For the next week (or two), we’ll be sharing “audition” pieces from folks interested in being new staff writers at Get Rich Slowly. Your job is to let us know what you think of each of these writers. Pay attention, give feedback, and after a couple of weeks we’ll ask which writers you prefer. This article is from Honey Smith, who says she’s at the beginning of her debt-reduction journey.
How much should you spend on a wedding? Well, that depends on who you’re asking, I suppose. As I’m sure most of you are aware, the personal finance blogosphere tends to be divided into two main camps: those that are focused on investments and entrepreneurship and those that are focused on frugality.
In my experience, however, the entrepreneurship camp is pretty live-and-let-live. The whole “cut everything you don’t care about so you can spend whatever you’d like on the things you do care about” school of thought. When you think about it, this makes sense for a few reasons.
- We all have different skill sets to be utilized in our respective side hustles.
- Different skills mean different pricing schemes.
- We all have different work and family situations that we’re fitting said side hustles in around.
- We all care about spending our money on different things, and those things cost different amounts and reflect our tastes and values.
Long story short, what this means is that sometimes it’s difficult to talk about investment and entrepreneurial issues in a way that applies to everyone.
- Scenario 1: Someone who just graduated from college, hasn’t been able to find a job yet, and doesn’t have much work experience or professional contacts who is moving out of the dorms and trying to get a lease on an apartment.
- Scenario 2: someone who has been in a stable job in their field for fifteen years and wants to start building up their side hustle so they can leave their nine to five and spend more time working from home now that their second child is on the way and their home is halfway paid off.
How do you give the meaningful advice to both folks at the same time? Not an easy task.
However, if I post a recipe for how to make your own laundry detergent and tell you it only takes 20 minutes to make a six-month supply, well — there’s no reason everyone can’t take advantage of that, right? As a result, frugalistas tend to be a little more “one size fits all” and, dare I say it, judgmental (in lots of blog communities, anyway, though blessedly less so at GRS).
What does all this have to do with my wedding? While my husband and I spent significantly less than the national average of $27,000, we did end up clocking in at what was — for me, anyway — a nearly heart-stopping $11,400.
However, there’s more to this type of spending than pure number-crunching; psychology and social expectations play a huge role, and those who argue that those factors shouldn’t play a part are in need of a serious reality check.
Expectations v. Reality
Contrary to stereotype, my idea of a wedding was eloping and sending out postcards to our holiday card list afterward telling people it happened. After all, we not only have school and consumer debt we’re trying to pay off (more on that in another post), but we’ve been together for six years and living together for four of those years. In my eyes, it was a formality that didn’t require a huge expense.
My fiancé, on the other hand, wanted the whole shebang: ceremony in a church (which I did manage to talk him out of — barely — by pointing out that we’re atheists) and formal reception with a hundred and fifty guests. He’d literally been dreaming of his wedding day his entire life and had never once envisioned it without all the bells and whistles. I can’t emphasize this enough; He wanted a black-tie affair and a string quartet, and that’s just for starters.
After pointing out a few salient points, like:
- I hadn’t paid off over $10,000 in credit card debt just to rack it all up again, especially when my salary is only $40,000 per year.
- He had just quit his extremely lucrative job at a mid-size law firm where he was well on his way to partner for a far more uncertain future starting his own firm with a friend who isn’t exactly renowned for his work ethic.
- Our parents were in no position to contribute to the costs: we were completely on our own as far as paying for the wedding.
He agreed with me that there was no way we could pull off a traditional wedding and honeymoon on our own. At first we didn’t think this was going to be a big deal; after all, surely there were less-expensive packages offered by wedding vendors, right? We priced five vendors and, much to our surprise, struggled to find a single one that could provide us for a quote under $20,000. Which didn’t even include the honeymoon. Gulp. Enter compromise. But where would we even start?
However, over the course of many conversations, priorities began to emerge.
First, neither of us are huge DIY-ers, meaning we weren’t going to sit around for hours making invitations and table centerpieces from scratch. Second, having a formal event was non-negotiable; a pot-luck in the park wasn’t going to cut it. Third, the event itself could be small, as long as all our friends and family were invited. Fourth, we weren’t willing to forgo a honeymoon in favor of the ceremony. And finally, we wanted to go on a cruise for our honeymoon.
The Epiphany
Score! I don’t even know where he came across it since it’s not on the cruise company’s main page, but somewhere in the endless Google searches my husband found what ended up being our solution: having the wedding itself on the cruise ship! While it sounds deliciously decadent, shockingly it ended up our most affordable option.
Here’s a rough cost breakdown:
- Ceremony and Reception: $2000 for up to 20 guests, $30/each thereafter. We ended up paying about $250 for going over the limit, so $2250 total. The reception was an open bar and included a selection of 10 appetizers.
- DJ: $100. We provided the CDs with music, he was just the host.
- Flowers: $100. Basic bouquets.
- Bride’s apparel: $600. I bought a sample dress for $110 and had it tailored. This amount also includes my accessories.
- Groom’s apparel: $200, tuxedo rental. Though pricey, a tux was one of his non-negotiables and going through the cruise company was cheaper than having to rent a tux for the entire week of the cruise.
- Rings: $300 each, $600 total. My ring is white gold with CZ accent stones and his is white gold. We bought mine off a costume jewelry website and his off Amazon.
- “Rehearsal” dinner: $400. There wasn’t actually a rehearsal since the boat docked the morning of the ceremony, but we took our friends and family out for deep-fried seafood the night before we set sail.
- Invitations: $500. Note: This is probably the expense I regret the most. Due to a pretty significant miscommunication, we waited until the last minute humanly possible to get invitations sorted out, and we paid for it. Ugh.
- Postage: $100. Note: Don’t forget to account for this expense! We had to buy 65-cent stamps for the invitations and then you have to also stamp the RSVP cards. Originally the plan was to do RSVP postcards to save a bit, but since we needed full legal names and birth dates with the RSVPs to comply with cruise ship regulations, this didn’t end up being feasible.
- Wedding website: $100. This was for one year of hosting service, which is about how far in advance you want to start notifying people of a cruise wedding anyway.
- Bridesmaid’s gifts: $300. I bought their jewelry for the wedding as well as took them out to a fancy brunch, since they planned the bridal shower in my state and a bachelorette party in the state where the wedding was held, despite the fact that neither of them lived in either of those states.
- Favors: $150. This one was almost a fight, too, since the favors he wanted were really expensive. However, since we had fewer than 30 people attending when all was said and done, we could spring for this.
- Photographs: $1000. Note: this seemed expensive to me, but apparently a professional wedding photographer usually runs $3000 or more. Our photographer was actually included in the cost of the wedding, so the $1000 is only for the prints we purchased and digital copies of those prints. He also turned them around in THREE DAYS, which is apparently unheard of in “normal” wedding photography circles. And everyone agrees that they’re stunning.
- Flights, hotel, and other transportation: $1500. We live in Arizona and the cruise departed from Florida, so we would have spent this regardless. It’s also worth noting that my friends and family all are from Florida and having the wedding there was the only way a lot of them could afford to come. Additionally, we ended up having to pay the overweight luggage fees because we weren’t willing to pack light for our own wedding.
- Cruise: $2200. This was a seven-day western Caribbean cruise with four ports of call. We also stayed in one of the nicest cabins on the ship – we had a living area, plenty of closet space, and a balcony.
- Spending while on cruise: $1300. This included excursions like snorkeling with sting rays, zip lining in Belize, tubing through ancient Mayan caves, alcoholic beverages while on the cruise, and all gratuities.
Total: $11,400
Since the wedding actually happened while the ship was in its home port, guests could attend even if they weren’t coming on the cruise. Since they weren’t obligated to cruise with us, and most of the guests would have had to travel to us even if we’d gotten married in our home state, the wedding was no more or less a burden to attend than it would have been otherwise. And four of our friends did end up joining us on the cruise, which ended up being even more fun than a honeymoon alone!
The Aftershocks Afterglow
We managed to pay for about half of these costs prior to the wedding, and ended up with credit card balances of approximately $5000 that still need to be paid off, or about $2500 apiece (we haven’t combined finances yet). However, it’s also worth noting that I fully paid off my last remaining $2500 in credit card debt during the year prior to the wedding. On the surface my balance hasn’t changed, but this means I know I can pay off my share of wedding debt within a year, since I’ve basically done it before.
While I will admit that I started off resenting every penny and every minute of my time I spent on the experience (remember, I wanted to elope), I had an amazing time and appreciated the opportunity to reconnect with family and friends a lot more than I thought I would. And while he started off resenting that we weren’t taking advantage of every upgrade available, after everything was said and done he agreed that everyone considered every aspect of our wedding to be very classy, indeed.
What Do You Think?
Are we heroes to be commended for spending less than half the national average? Complete and total fools duped by consumerism and the wedding racket into spending way more than we should have? Have you ever had an experience with a romantic partner where initial opinions differed so radically on an issue of such significance? If so, how did you resolve it?
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I just can’t imagine buying anything ever on a credit card and paying interest. At least use a balance transfer and open up a zero interest credit card. Or open up a new card in advance with a teaser zero percent and then charge the cruise on that.
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A point to add:
Honey isn’t in the debt reduction phase; she’s still in the debt addition phase.
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I think it’s an odd idea that the two never happen simultaneously. I think there’s a lot of people who pay off lots of debt while still using credit cards. Or people who’s balances fluctuate upwards slightly during an overall trend down.
Isn’t the basis of the GRS philosophy that it’s personal? So why the need to define for somewhere else whether they can count paying off $10k as debt reduction or not since they put $5k back on?
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“Honey isn’t in the debt reduction phase; she’s still in the debt addition phase.”
Disagree, very strongly. To read GRS, one would think that anyone who is paying off debt NEVER has a backslide or has an unusual expense that adds to it. That’s like saying someone isn’t actually dieting if they have one day (one) where they eat a 1,000 calorie meal. If Honey were going out and charging brand new furniture for her home, then yeah, I’d agree with you. But she used some debt to cover an important, one-time expense that had already been reduced through frugality and for which she lacked the cash.
Is debt reduction really a process in which no one ever has setbacks, never has a situation that increased their debt, and always goes linearly down? In my case, we just discovered the porch roof is leaking and mold is growing in the ceiling and wall. All the DIY we’re capable of doing is done, and now we need the professionals. It will cost more than I’ve been able to save thus far. Am I no longer working on debt reduction since we’ll have to take out a loan to cover the cost that will go beyond our baby emergency fund and house repair fund? Or would I find a magic way to do the work myself (without knowledge, tools, experience, or friends/family who have these things) or live with it till I saved the money up if I were “serious”? If that’s so, then technically I’m no longer working towards debt reduction overall and financial independence. I refuse to believe that.
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Either you’re adding debt or you’re removing debt. Your net worth is getting more negative or it’s getting more positive. Just because you pay off one credit card bill and put money on another credit card doesn’t mean you’re doing both. If you pay off more than you’re adding, that’s removing debt, doing the opposite means you’re adding it.
Reading about someone in the removal stage is interesting. Reading about someone who is adding to already substantial debt is at best uninteresting and at worst frustrating. No matter how exciting their purchases and their life-choices are… it’s not hard to spend more than you earn if you have access to credit, but that doesn’t make it a good idea. And it certainly doesn’t put one on the path to getting rich. At some point either someone else is on the hook for the money (because of bankruptcy, settlements etc.) or it has to be paid off… and it’s harder to pay off the larger that debt is.
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It’s not that I disagree with you about adding to or removing debt; it’s that I dislike the stance that if one incurs debt for ANY reason, suddenly one is no longer on a mission to reduce debt. It’s such an all-or-nothing attitude, and it basically says, “If you can’t PERFECTLY, never, ever, ever incur any kind of debt again, then you’re not really trying to become debt-free (and you’re a loser).”
I really do get it that you can’t incur debt and become debt-free in the long run. But I can’t honestly believe that if you don’t do it perfectly, you’re toast.
When I read stories about How I Became Debt-Free By Never Once Ever Incurring Another Cent of Debt (and Was Lucky That I Never Had a Financial Crisis I Couldn’t Handle Through My Large Income That Allowed Me to Save Substantially and/or My Frugal Living Where Everyone in My Family Was On Board, AKA, Life Didn’t Get In My Way), that is at best uninteresting and at worst frustrating to me.
Honey may have incurred some debt for her wedding, but she took real steps to reduce the amount she would have to incur. That shows me that I can have a rare instance of incurring debt for a good reason and still overall be working on debt reduction – that it isn’t all or nothing all the time – that you don’t let one instance brand you a failure so chuck it all. That will keep me going, not a demand for a perfection I can’t attain.
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I dunno, that argument sounds suspiciously to me like the one that people make about buying expensive things they can’t afford because they’re “on sale” and they’ve saved so much.
It’s all about anchoring… if you start out with 27K, then 11K seems small. It seems really small if you’re already at much more than 200K in debt. That doesn’t mean 11K additional debt is actually small.
I don’t really care about the writer’s particular choices and priorities, but if she’s continuing to add to her debt, I don’t particularly want to read about it. (Exceptions would be truly serious situations, such as visiting a dying relative, medical debt, other things beyond one’s control that are actually important. Having an 11K wedding rather than a 2K wedding or 27K wedding… not actually important, or if it is, one should be able to make sacrifices to come up with the additional money rather than having to have things now now now.) Much more interesting would be how to come up with the 11K you don’t have so you can have your compromise dream wedding without hurting your marital future. Alternatively, how do you combine credit card spending with the plan for payoff? That’s kind of what being a responsible grown-up is about.
The first chapter in Laura Vanderkam’s new book does a really great job of laying out the trade-offs a couple makes when they go into debt for the one day or for the engagement ring. What important things are they sacrificing that could ease their married home life if they buy a wedding they can’t actually afford. http://www.amazon.com/All-Money-World-Happiest-Spending/dp/1591844576 It’s worth a read.
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Nicole,
You wrote “I don’t really care about the writer’s particular choices and priorities, but if she’s continuing to add to her debt, I don’t particularly want to read about it. (Exceptions would be truly serious situations, such as visiting a dying relative, medical debt, other things beyond one’s control that are actually important.”
What I’m hearing is “since it’s not important to me, and taking my husband’s dreams into consideration are not in my plan, no one should ever have different priorities or follow a different path than me.”
Personally, 90% of the articles on this site do not directly apply to me, but I still find them interesting to read. Variety is the spice of life. I can’t imagine a life where everyone follows the exact same path (even if they want the same end).
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Diana– do you *really* think that paying for an expensive fancy wedding on plastic is the same as going into debt to visit a dying parent? Or that a person has a choice when they’re having a heart attack about whether or not to let the ambulance take them to the hospital? Weddings can be delayed or downsized. True emergencies cannot.
Seriously? Compromising with a spouse who is in huge debt, isn’t making enough to fund it, and has champagne tastes he can’t afford in no way constitutes an emergency (and if it does, then that bodes ill for marital bliss). Compromise is overrated when it means potentially a long-term path to financial ruin. (Which may happen if they keep compromising by buying things they can’t afford just because he wants something even more expensive! Think of all the money we save by buying the 500K condo instead of the 1.875M house he wanted! It’s a bargain, especially since we were able to put only 3.5% down! By going to Greece instead of England for vacation! We only had to put 3K on the cc rather than 10K!)
Obviously we want an emergency fund that we can use should we have an actual emergency, which is another good reason not to spend on elaborate wants until we can actually *afford* them. I could very easily drop 11K on whatever I wanted right now (want or need) without it making much of a dent in my finances, but that’s because I made choices that meant I wasn’t wasting huge amounts of money on interest payments buying things I couldn’t afford. Like someone said in a previous comment, by not having champagne tastes when one has a beer budget, one can afford champagne later.
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I really like Honey’s writing style, her focus on the big-picture, and compromise between spouses. I’d like to hear more from her, I hope she does well in the audition!
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I think one of the commentators sums up perfectly that the notion to have extravagant weddings as ‘normal’ with this quote:” …and people will remember that day forever”
Isn’t it just the two of you getting married, a day that YOU and your partner will remember, or you are planning your wedding to be spectacle for others? Granted that friends and family members are crucial to share this important moment in your life, but to make it happen as a day that the GUESTS dodn’t forget is, pretty much, pointless.
The median household income in the US for 2011 was $51,413 (http://www.usatoday.com/money/economy/story/2012-02-09/income-rising/53033322/1). To spend around 53% of that (the $27,000) on a wedding – specially when you a) Already have debt b) Cannot afford to pay cash, and not add on your debt – is absolutely mind numbing.
The $27,000 national average is, I think, bloated by the outrageous celebrity and/or ultra-rich weddings, but people seem to believe that everyone is entitled to such lavish affairs.
An affordable house, an affordable car, student loan and emergencies (life threatening ones, not the ones that you need to spend on weddings) – these should be the only acceptable situations where anyone can even contemplate taking out a loan or a debt, and paying interest on that debt.
For everything else, if you cannot afford it, save up and wait till you can afford it!
On a personal note, when my wife and I got married 4 years ago, we were making over $100K a year, combined. We spend $8K on our wedding, with around 100 people attending, with great food and drinks provided. We also closed on our home 2 days after our wedding, with a substantial down payment.
Isn’t saving for your home more important than spending money on one single day of your life? Apparently not, for a lot of people. But what the heck, to each their own!
As to the article itself, I would say it is a very well written piece. The writer packs it with very specific numbers (which adds up in the end – yeah I added them up to make sure!) that you get a very clear idea about the spending categories. She makes sure that the history and the any information pertinent to the topic is laid out. The style is very readable.
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I believe that often-quoted national wedding average is misleading – but mostly due to regional differences. In a big city, $27,000 buys a nice but no-frills wedding – in a rural or small town it would buy you quite an extravagant affair. There is simply no comparison.
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It’s amazing how many men are to “blame” for having a wedding at all. My husband is an only child and only grandchild on one side, so a wedding was eminent for him and obsolete for me (I have been in and attended enough weddings for my lifetime). We had a wedding for his grandparents to attend and they didn’t. even. come. There are days I’m ok with having a wedding and days I regret doing it because it was so much money (from MY parents! his parents didn’t help at all!!) and because I didn’t really enjoy the day. We ended up spending $20k on a wedding in downtown Chicago, so I consider that a partial win.
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I had a wedding & reception for 100 guests on a $6000 budget. Our goal for our budget was to not go into debt for our wedding. The $6000 was mostly our own money we saved plus contributions from family members (some in lieu of a wedding gift) This included renting a nice hall, serving fancy hor’douvres (note we did not serve dinner, it was a late evening “cocktail hour” wedding), beer & wine for all, music, dancing, photos, etc.
Some things we had to pay full price for, but my budget was saved by: having a friend do the photography for $200. having a friend DJ for $100. having a friend do the flowers (bouquets) at cost. providing only wine & beer and having a cash bar if people wanted mixed drinks. I bought my dress (an ivory and gold brocade cocktail dress) at a department store on clearance for $25 and had it tailored for an extra $35. My bridesmaids and I made almost all the table decorations. Other things I bought online in bulk for a discount.
We took a 5 day trip to New York City for our honeymoon. We did not go into debt for this either- we “registered” for honeymoon contributions for wedding gifts, which several people gave us. Also we got some cash for gifts and we used that for our honeymoon as well.
I think the national average is RIDICULOUS and no matter what the average is, I don’t think anyone should pay more for a wedding than they have on hand. It’s insane to start out your married life by going more in debt.
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This does not make sense to me:
“In my experience, however, the entrepreneurship camp is pretty live-and-let-live. The whole “cut everything you don’t care about so you can spend whatever you’d like on the things you do care about” school of thought.”
The entrepreneurship camp is *not* about “cut everything” — it’s about earning more. Right? I just found this really confusing, which set the wrong tone for the article. I did like seeing actual numbers for the spending, however. And I would like to hear more about a couple with blended finances, and the associated challenges there. Since JD and Kris kept separate finances, there was never much information about how to navigate financial waters with a partner.
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I agree that I almost stopped reading after this sentence. It was so confusing I couldn’t figure out what she was even trying to say and I really couldn’t connect it to the wedding (she never actually does either). Why didn’t the editors just cut this entirely? It seems they would have done so for a regular writer.
Is it because they wanted us to see the “flaws” as well as the good?
Overall I enjoyed the story of compromise and explicit costs as well as using a non-traditional venue to get a good deal.
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Disclaimer: I am a professional editor, so I pick things apart for a living. I don’t want to do that here, but do want to be helpful. Honey, let me be clear that I did appreciate the article!
An article outlining wedding costs and the compromise between spouses would have been interesting, but this just didn’t sit well with me. I don’t like the “Frugal or Foolish” frame of this article, nor the tone. I think it would have been better as “This is how much my cruise ship wedding cost,” instead of inviting readers to praise your self-proclaimed “heroism.”
You’re supposedly reducing your debt, but put some of your wedding on credit? With a nod to Becka’s comment about judgement, that seems crazy! To me, your wedding seems hugely expensive–$600 for bridal outfit with the dress only $110? You must have had some REALLY nice shoes and jewellery. Regardless, do what you want, that’s just my opinion… since you asked.
Regarding the What Do You Think questions posed at the end–be careful inviting the internet to judge you. This question could have sufficed: “Have you ever had an experience with a romantic partner where initial opinions differed so radically on an issue of such significance? If so, how did you resolve it?”
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@Dog Lover, appreciate the feedback! I certainly don’t think we were heroes, but I do think the experience ended up being worth more than we paid for it.
Bridal outfit further breakdown: $110 for sample dress and $375 for alterations, which includes the tip. My shoes were $90 and were casual enough that I could wear them on the cruise, and I spent about $25 in hair product/accessories. I borrowed all my jewelry, or received it at the ceremony – ha! I also did my own hair and makeup.
The dress alterations came down to three main things: (1) Since it was a sample dress there was some visible wear as well as damage to the beading that needed repair. It also needed a steam clean since it wasn’t out-of-box, and a garment bag since it didn’t come with one and I was going to fly with it. (2) Again, since it was a sample it wasn’t exactly the right size – namely, I couldn’t zip it up all the way – so I had it changed to a lace-up. That cost a bit more, but then I didn’t have to stress about not allowing my weight to fluctuate AT ALL during the six-month fitting process. (3) Bridal gowns are cut assuming the bride is 5’8″, and I’m 5’3″, so the hem had to be taken up significantly.
I didn’t mention this in the article since it’s the sort of detail that probably doesn’t matter much to the majority of readers. However, I was fine with the total because the dress I had fallen in love with prior to buying the sample dress was $800 – BEFORE tailoring. And that’s a pretty average price, despite what the bridal shows that I gobbled up like candy before going dress shopping would have you believe.
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I am just going to stick a comment in here on wedding dress because it might help someone. My wedding dress was a very pretty, full length dress that was actually a “bridesmaid dress”. I ordered it in my size and in white fabric. This was a few years ago, but I think it was around $100. I actually made the veil myself, but if I was doing it again I wouldn’t want the thing at all.
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Hate to say it, but asking for judgement comes across as comment bait to me. I’m more interested in the second question about how couples resolve these kinds of conflicts.
I’d like to elope — I hate being the center of attention — but I’m aware my future husband might not feel the same
It was interesting to read about that conflict.
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Excellent article! Well-written and relevant.
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“Bride’s apparel: $600. I bought a sample dress for $110 and had it tailored. This amount also includes my accessories.”
Can you break down the cost of the “accessories”? After the cost of the dress you have $490 left. I assume the cost to get it tailored would be close to $100 or more if it was a true wedding dress. Where did the rest of the money go?
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Carla, see comment #107!
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Hate! Super long intro and poor description of pf blogosphere. The actual story – once I got to it – was awful! Her cruise wedding was not what I would consider an inspirational anecdote.
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I found the long intro unnecessary as well. But unlike you, I liked the article once it finally started as it was quite interesting.
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These wedding posts always bring out the “toppers” in the comment sections. You know what I mean – the ones who feel the need to one-up everyone else and brag about how little they spent on their wedding. “You spent $8,000? Outrageous! Our wedding only cost $63!”
I wish people could keep such petty, competitive, pointless comments to themselves, but for those who cannot, it’s important to distinguish between a “wedding” and “getting married.”
“Our wedding was in city hall with only my sister and 2 friends!” Sorry, that’s not a “wedding.” That’s just getting married. A “wedding” implies some sort of party/celebration. Weddings have dresses and flowers and cake and speeches. So please, PLEASE stop trying to compare your 5-minute jeans-and-t-shirt City Hall paperwork-signing to a real “wedding” as though that makes you the ultimate frugalista.
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Tell me more about how the frugal person is the one-upper in your described scenario.
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Google “Four Yorkshiremen.”
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http://tywkiwdbi.blogspot.com/2008/04/four-yorkshiremen-sketch.html
Not sure if this is relevant to the conversation, but it is a funny Brit-style take on over-the-top one-upmanship. Oh, watch it anyway.
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I really liked this article.
Despite the fact that I think the wedding article are done to death.
What I liked was that despite having a signifcant amount of student loan debt – they didn’t put their lives on hold to pay it off.
They did ‘try’ to be more realistic about what they could afford. (Just because soemone isn’t the perfect ideal doen’t mean they don’t have something worthy to contribute to the conversation)
And mostly – she showed how they negotiated the finances together – making the decision that they would ultimatly live with in their married life. This part – I LOVED!
And it was well written – just the right amount of details.
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A couple of things about the way this article was written bothered me.
The first thing was a shot taken at the husband in the middle of the article: “He had just quit his extremely lucrative job at a mid-size law firm where he was well on his way to partner for a far more uncertain future starting his own firm with a friend who isn’t exactly renowned for his work ethic.” Including the parts about the friend’s work ethic and almost making partner made it feel like the author was bitter about the husband’s decision, and ended up airing dirty laundry to build more support for her argument. The uncertain future of her husband’s start-up job was sufficient to make her point; the rest felt like a cheap shot.
I also think the questions at the end of the article missed the point. Asking whether the newly married couple are heroes for spending well under the national average is irrelevant, as is wondering whether they have been duped into overspending. As long as a couple made their decision together and had a reasonable plan to manage their expenses, the financial decision-making process was a success. That should have been the take-home point of the article. Like all other financial decisions, wedding expenditures should be about what the couple wants, not what society wants.
My wife and I chose to have a more frugal wedding because a lavish wedding wasn’t a priority for us. However, if one of us had spent a life dreaming about someday a nicer wedding, our decision-making process would have changed – we would have leaned towards a nice wedding rather than making a 50/50 compromise, assuming we had a reasonable plan to manage the finances. My wife and I are not going to share every dream, but we try to make the ones that are most important to each other happen.
Ultimately, we save money by being frugal in our everyday lives in order to be able to afford what matters the most to us. A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event for the happy couple (hopefully) and if a lavish wedding is one of your life’s dreams, it seems perfectly reasonable to work to make it happen.
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I really appreciate this feedback, J Farrington. We both regard his leaving the firm job as one of the best decisions we’ve ever made in terms of physical/emotional health and in terms of our relationship. Having him home everyday when I get home (instead of being lonely until 10 pm, which wasn’t uncommon before) is priceless to me! So I really messed up if I gave that impression.
Re: the partner, maybe that was a cheap shot. Not sure. Got some very disturbing news today on that front from my husband, so it’s definitely relevant. But perhaps, as you say, not very nice.
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If it worked for you, fine. However, I still think that’s a LOT of money to spend on a wedding. That would have paid for an over-the-top extravaganza where I grew up.
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And where I live (Chicago), $11k would just barely cover a *very* meager reception for around 150 people. I’m hosting a backyard wedding at my father’s house for 175 people this August, and we’re benefiting from the green thumb of my mother for flowers, a free venue (though we have to bring in and rent nearly EVERYTHING), a Groupon-ed wedding cake ($150) and honeymoon ($700, then using air miles for our plane tickets), cheap wedding bands, and having barbecue and a taco bar, and the total is still topping $15k. We’re hosting an open bar, but in our circle, that’s a non-negotiable.
Like Honey, I wanted to go to city hall ($50!), but my partner wanted a “real” wedding. And yes, I’m the bride. It’s all about compromise, and while it might be easy to have a decent wedding (as in having enough seating and food for guests, I’m not talking designer anything) for $11k in some areas, it’s nigh impossible in others.
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OK. Everything comes out in the wash.
After clearing her existing debt, Honey gets into more debt to fulfill Hubby’s lifelong desire for a “real” wedding. Honey and Hubby have $200,000 outstanding student debt (and presumably had such debt pre-wedding, which she neglected to mention in her “audtion” post). Hubby quit his lucrative job with a law firm to set up his own law practice. . . with a slacker law partner. How much did that cost in rent, furniture, various equipment and perhaps a secretary/receptionist/assistant? I fear the next revelation will be that Hubby flunked his debut independent law practice effort. I started to say “through no fault of his own,” but holy cow, didn’t he know the risk he was taking? Now they get to spend LOTS of time together. . . reading the ads for “attorney wanted.”
Honey, you’re a dreamer. That’s sweet. But it definitely does NOT qualify you for a spot on GRS. The most egregious part is that — in recognizition of the definition of “egregious” — YOU OMITTED RELEVANT INFORMATION!!! Shame on you.
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I enjoyed reading this post. Regardless of connection made between the beginning and Honey’s story, it still felt a little disjointed to me. Nonetheless once I got into the story, I found it very easy to read and enjoyed it.
My husband wanted to have a wedding. I did not. But in the end, we had a wedding and it was completely and utterly awesome. Even though spending the money made me cringe sometimes, I think we got a lot out of our 12-13K wedding—especially because we live in NYC.
I think the important thing to remember is just because you have the money to spend on a wedding doesn’t mean you should. We didn’t really save any money while we were planning our wedding but we didn’t actually lose any money either. In fact, our savings pretty much remained stagnant during that time. At the same time, if we had debt rather than money in the bank, I don’t think I would feel comfortable having a wedding that cost me over $10,000.
The only thing that bothered me during our planning was other peoples’ opinions as to what we should do. “You’ll get it back,” as a response to why we should hire someone to do this or do that. We could have had a much more lavish, way more expensive wedding just because the money was there—but it seemed silly when we could have used that money for a down payment.
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Ok, so I didn’t care much for the moral of the story: “Hey, it’s ok to go into debt if you really, REALLY want to!” Honestly, I think it’s going to cause issues later on in the marriage. What’s that, hubby already wants to splurge on a European vacation and isn’t happy that you can’t just put it on a card? Uh-oh. Then again, it would make for good reading
In that situation, I would have been firm. Want to marry me now, this is how much we can spend…want a bigger wedding, then we need more money.
Now that we know about a huge amount of student loan debt…which may have an interest rate near her credit card (7.9% if I remember correctly)…I guess it wouldn’t really have mattered. I mean, if she saved up enough for the wedding, that would just be money that did NOT go toward their debts. Probably better to throw the money at the debts, be more debt free for a bit, then briefly charge the card back up a bit (bear with me…putting every extra penny toward a debt at 7.9% and then charging a card back up $5k later on, can be a better financial move than just hoarding the additional $5k, letting it sit in a savings account earning all of 0.01% interest).
Regardless…I do like the writing style, and the honesty. And sure, she didn’t go into every single detail. Should each post start off with three pages of their lifetime earnings, savings, how much they have in retirement and in student loan debt, etc.? Now, “I” didn’t get anything from this particular post, but I think many would. And though it was about a boring topic for me, I was able to read it all the way through. That says something.
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Seems like a great option for you guys. It seems you met in the middle and marriage is all about compromise right?
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I think a couple should spend what they can reasonably afford and/or pay off in a short time. Weddings provide (other then the obvious start to a marriage)an opportunity for a couple’s dearest friends and family to come together in celebration, you really can’t put a price tag on that. My husband and I were fortunate, we both waited to make that kind of commitment and were older than the average couple. We had no debt and no plans for children so we had more money to spend. We spent closer to $35 but were very careful where the money went, i.e. no unnecessary favors or pricey invitations. We did spend where it counts, food, photography, honeymoon.The day was simply the most magical and we were so happy to have provided such a wonderful event for our families who all seldom are able to come together. Neither of us would change a thing. That being said, I don’t think you have to overspend to have a meaningful wedding, the focus should be the celebration of the new marriage and the unity of the families. I think Honey spent just the right amount for her and her husband!
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Honey has great writing style and a refreshing perspective. I think her family circumstances and that she’s at the beginning or her debt-reduction journey will lead to a very interesting narrative to follow over time. I have been a reader of GRS since its second year, and I would LOVE to see Honey added as a regular contributor! Thanks so much for sharing your article!
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JD- I vote for this writer in the audition. I’d like to read more by her.
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Didn’t care for the post too much. I thought there was disconnect between the long introduction and the rest about the wedding. Why the 4 paragraphs about entrepreneurship, followed by a comment that “frugalistas” are often judgmental? There was a very slim connection between that and the following section about planning weddings.
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I appreciated the article and enjoyed the writing style. And since I’m in the middle of planning my own wedding while trying to not fall into the common traps, its really fun to read everyone else’s perspectives and experiences.
I did cringe when I read they were taking on credit card debt to finance the wedding. I am all too familiar with the balloon payments and the expanding budgets as you keep saying to yourself “why not, its a one time thing.”
I wonder why more folks don’t take advantage of 1 year no interest cards to help finance their weddings (assuming they have the credit to qualify). I wonder if Honey could have gotten one of these cards and split the payments for the wedding over a year instead of paying interest on the get go.
We’re fortunate enough to be able to afford the wedding we want and we’re trying to make choices that reflect our values. We sprung for a band and are skimping on decorations. We kind of roll our eyes at how much its ending up costing, but we’ve made deliberate choices and we’re looking forward to a fun day with our friends and family.
Now if I can just get my fiance to stop adding to the guest list.
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I have followed GRS for over a year. Having made the debt journey myself over 15 years ago, I still find the topic fascinating because being debt free is one of my top accomplishments to date.
I had to post on this comment because I am in the wedding industry and have been for 15 years. I am a photographer and have photographed $100 weddings at City Hall and $500,000 wedding at Country Clubs or waterfront homes.
Weddings are the pinnacle of every family, cultural and societal expectation that exists. There is no “right way, no “right” amount of money. If you can afford it (and some people absolutely can), spend the money on a night to remember. You only get to do it once (ahem, well, once for a first time). And it’s true…families often only get together for weddings and funerals.
It has taken over a decade but my clientele is the luxury market. I appreciate that they value my art and are willing to pay for it. So no, of course I don’t think weddings are the place to flex your frugal muscles. I don’t think you should go into debt either but the fact is that, in many cases, graduation, first apartments or homes and weddings all happen simultaneously. There in lies the challenge.
If everyone pinched pennies on weddings, wine, art, automobiles, photography, travel, etc. there would be a lot of people, including myself, out of work.
I appreciate that those who can afford $10,000 for photography (yes, just the photography) are willing spend it. It means I can pay for baseball for my kids or enjoy an indulgent anniversary trip with my own husband.
I don’t think we should damn every person who spends money on a once-in-a-liftime celebration. That $2500 of debt when they are married 20 years will be a drop in the bucket in the big financial picture of life. They did a fantastic job compromising on a celebration they get to do together JUST ONCE.
Life is so much more than how much you saved by making your own dish soap. Sometimes and for some people, spending the money on a celebration is the best investment in their life they can make.
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Just wondering – for those clients who pay $10,000 for photography, please tell me they get more than just one day of your time? I imagine this includes a couple of posed sessions with the bride and groom before the day? And pictures from the rehearsal dinner and other events leading up to the big day? I hope so for that price.
I know someone who spent $5,000 for a photographer for a destination wedding, and while their pictures were beautiful, I think in hindsight they regret spending that much.
I noticed with their photos and also ours from our wedding that the photographer spent a lot of time taking pictures of children at the wedding. While I love my niece and nephews, this was not what I wanted her to focus on. The pictures of the children are much better than the ones of me and my husband. I think photographers do this because children are exuberant and fun to photograph. But just a tip that this is probably not what the client wants, unless perhaps they are their actual children.
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This writer reminds me a bit of Sierra Black in many ways.
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Pros:
I really liked the writing style. It was VERY readable.
Cons:
I think many people look to up to GRS (and GRS writers). I agree that it might be refreshing to have the perspective of someone paying off debt, but I would the like the debt to be something I can sympathize with. Say a mortgage, student loan, or even using credit card in a pinch to fly to the deathbed of a loved one. But a wedding? I think saving up would be a wiser course.
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Reading through the other comments, I have to say I agree with people who want to hear more from someone in the process of getting out of debt. So far, all of the auditions for GRS have been pretty good, but I think this blog already has its fair share of “I’m financially sexy and I know it” writers. It’s refreshing to hear from someone who is trying to figure things out rather than someone who already has all the answers.
I think sometimes we forget that paying off debt isn’t the be all and end all — there has to be some balance. Life happens too.
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This is my favorite comment of the week.
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Loved the article… i agreed with your analysis of personal finance metalities and appreciated you bucking the trends of both “mega-wedding” and “spend nothing. Ever.” Really what i liked most was the way you broke the costs down and provided a desirable, very do-able alternative to a traditional wedding. Thanks and keep up the great work!
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As a lot of people have said, I do think having someone who is at the beginning of their debt journey writing for the site is a good idea.
However, and since no one else has commented on this, maybe I’m reading it wrong, but did the author only have 30 people at her wedding? If so, that breaks down to $380 per person ($263/per person if you remove the cruise ship and honeymoon costs that she’s added in there.) Which means for a typical wedding of 100 guests, her wedding would have cost $26,300 (going with the lower figure), or around the national average.
I’m also not sure how much it works for me as an audition article for the site. A cruise ship wedding would only be “cheaper” if everyone attending has to fly in anyway (unlikely since even if family has to travel, many friends are local) and/or you happen to live someplace that is a port city for cruise ships (which I actually do.) Otherwise, I’m not sure how much anyone can take away from it in useful information. I’m getting married in August, in Los Angeles, and we are paying only $12,000. Some of the ways that we’ve saved money anyone can do. We found a venue that allows us to bring in our own vendors, so we had the flexibility to shop around and get a good price. We’re providing our own alcohol, so we’ll be able to return any unopened, unchilled bottles. We’re also doing the flowers ourselves, etc.
But some of how we’re saving money is unique to our situation. One of my bridesmaids is a jewelry designer, so we are able to get our rings and other jewelry for the wedding at cost. My fiancee is an artist and 3D animator, so we’ve designed and printed all the printed materials ourselves. I used to be a professional event planner, so I have a long-standing relationship with our caterer and they’ve given us a very good deal. None of that is useful information for people unless it’s contextualized to the notion that they should also think about what talents friends and family have that they can use to bring their costs down.
I think the article would have been more interesting if it had been framed as thinking outside the box for venues for weddings, with some information on her cruise ship wedding as an example. I also wish she would have gone into more detail about why her fiancee made the choice to leave the law firm to start his own practice now. Was that before they got engaged and they didn’t know they’d have the expense of the wedding? Was this an opportunity that had to be done now, or did he have the choice of waiting a bit longer and they could have saved the money for the wedding first? If the latter, why did they make the choice to go into debt rather than have him stick it out a few more months in his better-paying job? That all seems relevant to a personal finance blog.
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I just wanted to say that I really like Honey as a contributing writer! Her issues also seem relevant to me- someone just starting out their financial journey.
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Very cool!
I’m hoping to get married on the beach and then hire a whale watching boat for the reception!
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Fairly disgusted at the judgmentalism of so many GRS readers. The name of the site is “get rich slowly” not “never take out a loan”. The outlandish ideas i’ve read on here in the last year (“make your own shampoo” and “live in an underground lair on $9k a year so you can retire by 35″) have reduced my reading here from daily to every other month. This lady saved $20k on the national average and it seemed both pleasant and repeatable. How that warrants the venom i see here is unfathomable. If you’ve already got it figured out, why are you reading here? If you have such great ideas for articles why don’t you submit one? Far easier and risk free to anonymously tear down the writer and make self-righteous, un-doable pronouncements than share your OWN journeys and mistakes.
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Really? Because the way I’m reading the comments here, the original poster’s story just gets worse and worse. My feeling after reading the author’s comments was wildly different than it was after reading the story.
1. It’s supposed to be about how to save on a wedding… but it looks like the only way the author actually saved was by having fewer guests than the national average– 30 people rather than 100. Everything else is not actually saving money from the average. She didn’t really get any bargains. Having a small wedding is a great way to save money, but she doesn’t seem to realize that.
2. The author was already in 200K student loan debt. This debt has no collateral (you can’t sell your house to pay some of it off) to back it, and cannot be discharged in bankruptcy. And yes, it sure makes that 11K look small, and as their debt grows, each additional thing they put on plastic is going to look even smaller! Why deny yourself anything? If you want it it must be worthwhile.
3. The author’s husband has a precarious financial future– he left a high-paying job that could have helped to pay down the debt or for paying for the wedding and the trips he wants to take. Instead they have uncertainty.
4. The author has no idea what her husband’s CC interest rates are.
5. The author has no idea how much the interest on this wedding is actually costing her in dollar terms.
6. The author isn’t looking on this as a mistake. She’s looking at it as if she got a great bargain.
7. The author sounds like she’s willing to spend more on a lifestyle that she and her husband can’t really afford (travel) in the name of “compromise”. And fie on all those judgmental people who recommend only buying what you can actually afford. Obviously they don’t know how to live life.
If you really really want something, then you should want it enough to have to make some sacrifices for it, not just put it on plastic. Sure, spend tons of money on your special day, if that’s what you really want but only if you can afford it. If you’re not willing to figure out how to actually afford it other than debt financing (and you have zero plan to pay for that debt financing, and you don’t even know how much the debt is costing you), then you can’t really want it that much.
Most of us would love to throw money we don’t actually have at whatever it is we really want. But not if it means having to pay the piper later on.
Judgmental? Responsible.
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Good for the author for finding a nice compromise! I’m wondering though, how cheap the wedding really was – they paid about $80 a head and didn’t even get a full dinner – just heavy hors d’hoerves. It seems to me the cost was kept down significantly by only having 28 guests.
My husband and I spent a little under $10k on our wedding and honeymoon at a time in our lives when we could ill afford it (massive student loan and credit card debt). We had intended to put the balance due on our reception on a credit card on our wedding day but the caterer said they’d prefer a check and would wait a week to cash our check until our wedding gift checks cleared. So that’s what we did.
My husband was also the one who wanted the actual reception – if I’d have thought he’d gone for it I’d have eloped, even though I know it would’ve heartbroken so many in our family. In retrospect, I’m very glad we had a reception and spent as much as we did even though we really couldn’t afford it at the time.
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My best wishes to Honey Smith and her new hubby. With 200K in student loans, they are in for a tough slog especially since her husband seems to have champagne tastes despite their beer budget. I just hope they don’t compromise their way into deeper and deeper debt.
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Sigh. I admit it. The reason I find this so frustrating [and aggravating] is that I have nieces and nephews in an age range (24-41) that would include Honey and Hubby. The youngest is in medical school, so it will be quite some time before she has any income to “save.” Another has an MBA, but can’t find a job that pays commensurate with his skill level. Times are tough. Another just can’t seem to get it together — recently quit a well-paid job, in a fit of pique, and is not making any serious effort to find another. A “couple” among this group paid an enormous sum of money for in vitro fertilization, resulting in twins. The mother has a good job but unexpectedly had to take a lot of unpaid leave to carry the babies to term. She wants to have a Really Nice Traditional Wedding. Wow. It would have been nice, and still would be nice, if she and the father of her children had a simple civil ceremony, so he can be INCLUDED in her health coverage. They can have a huge party later. I believe everyone in our family would be quite pleased with that alternative. The remaining Member of the Group has finally pulled herself up by the bootstraps and makes plenty of money as a. . . consultant. [n.b., "consultant" means you never know where the next gig is coming from.] I’m not completely sure, but I have a feeling her spending habits have more than kept up with her income — meaning her expensive tastes have increased exponentially. OTOH, NONE of them has intentionally gone into debt way over their heads. I’m making an exception for the babies — we all agree it was worth it.
So, back to the $200,000 student loan debt for Honey and Hubby. My guess is that at least 75% of that was for law school. Tell that boy to get off his butt and get real. In addition to the costs of opening a new law office [which I mentioned in a previous post], and reading between the lines about his desire to “upgrade” everything, he probably believes a lawyer who seeks to be instantly successful must Dress For Success. How about that wardrobe, huh? I’m thinking he goes for the high end of men’s clothing, if not for “bespoke” garments.
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Thanks, Oleron! I have learned that Hubby talks a lot about wanting expensive things, but rarely follows through. That is, he is venting, not actually intending to spend a lot of money. It took me awhile to figure this out, though! It used to make me super nervous because if I talk about something, I am planning to do it.
It may also be worth clarifying that he didn’t “open an office” in the way a lot of people here seem to assume. He and his partner pay something like $150/mo. for a “shared office space,” that provides them a physical address for business cards and to collect mail, and that will rent rooms to them for a nominal additional fee (like $50) if they have a client meeting. Mostly he works from home in pajamas. He’s probably met a third (or less) of his clients in person. He hasn’t bought new business clothes in YEARS. I don’t even know what bespoke is though I will assume it is a brand.
Ah, our student debt. I hope I get the chance to lay it (and all the other details of our situation) all out for everyone! I did get him to set up a Mint account yesterday (I set up one, too) so we can each log in to the other’s account and see the overview. Exciting progress!
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Honey, I do wish you had explained this “office” arrangement at least 100 posts “ago.” Maybe you’re saving all of this information for future posts? It would be nice if you told us what kind of law Hubby now practices that allows him to work in his pajamas most days. Also, did he change his area of practice when he left the Big Law Firm? [As a side note, I can easily understand what his life was like at the BLF. Those places usually hire the best and the brightest, then lock them in a closet for a couple of years and say BILLABLE HOURS until it's imprinted on their souls. Forever.]
I am thrilled to know that you don’t know what “bespoke” means. Shhhh. Don’t tell Hubby. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bespoke
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I did get curious and google bespoke soon after posting my comment, mostly because you didn’t capitalize it! Everything he owns is off the rack though almost all of it was tailored to one degree or another because he is short and lean – even if he buys shirts with the right sleeve length and neck size, they look like muumuus on him unless half the fabric gets taken out. He didn’t even realize it until I told him because he would just tuck his shirt in so it was flat in the front and didn’t even know he had a huge puff of fabric around his back, ha! It was a few hundred bucks to get all his shirts done right, but like I said I think the last time he spent money on work clothes was easily 3 years ago. Anything casual he gets at Goodwill for the most part.
He is a litigator. He wants to change his practice area (to do personal bankruptcies, contracts, and transaction work instead) but he has to do what pays the bills and it’s hard to transition into a totally new role without someone to train/mentor you. His big struggle with litigation as someone in business for himself is that he charges hourly and can’t always predict how many hours something will take. Then when things take longer than the client wants, they do not want to pay their bill in full. He is trying to focus on client selection at the front end after learning some hard lessons.
Yes, your description of life at BLF is totally accurate. They would pull out a graph at every monthly meeting showing him how much money he was “losing” the law firm. Ugh, don’t get me started on how terrible the corporate culture was there…
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Hmmmm. We’re supposed to be “voting” on whether you would be a welcome contributor to GRS. For me, this just got more interesting. Although I understand how you ended up with $200k in student loan debt, the amount still staggers me. Spending a few hundred dollars on having clothes that fit doesn’t seem unreasonable. I once spent a chunk on bespoke business attire, back in the days when the only options for women were ugly, ill-fitting versions of men’s suits. And 15 years later I spent a smaller chunk on [minor]designer business attire for women. For me, it was worth the money to look professional. However, I never had a whole closet full of these clothes. I just kept them clean and mixed the separate pieces. Men can do this simply by wearing a different nice tie. The nicer it is, the less clients will notice the rest of his attire. You might even find these at Goodwill!
As for Hubby not wanting to be a litigator and not having a mentor for his “new direction”: the best litigators seldom actually go to court; they know how to NEGOTIATE. Surely he learned that at the BLF, even from his “closet.” He might consider turning that around to being a mediator, while he has some time on his hands. He should take any such course at the best law school in your area; they’re usually one week, at the end of which one has a “certificate.” Mediators are paid IN ADVANCE, with provisions for the session running overtime. Personal bankruptcy is not such a big deal to figure out, but the whole process scares the heck out of potential clients, and the lawyer ALWAYS is paid first. As for contracts and transaction work, ever heard of a “retainer”?
Honey, you may not know about any of this,and I am not saying any of it is EASY. Hubby needs to think outside the box the BLF put him in — waaaay outside.
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J.D.,
Is staff writer a “paid” position? Many inquiring minds would like to know.
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Also find it ironic how many posters make issue that “she didn’t really get a bargain per guest, she only saved money by inviting less people!” As though that makes the money you saved worth less. Also, i live in the midwest, have had dozens of friends plan what WE consider average weddings (a hundred+ guest wedding in a church with alcohol at the reception, nice but not extravagant) and it does indeed cost around $30k. Call around in YOUR area and give us a competing breakdown if you’re disputing this.
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Bob,
I was married in the midwest, St. Louis, last year(In February so it was a cheaper time period). We had ~300 guest(I think we had a little less, but we had to pay for 300 since we got two rooms) and the wedding cost about 15k. We were at a nice wedding reception hall and used their base package, only added some time for the open bar(beer, wine, and mixed drinks). We didn’t go crazy on decor, they had a nice decor there with nice center pieces(and who remembers those anyway). Everyone loved the food, the dancing, and the drinks and that is the only thing people really remember from the wedding. We got a photographer that had a track record, but was new to the area so they were starting their business here without a client and referral list(since then they have had probably 10 people choose them because they did our wedding).
If you are looking for cheaper weddings, do it off season.
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I think that the cost breakdown is critical here because the total was alarming to me even at under half the national average. But none of the line item amounts made me woozy (except the invites…Gurrrl?!). Wouldn’t it be fun to see an iterative series of posts about a proposed budget for an upcoming wedding, letting GSR readers contribute strategies for cutting the line item cost down while adhering to stipulations like the one in this post?
It sounds to me like the author didn’t take the experience lightly and she made a couple of financial EXCEPTIONS with the wedding. Based on this post I don’t see her blowing $2500 at Neiman Marcus because her high school reunion is around the corner and it’s suuuuch and important milestone. So yeah, it’s a lot of money, and I vote “not heroes” but I don’t think there was anything particularly ridiculous about what they did.
Lastly, to the author: your bridesmaids sound awesome.
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My bridesmaids were *amazing*.
I’m past the whole wedding mania now, but when I was planning it seemed like everything I could find was either “get married in the woods with sticks for rings and eat bark at the reception” or “fly everyone to Dubai and have a seven course meal every day.” I suspect the majority of people are not at either extreme, but it was very, VERY hard to find actual numbers for middle-of-the-road budgets.
I also vote “not heroes,” for what it’s worth
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