For the next week (or two), we’ll be sharing “audition” pieces from folks interested in being new staff writers at Get Rich Slowly. Your job is to let us know what you think of each of these writers. Pay attention, give feedback, and after a couple of weeks we’ll ask which writers you prefer. This article is from Elizabeth Falwell. Her first audition piece was about what your loose change is really worth.
I opened my mailbox this afternoon and immediately felt the sense of complete and utter failure wash over me.
Just in case you were wondering, I usually don’t have this type of guttural reaction to fetching the mail. Most days, I actually like sifting through the pile of letters, catalogs, and yes, even bills, my postman dumps in my box. Paying a bill makes me feel like a responsible adult; receiving a paycheck makes me feel like I’ve accomplished an important task; thumbing through the latest Pottery Barn catalog makes me feel connected to pop culture and style, even if my tightfisted ways won’t let me indulge myself with a $50 lemonade pitcher or a $100 throw.
But six days a year, I can reliably predict that my mailbox will send me into the depths of depression, forcing me to question not only my career path, but who I am at my very core, the very fiber that makes me me.
Dying to know what it is?
It’s my alma mater’s alumni magazine.
The Road To College
My road to college began in 1992. That’s when an impressionable nine-year-old Elizabeth watched with bated breath as Christian Laettner hit the now-infamous buzzer beater shot against Kentucky, propelling Duke into the Final Four. I was hooked. For the next nine and a half years, I would tell anybody who would listen that I was going to go to Duke.
“Do you know how tough of a school that is to get into?” many would say. Even my high school guidance counselor tried to steer me to the safer shores of in-state schools, but my mind was made up: for me, it was Duke or bust. On December 13th, 1999 (what? You don’t remember the exact date when you learned you’d been accepted to college?), I got a hefty packet in the mail from the Duke admissions office — my early application had been accepted. I’d be a member of the Class of 2004.
Dude, Where’s My Pre-Med Degree?
I arrived on Duke’s Durham, North Carolina campus on my parents’ 35th wedding anniversary. I remember this date as well, because I was so nasty to my mother during the move-in process (why was she embarrassing me by fidgeting with my hair in front of all these hot upperclassmen?) that my father later called me up to inform me that she’d cried all the way through their anniversary dinner at the local Waffle House.
The next day, I received my first semester schedule. I had enrolled in a freshman intensive program — which Duke calls a “FOCUS Group” — aimed at aspiring young medical professionals; in fact, I wanted to be a neurologist. As I mentally went through my classes, I noticed I hadn’t gotten the Wednesday afternoon chemistry lab I’d signed up for; instead, I’d been reassigned to a Friday evening lab. 4-8pm in a chem lab? Um, no thank you. How was I going to make it home on weekends to visit my high school sweetheart? Without giving it much thought, I dropped the course, promising myself I’d take it in the spring, when I could secure a better time slot.
Well, you know how college goes. I got involved in Greek life, joined a few on-campus performance groups and — voila! — promptly forgot all about my pre-med aspirations. I pushed all my professional goals to the periphery of my consciousness, and instead spent the next four years having fun. I took exactly one life science class the entire time I was at Duke — a phenomenal course called “The Bio-Basics of Psychology” — but earned the rest of my required math and science credits by learning HTML, C++, and Java in the compsci department.
By the time I graduated in May 2004, my original career choice (neurology) was long forgotten. Instead, my liberal arts degree in history (now you know why I’m so good at remembering dates!) pushed me down a near-opposite career path: journalism.
Feeling Like A Failure
I was proud of my choice of career for about the first six years after graduation. After all, from the outside looking in, journalism — specifically broadcast journalism, the field in which I worked — is glamorous. There are the lights, the cameras, the celebrity interviews; there are the juicy scoops, the feeling like you’re “in the know,” the behind-the-scenes access. Of course, there are also 60-hour work weeks making $20,000 a year (a typical salary for an entry-level reporter), overnight shifts, and a guarantee that you’ll always work either Thanksgiving or Christmas — or, if you’re exceptionally unlucky, both.
Searching for something — anything — different, I moved away from journalism and into two new career paths: freelancing and media research. Both used the skills I’d honed in school (both my undergraduate degree from Duke and my graduate degree from Syracuse), but in different ways than my original field. The freelancing gave me a chance to write about what I wanted, when I wanted, while the research allowed me to challenge the analytical portions of my brain.
And yet…
And yet…
Somehow, it still wasn’t enough. It was around that time when I started avidly reading through the “Alumni news” section of my Duke Alumni magazine. It was there that I saw one of my sorority sisters had launched her own business cleaning infant carseats and baby strollers with environmentally-friendly materials, allowing her to hob-nob with Hollywood celebs like Jessica Alba, Nicole Richie, and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It was in the magazine’s pages that I saw that one of my former dormmates had snagged a gig working alongside President Obama, having been dubbed his “Body Man” (whatever that is). It was there that I saw that one of my classmates had not only defeated advanced colon cancer before the age of 30, but had also started a non-profit organization to help others do the same.
My claim to fame in the alumni magazine? Having babies.
Did I Let My Alma Mater Down?
I don’t want to discount the birth of my children, or downplay my role in their lives. I’m a history major; I’m well versed in the Cult of Domesticity and the concept of Republican Motherhood (FYI, it has nothing to do with political allegiance), so I know just how crucial the role of mother truly is.
But there are times, especially late at night when I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to fall asleep, when I wonder if I squandered the opportunities my education gave me. I wonder if I set my professional goals too low, or — even more worrisome — whether I really took the time to set any professional goals at all. When I get right down to it, I’m convinced that, rather than chart a course for myself and actively pursue it, I let my career path be pulled by the ebbs and flows of day to day life. I took the path of least resistance. Instead of creating my life, I let it be created for me.
Moving Forward
I just celebrated by 30th birthday, so maybe that’s why I’ve been doing some big thinking lately. Monumental thinking, really.
I’ve been contemplating things I should have thought about years ago: what do I want to do with my life? where do I see myself in 10 years? how am I going to make that vision a reality? I’m still working on my answers. I learned the first time around that jumping to conclusions too quickly can leave you with a half-drawn picture, poorly thought out plans that lack the passion required to reach fulfillment. So now, I’m taking my time. I’m not making rash decisions, claiming that something is a goal just because it sounds good or looks great on paper.
I’m going to find the real me. As Tim Harford, one of my favorite authors, says, “Success always starts with failure.” I guess that means I’ve got one step down, many more to go.
Do you have any regrets about your career path? How would your professional goals be different if you could turn back the clock?
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I thought I’d comment from the other side of the fence. I got the degree I wanted then went for the masters. Completed that and now 12 years later between my professional partner and i we pull in over $250k per year. Happy? Somewhat. Planning my early retirement from the corporate 9-5? You betcha.
One of my closest friends who completed the same masters degree works part time in an admin role and enjoys her children. Sometimes I look over the fence and, well, the grass just looks greener.
Although careers can be gratifying I have learnt that it’s just what you do to earn money. Who I am and how I choose to impact the people around me is just so much more meaningful and satisfying.
From where I sit now the trappings of money and corporate life are just empty status tokens. And cleaning the car seats of the Hollywood elite sounds downright nasty!
Good luck with the soul search.
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I have to reply with a quick story:
One Easter Sunday several years ago, my single brother called me from his home in San Diego. As I looked into a depressing late-March snow storm in New England, he told me how lucky he thought I was. “You have it all, great wife, great kids”. I looked at the mess of candy wrappers on the floor and asked him what his plans for the day were.
“I’ll probably go to a nice place for dinner after I go to the beach in the morning.”
The grass is always greener…..
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I dont mean this to be snarky, but I wonder about the cost of college education while kids (and yes I mean kids for the most part while at college) try to discover who they are. In your case, Mom&Dad footed the bill or you are rolling in the student loans. That can be a high annual cost to pay for someone who isn’t sure what they want to do with the rest of their life.
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Misty, I totally agree with you – my advice to my own children will be to take a “gap” year… or two! My friends who came into college with more life experience were far more confident in their degree/career choices.
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Sometimes you don’t really know what you want to do until you try to do what you think you want to do. I entered college planning to major in physics. By the end of my sophomore year I realized I didn’t have the chops for it, so I switched my major to sociology. I liked sociology, and I had enough credits already in the subject to still graduate on time. So, now I have my liberal arts degree in a subject that doesn’t specific job skills (but it did teach me to think and analyze different types of problems).
However, I still have my degree, from a very good school, and that alone has helped me get job interviews I may not have otherwise gotten. And, while my dreams of becoming a physics PhD and working on problems in theoretical physics involving time travel (this is what happens when you watch Doctor Who as a tween) never became reality, I still have a rewarding job and turned out ok. Other than my mom’s temporary dismay over what on earth I was going to do with a sociology degree, my parents never felt that I wasted my college years.
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Free advice. Stop worrying about how things look to others. Do what makes you happy.
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Ugh. How I HATE this advice.
I was going to comment about my career path as a stand-alone comment, but I think I’ll do it here, so people can see the result of “Do what makes you happy”.
I started at college for a Graphic Design degree in 1989. Everyone told me I was a talented artist, and I felt I was too. I loved to draw and design…art was my passion. So, I pursued that graphic design degree because I felt that I could “do what makes me feel happy” as well as earn money in a field that seemed to be strong.
Graduated in 1994 cum laude (almost straight A’s) with a BFA in Graphic Design (an extended degree), and immediately got a job in my field….for $7.50 an hour, designing album covers. Well, I thought, I’ll just work my way up. I soon found out that designers were not well-paid, at least not in smaller companies. I never was able to get my foot in the door at large corporations, so I worked at ad agencies, publishers, and the like. I was able to stay employed through 2004, but the jobs were in Southern California, and the pay averaged around $15 an hour, which, for those of you living in Southern California, you know that $15 a hour isn’t going to get very far during the housing bubble of the early 2000′s. It certainly wasn’t a very good ‘living wage’, and since graphic designers were a dime a dozen (all that advice of DO WHAT YOU LOVE!), there were more designers than there were jobs. At the last place I worked at, I remember our art director putting an ad out for one graphic design position, and we received over 300 resumes in just a little under 2 hours, and we had to pull the ad.
In 2005, a personal crisis forced me to quit my graphic design job in SoCal and move to another state. I figured I’d pick up another graphic design job. Not so easy. This particular state is mostly rural, and has only one large city to speak of. I put out resumes for the few design jobs I did find, but got no interviews, so I did freelance graphic design over the internet. In 2007, I had gotten back on my feet, so i moved to Florida, thinking I could find work there (without the cost of living being so high… I could not afford to move back to SoCal). Three years looking for work in Florida, and while I sent out resumes, I never even got called in for an interview (so I took a job in retail while continuing to freelance). I was slowly growing broke, so I ended up moving out of Florida in 2009, and back to the state where my parents lived and moved in with them (to avoid ending up in a homeless shelter).
Searched for a year for graphic design job in my parent’s state. The few jobs that were available, I didn’t even land an interview.
Finally, I gave up looking in 2010, and went back to college for an Accounting degree (which I am still doing… I will have a Masters in Accounting in 2014). Because “doing what makes you happy” doesn’t always work. If “what makes you happy” is something that isn’t sustainable in the real world, then all the passion and love you have isn’t going to get you work.
The problem with my degree, Graphic Design, is that there are far too many talented graphic designers out there, and not enough jobs. Most everyone knows a graphic designer in their life, and if the Art Director of Pepsi-Cola has a choice to hire a very talented person with a BFA in Graphic Design, or his own equally-talented nephew, who do you think he is going to pick?
I also found out later in life, once the internet was in every home, that I wasn’t so great at art after all. In 1989, when I first started college, we all lived in somewhat of a bubble…we didn’t have the vast amount of knowledge that we have today on the internet. Among my peers at that time, I *was* one of the better artists. But compared with the amazing art skills of people I see on the internet, I realize that I’m just “ok”.
So, I have no connections in large companies (or small ones!), mediocre talent, and tons of love and passion for art & design. Not good enough. “Doing what makes me happy” only meant that I ended up 40 years old, broke, living with my parents, and having to start my career over from scratch at this point by going back to college for a more realistic degree.
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Oh, and I forgot to mention: Every single one of my graphic designer and artist friends are out of work now too, and trying to switch to other careers or doing freelance over the internet (while living at home with parents or being supported by someone.)
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I have to laugh because this describes the exact position I’m in now. In fact, I related to everything about your previous comment as well. It should be required reading for anyone who’s thinking about going into graphic design. It’s very expensive to be a designer : the professional associations, the books and magazines, the software and computers, and the conferences cost a lot and all are required if you want to stay current in the field. Unfortunately, average wages are so low that if you try to stay current you won’t have much left over to live on.
I want to thank you because you actually helped me make an important decision. It’s been a year and I’ve had no luck finding another graphic design position. I’ve been toying with the idea of freelancing but that would require a lot of money to upgrade my computer and buy all the programs I’d need. I don’t know if I’d ever get enough design gigs to recoup the cost so I think it’s time for a career change. I’ve done what I love long enough. Screw it, I’m going for the money now.
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I have to disagree with you on this. I have no degree with graphical art, but yet I bring in a decent salary freelancing. Enough to make me satisfied… I think you have to search for the jobs and network with other people. I have found that the jobs that I get are on forums that not as many people visit, or if they do that they are niches in the markets they serve.
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You’re welcome, Vanessa! I’m glad my story was able to help you come to a decision. I think a change in careers would be a better idea than freelancing. As you noted, freelancing is expensive, and the money you pull in after expenses isn’t much. Plus, there are so many other people freelancing that there aren’t many jobs there either. Add to that “no benefits whatsoever”, and there really isn’t much appeal in trying to freelance full-time. It’s best to find another career, and just do graphic design freelance on the side, whenever you want to.
I wish you the best of luck in your career path, and I hope that whatever new career you get, you are successful and can find a great job!
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I appreciate both of you sharing your stories as graphic designers. I would like to share my experience as a designer so that others can hear another perspective.
I too grew up in Southern California and got my start as a designer working in the skateboarding industry. Art, painting, design have always been lifelong passions for me. During this time I went on to Business school to have something to fall back on should things dry up in the design industry. Throughout business school I maintained my own clothing business, doing the designing and screen printing out of my 1 bedroom apartment. I also built my own ecommerce site for the clothing line. I was selling clothing worldwide, but not achieving a comfortable living wage to do this exclusively like I had dreamed.
In 2005 I moved to Seattle, WA. There is an incredible demand for talented graphic designers in this area. Of course your expertise has to be in web and mobile and not print to find steady work. Shortly after moving up to the area I landed a web design job with a major US company and as a result my salary increased dramatically from what I was used to. From this point on I established my own freelance design business and now clear over 6 figures a year in salary. To say that choosing to be a graphic designer is a deadly career move has not been the case with me. It’s been a dream job. I make my own schedule, work when I want to and travel when I want to. It’s not all perfect, the deadlines can be absolutely killer sometimes, and the work very difficult.
I would like to conclude that BD was correct in saying there are millions of designers out there. Most of which are mediocre at best. To be great in this business you have to maintain the passion and work on your craft constantly. Then again, if you love what you do this doesn’t feel like a choir. Hard work will get you to where you want to be. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. I love art and design and have spent almost 20 years pursuing it with all I have. I am dissatisfied with my income, but after reading your stories, I have to say I feel blessed to have escaped what I know hundreds of my talented peers have gone through: months or years of unemployment in a saturated market that relies on the willingness, energy and passion of the young to accept sub-standard wages for sweat-shop hours. In my house, we joke that I keep lawyers’ hours with less than half the pay.
I have thought about changing careers many times, coming to the conclusion that one’s career should be measured by the compensation for one’s time, which, as a designer I almost always end-up on the wrong side of.
I have been doing a lot of soul-searching lately and thanks to all of your honesty and shared experiences, I have some really good food for thought. Thanks all!
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“Instead of creating my life, I let it be created for me.”
But creating a life based on ‘comparing and competing’ can often lead to a sense of profound emptiness later on in life; due in no small part to the fact that to live such a life one is ‘living for oneself’ rather than for others and some greater good.
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I like your point, Chaz. A solid body of research says that the happiest people are the ones who tend to be kind, and who contribute in some way (rather than just consume). I agree with you (and our guest columnist’s realization) that we need to create our lives intentionally, rather than by passive default. The default mode, in the U.S. at least, is heavy consumption and heavy spending.. . . which isn’t the happiest path. There are better ways to do it.
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If you spend your life comparing yourself to other people, and only people who are doing better than you are, you will never be happy. There will always be someone who is better than you are on some level. Always. Even if you went to MIT or Caltech (something that comes as a shock to many frosh their first semester). Even if you win a Nobel Prize.
I’m a small fish in a big pond in my career life. If I compared myself to bigger fish I would be depressed every single day of my life. Instead, I love finding out what I can learn from the bigger fish. What can I take from them that will help me learn and grow and move forward? It is exhilarating having opportunities to become a better me in the ways I want to be.
I would suggest additionally, that you read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. It will provide some great food for thought on how to look at previous mistakes. Mistakes are always learning experiences, and not necessarily things to be regretted. Donna Freedman is right– there’s a statute of limitations on regret!
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I think you have to be careful not to confuse a major with a career. A liberal arts degree in another subject — anthropology — might seem just as useless, but that was the major of the current Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Mary Schapiro. I’ve seen history majors at my college go off to medical school. I’ve seen chemistry majors become poorly paid (but happy) opera singers.
At the very best, college gives students many things, only some of which are career training. Habits of thought are another. What caught my eye in this article wasn’t the major, but the decision to put off hard work for immediate pleasure. That’s fun, but it explains more about career trajectories (to me) than the choice of a major does.
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As a broadcast journalism major myself, I saw this in my own classmates. Several were headed to law school while one later went to medical school and became a doctor.
And me? I never worked full-time in broadcast journalism over the next 40+ years of my career, spending most of that time in newspapers as a reporter and, later, an editor.
A cousin got her bachelor’s degree in English and ended up as the head of the nursing department in a major hospital.
As an old friend used to say, “Ya just don’t never know.”
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@Miser Mom, I wish I could even attempt to defend my lack of hard work as a college student… but I can’t. I knew I was being lazy… I just didn’t do anything about it.
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Um, you and 90% of college students around the country.
College students are not career-minded professionals. You describe your college self as “just having fun,” but I’m sure you were also doing the required work for your classes, and maybe even getting good grades.
You can’t beat your past self up for not knowing what the future would hold!
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Imelda, you’re right! Having fun didn’t mean I got bad grades; I actually graduated with magna cum laude honors! I just didn’t challenge myself with a lot of math or science courses.
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Don’t forget that the Alumni magazine is mostly filled with what its members feel are their notable successes. I don’t recall seeing any “I just got a delivery job at Pizza Hut and live with my parents” updates…
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I wish I could like this 1000x!!
Don’t ever forget April’s/Margaret George’s words – we compare our shadows to others’ sunlit sides.
Think of how enviously other people would look at you if they heard about some of your achievements or exciting jobs.
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Now I want to write a fake update to my almuni magazine saying that after 10 years in prison I am enjoying life on the outside, especially my janitorial job, NA meetings, and weekly chats with my probation officer.
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I think people forget these alumni magazines are a form of marketing for the college. Of course they are only going to include the best of the best — they want donor dollars and future top tier students.
I’ve noticed a big difference between the mags from the two schools I attended. One seems to be celebrity and status driven, while the other focusses more on innovations and inventions. Not surprisingly, one school is riding on its reputation and the other is seeking funding from big companies (esp. tech companies.)
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When I went off to college, I was going to be a chemist who worked for the CDC.
I graduated from college with a philosophy degree. (Yes, my parents supported my choice, no, they didn’t pay for it.)
I earned my M. Ed. and went into teaching. After a hellish first year, I decided to try for five years. After I had given teaching an honest try for five years, I could quit.
Nine years later, I’ve taught abroad, I’ve moved into a niche area of education I love, and I am so glad I ended up here. I wouldn’t have change anything–not even that awful first year, because that experience has made me better at mentoring intern teachers. (Also, I wouldn’t have met my husband if I were a chemist.)
I don’t give a crap if I’ve “let my alma mata down.” They got their money from me, and I got my degree. I’m a responsible adult doing something I really enjoy. What’s wrong with that?
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I could connect with this post on many levels. Besides attending Duke at the same time (I was in their grad program, though), I sometimes wonder how my life would be different if I had made different choices.
When I was in college, I threw out the idea of being in the foreign service because I didn’t want to live abroad and move every few years while doing it. I forewent most business classes, because the jobs that would have used my foreign language skills required a lot of travel which I didn’t want to do if I had a family. And I was stuck on the idea of having to use my foreign language skills in my future career. And I wanted to be able to move back to my hometown. I eliminated most of my career options this way, which left me with only limited options.
I’m not saying that I regret my choices, but there are times that I wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn’t limited myself so early on. At the same time though, I’m not unhappy. I have a rewarding (though not lucrative) job which will let me stay in my hometown and spend lots of time with family. It may not be alumni magazine worthy, but it’s great for a work-life balance.
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Albert Einstein – “There is Neither Evolution nor Destiny; Only Being.”
Nothing wrong w/you Elizabeth. You’ll probably go through this again when you see 40 riding shotgun.
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I struggle with this, too. I got 2 degrees, one of them in engineering when there were few women in the field. I decided to stay home and raise my kids and then complications meant I continued to stay home. Now in my mid-50s, I sometimes wonder what I could have accomplished in my career. But then I realize how happy and content I’ve been with the life I chose. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s so I figure that’s a really good sign.
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Yes, yes, yes to big picture articles! There’s a whole world to explore on how your choices to spend or not, or go to school or not, or save or not, affect not only you but others on this planet as well. I would love to hear more about ‘big pictures’.
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This is the best article of the audition pieces so far.
There’s more than enough written on how to track spending and where to spend consciously and how to cut spending.
Instead, I’d love to read about big-picture thinking and questions. This piece was especially strong with connecting past decisions to present reality while recognizing we can all actively work to change our future paths.
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I work in academe, as well has having changed career paths twice by the time I was 28. Nearly 20 years later, I have seen every year’s freshman class – and a vast majority of them don’t end up sticking with what they first thought they would do with their careers. I honestly think that at 18, usually with very limited exposure to the vast array of options out there, it’s near-impossible to know exactly what you want to do with the next 50 years of your life. I know precisely 2 people who knew what they wanted and actually ended up doing exactly that. It doesn’t make you a failure: it makes you a) human and b) normal.
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This is a good response. Most people do not end up where they thought they would because the interest is not there once they start taking the courses or the focus is not there. Focus and sacrifice are the keys to success for most people, but having fun is really important to shape personality and life long relationships with people. The Author had a lot of fun during college, got serious with someone, and started her family with someone, those are all good and normal things. She would just be as miserable today, had she got through the pre-med program, entered medical school, and worked her tail off without the fun stuff in between. She would reflect on her life as the lost 20′s and large student loans with no relief in sight.
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BINGO! I have always felt like kids are expected to figure out “what they want to do with the rest fo their lives” WAY too early. Unless they’ve had an unsual breadth of experiences by the time they leave high school, they have NO idea about all the possibilities there are out there.
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I totally agree. I was 17 when I graduated high school. How in the hell was I supposed to know what to do with my *life* at that age?
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I got a degree in math and used it professionally for 6 years. Then I left that field to help my husband follow his dream for 20 years. In my 40′s I was faced with “what do I want to be when I grow up?” — my answer was to go back to school to get the degree I should have gotten in the first place, computer programming.
We’ll see very soon if the second degree will be worth it. I think it will. (And for those who will ask, my parents did not pay for my first degree.)
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What I see in your article is that you have a lot of interests, and haven’t entirely figured out how to integrate them into a viable career. Possibly neurology would have been a too narrowly focused field for you. You might find Barbara Sher’s books, particularly Refuse to Choose, helpful.
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Peggy, you hit the nail on the head! I have so many passions and skills, but I’m not sure where to focus all that energy – or if there’s a nice, neat career path that would allow me to use them all at once!
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Don’t worry about the past and focus on the future. If you aren’t happy come up with a strategy and start along the path to be happy doing what you want to do. Dwelling in the past will just waste time and postpone your new goals and happy life further.
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I went to Wellesley. Try dealing with the ‘Hillary Effect’ for 25 years.
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Unfortunately, there is no roadway to life. Maybe at the time, the hawt thing that could’ve happened to you was being led down the path you were. Had you taken a different path, you may not have your children. In my opinion, it’s naive to think that one career is suitable for most people for their entire lives anyway. When I turned 30 I too took a self-evaluation. I’m pretty sure most do. You’ll be just fine. You have more options than a lot of people. Plus, the older you get, the more you’ll realize how young 30 is.
And not that you should have been mean to your mom, but she may have also been crying during her 35th anniversary dinner since your dad took her to Waffle House…just saying.
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Jamie, yours was the first comment that made me laugh out loud – that’s my dad for you. I don’t think I could paint a more accurate picture of my CPA father.
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I have a lot of regrets about my career path – not having a path to begin with. Having only received an technical associates degree, I’ve only worked for other people in the most literal way: support staff – administrative/executive assistant, project coordinator, etc. Having worked in the “real world” (corporate) since I was 19, I’ve received a ton of experience, but it was never enough.
It seemed once I was caught in it, it was hard to get out – especially since I had myself and a lazy ex-husband to support in the early ’00s, the need for health insurance and so on. Once my salary moved into the $20-30 hour range non-exempt (in California I was earning overtime once I was working for more than 8 hours in a day), it was even harder to pass it up to take on more debt to go into a career that I would actually love.
Then I need to remember the reason for work in the first place. It not necessarily to be “fulfilled” or to have fun. Its to support yourself and those you’re responsible for. That usually brings me back into prescriptive though I wish my earning power was more and not topped out at a certain range depending on where I’m living.
On the other hand, in Portland now its extremity difficult to find work in my field with my experience. There are not enough industries here and I have too much experience for a lot jobs which are mostly entry-level.
I’m only a few years older than you Elizabeth, and I felt the exact same way [when I was your age]. I think few major life changes over the past few years helped me gain a new perceptive.
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Cancel the magazine subscription – then you can set your own goals based on your own priorities, instead of letting yourself be influenced by a place that you chose on the outcome of a basketball game.
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ditto
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What Tyler said. Most college alumni databases have a field in each individual’s record to check off “no mail contact,” “no phone contact,” or “no contact,” period. Write them a note or send an email and they can take you off their mailing list.
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An old joke/saying comes to mind that rings particularly true as this nearly 51 year old read this post, which I liked very much, thanks.
“When I was 20 years old, I really cared what other people thought about me. When I was 40 years old, I didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about me. When I turned 60, I realized no one had been thinking about me all along”.
Do what interests and fulfills you…
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The real moral of the story is don’t go to a college, especially not a fancy university, because invariably many of your classmates will be way more successful than you will be.
Just kidding. Agree with Tyler K. that you should just unsubscribe from the alumni mag. or just throw it in the recycling. I get the alumni magazine and it always goes straight into the recycling bin. I already know what my good friends from school are up to and I do not need to read about the strangers.
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I don’t even have a college degree! I just turned 39 and I’m okay with it. for the most part. My goal for my 40s is to get a degree in …something. Maybe it will just be an AA but I’m doing it for me.
I spent most of my life struggling with the question “what’s wrong with me? Why am I such a screw up?” Turns out the answer – I’m not a screw up, I had undiagnosed bipolar disoder that effected my whole life. I got diagnosed the year before my 10 year reunion and I didn’t go to the at because I was so embarassed – I couldn’t work, I had to live at home supported by my parents, I was a mess.
Slowly I’ve recovered and I realized what I want has changed.
When I graduated from high school 20 years ago I thought I wanted college, marriage, kids, a phd and maybe be a professor or something.
Actually, I don’t want kids. I’d hate teaching. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know what kind of life I want – low stress. I want a job where I go in, work my hours, I don’t have to take home work, there’s good benefits and it’s something that is mildly challenging.
I realized I don’t want my “success” to be defined by a career. I want my “success” to be defined by – am I happy? Am I able to do non work related things I enjoy? Is my life as stress free as possible? Am I living within my financial means?
And if I can answer yes to those (which I can’t know but I’m working toward) then I’ll be a success.
I used to be really hung up on what other people think, and I do still struggle with it (especially as part of my anxiety issues). However, I’ve learned that when I let go of worrying about what “other people” think my life is less stressful and happier.
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I really wish in the US we had a system that required people to spend 2-5 years working in the field they think they want to pursue in some form of apprenticeship program before pursuing a degree.
There are a few reasons for this:
1. Earn some money.
With only a handful of exceptions, no one I went to school with (myself included) had any concept of the value of money (or time spent earning money). Knowing the value of a dollar would dramatically change how a lot of people view college. Might result in less partying, more studying.
2. Learn more about your actual field.
I knew almost nothing about my field of study (Info Tech) in a professional sense when I started college. In fact, I learned more in the first two years working than I did in all four years of school. If I could have applied that experience to my classes, I could have gotten vastly more out of the experience. Some of my friends would have likely chosen different areas of study after working for a few years.
3. Gain some experience/perspective
Going straight from High School to College is a mistake in my opinion. With no interruption, it’s like going on to 13th grade. It’s treated as the next thing you’re expected to do, and by and large I don’t think people appreciate what college really can offer. Some time in the “real world” can help shift the perspective from college being High School 2.0, to being a platform to learn critical skills and launch yourself down a path that you actually want rather than what you imagine would be cool.
If I had worked 2 years then gone to college, my field of study would have stayed the same (IT), so this wouldn’t have changed my overall path, but I would have changed how I studied and where I put my focus. I would have picked up more business courses, spent more time on project management, and taken a few more programming courses.
I’m still happy with my path post-college (2 years working for an insurance company, 5 years for a computer game developer, and now I manage a team on the digital side of one of the world’s largest game retailers), but I could have done better/been further along if I had approached college differently.
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I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t agree 100%. First off, college is not strictly about career preparation. It’s about learning how to live away from home, being responsible, making friends, and experiencing things one would never have been exposed to otherwise.
That being said, there are some flaws with your logic.
1) Even if someone works for 2-5 years after high school (but before college) they are still unexposed to so many fields that could be really interesting to them. Especially when you consider the types of fields that have any positions open to someone with just a high school diploma. And companies that do offer internships, usually have them unpaid, certainly for the younger applicants. Which negates the whole earning money premise…
2) Having a job early on will not necessarily teach them the value of money. If they’re living at home, then they will likely have all that income be disposable, and will not necessarily learn to be repsonsible with it. If they’re not living at home, they will learn the value of a dollar. However, they’d have an extraordinarily hard time making ends meet working a job that probably pays minimum wage or just slightly over. In our city those circumstances have caused many folks to enter into illegal (but lucrative) trades.
3) I don’t rememember the statistics off the top of my head, but most people now go through several different “careers” in their lifetime. So a kid spends a few years working in field A, then goes to college to further his/her education for field A (keeping it rather narrow as you’re recommending to maximize the earning potential). 5 years after graduating they decide they’re not happy in field A. Because of their extreme specialization, they will probably have to take many additional classes to prepare for a different field, rather than having a broad-based education from the get go.
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Relax Elizabeth;
I’ve had a good life, so far, but I haven’t been able to pursue a lifelong dream until my 55th year.
My financial/career life has been sucessful in building and operating businesses with my ex and current husband. Now I am working on a solo enterprise and I couldn’t be happier.
Still, it took me 40 years to figure out what it is that I want and need to do with the remainder of my life.
Sometimes it just takes life experience to get a clue as to what your direction really is. My life, to this point, has just been preparation for what I am doing now.
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“The first step in changing reality is to recognize it as it is now. There is no need to wish it were otherwise. It simply is. Pleasant or not, it is. Then comes behavior that acts on the present reality. Behavior can change what is. We may have visions of what will be. We cannot (and need not) prevent these dreams. But the visions won’t change the future. Action—in the present—changes the future. A trip of ten thousand miles starts out with one step, not with a fantasy about travel.”
~ David Reynolds – “Constructive Living”
My regrets are that I spent so many years in excessive navel gazing before I realized that I actually had to (gasp!) change my behavior to change my life, not just torture myself with fantasies about what coulda shoulda been.
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Funny, Jacq – the words “navel gazing” kept coming to mind while I was reading the original post. But I was thinking, “Nah, no one else will conclude that she was spending too much time focusing on ‘me, me, me.’”
Your last sentence sums it up very well.
P.S. What’s so bad about having multiple careers? Husband and I have gone through at least three each. My original degrees were English and Speech; his in Mechanical and Civil Engineering.
Even when we weren’t working directly in those fields, having the degrees often got our foot in the door. They’ve also been helpful in surprising ways. (Husband just got a technical promotion in part because of those degrees.)
Life is too short. Time to get on with it, and decide what you’d really like to do next. And who cares what the alumni magazine says…
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I never had regrets about my career because I learned some great skills fro, every job I took. It prepared me for my entrepreneurial choices as well. Now I am a teacher, perhaps the most challenging of career choices.
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I can relate to a lot of this and I am also happy how my life is turning out. It’s not the way I expected it to be but I’m grateful to have a challenging career that pays well.
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Such interesting comments on this post!
When I graduated high school, I was sure I wanted to be a high school teacher in English and history. Then I hit university, loved it, and majored in Women’s Studies with the intention of becoming a professor. When I finished my undergrad, I felt it was important to take some time to work with diverse populations in order to have a better grounding in the sorts of issues that I wanted to research and write about. I spent 4 years working, first as a caregiver for people with intellectual disabilities, then on a violence prevention program at a women’s centre, and finally at a shelter for women who were homeless. And then, having gained a little bit of ‘real world’ experience, I went off to do my MA in Women’s Studies.
I hated it! I realized I felt much more fulfilled working directly with marginalized people and helping them empower themselves than I did researching and writing about the sorts of social issues that I was working on. Thankfully, my program was only a year long, so I finished it off, and went back to work in the social services. I think having my Masters did help me grow in that I became significantly more comfortable giving presentations, and I also really had to push myself to complete the program after I quickly realized I didn’t want to become an academic. And I was hired a month after my program finished into a job where I primarily provide support and advocacy services and run workshops a few times a year. After I was hired, they told me that having my Masters in the field that I did was definitely a factor in their decision.
The problem is that now I’m realizing what I’d really like to do is work as a social worker. Essentially that’s the type of work I’m doing, albeit with less responsibility, and the higher paying and more interesting jobs in the area I like all require a social work degree. The good news is that because I have a Masters in a related field, there’s a Masters of Social Work program I can do in the town I live in that’s only 2 years long. I’m really not keen to go back to school, especially because I’m still paying off loans from my undergrad and so is my partner (my Masters was mostly funded). But in 5 or 6 years, I think I’ll take the plunge and do it. By then, I’ll have lots of work experience in the social services, and I’m pretty confident that I’ll be able to find something quickly after I’m done the MSW program.
It’s funny how career paths can twist and turn though… each new experience I’ve had has allowed me to hone in on what it is I really like (and don’t like!) and I think the important thing is to find a way to build on different experiences to get where it is you’d like to go next. I do think that work experience is invaluable in deciding what it is you actually like to do, since the thought of doing something and the actual reality of doing that same thing can be very different.
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Would your agency (or one that you’ve networked with) pay for your MSW if you agreed to work with them afterwards (and/or start working with them now)? For instance, there’s a public high school (in a financially-strapped district) that’s willing to pay for a teacher’s classes to get certified in gifted because there are no qualified candidates. Perhaps there’s someone who’d be willing to pay for your MSW, so you can feel more fulfilled professionally without taking out more loans.
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That’s a great suggestion, and I hadn’t really considered something like that, even though I’ve heard of other people doing similar things. I know it’s not a possibility where I am now, and I think that with the licensing requirements for social work, it would be really hard to find a place that would do that. If I had my Bachelor of Social Work and was working as a social worker, then it might be a different story.
However, the social work department offers a bunch of continuing education classes, and I’ve been looking at the counselling certification ones, but they’re like $700 a pop. I bet I would have a decent shot at getting those covered by an employer though… and you can do them online, so I wouldn’t even have to take time off from work. I’m definitely going to look into it… thanks for the idea!
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Oh the regrets of children. You’re only 30 for god’s sake. Complain about this when you’re 50.
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If you replaced neurology with veterinarian medicine and history with psychology this would be my story. Taking the time to figure out where I want my life to go now.
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I love this author and hope she gets a job as staff writer.
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Absolutely LOVE where this piece is going.
This is the reason I don’t go on Facebook – you see smiling pictures of people with their gorgeous children/spouses/cars/houses/latest vacation and you think: ‘what am I doing with myself?!’. Which is not a bad question to ask, but to be prompted by Facebook-esque stimuli to ask the question can lead to negative responses (I’m sure not doing THAT!)
Life is so long – 30! The author has another 40 good years (hopefully) to make an impact, change course, do anything! It’s good to ask the question, to always have it in the back of your mind. But don’t be too swayed by other’s response to it. You can’t really know anything about them through the pages of an alumni mag, or their wedding announcements (thanks mom!) or Facebook.
I want to see more from this writer.
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While I understand how you feel, you can’t compare your life and achievements to what people are posting on facebook or in an alumni newsletter. Of course people post great things on facebook. Who wants to post that they’ve been divorced twice, are about to file for bankruptcy, and have 3 kids who hate them because they are never home because they are too busy working with President Obama? Figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life and then determine the most feasible way of doing it. It’s not something that can be done in an hour, usually, but it is something you will never regret.
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You have a bachelor’s degree and a master’s; you have kids; and you are only 30 years old. You are so freaking lucky!
At some point, you need to stop counting the things you didn’t do and start counting the ones you did.
I would be so grateful to be in your shoes!
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Marie, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful – I’m awfully sorry if I came across that way. I just know I have so much more to give – to myself, to my children, to society – than I have so far, and it’s frustrating not to be able to find something that best suits my skill set. But grateful – oh yes, I am very grateful. I guess I’m just American; I want MORE!
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Elizabeth, I get where you’re coming from – I really do. But that whole “not living up to my potential” stuff is going to paralyze you because you’ll think that everything you do has to lead to something BIG and that’s going to scare you out of trying or put undue pressure on you. It’s a form of the unhealthy kind of perfectionism. Maybe you aren’t that special of a snowflake. Maybe your life will be just average just like the other 99% with small peak moments and small valleys and no big Mount Everest’s to climb. You’ll look back and see how all the dots connected someday (see Steve Jobs commencement address) and led to a really wonderful life.
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/08/08/living-up-to-your-potential-is-bs/
Byron Katie & the work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM4jtnR6pww
Believe me, nobody finds work where ALL of their skills and strengths are utilized at one time – that’s what hobbies and life – and time – are for.
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Thanks for the advice, Jacq! I agree with what you wrote, and am going to check out the links. I think the problem with me – and maybe my generation – is that many of us were brought up under the whole “we can/should/will change the world” mentality. It’s tough to accept that for me, “changing the world” may only pertain to my small corner of it. I’ll get there.
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Not my favorite audition. Too much navel-gazing for my taste. But well-written.
The author & some commenters who are considering career changes should consider reading Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra. Excellent book on career change. The first half has a lot of theory, but the latter offers concrete suggestions and case studies. Her premise is that it is best to test new careers first via volunteering, consulting and stretching within your current position.
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Working Identity is a great book.
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I can relate with the article. We’re almost of the same age having just passed the 30s mark recently. Sometimes, I also do wonder if I’ve made the right decision having gone entrepreneurial or freelance right after college. But I do love the challenge. I love making a start-up company work. It may not pay as much as a steady job but it has its perks and advantages. Time being one of them. Now that I have a new bundle of joy, I love that I have the time to spend with him if I want to. I don’t have to be tied down at work. I earn when I put in the effort.
Its really about finding oneself in the process. Work is not OUR life. It is simply a means to attain what we want in life.
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Ha, tell me about it, hurtling towards your 30s can do that to you. There’s something about this point in life where you feel you need to do something, make a change, because you’re starting to feel the pressure of age, but know that you’re still young enough to push yourself into something different.
I wrote a similar post http://theindolentcook.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/lime-fig-compote-existential-crisis.html
here. I’ve decided since then to be content with what I have but also to strive to work towards leveraging and enhancing what I have. Give myself some challenges and goals. See how it pans out. And yeah, try not to compare myself to others, or think about what might have been. There’s no point to that. Just move forward.
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Thanks for sharing – what a great site!
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Everyone has to make their own decision on how they will make a living. Many times that maybe a career that will last for years and sometimes that means they will have to change. If you have a chance to stay at home and raise your kids,I don’t think you can go wrong, at least not for your kids.
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Right now I have the big shiny career that I wanted since I was a little kid. Except now I don’t want it anymore. So I’m saving up to go back to school in a different country down an entirely different career path.
It’s never too late to try something different, if you’re willing to accept a little risk and a lot of hard work.
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This is a post that I love and I relate to. I hope that you are able to blog about your journey and let us share your search for a path with you. Can’t wait to see more of your writing soon!
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I can relate to this entry since I am also a Duke graduate (MA in liberal studies) was in journalism for 20 years and now work at an alumni magazine. (it is true we never get updates from people working at Pizza Hut and living with the parents – we would run them if we did).
I now have a son in college who is rethinking his major (business) because “the classes are so hard” and “seem irrelevant.” I will share this with him because this entry and all the insightful comments will show him he’s far from alone.
Elizabeth, you are a great writer and I hope you get this gig so I can keep reading you!
P.S. You should submit this essay to the alumni magazine – I bet they’d run it!
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Thanks so much, Kate! It’s always fabulous to meet another Duke grad, especially one who went into journalism.
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Two very interesting things popped into my head when I read this…
1) You need to define your own personal success. I know people with very prestigious careers, well paying positions, and all the right credentials and are miserable. Remember that all those alumni mags only let you know the good news that people choose to tell you.
2)There is only one person in my life that is actually working in the major that they went to school for in the first place. And who said you only get to do one thing for the rest of your life? I have changed careers about every 12 years or so and it has afforded me the opportunity to purse many interests. This is not a good option for those who don’t like change or risk but it does work for those of us who find that there are too many fabulous things to do in the world and can’t choose just one.
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AMW, you – and a few other commenters – have said something that I find interesting, about how often they’ve changed jobs. My father has worked in the same field since graduating with an accounting degree in 1973. Times have changed though, and a “career” no longer means staying with one company or in one industry the entire time. That’s something I’ll have to accept as well.
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This is true. Many of our parents worked for one employer, at one job, their entire careers. Few of us will do the same.
I’m working on my 3rd degree, my 2nd career, and I strongly feel this won’t be my last. I’m 38…
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I connected with this audition piece in a way I haven’t on some of the others. I like the big-picture moving-forward feel of it, and I like that Elizabeth has achieved so much already that it makes it likely that once she finds a goal path, she will do well at achieving it. Which I would enjoy being along on the ride! Hope you win this audition!
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I’m not really clear on what the point of this article is. The title is about career path changes but the story does seem like just navel gazing.
I don’t see where the “sense of complete and utter failure” would come from or why anyone would be worrying “Did I Let My Alma Mater Down?”
Where is the failure? Not getting into your alumni magazine isn’t failure. Not being a giant success before hitting 30 is not a failure. Is the author unemployed? Is she working a part time retail job? I don’t see the failure. In fact I see someone with a graduate degree and apparently gainfully employed in their field. Its hard to feel sympathy for or identify with someone who seems to be doing better than 95% of people her age and then bemoaning her imagined failure cause she isn’t yet featured in the Duke almuni magazine.
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Excellent article. This really resonates with me. I feel that I have drifted through my working life and despite studying for a second degree in my 30s I still didn’t change or further my career. In this life success mainly equates to wealth. Can’t help feeling that my lack of ambition results from being unconcerned with accruing more money/status symbols. I might just be lazy ! Have you read Alain De Botton’s book ‘Status Anxiety’ ?
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Whilst the article is something most people can probably relate to, the truth of the matter is that worrying about what other people think is really mis-placed energy.
I don’t mean in a spiritual sense necessarily (I’m not spiritual at all – at least I think I’m not) – just like it’s a waste of time.
Why? Because you’re probably wrong about what they think anyway.
The only person you need to satisfy when it comes to career choices is yourself.
Once you justify what you’re doing to yourself you can answer anybody and you should be doing so with absolute confidence.
Who is to say what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ anyway?
As someone who had a very successful career (at least defined by the usual criteria) and gave it all up to live a more modest life in the countryside, I can honestly say I am much prouder of the more modest version of my life than the big salary etc.
Your life – your choice… don’t let anybody tell you different.
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The chatty tone (“And yet…”; “I can remember dates!”; “whatever that is”; “FYI”) makes it fairly tedious to read 3/4 of the article just to get to the point (“I’m only known for having babies in my alumni mag”). Her previous audition piece was far less self-serving.
This is a fine anecdote to share with a friend or on a personal blog, but I fail to see how this is a feature story in the journalistic sense of the word.
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I vote for this author but probably only because I relate so much to the subject and I appreciate the big picture commentary on life/career goals, as well as the “chatty tone” (what I see as down-to-earth and personable). I’d rather see GRS stay more personal than journalistic.
I can’t help relating the post to Anne-Marie Slaughter’s recent “Women Still Can’t Have it All” article – I wonder if Elizabeth felt at some point that “gee, my current career goals aren’t really panning out and I don’t know what else to do, guess I’ll concentrate more on family right now”. I’m having this thought process and feeling a bit guilty about it, but still fortunate to be in a position to have that choice in the first place.
All that said, if this was the same type of article coming from someone in a different place in life than myself, I probably wouldn’t have been that interested. I’m navel-gazing like that too.
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My experience is so very similar – down to my goals to become a physician and my high school guidance counselor steering me away from the University of Virginia because that might just be too much of a stretch for me. I loved my college experience but lacked intuitive guidance and ended up majoring in Architecture. Four years out and after depression from complete dissatisfaction, I’m just starting to go back to school to get the pre-requisites I need to become a nurse.
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I know I’m over a month late commenting, but what can I say I just had some extra time to catch up on my GRS reading!
I am in a very similar position as the writer. I’m 29 and also feel I have “let my career path be pulled by the ebbs and flows of day to day life. I took the path of least resistance. Instead of creating my life, I let it be created for me.” And I too am just now trying to find the “real me” and make really well thought out career choices.
However, I think the writer is being way to hard on herself! You know they say 30 is the new 20! You have plenty of time to find a career you find fulfilling. And don’t think of the past 10 years as a waste, every choice you made has gotten you to where you are today. And yes, comparing yourself to others will only leave you feeling like you are not enough in someway, so just try not to do it!
And you can always start a new path, at 18 or 80!
And for the people saying you can’t make a living doing what you love, you totally can! But only if you love something to the point of insanity! (or love doing something in the medical or financial field, haha). Having your own small business in a creative field (graphic design or freelance writing), or a restaurant or something like that is never going to be easy, its going to be hard, a lot harder than working some 9-5er. But if you love it, truly love it (and are good at it) it can be so much more fulfilling! You are going to put in 60-80 hour weeks (or more) and you are going to make mistakes but if you have an extreme passion you will succeed. And they will be your 60-80 hours your way! Its not easy making a living doing what you love, but nothing worth doing is easy right?!
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