the past.
This summer, the grandkids will be raising rabbits, ducks, and chickens for their parents’ freezers and will have vegetable gardens, too. That, along with the carpentry and concrete projects should keep them pretty busy.
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I dunno… most kids just *want* a pony. They don’t actually get to have one.
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One of the reasons we chose a more rural area was that we wanted room for a home-based business as well as for kids to grow.
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I’ll just give you a snapshot of where we’re at; you can use it to compare to other commenters’ age scenarios.
-5 children, ages 8 to 12 (1 set of twins)
- We homeschool, which I think is cheaper than the “free” public school. Spend about $500-$600 on curriculum each year, about $200 on field trips.
- Sports, club, etc fees are about $200-$400 year, depending.
- We budget $600 per month for groceries (including toiletries), $200 per month for take-out/restaurants
- Clothing has been very minimal (esp since they don’t go to school), but shoe costs are rising as they get older. My girls can’t pass down shoes as much because their feet are turning out very different. : )
- Biggest “extra” cost for our family are road trips – which we value and plan for. Hotels are NOT accomodating to large families; with any lodging (camping, etc) we have to get creative. But like I said, this is a lifestyle choice for us.
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