This is a guest post from Rya Hristova. Rya had her reader story featured at Get Rich Slowly last year. She writes a Bulgarian personal-finance blog called kadebg.com.
Did you grow up in a modest family? Walking to school or taking the bus instead of having your own car? Wearing clothes your siblings have grown out of, instead of getting designer clothes? Always trying to make do or do without?
And now in your adult life, have you found reasons to pass on high-paying jobs? Saying, “Oh that job would have been boring” or “that job is not quite me”? Are you afraid to ask for a raise? Do you feel uncomfortable getting paid for fixing a computer when the owner is someone you know? Do you think that charging money for something you do somehow makes you selfish?
If so, you may have the “I’m afraid to earn more money” syndrome.
Saving versus earning
There are usually two main camps in personal finance: spend less and earn more.
You may think that the majority of people lean to the “spend less” camp. You might also think that while not everyone can earn more, “spend less” is universal advice. Anyone can spend less, right?
Actually, no.
People who are good earners like to indulge themselves. They just plain hate words like “cutting back”, “save”, or “budget”. For earners, learning to cut back is like making an emotional eater cut back on food. It’s scary.
But what’s even more interesting is that savers are often afraid to earn more money.
Okay, they are not afraid to take more money if offered it by their boss. But they are afraid to make more money by starting a side income or a side business. (I should know, I’ve been there.)
One theory has it that saving and earning more require different skill sets. Another theory says it’s not the skill set but the mindset. Savers love security and stability while earners have a taste for risk, trying new things and rocking the boat. To earners, rocking the boat is fun! (While, as you can imagine, savers are mortified.)
So we have two very good theories here to explain why savers are actually afraid of earning more money. Oh, but wait…
…It goes deeper than that
While there are many reasons for why savers are afraid of earning, that’s not the whole story. Because savers are not only afraid of earning. They could also be afraid of just having a lot of money.
I’ll bet you $50 that if you take a saver to the mall and tell them they can have anything they want for free, they won’t choose the most expensive item. I’ll raise the bet: they won’t choose anything expensive. They’ll just pick a regular item within their usual, affordable price range.
That’s because most savers just don’t know how to be extravagant. Lifestyles of the rich feel foreign to them. This scares them.
Take an Eskimo and offer them to live anywhere in the world. You’d think they’d choose to go some place much warmer, like near the equator. Or at least South Italy. But no, they are so used to the cold and ice that they probably find it beautiful. It’s what they know.
Savers are no different than Eskimos
The point is that, as psychologist Barbara de Angelis says, “how we see the world — and money in particular — is a product of our psychological programming.” That is, if you grow up in a home which struggled with money and in which the most frequent guest was scarcity, you are programmed to love it.
You don’t believe that, do you?
Of course you don’t. Instead, you’re saying “Are you crazy, Raya? No one wants to be poor” or “Of course I want to be rich — who doesn’t?!”
But what you say you want and what you really want deep down are not the same thing. If you’ve lived in a poor or middle-class home, you are bound to love it just like the Eskimo is bound to love their North Pole. It’s just how nature works. You are meant to love the things that are familiar to you, and not necessarily the things that are better for you or that you think you want.
Mom and Dad in the spotlight
You know how we say kids learn by example and not by words? You can nag your kid all day about the importance of fitness, but if you just lay in front of the TV eating fast food, your example and deeds will sink in, not your words.
So if you grew up in a poor or middle-class home, you are very likely to try and duplicate that atmosphere as an adult.
And what about your mom and dad? Maybe their attitude towards money was that money is the root of all evil, or that rich people are bad, bad people.
Or maybe your parents, while living tight, talked to you about how important money is and how it probably feels great to be rich? Well, again, those are only words. You hear one thing but you see another. You see a humble home. You see a rusty car. You see paint peeling off the walls. But you associate all that with mom and dad, family, security, good times, and happiness. And then the peeling paint and rusty car seem sweet and romantic. The picture now has its own charm.
A solution?
So does this mean that you’re future is set in stone? That your fate is to say you want to be rich, but act like you’re running away from riches? That you will spend your life being scared of the big bucks?
Well the first step in healing your mentality is to realize all of that. Take a look back at your childhood and early years in your family. Look for “triggers” that may have set off your programming, like any occasions on which money was discussed. Do you remember any warm, bonding moments that you subtly associate with not having money, for example you and mom patching worn-out clothes while she tells you a family story or you and dad fixing the rusty car and having a laugh?
Note: I do not mean to say that you can’t grow up in a modest family and be happy. I grew up like that and I was very happy. But there’s no point in letting old strings keep you away from a financially secure life and abundance. You need to accept that you can have money and live rich and still keep your sweet childhood memories. In fact, they’ll probably feel even sweeter — when you get rich, you can look back and smile, thinking about the long journey you’ve walked.
Your life is a choice, not a destiny
Finally, get up and do something about earning more money. It’s really not that hard. You may not get it right the first time, but the beautiful thing is there’s no limit as to how many times you can try.
After all, what’s the worst that can happen? Even if you fail you will be right back at where you are now, but more experienced. And if you succeed, you will end up bringing more money in. Then more. And more.
It’s ridiculous to be afraid of earning more money just because you were programmed that way when you were young. You’re not a computer. You have free will.
Don’t waste it.
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I have my full-time job and have a couple sources of “side-job”-like income, but none of the above pay enough to comfortably make ends meet. When I think about it though — I AM a little afraid of making more money because what would I do with it? If not paying off debt or bills, which my wife and I have a great system worked out for, then what do we do? Make a whole new system for investing? That’s a little scary. And it’s scary that I think that way. Thanks for the food for thought!
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Perhaps, you can use more money to pay down your debts quicker? But, there is always a balance. Usually more money means finding more time to generate it, whether it is income earned passively or not. I don’t think everyone needs to earn more money if it comes at an expense of taking away time that you and your wife value. If you are content with your system of paying down debts and saving, doing what you two are currently doing is probably fine.
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I _USED TO_ think that frugality was the only road to financial independence, and would look down my nose at people who earned more or aspired to earn more.
But over the past several years, my worldview has completely changed. I realized that having more money allows more freedom. Having more money means having more choices, and not having to worry as much about the little expenses, and being able to afford more expensive things. Money is simply a tool.
Whether we like it or not, we’re in control of our choices, and we can choose to earn more. That’s not to say that earning more fixes all your problems; earning more gives you more wiggle room in your budget, and gives you more options.
When I started my own consulting business in January 2007, I didn’t think about turning it into a full-time gig. But when I started getting paid for my consulting work, I realized that the income had the potential to help me reach my goals faster. Would you rather take 10 years to pay off debt, or 1 year? Big difference.
Within about 15 months of starting my business, I quit my “real” job to consult full-time, and have QUADRUPLED my former day-job salary. And I actually work less, have equivalent medical & retirment benefits, and have much more flexibility and financial security than I ever did at a day job.
It’s truly been life-changing.
So, am I still frugal? Of course! But now I worry less about little things (and budget for them).
Greg Miliates
StartMyConsultingBusiness dot com
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Never thought about it that way but it definitely rings some truth. We create the largest barriers for ourselves with our minds and that certainly also applies to making extra money. I think this relates not only to money but many goals that may seem impossible but if we change our mindset are within reach.
Thanks, i enjoyed reading this post.
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+1. I’ve been on Dave Ramsey’s Baby Step 2 for awhile now (and am finally making some progress), and this morning I realized for the first time ever that I could envision what a real (at least 3-4 months) emergency fund would be. Mentally I just wasn’t ready to even think about it until getting this far into my personal economic recovery; it was very much a mindset thing.
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Laura, thanks! I can relate to that, too. A while back I was reading the Secret and there was an exercise where you had to imagine your hands, in details, with your fingernails, watch, jewelry etc. – on the wheel of a brand new Porche.
I was doing well with visualising my hands
but when I read the part about the Porche something just cracked – I couldn’t do it. I mean I could imagine it, but I couldn’t make myself believe it. I could well imagine my hands on the wheel of an average car, but that was as far as my mind would go. And not a step beyond.
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White I can appreciate the point of this article, I must admit I’m not a fan of the tone – especially at the beginning.
Being a “saver” myself, I don’t create new businesses because I value my personal time more than money, and smelling the roses is worth more than a big bank account. When I do spend money, I spend the time researching the best possible option, and I’m willing to spend the money to get it – I want the most bang for the buck.
The tone here is something I’ve seen on other sites, and it always frustrates me – be conversative in some aspects, and you’re scared/introverted. “Spend” more and be agressive/extroverted, and life is awesome. I’m sure there are people who fall into those camps, but presenting a dichotomy like this is overly simplistic.
Okay, okay…I’ll get off my soap box now.
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I was actually stunned by the comments about Eskimos — especially “loving their North Pole”.
I’m disappointed GRS would allow something like that.
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Agreed. The racism in this post really stood out for me.
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Excuse me. How politically correct and insane can you possibly be? That Eskimos would prefer their homes to an unknown area is racist? PLEASE.
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Hey there Elizabeth,
Sorry you found that reference offensive. It isn’t meant to be offensive, just to illustrate how we a programmed to love our way of living even though it may not be the easiest for us.
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It’s racist because it assumes that all “Eskimos” (not a term preferred by the people about whom you’re speaking) all want the same thing, to stay where they are. We wouldn’t talk about Americans all wanting to stay exactly where they are out of fear and comfort – we’d acknowledge that within the group different people want different things.
I was at first very excited to read the article and once I hit this part became disappointed. Even if you didn’t mean to be racist, you were.
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Folks, if you’re offended by this article, then all that I can say is ‘wow’. And ‘get over yourself’.
Our society here is so, so, so politically correct that it makes it oppressive.
Lighten up, get over yourself would be my comment to anyone thinking this is a racist post. I’m stunned anyone would arrive at the conclusion this was racist.
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While I agree that part was an awkward turn of phrase, I don’t think that GRS should be looked down upon for “allowing” it. It’s a guest post. People have the right to express themselves, even if they do so inelegantly.
OTOH, having grown up in northern Minnesota (which is pretty darned cold) her example did help me understand her point.
…but I agree, it was an awkward phrase.
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I agree that people have a right to express themselves, and I know from working as an editor that it’s challenging to balance a writer’s voice with good writing practices — like avoiding misinformation and inelegant writing.
I understand the OP’s point, but I think there was a better way to make it. (And I really hope people know that no one actually lives at the North Pole!)
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Most Eskimos DO love their cold environment lol. There’s nothing racist about it.
It would be racist to suggest that they all want to leave.
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Yeah but they don’t live at the North Pole, any more than the British live at Stonehenge or the Australians live on the Great Barrier Reef.
“Eskimos” are people, not mascots or symbols.
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I was also shocked by that aspect of this post. Leaving aside the condescending comments about “loving their North Pole”, “Eskimo” is a derogatory term. The indigenous peoples of the far North are called Inuit. The writer may not have been aware of this, but surely someone at GRS should have picked up on it. I can’t imagine they would have allowed any other ethnic group to be described with an offensive epithet.
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Eskimo? Really?
They’re called Inuit. Canada has most of the Inuit population, and I’m rather appalled that this word is still used. It’s really not much different that a derogatory term for any other visible group of people.
And that’s not even getting into the culturally insensitive at best, racist at worst tone of the article.
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Eskimo was a more common term in Alaska, and Inuit more common in Canada.
Eskimo isn’t offensive, and certainly isn’t meant to be offensive. I’ve been to Alaska and am related to a bunch of Alaskan.
From wikipedia:
“The Inuit Circumpolar Council, as it is known today, uses both “Inuit” and “Eskimo” in its official documents”
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Pretty easy to miss her general point here, isn’t it, when you’re fussing about her ‘Eskimo’ comments…People, she’s coming from her background. I honestly don’t think she meant any insult by it. (And my daughter’s long-time boyfriend is part Inuit. A great guy, by the way.)
It does seem as if she’s equating spending bigger bucks with being an ‘earner.’ I grew up being a “Hollander” (our family’s phrase for frugality, inspired by my Dutch dad). What you made was important, all right — but once you got a raise or a better job, you didn’t just go hog-wild with purchases. That extra money — at least a good-sized portion of it — went into savings. After all, who knows what’s going to happen to you in the near or far future. Best to be prepared.
Those savings kept us going even when Husband had extended health problems and didn’t work for months. (And then got a job for years as a school bus driver — at about 1/4 of the pay he’d been making as an engineer.) If I’d ramped up the spending simply because he was earning more, we would have been in serious trouble.
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Just wanted to reinforce the point that no, Eskimo is NOT a derogatory term. There are people who preferred to be called Eskimo.
For those advocating calling native peoples in Canada/Alaska Inuits instead, that is also incorrect. Inuit is one of the tribes. There’re also Tshimshian, Inupiak, Tlingit, etc. That’s like saying you should call all Indians in the Southwest US “Navajo.”
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I agree. My mouth dropped open when I read it. Although I understand her ultimate point, there are culturally intelligent ways of making it.
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Glad it’s not just me. I was put off by the Eskimo comments, too. The tone was a bit annoying, overall, but as someone born and raised in Alaska, and having had cultural sensitivity towards native Alaskans inculcated into my being since birth, it got my hackles up a bit.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eskimo#Origin_of_the_name_.22Eskimo.22
“No universal term other than Eskimo, inclusive of all Inuit and Yupik people, exists for the Inuit and Yupik peoples”
—
The example of “Eskimos” in this article was intended for illustration of a concept and not to oppress, exterminate, assimilate or exploit a minority.
The Inuit-Yupik or Inupiat-Yupik (aka “Eskimos”) live in what most of us would consider an extreme environment, and yet are well adapted to it. This illustrates the fact that us humans can adapt to all sorts of circumstances and grow accustomed to them.
The article isn’t asking you to “hate Eskimos” and send them plagues, it’s asking you to look at your own ingrained adaptations and figure out if they are serving you well. That is all.
Yes, it wasn’t the best use of English for a non-native speaker, and maybe it could have used some editing, but this wasn’t an Aryan supremacist pamphlet, and the beaten horse is already dead. No need to continue with the expressions of outrage.
I do agree with Elizabeth however that ultimate responsibility for this minor internet scandal falls with the editors who are more sensitive to the culture and mores of their audience.
But come on people, there are bigger problems in the world than calling someone an Eskimo for lack of a better word. I get called “Latin” all the time and I have to clarify I’m not from Latium, but it’s not like people are trying to lynch me or have me deported.
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It seems ‘EL Nerdo’ is a fake name used by J.D to fuel/douse comments as required.
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???
Why would you even say something like that, Tarun? It’s the sort of lame supposition typically made by commenters at other websites, but not GRS. El Nerdo is his own man. He has nothing to do with me.
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One of the things I’ve learned from my mom is that everything has a price, and sometimes you pay with hours and sometimes you pay with dollars.
For the VAST majority of people, earning more money means working more – you take a job as a big law lawyer a consultant and work 80 hour weeks and several figures more than you might in-house, or you become the controller of a large corporation for $200K instead of the accounting manager of a smaller shop for $100K. Or you spend your life building a business and then sell it for several million dollars.
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A lot of this post rings true to me, because I am afraid – to a certain extent – to make more money.
But you’re right, time is worth more than money to me. I’d rather wear clothes from thrift shops and have to “make do” or “do without” than to work more and earn more – but see my family a lot less.
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I’m a “saver” (probably too much) AND an “earner” – I don’t waste time doing work where I’m not paid as much / “bank for the bang” (that sounds bad) as I can get – so that I can have the time to smell the roses too. And not have to waste my time thinking about every little spending decision.
You don’t have to add on more businesses / work more to make more money – that’s actually terribly inefficient.
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The tone bothered me, as well, though I am happy for GRS to run different pieces, even those that I’m not crazy about. I’ve chosen not to earn as much as I could, because my job allows me to work fewer hours per week (“only” 40) and spend more time with my family. In addition, while I am not a poster child for frugalality, I don’t believe I need to be that person who spends a lot at the mall, because that’s not what I value. I believe that, while money can be enjoyed, my money is not my own (I believe it is a gift from God, earned by my work through the abilities he gave me, and not solely for my benefit), and that the world isn’t all about me, so I try to be frugal in part so I can be generous with others. Personally, while I have chosen to limit my earning — as I mentioned — to maximize my free time, I agree with John Wesley’s statement: “Earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can.”
All that said, I think the author has a good point: some people are afraid of money and may actually fear increasing their earnings.
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Eskimo, Inuit-ness aside, to get back to Jim’s point, it’s not always about being ‘afraid’ to make more money. I do make ‘more’ money, and I’d often like to make less. Why? Because I know that would mean fewer demands on my time. I know that to make less money I’d have to have less overhead, which would mean a tighter ship financially speaking.
Everyone’s financial journey should not be about just making more money.
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I agree with Jim.
I could work more hours or climb the corporate ladder to earn more money, but I value my time more. I only have one life to live and I’d rather spend my time with my family and friends, and doing things that I enjoy. In my opinion, that is more important than having a fat bank account. When I’m on my deathbed, I don’t see myself reflecting on my life and wishing I had more money to spend on stuff, but rather more time to spend with the people I love and doing the things that enrich my life.
Some people really enjoy working, and some people are lucky enough to do something they love to earn money, but most of the people I know don’t. They work at a corporate job to support their families and a lifestyle they’re accustomed to.
The Eskimo analogy rubbed me the wrong way too. I likened it to someone referring to a person of Asian decent as “Oriental.” I don’t think the original poster meant any harm (bless their heart), but I believe the analogy is flawed. People who are poor don’t remain poor because they are afraid to earn more money. They are poor because they lack the resources to bring themselves out of poverty. They tend to not be financially savy, or they have lived a life of oppression for so long, usually spanning generations, that they don’t have the time, energy, or means to change their situation. It is a complicated problem, and not just as simple as people gravitating toward what they know.
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Well, Jim, there’s the fact that Eskimos don’t actually live on the North Pole, for starters. And the fact that you were attempting to speak for an entire group of people and assume you knew their preferences.
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I agree that the tone has a bit of a “more is better” feel to it, Jim. It’s an interesting idea though and it’s good to hear other points of view. I like reading about opinions that are vastly different than mine because it makes me think.
In my little world, most of the “savers” I know are also “investors” and they will plunk down huge amounts of money, say on a foreclosure property, in order to gain more money in the long run. Many of them know the value of money very well and know what they are worth and aren’t afraid to ask for it. These savers can take more risks sometimes because their lifestyle isn’t inflated and filled with things. They are entrepreneurs and business people. They are often quite inspiring.
Also, this article sort of skirts around the issue of Hedonic Adaptation, where you get used to what your current situation and revert back to a base level of happiness. If you inflate your lifestyle, then you get used to that and don’t feel like you can downsize. It seems that those that are used to less can actually end up doing more in the end because they can see past the fluff and all the stuff.
This article also made me think about why I gave up taking a job for twice as much money than I was previously making. The answer is to avoid the stress and have more time with my family. It also makes me wonder why I feel weird driving around in a fancy car or being waited on by someone at a restaurant… I think it’s because I like to do things for myself and I feel like I want to be someone people know for me, not for my car status. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and it feels more “real” to me.
Anyway, good stuff to ponder, but my views are very different than yours, Rya!
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People having different views is the most natural thing in the world
I, like you, read articles and theories that may be different than my current beliefs; in fact, that is how the biggest changes in my life came to happen.
Of course, it doesn’t happen everytime, but for me it’s fun to explore different or even contrary beliefs (contraty to mine). Best chance to learn something new. If you only read the stuff you like and agree with, how are you going to learn new stuff?
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I have to say I think a bit of a false dichotomy is being set up here.
I’m an ‘earner’ by most reasonable definitions (well into 6 figures) but also save as much as I can, love budgeting (I’ve got retirement spreadsheets at a level of detail you would not believe) and am not particularly a risk taker (broad index funds, dividend-yielding blue chip stocks, and government bonds for me).
I grew up in a tiny terraced house, one (old) car, never went to restaurants etc – but now I live in a large detached house with three decent cars and go out regularly. And yet, still beneath my means. When I visit my mom at the house I grew up in, I don’t have a romantic view of it at all and part of me wishes she would move somewhere nicer.
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Earning more is a path that some of us intentionally don’t take. And why being comfortable with your choice is worse than being unhappy and always looking for something more, something different?
It would be clearer if we were talking about people who are in debt and need to earn more, but the article seems to be about people who are OK financially and just not looking for more earnings.
I actually grew up in Bulgaria, like the author, and came to the US just over 10 years ago. And despite being a high earner, our family still enjoys a middle class lifestyle, as most of our friends here. We see this as an advantage, not as a barrier, an advantage that allows us to save more, stress less and be happy with what we have. Before our kids were born I intentionally chose to step aside from a career path that would have taken us into the 1%, but would have brought with it long hours, a lot of stress and travel and no time to enjoy the family life. I don’t think I have a saver mentality as defined in the article, I just knew the level at which I will be comfortable and I knew very well the lifestyle trade offs of choosing to earn more. It was a rational, not emotional choice.
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Wow, this really resonates with me. I grew up in a very poor family (free lunches at school, hand-me-downs, no money for extracurricular activities, etc).
My dad was a factory worker, and my mom stayed at home raising us kids. Now I went to college and have a good job, but I can really identify with the “being afraid to earn more” aspect. It’s definately a mindset thing. I was raised to be an “employee” (to do what you’re told) rather than to be a “manager” (take initiative and think for yourself). As an adult in the working world trying to make it and be successful, it’s difficult to switch mindsets.
I’m 28 and last year was the first year I seriously asked for a bigger raise than what was initially offered at my annual review. I did the research about comparable salaries and kept notes of my achievements, and guess what? They gave me the larger raise.
So, while it can certainly be a struggle to “re-learn” some of these things, it really makes a difference.
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In my job I figured out how to get a better raise than was initially offered; but my sister is in more white-collar work and wants to ask for more of a raise than they might offer at her one year review… any advice, Justin, on how to do that?
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I work in corporate accounting (definately white-collar work). My approach was three-fold:
1. I searched for salaries of similar job titles at different companies within 50 miles or so of my location. If you believe your pay is significantly less than what other companies are paying, it helps to have it documented.
2. I made a list of the job responsibilities I had when I started in the position and the job responsibilities that I have now. I wrote out and explained how my duties have shifted to more involved work with more independent thought and analysis rather than the standard tasks I had in the past.
3. I kept record of any process improvements I’ve made, such as re-working a spreadsheet or report to save time each day/week/month. This gives you something quantifiable to show your boss. If you improve a process that saves you an hour a week, that adds up to more than a week’s pay of increased productivity.
This worked for me, and hopefully it can help your sister out.
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I agree with this insight about the birth family dynamic making it difficult to move into other work areas. I have worked full-time as a secretary while getting through my undergraduate degree and now my masters. Even though I achieved the highest grades in my departments in both programs and won awards, scholarships, etc., now that I am graduating and will be looking for a new job, I still find it difficult to even know where to look or what I am qualified for. Even though I have learned that I am intellectually and emotionally qualified for leadership positions, I STILL find if difficult to see myself in that position and when I move into them, my anxiety level really increases. It is a valuable insight and was hard won but now I can recognize the anxiety and deal with it in constructive ways.
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I believe it’s important not to associate living frugally and being resourceful with being poor. In many cases, my family when I was growing up as an example, a family can live very resourcefully with hand-me-down clothes, cars that, at times, had a little rust and a non-glamorous lifestyle when their not poor. In fact, this kind of lifestyle is what keeps a family from being poor, no matter how much they earn. Earning and spending, in my opinion, are two completely different things. You don’t have to earn more to spend more or earn very little to spend very little. It seems to me that many people take no consideration for how much they earn when spending money or setting their lifestyle. I think if they did, they would find themselves less poor and more prosperous no matter what their income level is.
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This is a thought-provoking article, and the author raises some interesting points. But what about the person who makes enough money to save and live comfortably, and doesn’t feel the need to earn more? I know this seems a bit crazy in our culture, but I’m getting a little weary of the “more more more” mantra. Isn’t there such a thing as “enough”?
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:looks at title of blog:: Sure there’s such a thing as enough…but the people who read this blog probably don’t think they’re there yet and want some advice on how to GET there.
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Earning more and getting rich are not synonymous! It is quite possible to earn sufficient income to both live a reasonably enjoyable life AND save a large enough portion to get rich slowly.
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There are many definitions of the word “rich” that do not refer to money.
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It may not be the snow and ice that keep Native Alaskans in their villages, but the family and social ties. Some things are worth more than money, or warm temperatures.
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Difference between rich and poor is, in my view, more directly related to feelings about debt than saving more vs. earning more.
There is no easier way to earn more than to leverage. Earning more often requires more hours invested. Earning more with investments especially requires more capital, but not necessarily more time.
So, if you can borrow money, you can earn more in the same amount of time as an investor. Real estate investors seems to know this better than anyone.
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Saving requires knowing what other things are worth. Earning requires knowing what you are worth. That is where I struggle. Maybe some of it is fear, but some of it is not growing up with an example to show me how.
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Well said Vanessa and I agree completely about the examples of what we are worth following us into adulthood. Not all of us grow up learning that we are worth anything or can do/be what we want. I think there is more of a correlation between growing up poor with lack of positive examples and consumer debt, not saving. Once I realized that I could be more than my upbringing indicated and that I was not a “sell out” to my roots, I began to dig out of debt and work toward bigger goals.
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Jenna, I love your comment. Great point.
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Once I realized that I could be more than my upbringing indicated and that I was not a “sell out” to my roots, I began to dig out of debt and work toward bigger goals.
The internet has been the best thing that’s happened to me in this regard. I’d never been exposed to people who had an “anything is possible” mindset before. It really helps to balance out the proclamations of gloom and doom I get from my own family when I want to stretch outside of my comfort zone. I have to ignore most of the advice they give me because while well-intentioned, it’s not advice that is going to push me forward in life.
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Personally, I see myself as a hybrid which makes sense as my dad is a “saver” and mom is an “earner.” They both grew up poor but did quite well for themselves because of their hard work.
I’ll probably continue to travel between the two camps. Saving is smart but it’s nice to “treat yo’ self” every once in awhile too.
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Wow. I feel like this article was written about my life. I was raised in a lower middle class family and was sent school in rummage sale clothes. Money was tight and I knew it. I do not regret this and I am not embarrassed of it. I am infact proud of what hard workers myself and my family members are but after reading this article can see some programed thoughts around money that are holding me back and that are a result of this:
“Money is bad.”
“Wealthy people have empty and emotionally unsatisfying lives.”
I know these things are not true. They are strong messages I received growing up and have lead to me being very apprehensive about the thought of exceeding the income level and lifestyle of my family. Thanks for this great article. I will do some serious thinking on this.
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Thank you, Bethany! I felt lost about money for quite some time and it wasn’t until recently I realized how many subtle messages I soaked up in my childhood that made me feel I didn’t deserve or couldn’t or shouldn’t have more money.
(My parent’s didn’t do it on purpose, of course, and I don’t have any issues with that.)
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The messages we receive from our families growing up are really powerful…I was raised to “get a good education and learn to take care of yourself” (ie. become self-employed) while my husband was raised to “get a good union/government job with a pension”….neither bad advice but certainly somewhat at odds from one another.
{For the record, we are self-employed business owners….and his family treats him like one of the “1%”}
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I can kind of relate to this article. I don’t know what income level to put my parents at because it was considered absolutely uncouth to talk about that. They did however run their own company, send their 6 kids to private schools and had money to do a lot of travelling (they did mission work) and such. My husband says they are unequivocally rich but I never thought of ourselves that way. My parents are not flashy or showy. They are kind of frugal (no cable) and kind of not (house in Florida). Mostly though what I learned from them is how it’s not OK to be flashy, talk about money etc. Also, because they ran their own company, I learned to identify with the boss and respect the company, want what’s best for it etc.
This leaves me in a bad place now because I think my boss has learned to take advantage of me and I’ve just let it happen. I feel very awkward talking about money and I was taught to trust that the boss would see my hard work and pay me a fair wage. When I have spoken to my boss about my wage and such he always talks about how little money he is making and gives me a big sob story and I fall for it and tell him I’ll work harder to make the company money. It never fails that right after he feeds me one of these lines he goes out and buys something extravagant for the company right afterwards… This cycle has been going on for a bit now and I always fall for it. I wonder if it’s because I have a bit of this ‘syndrome’ going on?
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I love this article–lots to think about. However, there is something missing–life itself. Do we earn to live or live to earn?
I think the article looks at most the extremes–those in poverty and those who are really rich. What my parents taught me that is that happiness is most important and that time is the one asset that we have no control over. We all only have 24 hours in a day and tomorrow is not guaranteed. If we have enough to make us happy and we are truly happy with where we are, then there is not the burning desire to try to get even more.
My parents were middle-class and were frugal in some regards–but not in others. We had new cars but would keep them until they died. We had an amazing boat and a really nice piano, but scrimped at most other things. They were teachers with summers off, so we spent a LOT of time together. I learned that money cannot buy time; it cannot buy togetherness. I had friends with wealthy parents, but they generally did not see their dads who were working all the time.
I work in a job where there is a big potential to earn really big money–most of the people I started out with have moved on to jobs that pay twice as much. And they work really long hours. What is the point of working for really good money if you can’t enjoy life? Should I choose really good money with no life or a more modest salary with more time to spend with family? I have really wealthy friends and they do splurge a lot, but I think it’s because they have a lot less free time and need those type of rewards. They want to see the fruits of their labor. For me, the fruits of my job choices are leaving at an earlier time and spending that time with family.
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In my work with a wide variety of families as a teacher, I agree that the psychology of earning and spending is complex. I personally fall into the saver category, but I’m not really afraid to earn more–I just don’t see the need. We pretty much do the least work we need in order to live, and enjoy our time instead of our money. I don’t think my life would be better if I had more money, simply because then I’d have less time.
There are a lot of implied value statements in this post that do not align with my personal values.
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I grew up in a family of super-savers (who were also high earners who didn’t spend any of it).
Where it manifested itself when I became an adult was that – first, I indulged myself in my late teens and very early 20′s. Then when money became scarce during university, the transition to spending less wasn’t difficult, I pretty much knew what to do and how to do it and it didn’t feel like too much deprivation. It felt kind of normal actually.
My 23 yo son OTOH, who experienced the same kind of low income during his university years that I did but without the more rigid childhood programming that I had – absolutely *refuses* not to have an exceptional income (for his age and job) and substantial savings. And knows how to indulge himself on what matters. I must have accidentally done something right…
Much as I hate to say it, I think there may be some gender issues around this as well.
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I’m a saver who also happens to make 6 figures. My parents have always been cost-conscious, even when they each started making way more than I make now, but I exceed them in frugality to the point where even they wonder where I got it from.
The premise of the article is true for me in the sense that I don’t like having a lot of money around, but that doesn’t mean I’m denying myself the benefits of a great income. I give myself a guilt-free play budget and just shovel all that money into savings and extra principal on the mortgage.
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Karen, I actually do the very same with my money. Before, I didn’t actually realize I was afraid to earn money. That’s a subtle issue that many of us may not be aware of. After I realized I had that issue that was holding me back, I was able to overcome it. Now I earn well but shovel a lot into savings and investments.
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I hate to save money. I hate frugality.
I urge to earn more and spend it all having fun.
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Yeah, well let us know how that works out after you get sick, hurt or lose your job…and something like that WILL happen sometime in your working life. Good luck covering your bills after that.
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This kind advice might make sense in a post-communist society, but in a democratic capitalist society like the United States, it’s hard to miss the irony of his get rich be happy mentality. A quick overview of Bulgaria’s recent economic history (re the 1997 economic collapse) and existing income inequality, might suggest a different approach. I would hope that most educated readers of this blog would be suspect of any philosophy that equates security and abundance.
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“That is, if you grow up in a home which struggled with money and in which the most frequent guest was scarcity, you are programmed to love it.”
Not necessarily. My husband grew up poor – one of 4 kids, absent father, welfare, no money for extras of any kind. Now as an adult, he can’t spend fast enough. He fears nothing more than being poor again.
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You said “Now as an adult he can’t spend fast enough.” I think that illustrates the authors point because he is recreating scarcity. I grew up with similar circumstances and overspent in my 20′s to try and “fit” in with friends from well-off families and shake off my poor background. When the s*it hits the fan and there is no savings, scarcity has returned.
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Seems to me this sets up a false dichotomy between “savers” who earn less and spend less, and “earners” who earn more and spend more.
In my experience, there are a lot of people who earn less and spend more, or earn more and spend less.
Personally, I’d like to earn more and spend less – and I’m working on both of those things. But I’m not willing to sacrifice tons of time – especially time with my family – for more money. I’d rather have less money and more time with my family – something this author doesn’t seem to even consider as a reason for not earning as much as possible.
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I agree. It feels like the author is asserting that being wealthy (or living in the south of Italy) is the only rational choice, without considering that some people may value non-tangible things like free time, relationships, or a clutter-free life more than the amount of zeros in their bank account.
What I like about GRS is that there are so many voices and so many different definitions of the word “rich”, whether it be financially, emotionally, etc. It’s fine that this author feels that the traditional definition of rich is what speaks to her, but I don’t like the condescension towards those who take a different view.
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This is nothing more than someone ordaining themselves to be a PhD in behavioral finance. While the article is difficult to follow, I can’t help disagree with the themes. Take my spouse’s family. My spouse is the only one who saves while the others are out spending faster than it is coming in. Same house, same rules. I grew up with parents who didn’t save, but I am an saver.
Why does earning more suck? Because it means more work. and I’m not talking about asking for a raise you deserve, that is called getting paid what you should, not earning more. Perhaps people who don’t want to earn more and save are content with their lives? I certainly am happy with where I am. And if I wasn’t, I would go around turning tricks or whatever you do to “earn more.”
There’s nothing wrong with being happy with where you are in life and valuing time, just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to earn more. I just find being happy and content (without earning more) is much easier on my life.
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I can’t say I read the whole article, it was tedious and repetitive, but I strongly disagree with the fundamental idea that it’s a bad thing to be happy with what you have and that people should push themselves to want more.
The examples that struck me: an “Eskimo” not knowing enough to want to live near the equator (so many things wrong with this I don’t know where to start) or a middle class person not knowing any better than to be happy with a middle class lifestyle.
Why not take that a step further and laugh at kids raised on a healthy diet who are too ignorant of junk food to crave Doritos and Dr. Pepper for breakfast, or someone who lives in a house (gasp!) without a pool, who doesn’t even know what they’re missing.
You’re basically advocating what this blog usually decries: lifestyle inflation.
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As some others have pointed out, there is a difference between living rich and being rich. A person can live rich on credit, at least for a time. Others have a high net worth and live modestly. Most people have to make a choice between living rich and being rich. They simply don’t make enough money to do both.
I’m skeptical of the notion that earning more necessarily makes for a happier life. I know of people who are on the more income treadmill. They are never happy because they never seem to be able to earn enough, even though they earn magnificent incomes. The people I know who are happiest are the ones who realize they have enough.
I worked in commission sales and was self-employed for most of my work life. My income was tied directly to my performance. I enjoyed making more money, not because I wanted to spend it, but because money was the measure of my success. Earning more satisfied my competitive nature. I saved most of those extra earnings, because I valued financial independence above material extravagance. I still do.
As for the Eskimos, I grew up on the eastern fringe of the Great Plains with trees and lakes and lush vegetation. Thirty years ago, I relocated to the desert Southwest. I love the desert, especially the mild winters.
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I have struggled deeply with this issue. I grew up with my father working in a factory and my mother stayed home. My parents gardened, canned, hung clothes on the line and mon sewed not only our clothes but our toys. It was a wonderfull childhood.
I went to an affluent private college full of obnoxious, ungrateful rich kids. I had financial aid, a mountain of student loans and had more jobs than opportunities to party. Attending there solidified this unspoken belief that money was bad.
Fast forward. I have bee married 16 years to an amazing man who started a road construction business. We have things others around us don’t. Our kids do things we never did until we were adults-like fly on an airplane, go on vacations etc.
I struggle with being able to afford things others can’t. I don’t want people to know what we have. I’m much more comfortable driving the 2000 Neon than our golf cart. I know, intellectually that money is amoral. I know that there is nothing wrong with having things, but that nagging feeling that I’ve turned my back on my past, my values, and my family remains. I almost feel like I’m saying “that wasn’t good enough” because we have more. The funniest part of all this is that we continue to live modestly, hang clothes on the line , can, garden, shop at thrift stores and rummage sales.
I’m glad that I’m not alone in this. I look forward to hearing about how others have reconciled these differences and I’m open to suggestions!!
PS You nailed me as a saver. I would never pick the most expensive thing in a store! No matter what!
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Hey Automn, I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you mean. I absolutely do. When I started earning more money, it was hard to drop my old habits. I still can’t shake some of them. There’s nothing wrong with being frugal, but there’s nothing wrong with NOT being frugal when you want to, and when you can afford to.
I know sometimes I feel guilty when I splurge. Why not splurge? I’ve certainly worked for it. It’s certainly not going to break my budget. Yet somehow it still feels wrong.
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While I get that a lot of you are struggling with the author’s clumsy use of the Eskimo example (for some reason I think if she had used Russian’s as an example there would be less backlash – and I can’t figure out why that is for the life of me). You all need to realize that she is not born and raised in America – the land of cultural sensitivity above all else. I agree that there are better examples, and that not every person who saves, who earns a meager income is afraid to earn more. She’s just pointing out that if you find yourself in that catagory – maybe some soul searching could be in order – are you really there because of choice – or by internal prejudices you’re unaware of? If it’s by choice – by all means – go right on living the dream. But if not, and you’re looking for advice on why you’re desires/happiness isn’t aligned with your path in life – maybe this could be the source. I think the author has a very good grasp of American’s love/hate relationship with wealth (which means maybe it’s not so American after all).
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Thank you Bella. I think the range of responses to this article is a textbook illustration of narcissistic bias! Some people are reading into the article their own inherent worldview and responding as if every word were aimed at them personally.
I think the psychology Rya is describing is perfectly valid. Some people are offended by her phrasing or “tone.” All should just remember the GRS mantra, do what works for you.
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Please add my vote to this.
Why do people choose to focus on being offended at the expense of everything else?
The article had some nice ideas. Some of them are similar to those put forward by Jerrold Mundis in “Earn What You Deserve”. He posted here recently, and his book actually says it’s “not about working harder or living on chicken wings”. It’s about being “a compulsive underearner”. I like that book and I like this article.
The thing about being accustomed to a certain lifestyle/ environment/ surroundings also rang true with me, I have experienced this first-hand. I’m actually sharing this with people I know because it can be the basis for some productive introspection.
Now I could have chosen to ignor the good points and cry about racist comments because I’m a “minority,” and so is my wife, and people like us get stereotyped all too often– but who really has the time and energy to be a professional victim and cry foul at every turn? Seriously. It gets tiring.
The eskimo and his north pole was a bit of clumsy prose by a non-native English speaker– point out the error and move on, and quit beating on a dead horse.
The meat of the article is that people are held back by ingrained behaviors. Agree or disagree, that’s the point of the article, and what we should be discussing.
And I loved the “narcissistic bias” term. It’s a widespread condition, I’m afraid!
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No one is “choosing” to be offended. Your response is derailing.
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People don’t choose to be offended, but they choose to wallow in the offense. Being offended about something is a sign of virtue these days– and how people love to display their “virtue”! Like a chest full of war medals. The one-upmanship of I am more offended than you is a horribly annoying fashion.
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People ARE discussing whether or not people are held back by ingrained behaviors. The “eskimo” example just brilliantly demonstrates why the premise is flawed. There have to be a thousand good reasons that Inuit people choose to continue to live where they do (and surely some bad ones).
To chalk it up to fear is an oversimplification just like the entire premise of the article is an oversimplification.
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There are a million reasons why people love the land where they grow up, and yes the Eskimo example is a bad one, and unfortunately took over the discussion.
The article would have gained focus if the author had spoken from her own experience or from someone in an interview rather than come up with the stereotyped scenario about imaginary Eskimos that live in a horrible place just because they’re used to it– it of course doesn’t work that way.
But it can be true that if you grow up poor and get rich you might feel like a traitor to your class. It can be true that if you grow up as a middle class person you might feel uncomfortable with too much money. It’s also true that “earning” and “making more money” isn’t always a better thing– and this is what I wish we could discuss without getting lost in language politics.
I mentioned Jerrold Mundis, he discusses underearning, only he does it much better, and that’s a gripping subject for those interested in personal finance.
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(and to continue):
I work in the arts, and the mythology of the “starving artist” has been a horribly damaging one for me. It’s taken a long time for me to learn that being an artist doesn’t require you to a) be constantly broke, b) wait for someone to give you money, c) have a day job because you can’t make money from art.
I grew up in a middle class family with rising prosperity, we made it to the upper middle classes, and the expectation was that I would grow up to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or an engineer, and have a “great career”.
When I rejected all that and chose to pursue my path, I was brainwashed to think that poverty was inevitable, and I embraced poverty like a kamikaze pilot. This caused me much pain and suffering over the years. Still, I persisted in trying to make a living as an artist but thinking simultaneously that I didn’t want/need/care about money.
For me it was a combination of being on the verge of bankruptcy, starting to learn about personal finance, and reading about economics that helped me turn things around.
Lately, Steven Pressfield’s “The War of Art” has been a great inspiration in never ever wanting to be broke again. And you know, breaking off with the stupid programming is well worth it.
And no, I don’t want lifestyle inflation, I just want to live like a grownup, and maybe return to the familiar prosperity of my idyllic childhood without having to work in a corporate office with a tie around my neck.
So yes, I do care about a lot about the subject– compulsive underearning is a plague that can’t be cured by frugality. You need to make enough money to save in the first place.
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#95 “El Nerdo”
I think the concept of the “starving artist” is a great illustraion. I also work in arts (dancing and writing) and I’ve often felt that if you strive to make good money on arts you somehow betray the concept of art. I grew up with the beliefs that art is a spiritual thing and you MUST NOT be materialistic about it – that if you want to make good money with art you take everything noble out of it.
I also know many people who work in arts and almost all of them feel the same way. I have even heard people talk about a certain art person “Ha! Don’t talk to me about THAT person; to her, it’s all about the money.”
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I agree that people generally get offended too easily on GRS (and in the world as a whole) and too often if they feel “attacked”, they will attack back, which puts out a bad tone.
I don’t like the term “narcissistic bias” as used here, though, because the entire article is written with the word “you” and asks the reader to think about their own individual life. It feels a little disingenuine and false to use a term that people are making it about themselves when the author invited it by penning the entire article in “you.” Using this type of pronoun usage can make the impact of an article stronger for the reader–for better and for worse. A reader will be more inclined to think critically about his or her life, but will also be more likely to take personal offense.
Perhaps, though, if this type of writing ruffles too many feathers, GRS can edit the articles or ask the guest writers to change the pronoun usage.
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I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head, Bella! I agree with you about questioning your circumstances and make sure what you’re doing is what you want. I think Rya made a good point there.
And chacha, I don’t think it’s narcissistic to be sensitive towards other people’s cultures and way of life. We’ve learned (and are still learning) the hard way in Canada — think residential schools, land disputes, poverty on reservations and issues of autonomy and identity.
I don’t think Rya’s comments were racist, just that she isn’t aware of these complex issues. (That’s okay. I know nothing about Roma in Bulgaria.) It’s risky to comment on a culture or way of life that’s removed from your own – something an editor should be careful to mitigate.
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This really is an editing failure more than anything else.
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You miss the point. The problem isn’t the use of the word “eskimo” it’s the idea that they live where they do, the way they do, because they are too ignorant or “afraid” to go elsewhere.
You might as well say people live in Chicago because they’re too stupid to go to Florida where the winters are mild.
It’s a bad example, it doesn’t make sense, it makes a whole (already oppressed) people out to be stupid, and it’s not the only thing in the article that generally makes no sense, so it’s not easy to overlook.
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I didn’t miss the point, I saw what the author was trying to say, I just think she did a poor job of it and it comes across wrong and people are piling it on.
Also, while I agree with her encouragement for people to earn more and not be afraid of success, I don’t agree with her stereotype of “savers” and “earners.” You can save and earn at the same time, they are not mutually exclusive behaviors–and someone who makes $10 million but spends $11 million is not an “earner”, but a fool.
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I couldn’t agree more, Sarah. It was an awkward example that portrays native people in a negative light. I understand the point she was trying to illustrate but this was not the way to do it. It’s incredibly othering and reduces “Eskimos” down to an overly simplistic trait- if you offered an Eskimo a warm place, they wouldn’t take it! CRAZY, huh? Which is also kind of a strange thing to say, anyway- why does choosing a cold climate over a “naturally” better warm climate say anything about being stuck in one’s ways? One of my friends is stationed in Hawaii and she cried over having to leave Alaska, and still misses it almost a year later after living in “paradise.”
I think it was clunky writing that should have been edited, and maybe it was an attempt at being funny. I in no way think the author is racist, just a bit insensitive and probably not thinking about her choice of example.
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I felt alot of what she is saying is true. It was very hard for our family to “downsize” our finances when my husband’s high earning job was gone and had to take a much lower income job(cut his income in half). It has felt like eating lobster but now eating mac and cheese. Not appealing at all. We stress everyday because bills only go up or stay the same, never less and have cut out everything we can.
We have a side business. I am a saver and I am scared of having a business but not for the reasons she says. I fear having to deal with filing business taxes(which are more complicated than personal taxes), track sales tax, keep all receipts of course more bills to run the business and if business isn’t good or can’t sustain the outgoing bills plus now a van repair we can’t afford to fix(no money can be made til van fixed), I am freaking out. But on the flip side, when you rely on the added income, it is hard to give up especially after all we have been through.
Another thing I don’t agree with is being afraid to make more money as a saver. Trust me I am not afraid to make more money. I work full time and have applied to several places for an additional part time job only to be rejected.
So although she had some great points, not all do I agree with.
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WHY DO YOU WRITE UNTRUE, GENERALIZED GARBAGE LIKE THIS??
You wrote: People who are good earners like to indulge themselves. They just plain hate words like “cutting back”, “save”, or “budget”.
WTF? Do you not know very many “good earners”? “Good earners” come in all shapes and sizes. There are good earners who spend every penny they earn and who are in debt, there are good earners who are wise with money and also indulge, and there are good earners who are so frugal you’d think they were poor.
No matter how much my grandma had earned, she would never think to have increased her spending or to “splurge.” This came from being content with the basics, and from being an immigrant from a poor country.
My spending changed very little when I moved to earning a salary well into the 6 figures. I’d much rather have a big savings account and more freedom in the future than indulge myself in the present. And I didn’t need a whole lot more to get by and be happy. I understand that a fancier car or a spa treatment isn’t the source of happiness.
Remember Sam Walton, the billionaire and founder of Walmart? He barely spent any money and didn’t indulge himself.
The world is full of millionaires who flash their money and millionaires who you’d never guess were rich because they live on a budget and are very frugal.
Why is GRS publishing this nonsense psycho-babble and why isn’t it at least edited more closely to ensure it’s not making absurd assertions?
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Speaking as someone who was actually able to jump income brackets. I would have to say the writer is correct. Even though I am able to make a lot more money than most of my friends and family, I feel really guilty about it. Because lets be honest, people working minimum wage are working a lot harder than me in my office, but thankfully not a lot of people can do what I do.
My family has some lifestyle creep with the extra income, but mostly we are able to save a whole lot. We can save 40% of our income and still go on vacations, eat out, etc.
Work smart not hard is my motto.
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I’m a little bit put off by this article. I think the general tone sounds condescending, sort of like, “Hello, McFly?!” type of tone.
I think the article has too many generalizations too, like stating “People who are good earners like to indulge themselves.” Can the author at least cite some links or resources to this statement?
Perhaps a better way to phrase the article is to simply state that maybe a person’s upbringing, particularly if it was one of saving, can determine whether you prefer saving over earning money.
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“they are not afraid to take more money if offered it by their boss. But they are afraid to make more money by starting a side income or a side business. (I should know, I’ve been there.)”
But of course I am afraid!
In both cases I will have to take more responsibilities and have less time available.
Why shouldn’t be afraid of that?
You can call it fear, I call it ego. My ego may say I can get more money, but my heart tells me that I am just fine and healthy without more.
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Rya, from the comments, it is sad that there are so many that are hostile towards you.
I am sure that those responding know nothing about Bulgarian’s, the various ethnic groups and your customs. They would have made the same comments regardless of what ethnic comment you may have made.
I am a Red Man, Indian, American Indian or Native American; whatever people chose to refer to me as. How much do they understand our customs and living on a reservation.
Thank you for writing you article.
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Hi Brian,
Thank you for your kindness
I was honestly dumbfounded by the reactions regarding the Eskimo reference. I just could not understand why it was qualified as “racism”.
Then I read in further comments that apparently the proper word was “Inuit”. Alright, note taken
I guess people from other countries are very sensitive to cultural/ethnic references. Another note taken
But I still don’t understand completely the fuss about the Eskimo reference and why it was deemed “racist”. Maybe that’s because we never really had big issues with racism in Bulgaria. There never was a time here when someone couldn’t use the bus or wasn’t allowed in the cinema or wasn’t allowed to vote due to their ethnicity.
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I’m sorry, but to say that no one is a victim of racism in Bulgaria is not true. No country or culture is immune to racism. There are many stories of African immigrants being treated terribly in Bulgaria (85% of them report abuse and or violence against themselves due to their face. This organization keeps tabs on the oppression of various people in different countries and there is an overview of Bulgaria-
http://www.workingagainstracism.org/bulgaria_overview_01.html There is also an issue of skinheads, and this man shares his story- http://birn.eu.com/en/93/10/3617/
There was the widely publicized issue of Bulgarian fans chanting racist insults at England’s soccer team, as well as long standing racial tensions toward the Roma.
I don’t think your Eskimo comment was racist, it was an innocent mistake (I would have no idea how to refer to native peoples of other countries either!) and I don’t think you deserved to be called racist. However, it does trouble me that you seem to think that people in other countries being sensitive to race is foreign to your own experience, or unnecessary in Bulgaria. Racial sensitivity is needed everywhere, and it is a fallacy to try and say “oh, we don’t have that problem here.” I can guarantee you, you talk to some marginalized people and they will tell you all about the problems you think don’t exist.
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“Even when it doesn’t get to the point of violence, a display of racism and suspicion from all sides is almost a daily occurrence,” journalist Denitsa Kamenova noted in a 2005 academic article on the African community in Bulgaria.
Kamenova noted characteristic “looks of disgust in public transportation (obviously the vicious association ‘black = unclean’), refusal of service in stores or of a ride in a taxi, and the apparently innocent, yet insulting assertion, that all ‘blacks’ look alike and cannot be told apart”.
Nasredin Rabi Abdu laughs off some of his more comic experiences, like the time he was invited to an acquaintance’s hometown to be shown off to friends. They rubbed his arm to see if the “paint” would come off.
Other incidents aren’t so comical. He has been slapped in the face and had ice thrown at him in a club for no known reason apart from his skin.
In its 2006 report on the rights of migrants in Bulgaria, the Bulgarian Helsinki Committee noted: “There is almost no black immigrant who hasn’t been a victim of physical violence or verbal harassment during his stay in Bulgaria”.”
Again, maybe you want to rethink your statement about how Bulgaria simply doesn’t have the same racially insensitive past as other countries…
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Hi Cortney,
I appreciate your effort on exploring the subject of whether or not there is racism in Bulgaria. I read the links you posted, but I have to say they hardly make a case. There will always be people, in any given country, who would be mean and would love to pick on ANYTHING to attack a certain person verbally or physically.
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Rya, your reply has me dumbfounded. You misinterpreted my intent in providing those links. Any heterogeneous society is going to have issues with racism, full stop- I was not providing links to prove my point but rather to ask you why you ignore such issues in your own country by saying Bulgaria doesn’t have problems with racism. My frustration is with your blithe hand waving aside of the fact that Bulgaria (like any other country) has issues with racism. Your saying you don’t doesn’t make it go away and is incredibly ignorant and oppressive to marginalized people. You have an amazing amount of unexamined privilege if you are truly going to stand by a position of “we don’t have that propblem here in Bulgaria.” You are not somehow immune to it, and you specifically have a huge issue with virtually 100% of black immigrants experiencing violence, abuse, and oppression- and this is information from a Bulgarian organization.
It deeply troubles me that you seem to be one of those people who believe that people are “too sensitive” about race and “we don’t have those problems here.” It reminds me of people in America who say “if we just stop making a big deal out of race, we won’t have a race problem!” which is absurd- I mean, if I just never say “cancer” does that mean cancer goes away? You can’t just not believe in something and make it go away. Again, talk to some marginalized people in your country- you’ll find them, I promise, even though you claim they don’t exist- and they will educate you on all the problems you say don’t exist.
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Hey Courtney,
I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to this. I have a certain view regarding the matter and you have a different view. Even if we suppose that you are right and I’m wrong, then what of it?
I understand what you’re saying and I guess I partly understand where you’re coming from; but I still disagree. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree
As for the rest of the commenters, they are of course free to explore the subject and make their own minds. I have voiced my personal opinion, and to me that’s enough. I don’t find it worthwhile to pursue convincing others. I’m not sure a comments section under a money post is the best place for it, anyway
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I really liked this article. What I find most ironic is that you can see this bias in the comments – most everyone commenting associates making more money with having less time, which means spending less time with friends and family. Therefore, people who make more money don’t care about their friends and family. People would rather have free time. Somehow this turns into “I’m a better person for just being content with what I have instead of being a greedy person who makes more money.”
I find this interesting because of my personal situation. I have roughly the same job in the same industry that I’ve had for the last 10 years. I’ve learned enough about working smarter, not harder that instead of putting in 50-55 hour weeks and making $27K, I’m working closer to 35 hour weeks and making almost twice that. Same thing for my husband. He works fewer hours since he’s learned better and faster ways to do things, and now makes twice what he made 10 years ago. And we have more time to spend with our family.
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The article explicitly associates
a) Having more money with starting a side business (which does take more time)
b) Not having more money with being AFRAID of having more money.
I think that is what people are taking issue with.
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Thing is, I think that OFTEN (though not always) higher wages do come from working more hours. There are people who do make high salaries working less than full time, and those who make low salaries and work significantly more than 40 hours a week (in those cases, they are probably just trying to support their families or get ahead). But most high-salary positions come with expectations that you’ll put in more than 40 hours a week, whether or not that is fair or you are actually any more productive putting in more than 40 hours a week. It seems to be corporate expectations these days.
I also don’t think you need to read in “I’m a better person for making less and putting in more time with my family.” I don’t know why a person is working more. Are they doing it so that their spouse can stay home with the kids? As long as their spouse and kids don’t feel neglected, that’s great! Are they earning scads and giving away scads? Hey, that’s wonderful! Are they dedicating hours and hours to make the world a better place through some scientific discovery or a painting a masterpiece? That’s marvelous! I felt like I needed to make more time for my family, but I’m not you. Yes, there are some people who need to scale back and focus on other things, but not everyone does. There are also people who could stand to spend more time working. If my choice is working more hours (and earning more) or hanging out in front of the TV, I think I should be working more!
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I’m from Alaska and happily married to a full blooded Eskimo (Inupiat) and I can assure you comparing financial saving to an Eskimo wanting to live in a warm climate, is the most ridiculous comparison I’ve ever heard. And yes it is racist, and reminds me of the stories she tells me of the 1950s, when they were compared to dogs, and not allowed to go into shops in downtown Anchorage. She also tells me about going on a date with a Serviceman to a movie and not being able to go inside because she was Eskimo. So you tell me this isn’t racist and that is a comparison you can take to the bank.
Not every human being is attempting to find happyness in getting more. This article reminds me of “get all you can and can all you get. I will be unsubscribing.
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Wow, brother, I feel your pain, and what your wife went through is terrible, but honestly, I fail to see how a silly generalization like “Eskimos love their North Pole” is the same as comparing someone to a dog or denying them the same rights as other human being. It’s stereotyped, yes, and it’s ignorant and annoying, but it’s not the same thing at all, though I can’t deny that it might feel the same.
Maybe it’s the historical trauma that can make us overreact and evoke the centuries of pain at the smallest thing, and this is why more care should be used with language, but there is nothing said here that denies the humanity of another, and I know you’re probably not in the mood to hear that right now, but it’s the truth, and I hope you can see that eventually and forgive the offense.
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The issue with the “Eskimo” example isn’t that the author said “Eskimo” instead of “Yupik/Inupiat/Inuit” or that we’re all overreacting, it’s that it’s either an ineffective or a disrespectful comparison, so either way it doesn’t support the point of the article.
It’s comparing something we all agree on (all things being equal, it is worth pursuing financial security) with something that many of us disagree with (that people living in the Arctic only do that because they have no other option/are too scared to move somewhere “better”).
Yes, there are lots of people in Arctic North America getting hung up on this, but maybe we just think the world would be a better place if more people understood that Alaska Native/CA First Nations people have a culture worth respecting, and that Alaska or Northern Canada isn’t just a spot on the map that says “here there be Eskimos”.
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Your words: “a silly generalization”, “stereotyped,” “ignorant,” and “annoying.”
But you continue to argue that people shouldn’t be offended?
Just because something doesn’t push your personal buttons doesn’t give you the right to dismiss its importance. Many readers were offended – legitimately, based on your own words – and some were offended on a very personal level.
Get out of here with your “it’s just a joke!” rationalizations. That stopped being a valid excuse long ago.
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who doesn’t want to be rich? i don’t. i want to have enough. and i do have enough, so why bother earning more? now, earning more money for the time i put in? that’s different, because i would love to have more time, but don’t want to trade that for less money.
i think some of the ideas here are applicable and good, but i think the “everybody always wants to be rich” framework is a turn-off. especially for savers like myself – often we are savers *because* we don’t value money for more than necessities (which can mean a lot of things, of course).
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I disagree. As many have stated, sometimes exposure has the opposite affect: it is very Scarlett O’Hara to exclaim “I’ll never be hungry again!” but there are as many from deep & long, affluent backgrounds that do not like what constant monetary awareness in oneself and others does to people, or how it affects how one views people on the poorer end of the scale and therefore, do not subscribe to the mindset…we are the children our parents never talk about. Call it rebellion if you like; I prefer common sense compassion.
And then there is my personal, political reason for “not wanting to earn/own more” that anyone in a post communist society should understand: I don’t want to own anything our 21st c. government eyes lustfully.
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poorly used generalities + confused ramble about paradigms = looking forward to tomorrow’s article
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I”m not afraid to earn more, I am afraid of more responsibility. So, I stay in a job that is dead -end, boring, and low pay that I loathe.
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Fear of making more money is a symptom of low self-esteem. Most of the money manuals I read say you have to fall in love with money (in a good way) to have more of it in your life. Money is not evil; money is not greedy but mankind has made it so. I love money but I do not try and take it if its not given with a good heart. I respect money but I respect myself more.
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I am firmly in the saver camp, while my husband is more of an earner according to this article. However, our backgrounds are almost flipped from what was described.
I grew up in a modest middle class home and grew up thinking that luxuries were silly indulgences. My parents made plenty of money, but were the “Millionaire Next Door” type, and I grew up saving all my money for college.
My husband grew up in a family that was always getting by, but was lower middle class. They put more emphasis on making more money to live a luxurious lifestyle. He grew up saving for a car, while dreaming of the nicer cars that have come along.
Today, I have little desire to pursue promotions, since I’m already saving over 50% of my salary, and I won’t spend any extra money on myself. My husband, however, is more interested in climbing the corporate ladder for prestige and money both. He always is looking for a new car or gadget.
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My struggles are in believing in myself enough to believe I can earn more.
Its hard pushing past this hurdle.
Believing that I deserve as much as everyone else instead of less is another struggle.
The lack of self confidence in believing everyone else is smarter than me when test scores and grades prove otherwise.
Pushing past being scared to go after my dreams even though they should be goals.
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I felt the same way before. I felt that i was not worthy to receive more. But again blessings are abundant, overflowing and limitless. There is always enough amd even more for everyone.
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I don’t think this is something I struggle with. Plus, Eskimos have some of the best skiing and they get to see killer whales and polar bears.
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I don’t think I agree with this article.
I grew up in a home where my parents made pretty good money, we also had very nice vacations, and other toys growing up. My parents were also savers, never went into debt, not even once.
They taught me that you can have nice things without overspending. I think you can be both a saver, and spend on luxuries, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The way to do both is to actually get a good paying career.
Which is why I’m in college.
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My experience is the ones that make the most get fired the quickest during a downturn.
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This article really touched some sensitive spots for me. I appreciate Rya’s observations very much. I’ve lived all my life wishing I had more money and never having/earning much, and wondering why things just never seem to ‘work’ for me. The idea that there is an emotional component to it strikes home. I do have a lot of feelings and judgments about money being a dangerous or perhaps corrupting thing, and memories of positive experiences amongst people who had little money but managed to create a sense of abundance despite it. So I do tend to cringe away from ‘having’ more, even though I do wish for it at the same time. I did feel that the Eskimo analogy and some of the other statements were a little over-simplistic, but for me that didn’t take away from the general worth of the article and its main points. The author is not only writing for an audience that is culturally different to her, but presumably she’s writing in language that is not her native tongue. I know when I speak in a language that isn’t my own, I tend to express myself much more simply and in a less sophisticated way than I would like to. Knowing that in myself, I guess I just automatically made that allowance for this writer.
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Hi Violet,
Thank you for your kind words!
The whole point was to help people realize that sometimes there are inherent associations about money that we don’t even fully realize and that sometimes those associations might be holding us back from a financially better life.
I am NOT suggesting that once we are aware of that we go all crazy about earning more. I just wish that when we make a choice, we are well informed and we realize all the why-s behind it.
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I have always looked for jobs that paid me the most for the least amount of time. It’s not about making the most in the most amount of time. It’s about making the most in the least amount of time!
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An article for me. Whoa. I’m that middle-class kid with the good talent and an IT job now, but the big money still eludes me, often by my own making. Working on the psychology already but it takes time.
One way I could improve my mindset was to start lending money to friends in need, and giving more to charity. I need to see the positive sides of having a lot of money to be able to allow it into my life.
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I’m not afraid to make more money, but I am worried about lifestyle escalation. I would be worried that if I made more money, I would buy a bigger house and better cars, thus having more payments. Then if I lost my job, how could I get by? It seems to be that if you make less money you have less to lose.
I recently changed positions at work, which resulted in a very large raise. Right now I’m using all of the extra money to pay down debt, build up an emergency fund, and purchase some long-needed high dollar items we’ve been putting off (such as new glasses!). Even once my debt is paid off, I plan to use the difference to put into retirement and savings. After all, we got by on what we made before the raise, so I can continue to live on that….and that way if for some reason I lose my job my income will be easier to replace.
I’ve seen people with high incomes lose their jobs, and it’s not pretty, especially if they were living beyond their income. I don’t ever want to go there, so I think I will always be frugal and a saver no matter how much I make.
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I found the point of this blog interesting because this is what Suze Orman emphasized a lot early in her career. She taught that people acquire messages about money early in their childhoods, and that those messages can help or hinder us as adults.
I am more of a saver than an earner. When I was growing up my parents (who earned an above-average income) were always saying that we couldn’t afford things. Second, if I asked for something, they would point out kids who lived in poverty and tell me that I was being ungrateful and selfish for wanting something. Third, I was told not to get a part-time job as a teenager because I wouldn’t be able to maintain good grades. Last, I was encouraged to get a steady job with benefits such as being a teacher.
Those messages instilled a savings mindset much more than a money-pursuing mindset in me, and those childhood messages are difficult to overcome as an adult.
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Hi CERB,
I really liked your comment. It’s absolutely spot-on.
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I don’t think most Americans are “afraid” of making more money. They’re unable to because of a shrinking middle class, stagnant wages, and perhaps lack of access to education or other matters, or time constraints. I do think people are afraid of (perhaps “resistant to” is a better term) scaling back their lifestyle.
I’m a teacher. I made a comfortable middle class living, and I’m often asked why I don’t take on a summer job during my “free time” (during the summers when I’m not completing work for my master’s or certification, I guess). I never will.
I live within my means, and work my TAIL off during the school year, generally getting about six hours of sleep a night and working on Sundays to make sure that I am taking care of my duties as a teacher, club advisor, partner in my relationship, dog owner (laugh, but two twenty minute walks a day are no joke!), sister to a brother with some mental troubles who depends heavily upon his family, and fitting in some exercise to keep my sanity. I have no free time during the year, so my “time off” is for me to keep from burning out (as well as fit in some volunteering at the library and animal shelter). I imagine many adults in full-time positions are in the same place.
I suppose some people have extra time after their 9-5 (though I know of nobody in a full-time, salaried position who only works those hours!) to take on a part-time job. I’d rather focus on having downtime and downsizing my needs, rather than taking on more work and stress. Isn’t it all about people over things? When I lived in France, I don’t remember hearing of a single person who worked a part-time job in addition to their full-time job, aside from taking on an hour or two of freelancing positions. Trust me, they know how to live
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